At last: Chris March wins! I mean, if the master of all things campy can't win a fucking women's wrestling challenge, well... he can and he did. Anyway, the best part about Chris's win is that he was the only one who didn't seem to be judging the challenge or the woman who served as his client. He loved her, she client loved him, and they both loved leopard print. Also, big snaps to Chris for calling attention to the fact that his co-designers would be a lot more excited about this challenge if the outfits were to be worn by men. Which raises an excellent question: Why hasn't there ever been a drag challenge on this show? (And why do I feel like Michael Kors would be excited to judge it?)

I have to admit that I would've been okay had Christian won this week; his Prince-inspired leather and lace combo was, to use his favorite word, fierce. In fact, Christian himself admitted that the design was his favorite of everything he'd designed all season. Also: What's not to love about spandex pleather chaps?

Another favorite design? Jillian's. Plus, the footage of Jillian watching DVDs of women's wrestling and grunting, hollering and cheering along with it? Amazing. And just like Richie Rich of Heatherette (Rich and co-designer Trevor Raines were last night's guest judges), I love booty shorts. And apparently, so does Nina Garcia, who championed Jillian's look as her favorite.

Oy; where to begin? I am sick and tired of witnessing Rami freak out every time a challenge isn't suited to his "design sensibility". At least he didn't mention that he's from Jerusalem and blame that on his being too fashion-forward to comprehend such a basic task.

Sweet P. could not have sucked any more this week. She got to work with the reigning WWE Diva champ, a self-described "sex kitten," and all she could think of was a look that Tim Gunn described as "Eva Gabor in Green Acres," (I'd call it more Plan 9 From Outer Space). Regardless, the outfit was not only uninspired but poorly constructed. She should just give up on fashion design and open up a cupcake shop. Also, what was up with her challenging Christian to an arm wrestle? And is it wrong that I loved that he kicked her ass?

Lastly, there was Ricky, who made an orange bathing suit. Oh, and a lame-ass cover-up that was accurately described as a "disco hair-cut smock." Honestly: A bathing suit? Nothing else? And did anyone else find it ironic that the one week that Ricky didn't cry he also lost? Maybe he needs to take a page from Hillary Clinton. (Kidding. Kidding!!)

Proof there is no God: Ricky won a challenge! (So unacceptable on so many levels.) While staring slack-jawed at the screen after his win, a friend who works in design for one of the major American designers, said, "My God, that looks like Sweetface." ("Sweetface" = J. Lo's clothing line = Not Good.) The only good part of Ricky's win? The fact that is that the praise bestowed on him made him cry. It was amazing. But, with any luck, Ricky will finally be out next week. Bitch and his hats have got to go.


Onto who should've won this week: Rami. Though his cry-baby attitude last week was a total turn-off, the denim look he created week was a major turn-on. Something about it just screamed "naughty flight attendant," which is, truth be told, one of my favorite strangely-cliched design looks. He was the only one, I felt, who really did anything with the materials given last night. I was crazy for the look. I was not crazy, however, about Rami blaming every little thing on the fact that he was raised in Jerusalem. "I'm not an American designer," he bitched while bare-chested, save for a small cross around his neck, "I was raised in Jerusalem! Three major religions are fighting one another there!"


Christian managed to make pant legs out of jacket sleeves and behave like like an irrepressible egomaniac. And he was mean to Chris March, saying, "I know a lot more than you do." Also, have you noticed how he puts a princess-seamed sleeve on everything he makes? If I were in charge, I would put Rami on draping restriction and Christian on princess seam and ruffle detail restriction. As Christian would say, "Makes me feel barfy."


I would be wrong in neglecting to praise Sweet P for her ability to bail herself out of trouble, which she did with great aplomb last night. Although she wanted to make a denim patchwork maxi-dress (see earlier posts on additional reasons why it's probable that Sweet P has dropped a little too much acid),Tim told her how to fix it, and she did, for once.


Mr. March was not fine form. He made a halter dress that looked, simply, sad. (Perhaps he was just off his game after being mocked?) No matter: Sad design = sad judges = sad viewers.


Speaking of sad, Jillian really took the cake by making a coat and concurrently having something resembling a minor breakdown. And these weren't just Ricky-style crocodile tears; they were dangerous to oneself or others kind of tears. (She also claimed she kept poking herself with needles. Um, draw your own conclusions.)



Lastly: Victorya. After behaving like a royal bitch all season and taking all the credit for Jillian's design last week, she got dropped from the show like a hot potato. But not before taking a denim jacket and sewing a skirt to it, which, in short, sucked. As did her behavior post-boot: She didn't even have the decency to hug the others goodbye or even say goodbye after Tim told her she needed to go to the workroom and clean up her space. The only person who seemed sad to see her go was Christian: But of course it takes a bitch to know one.

Words I never thought I would say: I was thrilled that Christian won. I was so charmed by his work this week that I was able to keep myself from throwing things at my TV when he proclaimed in the workroom, "If I were a diva, my name would be FEROSH!" — yes, as in ferocious. Sigh. The avant-garde look that he and Chris designed was on a whole other level than anything any of the other designers had conceived: It was sophisticated and directional and creative and artistic and beautifully constructed. Chris and Christian should go into business together; Chris's background in costume design brings the imagination and playfulness that Christian's couture-aspiring looks so desperately need. Michael Kors was rendered speechless for once, which is just about the highest compliment you can get on this show. I agree with Tim Gunn (note to self: always agree with Tim Gunn) that their r-t-w look was sorta cheap-looking, but I'll excuse it just this once.

Rami was grouchy this week. He could barely hide his disdain at being paired with Sweet P, and did even less to conceal the look on his face that screamed "Oh By The Way: I Think You're An Idiot And Have Bad Taste To Boot" every time the poor woman opened her mouth. Sweet P, who could give Ricky a run for his money when it comes to turning on the waterworks, was so distressed and weepy that even her model tried to console her. Fortunately, no bad deed was left unpunished and Rami found himself in the bottom two, as the judges questioned his bad attitude, his taste level, and his ability to do anything other than drape. They also gave major props to the r-t-w look — designed and constructed by Sweet P. I was happy to see the possibly-bipolar chick get some positive feedback.

The other look in the top two this week was designed by Jillian and Victorya. I'm not gonna lie, I was worried, 'cause they both have an "I'm more sophisticated than you" air and they're both slow at construction. But the girlies pulled through (even if, whoops, they didn't have their r-t-w look ready until the morning of the runway show) and made a crazy fierce jacket straight out of The Matrix and twisted jockey pants, detailed with unexpected tartan (they also used the plaid in their ready-to-wear look, a black dress both punky and lady-like). Victorya took the leadership credit, but lovely, overly-medicated genius Jillian was really the mastermind. Nina Garcia looked like she was going to orgasm, she was so into both of these looks, only lending more evidence to my suspicion that Nina is really into S&M.

Last but not least? Our losers, Ricky and Kit. The duo made a poor man's Scarlett O'Hara dress, complete with hoop skirt. It was ridiculous. So was their r-t-w look: Lolita on foodstamps. (And not in a good way.) In the end, the judges sent Kit home and not Ricky, and the fact that Ricky's around for one more week, makes me want to Auf myself.

Christian, and his totally heinous dress, ended up in the bottom two. He alternately blamed Maddie for designing it and then said that he tried to make a good dress and bitched at a dissatisfied Maddie for not understanding the genius of his design. Though Kevin's dress sucked more, I wanted to see Christian go home, based on bad attitude alone. He said that working with a 17-year old made him feel "not fierce." Oh please.

The true highlights of the episode came from the designers musing on their own prom memories: "Straight" Kevin is himself a Jersey boy and went to the tanning beds and nicked his parents liquor before his prom. Maybe this has something to do with why he lost? He made a god-awful ugly red short halter dress that the brilliant Michael Kors said looked like it come from the $24.98 bin. Indeed. Also, he didn't even bother to finish the hem!

Sweet P, I've determined, was definitely dropping a lot of acid in high school. In trying to remember her prom experience, she could only get out that she went to Catholic school herself, was sorta a bad girl...and then burst into a fit of strange giggles. It was, to say the least, awkward. Her dress, meanwhile, was one of the top two — a first for Sweet P.

Ricky, unsurprisingly, failed to make it through the episode without bursting into tears, and the waterworks started way before the judges told him his dress wasn't so good. Which yielded my very fashionable and very political friend Joanna to muse, "If Ricky can cry every week, why can't Hillary cry once?". Um, good point.

Victorya, in the bottom two last week, was the challenge winner, but I felt her win was sorta bittersweet since her client only picked her as the designer she wanted to work with because she had last pick in choosing designers. But her dress was cute (even though aren't bubble hems totally over?) and Nina loved it. And a smile from Nina is worth your weight in fabric from Mood on this show.

Chris March, who designed a rather tasteful puke green dress, asked the girls what they wanted to do with their lives. They all giggled and said, "Nothing! We just want to sit around all day!" and my heart broke 1,000 different ways. Then Chris mentioned that he spent his prom night at home by himself, watching old movies and getting drunk. Also, he told a joke to the room: "What would the Flintstones have been called if they were gay? [beat] Fags!" I love him more and more each week.

Last but not least, my fantasy lover Rami, who won last week's challenge, found himself facing the judges scrutiny for the first time ever. His defense? "I'm from Jerusalem. There is no prom there." Yeah, just war! Maybe if only Tim Gunn would tell the Israelis and the Palestinians to "make it work" we'd have peace in the Middle East at last?