Former Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, like a lily fading to brown with the September breeze, finished with about 1 percent of the vote in last night’s Republican caucuses. That number does not include one of his own staffers, who didn’t really see the point in voting for him.
Welcome to You Still Here?, a new regular column on The Slot examining people you totally forgot were running for President.
Rick Santorum is, technically, still running for president. It’s understandable if you didn’t recall that fact. Nobody does.
Former Senator (and namesake of that frothy mixture of lube and feces that occurs during anal sex) Rick Santorum, who came in second during the 2012 GOP Presidential primary, is currently polling at 0 percent. How things change.
Straight Republican Presidential candidate and Urban Dictionary entry Rick Santorum was a guest on The Rachel Maddow Show last night, and spent a significant chunk of his interview talking about The Gays.
The Washington Post has a pretty wonderful story today on how the right wing is reacting to Caitlyn Jenner: awkwardly, in the case of Republicans who’d like to be president someday, or, among pundits, with a full-on, “fling yourself on the floor, pee your pants, hurl your sippie cup and cry for mama”-style tantrum.
A week after molestation allegations against Josh Duggar came to light, Rick Santorum is speaking out on his feelings about the family that endorsed him for president in 2012 and about Josh Duggar’s actions in particular. And unlike Mike Huckabee, who happily bought into the “repentance” narrative, Santorum’s not so…
After months of increasingly threatening-sounding emails to people who drunkenly signed up for his mailing list at CPAC, Rick Santorum is announcing today that he’s officially, really, for real, definitely going to waste a shitload of time and money going after a Republican Presidential nomination that he will fail to…
“If he says he’s a woman, then he’s a woman,” perennial presidential candidate Rick Santorum told Buzzfeed. The website asked Santorum about Jenner’s landmark interview during a roundtable Q&A at the South Carolina Republican Party Convention.
Because he has nothing better to do, shitty former Senator and hilarious former Presidential candidate Rick Santorum was at the South Carolina National Security Action summit today. Also at the summit was a retired schoolteacher named Virginia, whose rambling, spirited question to Santorum stretched for an incredible…
According to a new Gallup poll, Hillary Clinton is owning the other potential 2016 Presidential contenders when it comes to favorability. Fortunately for Clinton, not enough people care enough about the fact that she also owned the server she used to send personal and professional emails back when she was Secretary of…
2016's barreling down the tracks and you know what that means—time for the biennial reemergence of Rick Santorum, a sentient pile of crumpled-up anti-contraception pamphlets. He's back, and he'll have you know that he's had sex PLENTY of times. So choose Santorum, kids!
Rick Santorum threw in his two cents on Nelson Mandela's life and works yesterday when he told Bill O'Reilly that just as Mandela fought apartheid, so too does Rick Santorum fight Obamacare. Hoo boy. No. No, Rick Santorum. Obamacare is not like apartheid. That is not how analogies work. Not liking a thing doesn't…
Like an irritatingly tenacious but not particularly cool or tough Batman villain (Penguin), greasy uterine crusader Rick Santorum refuses to accept defeat. Normally, I'd recommend ignoring everything the man says on account of the fact that he's ridiculous/irrelevant, but every once in awhile, there's a spike in his…
You know how gonorrhea has always been, like, the chillest STI ever? All, "Hey, man! It's me, gonorrhea! Listen, I'm going to be hanging around your junk for a few weeks, but I'll keep it quiet—no loud parties!—and then when things start to get weird, just pop some antibiots and I'm out, brah!" Gonorrhea knows when to…
In the wee small hours of the morning, you no doubt find yourself wondering what happened to the motley cast of characters from the 2012 Republican Presidential Primary. Have they gone off to star in their own unsuccessful spin-offs or are they smoking meth with a vagrant named Dingo in a paddle boat drifting down the…
Earlier today, a clear majority of Senate GOP voted to block a treaty to ratify the U.N. Convention on the Rights of People with Disabilities. They did so in front of Bob Dole, the former Senate Majority Leader from Kansas, who arrived in his wheelchair on the Senate floor to support the treaty. BTW, the alternate…
Well, well, well, America. You're so much less awful than I thought. With horror stories of suppression and fuckery being whispered from Ohio to Florida, many nervous Obama voters braced for the worst yesterday, only to be rewarded with what basically amounts to the election equivalent of the pony they thought Santa…
Joyless ideologue Rick Santorum has written a hilarious book about the true meaning of FREEDOM and AMERICA and WHAT THE FOUNDING FATHERS REALLY MEANT when they said FREEDOM and AMERICA. And in true Rick Santorum fashion, he's got some harsh words for all you fatties out there who like lame shit like "happiness" and…
Frothy lunatic politician Rick Santorum has been serving as a sort of reluctant surrogate for his formal rival Mittens Romney since he finally conceded the Republican Presidential nomination earlier this year. But that doesn't mean he's gotten any less terrible, or delightfully insane. The latest gem from the mouth of…
