Givhan is a fan of reality TV, but makes a distinction between "high-class" ones and the rest of them. But the line between them, she feels, is becoming blurred. And while I agree that some shows are better than most, I wouldn't exactly say they're "high class." They just have better concepts/casts/editors. Also, our opinions on what shows are "better" than others—and what makes them so—differs.

Frankly I think that shows like American Idol, Top Chef, and Project Runway—all of which Givhan champions—are the biggest offenders when it comes to being afflicted by hubris. These shows actually reference their own "integrity." The fact that they believe that they have any is laughable. I mean, modest success aside, has any winner from Project Runway ever gone on to have their clothes on the cover of Vogue? Has any American Idol winner actually ever achieved idol status in a Madonna/Britney/Mariah sense? Has any Top Chef winner ever been the top chef in America? Let me put it to you this way: In 50 years, will we see anything of these people in the Smithsonian that doesn't involve a display of their respective shows? The titles that they win are about as authentic as the hair dangling from beneath Bret Michaels' bandanna.

That said, I like that Givhan is an unabashed reality TV fan, because I hate when people get all uppity about the genre, particularly when it comes to shows like Rock of Love or Bad Girls Club. Remarks about how such shows are an indication of our society's decline, or "How can anyone watch this crap?" confuse me, because you'd think people who believe they are above that kind of programming would at least be grateful that it exists, as it provides solid evidence in proving their superiority. People can't pretend that they don't like seeing other people act like idiots. Schadenfreude is more real than reality TV itself.

Besides, not only is it id on TV, it's id on our couches, which is probably the healthiest, most cathartic way to deal with our pleasure principle. It provides a forum in which we can laugh at others' misfortune and embarrassment, and be jerks in the privacy of our own homes, without having to be assholes for real.

If anything, I love shows like RoL and Toddlers & Tiaras, as it provides a peek into human behavior I don't encounter in my everyday life. And while Givhan doesn't want to see "paternity testing, toothless protagonists and scenes during which more than 50 percent of the dialogue has to be censored," I live for that shit, because it shows a side of humanity that might not be pleasant, but certainly exists. When it comes to reality, I like it — genital warts and all.

A Wrong Turn On TV's Escape Route [Washington Post]
Earlier: 20 Best Reality TV Show Moments Of 2008

You may remember Tamara from the first season of Rock of Love. (She was the contestant who stood out to Bret because she wasn't "all there." She also walked out the wrong door when she was eliminated.) I also ran into her (scroll down) at the AVN Awards, the Oscars of porno, last year. I was unable to ask her why she there because she was so wasted that she couldn't really walk. There was no explanation as to why she was there, but on I Love Money 2, she was screaming about the fact that she is so above everyone else because she's been in 50 magazines. So maybe they were porn mags? Whatever the case, she definitely seemed to be out of it.

Earlier: The AVN Convention & Awards: I Came, I Saw, & I Came Some More

Last April, Bret said that his hair is "combined of my [natural] hair and the finest extensions Europe has to offer. I do the show without [the bandanna] on all the time and they won't film me. They are like, 'Put your bandanna back on. It is your image.' It is my signature thing."

We did some investigating, and that shit doesn't look like extensions, but a straight-up wig — one that seems to be getting fuller, longer, and waxier as time goes by. Let's take a look at two decades worth of Bret's hair.

We know what he used to look like back in the day, when all he needed was some hairspray and a pick to get such volume.









But there has been a clear evolution in wig thickness just over the course of the three seasons of Rock of Love.
Season 1



Season 2



Season 3



It's now flowing.






This is probably the closest thing to his real hair, circa 2001.



And circa 2004.



These extensions from 2005 are very realistic.



But he quickly moved onto this look.



Which somehow turned into Fergie-with-a-goatee.



He has attempted to go sans bandanna a few times over the years, but the results are decidedly unfavorable.












This is our guess at what the true texture and thickness of his natural hair would be.

Brandi M. took home the grand prize on last night's finale of Charm School, because the judges considered her to be the most changed for the better. (She went from being a gaseous stripper/porn star to a girl who could make speeches without note cards.) Runner up Destiney was awarded an internship at one Daniella Clarke's—one of the judges—stupid clothing line. For their final challenge, the final three contestants were supposed to help the homeless. It was fitting that they were assigned these three appropriately-dressed former contestants (Heather, Megan, and Brandi C.) to help them earn money on Hollywood Blvd.

Somehow, Megan looked more naked in this dress than she does in her string bikinis.

As for all the B.S. about how the Charm School judges helping the girls be more ladylike, don't worry, because if learning by example is any indication, these women won't be ruined from reality TV forever. At the reunion taping, Sharon Osbourne beat the crap out of Megan, who later went to the hospital.

20.) Bobby Brown Farts On Carnie Wilson, Pees On Dee Snider
Bobby Brown took a half-hearted stab at earning a pay check and having a country music career via the reality show Gone Country, in which he lived with other out-of-work celebs down South and competed for a record contract. In this clip, he gets drunk, eats ribs, farts and pees.

19.) Teen Bathes, Then Bonds With Senior Citizen
Baby Borrowers was a social experiment in the form of a reality show that was supposed to teach teenagers how hard it is to raise a family and run a household. For some reason, one of the episodes called for the teens to care for senior citizens, maybe to scare them off of the burden of dealing with elderly parents later on down the road. In this clip, a teen has to bathe her senior ward, and then they have a touching conversation about the generational differences of filing nails square or rounded.

18.) Meet The Two Most Effective Forms Of Birth Control
Some episodes of Supernanny are scarier than horror movies. In this clip, two little terrors defiantly pick their noses and wipe the boogers on a wall, physically abuse their mother and say terrifying things like, "I have a dick and a weenie in my weenie," and "I'm gonna fuck you in your privates one day!"

17.) Vagina Insults Are The New "Ya Momma"
MTV's That's Amore — the spin-off of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila — featured women who incessantly talked about other women's vaginas.

16.) American Idol Contestant Who Looks Like Willem Dafoe With Face Glitter
Alexis Cohen was one of those "bad" auditions featured during the open-call leg of American Idol. They're always easy targets, but her working knowledge of the English language and her literal glittery attempt at polishing a turd made her the best of the worst.

15.) Stage Mom Has Violent, Psychotic Outburst
Rocky, stage mother to Haley, from VH1's I Know My Kid's a star first won our hearts when she asked her daughter if her tampon string was visibly hanging below her miniskirt. This freak out sealed the deal.

14.) Woman With A Half Wig Cries About It
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted attention and confusion over her hair — an obvious wig that did not match the color of the natural bangs in the front. Her attempt at clearing the matter up (she had cancer!) only confused everyone more (wait, she only thought she had cancer!).

13.) Pussylicious
The reality show in which women compete for a spot (that's actually never given to them) in the the Pussycat Dolls lineup was called Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, which obviously needed to be shortened to "pussylicious." Especially after one girl's introduction included her saying, "I'm Cassandra. I'm from Aurora, Illinois, I live in Chicago now, and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo-ha." Later, another girl gets injured and is forced to dance in her wheelchair.

12.) Women Past Their Prime Audition For Modeling Competition
She's Got the Look was supposed to be America's Next Top Model for the over-35 set. In this clip its obvious that there were reasons beyond their age that have kept these women from working the runway.

11.) Corey Haim Doesn't Understand Why Everyone He Knows Wants Him To Go To Rehab
It's always ridiculous/sad when addicts who can't fully open their eyes or articulate words think that they are fooling everyone. It's double ridiculous when it's someone like Corey Haim who has had a long public history of drug addiction.

10.) Is This Lady's Husband Gay?
Alex and her husband Simon were the breakout stars of Real Housewives of New York. They were attached at the hip, obsessed with teaching their uncooperative children French, and dropped $20k on opera tickets even though their Brooklyn brownstone was literally falling apart. But the question on everyone's mind was whether or not Speedo-wearing Simon is gay or just simply European.

9.) Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies
This scene from Charm School: Rock of Love was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on season one.

8.) Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude, While Another Girl Mistakes Couch For Toilet
Scratch that! This is the was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior, brought to us by those classy roommates of Bad Girls Club.

7.) Flavor Flav Draws The Line At Herpes
As though he doesn't have the virus himself.

6.) The Matchmaker & The Mafia
Intervention is supposed to be a poignant, serious show about addiction, however, some of the characters — like this Italian woman who comes from a family who is part of "The Family" — make us smile.

5.) Denise Richards Calls A Celebrity Journalist A Cunt
As much as Denise Richards: It's Complicated sucked, it was fun to see the real reason behind why the tabloids are so hard on her.

4.) Brooke Hogan Is A Sexist Moron
The irony of her show being titled Brooke Knows Best escaped no one. In this clip, she reveals that her thoughts on politics, and how women's menstrual cycles makes them unfit to serve as President.

3.) America's Next Top Model Is A Menstrual Show
Per Tyra Banks' advice, women should bend over and wince in pain, as though they have menstrual cramps, in order to look "editorial."

2.) Terrifying Texas Mom Shows "Pansy" Husband Who's Boss
Wife Swap is a reliable source when looking to investigate the weirdos of America.

1.) Bikini Corie
The best elimination speech in competition-based reality TV programming ever, courtesy of Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

Having to face a night at a bar dressed as unattractive women, the girls pre-gamed quite a bit before even leaving the house. There was some crying mixed in with flashing, mooning, ass spanking, and screaming — and this is all before they got to the bar and started doing tequila shots. Brandi C. ended up having a serious case of Duff Goggles and made out with some guy. We already knew what happened when the girls got home from the bar, and seeing this unaired footage totally explains how they got so shitcanned. In related news, the Charm School reunion was taped in L.A. this weekend and apparently things got intense. Insults were hurled, and Sharon Osbourne physically attacked Megan (the one who only wears bikinis), and, after going to the hospital, she pressed charges against Sharon. Nice going, teaching these wild women how to be "ladies", Shaz.

"Charm School" Chick: Sharon O. Attacked Me [TMZ]
Earlier: Charm School: Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies

Heather Steps Out [VH1]