Tuesday was Kris Jenner's birthday. Happy Birthday Kris Jenner! The Kardashian/Jenner Family matriarch apparently celebrated her birthday not by eating her young in an effort to stay youthful forever, but but consuming cupcakes decorated with her own floating head. She was also showered with love by her offspring, in…

The time has come, the walrus said, for Rihanna to put some grey streaks in her hair and call it #brrr. So she did. It looks cute, I think! Then she riffed on #brr for awhile:

Justin Bieber got a fucking realistic tattoo of his mom Patti Mallette's eye on the inside of his arm, so in case you were planning to have sex with him or something, you should probably be aware that that thing will be staring at you, and also, we can get you help!

So Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey had a totally low-key renewal of their wedding vows. Cannon and #dembaby Moroccan were dressed as Disney princes while Mimi and #fembaby Monroe were in princess garb. It was grillions of dollars, in Disneyland, they Vined the shit out of it, and invited Entertainment Tonight. Some…

It's 2013! And yet, this is a very 2012 story: the Internet is feeling all Olivia Benson-on-Law & Order: SVU this morning after piecing together with the help of "forensic evidence" that Rihanna and Chris Brown spent the night together on New Year's Eve. By "forensic evidence" I mean Instagram pictures of them…

The California Hamster Organization (Suggested alternate name: Hamsters, Motherfucker™) have accused Justin Bieber of animal cruelty after he gave his little buddy Pac away to a particularly enthused fan. Their objections are that hamsters "often succumb quickly to illness and death," especially when faced with…

Following last week's fascinating Twitter feud with comedy writer Jenny Johnson, Chris Brown suspended his feed—thus depriving the general public of up-to-the-minute updates on what's happening inside the brain of Brown. A NATIONAL TRAGEDY. But don't worry—tragedy averted. He's back.

Did you know that Rob Kardashian is passionate about socks? He's been talking a lot about launching his own luxury sock line, Arthur George, for over a year, using his sisters' various TV shows to promote the business that didn't even exist—until now! Retailing for $30 a pair, the socks are available exclusively at…

Rihanna and Not A Law Student After All Rob Kardashian spent a night in Burbank, California playing some go-karts (which Rihanna won, naturally) and then heading to a nightclub called Playhouse. Ri-Ri. Unspeakable gladness at the thought that you might be done with Chris Brown fills every cranny of the cockles of my…

Here are some spooky through-the-bushes pictures of Nat Port's wedding to Benjamin Human Centipede: Full Sequence, which was vegan and Jewish and French and on the Big Sur coast and sounds nice, although I'm not sure about that dress. They had macarons instead of cake, and guests (including Diane Sawyer, Mike Nichols,…

Last night on The Choice — the insipid dating show that's a cross between The Voice and the Second Circle of Hell — a potential date asked Rob Kardashian about his favorite movie. "Newsies," Rob said with certainty, licking his lips. "Why?" the lady questioned. "Christian Bale," Rob replied. Good point!

It seems that Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum really bonded during their conjugal work on 21 Jump Street — while filming in Miami, the newly-minted bros decided that their cop wardrobes were just too hot and constricting and so stripped down to go for a little moonlight swim. Everything was fine until Hill was attacked…

This week, Dancing With The Stars turned into Depressing With The Stars when the contestants were taked with identifying their "most memorable year" and then to act out all of the emotions associated with that year out on the dance floor. Surprise — almost every one of those "memorable" years led to a tearful…

Today in Tweet Beat, Roseanne has a very interesting platform for her potential political career. Plus, Eli Roth has a painful flashback of his deadly run in with a sea urchin.

Today in Tweet Beat, for some reason celebrities seem to find it completely amazing that today is 1/11/11.

After releasing the 2010 Kardashian-Jenner Christmas photo, Kim Kardashian got nostalgic and posted some old holiday pictures of her family. Let's visit with ghosts of Christmas past!

Today in Tweet Beat, Kathy Griffin's dog got into her trash, Steve Martin shows off his brain, and Hugh Hefner is thinking about how old he is.

In this week's compilation of pop culture crap, minivans for aging hipsters, pelican attacks, and how breast implants serve Christianity.

Today in Tweet Beat, Hef's twin girlfriends are "growing up" and moving on, Courtney Love is reaching out to Dr. Drew, Ice-T is pissed off about the late-night wars, and Wyclef is headed to Haiti.