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For Social Conservatives, Acceptance of Caitlyn Jenner Is the Apocalypse

The Washington Post has a pretty wonderful story today on how the right wing is reacting to Caitlyn Jenner: awkwardly, in the case of Republicans who’d like to be president someday, or, among pundits, with a full-on, “fling yourself on the floor, pee your pants, hurl your sippie cup and cry for mama”-style tantrum. » 6/05/15 12:50pm 6/05/15 12:50pm

Rick Santorum Is 'Sickened' By Josh Duggar Molestation Allegations

A week after molestation allegations against Josh Duggar came to light, Rick Santorum is speaking out on his feelings about the family that endorsed him for president in 2012 and about Josh Duggar’s actions in particular. And unlike Mike Huckabee, who happily bought into the “repentance” narrative, Santorum’s not so… » 5/28/15 1:15pm 5/28/15 1:15pm

LOL: Duggar Family Favorite Rick Santorum Is Running for President Again

After months of increasingly threatening-sounding emails to people who drunkenly signed up for his mailing list at CPAC, Rick Santorum is announcing today that he’s officially, really, for real, definitely going to waste a shitload of time and money going after a Republican Presidential nomination that he will fail to… » 5/27/15 2:10pm 5/27/15 2:10pm

Insane Lady at Rick Santorum Event: Obama Tried to Nuke Charleston

Because he has nothing better to do, shitty former Senator and hilarious former Presidential candidate Rick Santorum was at the South Carolina National Security Action summit today. Also at the summit was a retired schoolteacher named Virginia, whose rambling, spirited question to Santorum stretched for an incredible… » 3/18/15 6:30pm 3/18/15 6:30pm

America Still Loves the Unbreakable Hillary Clinton

According to a new Gallup poll, Hillary Clinton is owning the other potential 2016 Presidential contenders when it comes to favorability. Fortunately for Clinton, not enough people care enough about the fact that she also owned the server she used to send personal and professional emails back when she was Secretary of… » 3/13/15 2:30pm 3/13/15 2:30pm

Rick Santorum Uses Mandela's Death To Compare Obamacare to Apartheid

Rick Santorum threw in his two cents on Nelson Mandela's life and works yesterday when he told Bill O'Reilly that just as Mandela fought apartheid, so too does Rick Santorum fight Obamacare. Hoo boy. No. No, Rick Santorum. Obamacare is not like apartheid. That is not how analogies work. Not liking a thing doesn't… » 12/06/13 1:20pm 12/06/13 1:20pm

Abortion Ruins the Communal Shower Experience, Says Rick Santorum

Like an irritatingly tenacious but not particularly cool or tough Batman villain (Penguin), greasy uterine crusader Rick Santorum refuses to accept defeat. Normally, I'd recommend ignoring everything the man says on account of the fact that he's ridiculous/irrelevant, but every once in awhile, there's a spike in his… » 8/07/13 5:40pm 8/07/13 5:40pm

Drug-Resistant Super-Gonorrhea Laughs in the Face of Antibiotics

You know how gonorrhea has always been, like, the chillest STI ever? All, "Hey, man! It's me, gonorrhea! Listen, I'm going to be hanging around your junk for a few weeks, but I'll keep it quiet—no loud parties!—and then when things start to get weird, just pop some antibiots and I'm out, brah!" Gonorrhea knows when to… » 2/15/13 7:30pm 2/15/13 7:30pm

College Grad Rick Santorum Insists That Colleges ‘Indoctrinate’ Students Against Jesus

In the wee small hours of the morning, you no doubt find yourself wondering what happened to the motley cast of characters from the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary. Have they gone off to star in their own unsuccessful spin-offs or are they smoking meth with a vagrant named Dingo in a paddle boat drifting down the… » 1/20/13 2:00pm 1/20/13 2:00pm

GOP Senators Ensure Spots in Hell by Voting Down Rights of People with Disabilities

Earlier today, a clear majority of Senate GOP voted to block a treaty to ratify the U.N. Convention on the Rights of People with Disabilities. They did so in front of Bob Dole, the former Senate Majority Leader from Kansas, who arrived in his wheelchair on the Senate floor to support the treaty. BTW, the alternate… » 12/04/12 11:15pm 12/04/12 11:15pm

Rick Santorum Sometimes Kills Things He Loves, Says Rick Santorum

Frothy lunatic politician Rick Santorum has been serving as a sort of reluctant surrogate for his formal rival Mittens Romney since he finally conceded the Republican Presidential nomination earlier this year. But that doesn't mean he's gotten any less terrible, or delightfully insane. The latest gem from the mouth of… » 10/05/12 1:00pm 10/05/12 1:00pm

Everyone at This Hooters Is Terrible and I Will Die in My Hotel: Tales From Tampa

We've got a long history, Florida and I. Our paths keep crossing as if the fate of America's pregnant cabana accident capitol and I are somehow cosmically intertwined, and so naturally, when I found out that the Republican National Convention was being held in Florida this year, I knew I had to go. And that's how I… » 8/29/12 5:10pm 8/29/12 5:10pm

Apparently Someone Died and Made Rick Santorum Pope

Did you know that when Rick Santorum lost the Republican primary this spring, he became Pope of America? It's a little known clause in the Constitution that allows any crazy person who runs for President and wins at least one primary to declare themselves King of something as a consolation prize. Rick Santorum has… » 8/16/12 6:40pm 8/16/12 6:40pm