Jezebel: rock of love

Charm School: Jessica Bursts Into Tears Because Everyone Thinks She's Perfect

Tracie — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:30:00 EST

On last night's episode of Charm School, the girls were asked to examine why Kristy Jo and Jessica (arguably the most normal girls in the house) are still in the competition if they don't need improving, and to decide which one should be sent packing. So basically, they had to decide which one of them was less of a trainwreck. They ultimately decided that Jessica had her shit together, and that she should leave. Despite the fact that this was a compliment, Jessica was extremely hurt by how the girls were "judging" her without knowing her, and spent the day crying, which led some to believe that maybe she really is a more of a mess than they realized. Clip above.

Charm School: Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies

Tracie — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:00:00 EST

Last night's episode of Charm School was the most awesome display of unladylike, drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on Rock of Love. The girls had a challenge in which they were given makeovers to look really ugly, and were then sent to a bar. Then all hell broke loose when they got back to the house. Brandi C. hocked the thickest, mucous-y loogie into Destiny's face for no apparent reason other than to punctuate a screaming match. Then Heather took a time out from dry heaving to yell at Lacey about it, then Lacey followed her out of the room and called her a bitch (natch), and then Heather hurled a plate at her head. Clip above.

Some Rock Of Love Girls Don't Know What "Décolletage" Means

Tracie — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 18:00:00 EST

On last night's episode of Charm School, the former Rock of Love contestants were given an etiquette class so that they wouldn't slurp soup or forget to wear panties in front of their visitor, a duchess from England. (Actually, she was an actress playing a duchess from England.) The girls were given a set of rules to memorize and follow, like how to properly say her name, when to curtsy, etc. One of the most important, "no duh," rules was that the duchess was not to be exposed to "another woman's décolletage." Oddly, for a group of women who often rely on their breasts, some of them didn't know what the word means. Clip above.

Charm School Girls Promote Camel Toe

Tracie — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 18:00:00 EST

The whole reason that the ladies from Rock of Love are on Charm School is because they want to refine themselves from their crass ways. On last night's episode, their challenge was to create, manage and style a rock band, and have them perform one song. One team picked a girl vocalist, and when the stylist (a former stripper) was left to her own devices, she actually made the lead singer look as crass as she possibly good, pronounced camel toe and all. The girls didn't see a problem with any of this until the judges told them that they were "uncomfortable" watching her perform in that outfit. So it goes to show that you can take a stripper out of the strip club, but you can't take the stripper out of her fashion sense. Clip above.

Charm School Girls Wear Their Favorite Outfits; Cleavage Ensues

Tracie — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:00:00 EDT

It's safe to say that the women from the two seasons of Rock of Love aren't exactly Coco Chanel. Most of them wear outfits that I've seen for sale on the Atlantic City boardwalk. On last night's episode of Charm School, the girls were told to wear their favorite outfits to their lesson, so they could get pointers on how to look like a lady. Frankly, I don't want them to look like ladies. They're perfect in their favorite outfits, which 1.) rarely involve bras or 2.) only involve bras. Clip above.

Charm School Ladies Have Weird Ideas About STDs

Tracie — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 16:20:00 EDT

If there were a few things that we thought we could safely assume about the Charm School/Rock of Love girls, it's that they love booze and that they must be pretty well-versed on STDs, seeing as how the majority of them have worked in the sex industry in some capacity. Well, they do love alcohol. However, judging from this booze-fueled clip in which Brandi M, Inna and Heather are gossiping about the other girls, their ideas about how someone can catch STDs, specifically crabs, are about as fuzzy as their memories of this conversation. (Luckily the cameras were around to catch everything.)

Charm School Girls Take Issue With Being Called "Trailer Park" Or "Fat"

Tracie — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Charm School is so much better than Rock of Love, because we don't have to pretend that the girls even give a crap Bret Michaels. Instead, we can just revel in their fake boobs, shitty extensions, and various shortcomings, as they try to determine who is the trashiest girl. On last night's episode, my personal fave from RoL 1, Brandi M. got into it with my I Love Money faves Brandi C. and Megan when the latter two accused Brandi M. of being "trailer trash." And while I love me some airbrushed clothing (I grew up on the Jersey shore), it was kinda hard for Brandi M. to debate them on this when she was standing there in the classic TP uniform of an airbrushed wifebeater and short shorts. Clip above.

Charm School: Rock Of Love Is Totally, Trashily Awesome

Tracie — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 18:00:00 EDT

Last night was the premiere of the second season of Charm School. This time around, Sharon Osbourne is guiding the girls from the two seasons of Rock of Love, helping them to evolve past their stripper/amateur porn personae into lovely, well-behaved young ladies. As you can imagine, things got off to a rocky start. Courtney, the girl who drank so much during the first night of Rock of Love 2 that she passed out and missed the elimination ceremony, did the same exact thing here. Lacey started shit with a bunch of the girls, and tried to pull what she thought was a wig off one girl's head, but it turns out that it was just a really shitty weave. Another girl said that Lacey's hair looked like her "period." Yup, this season is sure to be awesome.

Rock Of Love's Heather Schools Us On The Business Of Reality TV

Tracie — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Heather Chadwell is perhaps best known as the 30-something stripper on Rock of Love, then later as the most recent player eliminated on I Love Money. When she's not filming reality shows, she earns extra cash "hosting" at bars around the country. VH1 followed Heather around during one of these engagements in NYC, and she was super candid about how to have a "career" in reality television, how it is indeed a business, and how she amps it up when being filmed.

Heather Steps Out [VH1]

For The First Time In Reality History, Rodeo Has Difficulty Crying

Tracie — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:00:00 EDT

I don't really watch I Love Money to get involved in the competition but because I'd rather just kind of sit back and observe these people get drunk and make out and fight; it's kinda like reading a magazine but only looking at the pictures. But on last night's episode, the challenge was so good: The contestants all had to make themselves cry. They were allowed to use tools like onions, cigar smoke, hot sauce, and cayenne pepper, but one member of each team was restricted from using the tools and was only allowed to cry on command. Obviously, hilarity ensued. Clip above.

So things didn't work out between Bret Michaels ...

Tracie — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:20:00 EDT

So things didn't work out between Bret Michaels and Ambre Lake (surprise, surprise), which of course sucks for Ambre, but is awesome for us because that means that Brett will continue to rock our world with Rock of Love 3, which will begin airing on VH1 in early 2009. This time, the show will take place on a tour bus, driving around the country for a month and stopping in different cities where the girls will engage in challenges to win Bret's love. But don't worry, we've been assured that Mud Bowl will still be an element on the show. [VH1]

I Love Money: Pumkin May Or May Not Have An Eating Disorder

Tracie — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 15:00:00 EDT

It sort of goes without saying that a lot of the cast members on these VH1 dating shows are kind of gross. Not because of how they look, but because of how they act. On last night's episode of I Love Money, Pumkin — the one who explained on the first episode that she's "a little ghetto" — decided that she needed to turn on the waterworks in order to win sympathy with Destiney, the girl who, ironically, would decide whether or not Pumkin would go home or stay in the game. Pumkin sobbed as she told Destiney that she used to have an eating disorder, and used to be a "big bitch." However, we're not that convinced that she's that good of an actress, so we're thinking that maybe there's some truth to her admission. Whatever the case, the plan worked, and she stayed. Clip above.

I Love Money Is The Root Of All Schadenfreude

Tracie — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 12:00:00 EDT

I Love Money, VH1's new show in which cast members from Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, and I Love New York compete for cash, was pretty much everything it promised to be: Trashy, gross, awesome. In this clip, from the first episode, Pumkin, an alum from the first Flavor of Love — whose biggest contribution to pop culture, thus far, has been hocking a loogie on New York during elimination — says that if she wins the money in question, she will get boob job to fit in. This statement might be sarcastic, but it's questionable as to whether she has a grasp on how to even structure a joke like that. Anyway, this leads to a verbal altercation in which one girl calls her a "saggy boob sock." Also, Pumkin's nipple is exposed for pretty much the entire time. Classy!

Our Favorite Reality Dating Show Castmembers Return For I Love Money

Tracie — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:00:00 EDT

This is an extended trailer for the new VH1 reality show I Love Money, which features our favorite cast members (Rodeo, anyone?) from Flavor of Love 1 & 2, Rock of Love 1 & 2, and I Love New York 1 &2. It's akin to those Real World/Road Rules Challenges, and there's no point to the show other than to win money and stab people in the back. which is just about the perfect thing for all these reality "stars" to be involved in. The challenges are based on events that happened in the shows in which they first appeared, for example, there's a spitting challenge, like when Pumkin spit on New York, and a joust in match on a giant bed, from when Saphyri beat that one girl up five minutes into moving into the FOL house. I Love Money premieres July 6. Check out more Rodeo after the jump.

You have to sit through White Boy talking for a while, but the Rodeo segment is great:

Loose Lips

Jessica — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 11:45:00 EDT

Celine Dion is suing her architect for $250,000 in damages for refusing to build her the octagonal living room she had planned for her Jupiter Beach, Florida home. Architect Randall Stifft apparently had a "different vision" for the space, says TMZ. It sounds like Randall's about to get Stifft by Celine. ZING! • Tim Russert's 22-year-old son, Luke, went on the Today show this AM to talk about his dad, reports Us. "I spoke to him at least two to three times a day… It had to do with the election coming up, sports, or just about life. There was always a lot of love from him. We would always hug. There’s not a day that goes by that I have not known my father loves me. For that, I’m eternally grateful." • Rock of Love winner Ambre is still with Bret Michaels, several months after the show finished. That's like a gold anniversary in reality TV years. [TMZ, Us, Vh1 via Dlisted]

"What's Wrong With Me?"

Tracie — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 16:20:00 EDT

It's time for another installment of Pot Psychology, the advice column in which everyone's problems are solved with an "herbal" remedy. (Remember, kids: Don't do drugs!) In this episode, the Hoda to my Kathie Lee, Rich, helps me dole out advice on stuff like ticklish balls, dating transsexuals, and lost panties. Got a burning question? Send it to tips@jezebel.com with "Pot Psychology" in the subject line. (Please keep them short; they're verrrry hard to read when stoned.)

Loose Lips

Jessica — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:40:00 EDT

O sad day! Adorable couple Liv Tyler and husband Royston Langdon have split! Her rep wants people to respect the couples' privacy blah blah blah. • Ashlee Simpson called Britney Spears a "trashy girl" on a British TV show. Pot, kettle, etc. • George Clooney and Sarah Larson are secretly obsessed with Rock of Love. No one can resist the charms of Bret's weave! [People, The Sun, Us]

This Week We Hung Out With A Lot Of Child Molesters

Jessica — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 18:00:00 EDT

We were so into the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints and their Yearning For Zion Ranch, where girls in their early teens get married off to gross molesty old men with multiple other wives, none of whom are allowed to wear red because that's Jesus' color.
Are those teens better, or worse off than the brave 8-year-old Yemeni girl name Nojoud Muhammed Nasser who was married off by her crazy homeless father, but has now successfully filed for divorce.
A study in contrasts: the marriage of Nojoud Muhammed Nasser versus the insane Southern belles of MTV's True Life who call themselves "old maids" at age 24.

OMG I almost forgot about that Australian father and daughter who fuck and have babies. Oh ew.
Can't some people just have a nice, normal wedding that doesn't involve incest, polygamy, statutory rape, fake boobs or Botox?
Mommablogger Dooce appears to be a fairly reasonable person whose wedding probably didn't involve any of those things.
Karl Lagerfeld hates Dooce's kid, though. Actually he hates all children. And also fat people!
You know who probably had kind of shitty moms? Those horrid teenage cheerleader bitches who beat the living hell out of their friend and may now face life in prison.
So make a bonfire out of Cosmo's "Sexy" issue, and rip off that bandanna you've been wearing. Let it all hang out this weekend!

Loose Lips

Jessica — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 17:40:00 EST

Drew Barrymore announced on Oprah that she's donating $1 million to the World Food Programme. "I have seen with my own eyes what a difference a simple cup of nutritious porridge can make in a child's life," Drew said. We love Drew for this, but she always sounds a little dippy. • Michelle Williams' dad, Larry, who is holing up in Australia and fighting tax evasion charges in the U.S., has hired Wesley Snipes's lawyers. He owes the U.S. government $1.9 million in back taxes. • Turns out that Daisy from Rock of Love is Oscar De La Hoya's niece. We learn something new and important every day. [People, News.com.au, Dlisted]

Bret Michaels: Hat Holding On The Bandanna Holding On The Wig

Slut Machine — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 12:15:49 EST

[LAX, Feb. 14. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Rock Of Love 2 Sneak Peek Threatens Us With A Good Time

Slut Machine — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:30:00 EST

A four-minute, extended preview for Rock of Love 2 has been airing on VH1 this week (during the week-long marathon of every cycle of ANTM, which was a hangover helper on January 1). First of all, how gorgeous is Bret's new wig? Secondly, the girls vying for Bret's love (or temporary attention?) this time around seem like they'll be just as awesome, if not more so, than last season's ragtag group of strippers, hairdressers, and nurses. For instance, there's a girl who's so nervous she's gonna shit in her pants, another girl who learns things about the world on MySpace, and some kind of foreign girl that wants to fuck Bret in the pool ASAP. But better yet, some of last season's girls come back to visit, like Lacey (ugh!), Heather (tatters!) and best of all, our favorite health sausage saleswoman Rodeo. (We get another chance to bask under her rainbow of never ending love!) The new season starts on January 13. That's only 10 days away! So friggin' excited.

Cosmo UK Contest: Win A Date With An Abusive Miserly Drunk

Jessica — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:00:18 EST

In the September issue of British Cosmo, the magazine allowed a multi-millionaire bachelor named Robin MacDonald to write what basically amounted to a singles ad saying he was "desperately searching for the perfect woman to share the medieval castle in Staffordshire he called home." The magazine then went on to host a sort of speed-dating competition for interested applicants. But Prince Charming is actually a nasty drunk! I know, you're reeling from this revelation, right??? And you have the Daily Mail to thank: the British newspaper interviewed MacDonald's ex-fiance, Rita Karia, who describes how he acted when she finally left his drunk abusive ass, assaulting her with text messages that said things like, "You'd better be down on your knees apologising when I arrive." She got a restraining order or some British equivalent. And meanwhile, he got a story written about him in Cosmo.

So what the fuck is their excuse? They weren't going to, like, run a criminal record check on such a fine young rich upstanding member of society? Did they learn nothing from the Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire debacle of '00?? Did the 300 women who applied learn nothing from "Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire"? Do none of us learn anything from anything? Is it a pointless act simply covering stories like this at all because there is always a new desperate ignorant cute girl waiting in the wings to learn the hard way??? Rhetorical question, but ha ha ha, we said "hard."

Cosmo's millionaire bachelor Robin MacDonald destroyed a year of my life with his drunken rages [Daily Mail]

Earlier: Why Superrich Guys Feel Entitled To Keep Underage Sex Slaves

Reader Roundup

Jessica — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 16:50:00 EST

Best Comment of the Day in response to, Meet The Cast Of Rock Of Love 2: "hopefully, there'll be another hungry hungry strippo starving for bret's love and affection." We say: as always, Bret's goal is to get her off of the stripper pole, and onto his own. • Worst, in response to Katie Holmes' Sleepy Face, Tousled Hair: "They look like they just banged in the bathroom of whatever restaurant they're coming out of." We say: this is not worst because it's false, worst because...just, ew.

'Rock Of Love': Reunited And It Feels So Good

Tracie — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 11:00:00 EDT

It was great to see the gang back together on last night's reunion episode of Rock of Love, but honestly, we were a bit disappointed, only because we wanted more. It should've been two hours, not one. We didn't even get a Tiffany segment! However, we were happy to finally to see Mia come out of her shell, since once she did, she implied that Lacey's cooch is unkempt. And we loved that Brandi M. imitated the way Lacey walks toward the limo in her bunk-ass YouTube video. After the jump, take a look at the rest of the girls.

Brandi C. looks better.

Dallas is just as weird as ever. And what was with that remark toward Lacey about how she doesn't date black men? And then audience applauded as though it were a successful jab at Lacey or something.

Erin looks better.

Heather looks...different.

Jes looks the same.

So does Jessica. We're not sure if that's a good thing.

Who the fuck is this girl?

Kristia has cuter extensions.

We're all still laughing with Rodeo.

Adorable:

Yikes:

Yikes x 10:

So pissed that this was like the only Tiffany moment on the whole episode.

So Lacey's band Nocturne performed.

And this is how the crowd reacted:

Magdalena's boredom was the best though.

And last but definitely not least, Rodeo plugged her all-natural BBQ sauce. Except she did such a shitty job at it!

What the hell does that bottle say? We want to buy it and grab our kids L.A.-style and play under a rainbow of never-ending love. Rock!

'Rock Of Love': Heather Was Robbed

Tracie — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 18:00:00 EDT

We feel kinda bad for Heather. Well, as bad as we can feel for anyone who signs up to be on a reality dating show, falls in love with a man who ties his wig on with a bandanna, and then tattoos his name on the back of her neck after only knowing him for a few weeks. But really, it sucks enough to get dumped, so imagine how much it sucks to be dumped by said baldie on national television. And on top of all of that, Heather was made to look even more foolish and pathetic via false editing. Well, the good news is at least now she doesn't have to date Bret Michaels.

Heather From 'Rock Of Love' Takes Issue With Season Finale

Tracie — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 12:30:00 EDT

Hell hath no fury like a stripper scorned. Rock of Love runner-up Heather has written on her Myspace blog about how last night's finale did not rock her world, and that there was blatant manipulation in editing throughout the episode, particularly during the elimination. Bret was shown asking Jes and Heather if they'd be willing to both be his girlfriends and share him, with Heather replying, "I would love to," and Jes saying no. But on her blog, Heather says that's not the way it really went down (misspellings hers):

I ABSOLUTELY, 100% DID NOT SAY I WOULD SHARE HIM. WE BOTH SAID NO... THAT WAS EDITED AND I AM SOOOO APPALLED BY THAT—AS IF THE STIPPER THING WASNT ENOUGH, (WHICH I QUIT DOING MONTHS AGO)—OR PRETTY MUCH NEVER SHOWING ONE BAD THING ABOUT JESS, I GOT RAN THROUGH THE COALS.

But wait, there's more!

Bret kept threatening to go into diabetic shock on last night's episode, and felt that Heather wasn't sympathetic enough, which he said was what helped him make his final decision. However, Heather said it wasn't like that at all:

IT JUST BREAKS MY HEART THAT THE EDITING MAKES ME LOOK SO INSENSITVE. ON OUR DATE IN CABO WHEN HE SAID HE WASNT FEELING WELL WE STOPPED AND I WENT AND GOT HIM SOME WATER...IT WAS HIM WHO WANTED TO KEEP RIDING TO GET ALL DIFFERENT CAMERA ANGLES. I WAS FULL OF SAND AND WOULD HAVE LOVED TO JUST CHILL ON THE BEACH IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Also, like many women who've been unfairly dumped, Heather is pissed about the money she spent on Bret. [Jesus, does she have to write in all-caps? -Ed.]

U GUYS DID NOT SEE WHEN I WOULD MAKE HIM BREAKFAST IN BED OR WHEN I BOUGHT HIM BALLONS AND ROSES ON HIS BDAY.. I WENT SHOPPING FOR HIM AND HIS KIDS IN CABO AND ACTUALLY SPENT OVER 1000 THROUGHOUT THAT MONTH.

Strangely, she doesn't express regret about that tattoo of his name she got on her neck.

The Truth About the Final Episode [Myspace]

Live Blogging 'Rock Of Love': Who Will Rock Bret's World?

Tracie — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 20:49:59 EDT

We're equally thrilled and sad that the finale of Rock of Love airs tonight. We wish that we could watch these girls on TV for the rest of our lives. (Actually, we might be able to, so long as VH1 keeps making awesome spin-offs. Please, please, please do an ROL Charm School!) So whose tour will end tonight, and who will continue to rock Bret's world: Heather the Hungry, Hungry Strippo or "Clavical" [sic] Jes? It will be really shitty of Bret to not pick Heather since she got his name tattooed on her neck. Plus, we just really like her. She coined the terms "tatters" and "yum-ola" after all. So kick up your feet, get comfortable, take off your bras—we're live blogging this shit.

10:00 "Now I have an asshole loser's name on my neck." It's funny 'cause it's true. Dear VH1, please give Heather her own show. Working title: Stripper of Love.

9:57 Oh! Poor Heather! She's gonna have to find another guy named Bret to go out with.

9:51 I want to know why they didn't explain the girls' matching guitar necklaces.

9:48 Jes's dress was worn by a birthday girl on an episode of My Super Sweet Sixteen.

9:47 I literally just screamed out loud when I saw Heather's hair. I looooooove her stripper gown. She's the best, for real. "How can Bret look at me and not choose me?"

9:46 I'm predicting Jes for the win right now.

9:45 I love this contemplation shot of Bret.

9:41 OK, I think I might go back and start a "dye-uh-bee-diss" count.

9:38 This server is taking so frigging long to update! Argh. BTW, some commercial-break info, I'm sitting here with College Callgirl and we made a Dorito buffet. We have Fiery Haberno, Blazin' Buffalo Ranch (my fave), and Collisions: Chipotle Ranch and Zesty Taco all lined up in bowls. It's the most appropriate food for this occasion.

9:35 Jes's date is way better than Heather's. But Bret's braids on this date are worse.

9:32 "All I smell is rotten pussy." OK, now I really relate to Heather.

9:31 Heather's walk of shame is WONDERFUL. Look at her hair! I'm really beginning to relate to her.

9:30 I wanted to hear more moaning coming from Bret's room. Like when Flav was in the room with New York and she kept saying "That shit is proppa. That shit is proppa!"

9:26 Bret just used the term "yayas" to describe boobs. Remember Yaya from Top Model? OMG! He keeps saying it! Also, the term is "tatters." Also, ew, tiny braids.

9:22 I'm so sick of people ragging on Heather for being a stripper as the reason that she's not right for Bret. That pisses me off.

9:20 Heather just described her Atlantic City hooker outfit as a "cute little sundress." Hahahahaha!

9:18 What a fucking baby. He hasn't told Heather that he doesn't feel well, but is pissed that she's not paying enough attention to notice.

9:17 OMG! He says "diabetes" just like Wilford Brimley. Dye-uh-bee-diss.

9:16 Seriously Bret likes to take the girls on the most dude-ish dates. Off road vehicles? No thank you.

9:10 Also love Bret's technique for cutting the tension, "You guys should eat some food 'cause it's really good."

9:08 I love that Bret has brought up Heather's lezzie tendencies as being an issue, only because he felt she wasn't paying attention to him.

9:04 The group is so excite that they can't stop going "Woooo!" Pervy brother Jonno says that their should be a "woo" count for this episode. He's up to 18 right now.

Tiffany, our favorite drunken Rock of Love ...

Tracie — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 17:45:00 EDT

Tiffany, our favorite drunken Rock of Love contestant, makes a cameo appearance in R. Kelly's video for "Rock Star." It's not too surprising since they're both from Chi-Town... wait, actually, it's a little bit surprising. Anyway, we're sure he did not threaten her with a good time, since he likes them about 30 years younger. [VH1 Blog]

'Rock Of Love': When A Stripper And A Porn Star Kiss

Tracie — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 16:30:00 EDT

Our only beef with last night's Rock of Love — an episode comprised totally of heretofore unseen footage from throughout the season — was that it was only 30 minutes long. We could watch these girls run around naked, fight, kiss and makeup for hours upon hours. Also, we wished there was more Tiffany to threaten us with a good time. That said, don't you just love that still of Heather and Brandi C. embracing, with a stripper pole between them? Also, what'd you think of Bret's new wig in those interview shots? Friendly reminder: We will be live blogging the finale on Sunday. So excited!

'Rock Of Love' -- Memo To Lacey's Dad: Your Daughter's A Slut

Tracie — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 14:30:00 EDT

Last night's episode of Rock of Love was so educational. We've known for most of the season that Lacey is a crazy bitch, but we didn't learn until last night's episode that she's also a rich bitch. Her father informed us that she lives off of "investments" (translation: trust fund). We found it incredibly shitty that Lacey would be so judgmental about Heather's line of work (stripping) when she doesn't even have a fucking job. Then we were informed — via the big blow-up between the two girls — that Heather has seen Lacey suck Bret's cock. What the hell was she doing watching? Oh, and we also learned that Heather has begun referring to her breasts as "tatters." [? -Ed.] We're totally gonna be live blogging the finale, btw.

'Rock Of Love': What Happens In Vegas Makes You Look Bad On Reality TV

Tracie — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:00:00 EDT

Last night's episode of Rock of Love was the best one yet. For real, it was just about perfect . The girls were so absolutely psyched to go to Vegas to see Bret's "solo band" play, even though two of the girls—Heather and Brandi—are actually from Vegas (they're both exotic dancers, BTW). In Vegas, the girls saw the Bret Michaels Band perform and then Lacey and Brandi chugged hard liquor and got housed in about 15 minutes. Lacey started in with Brandi and Brandi responded by farting on her. How fucking much do you love this girl? Then they sat down for a fancy seafood meal with Bret, during which both Lacey and Brandi both vomit, all while Heather, the hungry, hungry strippo, sucks back like 20 oysters.

'Rock Of Love': Heather Gets Inked

Tracie — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 11:00:00 EDT

Guess what? Watching women get tattooed arouses Bret Michaels! Last night on Rock of Love, Heather—the 32-year-old stripper—got "Bret" tattooed on the back of her neck and, needless to say, it gave him a boner. We can now add this to his list of turn-ons that include, but are not limited to: Sword collecting, getting wasted, women with deep voices, women who put up walls, women who wear their hearts on their sleeves, motocross, tears, heels, flats, jeans, skirts, jean skirts, women with fake tits, women with real tits, etc. Basically, for Bret, women are sorta like green eggs and ham: He would like them in a plane, he'd even like them on a train.

'Rock of Love' Girls Talk About Sex, Sausage

Tracie — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 17:00:00 EDT

Nerve has sex-themed Q&A with some of the Rock of Love babes (Heather, Lacey, Rodeo and Brandi C.). We're sure you'll be happy to know that Rodeo's response to "What's going on in your life?" was this:

I have a lot of things happening with my sausage.

She also reminds us that she's "not a whore" and then says:

Why waste a penis? They're too damn pretty. I love them. It's a beautiful part of a man.

You'll never guess the craziest place 32-year-old stripper Heather has had sex: A tanning bed! She claims that she's been offered $20,000 to $30,000 for sex but turned it down, but that she'd do it for a million. She said that she doesn't want to feel like a prostitute. However, we think if we got close enough to touch her, we'd find out that she does feel just like a prostitute. Heather also said some awesome shit about the other girls. On Erin:

Her boobs are so annoying. That's why I named her Circus Tits.

On our girl Brandi M.:

Brandi always bragged about her blowjobs to keep herself around.

Brandi C. gave some insightful advice about how long one should wait before returning a dude's text:

Twenty minutes at least.

Oh, and her ultimate sex song is Kid Rock's cover of Bad Company's "Feel Like Makin' Love"

But ultimately, all we and Rodeo really care about is her signature health sausage.

It's all-natural. My barbecue sauce is all-natural, too. I've been working on trying to better people's health, making them feel good.

Sex Advice from Rock of Love Girls [Nerve]

'Rock of Love': Brandi M. Continues To Rock Bret's World (And Ours!)

Tracie — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 14:30:00 EDT

With last night's episode, Rock of Love totally turned into America's Next Top Model, and we love it even more because of that. First of all, the girls had to do a photo shoot and then have judges critique them on the result. The girls were actually in charge of their own art direction and concept, and you know what happens when you put models on the spot with such a weighty task: Hilarity! Secondly, contestant Lacey brought out the ANTM perennial fave: "I'm not here to make friends with you." (Which was a slight change-up from Ebony's original: "This is not America's Next Top Best Friend." Third, did anyone notice that the Rock of Love house is the same house from ANTM Cycle 5 (the season with lesbian Kim, awesome Lisa, and boring Nicole)? True story. Thanks to Top Model expert Rich for cluing us in to that one. Anyway, in the clip above, watch as Brandi M. wins us over again, with her impersonation of a dude and her confrontation with Lacey. (BTW, any guesses as to what Brandi did with her mouth that gets blurred out?)

'Rock of Love': Brandi M. Is Leading The Pack

Tracie — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 16:30:00 EDT

As last night's episode of Rock Of Love made clear, Poison frontman and lonely bachelor Bret Michaels wants the biggest tomboy he can possibly find. So far, he's expressed interest in women who are equally into motocross, mud football, target shooting, giant beer-stein swigging, and now hockey. Which is why we think Brandi M. is a perfect match for him, considering she loves sports, can drink the rest of the girls under the table, and openly burps and farts. Also, we finally figured out why Bret has been referring to Brandi as "BB"—it's because the former porn actress and current exotic dancer was known as, uh, "Blow Job Brandi" back home. Without further ado, the splendor that is BB.

Related: VH1's "Rock Of Love" Porn Star? [Fleshbot, NSFW]

Bret Michaels Doesn't Want Vanilla Ice's Sloppy Seconds

Tracie — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 12:40:00 EDT

As we all know, Bret Michaels loves to rock, but on last night's Rock of Love, we found out that he also loves to gossip. He spent the better part of the episode talking trash, getting dirt on the girls in the house, and stirring up shit between them. The two girls he focused on were Heather (aka "the 32-year-old Stripper", who says she's slept with Vanilla Ice) and Erin (aka "Circus Tits"), both of whom he thinks are only on the show because he's famous. Good for Bret for figuring it out in time! These girls can't pull an oversized bandanna over his eyes!

Rock of Love [VH1]

'Rock Of Love' Rodeo's Wild Ride

Tracie — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 09:30:00 EDT

If you're a Rock of Love fan, you have to read this interview with recently booted-off contestant Rodeo. She begins crying immediately after the first question is asked, stopping only to laugh when she cracks herself up. We hear about her past tribulations, including paralysis, wheelchairs, cancer, and a stillborn baby. But more importantly, we learn about her business ventures: the forthcoming workout DVD Rodeo's Legs of Steel, her signature line of all-natural sausages "to benefit people's health" [Huh? -Ed.], and her line of bottled BBQ sauce. Also:

The parents are only letting the kids watch Rock of Love when I am on. I cannot believe when I go to the mall how much the kids and teenagers love me because of my hat.

There she is above, in said hat, being an inspiration to kids and teens everywhere. We bet you wanna be her MySpace friend.
The Celebreality Interview—Rodeo [VH1]

'Rock Of Love' Is Music To Our Ears

Tracie — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 13:00:00 EDT

The VH1 series Rock of Love continues to rock our core... it's that awesome. Bret Michaels is always reiterating his love for music and how important rock will be in whichever girl he eventually chooses to be his mate. ("Rock 'n' roll is an insatiable bitch goddess, but I love her. And I'm just looking for that one woman in my life to participate in that threesome.") This week on the show Bret had the contestants write songs for him and then perform them, which meant we got to witness the girls' creative 'processes' and their train wreck, karaoke-style performances. And the greatest thing is that most of the girls were so completely sincere in their efforts, particularly Brandi C. and Rodeo, which is why it was so tragic that we had to say goodbye to them later on in the show. Above, our tribute to them. We tip our wine coolers to their memory.

Rock Of Love [VH1]

It's A Rumble In The Jungle On 'Rock Of Love'

Tracie — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 16:10:26 EDT

If you haven't been watching VH1's Rock of Love you're missing out on the best trash TV has to offer. On last night's episode, an event took place that those of us who watch reality dating shows live for—a girl fight! Lemme break it down for you: The fight was instigated by a girl named Lacey who is a big supporter of PETA, fronts an industrial-metal band called Nocturne, wears a smile to convey every emotion, and scares the shit out of me. Lacey was egging on Dallas—the only black woman in the house—trying to get Dallas to hit her so she would be sent home, and Rodeo, a motherly, forty-something personal trainer, tried to intervene. You know how in Flavor of Love the women are given nicknames? Not here: They really are named Rodeo, Dallas and Lacey.

Meet Your New Favorite Reality Hos

Tracie — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 17:20:57 EDT

VH1 is serving up another celebrity dating show—Rock of Love. It's just like Flavor of Love, but instead of a contestant pool made up of trashy bitches just trying to get on TV, we're given a contestant pool of trashy bitches just trying to get on Poison front man Bret Michaels. They're like really into him, which makes this show so fucking good. But you don't have to wait for the Sunday night premiere—you can watch the whole first episode on the VSpot right now. Why bother working for these last few hours of the week? Instead, feast your eyes on a, ahem, mature woman named Rodeo; not one, but TWO chicks named Brandi; and Tiffany, a creature who is a cross between Jerri Blank and Geri Halliwell circa 1997 and whose catchphrase is "Don't threaten me with a good time." But if you can't take the time to watch the whole episode right now, watch this clip after the jump of a drunken Tiffany the first night in the house.

VH1.com Blog