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Kerstin Fritzl, whom the press is calling "Cellar Girl", has woken from her medically induced coma. The 19-year-old was unconscious and critically ill when she was admitted to the hospital in April — having spent her whole life in the basement of her grandfather/father, Josef Fritzl. According to the Daily Mail,…

Simon Cowell Turns Agony Aunt

It's interesting to think what Simon Cowell would have made of Britney Spears, if instead of her being a child-star/teen pop sensation/bloodied piece of roadkill, she'd emerged as an adult contestant on American Idol. We think she'd have made it to the final, but been booted off early on for having no soul. Much like…