Remember "Fashiongate" or whatever everyone was calling it? Good times. If so, you'll probably recall that when Palin was raked over the coals for spending (jointly withe the RNC) the price of a small house on duds during a global recession, her sheepish spokeswoman was moved to say, "It was always the intent that the clothing go to a charitable purpose after the campaign," and make clear that anything Palin didn't end up wearing would be returned.

Yet! Some sources, apparently lurking at RNC headquarters in D.C., have spied the bags of clothing sitting around collecting dust. RNC types will only say that the glad rags have been duly inventories and are "in the process" of being donated. While this hardly qualifies as a major scandal, if it turns out they're not making good on their promise it could prove embarrassing to the big spenders whose money helped finance the wardrobe, many of whom were already disposed to think of it as a rather frivolous allocation of resources. Guys: the SalvA does pickup!

Palin's "Donated" Clothes Stashed in Trash Bags at RNC [The New Majority]

In a rare interview with the Chicago Tribune yesterday, Palin asserted that she did not accept $150,000 worth of designer clothes from the Republican Party. "That is not who we are," she said. "That whole thing is just, bad! Oh, if people only knew how frugal we are. It's kind of painful to be criticized for something when all the facts are not out there and are not reported." Palin added that the clothes were bought for the Republican National Convention and that most of them haven't even left the plane.

So, wait? What "facts" is she talking about? Because she certainly has some pricey duds on, whatever's in the plane. The McCain campaign has released a statement claiming all clothes will be donated to charity, which pretty much seems to confirm that they did, in fact, buy them.

As Andrew Sullivan asks, "Is she saying they are not worth $150,000? Is she saying they were bought at a second-hand charity shop? Or that they were hers to begin with? Is she saying that these clothes were all bought before the convention and only worn then? Is she saying that they have actually remained on the airplane the entire time and we have been hallucinating her wearing them at every occasion? Is she saying that the RNC did not buy them, or that no campaign money was spent on them?"

Sullivan concludes it's the blathering of a congenital liar who can't deal with reality, but it almost seems like it might be a case of folks not getting their stories straight. From the get-go, fashion experts (yeah, I know) have stated that they didn't really see where all the money could have gone; the clothes we've seen are expensive, sure, but not that expensive. And here's where things get really murky: several of those stores where she was supposed to have spent the $150,000 deny having sold her anything. Not only did a Minnesota children's store deny having made a sale to Team Palin (which listed it as an expense)Quoth high-end men’s store Atelier New York, where the campaign allegedly spent five grand. presumably on the store's avant-garde fashion? After going through the store's receipts twice, the owner says, “We have no recollection of that sale and no idea what they are talking about.”

So, um, where did the money go then? And who's lying? Everybody? Just somebody? And why?

Well, if it did go to clothes, the issue may be a bigger one than just that of losing Main Street cred: Yesterday watchdog group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission against Palin and the RNC, claiming that the use of campaign funds for personal use — read: clothing for Palin and her family — violates the Federal Election Campaign Act.

Palin's response to all that? Apparently either a) flat-out lying, b) befuddlement c) madness. In any event, it's all because she's a woman and the sexist media's subjecting her to unfair scrutiny, just like her sister-in-arms Hillary Clinton, and she really doesn't want to talk about it so SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP!

"I think Hillary Clinton was held to a different standard in her primary race," Palin said. "Do you remember the conversations that took place about her, say superficial things that they don't talk about with men, her wardrobe and her hairstyles, all of that? That's a bit of that double standard...I'm not going to complain about it, I'm not going to whine about it, I'm going to plow through that, because we are embarking on something greater than that, than allowing that double standard to adversely affect us,"

Yeah, so says the fair-weather feminist — who, as we know, has had to deal with having thousands of dollars' worth of finery thrown upon her back by said sexist media. Had she failed to notice that her makeup artist is paid better than any of the campaign's policy advisors? That her campaign hasn't exactly shied away from promoting her attractions?

Palin's not wanting to address direct questions is hardly breaking news. But large sums of campaign donations unaccounted for? Stories not adding up? Inconsistent records? Kinda is. At best for the campaign, this is something ill-judged that's been made a lot worse by double-talk, prevarications and concealment, tangled-web style. At worst? Well, we don't know about the money, but "worst" has kind of already happened so far as Sarah Palin is concerned — any vestige of credibility, dignity and gravitas has pretty much gone up in a blaze of mysteriously-funded, only okay-looking designer threads. Never underestimate the power of clothes, people.

Palin Dismissed Wardrobe Extravagance Charge [Chicago Tribune]
The Odd Lies Of Sarah Palin XX: The Clothes, The Clothes [Andrew Sullivan]
Wardrobe Mysteries Linger [New York Times]
Palin's Wardrobe Expenses Prompt Complaint To FEC [McClatchyDC]
Palin Says Scrutiny Of Her $150,000 Wardrobe Is Sexist [Los Angeles Times]
Palin Away [VogueUK]
Palin stylist draws higher pay than policy adviser [AP]

• Only eight more weeks, people! At least we have hilarious helpers like Sarah Haskins and Samantha Bee to shepherd us through these difficult times.
• I don't know if you'd heard, it's kind of under the radar, but Bristol Palin is pregnant. Some of us think it is a non-issue.
• Others of us want to use it to question Palin's policy on education, abortion, and health care.
• But you know, asking Palin questions about these things is just SEXIST, you pinko media elites!

• Our very own media elite, Megan, braved the RNC so we didn't have to.

• Instead, we sat at home with our righteous, indignant, borderline insane rage.
• Ok. Deep breaths people. You know what? It's Friday. Find your own personal Levi The Defiler and bang the crap out of that gum-chewing troglodyte! It'll get your mind off things. Just remember use a rubber.

• Lindsay Lohan has turned down a $700,000 offer to pose topless in Playboy. Since we already saw her nipples in New York magazine, what would be the point? [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, there's a truce in the Lohan fam: Michael is actually saying nice things about Dina! And mom, dad and all the kids will allegedly all be together for the final service for Lindsay's grandfather, who died last week. They'll scatter his ashes in a Long Island harbor. [E!]
• You know how Sarah Palin was on the cover of Us? Apparently the magazine "lost thousands of subscribers in the first 24 hours" following the printing of the issue. [MSNBC]

• Lily Allen's suffering from a major hangover and some regret after drunkly swearing on stage at the GQ Awards. Her Facebook status is "dying inside" and she wrote that she "feels like killing" herself, although that part has since been removed. Free champagne is a blessing and a curse. [Daily Mail]
• Leighton Meester and Blake Lively of Gossip Girl: Guest stars on 30 Rock this fall. Apparently Liz Lemon was a mean girl in high school! [EW]
• Heidi Montag: "I'm waiting for my Barbie Doll. That's what I want next." Spencer Pratt: "We just talked to Mattel yesterday, and we are already working on our own Ken and Barbie." That sound you hear: Thunderous hooves, as the Apocalyptic horsemen approach. [Socialite Life]
• Romeo Beckham is The Dark Knight. [The Sun]
• Balthazar Getty and Matthew Rhys, who play brothers on Brothers & Sisters are not speaking to each other, and it's Sienna Miller's fault. Naturally. [E!]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, is moving into her own house in West Hollywood. But! Her beau, Milo Ventimiglia, is upset because he thought they were moving in together. Turns out she's wary of Milo, who keeps talking about marriage. A source says: "She's not even old enough to have a drink, so she's not even thinking about settling down." [Star]
• Whoa, there's a feud between Alec Baldwin and Greg Garcia, the exec producer of My Name Is Earl. Alec can't understand why they'd do a one-hour episode of Earl: You've got to be fucking kidding me," he says. Garcia says Alec sounds like a "psychotic narcissist." [Page Six, Defamer]
• This story about Jennifer Aniston is titled: "Did Brangelina Spoil Jennifer For Other Men?" Here is an actual line from the article: "When it comes to men, Jen’s radar seems hopelessly broken, leaving her prey to the serial-shagger charms of men such as [Paul] Sculfor, who is now cosily loved up with Cameron Diaz, and [John] Mayer, who has been involved with a string of other celebs including Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Love Hewitt." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse ordered 48 bottles of Jack Daniel's. For a weekend gig. [The Sun]
• Kim Kardashian is helping sister Khloe with Celebrity Apprentice. First assignment: Lunch with Omarosa. Uh-oh! [Page Six]
• Tension in New Kids On The Block? Seems like Donnie won't hang out with the other kids or play their reindeer games. [Page Six]
• Richard Branson says, "The best way to reduce your carbon footprint is not to fly at all. But that's not realistic. You can't walk to England." He has a solution, of course: "Fly Virgin. One hundred percent of all profits from all our airlines are reinvested into finding a cleaner fuel solution. We had an experimental 747 that ran on coconut oil… but it took 150,000 coconuts for one flight. So now we're looking at developing fuel from algae. If you fly Virgin, you'll support this cause." [Rush & Molloy]
• Rachel Weisz was voted Hollywood's hottest babe — in a poll of 4,000 lesbians. [The Sun]
• Actor Joe Pantoliano, aka Ralph Cifaretto on the Sopranos, was at the RNC lobbying for his charity, No Kidding, which deals with brain disease. Joey Pants sufferers from clinical depression. [Page Six]
• The court case between Matt LeBlanc and his former business manager has been settled. You can click to see the court papers or think a happy thought about butterflies, and I suggest the latter, because the papers are a yawn. [ET]
• One year after vowing never to perform on the MTV Awards again, Kanye West will close the show's 25th annual ceremony in Hollywood on Sunday. [Reuters]
• Christina Aguilera will also perform at the VMAs. [Daily Star]
• Don't hold your breath for U2's new album: It's been pushed to 2009. Bono says the band has 50 or 60 new songs to consider for inclusion. Decision time. [Reuters]
• The dude who robbed Kiki Dunst's hotel room last August is getting four years in jail. Maybe that's why his MySpace has Jewish prayer music on it? [Gothamist]
• Ciara: Naked on the cover of Vibe magazine. [Concrete Loop]
• Akon performed in South Africa last week and when one of his female fans embraced him, he violently elbowed her off the stage. [Molly Good]
• Anthony Edwards will appear on the final season of ER, but Dr. Mark Greene is not back from the dead: He'll be in flashback scenes. [AP]
• Are you the Gatekeeper? Columbia Pictures is working on a new installment of Ghostbusters. [LA Times]
• An L.A. businessman is suing Gene Simmons over an Indy Racing League deal. [E!]
• "It's going to stop one day. It's not that you fall. It's just one day there are new people, and, you know, the opportunities aren't what they once were. It happens to everybody, man. I prepare for the worst. I think every show I do, I realize I could get booed off the stage and they could throw tomatoes. Hey — Michael Jackson, man. One day you're Vanilla Ice and the next day you're…Vanilla Ice." — Chris Rock on his career. [Page Six]
• "I live in Costa Rica, way off the grid. We live off solar power, with no car, and no telephone. I'm nothing like my character. I'm more into the environment." — Perrey Reeves, aka Entourage's Mrs. Ari Gold. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I didn't really have any expectations. They say it gives you a little more juice for the first year and that's it. It certainly didn't help me get this movie made." — Helen Hunt, on life after winning an Oscar, and her directorial debut, Then She Found Me, in which Salman Rushie has a part as an obstetrician. [Guardian]
• "The corsets were very restrictive. The worst part was after lunch because they don’t help your digestion." — Keira Knightley on burping her way through The Duchess. [The Sun]
• "I don't always love kids. Sometimes I absolutely loathe them. Children are just people who haven't lived very long yet. I'm predisposed to be affectionate if someone’s smaller but if they're loathsome in the first five minutes, they're loathsome.” — Colin Firth. [Daily Express]
• "I had sex if I had the energy. I wasn't one of those guys who believed in the myths about the guy losing his chi. The fact is that if you are riding your bike six, seven hours a day, you are not a sex champion. You're just not. You have fatigue, low testosterone and a lower libido. But you know, I never got any complaints." — Lance Armstrong to Men's Journal. [Page Six]

11:16 ET: There is still a fuckload of balloons in the rafters. They're recycling songs now, and I still need to leave the secure area to get some goddamned liquor, so I'll let the delegates play with balloons while I try to find the bus to my party. I'll see you all in Crappy Hour tomorrow and promise to be appropriately hung over.

11:12 ET: Gold confetti streamers shoot at the crowd. I realize that the system dropped the post for a few seconds.

11:08 ET: Balloons and confetti continue dropping to "Barracuda."

11:07 ET: Balloon drop! Its the real moment everyone's been waiting for, except for the janitors that will have to clean those and the confetti up in a couple of hours.

11:04 ET: "Raising McCain" starts playing (again). Cindy comes out. They stand and wave. The out come Sarah and Todd Palin. Cindy walks to stand on the other side of John so he's next to Sarah Palin for the photo op and he puts his hands on Cindy's waist and moves her back again. She smiles embarrassed.

11:02 ET: He invites the crowd to fight with him and they stand up to cheer, and he talks through the cheers because prime time is over. I don't really know what he said because I couldn't here.

11:00 ET: He's not running for President because he thinks he was annointed by God or anything like Obama supposedly thinks. Please see time stamp 10:10 to recall the point where the narrator said that he was American's good fortune.

10:58 ET: Tortured so bad he broke, but Bob Kramer helped him get over it.

10:57 ET: Really Tortured, yo.

10:56 ET: Did you know John McCain was really tortured? And he served in Vietnam.

10:55 ET: John McCain's an imperfect servant.

10:53 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" Also, some people are shouting "zero, zero" about Obama. Laaame.

10:52 ET: America is great and perfect, we just need to change everything about it. You know, if he were a woman talking about the man she planned on marrying, I'd be warning them not to go through with it. Don't go through with it America!

10:50 ET: He hates war. He doesn't want other families to suffer the way his did, unless their kids are in Iraq right now, in which case, you know, it'll be ok, he'll totes pull out by 2013.

10:49 ET: Eeeeevil exists! John McCain knows how to fight it! Flashlight under the bed, for real.

10:48 ET: Iran, Russia and Georgia. Believe that Randy Scheunemann wrote this part since, um, he just ignored the part where Georgia crossed into non-Georgian territory first. Ahem.

10:46 ET: "It's time to show the world again how Americans lead." You can't really lead at the point of the gun, though, 'cause technically for it to work you have to be behind the other person.

10:45 ET: Drilling gets big cheers and they break out into "Drill, baby, drill!" People applaud new nuclear power plants.

10:43 ET: School choice is not a big applause line. Six people applaud charter schools. I think this issue isn't that exciting anymore.

10:40 ET: He's going to change the unemployment system. But I'm sure in a way that will be totes better for the unemployed.

10:39 ET: Obama's plan with make it so a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor. People boo. Show me a private insurance plan where a bureaucrat doesn't stand between me and my doctor, John McCain. Oh, wait, right, you've never had private health insurance. Never mind. But I'm sure having government bureaucrats doing it has been so very tough on you.

10:38 ET: They see nothing ironic in a minute later McCain saying that government shouldn't make your choices for you.

10:37 ET: Abortion mention!

10:36 ET: "[From random white people] to the Latina daughter of migrant workers, we're all God's children and we're all Americans." Except for maybe that Latina's parents.

10:36 ET: "The party of Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan is going to get back to basics." I don't really know what that means.

10:33 ET: Shout out to "real" people.

10:32 ET: Did you know he was tortured?

10:31 ET: He was right about The Surge, and would rather have lost an election than the war, blah blah blah.

10:29 ET: He's been called a maverick. About 100 times tonight. It's because he doesn't work for the party, "it's because I work for you," he tells a room full of Republicans.

10:27 ET: Change is coming to Washington because Palin is coming to Washington. Or something.

10:24 ET: It's all about Sarah. People are seemingly more enthusiastic about her than McCain.

10:23 ET: Another protestor made it in and gets shouted down again. She's up in the stands on the other side of the stadium. McCain tells people "Please don't get distracted by the ground noise and the static. I'm going to talk about it some more because Americans want us to stop yelling at each other." People cheer. He starts up again, the yeller keeps yelling, and the cheers start up again.

10:21 ET: "We are dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." Nice Gettysburg/Lincoln shout out. It's the first subtle reference of the night. Also, when he says that "we are going to win this elections," the cheers are legit loud.

10:20 ET: He loves his mama, and she's 96 years old. Also, he won't let down the supporters who stood by him when the odds were down. Ahem. Well, that's not that many people in this room, probably.

10:18 ET: Protester led away. John thinks Cindy's awesome and will make a great first lady.

10:17 ET: The sign got yanked out of his hands. The protestor shouts again. The crowd starts cheering to drown him out. John McCain starts up to be nice ato GWB, Laura, GHWB and Barbara. The protester guy is still there 3 minutes later.

10:15 ET: Cheers end. Now's a good time to point out that he's standing at a podium and I can see his ass. It's the first ass of the night. A protester begins yelling above my head. The crowd drowns him out. Republicans around him try to grab his sign. Security still not there a minute later.

10:14 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A!"

10:13 ET: Palin got much louder cheers last night, but John McCain is probably just a little deaf so he can't tell.

10:12 ET: Tortured in a Box. "When you live in a box, you spend your life trying to make sure that other people don't have to." Unless they are brown and from the Middle East. Then, fuck those guys. Torture away.

10:11 ET: Really, really tortured.

10:10 ET: "What a life, what a faith, what a family. What good fortune than America will choose this leader at this time." What good fortune that I didn't throw my coffee cup away so that I have something to vom in.

10:08 ET: No, really, he was tortured. Really, really tortured.

10:07 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured a lot?

10:06 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

10:06 ET: They show a picture of a young Roberta. Yowza. She was a total hottie!

10:04 ET: The movie starts! It's the "Dallas" music again. Who shot J.R.? Some people call John McCain an asshole, but his mama calls him a mama's boy. More Roberta, Steve Schmidt, you asshole.

10:02 ET: "Rock This Town" plays, I'm 90 percent certain it's the Brian Setzer version (again) but feel free to correct me in the comments. Nah, it's definitely Brian Setzer and not the original.

9:59 ET: Kool and The Gang "Celebrate" good times with the Republican convention. People shout "Whoo-hoo!" off-key.

9:56 ET: Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode." Less inspired dancing than "Rock Around The Clock" got last night, but some people are catching the significance of the chorus and singing along "Go, Johnny, go, go!"

9:55 ET: Bye, Cindy Lou Who! We'll see you at the end of John's interminable speech...

9:55 ET: She's gonna protect our freedom, too! Just not our reproductive freedom.

9:52 ET: Cindy makes the audience applaud Earnestine from Kigali. Least authentic applause all night even though Earnestine seems awfully worth applauding — more so than insults about community organizers anyway.

9:50 ET: Another report leans over and asks, "So do you think that Bridget represents 10 percent of the diversity here tonight?" Cindy says "Viet-namn" again.

9:50 ET: You know, I always sort of wondered why she only kept Bridget. Was the other Bangladeshi girl not good enough? Okay the smirking way she mentioned Bridget made me cringe.

9:46 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? (Also... she called it "Viet-namn" instead of "Viet-nahm.")

9:45 ET: Hockey mom! Pistol packin' mother of 5! International experience? Pshaw. Bitch hunts meese.

9:44 ET: Shouts out Sarah Palin: "I've always thought it's a good idea to have a woman's hand on the wheel as well." What is "wheel" code for? Penis?

9:42 ET: She hit a home run by marrying John McCain. Really?

9:41 ET: She's kind of a stiff speaker. She would be better with a platform than a wireless mike, even though you'd see less of the suit.

9:36 ET: She sort of makes low-income America sound like a third world country. Also, her solution is to get government out of the way of people trying to help... like community organizers, perhaps?

9:35 ET: You gotta give Cindy props on that suit. She looks fucking excellent. They also got even his first kids on stage.

9:34 ET: The also skip the drug addiction part when showing her with the medical supplies and stuff.

9:32 ET: Cindy does good things! And had short hair! I liked short-haired Cindy, actually.

9:31 ET: The skip over the part where he was married when they met. Also, they call him "handsome." They showed pictures, and we in the snark section beg to differ.

9:30 ET: "Cindy Lou Hensley got all the attention of her father." Totes true — just ask her half sister.

9:28 ET: Cindy McCain's real middle name? Lou. I didn't know that when I titled this post! Also, Cindy's dad was shot down, like JOHN MCCAIN, only he wasn't tortured. I do believe they are eliding over her dad's first wife. Whoops.

9:27 ET: And, he's out. Back to obscurity for you, Tom Ridge! Enjoy Penna. Join me in the McCainiac thread!

9:25 ET: Volunteers have to lead the crowd in shouting "That's John McCain," because it's a shitty repeat line. I mean, my God, these people will shout "drill, baby, drill," so you know that's bad.

9:23 ET: This went from being a political speech to a crappy sermon. It's not doing a damn thing for the crowd, it's amazing in its mediocrity.

9:20 ET: John McCain can negotiate with trust and respectability because he's already got the respect of our allies. Of course, mostly we have to negotiate with our non-allies, but, details!

9:18 ET: If you can make it through this night drinking every time someone says "victory," you should really go to detox.

9:17 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

9:16 ET: Tom and John McCain are friends because they both like shitty jokes.

9:14 ET: What color is your fear? Tom Ridge knows.

9:11 ET: The background music to the film? A slower synth version of the theme to "Dallas."

9:10 ET: They're showing the Palin film that Ferret Face talked through last night.

9:09 ET: When faced with rumors that you are gay, avoid gesturing with your thumb in the way Lindsay Graham just did, as the first thing that runs through sick people's minds it that thumb up someone's butt.

9:04 ET: John McCain supported The Surge despite it being political suicide because it was the right thing to do.

9:01 ET: Boos for Moveon.org.

9:00 ET: Lindsay Graham is up. "This speech is for the troops." Does that mean I can resume ignoring Lindsay Graham?

9:00 ET: Another reporter leans over and says, "That dancing down there reminds me of 'Janet Reno's Dance Party.' Or Elaine in 'Seinfeld.'"

8:57 ET: "Danger Zone" time! But there is not a single person here who looks like Maverick and Goose shirtless, let alone Iceman. Also,thing maybe the Maverick reference is why they chose this song? Because, otherwise, it's like they're saying that John McCain will take this country into the Danger Zone...

8:53 ET: He stopped talking. It's country music time: "Put Me In Coach" it is seemingly called. I'd YouTube it for you, but then you might slick through and I wouldn't do that to you. It's way lame, which is what there are a shitload of Texans all dancing in time. I took video, which I'll spend three hours uploading to YouTube tomorrow or something because it amuses me.

8:49 ET: By the way, they've moved the podium back so I don't have any ass views. Also, Joe Gibbs has yet to say anything interesting but he just. keeps. talking. Good thing I have coffee.

8:47 ET: Joe Gibbs. They "neglect" to mention his Redskins coaching.

8:46 ET: Bye!

8:44 ET: He says "It's God first, then family, then country." Snarky reporter number two says, "Can't he read? It's country first." I say, "God, country, same thing, isn't that what we're learning here?"

8:43 ET: Brian Clay is an Olympian. Who he is requires the longest explanation of the convention so far. Also, he has kids. He's a God-y.

8:42 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

8:41 ET: They show Rudy Giuliani and people applaud. Fucking a.

8:40 ET: The show the second plane striking the tower, the pit, the Pentagon. On the night of 9/11, I looked out on my balcony and could see the Pentagon burning over the trees. Fuck this political shit, for real. This is kind of very offensive.

8:39 ET: Creepy terrorist film. NINE ELEVEN BABY.

8:38 ET: She stopped talking.

8:37 ET: Another reporter asks me, "We have 3 branches of government, right? The military, the executive branch and... the legislative?" I am so in the right section tonight.

8:36 ET: NINE ELEVEN BABY

8:35 ET: By the way, barbers in Oklahoma City gave first responders free hair cuts. That's, like, un-Americans giving away something for free. Also, she's all talking about tragedy and if it weren't for the crazy echo, Republican delegates would be drowning her out.

8:33 ET: Other woman I don't know. Someone in the crowd does, though. Hey, remember when those white guys bombed that Oklahoma City building and everyone thought they were all Islamic and shit and then they weren't and everyone felt bad about stereotyping and being jingoistic? Good times.

8:29 ET: "Footloose" plays. Some small number of people dance in a tortured fashion. Don't they know that the only acceptable way to dance to this involves jumping around and step-ball-changes and general 80s awesomeness? I am tempted to show them but the press area is crowded and the Secret Service is all up in here for the first time. Who knew they read Jezebel?

8:29 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:28 ET: He believes in American exceptionalism, and that we have a God-given destiny. My snark about that is interrupted by my laughter when he says that "We need leaders that forego the earthly pleasures of now."

8:26 ET: "The other side says 'Yes We Can' and then votes 'No You Won't." John McCain says, "'Yes We Will.'" Well, it may be a stupid mockery of Obama's slogans like every other GOP slogan so far, it's fucking better than "drill, baby, drill." Hey, that's a rhyme!

8:24 ET: Americans live for something bigger than they are? HAHAHAHAHA!

8:23 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:23 ET: Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback is here. "You ready to rock, America?" It is hard to type while cringing that hard.

8:21 ET: This woman is determined that I will personally not ignore her, because she keeps repeating the word "Megan."

8:19 ET: Buh-bye, Bill. Going to ignore the military lady, since not even I know who she is.

8:18 ET: "We will make extreme poverty history." Think Bush already did that.

8:16 ET: He went to Rwanda. These are Republicans, hon, they don't care.

8:15 ET: No one else is paying attention to Brain-Dead Bill either.

8:13 ET: Reporter next to me says, "I can actually tell from watching him on that computer screen that he is brain dead." I vote for zombie.

8:12 ET: Bill Frist, "live" and in the flesh.

8:12 ET: Pawlenty, over and out.

8:10 ET: "Sam's Club voters"? I'm a Sam's Club member because I'm a cheap bitch not because I'm a Republican.

8:10 ET: He knows John McCain, just like Carly. Or maybe not just like Carly.

8:09 ET: Pawlenty went to Iraq? WTF does that have to do with governing Minnesota?

8:08 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:07 ET: "The best Sermons aren't preached, they're lived." Tell that to all the hypocritical sermonizers in D.C.

8:06 ET: Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is glad we're here.

In fact, the most reliable applause line of the night — from Texas Railroad Commission Chairman Michael Williams to Sarah Palin — was any reference to abortion, or, in Republican terms, "respect for life." It is striking, in retrospect, how many times the speakers genuflected in the direction of embryos last night, as though there was any doubt that too many people in the room support reproductive rights.

Carly Fiorina has been stalking Hillary supporters for a while now trying to lure them with the false assertions that McCain is supportive of birth control coverage and not really all that opposed to abortion. In fact, one could even assert that she's the leading proponent in the McCainosphere pushing his "liberal" credentials on these issues, even as she's telling women they "aren't" — meaning, shouldn't be — one issue voters.

On the other hand, where is the women's agenda at the RNC? Pay equity is a Democratic issue, as is increased child care funding, as is universal health coverage. McCain's got increased child tax credits to go along with his insistence that he'll try to stop you from ever having an abortion and that your insurance company shouldn't have cover birth control, but I'd hardly say that's an agenda for women on a par with equal pay or equal rights. If I'm voting on more than "drill, baby, drill," the surge, McCain's torture-iffic past and letting businesses keep their tax breaks to keep prices low, what am I supposed to vote for when it comes to the daily issues in my life? The Dems may get my ear because of the Republican's insistence that abortion is as evil as "Islamic terrorism," but they keep it because they keep talking about things that I believe in. Women aren't one-issue voters, Carly, but John McCain is wrong on more than one issue.

Fiorina: Dems 'Hold Women Hostage' To Abortion Issue [The Hill]
Carly Fiorina's Fuzzy McCain-Speak [LA Times]

11:17 ET: When the lights come up and I can find my computer plug, I'm out. Because, really, "Raising McCain" is more than I can handle without booze. I'll catch y'all tomorrow in Crappy Hour.

11:15 ET: Apparently they bumped the "entertainment." Stupid prayer-haters making it out before I did.

11:13 ET: Vaguely military-esque music starts up, and they make for the offstage. The exodus before the prayer begins.

11:11 ET: "Don't you think we made the right choice? And what a beautiful family." Also known as "Fuck the haters." No end to the applause, but "USA! USA! has started up again.

11:10 ET: John McCain steals a page from Obama's playbook and arrives onstage, only he can't look like the epitome of cool doing it. The crowd goes wild. Todd's holding Trig, which means it was definitely not a surprise. They're standing too close ot the backdrop for me to get a good look at Todd's ass.

11:09 ET: Out comes the family, Trig included. He's sleepy but awake and not quite understanding what's going on, and very cute.

11:08 ET: She's done, God Bless America, roars from the crowd, fake flag waving on the screen in the background. Cheers, etc.

11:07 ET: John McCain is inspiring, damn it! She swears! Character, hope and change belong to him alone. BWAHAHAHAA

11:05 ET: Eeeeevil. Eeeevil. We don't want no stinking eeeevil. Also, real person reference.

11:04 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

11:03 ET: "The American Presidency is not supposed to be a journey of self-discovery." George Bush sure knows that. Also, what's all the hate for community organizing, for real? It's kind of incredibly nasty in an unexpected way, coming from the a stadium branded "country first" and a convention lauding the idea of service above self. I guess there's only one kind of service that counts, unless you're a Republican draft-dodger in the Vietnam era, in which case there are other kinds of service you can do without being mocked.

11:01 ET: Family box full again with Roberta and Meghan among others. Also, the crowd boos Harry Reid. I'm surprised anyone feels strongly enough about old Milquetoast Reid to bother.

11:00 ET: Another mocking reference to Obama. She should've stuck to clap lines more than boo lines, in my opinion. Also, we're officially out of prime time. Let's thank Rudy!

10:59 ET: Finally a good line: "There are some politicians that use change to promote there careers. John McCain has uses his career to promote change."

10:58 ET: T minus 2 minutes until the end of prime time. We're booing corporate tax increases. Except that there aren't any corporate tax increases in Obama's plan and he's talking about lowering the rate, but he's a Dem! He's going to increase taxes!

10:57 ET: We're booing Obama for thinking the rule of law is important even when the people subject to it are bad, and for not trying to convince Iran to give up nukes before they give up nukes.

10:56 ET: Makes fun of the stage at Invesco. The crowd applauds. Also, she mocks him as thinking he's Moses and Jesus combined. I don't think mockery is that cool. It's kind of childish.

10:55 ET: Obama has two memoirs but not legislation, including no reform legislation. Guess we're skipping that lobbying ethics reform bill

10:54 ET: More oil. "American ingenuity."

10:52 ET: The reporter next to me points out that since the Palin fam is making its way to the stage to be there when Sarah finishes speaking, Cindy McCain is now sitting alone, very alone, in the family box. Sarah's still talking about drilling.

10:51 ET: Drill here, drill now... Pipe there, pipe here.

10:48 ET: True reform is hard to achieve because interests are entrenched. That's why John McCain really hasn't accomplished that much in Washington in the last two decades, but he'll totes do it in 4 years in the White House. Also, Sarah Palin sold Frank Murkowski's luxury jet on eBay.

10:47 ET: She'll carry herself as a nice person when she's VP, she promises. Totally not the one that fired the head of the library for not banning books.

10:44 ET: She doesn't care what we think. Also, the acoustics kind of suck in here, with as loud as people are shouting, it's hurting my ears.

10:42 ET: Mayors are like community organizers with actual responsibilities. Weren't Republicans 4 and 8 years ago all like, community involvement can replace government for social services? Also, she brings up Bittergate.

10:41 ET: "The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick." Somewhere in this stadium, someone is popping popcorn. It makes me hungry.

10:40 ET: "They're always proud of America," (i.e., beware that Michelle Obama person). Loud standing ovation, "USA! USA!"

10:39 ET: "Every woman can walk through every door of opportunity." You know, unless a dude is keeping it shut.

10:38 ET: Todd's still her guy. People applaud him for that.

10:37 ET: To the parents of special needs kids, she'll be your friend and advocate in the White House. Smart.

10:35 ET: Mentions and waves to her daughters. Everyone stands and applauds. Trig is beautiful, and asleep.

10:35 ET: Proud of our troops, "USA!" etc.

10:33 ET: Victory is in sigh in Iraq. Also, she has a son in Iraq, did you know?

10:32 ET: John McCain was right on the surge. Yes, yes, understand that's the belief.

10:30 ET: Cheering stops. She accepts the nomination. Cheering begins anew.

10:28 ET: She walks out. Deafening cheers, for real this time.

9:57 ET: She's out to the strains of country music, and so am I... at least until our Rudy thread. Bring your ferrets!

9:56 ET: Washington is broken and even though McCain's been in office in Washington for more than 20 years, he's not, like, at all part of the problem and choosing Palin shows it somehow.

9:54 ET: Alaska has the same electoral votes as Delaware. That's a slam on Biden? Also, by the way, Delaware is really small. Why is she shitting on Delaware?

9:52 ET: Palin's a great choice, people are standing, etc. I wonder if there are still people handing out free Coke Zero's outside of security.

9:51 ET: Apparently, Barack Obama and Joe Biden have any executive experience. Of course, neither does Senator John McCain, but shhhhhhh.

9:49 ET: Wasilla has 10,000 people, and Sarah Palin governed it. Of course, it didn't have that many people in 2003 when she left office, but whatevs.

9:48 ET: Governors deal with issues Congress members only talk about, like environmental policy and other things the federal government is in charge of.

9:44 ET: FACT CHECK TIME: Sarah Palin received 909 votes in her 1999 mayoral reelection race. Joe Biden got 2,328 votes in Iowa for his Presidential campaign in Iowa. It only took me this long to find because my internet connection is hella slow. Lingle's still going on about Palin's kids and ethics reforms. Not a great speaker, Linda Lingle. Second woman of the night to incorporate pink despite the red background.

9:42 ET: The crowd applauds for her beauty pageant days.

9:41 ET: She knows Sarah Palin. She's also ripping off Fiorina if she says it over and over again.

9:40 ET: Linda Lingle! It's ladies night again! She's gonna talk about Palin.

9:38 ET: John McCain sacrificed every single thing for all of us! Also elect him! He's out!

9:37 ET: Stupid long story about education and veterans and whatever blah blah blah lames but everyone applauds because the word "soldiers" inspires a Pavlovian response.

9:34 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? And that he didn't bend by renouncing his country or going home early? Definitely a night of new information over here.

9:33 ET: Sarah Palin got more votes for mayor in Wasila than Joe Biden got running for President. Gonna fact check that one.

9:32 ET: Abortion reference. Again. Before I started liveblogging, even the elected commissioner of the Texas railroads had an opinion on my uterus.

9:31 ET: Huckabee pretends he used to shower with Lava soap. If you don't get it, you're an elitist. If you do get it despite being an elitist, you roll your eyes. Also, he didn't sit around when he was poor and wait for the government to rescue him. What was the name of Reagan's fake welfare mom again?

9:29 ET: Barack Obama's "excellent adventure" to Europe. My, God, let's just put up a fence to keep us in, we wouldn't want to be polluted by strange and foreign ideas.

9:28 ET: Electing Obama is risky. Thanks, Mike Huckabee.

9:26 ET: He thanks us liberal elitist media for unifying to Republican party untied behind McCain-Palin. "The reporting of the last few days has been tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert." Man, why does he gotta bash on my girl?

9:26 ET: Ha, ha, he wanted to be the nominee, but he's happy to be here to talk about John McCain. He's got character and "the stubborn kind of integrity" that we need or something.

9:25 ET: The Huckster is in the house! No sign of Chuck Norris, though.

9:21 ET: Funktastic wedding reception music plays. The only people apparently still dancing are those people trying to get on camera.

9:17 ET: Elitist media unable to identify the song. YouTube says: Rodney Atkins, "If You're Going Through Hell." Rodney doesn't explain what I'm supposed to do, though.

9:16 ET: American is the hope of the earth, and the Romneybot departs. Musical selection: something country. Some people are singing along.

9:15 ET: "Just like you, there's never been a day when I've not been proud to be an American." People cheer "U.S.A.!. U.S.A.!" again and we don't mention Michelle Obama by name.

9:13 ET: Republicans believe that there is good and evil in the world — Evil Empire, Axis of Evil and by the way, radical violent Islam is evil and John McCain will defeat it and everyone stand up and cheers and we're back to "U.S.A.!. U.S.A.!" just as the German reporter arrives again. Sigh. Also, it's cool to call Islam evil because that's "straight talk and not politically correct talk." Ugh.

9:12 ET: Government unions have "Tyranosaurus appetites." What? That was out of no where in the energy portion of his speech. Everyone stands up for grounding Al Gore's private jet. Romney oughta talk.

9:10 ET: "It's time for the party of Big Ideas, not the party of Big Brother." Umm, whose idea was the PATRIOT Act and the FISA bill? I think you meant "Big Government," only Bush expanded the size of our government too. I'm overthinking this, but I finally have an empty bladder so I have more intellectual energy.

9:09 ET: Umm, change comes from opportunity. I feel like there's always the opportunity to not be racist and sexist and plenty people choose not to change.

9:08 ET: Liberals don't have a clue. Also, he's quite shout-y tonight. Someone must've given the Romneybot some caffeine.

9:07 ET: Washington is liberal because of: Gitmo decision, limits on offshore drilling, government spending has doubled since 1980 (notably: 8 years of Dems in the White House in those 28 years)

9:06 ET: Screws up stupid rhyme scheme. Also, something about the sun will rise in the west because John is from Arizona and Sarah is from Alaska and it's a crap metaphor.

9:05 ET: With all the Mormon rumors and shit, he probably shouldn't start his speech with "Ann and I love you all." At least if he doesn't want me to snort.

9:04 ET: The first semi-deafening cheers of the night. Also, quite possibly the best ass of the night. Trying to find the boys in the crowd.

8:50 ET: Carly says "John McCain is the choice of the new generation." I happen to be reading this comment and snicker out loud by mistake. Three other reporters proceed to snicker. And then she's out. And so am I until Romney speaks in a few minutes: it's potty time! New thread 'round about 9:20 or whenever the Romnibot 3000 steps up to the mike.

8:49 ET: John McCain values the contributions of women in the following ordered ways: to our families, communities, the economy, and then in governing. Also, she said it AGAIN.

8:48 ET: How many fucking times is she going to say, "I know John McCain"? But does she know him Biblically? Otherwise, fuck it, I don't care.

8:47 ET: "Many people talk about changing Washington." Which is why it never, ever changes.

8:45 ET: John McCain will empower companies to make money. That's what Republicans do.

8:43 ET: We should all have an equal opportunity to achieve the American dream, according to John McCain, not that he plans on doing anything to guarantee said equality because that would be too much government interference, which he objects to.

8:42 ET: Maverick! Drink! People again realize by her pauses that they should applaud. Carly starts to realize the absurdity of talking when no one is actually listening.

8:41 ET: Obama is rhetoric and promises, McCain is service and reform. Some people realize by the way she pauses that they are supposed to clap. McCain's life is remarkable — oh, and BY THE WAY he was tortured.

8:40 ET: Long list of question... Getting bored. Crowd is getting louder, but no one else is paying attention either.

8:39 ET: Carly's turn. Time to be shallow: don't like the new haircut. Also, the magenta suit with the red backdrop? Bad call.

8:26 ET: Playing "Rock Around the Clock," Brian Setzer version, lots of old people actually dancing now that the recognize the song (even if they don't recognize the artist). There are way more old men here doing The Twist than I pretty much ever needed to see. The bass line makes me cross my legs more.

8:24 ET: Playing "Everyday People." There is unsurprisingly way less rhythm here.

8:32 ET: I look up at the movie screen only to see vid of brain surgery. Not nearly enough blood to be interesting. If I knew it would be this long, I would've gone to pee instead of doing the pee-pee dance during Fiorina's speech but it will make me motivated to blog fast.

8:30 ET: Choose John McCain, thanks, and it's video time.

8:27 ET: Applause line dies. Also, it's all about "individual freedom," except when it comes to your uterus.

8:26 ET: Meg says the tax code is "mind-numbing." So's this speech.

8:24 ET: "The real agents of change in this campaign." Wow, where did I hear that before? Oh, right, last night. Exciting. Or not. Drink, so maybe it'll get that way.

8:23 ET: "John McCain is more ready to lead than any person in America." Oooh, burn GWB, Meg, I might like you more.

8:21 ET: Meg's mom believed in America, and not in sexism. Uhh, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. Also, shout out to small government.

8:20 ET: She's here. She grew up on Long Island. I hate that place (sorry Long Island Jezzies) — it's like one long never ending suburb

MEGAN: How many conventions have you been to, and how are this year's different?

GRETA: I was at both in 2004 and in 2000, and I honestly can't remember if I went in 1996 — with all due respect, they all start to blur together for me with the big tent and the lights and the media section, the security. I've been around the block. These are different substantively — my experience has been that there's usually an obvious candidate coming into the conventions, an incumbent or whatever. But this time we have Senator McCain and Senator Obama, two people that most people a year ago would not have predicted would be the nominees. So that's different. And for the first time in twenty-four years there's a woman on the ticket. So that makes a difference. The thing that I'm not wild about is that the conventions are so scripted, we could almost put a camera up and talk about these back in the studio. Because of the level of security now, and increasingly over the years, we aren't really interviewing anyone on site. This isn't new gathering anymore, it's news management breaking any news. So I look around a see the expense, how much money the media how to lay out to cover these things and I wonder if I was running the operations if I would do it.

MEGAN: With Sarah Palin's nomination, it's been kind of a whirlwind of personal speculation about her and everyone's coming out on a different side about whether or not we "should" be talking about her family. How do you see that from a news perspective?

GRETA: Well, every time we have something new, a trailblazer, we tend to come out like scientists with our little microscopes. I think this is one of those times. It used to be that seeing a woman running for Congress it was a new thing and everyone ran around examining them. But now it's fairly commonplace except for on the the ticket. So when it's a woman running for Senate of Congress, it's kind of like, big whoop, we've seen it a million times. But the first one, the trailblazer, always gets dissected like a frog in the lab. Whether it's fair, I don't know. The issues she raises, the fact that she has number of children and a dual role, I think most women in this country would say that women have doing that for a long time, working and having children.

MEGAN: Some people have been comparing the way Hillary Clinton was treated in the primary, the sexism there, with how Sarah Palin has been treated. Do you see some kind of comparison there?

GRETA: I think it's different. Do I think there's sexism in media? Yes, I will tell you that. They are two completely different roles, so I don't know if you can compare the two. But, like, if a guy wears tight leather pants, we don't write about it. For a woman, we might write about the issues but there will always be a paragraph about what she was wearing.

MEGAN: Do you think the clothing discussion is a fair discussion to have and we're just not doing it with men? Or that it's not really a valid discussion?

GRETA: I think you will see the blue tie, red tie discussion but, regardless, the level of scrutiny will always be more on a woman.

MEGAN: Do you see that as a person in the media?

GRETA: I think Katie Couric is a good example. Now, I don't know Katie, I've met her maybe twice. She has the highest job in media, her and Charles Gibson and Brian Williams. And you know how she got that job? She earned it, the old fashioned way. She was an intern at CNN. But the level of scrutiny she got when she took that job, it just wasn't comparable to the level that either of the two men got. Whether you like Katie Couric or not, she's got 30 years of experience and she earned it and she just got hammered by the media. And the women were just as involved with hammering her as men. It's horrible, it's unbelievable.

MEGAN: Do you feel like you've been subjected to some of that as well?

GRETA: I think I pretty much dodged that bullet.

MEGAN: Do you think that's because of the kind of topics you cover?

GRETA: I think it's that... I have no idea. It's an issue for every single woman in the media. I'm sure you get it, everyone gets it, I just think maybe I get a little less of it.

MEGAN: Do you have any idea how you innoculated yourself?

GRETA: I have another career. I have a whole other career, and a career that I liked. I liked practicing law. I liked teaching law. And I'd be happy going back to that. I don't have to do this job. Not caring is very empowering. I like this job. I'm very lucky that I have another one that I like to. Another woman, a single woman, especially one with kids at home? She's in a very different position than I am because she needs that job, especially if she doesn't have anything to fall back on. Having something to fall back on is always a good idea.

• Punk queen Vivienne Westwood is releasing her first album! Well, sort of. "Conceptualised, compiled and art-directed by the designer personally, the album - which is being released by Mercury Records - features 16 of the favourite songs of fashion's grande dame, which, in typical Westwood style, are anything but predicable; think Last Night Was Made For Love by Billy Fury alongside Tchaikovsky's Waltz of the Flowers." [VogueUK]
• The fact that Christina Aguilera seems so totally stable these days doesn't bode well for her new fragrance, "Inspire." Aguilera says the scent "is a natural extension of herself." But who wants to smell like happily-married mom without a substance abuse problem these days? [USA Today]
• It's official! Debbie Phelps has signed an endorsement deal with Chico's! [WSJ]
• Kate Moss returns to the catwalk after four years! Again: Well, sorta. "Kate grabbed a top hat and cane to join Beth Ditto of The Gossip in the show which was hosted by Scissor Sisters' singer Ana Matronic, and attended by a cheering posse of the model's friends including boyfriend Jamie Hince." [This Is London]

• "Even as you read this, New York Fashion Week, debuting the spring 2009 collections, is unfurling on the Bryant Park runways, all but oblivious to the fact that most Americans are too busy choosing between food and fuel to worry about foulards versus fan pleats." [Village Voice]
• Menswear designer takes a page from Italian Vogue: "Carlos Campos is showing his first women's collection Monday during Fashion Week, and he's just announced he'll use only black models in the runway show at the Altman Building." Great, but ultimately can't using a mix of models just become standard? [NY Mag]
• Does footwear herald changes in Republicanland? "Mrs. Bush opted for comfortable, unexciting slingbacks while Mrs. McCain went with considerably higher, coquettish black peep-toe pumps." Palin, of course, favors Ferrari-red heels. [Observer]
• In other sartorial convention news, conservatives, unsurprisingly, dress conservatively. "No untamed hair, no rumpled, loose-fitting skirts and trousers made from varying blends of linen, hemp and flax. On men, no shirttails hanging out or low-slung, baggy shorts and pants." [StarTribune]
• In Britain, meanwhile, female politicians stay resolutely dowdy. [Telegraph]
• Lauren Conrad: down but not out! The plucky polymath has some fall designs back up on her site. [OhNoTheyDidn't]
• Designer Yigral Azrouel branches into condoms: “Having grown up with five sisters, causes related to women’s health and wellness are close to my heart. I love being able to apply my passion for design to raise awareness for Planned Parenthood®. My business is largely founded on designing for women, so it is really about taking that mindset and applying it to a product like PROPER ATTIRE® to figure out what appeals to a woman." I guess they've given up on condoms appealing to men. [NY Mag]
• We're mad at Target for dropping Isaac Mizrahi, but maybe he'll jazz up Liz Claiborne? [WWD]
• Ethically-produced jeans have made the leap from worthy to wearable. [Guardian]
• Yet another college comes to its senses: UNC drops out of Victoria's Secret college line. [USNews]
• Check it: the Gisele for Max Factor ads. [People]
• More deets on the Vena Cava/Via Spiga collab! [Sassybella]
• We bring peace to the Middle East! And by "peace" I mean "Payless Shoes." [WSJ]
• Calvin Klein's successor Francisco Costa: “I never thought of filling anybody’s shoes...That was never a consideration. Calvin did what he did. Am I Calvin? Absolutely not. Am I respecting the label? Yes. Am I doing what I am supposed to do? I think I am. Am I respecting myself? Yes. Am I having fun? Yes. Do I like being here? I love being here." [WWD]
• Is he responsible for CK's astronomical growth? [WWD]
• We all know how designers love playing editor! (see: Tom Ford.) "For Elle's October issue, The London Issue, four British designers have created their ultimate Elle covers." They include Luella Bartley, Giles Deacon, Gareth Pugh, and Matthew Williamson. [ElleUK]