In the midst of what should be a relatively innocuous conversation about legislative spending, Congress has rekindled the clash over illegal immigration. This March, the Library of Congress ceased usage of the term “illegal alien,” arguing that it is demeaning. Republicans, bless ‘em, want the term to be reinstated.
Ted Cruz’s campaign for the Republican nomination, which is as dead as his heart, eyes and face skin, has pooped out one final, sputtering video. It is titled “No Regrets.”
If it were a trailer for a low-budget slasher movie, I’d say, “You should really tone it down.”
Former Virginia Governor and failed GOP presidential candidate Jim Gilmore—also known as failed Democratic presidential candidate Jim Webb, a similarly tragic and square-faced man for whom I nearly always confuse him—assumed, incorrectly, that he would be selected as a delegate to the Republican National Convention.…
At the end of April, Virginia Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe signed an executive order restoring voting rights to people convicted of felonies. Unhappy state Republicans said on Monday they would file a lawsuit contesting the order, which, according to them, was designed to bulk up Democratic voter rolls in time…
John Kasich, a toddler screaming for the entire duration of an international flight, has reached the stage in his overlong and grating campaign for the GOP nomination in which the only needs he can truly serve are those of the ironic youth of America.
A San Jose couple was found murdered in their home Sunday afternoon. Their two sons, ages 22 and 17, are now being held without bail on suspicion of murder. Anonymous sources who claim to have seen the murder scene told several local news agencies that a “rambling diatribe” was written on the walls and floor.
Former Speaker of the House John Boehner gave an extremely candid talk at Stanford University on Wednesday evening, in which he gave attendees permission to call him “boner” (“You can call me boner, beaner, jackass, happy to answer to almost anything”) and graced writers ‘cross the internet with the one thing that…
Staid local goblin Ted Cruz is holding a press conference Wednesday in Indianapolis to announce that Carly Fiorina will be his pick for vice president, according to multiple reports. The two have previously been seen together in the hideous fever dreams you experience after a long night of watching C-SPAN 3 and…
In a sentencing hearing Wednesday morning, former House Speaker Dennis Hastert acknowledged having sexually abused several boys while he was their wrestling coach in the 1970s. The judge described him as “a serial child molester,” then sentenced him to two years of supervised release. Later in the hearing, he added 15…
Temperamental gelatinous sponge Donald Trump has finally, after months of writer’s block, come up with the nickname “1 for 38 Kasich” for GOP rival John Kasich. Sad that he couldn’t think of anything better!
For a man who is such an important father figure for bigots all across this great country, Donald Trump is not acting very fatherly.
Senator Marco Rubio, still apparently not quite out of the habit of pandering to the Jews despite the fact that he is no longer running for anything at all, appears to have hosted a Passover seder for a group of miserable-looking staffers and PC computers. I have questions.
Earlier this month, state senators in Missouri tried to hold the CEO of the state Planned Parenthood affiliate in contempt of court, and threatened her with jail time for refusing to turn over confidential medical information on patients. The Senate announced Thursday they won’t do that, probably because the action…
It’s worth reminding ourselves now and again that while Donald Trump is a soulless corn husk shilling for votes, Ted Cruz is both that and also an even more genuinely horrifying person, in that he fervently believes every hateful word he utters. Case in point: a new ad by Cruz for President that supports anti-trans…
Prior to a town hall in which Trump offered surprising views on North Carolina’s bathroom law, Today’s Matt Lauer and Savannah Guthrie provided the Trump family with a lovely nest of positive reinforcement and lightly personal questions that Lauer himself described as “potpourri.” Melania Trump in particular was given…
Conservative talk show host and Trump toady Sean Hannity interviewed Ted Cruz, actual toad, on Tuesday prior to Cruz’s thundering loss against Trump and Ben Carson. Despite the fact that they share a loosening jawline and sense of disdain for most of humanity, the pair did not see eye to eye.
Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz has been doing quite a lot of dildo talk these days.
Carly Fiorina—former CEO, firer of people, person with moderate issues re: telling the truth— hasn’t been much seen since suspending her presidential campaign in February. Now, praise God, here she is, with a bizarre little ad about her own, highly specific concept of feminism.
Hey, have you heard? Donald Trump is “lying low.” Donald Trump is staying out of the spotlight, kicking back, going low-key, “skirting controversy.” What? Since when? Since like Wednesday, of course! Isn’t that basically an eternity in the goldfish memory of our news cycle?
