• Madonna purchased a $40 million Upper East Side townhouse equipped with 13 bedrooms, nine fireplaces, and an elevator. She'll stay in her other NYC residence while she renovates her new fixer-upper. [New York Magazine]

• Shia LaBeouf is having a third surgery this month to repair his hand, which he injured in a car accident. "I've had screws and plates put in. They put a screw in one of my knuckles. And they shaved a piece of bone off my hip and made a [bone for my] finger out of it," he says. "My middle finger is still crooked as a fucking noodle, so they've gotta straighten it out and put a screw in it." [Entertainment Weekly]
• We already heard that Chris Brown denies having a new girlfriend. Now there are reports that he and Rihanna had an Easter weekend rendez-vous. [Perez Hilton]
• Here's a video of Dina Lohan dropping her daughter Lindsay Lohan off in front of a club. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West's arraignment on charges resulting from a fight with TMZ photographers has been postponed to May 20 so his lawyers can review the police report and additional evidence. [The New York Times]
• There's some confusing news on the Megan Fox-Brian Austin Green front. She says they are back together and are going to continue being engaged. However Megan says, "I'm not going to be married – I'm not the marrying type. I know people will say, ‘Why are you engaged if you're not the marrying type?'" She explains, "I am impulsive and I love my boyfriend, but I have no plans of getting married any time soon." [The Sun]
• Though Shawn Johnson's stalker is currently behind bars, her family has taken out a permanent restraining against Robert O'Ryan, who will have to stay 100 feet away from her for the next three years. [TMZ]
• Tori Spelling is denying that she has an eating disorder. "Oh my God, I'm not anorexic," she says. "I acknowledge that I look thin in photos. I get it." She adds: "Obviously I don't want to lose any more weight ... but people haven't seen me not pregnant in two and a half years. I'm eating healthy, I just have a crazy lifestyle." [People]
• Charlize Theron says anti-gay marriage laws are like apartheid in her native South Africa. "I don't like living in an elitist world, it bothers me. I don't want to be part of an elitist sexual preference. It bothers me, maybe it's because I come from a country where I lived under apartheid but this is a form of apartheid and I don't want to be a part of that," she says. "My ability to get married is a piece of me that I wish I could give to somebody who it would mean so much to. We should all have the chance. It's just so caveman, I can't believe we're still talking about it." [The Daily Express]
• Showtime has only renewed The Tudors for one more season. The series will conclude with season four, which will follow Henry's marriages to Catherine Howard and Catherine Parr. [The New York Times]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal, Maggie Smith and Rhys Ifans will star in the sequel Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang with Emma Thompson. [Variety]
• Richard Jenkins will star opposite Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love. [Variety]
• A bench warrant has been issued for Angie Everhart. She was supposed to appear in court on April 6 to pay a $50 fine in her DUI case, but she didn't show up. [TMZ]
• In the new GQ Evan Rachel Wood denies that she had a relationship with Mickey Rourke once again, saying, "There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying. The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird." There are also some shots of her with a gun. [Just Jared]
• The late Jade Goody's husband, Jack Tweed, is opening a restaurant in Essex that will bear her name. [Perez Hilton]
• Jade Goody's diary is being published, and in it she writes that she received a letter from the Queen's secretary. She wrote: 'I have been instructed to convey the Queen's warmest good wishes to Jade at what must be a very difficult time for her and her family." [The Telegraph]
• Mel B says she had a friend hypnotize her to get over her stage fright over her upcoming burlesque-style show in Las Vegas. "I was getting a bit nervous. My anxiety was getting to me," she says. "I was hypnotized to calm me down and it worked." [People]
• The civil trial over the car crash involving Nick Bollea, Hulk Hogan's son, is set for March 2010. [TampaBay.com]
• The woman who sent a death threat to David Caruso after writing him around 100 letters asking for his autograph has been sentenced to seven months in jail by an Austrian court. [Yahoo]
• Nicollette Sheridan and Desperate Housewives Creator Marc Cherry are sniping over her character's demise. She feels that he was ignoring her. "When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?" she says. Cherry says: "We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane. What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. Nicollette Sheridan] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before." [People]
• Rocky Hill, guitar player and brother of ZZ Top bass player Dusty Hill, died last Friday. Dusty disowned Rocky about five years ago when he insulted his wife and they never made up. [Radar]
• PETA has awarded Miley Cyrus its Compassionate Citizen Award because she took home chickens from the set of Hannah Montana: The Movie. Costar Jason Earles says: "Miley picked [the chicken] up thought it was real cute and decided she needed to save this chicken. So she put it in a cardboard box with some pine straw and got her mom to take it home. She is funny with animals - she was like ‘I have to have that chicken'. She falls in love like you wouldn't believe." [Just Jared]
• Eminem poses as the comic book character Punisher on the cover of the new XXL. He says of his three year hiatus: "I stayed up on the music, and obviously I watch TV and saw what was going on. And without naming any names, it just felt like hip-hop was going downhill. And it seemed like kinda fast. You know, in them three years, it was like everybody just cares about the hook and the beat; nobody really cares about substance. But with this new T.I. album, with this new Lil Wayne album of recent, it seems like things are looking a lot better now. You can appreciate Lil Wayne using different words to rhyme and actually rhyming words that you know. Or T.I., where you hear shit and you're like Whoa, ah, I wish I would have thought of that! You know what I mean? Or you hear all the compound-syllable rhyming and all that. It just seems like now the craft is getting cared about more." [XXL Magazine]

• Madonna is in Malawi, asking the court for approval to adopt a second child. [Times of London]
• Madonna's adoption ruling has been delayed until Friday; the court has not revealed why.

The child in question is four years old and named Mercy; her unmarried mother died soon after she was born. Madonna brought both Lourdes and David to Malawi with her and David visited with his biological father. "I was very happy to see him," the father told The Associated Press, adding that David did not recognize him. "He asked me who I was." [Yahoo via AP, Guardian]

• Madonna has purchased land in Malawi so she can build a school for girls. Some residents are afraid they will lose their homes and fields. [People]
• Save The Children is not happy about Madonna trying to adopt and a spokesperson says: "What Madonna is doing verges on a puppy parade. People like her are looking for the most beautiful child. They wouldn't choose a child with a disability or special needs. It doesn't help to take one child out of an orphanage to a huge palace and buy them a pony." [Mirror]
• Is a Russian model/pop star named Irson Kudikova about to get engaged to Mickey Rourke? [Page Six]
• Britney Spears had passed President Obama in Twitter Followers, taking the #2 spot (CNN Breaking News is number 1). She tweeted: "#2 People!!! You guys continue to make me SOOO happy! I truly have the best fans on the planet! CAN'T WAIT for TEXAS tomorrow… - Bri." Then Ashton Kutcher stole the #2 spot. [PopDirt]
• This report claims that Britney's Gulfstream jet is a mess: "The plane is stocked with Twinkies, beef jerky and M&Ms," says a source. "When she's done, she just throws the wrappers on the floor." Plus, there are two puppies adding to the chaos, who "scoot" around like crazy. [Star]
• Breaking: Victoria Beckham seen in flip-flops! [JustJared]
• Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael I, might join MJ on stage at the first of his London shows. That would certainly be… interesting. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Apparently Zac Efron's ears are dirty, because he was recently pelted with Q-Tips by a paparazzo. There's video, but chances are it will just make you sad. [ONTD]
• More Zac Efron ear wax news. What a world we live in. [TMZ]
• Rihanna went dancing and a spywitness says "It was like the queen of England was out clubbing. You couldn't even get anywhere near her, between the bodyguards and the people wanting to touch her. And it was so morbid, too — it's all because she was beaten." [E!]
• By the by, there is nothing going on between Rihanna and Frankie Delgado. But you knew that. [TMZ]
• Miley Cyrus cried upon winning Favorite Female Singer at the Kids' Choice Awards. "I really thought I was going to lose, so thank you, guys." [E!]
• Some are saying the crying was staged because Miley already knew she would be winning the award. She Tweets: "For all the haters saying I knew about my KCA before hand have nooo idea what they are talking about! I was so suprised! :) thank u again xo" [PopDirt]
• Neither Chris Brown nor Rihanna attended the Kids' Choice Awards. Rapper Soulja Boy was sad! "I was looking forward to seeing them here," he said. [Yahoo News via AP]
• A woman harassed Ricky Martin at a club in South Beach, where he and "several male friends" were trying to have a good time. [Gatecrasher]
• John Mayer works the short-shorts on his cruise, the "Mayercraft Carrier." [The Superficial]
• Mariah Carey was seen drinking glasses of red wine with a straw. Classy! [Gatecrasher]
• Lipstick Jungle is canceled. For real this time. [EW]
• Paris Hilton attended Perez Hilton's birthday Party in a convergence of things that seem so three years ago. [PopDirt]
• Fox is developing a dating show with "average-looking" people. By that, they mean overweight. It's called More To Love and the bachelor is a "Kevin James type." [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Fox News' Bill O'Reilly boycotts Sean Penn films. Think Sean Penn cares? [Yahoo via Reuters]
• Joely Richardson has returned to work, ten days after her sister Natasha died. [The Sun]
• Ugly Betty star Ana Ortiz is pregnant and expecting a baby girl at the end of July. She says: "I've had a great experience so far. Talk to me in another month." [People]
• Amy Winehouse is a thumbsucker. [People]
• Yes, the ShamWow guy punched a prostitute. Police say "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons." [The Smoking Gun, Hollywood Rag]
• Monsters vs. Aliens scared up $58.2 million at the box office; big numbers. [USA Today]
• But one of the reasons Monsters vs. Aliens made so much? 3-D tickets cost more. [NY Times]
• Rhys Ifans has been cast in the next Harry Potter flick; he'll play Xenophilius Lovegood. [Daily Express]
• RIP composer Maurice Jarre, who wrote the music for Doctor Zhivago and Lawrence Of Arabia. [Independent]
• Blind item! "Which top actor got caught with his pants down in a club's closet with two very unattractive women, which his friends all proceeded to laugh at?" [Gatecrasher]
• "I was assuming that [my character's days were numbered] at one point and I got a lot of shrugged shoulders and shakes of the head, so I don't know if that's a yes or a no. No one will tell me and I don't know how this is going to go. I don't know if I live or die. I don't know how Izzie fares." — Katherine Heigl. [E!]
• "In the film we made penises, and I'm walking around them — we have made them more or less the same dimensions, but there are bug penises, giraffe penises, goat penises. They are like a forest of penises. … I was already playing a starfish, or a bug. I thought that stretch was much bigger, to be a sea creature than to play a male! But the real reason is sometimes [males] move more. For example, the female spider sits on the web, and she is three to five times bigger than the male, so he has to approach her. I was reluctant to do mammals, because they look so similar to us. But what's interesting about the whale is the female puts her vagina on the surface of the water, out of the reach of the male. Then she can see the males fight and she can select which one she likes, and then she turns over and lets him get to her. I thought, I can do that!" — Isabella Rossellini, on playing the parts of animals, in her web series Green Porno. [NY Post]
• "I'm looking forward to knowing what's going on - I still have no clue. The only thing I ever got right was the island moving, which was pretty good. But that's it. I don't know what the story is or where we will end up." — Josh Holloway, aka Sawyer, of Lost. He also says when the show ends he will get a haircut: "One of our camera operators had a beautiful Mohawk. I've always wanted one." [The Sun]
• "Rule one – you don't play on the snooker table unless you've been asked. And, secondly, you never, ever, take the shepherd's pie unless Keith Richards' broken the crust first." — Mick Jagger, on touring with the Rolling Stones. [The Sun]
• "My first bra was not very exciting. I was a late bloomer-the last of my girlfriends to get one. It was this horrible training bra-type thing, but it prompted me to save my money and buy my own darn bra. My mom was like, ‘You can't have the black lace one.' And I was like, ‘Why not?' I've never equated beautiful lingerie with seduction or sex. It's not about trying to get a man. Not at all. It's about surrounding myself with beauty in my everyday life-whether it's a bra or a notebook. I want everything around me to be attractive because I look at it every day." — Dita Von Teese. [JustJared]
• "The biggest misconception about me is that I am not a real person. The assumption is that my eccentricity is not who I really am, but it is. I have lost my mind." — Lady GaGa. [NY Mag]

• Michael Phelps isn't really looking for a girlfriend. "I am 23 now and if I went out with a girl she wouldn’t see much of me until I get past 30," he explains. That's just silly! Ladies see plenty of you. When you're wearing a swimsuit. [Daily Express]
• David and Victoria Beckham's "car crash" was actually just a car that got all scratched and jacked up when it was left parked at the airport. Posh's rep says: "There was no car crash." [Perez Hilton]
• Barack Obama has asked Jennifer Hudson to sing the national anthem on Thursday at the Democratic National Convention before his address. She is "thrilled" and "excited." [People]
• Was "vote or die" Diddy asked not to come to the DNC? [MSNBC]
• Oh, dear: Justin "I'm A Mac" Long seen kissing Kirsten Dunst. [Rush & Molloy]
• More barftastic car crash terrible can't-look-away Heidi Montag video pix. Sorry. [ONTD]

• Countess LuAnn de Lesseps of The Real Housewives of NYC got drunk at a wedding, knocked over a drumset, tried to make out with married men and grabbed crotches… or did she? Truth or smear campaign? [Page Six]
• Victoria's Secret model Alessandra Ambrosio is shopping pix of her newborn, Anja Louise, born Sunday in Brazil. Proceeds go to the Multiple Sclerosis Children's Fund. Any takers? [Page Six]
• Janeane Garofalo played Lauren Conrad in a staged reading of The Hills? Genius. [L.A. Times]
• Britney Spears' SUV took a wrong turn and ended up in L.A.'s Sunset Junction street fair, aka Hipster Central. She got out of there real quick. [E!]
• Courteney Cox was involved in a car crash while on vacation in Hawaii. She was driving a white BMW which collided with a red truck on Saturday. No one was injured. [Daily Mail]
• How does Paula Abdul feel about the new American Idol judge? "I am concerned about the audience and acceptance," she says. "Time will tell. We’ll see. [It's] going to be weird if it’s a split decision. I’m sure Simon will get to make the final [judgment]. [But that] takes the fun out of all the hard work I do to push those kids through." [MSNBC]
• Um, Rhys Ifans is in a band? Called The Peth? And their first single is called "Let's Go Fucking Mental"? And the video is of Rhys' colonoscopy? You can see it here. [Perez Hilton]
• Whee! Cloris Leachman and Susan Lucci to be on Dancing With The Stars! (Also: Kim Kardashian, Lance Bass, Toni Braxton, Misty May-Treanor and track star Maurice Green.) [Reuters]
• Madonna had to stop going to her gym because of "noise, leering, crude comments and wolf whistles of builders working nearby." Effing hell. [Mirror]
• Pam Anderson revelations: When asked "boobs or legs?" she says she is "more of a leg person" (?!?!?!) and when questioned about bikini waxing says, "I have not waxed anything in my entire life. An eyebrow, not an anything. I have never ever done that. It sounds too painful." [News.com.au]
• Spike Lee is upset with the people who think Barack Obama is not black enough. "I go by the 'one-drop rule.' One drop [of black blood], and you're black. The truth is, every African-American is biracial. Go back far enough, and you'll find the massah was in the slave quarters. You can't be black and go to Harvard Law School? You can't be black and be articulate?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Heath Ledger's uncle has failed to have his charges of receiving stolen goods dealt with and faces up to 14 years in jail. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• In a quest for relevance, Jessica Simpson has joined the Country Music Association. She gets special-rate health insurance and can vote in upcoming CMA Award nominations. Anyway, her album, Do You Know, comes out September 9 and Dolly Parton duets on the title track; after that you can go back to not caring about Jess. [Yahoo News]
• Kate Hudson is being sued by some scientists who claim she took their hair-care secret ingredient and gave it to a competitor. Something about volcanic ashes and flyaways. [The Root]
• Shannen Doherty is having fun shooting the new 90210: "It's been a really nice experience…We already have our little inside jokes." And! Lori Loughlin and Rob Estes play parents who are not like your usual sitcom couple. Estes says: "It's not a mom and dad who are home eating bon bons. It's a couple who's fucking! We'll clear the kitchen so fast, you don't know what to do with yourself." [Perez Hilton]
• OMG remember the 90210 action figures dolls? [Black Book]
• Yesterday reports claimed that Snoop Dogg was getting a visa to tour in Australia despite his criminal record; today officials are "rethinking" giving him permission to enter the country. He could be counseled before arrival and given strict behavior rules to abide by while down under. [Reuters]
• Harry Potter studio Warner Bros is suing Bollywood producers over a flick called Hari Puttar. [Telegraph]
• Actress Sophie Monk was seen walking out of a KFC in Hollywood with bags filled with food — she's bragged in the past about being a vegetarian and criticized KFC eaters, saying: "I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you." [News.com.au]
• Salman Rushdie's former bodyguard is apologizing over allegations he made regarding Rushdie's former marriage. [Independent]
• Trisha Yearwood survived a plane emergency: Her aircraft's window cracked at 30,000 feet. They never lost cabin pressure, fortunately. [People]
• "I think The Osbournes, to a degree, tarnished the public's perception of my dad as a bit of a senile, funny, bumbling guy. Yeah, my dad can be that guy, but it's not him. I think that almost discredited him as an artist. My dad's not an idiot — he's nothing short of a genius, in my opinion." — Jack Osbourne, who is producing a documentary on Ozzy. [Rolling Stone]
• RIP Aaliyah, who died this day in 2001. [The.Life Files]

• Did John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston break up? Sources say she's been dumped. Gah! An unnamed, possibly non-trustworthy, totally random source says: "John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together." Is it a good or a bad thing? And how long will we have to hear the "desperate single" gossip about Jen? [Mirror]
• Britney and her sons are wearing white on the cover of OK!. And she, uh, doesn't want Jayden and Preston to have careers in showbiz. "But but I’d love them unconditionally if they wanted to. I’d just as soon they have a more normal childhood," she says. Is it "normal" to be on the cover of a trashy tabloid with your weave-wearing mom? (More in Midweek Madness!) [MSNBC]
• Britney went to a party! And her dad went with her! And she didn't drink! And people say she looked good! [E!]
• Madonna and Guy Ritchie are "on the very cusp" of adopting a little girl from Malawi. Her name is Mercy and Madonna "fell in love" with her at an orphanage last year. [The Sun]

• Meanwhile, Guy Ritchie has been doing ju-jitsu with Jason Statham. "I've been fighting Guy in his garage in L.A.," Jason says. "We're killing each other. That's another of my passions, strangling friends." Why does he make it sound so hot? [Mirror]
• Lily Allen is back with ex-boyfriend Ed Simons but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [The Sun]
• Rhys Ifans is back with Kim Stewart but by the time you read this they may be broken up again. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse is finally settling down to work on an album, which she hopes to finish by the time Blake Incarcerated gets out. We'll believe it when he hear it. [The Sun]
• Oh, dear. In a survey of 3,500 Britons, the number one celebrity people had nightmares about was Amy Winehouse. [The Star]
• Officials have released the news that the cause of death for Isaac Hayes was a stroke. The saddest sentence ever: "Family members found Hayes lying on the floor of his home beside a treadmill that was still switched on." [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman's directorial debut, Eve, is a 17-minute film described as "a civilized comedy." Opening at the Venice Film Festival, it stars Lauren Bacall and Ben Gazzara. Wanna see! [Yahoo News]
• Oh lord. Here we go again. George Clooney says: "I have never texted or emailed Senator Obama. And I'll offer a million dollars to anyone who could prove otherwise. In fact, I've only talked to the Senator once in the last year and a half… on the phone." WTF. This is the same thing that happened with Scarlett Johannson. We just heard that George was giving Barack tips on policy! Does this mean that the Daily Mail lied? Are we not to believe everything we read? [Yahoo News]
• Nicole Kidman brought her one month old daughter to her movie set. Working mom! [Star]
• Blake Lively's nose job seems to have occurred sometime in 2006. Plus, she says: "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff that I've done for TV or movies. I know — I'm weird!" [LA Times]
• Chris Martin joked about dating other women on Japanese TV, saying, "Thankfully, my wife is over 1,000 miles away." [Mirror]
• Is Tom Cruise's career in the shitter? [Page Six]
• Julianne Moore is a stone cold fox in shots for Wonderland magazine. She talks about always being nekkid in flicks: "People ask all the time if sex scenes and nudity are hard. What’s hard? Not the lines or the physicality, but the emotion." [Daily Mail]
• Does Ryan Adams want Mandy Moore back? [Gawker]
• The fantastic Ellen Burstyn is coming to Law & Order SVU as Stabler's mom! [EW.com]
• Adrian Grenier and Isabel Lucas (aka Shia LaBeouf's car crash costar): Dunzo. [Yahoo News]
• Tori Spelling won't be on 90210 after all. Jennie Garth=sad. "I'm really bummed because I love Tori and I was psyched Tori was going to be on the show. I think she should definitely get paid as much as either of us is getting paid. Her father created the show. It just seems wrong if that’s the case. I don’t know what really happened… I don’t know if it’s about the money." [EW.com]
• Mark Consuelos will perform the ceremony in the marriage of Howard Stern to Beth Ostrosky. Uh… [Fox News]
• Dane Cook is not alone in hating the poster for his own movie. It's dumb and ugly. And a Photoshop of Horrors. [People]
• A Kylie and Dannii Minogue duet of an ABBA song is the campiest thing I can think of without picturing Liberace. [The Sun]
• Shania Twain is "progressing" and "working hard" to get over her split from her husband of 14 years. Breakup advice, anyone? [People]
• Janet Jackson's set list for her upcoming tour: Yes, "Nasty" is included. [Perez Hilton]
• "It was fantastic to do that album. Not only live with that music that I love everyday, but I just worked with such wonderful musicians who are so talented. I would love to do another album. Right now, though, I'd like to focus on developing something to direct." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z may use is 40/40 club to take over Las Vegas. [Page Six]
• Adam West, aka Batman, might be on Dancing With The Stars. [Page Six]
• Paris Hilton is being sued for not doing enough publicity for a sorority film she was in, National Lampoon's Pledge This! Maybe she was doing them a favor? [AP]
• Now that he's a dad, Clay Aiken is returning to Spamalot, so he can make cash for his baby. The kid's name is Parker Foster Aiken. Unrelated: The pic of Clay makes me shudder. [USA Today]
• Bernie Brillstein, a Hollywood manager and producer, died last week. At a tribute Monday night, Jennifer Aniston, Rob Loew and Kermit The Frog attended. [E!]
• "I hate blogs but I love mine. Cause I can be F-in REAL with people!!!! I wanna make a difference in a good way even if that means speaking my mind. people might take offense to it but whatev. First of all lets address my 'voting" comment- first of all opinions are like (you know whats)-everyone has one. I decided to make a very blunt comment. Notice how i said "I know IIIIII couldn't do it cause I'd be pms-ing and freaking out all the time" ....Honestly I'd LOVE to meet a woman with NO emotional problems....but thats not the point...but its true. LOL Second- Only 54 percent of eligible american voters cast their ballots!!!!!! Half of them are only voting cause its "cool " to vote for so and so...they aren't even up to date on information. I'M personally not up to date on the facts, so I don't wanna make a stupid choice for our country. I WANT to vote but only when I know exactly whats going on. More ppl should think like that. Paris Hilton said "yaaaay go vote cause its cool and hott!!!!" ...SHE WASN'T EVEN REGISTERED. seriously." — Brooke Hogan. [ONTD]

• Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to kicking and spitting at police officers after screaming foul words at a British Airways employee. Naomi was heard on the phone saying: "They have lost my fucking bags, get me another flight, get the press, get me my lawyer." What? Like you don't say that all the time. Please. [The Sun]
• Didja hear? Jamie Lynn Spears squeezed out a daughter named Maddie Briann yesterday. Good luck, kid! Er, kids. [E!]
• Not that you needed to know this but: JLS didn't have a C-section. [ET]
• Casey Aldridge was so nervous the first time he held his new daughter — birthed by girlfriend Jamie Lynn Spears — that he said he was afraid he's drop her. Aw. [TMZ]
• "[Jamie Lynn] is awfully young to be a momma, but that's what they make [grandmothers] for. They have to help. That's the way it is with our circle of friends." —JLS's distant cousin Margie Busby. [People]
• Britney might move back to Louisiana. [Us]
• Snoop Dogg's new country video is out! "Country music is the most underrated music in the world," Snoop, who dedicates the song to Johnny Cash, says. "It always has the test of time, it's great, it's heartfelt, and it touches people no matter what color they are or where they're from." [People]

• Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital. [People]
• Tom Cruise is introducing David Beckham and Will Smith to fencing. Or, as this paper notes, they play with their swords together. [Mirror]
• Would you look at Will Smith's son, Jaden, 9, surrounded by blondes? [E!]
• Rhys Ifans is "heartbroken" after his split with Sienna Miller, which is why he got loaded and threw a beer bottle at photographers. Or maybe they were harassing him. [The Sun]
• Holy crap! After 14 years, is there a song from the Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy? [E!]
• OMG OMG Match Game is coming back? Seriously, I watch the old episodes on GSN and it is the best thing ever conceived. Drunk celebrities making sexual innuendos and double entendres. Bret Sommers, Richard Dawson, Charles Nelson Reilly. And that skinny mic Gene Rayburn rocks! It's corny, it's genius. Watch this. Or this. Oh! Anyway: Sarah Silverman, Norm MacDonald and Rashida Jones will be on the new version. [ONTD]
• Katie Holmes's Broadway play is bumping Mario Lopez's Broadway musical from its theater. Are we living in a parallel dimension where such a sentence makes sense? [ONTD]
• Janice Dickinson: Seen wearing an eyepatch and throwing water on a paparazzi. These TMZ dudes are jerks, huh? They just stalk and harass celebs till something happens and then post the video as "news." [TMZ]
• If you know who Charlotte Church is, you may care that she is pregnant with her second child. [The Sun]
• Oh no! The H, A, and N on this Hancock billboard in London were added last. Meaning, for a period of time, the sign read COCK. [The Sun]
• In Pete Doherty's new YouTube video, he films himself while taking a bath. What? At least he's clean. [The Sun]
• Molly Sims' dog ate so much sand it had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Socialite Tinsley Mortimer is apparently too boring to get her own MTV show. [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's bff Gayle King likes James Frey's new book, ha ha. [Page Six]
• Twin models walked off the set of Catherine Zeta-Jones's new movie The Rebound because they didn't want to wear skimpy bathing suits, yawn. [Page Six]
• Is there trouble in paradise for Ivana Trump and her new hubby? He didn't go with her to England's Royal Ascot races or to a slew of parties in Saint-Tropez. What the hell is wrong with him? Hanging with Ivana sounds fun. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven hit on Megan Fox at a party and promptly struck out. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z's new glasses are reminiscent of Raj from What's Happening!!. [The.Life Files]

(What would even possess someone to cast Lohan in a Welsh WWII period piece about a poet?) (A deranged sense of humor, sure, but!) Also I know I should have known this but I did not realize that Sienna Miller's mom had been David Bowie's secretary. Otherwise Elle is boring save for Chloe Sevigny's assertion that clear plastic bra straps are "tacky," because obviously, Chloe calling anything tacky is pretty awesome.

• Nicole Richie and Joel Madden did not get married this weekend, despite reports by Star magazine that they were having a $2 million wedding. But! Joel did post fake wedding pictures on his band's blog with a message that read: "I've been getting calls and texts from my family all week asking me why they weren't invited to my wedding. I guess the only answer I could give them was that I didn't know we were having one." In the pix, he and Nicole are gorillas. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse agreed to sing at the party of a Russian billionaire, but when she showed up in Moscow, she was "in no condition" to appear on stage. Organizers spent two hours trying to pull her together, and a source says "she put on a terrific show." [Rush & Molloy]
• You may have heard that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama have an e-mail relationship: But did you know that Scarlett's brother Hunter works for the senator? [Page Six]
• M.I.A., whom this paper calls a "lady rapper," is engaged! Check out her bling. [Rush & Molloy]
• Tim Russert's heart was enlarged. [People]

• Ashanti says that she and Nelly are "good friends," who might get engaged in the future. [People]
• Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong: Hanging out in Canada, where Lance was in a fund-raising bike ride. [People]
• NCIS actress Pauley Perrette is asking the public to help find her missing friend. "Her purse was found at one end of Runyon Canyon with all the contents in it; her jewelry was found in another part of Runyon Canyon," says Perrette. [E!]
• This picture of David Beckham talking to Didier Mbenga of the L.A. Lakers is high-larious. [ONTD]
• Has Lily Allen given up partying??? [Mirror]
• Princess Eugenie: Seen frolicking naked on school grounds. [Daily Mail]
• Snoop Dogg's wife was busted for DUI over the weekend, and from the looks of her mugshot, she was wasted! [TMZ]
• Kid Rock was hospitalized for stomach cramps and dehydration over the weekend. [TMZ]
• At her baby shower, pregnant 24 actress Mary Lynn Rajskub jumped into the swimming pool to beat the heat. [People]
• Mary-Louise Parker broke her toe during a love scene for Weeds. "I smashed it on the bed frame," she says. [People]
• Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were both in Vegas over the weekend, though they apparently didn't run into each other. Kev was honored as Father Of The Year; Brit had father's day dinner with her dad. Where were the kids? [People]
• Sean Connery was in the hospital Friday for a fractured ankle he suffered while playing golf. How does that happen? Don't you just hit the ball as far as you can and then get in a little car and chase it? [Star]
• A Hindu leader wants Mike Meyer's new movie, The Love Guru, to have an NC-17 rating. Says Bhavna Shinde: "From the information available about the movie, it appears to be mocking and ridiculing Hinduism, Hindu philosophy, ashram life, Hindu concepts and terminology, Gurus, etc. Cinema is a powerful medium and it can create stereotypes in the minds of some audiences, especially in the minds of younger audiences, who are passing through an impressionable phase." [Punjab Newsline]
• Is actor Michael Madsen is being a total pain in the ass on his new movie? [Rush & Molloy]
• What are all of the kids from the School Of Rock now? Find out! [ONTD]
• Legendary actor Richard Dreyfuss: Seem "ogling the bare-breasted talent" at Larry Flynt's Hustler Club. [Page Six]
• Is anyone sorta curious about Kit Kittredge: An American Girl'? Starring Abigail Breslin? At the premiere, Abigail said, "I'm excited to see all the girls, and welcome the boys who come too!" Boys? Really? [ET]
• Keira Knightley's mom says Keira is not anorexic, and that she "eats like a horse." "She has always been thin. She's her daddy's daughter, with his long body." [The Sun]
• The Sun has apologized for a false story it printed about Rhys Ifans punching Sienna Miller's friend and co-star Matthew Rhys. [The Sun]
• Dr. Oz from Oprah — getting his own show. [UPI]
• Does Hugh Laurie have a Burger King Gold Card? Does he get limitless supply of free burgers? Do all celebs get one? So. Jealous. Hate to miss a Whopportnity. [ONTD]

• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans: DUNZO! He was jealous, they were doing the long distance thing, it's over. She did the dumping. [The Sun]
• "I dyed my hair pink this afternoon in my own bathroom." — Lily Allen, at the Glamour Women Of The Year Awards last night. It looks cute! [E!]
• Whoops. Lily got so drunk she had to be carried out of the awards by a bouncer. Two words: Open bar. [The Sun]
• More pix of Lily being carried out: Love the way she clutches her award. [This Is London]
• "It started out as a tea party and wound up like a women’s prison movie. There were shivs out on the table." — Rosie O'Donnell, on The View. [Fox News]
• Remember Adnan Ghalib, the dude who squired Britney for a spell? He received death threats after attempting to sell a sex tape starring Brit. Oh, and he was stabbed after a video of you-know-who doing a striptease was set to hit the web. "I'm taking a break from the industry and keeping a low profile," he says. Good idea. [The Sun]

• Josh Waring, son of The Real Housewives of Orange County star Lauri Waring: Arrested in front of a Comfort Inn in Laguna Beach Sunday night for possession of heroin and ecstasy and intent to sell. You stay classy, OC! [TMZ]
• It's been five days since Entertainment Tonight reported that Angelina Jolie gave birth to twins. No retraction has aired. Someone is in deep denial. [NY Times]
• Sarah Larson is "moving forward" after breaking up with George Clooney. Which other way is there to go? [People]
• Jay Leno will attend a gay marriage celebration and rally today in West Hollywood. Cool! But what about when he asked Ryan Phillippe to make his "gayest face"? That wasn't cool. [E!]
• Hulk Hogan's son Nick will remain in solitary confinement, despite a motion filed by his lawyers calling the imprisonment "cruel and unusual punishment."
• Ed McMahon's home is on the verge of foreclosure? He needs the Prize Patrol! [AP]
• Robert De Niro may have to dismantle the penthouse on top of his new Tribeca hotel, boo. [Rush & Molloy]
• Lezebel plots on Gossip Girl? "All the guys and girls have already hooked up with each other," Nicole Fiscella (Isabel) says. "There's nowhere left to go!" [Rush & Molloy]
• Perez Hilton vs. Samantha Ronson: Advantage Perez. For the second time in seven months, a judge has thrown out Sam's libel lawsuit against the blogger. [E!]
• BTW, Perez wants to do "whatever it takes" to save the music industry. [AdAge]
• RIP actor Mel Ferrer — who also produced and directed movies starring then-wife Audrey Hepburn. [USA Today]
• Sean Levert's widow has filed a wrongful death lawsuit against the officials who held him in jail when he fell ill. [Yahoo News]
• George Lucas's daughter Amanda does MMA! You know, mixed martial arts? Like UFC? Anyone? [Perez Hilton]
• Christie Brinkley's divorce trial begins July 2. Her husband had an affair with a teenager, you guys. [People]
• Steve-O has pleaded guilty to cocaine possession. He'll avoid jail if he completes rehab. And snorts wasabi. No, just the first one. [People]
• John Mayer was pulled over in West Hollywood for a missing license plate. He was waiting on the world light to change. [E!]
• Have you seen the trailer for the new Angelina Jolie movie, Wanted? James McAvoy is hot; Angie is fierce, Morgan Freeman is the same guy he always plays. [Just Jared]
• Freak ferris wheel accident on the set of the Hannah Montana movie! [TMZ]
• Is Cameron Diaz dating Jennifer Aniston's ex? She was seen having dinner with Paul Sculfor, a "model" with whom Jen had been acquainted. [The Sun]
• Has Madonna secretly been working on a memoir coming out in July???? [Mediabistro]
• Ethan Hawke and his pregnant fiancée, Ryan Shawhughes: Seen applying for a marriage license. [Page Six]
• Ryan Seacrest's new reality show: Momma's Boys. He's looking for guys who have a "unique and strong relationship" with their mothers. One can only imagine. [Page Six]
• The dude who held up Lost star Josh Holloway and his wife at gunpoint was sentenced to 13 to 30 years in prison. You can't steal Sawyer's hotness, yo. [E!]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch has appealed his tax evasion conviction to the U.S. Supreme Court. Dude. Pay your taxes. [AP]
• The new 90210 will be filmed at Torrance High School, the same one used for the original West Beverly High. [E!]
• Meet the naked neighbor from Sex And The City: Gilles Marini, aka Dante. [E!]
• Speaking of SATC, a bunch of stuff got cut: Steve's mom was supposed to die; Harry Goldenblatt was supposed to have a storyline involving a 21-year-old braless nanny; Aidan had an "amazing" scene. [MollyGood]
• Bike messenger to Ellen Barkin: "You look hot, lady." [Page Six]
• "I really enjoy having sex, and that’s offensive to some people. Women are the quickest to call other women sluts, which I think is sad. I haven’t met a lot of men who have said, 'You like having sex? What a dirty whore you are.' I’m young and have a lot of hormones—I’m always in the mood! But I like sex with one person when I’m in a relationship. Sex with random people who I’ve met at clubs is not really my thing." — Megan Fox. [E!]
• "I'm a hypochondriac. I'm not allowed to watch medical TV shows. [Once], I was worried that I was going to step on glass, so I wore shoes even in my bed . . . I thought I had bird flu, so for a long time I wouldn't go near any birds." — Oscar-nominated actress Abigail Breslin. [Page Six]

• Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson: Engaged??? Apparently she has a huge new rock on her finger. A source says, "He picked out the ring and went for the biggest one he could find. He was nervous about proposing but Kate was thrilled and the whole thing was really emotional." Guess Owen's rough times are over? [The Sun]
  
• John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston spent another weekend together in Miami, eating salads poolside and making out. [People]
  
• Jenna Bush got married. [People]
  
• Dennis Farina was arrested at LAX for carrying a loaded, unregistered, .22 caliber, semi-automatic pistol in his briefcase. Farina is a former cop but, uh, you can't bring a gun on a plane. [Reuters]
  
• Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus to pose for Playboy. When she's old enough. This is what happens. Don't you feel like weeping? [The Sun]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen crying at Crown Bar in West Hollywood after a fight with girlfriend Sam Ronson, awwww. [Page Six]
  
• But LL was all smiles when she worked the crowd at the Wango Tango concert and introduced Snoop Dogg. When I say Wango you say Tango! [TMZ]

• Britain's "Most Annoying Couple," Katie Price (aka Jordan) and husband Peter Andre, are moving to the US. Prepare yourself! [Rush & Molloy]
• Leonardo di Caprio and his mom arrived at an art show via bicycle. Carbon footprint be damned! [Page Six]
• Bono celebrated his 48th birthday simply: With dinner, cake and champagne for 12 on Friday night. In attendance: Brad Pitt, Monaco's Prince Albert II and The Edge. So down to earth! [People]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali recently filmed a documentary series, Spain... On The Road Again in which they travel through España eating, cooking and sightseeing. The show will air on PBS in the fall but there's a preview here. Apparently the formerly macrobiotic Paltrow is a "really good eater." [People]
• Gwyneth may adopt her next child because being pregnant made her feel "like a zombie." She says, "I was so ill, everything disgusted me! I wasn't able to eat or smell anything." She says "an American oprhan" would be an option. Though she could copy her bff Madonna. [Mirror]
• Blind item! "Which executive producer and creator of two hit TV comedy series doesn't do his own work? Laments one insider: 'He's content to sit back and let everyone do the writing for him when they're supposed to be his shows.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• Suge Knight got in a fight at Hollywood nightclub and was knocked out cold for three minutes. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were granted a preliminary divorce by a London judge, bringing us all one step closer to never having to hear about it again. [People]
• A chick won Survivor! [E!]
• Ellen turned 50 on January 26, but had a delayed celebration over the weekend due to the writers' strike. Her party was carnival and casino-themed and newlyweds Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Tom Hanks, Lindsay Lohan, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton and Clive Davis were in attendance. [E!]
• Madonna had to travel 37 miles from her home in London to a concert in Kent, so she went via helicopter, of course. [Mirror]
• Plus: Madonna used the F word twice during the Radio 1 Big Weekend gig, which was being broadcast live on BBC3, BBC HD and Radio 1. Whoops! [The Sun]
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes baby-sat the Beckham boys while Posh went to London to work on her clothing line and David had a soccer game. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley canceled a photo shoot for a vodka brand so now the rumor is that she is pregnant, sigh. [Mirror]
• David Sedaris once paid sister Amy 10¢ for a chicken leg at a family dinner when they were kids. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills has joined the cast of Into The Blue 2, sequel to the Jessica Alba flick. Should be awesome. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Stop, drop, shut 'em down, open up shop: Cops raided the home of rapper DMX and he's been arrested (again) on suspicion of animal cruelty and drug possession. [Mirror]
• It's official: Jimmy Fallon will replace Conan O'Brien on Late Night. Let the uncontrolled giggling begin! [NY Times]
• Hayden Panettiere has "lez lust" for Angelina Jolie. [The Sun]
• William Shatner is finally talking about his feud with Star Trek costar Leonard Nimoy: "He thought I was a real son of a bitch," Captain Kirk says. [Mirror]
• Neverland Ranch has been saved from foreclosure! Michael Jackson says that the property loan was sold to Colony Capital, a large real estate investment firm. [Reuters]
• Singer Neil Young has been honored by an East Carolina University biologist who discovered a new species of trapdoor spider and named it Myrmekiaphila neilyoungi. Neil: Mind if we bug you by saying congrats? [Reuters]
• Carrie Underwood was inducted into the Grand Ole Opry Saturday night. Membership to the Opry is invitation-only and based on the artist's commitment to the show and overall contribution to country music. So it's an honor. [E!
• Alanis Morissette hit "rock bottom" over the past two years due to "a personal unraveling of significant relationships in my life." But she used the rough patch to write songs for her new album, out in June. Plus: She's psyched to see the Sex And The City movie: "I will definitely be going to see that movie," enthused Morissette, who once guest-starred on the HBO series. "I'm the girl that would torture a few of my guy friends and bring them." [People]
• A David O. Russell political comedy starring Jessica Biel and Jake Gyllenhaal has been put on hold because of a "cash crunch," boo. [Deadline Hollywood]
• The father of American Idol contender David Archuleta is a meddler who has been banned from rehearsals. [AP]
• Justin Timberlake is executive producing an MTV show called The Phone. The series, based on a Dutch reality show, begins each episode with two hidden cell phones ringing at opposite ends of a major city. Contestants who answer the phones have five seconds to decide if they want to play along for a cash prize, and a guide on the other end of the line then gives contestants a mission to complete before time runs out. [Reuters]
• Jennie Garth will be on the 90210 spinoff! She'll play a guidance counselor at her alma mater. Eh, that would never happen. [USA Today]
• Ashton Kutcher once he met Demi he knew it was right. "I knew she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with," he said. "I am the happiliest — I think I just invented that word — married guy on the planet." [Reuters]
• Tom Cruise's probably craptastic Nazi movie has been delayed. Again. [Times of London]
• Heath Ledger's family is bracing as E! True Hollywood Story producers have begun to work on a "tribute" to the late actor and have flown to Australia to talk to Heath's school friends and former colleagues. [News.com.au]
• Sienna Miller and Rhys Ifans are going through a rough patch and might hnot get married, sigh. [Daily Mail]
• Speed Racer crashed and burned at the box office. What a wreck. [E!]
• "I wish Halle [and the baby] all the happiness and success in the world, as that is what I'm experiencing at this point in my life." — Halle Berry's former hubby Eric Benet. [Rush & Molloy]
• "I tried to work in an office. Apparently, my clothes weren't right. I was a Gal Friday the 13th. I would answer phones and people would call up very upset. Then they'd call back screaming and yelling because I had to go to the file room and I would get sidetracked. I used to fall asleep reading the mail. I didn't want to. But it was so boring to me and I hated it." — Cyndi Lauper. [Newsweek]

[Image via Oh! My God! I Miss You]

• Sienna Miller has reportedly finally agreed to marry Rhys Ifans — after he asked a third time. Summer wedding, you guys. With guests like Kate Moss and Keira Knightley! [Mirror]
  
• Is Kimora Lee Simmons knocked up? Sources say she's got a bun in the oven, thanks to Djimon Hounsou. Now we're gonna be hearing about her "fabulosity" fetus for the next 9 months. [Page Six, People]
  
• Someone placed a 911 call claiming Heather Locklear was suicidal; but when cops arrived Heather was fine, never requested medical assistance and did not place the call. WTF. [TMZ, TMZ]
  
• Star Jones and Al Reynolds: It's over! Three and a half years after their sponsored wedding, Al has moved out and Star is planning to divorce him. Anyone surprised? [ONTD, MSNBC]

• The girls from America's Next Top Model are accused of destroying the Tribeca loft they stayed in in New York. The floors are ruined, there's water damage in the bathroom and lipstick on the walls, says a source. Pretty can be ugly! [Page Six]
• Heath Ledger's father says that even though Heath's will was filed before he met Michelle Williams, Michelle and Matilda "will be taken care of." [People]
• A web site called George Clooney "gay, gay, gay." Says George: "No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay - that was pushing it." [People]
• Clooney also commented on that feud with Fabio, admitting Fabio could probably beat him up. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow got a C tattooed on her hip for her hubby Chris Martin. Or for Coldplay. Or for cookies. [Mirror]
• The Sopranos movie? No. Seriously, no. It's just a rumor. [AP]
• Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama. Repeat: Q-Tip's new album features Barack Obama?!??!? [Page Six]
• Helena Christensen and Josh Hartnett: Dunzo. [Gatecrasher]
• It's someone's job to touch up the nail polish on Ivanka Trump's wax figure at Madame Tussaud's? Would you include that on your resume? [Gatecrasher]
• Lindsay and Ali Lohan partied in the penthouse of their LL's NYC apartment building, but stayed sober. [Gatecrasher]
• Apparently LL tells Ali to stay away from clubs. [UPI]
• Blind item! "Which skinny-again chart topper has been making multiple bathroom visits with his male friend during late nights at hot spots like Hyde? Apparently it's not just the girls who like diet coke." [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which famous braying crooner went down a line of Playmates and stunning models at a recent film festival, inquiring as to whether or not they'd sleep with him? There were no takers, and one of the models even laughed and called him 'short.'" [Rush & Molloy]
• This video of Britney walking into a bar is kind of sad. See, she literally walks into a metal bar. [TMZ]
• The obsessed fan who's been sending packages two to three times a week to Britney has included sexually explicit notes and a "battery-operated sex toy" in the mailings, gross. [UPI]
• Courtney Love claims she is the victim of identity theft — that con aritsts used Kurt Cobain's name to buy a mansion in New Jersey. [UPI]
• Except the LAPD says "It never happened." [TMZ]
• Matt Damon's wife: Knocked up. This will be the third child for the family. [People]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown: Singing each other's songs at a karaoke club in London. Sweet! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's trip to Kuwait to perform for the troops is costing $150,000 for the plane and $16,000 in hair and makeup. Who's picking up the tab? [MSNBC]
• ABC soap One Life To Live has a storyline that may parallel Jamie Lynn Spears' life: A 16-year-old teenage character will have sex and maybe get knocked up. Juno, what hath ye wrought? [Reuters]
• Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have reached and agreement in their custody battle. The exes are making nice, awww. [E!]
• Actress Samantha Morton was "close to death" after suffering a secret stroke two years ago. She took an unexplained break from making movies because she was learning to walk again. Jeez. She's fully recovered and gave birth to a second daughter in January. Be well! [Guardian]
• Kathy Griffin became a ordained online so she could officiate in a New York wedding in which the non-religious bride and groom claim laughter is the major factor in their relationship. LOL and congrats! [USA Today]
• Robbie Williams says he wants to study extraterrestrial life, and it's apparently not a joke. [UPI]
• Sound Of Music star Julie Andrews has kept a secret for 58 years: She was the child of an affair. [Telegraph]
• "I'm loath to say anything good about going to boarding school, which is one of the reasons why I'm not a believer in Harry Potter. Because I believe it fetishizes boarding school for children." — Tilda Swinton [Page Six]

[London, February 25. Images via Bauer-Griffin.]

An interesting twist on a classic piece...which looks like a highbrow version of something one would buy at H&M. I don't know about you, but I don't want a silkscreen of a melting breast anywhere near my own. I don't care how hot Dali is right now. Do not want. Cute, but looks like what an undergrad would wear at clown college. The only piece I covet from this collection. A sailor twist on the increasingly popular trend of high-waisted trousers. Ahoy, landlubbers! Whatever. This would be an adorable look for an afternoon barbeque. I can already picture myself slopping ketchup down those tiny buttons. Clown college graduation dress. You can advertise your S&M fetish for a lot less than the $110 cost of this t-shirt. Dear sisters Miller, enough with the fucking ruffles already. kthxbye.

Twenty8Twelve Spring/Summer 2008 Collection [Shopbop]
Twenty8Twelve [Official Site]

[All images via shopbop.com.]

• Angelina Jolie: Probably not reading this right now. "As Brad knows, I don't really how to turn on a computer." [People]
  
• Speaking of Brad Pitt, no one likes his new 'do. [Mirror]
  
• Supermodel Elle Macpherson, 44, is dating a 21-year-old? And it's Julian Schnabel's son? Hot. [Page Six]
  
• Cate Blanchett: Seven months pregnant and allowed to skip bathroom lines. [Gatecrasher]
  
• Not-so blind item! "Which famous New York athlete who used to date a pint-size actress is still shaking his head about how she would never remove her shoes during sex?" [Gatecrasher]
  
• Britney's stay at UCLA Medical Center has been extended; she will be required to be there for another 14 days. Hopefully that's enough time to make some real progress. [TMZ]

• Meanwhile, Britney's father was named her conservator, but she allegedly told her lawyers that she "hates" him. Then again, she is in a psychiatric ward. [TMZ]
• In any case, there will be a court hearing today to appoint a new conservator for Britney. As long as it's not Sam Lutfi. [TMZ]
• June Austin Spears, Britney's grandfather, says Lynne keeps knocked-up teen Jamie Lynn Spears "hidden." [Gatecrasher]
• The LAPD says handling Britney has been "different." Lt. Rick Wall, who heads the crisis response team which handles mental illness issues explains: "People were literally climbing on the ambulance. Standing in front of the police cars and the ambulance, so it couldn't move. That's a huge issue for anyone, celebrity or not." [Newsweek]
• There was a second memorial service in L.A. for Heath Ledger on Saturday; guests included Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Sienna Miller, Ellen DeGeneres, Shannyn Sossamon and director Todd Haynes. [People]
• Heath's funeral will be private and held in his hometown of Perth, Australia. [News.com.au]
• Helena Christensen, who was friends with Heath Ledger, says she has "only good memories of him." She adds: "Losing any friend is horrific, but he just has this thing about him — this special, enigmatic thing that I have never met in anyone before. That's what all of his friends are saying. They are totally devastated by losing someone who gave them so much. He gave everyone so much." [People]
• American Idol alum Katharine McPhee, 23, married her boyfriend, producer Nick Cokas, 42, on Saturday in Beverly Hills. Congrats! [People]
• Frau Heidi Klum on Germany's Next Top Model: "The models are all really young — they say the wildest things. They will talk about their boyfriends and where they have sex and how many times. They get media training and we say, 'You're not supposed to say those things,' but it's good television!" [Gatecrasher]
• Anna Nicole's estranged mother, Virgie Arthur, tried to make cash off of her grandson Daniel Smith after his death by offering to pose by his grave for a paparazzi agency. Not surprising but still: Sigh. [Page Six]
• Miley Cyrus beat Jessica Alba at the box office, thanks to a 3D movie (and $15 tickets). [E!]
• Does Lindsay Lohan have a book deal? This UK paper — which spells her name wrong — is reporting that Simon Schuster has paid £1 million for her autobiography. We heard she maybe wanted to write one but not that a deal had been inked. Stay tuned. [Mirror]
• A man charged with a bunch of robberies — including holding up Lost star Josh Holloway, has pleaded guilty and will be behind bars for 30 years. [People]
• Are Kylie Minogue and Olivier Martinez back on? What's this about Olivier not wanting marriage or kids? [Daily Mail]
• Rod Stewart's son has gotten his dad dragged into a court case: Sean is accused of attacking a dude in a bar brawl; Rod's bodyguard was involved, so the court papers are naming Rod as a defendant. Messy, messy business. [Daily Mail]
• Is Sienna Miller telling Rhys Ifans "marry me or else"? Is Rhys wearing Sienna's T-shirt? [Daily Mail]
• Is Jemima Khan hooking up with ex-boyfriend Hugh Grant? Do you give a shit? [Daily Mail]

• Scott Baio tied the knot with longtime girlfriend Renee Sloan Saturday in L.A. The couple have a newborn daughter. Good luck, kids! [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's mother has written a public letter to her daughter, pleading, "All you have to do is come to us, Amy, and we'll do everything in our power to get you well again." [People]
  
• Amy Winehouse's dad says he sees Amy all the time and "It is absolute rubbish to suggest that no one has been in touch with Amy." (He split from Amy's mom when Amy was nine, sigh.) [Mirror]
  
• Ellen DeGeneres is on a campaign to rebuild animal shelters across the U.S., in an attempt to revamp her image after that Iggy fiasco. [Page Six]
  
• Britney Spears stole a lighter from a gas station. Try to appear shocked. [TMZ]

• Uber-tanned actor George Hamilton has a new show in which he bets he can go anywhere in the world, traveling and partying without spending a dime. Proving that rich people always get free shit! [Page Six]
• Will Smith is ready to campaign for Barack Obama if Barack wants him to. He should probably wait to be asked, no? [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs, 38, is "in love" with recording artist Cassie, 21. [Page Six]
• Larry Birkhead thought he was going to be one of Barbara Walters' 10 most fascinating people of 2007... right up until the show aired and he saw that J.K. Rowling was number one. [Gatecrasher]
• Parker Posey's dog peed on the floor in Kiehl's. [Gatecrasher]
• Blind item! "Which fashionable fellow with a statuesque girlfriend was putting the moves on other young ladies in Miami last week? Perhaps there won't be a dynastic wedding after all." [Gatecrasher, last item]
• Backstreet Boy Howie D got married this weekend. Not a boy anymore! [People]
• Prince Harry and on-again-off-again girlfriend Chelsy Davy are going on a "romantic African holiday" that could make or break the relationship. [Daily Mail]
• We touched on this before, but it seems like Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham has had her implants removed. She's still major! [Daily Mail]
• Sienna Miller's boyfriend, actor Rhys Ifans, says, "I work hard and party hard." Perfect match! [Guardian]
• A member of Liza Minnelli's crew was detained by police in Stockholm on suspicion of beating up a photographer. Whoa, Liza's got drama like that? [USA Today]
• Did Paris Hilton punch a girl over Stavros Niarchos? [MSNBC]
• David Blue, the actor who plays Marc's boyfriend on Ugly Betty, was mugged at gunpoint last Friday night. That would never happen to Wilhelmina Slater. [TMZ]
• According to a Swedish skin-care guru, Ricky Martin = gay. [News.com.au]

[Mexico City, November 19. Image via Splash.]