• Nicole Kidman was at the U.N. yesterday to urge governments to end violence against women around the globe. Such a worthy cause! (But is her face capable of emoting?) [E!]
  
• By the by, Nicole is looking waaay more pregnant. [Sydney Morning Herald]
  
• It's official: Beyoncé and Jay-Z filed their signed marriage license in Scarsdale, NY. The wedding date? April 4, duh. [People]
  
• "Amy Winehouse visits two pubs in London, tries to buy a kebab and is pissed because the shop is closed, smokes in a non-smoking store, steals a newspaper, arrives to her house at 4:00 AM, befriends 16 year-old girl, locks herself out and breaks in via the garage." [ONTD]
  
• Amy was smoking a "spliff" in a pub before all that started. Is a spliff in the UK the same thing it is in the US? [The Sun]
  
• Penguin publishing has offered Amy and Blake Incarcerated £1 million for a book about their stormy marriage. Raise your hand if you would read that. [The Sun]

• Hugh Jackman has given Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson his blessing. Not that they asked. But he is friends with X-Men costar Ryan. [People]
• Dita von Teese is the face — ambassador — of Cointreau. "I knew with [my] martini-glass act, I could eventually collaborate with a spirit brand but the opportunities that had come before just didn't seem like the right fit," she says. "And [Cointreau] is so historic and sophisticated and French." [W]
• Kathy Najimy? Seen dancing on a table at Butter? Kind of awesome. [Page Six]
• Dancing With The Stars' Cheryl Burke and Gerard Butler are not dating, but they are neighbors. "He actually lives in my apartment building, and we've been friends for a few months," she claims. Hmm, is that a regular denial or a protest-too-much denial? It's so hard to tell. [People]
• Singer John Legend might be dating ET host Maria Menounos. She annoys me. [Page Six]
• Is Barbra Streisand avoiding the 60th anniversary celebration in Israel (where she was scheduled to appear) because President Bush is going to be there? [Page Six]
• "We were shooting in Harlem, a scene where I smash the windshield of the car belonging to Tina's ex-boyfriend, who just dissed her in the club. It was 2 a.m., and everyone got their lawn chairs out and were cheering me on. They were screaming, 'You can do it! C'mon, Amy, smash that windshield!' " — Amy Poehler on filming Baby Mama. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which A-list actor with a long-suffering wife is not only a serial philanderer (we knew that) but a major cokehead (that's news!)? He makes bathroom trips every five minutes at his favorite L.A. club and likes to have a young woman seated on his lap." [Gatecrasher]
• Richie Sambora plea bargained his DUI case. The charge was dismissed and the prosecutors did not file child endangerment charges, even though Sambora's 10-year-old daughter was in the car when he was stopped. Sambora will pay a fine and be on three years probation. [TMZ]
• Yankee Alex Rodriguez and his wife welcomed a second child Monday night in Miami. [People]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI and CSI: Miami's Khandi Alexander will both be leaving their shows. [Concrete Loop]
• Daniel "Harry Potter" Radcliffe told an interviewer he was smitten with a woman he met at a party, though he didn't manage to get her name or number. Two Australian women have come forward, claiming to be the beautiful stranger in question. But! Radcliffe's rep says there was no girl, it was a joke. The rep should keep his mouth shut and let Dan go on a date. [Reuters]
• Kelly Brook and Billy Zane have broken up, not that you care. [Mirror]
• The bad buzz around Tom Cruise's Nazi movie, Valkyrie, continues. And, uh, the trailer — with its mix of British and American accents — and Tom, smiling with an eye patch on — is... Yeah. [NY Times]
• Eighty-two year old actress Patricia Neal, who starred in films like A Face in the Crowd, Hud and The Day the Earth Stood Still, will receive Lifetime Achievement Award from the Nashville Film Festival. [USA Today]
• Kelly Clarkson likes to walk around her house naked, even if her home is "filled with strangers for photo shoots or fittings." Since my clothes have been gone... I can breathe for the first time... [MSNBC]
• Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson: Secretly wed! [Page Six]

• Sam Ronson has "practically moved in" with Lindsay Lohan and "spends every night at Lindsay's" in an effort to "keep her out of trouble"? LOL! Lezbe friends — breast friends! [Page Six]
  
• Liz Taylor: Rushed to the hospital after mixing booze and pills. [Perez Hilton]
  
• Rob Lowe's nanny is claiming that he "exposed himself" to her. He also allegedly put his hand in her pants several times and grabbed her buttocks without her consent. Tsk, tsk. [People]
  
• Britney may release her video diaries, which contain rants about her family and friends as well as intimate info about Justin Timberlake and Kevin Federline and details on her feud with Christina Aguilera. It's tough to admit this but they sound kind of awesome. [Mirror]
  
• Sure, the audience booed Heather Mills at the Miss USA pageant — but producers hated her too. [Page Six]
  
• Bill Cosby is releasing a rap album. Repeat: Bill Cosby is releasing a rap album. [USA Today]

• Ashlee Simpson recap: Us and OK! are reporting that she is pregnant; Pete Wentz, who is sleeping with her, swears she is not. [Page Six]
• Oh, a source says Ashlee is due in October. [Rush & Molloy]
• We're not saying he has um, shortcomings, but everyone laughs at Patrick Dempsey when he wears his Spandex bike shorts, he says. [Page Six]
• Beyoncé's next album may be her last! [Rush & Molloy]
• Donald Trump is grumpy because he wanted Miss Oklahoma, Lindsey Jo Harrington, to win Miss USA — instead of Miss Texas, Crystle Stewart. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which now-washed up '90s TV star is exasperating his agent by putting all his sexual conquests in touch with the ten-percenter? He talks girls into bed by promising the agent will meet with them." [Gatecrasher]
• Some officers from the Laguna Beach Police Department don't think Richie Sambora endangered his 10-year-old daughter when he was busted for DUI on March 26, since there was no smell of alcohol on his breath and no dangerous or erratic driving. [TMZ]
• Then again, he might be charged with DUI and child endangerment, both as misdemeanors. [People]
• Click here to see a picture from Ivana Trump's wedding. The bride is wearing a pale pink beaded gown and maybe a tiara (?) and the groom is wearing white. [People]
• American Idol contestant David Cook will have his brother Adam, who has brain cancer, in the audience tonight. [People]
• Heidi Montag had a fashion show for her Anchor Blue line, Heidiwood. How did she choose her models? "The ones who looked the most like me won!" she says. Plastic surge FTW. [ET]
• Kate Moss's boyfriend Jamie Hince filmed a video in his hotel room and things got so raucous the police were called. Rock. Star. [Mirror]
• Sienna Miller's top slipped down while she was frolicking in the surf in Malibu. View the nip slip! [The Sun]
• As you may know, the Jolie-Pitt kids love junk food. "If Zahara wants ice cream for breakfast, she'll get it," a source says. Plus neither Angie nor Brad can cook. [MSNBC]
• JK Rowling says the Harry Potter characters she created are like her children. She also says the books saved her: "Not just in the very obvious material sense, although they did do that. I would have to say that there was a time when they saved my sanity." [CNN]
• Kate Hudson wants another baby. "I can't wait to have more. I'm at that place when I'm ready to have another one and Chris and I are not together. I'm like, 'Oh no! Uh-oh! I'm ready.'" [People]
• The tax evasion trial of Girls Gone Wild founded Joe Francis has been moved from Reno to Los Angeles. [USA Today]
• John Cusack's stalker will stand trial. Cusack has accused the woman of throwing a bag of love letters, rocks and screwdrivers over his home's fence. Um, screwdrivers? [Reuters]
• Janet Jackson's diet might be ruining her chances to conceive a fetus, says a random source. [Times Of India]
• Former Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker has tentatively settled a lawsuit against Rockstar energy drinks for using his picture to promote the product without his consent. [USA Today]
• Richard Gere has a cafe and bakery in the wealthy New York suburb of Bedford. The town has a rule that fences can be no higher than 4 feet; Gere's fence is 5 feet tall. Uh-oh. [Yahoo News]
• "Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites. The tabloid magazines are the same every week. People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as Us Weekly as Star magazine. They're exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time. They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience.They go after those girls who exhibit more outrageous behavior. And, believe me, those girls love it. They call in items themselves — that they were at Nobu, some nightclub in SoHo. I can't think of anything more horrible than that. Publicity can be a drug." — Joan Collins. [Page Six]

• Photographs of Angelina Jolie's (now) unborn babies could be worth a whopping $10 million. An editor who remains anonymous actually says: "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos." Hahahahahaha. No. [Page Six]
  
• By the by, People's issue with La Lopez twins sold between 2 and 3 million copies; Nicole Richie's cover sold 1.8 million; Christina Aguilera's sold 1.3 million. [ONTD]
  
• Russell Simmons and wife Kimora have filed for divorce — again. He filed in March 2006, but the proceedings never um, proceeded. In any case, since they have such intertwined careers and businesses, this should be interesting. [TMZ]
  
• They secretly went out two years ago, and now Matthew Perry has rekindled his relationship with Mean Girls actress Lizzy Caplan (she played Janis Ian). She's 13 years younger than he is and it's a "friends with benefits" type thing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Tina Fey wants Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, to be on 30 Rock. A skit involving Jack? Or Kenneth? [Page Six]
  
• Here's video of Ashley Dupre telling a Girls Gone Wild cameraman that she is over 18 and her name is Amber Arpalo. [TMZ]

• A jeweler says Jamie Lynn Spears' engagement ring is "very 1980s, with a yellow gold band." Aw, give the kid a break, she's 16! [E!]
• Ready, set, go: Patrick Dempsey will make an appearance Saturday at Gainsco Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead-Miami Speedway. [Miami Herald]
• Lily Allen introduced a clip on a BBC3 program: "It's my favourite. It's kegging, pulling someone's trousers down in public. Childish but very funny." Since the video showed a student pulling down a teacher's pants, the schoolboard people and Association of Teachers and so on are all apoplectic. [Mirror]
• The Diddy/Tupac kerfluffle that surfaced last week was an elaborate hoax cooked up by an "overweight white kid from Florida." LOL. [Page Six]
• The L.A. Times has apologized for using the forged documents in a story implicating Diddy in the Tupac assault. Their bad! [Yahoo News]
• Tommy Lee received a tattoo on a flight to Miami, helping the tattoo artist set a Guinness World Record. Uh, ink+needle+turbulence=disaster! [Page Six]
• There is a load of fake Heath Ledger memorabilia on the market, buyer beware. [News.com.au]
• Richie Sambora could face charges of child endangerment after being busted on a DUI charge Tuesday with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car. Cops say the vehicle was "weaving within lanes" before it was stopped and that Sambora had alcohol on his breath and failed all the field sobriety tests. [Rush & Molloy]
• One day after Dita Von Teese sued an adult-oriented trade show, claiming they owed her $50,000, they have paid up. Justice! [TMZ]
• An inquest has begun into the death of Corinne Bailey Rae's husband, who died Saturday of an apparent drug overdose. Jason Rae, 31, was a Scottish-born sax player whom Corinne (now 29) met in a jazz club where she worked as a coat-check girl. They got married in 2001. [People]
• David Beckham played a historic soccer, ahem, football match last night: He represented the England national team for the 100th time, becoming only the 5th player to ever reach the triple figure. Score! [People]
• Boxing champ and Dancing With The Stars alum Laila Ali is preggers! Her hubs is former NFL star Curtis Conway; he has three kids already but this is her first. Congrats! [People]
• Olivia Newton-John will walk the Great Wall of China for 21 days, in an effort to raise funds for cancer research. Good luck! [E!]
• Jessica Lange denies she had plastic surgery, despite a report in the National Enquirer. Well, now we need to see pictures. [Star Tribune]
• Artist Jeff Koons is being sued for overdue child support; he's failed to pay about $2.3 million, according to his ex-wife, La Cicciolina, an Italian porn star. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields is having surgery on her foot — an old dance injury. Ow. [Page Six]
• How do we feel about Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in the biopic directed by Oliver Stone? [Rush & Molloy]

• Anne Heche's estranged husband goes out on a limb and calls her "mentally unstable." [People.com]
  
• Consider yourself warned: Make faces at a dog, and the police may bust yo' ass. [ABC News]
  
• We take some solace in the fact that apparently we needn't worry about bald eagles... [CNN]
  
• ...Which is a good thing, because birds that roost near Rob Lowe in trouble. [USA Today]
  
• At last, a confirmed cause of death for 5,300-year old ice man Oetzi: Bled to death on a glacier. RIP at last, buddy. [BBC]
  
• Today in celebs entering rehab: Richie Sambora! Everyone, say "Hi, Richie!"!!!! [People.com]

• Brazilian illegal gambling games? Bad idea. Really bad idea. [NYT]
• New E. Coli cases linked to beef. That's why we're vegetarians, suckas! [CNN]
• Mother of a teenage girl? Lock her indoors! Marilyn Manson to start 25-city tour in July. [E!]

It's not that the celebrity weeklies think that you won't believe them - heaven forbid!

It's just that, well, when really interesting facts are thin on the ground (Is Demi pregnant? Dunno, but she's wearing Galliano today), you've got to run with what you have. Which is usually what they had for lunch, or how they blew their nose at 3.17pm precisely, as observed by a reporter parked across the bar from them.

All the weeklies had flacks chasing celebrity groupie and TREACHEROUS WHORE Denise Richards as she followed new love Richie Sambora on the Bon Jovi tour to Dublin. Unable to gain access to their bedroom to note how often, how long and in what positions, the reporters fall on back on the old staples - mundane overheards and menu lists.

At least Us Weekly managed to get them making out by the pool, but not before telling us the amazing story that:

"Richards, 35, began teasing Sambora, 46, about his sunburn. 'He was joking about it too, and she was cracking up,' says an onlooker."

HIlarious. I must say.

But don't worry, Us soon gets around to what you really want to know. That's right. What they ate for dinner while dining at the 'pricey' bistro Restaurant Patrick Guilbaud.

"While noshing on salmon, deep-fried capers and bois bourdon sauce, Richards and Sambora Joked about the eatery's 70-page-long wine list. Richards passed on dessert."

Ah. How sweet. Unless......

It's lies, all lies!

According to Star:

"The couple....ate at upscale Restaurant Patrick Guilbaud. Dining on sea bass and asparagus, and lamb with a caviar of eggplant and piquillo peppers, along with plenty of wine,"

Well? Which is it? Salmon or sea bass? Capers or lamb? Wine, or jokes?

Heads should roll over this.