• Madonna's adoption of a second Malawian child: Denied.

A spokesperson says the judge's decision had to do with "residency requirements" and the fact that the girl was being well taken care of in the orphanage. Will Her Madgesty appeal? She's actually wanted to adopt this child, Mercy, since she met her in 2006. [CNN, Telegraph, ABC News, People]

• Sacha Baron Cohen totally has a random black baby in Bruno, to mock Madonna, perhaps? [Daily Mail]
• While it is indeed good news that Britney's ex, Adnan Ghalib, has turned in his gun — for which he had a license — the question must be asked: Why did a paparazzo have a fucking gun? [E!]
• Two things about Jessica Simpson maybe being on Dancing With The Stars: She is an actual star, but we all know she can't dance. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Lopez wants more kids but loves the attention of the spotlight and doesn't want to be a stay-at-home mom, says a random source. Dilemmas! [Gatecrasher]
• Amy Winehouse is back in St. Lucia, and who could blame her? [Mirror]
• Gymnast Shawn Johnson is trying to put the stalker stuff behind her and says, "I'm doing really good. Keeping my mind set on the dancing, that's the most important thing for me right now." [ET]
• Pencil this in if you must: Sex And The City 2 hits theaters may 28, 2010. [E!]
• If you want to see the show tunes that were on the iPod President Obama gave the Queen, click the link. "Shall We Dance" seems like an obvious choice, but it's kind of amusing to see a song from Rent on there. [CBS News]
• Oh lord, Barack Obama may have broken copyright laws by buying music and then giving it away. [Wired]
• Check out shots of Brad Pitt from Vanity Fair; he's in character as a Nazi-killer from Inglorious Basterds. [Socialite Life]
• The guy who tried to break into Jamie Foxx's hotel room — and who has been hanging around the set of Foxx's latest flick — has been arrested. It's crazy that Foxx had to force the guy out of his room and slam the door in his face! [E!]
• Johnny Depp is in Puerto Rico shooting a flick called The Rum Diary and looks adorbs. That is all. [Socialite Life]
• Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers will be part of an "all-star" recording that a source is calling "Disney's version of 'We Are the World.' It's about kindness and passing it on." If there is anything about purity rings or virginity I am suing God. [E!]
• You know Miley Cyrus' little sister Noah is an actor, right? She says: "I think it's amazing to have Miley as a sister because I look up to here and she's like my role model because she tells me everything to do that's right and I really learn everything from her." [The Star]
• Kelly Killoren Bensimon: No longer modeling for Saks Fifth Avenue. [Page Six]
• Five words: Hugh Jackman naked in Wolverine. [Socialite Life]
• Rising Sun Pictures, the Australian visual effects company that worked on Wolverine, swears it is not responsible for leaking the flick online. [The Star]
• James Franco is going to star in another stoner comedy called Your Highness. [Pop Sugar]
• LeAnn Rimes had dinner with an "unidentified male friend" and OMGISSHECHEATINGOMG. [Just Jared]
• Maybe you heard about this? Some show called ER had its finale last night, after fifteen seasons on the air. [E!]
• If you live in Boston, you won't see Jay Leno's 10pm show at 10pm — you'll see the news instead. [E!]
• The BBC has been fined for the lewd phone calls made by TV personality Jonathan Ross and comedian Russell Brand. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Charlie Sheen's infant son remains in the hospital. [People]
• Why in the name of Zeus can this woman not rest in peace? Anna Nicole Smith's dad is planning on suing her former lawyer/boyfriend/pill supplier, Howard K. Stern. [MSNBC]
• Pilot Chesley Sullenberger already has a two-book deal; now there's a TV documentary about the hero coming to TLC later this year. [NY Daily News]
• Chef Jamie Oliver has a brand new daughter, Petal Blossom Rainbow. She joins sisters Poppy Honey, 7; and Daisy Boo, 5. Brain explodes from cutesy twee names in 3…2 … [People]
• Got sunshine on a cloudy day? The Temptations will perform at the NCAA Final Four! [Yahoo News via AP]
• Woody Allen's latest flick is shot in New York — this after the last four were shot in Europe. Welcome back! [Yahoo News via Reuters]
• The Rolling Stones will reissue several albums, remastered, but with the original track listings and sleeves. [Mirror]
• First it was one station in Florida; now 16 TV stations are refusing to air the Osbournes' new show. [Daily Mail]
• Blind item! "Which wholesome TV host shocked partygoers when he pulled out a baggie of Colombia's finest?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was driving once with my best friend - this was when I was in my 20s — I remember ripping my faux eyelashes off because they were driving me crazy, and sticking them under her dashboard. [A week later my friend called]. She said, 'Um, Brooke? I found your fake eyelashes stuck under my dashboard - why the hell did you put them there?' I was so embarrassed! But then she goes, 'And then I decided to put them on, so I'm wearing them today!' I was hysterical. How gross, right?" — Brooke Shields. [Gatecrasher]
• "With a black president, we've got to come up with a new excuse. Can't blame the Man, when you are the Man." — Wanda Sykes. [WSJ]

• Madonna is in Malawi, asking the court for approval to adopt a second child. [Times of London]
• Madonna's adoption ruling has been delayed until Friday; the court has not revealed why.

The child in question is four years old and named Mercy; her unmarried mother died soon after she was born. Madonna brought both Lourdes and David to Malawi with her and David visited with his biological father. "I was very happy to see him," the father told The Associated Press, adding that David did not recognize him. "He asked me who I was." [Yahoo via AP, Guardian]

• Madonna has purchased land in Malawi so she can build a school for girls. Some residents are afraid they will lose their homes and fields. [People]
• Save The Children is not happy about Madonna trying to adopt and a spokesperson says: "What Madonna is doing verges on a puppy parade. People like her are looking for the most beautiful child. They wouldn't choose a child with a disability or special needs. It doesn't help to take one child out of an orphanage to a huge palace and buy them a pony." [Mirror]
• Is a Russian model/pop star named Irson Kudikova about to get engaged to Mickey Rourke? [Page Six]
• Britney Spears had passed President Obama in Twitter Followers, taking the #2 spot (CNN Breaking News is number 1). She tweeted: "#2 People!!! You guys continue to make me SOOO happy! I truly have the best fans on the planet! CAN'T WAIT for TEXAS tomorrow… - Bri." Then Ashton Kutcher stole the #2 spot. [PopDirt]
• This report claims that Britney's Gulfstream jet is a mess: "The plane is stocked with Twinkies, beef jerky and M&Ms," says a source. "When she's done, she just throws the wrappers on the floor." Plus, there are two puppies adding to the chaos, who "scoot" around like crazy. [Star]
• Breaking: Victoria Beckham seen in flip-flops! [JustJared]
• Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael I, might join MJ on stage at the first of his London shows. That would certainly be… interesting. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Apparently Zac Efron's ears are dirty, because he was recently pelted with Q-Tips by a paparazzo. There's video, but chances are it will just make you sad. [ONTD]
• More Zac Efron ear wax news. What a world we live in. [TMZ]
• Rihanna went dancing and a spywitness says "It was like the queen of England was out clubbing. You couldn't even get anywhere near her, between the bodyguards and the people wanting to touch her. And it was so morbid, too — it's all because she was beaten." [E!]
• By the by, there is nothing going on between Rihanna and Frankie Delgado. But you knew that. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus cried upon winning Favorite Female Singer at the Kids' Choice Awards. "I really thought I was going to lose, so thank you, guys." [E!]
• Some are saying the crying was staged because Miley already knew she would be winning the award. She Tweets: "For all the haters saying I knew about my KCA before hand have nooo idea what they are talking about! I was so suprised! :) thank u again xo" [PopDirt]
• Neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna attended the Kids' Choice Awards. Rapper Soulja Boy was sad! "I was looking forward to seeing them here," he said. [Yahoo News via AP]
• A woman harassed Ricky Martin at a club in South Beach, where he and "several male friends" were trying to have a good time. [Gatecrasher]
• John Mayer works the short-shorts on his cruise, the "Mayercraft Carrier." [The Superficial]
• Mariah Carey was seen drinking glasses of red wine with a straw. Classy! [Gatecrasher]
• Lipstick Jungle is canceled. For real this time. [EW]
• Paris Hilton attended Perez Hilton's birthday Party in a convergence of things that seem so three years ago. [PopDirt]
• Fox is developing a dating show with "average-looking" people. By that, they mean overweight. It's called More To Love and the bachelor is a "Kevin James type." [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Fox News' Bill O'Reilly boycotts Sean Penn films. Think Sean Penn cares? [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Joely Richardson has returned to work, ten days after her sister Natasha died. [The Sun]
• Ugly Betty star Ana Ortiz is pregnant and expecting a baby girl at the end of July. She says: "I've had a great experience so far. Talk to me in another month." [People]
• Amy Winehouse is a thumbsucker. [People]
• Yes, the ShamWow guy punched a prostitute. Police say "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons." [The Smoking Gun, Hollywood Rag]
• Monsters vs. Aliens scared up $58.2 million at the box office; big numbers. [USA Today]
• But one of the reasons Monsters vs. Aliens made so much? 3-D tickets cost more. [NY Times]
• Rhys Ifans has been cast in the next Harry Potter flick; he'll play Xenophilius Lovegood. [Daily Express]
• RIP composer Maurice Jarre, who wrote the music for Doctor Zhivago and Lawrence Of Arabia. [Independent]
• Blind item! "Which top actor got caught with his pants down in a club's closet with two very unattractive women, which his friends all proceeded to laugh at?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was assuming that [my character's days were numbered] at one point and I got a lot of shrugged shoulders and shakes of the head, so I don't know if that's a yes or a no. No one will tell me and I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know if I live or die. I don't know how Izzie fares." — Katherine Heigl. [E!]
• "In the film we made penises, and I'm walking around them — we have made them more or less the same dimensions, but there are bug penises, giraffe penises, goat penises. They are like a forest of penises. … I was already playing a starfish, or a bug. I thought that stretch was much bigger, to be a sea creature than to play a male! But the real reason is sometimes [males] move more. For example, the female spider sits on the web, and she is three to five times bigger than the male, so he has to approach her. I was reluctant to do mammals, because they look so similar to us. But what's interesting about the whale is the female puts her vagina on the surface of the water, out of the reach of the male. Then she can see the males fight and she can select which one she likes, and then she turns over and lets him get to her. I thought, I can do that!" — Isabella Rossellini, on playing the parts of animals, in her web series Green Porno. [NY Post]
• "I'm looking forward to knowing what's going on - I still have no clue. The only thing I ever got right was the island moving, which was pretty good. But that's it. I don't know what the story is or where we will end up." — Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer, of Lost. He also says when the show ends he will get a haircut: "One of our camera operators had a beautiful Mohawk. I've always wanted one." [The Sun]
• "Rule one – you don't play on the snooker table unless you've been asked. And, secondly, you never, ever, take the shepherd's pie unless Keith Richards' broken the crust first." — Mick Jagger, on touring with the Rolling Stones. [The Sun]
• "My first bra was not very exciting. I was a late bloomer-the last of my girlfriends to get one. It was this horrible training bra-type thing, but it prompted me to save my money and buy my own darn bra. My mom was like, ‘You can't have the black lace one.' And I was like, ‘Why not?' I've never equated beautiful lingerie with seduction or sex. It's not about trying to get a man. Not at all. It's about surrounding myself with beauty in my everyday life-whether it's a bra or a notebook. I want everything around me to be attractive because I look at it every day." — Dita Von Teese. [JustJared]
• "The biggest misconception about me is that I am not a real person. The assumption is that my eccentricity is not who I really am, but it is. I have lost my mind." — Lady GaGa. [NY Mag]

• Alan Cumming thinks that our new President, Barack Obama, has a large, ahem, unit:

"I think great leaders, charismatic leaders and men who are so confident and who have achieved so much, usually have big penises,” Cumming tells New York. "I think there’s a correlation between the level of confidence, the level of the way a man can hold a room and the way he conducts himself in life, with his penis size — with his comfort with his penis size. So much of male psyche is taken up with how big your cock is; it’s a huge deal in our lives, and so when you’re confident about your penis size, it shows. Well, just look at [Obama]. Just the way he’s so kind of elegant and very confident in his body and himself. Also, someone told me that they worked out with him in a gym in Chicago, and it was big." [NY Mag]

• Naomi Watts talks about her ex-boyfriend Heath Ledger in Parade magazine: "When I got to the set and did that first scene with him, I was like, ‘Wow! This guy is alive.’ It was just something deep in his eyes. You could look into them, and they would tell a thousand stories in one glance. There was a wonderful mixture of power and fragility at work in everything he did, which just pulls you in. His strength didn’t scare you. It intrigued you. And his fragility touched you." [MSNBC]
• Jessica Simpson performed yesterday in Charlottesville, Virginia, and referred to the kerfluffle over her body: "Thank you for your support," she told the crowd. "Stay positive, and pray out loud! Please remember, no matter what you go through in life, somebody else might have it harder. So just appreciate. I feel like in our world today we focus on so many things that are completely pointless." Word. [People]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Madonna and her kids are moving to the U.S. [The Sun]
• And! Her Madgesty will add another leg to her Sticky & Sweet tour, heading to the U.K. and Europe this summer. [Reuters]
• Renee Zellweger was not a VIP at Barack Obama's inauguration — by choice. "I wanted to be part of it and not in a celebrity way, where you're ushered into your safe place," she says. She listened to the ceremony from a barricade on First Street, next to a blind lady. [USA Today]
• £15,000 worth of stuff was stolen from Amy Winehouse's home — flat screen TV, guitars, recording equipment. Amy is still in the Caribbean, but is said to be "devastated." A source says: "Some of the guitars are irreplaceable due to their sentimental value." Hopefully they stole her crack pipe. [The Sun]
• So you know how a stage manager stole from the fashion closet of Lipstick Jungle? He also robbed Brooke Shields! "[He's] the same guy who stole my wallet out of my dressing room last season, right out of my purse!” Shields says. "He’s not very bright, because the purse was worth more than the wallet." [Gatecrasher]
• Traders on the Hollywood Stock Exchange are betting on Sex And The City 2. [WSJ]
• Anna Faris is engaged to actor Chris Pratt, who was on Everwood and The OC and currently plays Anne Hathaway's fiance in Bride Wars. Good luck, kids! [Us]
• Director Danny Boyle and producer Christian Colson have issued a statement denying that Slumdog Millionaire exploited two child actors: "Boyle and Colson said the kids were enrolled in school for the first time after filming, and a fund had been set up to cover their education, as well as their basic living costs, health care and any emergencies. If the children stay in school until they are 18, they will receive another lump sum." [Variety]
• In this interview, a man whose 7-year-old daughter appears in Slumdog says the filmmakers "are taking complete care of my child." "Whatever a parent could have done, they have done much more than that." [AP]
• Ugh, more Slumdog problems: In Mumbai, the flick is not exactly drawing people to the cineplexes, because people don't understand the title and rampant piracy means some have already seen it on DVD. [Reuters]
• Faith Hill is glad that Jennifer Hudson will sing at the Super Bowl: "I believe to come and perform the national anthem, which is this country's favourite song, at a time that our country is stepping up and moving forward for future generations - I think it's just the perfect choice." [The Star]
• Why did Bruce Springsteen — after being asked several times — finally agree to play the Super Bowl half-time show? "It was sort of, well, if we don’t do it now, what are we waiting for? I want to do it while I’m alive." [NY Times]
• Very unlikely duo Bob Dylan and will.i.am will both appear in a Pepsi commercial during the Super Bowl. How does it feel? To be on your own, like a black-eyed pea? [Reuters]
• Penelope Cruz says that Woody Allen is not sleazy, and only makes pervy comments to make people laugh: "On set he would say something completely wild and I would say, 'I can't believe those words came out of your mouth!'" Allen, she says, is "very peculiar – but I love him." [Guardian]
• Tom Cruise's flick, Valkyrie, was beaten at the box office in Germany by Twilight; and in England, Slumdog Millionaire crushed the Nazi flick. Valkyrie cost between $90 and $100 million to make and $50 to $60 mil to promote, but has grossed only about $83 million in the U.S. Not bad, but not the comeback Cruise was hoping for at his new studio. [Fox 411]
• James Brown's family will go to court today, hoping for a settlement regarding the late singer's estate, after two years of drama. [USA Today]
• Khloe Kardashian and Rashad McCants of the Minnesota Timberwolves have broken up. Khloe writes on her blog: "Relationships are hard enough as is when you live in the same city, and he's in a different city everyday for games." [Khloe Kardashian]
• Lil Wayne had to remove a song, Playing With Fire, from his hit album, That Carter III, due to a copyright suit: The track had melody and lyrics from the Rolling Stones' tune, "Play With Fire." If you go to iTunes, the song will have vanished. [WSJ]
• ABC has picked up a comedy, Let It Go, starring Lauren Graham, in which she plays a talkshow host who is dumped by her boyfriend and can't follow her own advice of "letting go." [Variety]
• Mike McCready from Pearl Jam, who suffers from Crohn's disease, is lobbying Washington state lawmakers to give people with gastrointestinal disorders more bathroom access. [AP]
• If you have $5.2 million, you can buy the former home of John Edwards and his glossy hair. [WSJ]
• More proof that the '90s are back: Jane's Addiction is planning a spring tour. [Gatecrasher]
• And more proof the '90s are back: House Of Style will return to MTV! Possibly with Bar Refaeli or Chanel Iman as host. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which baseball heartthrob may be playing for the other team? He secretly slides into bed with Florida fellas." [Gatecrasher]
• Is Ellen Barkin's new TV show — in which she plays a woman "famous for her high-profile marriage, who divorces and re-enters the single market" kinda like her actual life? [Page Six]
• Did Eliza Dushku brag about killing deer, elk and other animals? Apparently she said it was okay for her to hunt because she eats what she kills. Guess who's pissed? PETA. [Page Six]
• Jessica Alba has a bow tattooed above her crack. [The Life Files]
• "With the internet you can fight back. If someone has written something unjust, wrong or has offended me, or offended a friend, then that’s it. The other day Perez Hilton wrote that I was a lazy arse and I should give up on my record. Today, my single is No1 in the midweeks and I am on tour, working really, really hard. And his job is sitting at a computer all day. How can he call me lazy?!" — Lily Allen. [The Sun]
• "Being a nun now makes total sense. I wouldn't do it for Jesus - I would do it to see tabloid gossip people have zero to write about. 'She prays all fucking day - what are we going to write about now?' " — Lily Allen to Spin. [Page Six]
• "I used to pester my mother to have another baby when my father was still alive. She ended up having an eight hour operation to unblock her tubes and things like that. The operation was a success but my father died while she was having it, so it was really ironic, terrible timing." — Kate Beckinsale. [Daily Express]
• "We're planning a home birth, but it might be a Grammy birth! Eating a hot curry could make me go into labor, so imagine what getting on stage with Jay-Z, Lil Wayne and T.I. would do. Everyone's been very understanding." — M.I.A., who has been nominated for a Grammy and an Oscar, but is due the night before the Grammys. [WSJ]
• "If I'm not coming up with something I get very upset and start questioning it all. 'I can't get it out. I'm not worthy of the money I'm getting paid. There are people who are so much better.' I really beat myself up." — Lily Allen, on her writer's block. [WSJ]
• "I’m upset because I feel disrespected by the press and by Mr. Rourke. Just because I’m single doesn’t mean that you can take advantage of me. It’s unfair that the performances (in The Wrestler) might suffer because of all of these distractions. I'm not attracted to him, he's too old for me. Nothing ever happened and nothing ever will." — Evan Rachel Wood, on the rumors she was making out with Mickey Rourke after the SAG awards. [MSNBC]
• "I have a crush on Jimmy Carter. I admit it. He has an extraordinary mind. He's an exceptional human being. And he writes poetry, for crying out loud. He's all good things." — Renee Zellweger. [USA Today]
• "I’VE MADE SOME GOOD CHOICES AND SOME MISTAKES… I’VE BEEN LOVED AND HATED…. I’VE BEEN HAILED AND RIDICULED… I’VE BEEN INVITED TO SHOWS AND AS USUAL ASKED NOT TO COME… I’VE BEEN ATTACKED FOR BEING ME… FOR BEING BRIGHT RED IN A GREY WORLD…. I AM NUCLEAR ENERGY." — Kanye West, in an email to Rolling Stone. [Rolling Stone]

• Sources say Paula Abdul is basically done with American Idol. Just like when she sees a mediocre contestant, it's all: "Thank you, but no." [MSNBC Scoop]

• Former American Idol producer Nigel Lythgoe says maybe it was the producers' fault that "stalker" Paula Goodspeed ended up in the same room with Abdul on the show: "We've seen over 700,000 contestants. And one has made a terrible, terrible mistake." [People]
• Macaulay Culkin's sister Dakota died yesterday in a terrible traffic accident in L.A.; she stepped off a curb and was struck by a car. [TMZ]
• Scarlett Johansson talks about hubs Ryan Reynolds: "Getting married is a huge moment in anyone's life, and the few months leading up to it were a little crazy. But Ryan and I are in love, and we're enjoying evolving our relationship together. I feel that my life and my work are heading in the right direction." Also? They're both very romantic. Just so you know. [Perez Hilton]
• Holy sunglasses! Stevie Wonder might be the next contestant on Dancing With The Stars. Stevie sez: "It'd be fun. It's not impossible, but right now it's just a thought… Come on. You've got to think. If I have 7 children, I've got to be able to dance right?" [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, a book exposing secrets about Martha Stewart? Written by a member of her own family? Intimate details of Martha's boozing, eating and crying binges… the stars she hates, what really happened in prison and her "special" lady friend. A good thing? [Jossip]
• Tom Cruise's new flick, Valkyrie: Reviews are meh. Not good for a $90 million picture. [Fox 411]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty are still going strong; they were seen checking out some rock show in Hollywood. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Watch Sienna miller act like a mental patient as she wanders around in a hospital gown and smears blood on a wall in this video by UK band The Hours. Deep. [Just Jared]
• Mariah Carey's world tour is canceled. Bun in oven? [Perez Hilton]
• Britney's kid burped while she was wishing people Merry Christmas in a video or her site. Charming! [People]
• Heath Ledger's family is "so proud" the actor got a Golden Globe nomination for The Dark Knight. [People]
• There's a London couple being sentenced for supplying drugs to a "hit list" of celebs including — wait for it — Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• "Of the 90 or so actors to grace the Saturday Night Live stage since its first show in 1975, only eight have been African-American." Boo. And ridiculous. [Gatecrasher]
• Here's everything you never wanted to know about how Samantha Ronson is suing the lawyer she hired to stop Perez Hilton from spreading rumors about her and how the lawyer is suing her right back and how blogs are writing about the whole thing. [LA Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are joining the cast of Classic Stage Company’s production of Uncle Vanya. Pretty daamn cute, being in a plaay together. [NY Times]
• Ugly Betty's Ashley Jensen is suing the host of Bravo's Flipping Out, Jeff Lewis over "aggressive threats and outrageous behavior." [TMZ]
• We've heard this one before but here it is again: Seal says Heidi Klum told him she was pregnant after their first date. "I laughed and said, 'Already? That’s amazing!' She said, 'Not with you stupid.' There was a pause of about 10 seconds," Seal says, "and I said, 'It doesn’t change the way I feel about you because the fact that you are here tells me that you think a lot about me.'" [Mirror]
• Enrique Inglesias groped a 17-year-old girl on stage in London while singing to her. Well, he put his hand on her heart. But that is kind of close to some other stuff. The young lady in question, Maria from Essex says: "I had such an amazing night. I'll never forget it. It felt like a dream. He's so hot." [Mirror]
• Gilmore Girls star Lauren Graham is coming back to primetime! Look for her in an ABC comedy from writer Alex Herschlag (Will and Grace) about a self-help guru who teaches women how to live a stress-free life — but struggles to follow her own advice when her boyfriend dumps her. [Variety]
• Eminem and Dr. Dre are back in the studio, and Em says he and his mentor are "up to our old mischievous ways." Good news. [Reuters]
• Real estate drama between Nicolette Sheridan and former fiancé Michael Bolton: Dude is homeless! [Page Six]
• Did Gwyneth Paltrow have a boob job? [Page Six]
• Axl Rose is anthropophobic — afraid of people. Some people are probably quite Axlphobic. [Page Six]
• If you smell the pungent scent of marijuana, know this: Willie Nelson cannot be far away. [Page Six]
• Kim Raver's heading to Ethiopia for UNICEF. [Page Six]
• Whitney Port has finally discovered that L.A. guys are trolls and New York guys are "more confident and know what they want." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which rehabbed starlet convinced a group of college kids to bring her a big bag of powder? She hoarded all the drugs for herself before kicking the kids out of her hotel. But the crew had the last laugh - they stole her entire liquor stash as they left." [Gatecrasher]
• Rihanna and Kelly Osbourne are coaching Nicole Richie as she prepares to release her debut album? Does this mean corsets and "Papa Don't Preach"? [Daily News]
• ALL 13 streets on a new £400million estate are being named after Rolling Stones hits. [The Sun]
• "I've heard stories from my aunts and uncles and my dad, I had an attitude about Germans, a prejudice about them. I speak several languages and I'm interested in languages. I can read a German paper slowly and can almost figure it out, yet I don't speak German and I realize I don't want to speak German. I don't like the way it sounds and I don't like being in Germany. By playing a German and trying to be honest about it I sort of got past that prejudice and judgment... Germans are people too!" — Viggo Mortensen. [Daily Express]
• "Mental disease is the only thing you can be diagnosed with and get yelled at for having. Why is that? From the moment I was diagnosed there was a certain sense of euphoria and 'Thank God' we figured this out. I thought that I'd become such a curmudgeon." — The Sopranos' Joe Pantoliano, who was miserable despite the success and family he'd always wanted. (He was diagnosed with clinical depression.) [AP]
• "I loved her, no question, in the proper platonic sense but, yes, I loved her. We were filming one day and I kept her waiting on set because I was still in my caravan, playing cards. She stormed in and shouted: 'You are a real nut and I've met some nuts in my day.' And then she hit me. A couple of hours later, I went to see her and gave her a present to say I was sorry for keeping her waiting. She said: 'Don't worry, pig. I only hit the people I love.'" — Peter O'Toole on Katharine Hepburn. [Daily Mail]
• "Some people believe that if you date a person from another race you are somehow denying who you are. They believe that dating someone with a different skin color somehow makes you a self-hater, loathing that which makes you yourself. They believe that it's an insult to your parents, ancestors, heritage and community. I find this view much more telling about the people who say this than about those who do find a physical, spiritual, mental and emotional connection with someone who looks different than themselves. Choosing someone who I am physically attracted to and who also inspires, uplifts, educates and keeps me interested is my first priority- not their race." — Russell Simmons. [ONTD]
• "I've never played super-dark in a film. I think I'd be curious to do it. If a character comes along that I find really compelling and it works out that the director wants to go that direction with me, I'm totally willing to try. I've actually auditioned, but I think people have a hard time making the leap from — I don't want to use this as a cop-out, but my energy is not dark, my being is not dark. Oh, gosh — I can be very dark… I become very Eeyore." — Amy Adams. [Washington Post]
• "WHAT I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day" - Phyllis Diller in Bruce Littlefield's book, Merry Christmas, America!. [Page Six]
• "I have excellent facilities for ablutions, should you ever tire of the sweating and such. I'd be happy to scrub your back - from a safe distance." "We could meet early evening and bolster your rightly damaged ego with orgasms." "Come and see me in the daytime. We could generate a satanic infant." — text messages to ladies from Russell Brand. [Gatecrasher]

• Gwen Stefani gave birth yesterday! The baby boy, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale, weighed 8 1/2 lbs. Yes, "Nesta" was Bob Marley's middle name. Gwen and Gavin's other kid, Kingston, is named after a town in Jamaica. See the trend? [People]
• Newly pregnant: Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm. The dad is maybe probably property developer Thomas Starr, whom Mel has been seeing for six years. [The Sun]
• Makeup mogul Bobbi Brown has been named as a New Jersey delegate for the Democratic convention to support Barack Obama. She's done Michelle's makeup! She'll be giving delegates goody bags in Denver. [NY Mag]
• Teri Hatcher's former uncle through marriage, Richard Hayes Stone, had been serving a 14-year jail sentence for child molestation when he died Tuesday of colon cancer. Hatcher helped put Stone behind bars after she heard of a teen suicide involving a girl who knew Stone; Teri also revealed she'd been molested by Stone as a child as well. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Phelps was seen making out with Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice. They "swapped spit" at a party and then posed together for Speedo, "laughing and groping" each other. Olympic heat! [Page Six]
• No one wants to see Katie Holmes on Broadway. [MSNBC]

• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, 61, is still torn between his wife, 53, and his Russian lover, 20, whom he calls a "slut." He's currently battling booze in rehab. [The Sun]
• Despite the unexpected deaths of three patients and the rape of a teenage girl, Dr. Drew insists that Aurora Las Encinas is "an excellent hospital." As for the deaths and the rape, he says, "My heart is broken about these cases." While Drew Pinsky is the co-medical director of the chemical dependency program, he says of Las Encinas: "It's not my hospital." [LA Times]
• The Gossip Girl girls wearing My Fair Lady costumes. [Just Jared]
• Rihanna is number one on the charts, keeping American Idol alum David Archuleta from taking the top spot. [Reuters]
• Haha, this story is ridiculous: "Presumably Rihanna hoped that donning a wacky pair of boots would divert attention away from her latest romantic outing with lover Chris Brown." [The Sun]
• 50 Cent has met with officials regarding the fire that destroyed the house his baby mama and son were living in. The case is under investigation; what do you think they will find? [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z's new track, "Jockin' Jay-Z," has lyrics about Noel Gallagher: "That bloke from Oasis said I couldn’t play guitar/ Someone shoulda told him I’m a muthafucking rock star/ Today is gonna be the day that I’m gonna throw it back to you/ I’m living life as a rocker…" So current! [The Sun]
• Casting scoops on fall TV shows: Blythe Danner will guest star on Medium; there are two new peeps on Lost; James Cromwell is joining My Own Worst Enemy, that Christian Slater thriller. [EW]
• So you know how Courtenay Semel, Lindsay Lohan's former "roommate" and Tila Tequila's girlfriend, went to jail in Vegas on Wednesday? She was trying to get into a club with a passport and a California I.D., one of which was not in her name. She was detained by security and ended up hitting a guard on the back of the head. She can pay a fine or go in front of a judge. She should probably just shell out the cash. [Yahoo News, via E!]
• Sharon Osbourne has been approached to publish a work of fiction loosely based on her dealings with reality TV contests. A source says: "She wants it to be a Jackie Collins-inspired romp, something shocking, saucy and witty - and a chick lit hit." [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof's first week of married life involved seeing her husband's band play a gig. [Mirror]
• A lady thought that Lily Tomlin was cutting down trees on her property and called the cops but it turned out she was wrong and Lily Tomlin was having trees cut on her own damn property and the lady was just an alarmist. [LA Times]
• A dig at Amy Winehouse won funniest joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Here is comedian Zoe Lyons' joke: "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her." [The Star]
• Prepare yourself: Paris Hilton is coming out with something called The Bandit, which is "he first interchangeable hair extension headband." Act accordingly. [E!]
• Holy crap, this Jean-Claude Van Damme mockumentary sounds kind of awesome: JCVD plays himself in the midst of a hostage situation in his native Belgium. [Reuters]
• Pete Doherty has a new girlfriend. She's 18 and her name is Matilda. She says: "My mum made me attend alcohol counseling because I started drinking so much. Pete drinks a LOT and I feel like I have to keep up, but it's hard." [Mirror]
• Headline of the day: "Did Jackie Kennedy's Jealous Lover Order The Assassination Of Her Beloved Brother-In-Law Bobby?" [Daily Mail]
• Gary Glitter update: He's on his way to the UK, where he'll be met by police and placed on the sex offenders' register. [Guardian]
• The California Supreme Court has refused to take up the case in a bitter legal dispute between the three surviving members of The Doors. This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. [AP]
• "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff I've done for TV or movies. I grew up with the mindset that after work you go to dinner and watch a movie. I don't want to go to a club and not wear panties." —20-year-old Blake Lively, star of Gossip Girl. [Independent]

MOE: So let us consider the concert we just attended. For starters, that guy Paul. When I broke up with my last boyfriend I met him through our mutual friend Don, who introduced me to breakup songs other than Divorce Song, such as I Want You by Elvis Costello and Go On Ahead, also by Liz Phair, which is probably underappreciated.

JESS: oh that's one of my favorites from whitechocolatespace egg
and randomly i knew paul through my old job as a music critic, which feels like another lifetime

MOE: But yeah, so…what made you feel oldest last night? The $13 drinks? The fact that half the males in attendance were not graying but actually GRAY? Or lyrics like "You're probably shy and introspective that's not part of my objective I just want your fresh young jimmy cramming slamming ramming in me"

JESS: that was also the time when "fuck and run" really meant something to me
also they were all wearing button downs over their paunches
the graying men that is

MOE: Also we went to a nice restaurant afterwards with Kara Jesella and Marisa Meltzer, who wrote the Sassy book, and they were playing Portishead's second album, to which I knew all the words, and in the car they played both SWV and Tevin Campbell and I knew all the words and in the club after the show they played Bjork's Homogenic and seriously EVERYTHING ABOUT THE NIGHT WAS SO FUCKING NINETIES except, of course, for the prices, which ranged from $16 for my sandwich to upwards of three hundred for whatever cute shoes Kara was probably wearing and, um, oh my god it is so not the nineties anymore, because in the nineties it was our parents who were re-purchasing their record collections on CD and investing in new Dolby sound systems and Don't Stop Thinking About Tomorrow was the Clintons' campaign anthem only ironically all ANYONE was thinking about was yesterday, except us! Because Liz Phair was so amazing and cool and revolutionary and ALTERNATIVE.

JESS: um, see, i always though of it as more or less adolescent instead of 90s per se
but maybe the 90s was about indulging your extended adolescence!
though i feel it will ring true for generations of disaffected teens tk

MOE: Basically what I am saying is that our corner of New York is a pricey nineties theme park, one someone is surely working hard to duplicate in Dubai, and so, when she said she always thought of Exile — she just called it Exile, right? — as a "New York album" I found that distinctly problematic.
Because in New York none of us would have fallen in love with those losers and Liz Phair anyway would be in therapy.

JESS: well that was just pandering, but perhaps in our corner of new york everyone is pandering
to us and our neurosis!
so at this point liz phair is a simulacrum of liz phair
is that what you're getting at?

MOE: Sort of, and like, if I were listening to this album today or here, "Never Said" might be my favorite song. But like, "Shatter" and "Strange Loop" would have seemed off.
Stratford-On-Guy and Johnny Sunshine as opposed, you know, to "Canary"

JESS: But! That's because we're olds now
not because it's the aughts

MOE: But last night, thooooose were the songs I sang loudest

JESS: I mean I think it's an intensely personal album

MOE: And didn't have to think about the words to.

JESS: I still relate to Canary
Because I am a pollyanna!
Who wishes she were more transgressive

MOE: Yeah I don't think I've related to Canary for a little while, but that's because Catholic education makes everyone feel like a disobedient fuckup I guess.

JESS: When I hear Fuck and Run now, it's like watching a sepia-toned film reel

MOE: I'm not going to be ashamed that "I have a lot of work to do" is something that gets said in the morning post sex in my case fairly often. I guess because I'm usually the one to say it. But yeah, I remember listening to that song over and over again in the late stages of my first relationship and thinking, "Wait, that used to be me. I wonder if it still is me!" Hahahaha and almost ten years later why yes it is! Just not every day.

JESS: I sometimes miss it
it was exciting
the fuck and run period
I still relate Stratford-on-Guy
relate to

MOE: So Marisa had seen the documentary, which is apparently crap. (A lot of these movies are I guess, though my sister liked the Wilco movie, which I still haven't seen, but there was this hardcore movie out recently and I saw it in LA and it was soooooo goddamn bad, it was like they hadn't even read Our Band Could Be Your Life. Anyway, the important part is here is the trailer and apparently Steve Albini of Urge Overkill was there and he was NOT looking hot.

JESS: OMG I was so sad i missed seeing him
It needs to be said that Liz was looking hot
It also needs to be said that perhaps it's the HWC
sorry. I needed to get that out of my system.

MOE: Ew ew ew. Personally, I think she should lay off the highlights and tight
dresses. And the lipgloss that be poppin. Just me. But whatever, yes, she looked hot. MILFy. Made me want to lay off the Parliaments I guess.
Oh my god, watch the trailer, that guy we met last night is in it! Who became friends with Liz somehow. Which is so cool! I would have talked to him, but I think I was too drunk and also, distracted by the Portishead.

JESS: I think her hair might have been a weave though! I peeped it closely when we came in

MOE: See, I like how she looks about 1:35 into this trailer.

JESS: but we did discover that his girlfriend also has her period super frequently, JUST LIKE US
DAVE MATTHEWS?
why is she only talking to dudes about it though

MOE: Wait, Dave Matthews is in it? I thought it was just some guys who looked like Dave Matthews. Oh wait, because the reissue is on his label, like Ben Kweller. I read once that she owned her masters which is why she could do that. Smart! I think she is talking to dudes because it's about Guyville. Obviously their antipathy is a lot more interesting than our adulation. Or maybe it's not. I so wish they'd interviewed Hitchens. Memo to Graydon Carter: command Hitchens to review this movie immediately!

JESS: hahahahahahahah
WELL her band was also all dudes
Except for that one bitch who got up to sing FLower
It's not necessarily a judgment, merely an observation.
That was definitely Dave Matthews. His voice is really distinctive

MOE: Actually I don't think Brits really get Liz Phair, which is one of the reasons I listened to it so much in Hong Kong, and also ironic, considering that the Stones are British…I think the Brits understand Liz Phair perhaps less than they understand Cantonese. But anyway, this is a thing: is there a British counterpart? Justine Frischmann was also a heroine (heh) of mine but she was so much genuinely cooler than Liz Phair. Which is why I don't think she's doing very much right now. Though she gave the world M.I.A. (Rad.)

Dave Matthews fucked like half the girls in the Virginia high schools' classes 1992-98. I was not in that half though.

JESS: oh i LOOOOOOOVe justine
what about P.J. Harvey
she's a limey

MOE: But like, Justine was more of a Kim Gordon type right? well no Kim Gordon held it together.

JESS: Also Justine was never as personal. I always felt Elastica's music was more fun than thoughtful necessarily
Kim Gordon is another can of worms
maybe Justine is like Kim Deal

MOE: But Liz was not like that, she did not desire to be a scene elder, she just wanted to tell those guys off and then go live happily ever after I guess. Good for her! But no, I don't really think that, the same way I don't really think it's true that "You can be shallow and deep and read celebrity tabloids and the Zimbabwe election and there's no conflict" the way Kim France would have you believe. There's only so much time, and just because those guys are pricks doesn't mean you necessarily should have wasted yours getting made over by Avril Lavigne, Liz! Although Linda Hirshman would probably approve since you were just trying to get paid.

JESS: Yeah, I thought that was her entire rationale
she has a kid now
she needs to make some cash

actually, i wrote this open letter to liz after her disastrous chicks with attitude tour

wow, even reading things i wrote four years ago is really embarrassing

MOE: Everything about the past is embarrassing. Like, reading this exchange in 10 minutes when I post it: probably gonna be embarrassing.

UPDATE: Yeah guys, I know who Steve Albini is because, as I pointed out, I read that book Our Band Could Be Your Life, I just had a brainfart, thanks for your concerns. The guy Marisa saw was actually named Nash Kato, which is totally the name of someone you'd think was really cool in the nineties.

MOE: Ralph Nader thinks Obama is "acting white" to hone in on "white guilt" which doesn't even make sense but white people are eating it up blah blah blah asbestos. Thought 1: I would really love to hear him discuss all this with Karl Rove. Thought 2: Ralph Nader is supposed to be Arab; where does he get off making payday loans and asbestos his thing???

MEGAN: Nader is Arab, though Christian Arabic. My question is whether he went and, like, looked at Obama's plans on predatory credit or mortgage fraud or Obama's agenda on agenda on poverty before he opened his maw and called him "half African-American" as an insult.
MEGAN: Oh, and payday loans are in there, too, Ralphie.

MOE: And Efraim Diveroli reminds Thomas Frank more of Jeff Spicoli than Andy Samberg. He advises Obama to launch a reverse Grace Commission to examine the "sordid history of privatization in all its details." That would, like, make my crappy hour every day. And yeah re Nader, it's not like he spent his political career in Vermont, move on…the antipathy he inspires from the old guard sanctimonious left is kind of amusing.
MOE: See, why can't all those California lefties be like these guys???

MEGAN: I could see you volunteering to staff that commission, dude. Did I ever tell you my dad's old job was "privatized" when Pataki took office in NY? They contracted out his whole department at the university to get people off the ostensible payroll (though mostly people were just shifted around into departments that were led by the friends of the Republican overseers), and in my dad's case, his boss went to the Powers That Be and showed them that the entire department, salaries, benefits and supplies, cost less than the outsourced gig and pointed out the contract they were about to sign would leave the university without technical support after 4.5 months if the number of calls remained the same. The PTB signed the contract anyway, the contractor met his service quota by the end of the 3rd month and stopped providing service at his initial rate, the university ended up quietly re-insourcing the contract and the Republicans got to claim "credit" for "getting" 10,000 people off the state payroll. Good times.
MEGAN: Re: the George Bush Sewage Treatment plant, a synchronized flush is a waste of water, people. Also, Republicans can't talk about wasting money renaming stuff after Republican Congressman now Libertarian Presidential Candidate Bob Barr's little crusade to name a building in every state after Ronald Reagan, which cost millions and millions of dollars. They can suck a ballot-initiative treatment plant and I can call it NATIONAL airport, fuck you very much.
MOE: Tell it to the Disgrace Commission! And yeah everyone calls it National Airport. Was it Chris Hitchens who was once interviewed and the whole time he spent blusterfully refusing to call it Reagan? Anyway that's something we can all agree on. Here is something else: Irish Catholics in the media really fucking how to embarrass themselves.

MEGAN: Um, wow, it's actually kind of hard to offend me but the person (people?) who wrote that have managed. Irish-Catholics are a "gang of kooks"? They have "the obsessiveness of their ethnic/religious culture"? Irish Catholics at NBC are "a gang of such perfect crackpots"? Patrick Buchanan is "the sane one of these three."?
MEGAN: Dude who wrote that: go fuck yourself.
MEGAN: For real.
MEGAN: With a spiky acid-tipped dick.

MEGAN: Instead of me just being angry, why don't we soothe my ruffled feathers by talking about Russ Feingold and why I really think he should've made Obama's short list. The man's a liberal's intellectual wet dream, a civil liberties god, etc.
MOE: Dude, maybe I am just too Irish Catholic, but I read that whole thing and thought - as I laughed — GUITY GUILTY GUILTY. All the oversharing! The demons! Using the romantic notion that the Irish Catholic are some scrappy disadvantaged minority in the Washington news media as an excuse to look out for the interests of Maria Shriver?? No, that's just kind of funny. But Maria Shriver repeating that story? As Kathleen Matthews said "All of us who are Irish say, Let's purge the dark side of our Irishnessand let's hold on to the good positive side of it." Which I think means get me a drink and I'll tell you the story of this one time a guy shaved off my pubic hair before we fucked and I thought it was really funny at the time because I was on Vicodin but not so much when it grew in. He was Catholic too, but Italian or Portuguese or something. Dark.

MOE: All of which is just to say.

MATTHEWS (6/16/08): So let me ask you about the ethnic piece of this. Why do Irish Catholics make some great cops, such great prosecutors? Michael, I mean, they are!
…
BARNICLE: I think it begins—as just Pat referenced, I think it begins with so many Irish Catholics of a certain age, of a certain generation, with their parochial school education, and they come to life later on with a missionary zeal for the truth because it begins in parochial school.

Maybe when I die you and Slut Machine can have an IM about being Irish and use some of these exchanges as a guide!
MEGAN: I used to have a Irish Catholic boyfriend shave my Bush regularly. But I don't think it had anything to do with us being Irish or him being Catholic or me being formerly-Catholic. I just don't like being called a kook or a wackjob because of the religion that my mother chooses to practice. Like we're all some crazy cult or something? I don't have a lot of lines, but that dude crossed it.
9:25 AM
MEGAN: I mean, a lot of NY and Boston cops are Irish. I don't know that I'd call them all great, though. It's more like a family business for a lot of people, like the military but with less moving.
MOE: It just appealed to my missionary zeal for the truth I guess. The "cooks" part was just a joke pretty much. Okay, so what else? Ralph Nader is also profiled in the Post today. Such charisma that guy:

When an aide relays a young woman's request to stop for a picture, Nader has had enough. "No!" he snaps, walking away. "It's always 'one more'!"

MEGAN: Such a nice guy, that Nader. Can you believe people hate him? They've just been brainwashed by the two-party system! It's not because he's an egotistical, self-centered asshole who doesn't care what actually happens to this country as long as he gets on the teevee.
MOE: Oh god and the media is doing its best to make me squirm today…like did the Obama campaign really have to release his iPod playlist? I mean, sure, it's cute when Meghan McCain does it but…wouldn't it have just been cooler if some girl had been using his same Wifi signal and clicked on "Barry's LimeWire Tunes" and then the world got to know the only natural way how Obama was listening to pirated Ludacris tracks?
MOE: Musical interlude

MEGAN: Well, he totally had to prove that 99 Problems wasn't on it! Also, if I find out that the shitty new Sheryl Crow album is on his playlist, I'm out.
MEGAN: Is is sad that I sort of fucking love Roll Out? The summer that song was out, I was working in Bethesda and driving to work, and I used to blast it in the car with the windows down singing along, even though Move Bitch is a better D.C. traffic song.

MOE: God I fucking love YouTube. And no, "Roll Out" is just fucking irrefutable. My friend Don actually has these games, "The Irrefutables" where you take one artist, and you say totally arbitrarily, "Okay, there are nine irrefutable Billy Joel songs, NAME THEM." And then what ensues is part-race, part-debate over whether "Always a Woman" is indeed irrefutable or whether you should be hanged for even suggesting as much. And then there's another game called "You think you're so cool, but you can't deny…" And that's where you take a cheesy song or artist and then the debate is over whether you can, indeed, deny the merits of, you know, "Maybe I'm Amazed."
MOE: Or in the case of the Obama playlist, "My favorite Mistake"
MOE: You can also do it with other things, such as you think you're so cool, but you can't deny…TIM RUSSERT.
MEGAN: This is probs an Irrefutable.
MOE: Dude that movie was fucking irrefutable. The Stones are a band you never want to get into the Irrefutables with though because everyone's drunk and you can't count that high. You have to break it up with bands like that, like maybe Stones songs set in train stations…

MEGAN: Sorry, I'm now totally distracted by the Stones, damn you
MOE: Also, a final thing, you can't get into Irrefutables unless you have a certain amount of distance from the artist. Like I wouldn't personally attempt it with Neko Case or obviously the Replacements or Pavement, and you probably wouldn't want to get into it with Barack Obama and Stevie Wonder and to that end fucking yes, it is summer
MEGAN: Or, we could bring it all back to Tim Russert, yet again, since I'm a narcissitic Irish Catholic.

• Is there anything Chloe Sevigny can't do? Playing a polygamist's wife, designing a clothing line for Opening Ceremony, acting as style adviser to British ELLE, and now, designing hand-crafted steamer trunks for Samsonite. [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Sevigny reportedly laughed loudly and openly at last night's Miss Sixty show. From the front row, no less! [NY Mag]
  
• Several models were burned by faulty lighting used during a shoot for Marc Bouwer last week. Says a rep for Bouwer, "No one knew the lamp was giving off that much heat until the shoot ended. If they had known, they would have stopped right away." [Page Six]
  
• Fashion victim! A Cosmopolitan fashion editor is suing a slew of people, including Diane von Furstenberg, following the 2005 incident in which she was injured by falling lights from the fashion runway. [UPI]

• The manager of an Abercrombie & Fitch store in Virginia Beach was ticketed by police for displaying overly "racy" A&F posters in the store. [UPI]
• Adam Lippes, formerly the designer of AdamPlusEve and now head of his own eponymous collection, is taking on a design collection with Spanish-based chain Mango. The Adam for Mango collection will feature 15 looks each for men and women and will be in stores for the Spring 2009 season. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Carla Bruni: Married to Nicolas Sarkozy while wearing Hermes. [WWD, 1st item]
• "This is worse than the Stones concert in '72!" That would be photographer Mick Rock, on the ill-behaved crowds outside the Rock & Republic show on Saturday night. [WWD, 2nd item]
• People will always need underwear: Hanesbrands' profits rose by 103.9% in the last quarter. [WWD, sub req'd]
• The Prada party taking place Thursday night in New York is sounding more and more like cheap porn: The short film created by Prada, Trembled Blossoms, will be screened and rock band CocoRosie will perform. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Have the designers at ThreeAsFour been reading Jezebel? The theme of their show this past weekend was "The good, the bad, and the beauty." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Heidi Klum and I have similar feelings about Valentine's Day: "If you're only in love once a year, that would be very sad!" [Chic Report]
• Costume designer Patricia Field on the look of the upcoming Sex and the City movie: "One might be dressing older, one might be dressing richer. There's always a blend of old and new because they don't change." [FabSugar]
• Former congressman Harold Ford Jr.'s fiance Emily Threlkeld pays her bills by working in business development for Carolina Herrera. [Washington Post]

• Lindsay Lohan: "Did not do drugs they're not mine." Isn't this the same excuse from like, every episode of Cops? [People]
  
• Oh, and if Lindsay gets "the book thrown at her" for all of her offenses, she could face six years in jail. [TMZ]
  
• But Dina Lohan swears she "won't give up" on Lindsay. [People]
  
• Oh, hey — did you know that Promises rehab facility has a bar? Oh, wait. Joke! [DatelineHollywood]
  
• The Britney OK! Magazine photo shoot sounds more and more trainwreck-y. Did she "flee" wearing several thousand dollars of merchandise? [Page Six]
  
• Paula Abdul, fired from the Bratz movie? That's an outrage! [Page Six]
  
• Scary Spice hints that Eddie Murphy's "lifestyle" is less than savory. Tranny hookers, anyone? [Rush&Molloy]

• Is Jay-Z leaving his record label? Does anyone care? [Gatecrasher]
• Here's a blind item: "Which toke-loving chart-toppers caused a security scare because they were so stoned they left behind unattended luggage at an airport?" [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Keith Richards' autobiography may go for a whopping $7.1 million. "This is Bill Clinton money," says a source. And drug money! Kidding! [NYO]