Jezebel: rock of love 2

Pop-culture aficionado Rich Juzwiak, whom...

Tracie — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 18:40:00 EDT

Pop-culture aficionado Rich Juzwiak, whom readers may know from his appearances in Pot Psychology, went to the live taping of the Rock of Love 2 reunion and came back with lots of stories, but we particularly liked the one about Kristy Joe, the woman who went on the show and cried about her husband the whole time she was supposed to be rocking Bret's world: "And then there's Kristy Joe, who introduced herself to me by saying, 'I don't like you'...Catherine came into the room, and I heard Kristy Joe mutter to her that she just ripped me a new a**hole. Clearly, our definitions differ entirely on what that entails." [VH1]

Rock Of Love 2 Reunion: "Kiss My Perfect Barbee Ass"

Tracie — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The worst thing about Rock of Love 2 being over (and Bret's supposed "real" relationship with Ambre) is that there was no set up for a Rock of Love 3. But the best thing about the reunion show, clearly, was Angelique, the French stripper and porn star who won our hearts, even if she didn't win Bret's. Her dress was...interesting, but once she pulled it up to moon Aubrey, all was forgiven. Please, VH1, break up Bret and Ambre so we can get another group of strippers and porn stars to fall in love with? Please!? Clip above.

Rock Of 2 Reunion Sneak Peek: Heather Pulls Out Daisy's Weave

Tracie — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 16:30:00 EDT

Some footage of the Rock of Love 2 reunion has leaked (via Riki Rachtman's YouTube account), and it shows a little bit more of the big fist fight between Heather (the runner-up from season one) and Daisy (the runner-up from season two). It looks really rough. Heather is one bitch not to be fucked with. She pounds really hard on Daisy's head and then pulls the shit out of her weave. No security guards bothered to break it up (not even Big John!) and Bret and host Riki were left to pry the girls away from each other. Clip above.

Earlier: The Rock Of Love 2 Finale: Who Will Touch Bret's Backstage Pass?

The Rock Of Love 2 Finale: Who Will Touch Bret's Backstage Pass?

Tracie — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 21:00:00 EDT

So tonight is the season finale of Rock of Love 2. Jeez, time flies when you're watching strippers and out-of-work actresses battle it out for the attention of a man with more weave tracks and under-eye concealer than them. After all these weeks, it's come down to two women: The blonde with fake tits and the blonde with real tits. Who will it be!?!?!? Let's watch and find out. (BTW, Ambre totally has this one in the bag.)

10:30 It's taking forever for this shit to load: http://www.ambrelake.com/

10:28 So how long do you think this fake relationship with Ambre will last? I bet they aren't even together at the reunion next week. Fuck, they better not be. I want a third season!

10:26 Desperation and fear is not a good look on Ambre. her whole face is sweaty and shaking.

10:21 The fact that Bret constantly refers to "rock of love" as though it's an actual phrase that people use never ceases to entertain me.

10:19 Has anyone else seen The Ruins? (Great movie, btw.) Bret looks like he just walked out of the tomb where the poison plant lives. Wait...poison! Ha!

10:12 In these reflective shots on the beach, Bret looks like my school bus driver from when I was in grade school. She was a woman. Sort of.

10:10 It's weird when Bret and everyone talk about his "lifestyle." What kind of crazy lifestyle could he possibly have, considering his diabeedus?

10:00 I saw an ad for Maid of Honor on the side of a bus a few weeks ago, and I joked that it was probably the same plot as My Best Friend's Wedding but with gender reversal. Turns out it is! Also, so that's what Dwayne Wayne's been up to. Huh!

9:55 Ha! I really hope the girls realize that Bret has given them the same necklace.

9:52 Kudos to Bret for kissing Daisy after she puked. Although something about him leads me to believe that he doesn't do the same after a girl gives him a BJ.

9:46 Seriously, how many girls have puked while on a date with Bret?

9:41 It's kinda telling that Daisy isn't really good at the whole mean girl thing. She's too nice or something.

9:40 Side not: Ew! Did you see Hal Sparks in that magician commercial? Why is he doing that with his hair?

9:35 WHOA! Ambre is showing Bret her vagina! When do you think he'll show her his?

9:34 Does Ambre seriously think that Bret picked that charm necklace out for her himself? Or that it wasn't provided for free by a sponsor.

9:32 I don't understand why Ambre keeps saying that Daisy is being ugly. Wasn't Daisy just confronting Ambre for belittling her in front of Bret.

9:29 I truly wonder what Daisy was doing all day while Ambre was on her date with Bret. My best guess is trying on outfits.

9:21 Thanks AndYourLittleDogToo. I was totally spelling Ambre's name wrong. Well, actually, I was spelling it correctly. She's the one that's spelling it wrong.

9:17 Hahahaha. I love how Ambre is saying that she feels so sexy, meanwhile she has last night's eyeliner on, her legs are cut up, and her rosacea is showing around her mouth.

9:10 I'm not into Ambre. I don't like how she tries to cut Daisy down. Also, she's such a fake-y actress wannabe. But at the same time, this is a fake-y dating show, so I guess that's fitting.

9:04 Bret seems to love bringing the girls to real spring break type places, like Cancun and Cabo. It's wonderfully inappropriate because he and Ambre could have children old enough to be on spring break, and I'm fairly certain that Daisy hasn't gone to college.

9:00 Oh, and I totally forgot that Ambre wasn't even supposed to stay after the first episode. That Jersey-type brunette left and Ambre got to stay in her place.

Live Bloggin'

Tracie — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 17:30:00 EDT

Join us tonight at 9 pm Eastern for our liveblog of the Miss USA pageant. Then on Sunday, at 9 pm Eastern, we're gonna live blog the Rock of Love 2 finale. Who will Bret chose to continue to rock his world!? Only time will tell.

Rock Of Love 2: Bret Removes His Bandanna

Tracie — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 14:00:00 EDT

On last night's episode of Rock of Love 2, the parents of the three remaining girls came to visit, and Amber's dad nearly fucked up the whole competition for her when he told Bret her real age. (She's 37, not 32.) She insisted that she was so used to telling people her stage age, she didn't realize that she'd lied to Bret. But honestly, how could Bret even be pissed at her? Hiding one's age in show business isn't really any more deceitful than say, hiding one's bald spot with a wig tied on with a bandanna. Ooh, speaking of...Bret took off his bandanna this week! Pictures of his weave after the jump.

Seriously, how long do you think he spent in hair and makeup before this was shot?

Rock Of Love 2: Being In Debt From Your Boob Job Can Make It Difficult To Rock Bret's World

Tracie — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 18:00:00 EDT

With her tattoos and bountiful breasts, Daisy has been a front runner since the beginning of the season of Rock of Love 2. But the price she paid for those breasts may end up costing her in the end and keep her from winning Bret's heart. As Amber pointed out on last night's episode, it makes no sense that Daisy is still living with and supporting her ex-BF when she's also in debt from her implants, lip injections, and hair extensions. None of it mattered to Bret though, since he let Daisy, and her ample chest, remain for another week. Clip above.

Rock Of Love 2: Heather Makes A Triumphant Return

Tracie — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:00:00 EDT

Heather, the stripper with a heart of gold who came in second place on the first season of Rock of Love, returned on last night's episode to stir up some shit and do some recon for Bret. She instantly improved the atmosphere, and heightened our amusement levels by getting the girls to do body shots, hang out in bikinis and underwear, do cartwheels naked, and get completely hammered. Jessica proved to be the lightweight of the current pack of contestants, alternating between drunkenly crying and puking. Clip above.

Remember Angelique (aka Frenchie) from Rock...

Tracie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 18:40:00 EDT

Remember Angelique (aka Frenchie) from Rock of Love 2? Of course you do! How could you possibly forget someone who makes chocolate mousse that she licks off her own tits? Lucky for us, Angelique has shared her special French recipe for her special French chocolate mousse. [VH1]

When You Talk To Bret Michaels, He'll Stare Deeply Into Your Décolletage

Tracie — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 11:00:00 EDT

The major difference between Flavor of Love and Rock of Love is that Bret Michaels is way more likable than Flav, if only because he's just as invested in the drama and gossip as the girls trying to rock his world. But he's also proven himself to be a creative problem-solver! When on a double date with Megan and Kristy Jo, he wasn't sure how he was going to deal with the tension he's had with Kristy Jo, so he decided the best thing to do was to "suck face" with Megan while she was straddling him. And it seemed to work! Bret's also a really honest guy. When Megan came up for air to talk about some relationship stuff with him, she asked Bret why he wasn't looking her in the face and he said, "I'm looking at your tits."

Rock Of Love 2: The Girls Perform Their Patriotic Duty, Strip For 70-Year-Old Vets

Slut Machine — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 16:00:00 EST

What was shocking on last night's episode of Rock of Love 2 wasn't that two of the girls found it appropriate to perform a risqué striptease to a group of senior citizen war veterans, but that they were really bad at it. I mean, this is Rock of Love. I thought that stripping experience was a prerequisite when attempting to rock Bret's world! Worse (or perhaps, better still), was Daisy's rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner," to which she forgot the words, despite the fact that she was holding the lyrics in front of her face. Clip above.

Rock Of Love 2: Bret Michaels Sleeps With His Bandanna/Wig On

Slut Machine — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 19:00:00 EST

Catherine, one of the more "mature" contestants on Rock of Love 2, hadn't won a date with Bret during the entire competition thus far, so in a last ditch effort to stay in the game on last night's episode, she surprised him with breakfast in bed. Judging by his eyes, and his facial puffiness in general, it seems as though he really was out cold when Catherine brought him his coffee and eggs. Interestingly, he sleeps with his hairpiece and bandanna. Does he shower with them on too?

Rock Of Love 2: Strangely, Bret Michaels Thinks Mooning Is No Fun

Slut Machine — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 18:00:00 EST

Last night's Rock of Love 2 was extra enjoyable because we're beginning to get a sense of just how annoyed Bret gets with the girls. (And seriously, his patience has probably really been tested.) In the clip above, watch him get irritated with Daisy on their solo date (dinner in a lingerie store) when she asks him if he likes to read or watch TV or go to see movies. She's a great conversationalist.

Rock Of Love 2: Aubrey Gets Up And Goes

Slut Machine — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:40:00 EST

On last night's episode of Rock of Love 2, Kristy Jo, who seems like an emotional basket case, decided that she might be falling in love with Bret, and that maybe that's not so good for her right now, considering that she's still legally married to her second husband. But when it came down to elimination, Aubrey — the girl whom Bret wouldn't kiss — took matters into her own hands when it became apparent that either she or Kristy Jo would be ending their tour that evening. Just as Bret was about to bestow the final pass onto the girl he chose, Aubrey cut him off and made a big dramatic show about how she was sacrificing herself for her friend Kristy Jo, so that she may continue to be in the running towards becoming Bret's next rock of love. Turns out, though, that Bret was gonna choose Kristy Jo all along, so all that crying was for nothing. (Besides our entertainment, of course.) Clip above.

Rock Of Love 2's Angelique: "Bret, When You See My Porno Video, You Will Regret It Forever"

Slut Machine — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:40:00 EST

Angelique Morgan, the French woman who was most eager to strip down to her birthday suit for Bret Michaels on Rock of Love 2, is in NYC for Fashion Week and yesterday, she agreed to sit down and answer a few questions about her recent departure from the show, her career as an adult film actress, and just what's a goin' on with Bret's hair. The entire experience was kinda surreal, but Angelique was super nice, fun and not in the least bit shy. Seriously, I loved her. Clip, by videographer Alex Goldberg, above.

Bret Michaels: "Animal, Vegetable, It Kinda Turns Me On"

Slut Machine — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:20:00 EST

video.vh1.com
Just about everyone and everything turns on Bret Michaels. A woman with big breasts? Turn-on. A woman with small breasts? Same thing. If a woman is shy, it turns him on, if a woman is throwing herself at him, it turns him on, and even if a woman is throwing up, it turns him on. It's become a running joke, so the folks at VH1 decided to have some fun with it, and had Bret play a game of "Animal, Vegetable, It Kinda Turns Me On," during which Bret is presented with options (Hillary Clinton, a kumquat, a four-way stop sign) and has to decide whether it's an animal, a vegetable or a turn-on. Watch it all the way to the end to see Bret's mini breakdown. He continues to rock our world.

Bret Michaels Plays Our Game [VH1]

Rock Of Love: Angelique Is One Less Frog Bret Will Have To Kiss

Slut Machine — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 11:00:00 EST

After getting completely naked for Bret pretty much every time she was in his presence, French stripper Angelique's tour of duty came to a close on last night's episode of Rock of Love. The G-string that broke the camel's back was the one Angelique flung off during what was supposed to be a burlesque dance at Forty Deuce, a club that does not allow nudity. Clip above, and after the jump, we bear witness to what went down in some special screen shots.

Note: To those who complain about "spoilers": At this point, elimination-based reality shows are event television (for us anyway), so we will be talking about who gets sent home, sometimes even in the title of the post. Also, something isn't a spoiler if the show has already aired. And in the case of VH1, and the channel's insane rerun schedule, this episode has aired like seven times already.

Rock Of Love 2: The Girls Display Their "Talents"

Slut Machine — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 14:20:00 EST

For the first challenge of the competition to win Bret's heart on Sunday, the girls were to put on a talent show...in a peep show booth. Of course, they didn't know the peep show booth was an element in the challenge, but somehow, more than half of them had the foresight to prepare a striptease as a performance. "Frenchy" Angelique is clearly the breakout star of the show; making Bret a "diet chocolate" dessert — mindful of his diabeedus — and then smearing pudding on her nipples and then licking it off, it was a little surprising that she didn't win the date with Bret. But as long as she stays on for a bit longer, we're still happy. Clip above. Oh, and in case you care, here's evidence of Angelique's porn career. NSFW, yo.

Rock Of Love 2: New Season, New Strippers, New Wig For Bret

Slut Machine — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 19:00:00 EST

I don't know if it's because of where and how I've spent the last five days, but the contestants on last night's premiere of Rock of Love 2 didn't seem as outrageous, trashy, or slutty as I expected. But don't get me wrong, I'm still excited about this new season, and I'm sure I'll warm up to the girls very soon. So far, I've particularly taken a shine to Angelique, who is sort of a combination of Alexis Arquette and Tori Spelling. (And to think that she's had like six or seven elective surgeries to get to that point!) She's wonderful though, in all of her busted-ness — particularly her weave, which looks like the white girls' on ANTM like six weeks into the competition after it gets all unbalanced and starts growing out. Oh and good Lord, speaking of hair: The girls may not be over the top this season, but Bret's wig is!

Rock Of Love 2 Sneak Peek Threatens Us With A Good Time

Slut Machine — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 18:30:00 EST

A four-minute, extended preview for Rock of Love 2 has been airing on VH1 this week (during the week-long marathon of every cycle of ANTM, which was a hangover helper on January 1). First of all, how gorgeous is Bret's new wig? Secondly, the girls vying for Bret's love (or temporary attention?) this time around seem like they'll be just as awesome, if not more so, than last season's ragtag group of strippers, hairdressers, and nurses. For instance, there's a girl who's so nervous she's gonna shit in her pants, another girl who learns things about the world on MySpace, and some kind of foreign girl that wants to fuck Bret in the pool ASAP. But better yet, some of last season's girls come back to visit, like Lacey (ugh!), Heather (tatters!) and best of all, our favorite health sausage saleswoman Rodeo. (We get another chance to bask under her rainbow of never ending love!) The new season starts on January 13. That's only 10 days away! So friggin' excited.