1. That protester that was above my head during McCain's speech (that I was frankly worried was going to get tossed from his perch by angry Republicans) was Adam Kokesh from Iraq Veterans Against The War.
2. The infamous balloon drop was pretty cool, but it only hit the delegates on the floor and none of the people in the stands, which I thought kind of lame. I don't know that it was so cool that it was worth the whining that I heard about it not happening at Invesco, especially when people started popping the balloons and I was all thinking, yeah, that part of it would've totally freaked people the fuck out in Denver.
3. The swag bags, like in Denver, were mostly filled with things I wouldn't bother paying an extra fee at the airport to carry home (like fake Nalgene bottles, which I assume a legion of hotel maids in Denver, Minneapolis and St. Paul are currently enjoying or selling on eBay), but the RNC had the single best piece of swag of both conventions: RNC-branded Kraft Mac and Cheese. Also, as I mentioned once, here is John McCain's head-on-a-stick, a stress ball piggie (make your own jokes) and the 50 zillion press credentials the RNC insisted I carry around with me. But the really, really excellent part of the RNC Mac&Cheese? Yeah, elephants and pentacles are the shapes.
4. Overheard at the RIAA's Daughtry concert on Wednesday, from a girl drinking a Heineken while I partook of one of my several glasses of Korbel champagne, "They don't have any real American beers down there, like Bud or Miller. This is such an un-American party."
5. The Real Baberaham Lincoln. Look, the RNC was some slim pickings. Plus, you're notice that he was there pushing for D.C. voting rights, so I had to shout the boy out.
6. The story no one reported on: the logistics of this thing were a complete clusterfuck. The convention center wasn't near any of the other events, and the other events were miles away. One friend of mine never bothered going to the convention, whereas I spent 30 minutes (minimum) getting to the convention or an event from my hotel at the ass end of nowhere in the suburbs. The only people that made real money from this were cabbies.
7. Actually, there was one thing that worked far more smoothly than at the DNC — security. It was so much easier to get through security in St. Paul than it was in Denver even though all the procedures were the same, which made me wonder if the Secret Service had it out for Democrats.
8. The Hurricane Information Center was this really great idea when it looked like Gustav was going to be really bad, and they basically plucked this woman, Emily Roberts, from convention-volunteer obscurity and made her run it. By the time I dropped in on Tuesday, most of the conventioneers using its services (TV access, computer access, phones and fax machines) seemed to be regular people checking their email. The people who made the best use of the services provided by the RNC? The contracts from New Orleans who set it up the weekend before the RNC and were desperately trying to get home and get information to and about their families. So, the RNC did help some regular people out.
9. Thursday night was the best people watching of the night, where sightings included Henry Kissinger, Rosario Dawson's ass, every reporter I'd ever met and some I hadn't yet and Wonkette creator Ana Marie Cox, who actually recognized me when I introduced myself and who was exceedingly nice to me. We watched Kissinger together for a while, as though we'd be able to tell what he was talking about with the creator of YouTube. Her guess? China.
10. One person who thankfully didn't recognize me or the grin that says, "I really shouldn't be doing this"? Bill Kristol, who was actually incredibly gracious about it unlike Randy Scheunemann.

11:16 ET: There is still a fuckload of balloons in the rafters. They're recycling songs now, and I still need to leave the secure area to get some goddamned liquor, so I'll let the delegates play with balloons while I try to find the bus to my party. I'll see you all in Crappy Hour tomorrow and promise to be appropriately hung over.

11:12 ET: Gold confetti streamers shoot at the crowd. I realize that the system dropped the post for a few seconds.

11:08 ET: Balloons and confetti continue dropping to "Barracuda."

11:07 ET: Balloon drop! Its the real moment everyone's been waiting for, except for the janitors that will have to clean those and the confetti up in a couple of hours.

11:04 ET: "Raising McCain" starts playing (again). Cindy comes out. They stand and wave. The out come Sarah and Todd Palin. Cindy walks to stand on the other side of John so he's next to Sarah Palin for the photo op and he puts his hands on Cindy's waist and moves her back again. She smiles embarrassed.

11:02 ET: He invites the crowd to fight with him and they stand up to cheer, and he talks through the cheers because prime time is over. I don't really know what he said because I couldn't here.

11:00 ET: He's not running for President because he thinks he was annointed by God or anything like Obama supposedly thinks. Please see time stamp 10:10 to recall the point where the narrator said that he was American's good fortune.

10:58 ET: Tortured so bad he broke, but Bob Kramer helped him get over it.

10:57 ET: Really Tortured, yo.

10:56 ET: Did you know John McCain was really tortured? And he served in Vietnam.

10:55 ET: John McCain's an imperfect servant.

10:53 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" Also, some people are shouting "zero, zero" about Obama. Laaame.

10:52 ET: America is great and perfect, we just need to change everything about it. You know, if he were a woman talking about the man she planned on marrying, I'd be warning them not to go through with it. Don't go through with it America!

10:50 ET: He hates war. He doesn't want other families to suffer the way his did, unless their kids are in Iraq right now, in which case, you know, it'll be ok, he'll totes pull out by 2013.

10:49 ET: Eeeeevil exists! John McCain knows how to fight it! Flashlight under the bed, for real.

10:48 ET: Iran, Russia and Georgia. Believe that Randy Scheunemann wrote this part since, um, he just ignored the part where Georgia crossed into non-Georgian territory first. Ahem.

10:46 ET: "It's time to show the world again how Americans lead." You can't really lead at the point of the gun, though, 'cause technically for it to work you have to be behind the other person.

10:45 ET: Drilling gets big cheers and they break out into "Drill, baby, drill!" People applaud new nuclear power plants.

10:43 ET: School choice is not a big applause line. Six people applaud charter schools. I think this issue isn't that exciting anymore.

10:40 ET: He's going to change the unemployment system. But I'm sure in a way that will be totes better for the unemployed.

10:39 ET: Obama's plan with make it so a bureaucrat stands between you and your doctor. People boo. Show me a private insurance plan where a bureaucrat doesn't stand between me and my doctor, John McCain. Oh, wait, right, you've never had private health insurance. Never mind. But I'm sure having government bureaucrats doing it has been so very tough on you.

10:38 ET: They see nothing ironic in a minute later McCain saying that government shouldn't make your choices for you.

10:37 ET: Abortion mention!

10:36 ET: "[From random white people] to the Latina daughter of migrant workers, we're all God's children and we're all Americans." Except for maybe that Latina's parents.

10:36 ET: "The party of Lincoln, Roosevelt and Reagan is going to get back to basics." I don't really know what that means.

10:33 ET: Shout out to "real" people.

10:32 ET: Did you know he was tortured?

10:31 ET: He was right about The Surge, and would rather have lost an election than the war, blah blah blah.

10:29 ET: He's been called a maverick. About 100 times tonight. It's because he doesn't work for the party, "it's because I work for you," he tells a room full of Republicans.

10:27 ET: Change is coming to Washington because Palin is coming to Washington. Or something.

10:24 ET: It's all about Sarah. People are seemingly more enthusiastic about her than McCain.

10:23 ET: Another protestor made it in and gets shouted down again. She's up in the stands on the other side of the stadium. McCain tells people "Please don't get distracted by the ground noise and the static. I'm going to talk about it some more because Americans want us to stop yelling at each other." People cheer. He starts up again, the yeller keeps yelling, and the cheers start up again.

10:21 ET: "We are dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal." Nice Gettysburg/Lincoln shout out. It's the first subtle reference of the night. Also, when he says that "we are going to win this elections," the cheers are legit loud.

10:20 ET: He loves his mama, and she's 96 years old. Also, he won't let down the supporters who stood by him when the odds were down. Ahem. Well, that's not that many people in this room, probably.

10:18 ET: Protester led away. John thinks Cindy's awesome and will make a great first lady.

10:17 ET: The sign got yanked out of his hands. The protestor shouts again. The crowd starts cheering to drown him out. John McCain starts up to be nice ato GWB, Laura, GHWB and Barbara. The protester guy is still there 3 minutes later.

10:15 ET: Cheers end. Now's a good time to point out that he's standing at a podium and I can see his ass. It's the first ass of the night. A protester begins yelling above my head. The crowd drowns him out. Republicans around him try to grab his sign. Security still not there a minute later.

10:14 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A!"

10:13 ET: Palin got much louder cheers last night, but John McCain is probably just a little deaf so he can't tell.

10:12 ET: Tortured in a Box. "When you live in a box, you spend your life trying to make sure that other people don't have to." Unless they are brown and from the Middle East. Then, fuck those guys. Torture away.

10:11 ET: Really, really tortured.

10:10 ET: "What a life, what a faith, what a family. What good fortune than America will choose this leader at this time." What good fortune that I didn't throw my coffee cup away so that I have something to vom in.

10:08 ET: No, really, he was tortured. Really, really tortured.

10:07 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured a lot?

10:06 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

10:06 ET: They show a picture of a young Roberta. Yowza. She was a total hottie!

10:04 ET: The movie starts! It's the "Dallas" music again. Who shot J.R.? Some people call John McCain an asshole, but his mama calls him a mama's boy. More Roberta, Steve Schmidt, you asshole.

10:02 ET: "Rock This Town" plays, I'm 90 percent certain it's the Brian Setzer version (again) but feel free to correct me in the comments. Nah, it's definitely Brian Setzer and not the original.

9:59 ET: Kool and The Gang "Celebrate" good times with the Republican convention. People shout "Whoo-hoo!" off-key.

9:56 ET: Chuck Berry's "Johnny B. Goode." Less inspired dancing than "Rock Around The Clock" got last night, but some people are catching the significance of the chorus and singing along "Go, Johnny, go, go!"

9:55 ET: Bye, Cindy Lou Who! We'll see you at the end of John's interminable speech...

9:55 ET: She's gonna protect our freedom, too! Just not our reproductive freedom.

9:52 ET: Cindy makes the audience applaud Earnestine from Kigali. Least authentic applause all night even though Earnestine seems awfully worth applauding — more so than insults about community organizers anyway.

9:50 ET: Another report leans over and asks, "So do you think that Bridget represents 10 percent of the diversity here tonight?" Cindy says "Viet-namn" again.

9:50 ET: You know, I always sort of wondered why she only kept Bridget. Was the other Bangladeshi girl not good enough? Okay the smirking way she mentioned Bridget made me cringe.

9:46 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? (Also... she called it "Viet-namn" instead of "Viet-nahm.")

9:45 ET: Hockey mom! Pistol packin' mother of 5! International experience? Pshaw. Bitch hunts meese.

9:44 ET: Shouts out Sarah Palin: "I've always thought it's a good idea to have a woman's hand on the wheel as well." What is "wheel" code for? Penis?

9:42 ET: She hit a home run by marrying John McCain. Really?

9:41 ET: She's kind of a stiff speaker. She would be better with a platform than a wireless mike, even though you'd see less of the suit.

9:36 ET: She sort of makes low-income America sound like a third world country. Also, her solution is to get government out of the way of people trying to help... like community organizers, perhaps?

9:35 ET: You gotta give Cindy props on that suit. She looks fucking excellent. They also got even his first kids on stage.

9:34 ET: The also skip the drug addiction part when showing her with the medical supplies and stuff.

9:32 ET: Cindy does good things! And had short hair! I liked short-haired Cindy, actually.

9:31 ET: The skip over the part where he was married when they met. Also, they call him "handsome." They showed pictures, and we in the snark section beg to differ.

9:30 ET: "Cindy Lou Hensley got all the attention of her father." Totes true — just ask her half sister.

9:28 ET: Cindy McCain's real middle name? Lou. I didn't know that when I titled this post! Also, Cindy's dad was shot down, like JOHN MCCAIN, only he wasn't tortured. I do believe they are eliding over her dad's first wife. Whoops.

9:27 ET: And, he's out. Back to obscurity for you, Tom Ridge! Enjoy Penna. Join me in the McCainiac thread!

9:25 ET: Volunteers have to lead the crowd in shouting "That's John McCain," because it's a shitty repeat line. I mean, my God, these people will shout "drill, baby, drill," so you know that's bad.

9:23 ET: This went from being a political speech to a crappy sermon. It's not doing a damn thing for the crowd, it's amazing in its mediocrity.

9:20 ET: John McCain can negotiate with trust and respectability because he's already got the respect of our allies. Of course, mostly we have to negotiate with our non-allies, but, details!

9:18 ET: If you can make it through this night drinking every time someone says "victory," you should really go to detox.

9:17 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

9:16 ET: Tom and John McCain are friends because they both like shitty jokes.

9:14 ET: What color is your fear? Tom Ridge knows.

9:11 ET: The background music to the film? A slower synth version of the theme to "Dallas."

9:10 ET: They're showing the Palin film that Ferret Face talked through last night.

9:09 ET: When faced with rumors that you are gay, avoid gesturing with your thumb in the way Lindsay Graham just did, as the first thing that runs through sick people's minds it that thumb up someone's butt.

9:04 ET: John McCain supported The Surge despite it being political suicide because it was the right thing to do.

9:01 ET: Boos for Moveon.org.

9:00 ET: Lindsay Graham is up. "This speech is for the troops." Does that mean I can resume ignoring Lindsay Graham?

9:00 ET: Another reporter leans over and says, "That dancing down there reminds me of 'Janet Reno's Dance Party.' Or Elaine in 'Seinfeld.'"

8:57 ET: "Danger Zone" time! But there is not a single person here who looks like Maverick and Goose shirtless, let alone Iceman. Also,thing maybe the Maverick reference is why they chose this song? Because, otherwise, it's like they're saying that John McCain will take this country into the Danger Zone...

8:53 ET: He stopped talking. It's country music time: "Put Me In Coach" it is seemingly called. I'd YouTube it for you, but then you might slick through and I wouldn't do that to you. It's way lame, which is what there are a shitload of Texans all dancing in time. I took video, which I'll spend three hours uploading to YouTube tomorrow or something because it amuses me.

8:49 ET: By the way, they've moved the podium back so I don't have any ass views. Also, Joe Gibbs has yet to say anything interesting but he just. keeps. talking. Good thing I have coffee.

8:47 ET: Joe Gibbs. They "neglect" to mention his Redskins coaching.

8:46 ET: Bye!

8:44 ET: He says "It's God first, then family, then country." Snarky reporter number two says, "Can't he read? It's country first." I say, "God, country, same thing, isn't that what we're learning here?"

8:43 ET: Brian Clay is an Olympian. Who he is requires the longest explanation of the convention so far. Also, he has kids. He's a God-y.

8:42 ET: "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"

8:41 ET: They show Rudy Giuliani and people applaud. Fucking a.

8:40 ET: The show the second plane striking the tower, the pit, the Pentagon. On the night of 9/11, I looked out on my balcony and could see the Pentagon burning over the trees. Fuck this political shit, for real. This is kind of very offensive.

8:39 ET: Creepy terrorist film. NINE ELEVEN BABY.

8:38 ET: She stopped talking.

8:37 ET: Another reporter asks me, "We have 3 branches of government, right? The military, the executive branch and... the legislative?" I am so in the right section tonight.

8:36 ET: NINE ELEVEN BABY

8:35 ET: By the way, barbers in Oklahoma City gave first responders free hair cuts. That's, like, un-Americans giving away something for free. Also, she's all talking about tragedy and if it weren't for the crazy echo, Republican delegates would be drowning her out.

8:33 ET: Other woman I don't know. Someone in the crowd does, though. Hey, remember when those white guys bombed that Oklahoma City building and everyone thought they were all Islamic and shit and then they weren't and everyone felt bad about stereotyping and being jingoistic? Good times.

8:29 ET: "Footloose" plays. Some small number of people dance in a tortured fashion. Don't they know that the only acceptable way to dance to this involves jumping around and step-ball-changes and general 80s awesomeness? I am tempted to show them but the press area is crowded and the Secret Service is all up in here for the first time. Who knew they read Jezebel?

8:29 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:28 ET: He believes in American exceptionalism, and that we have a God-given destiny. My snark about that is interrupted by my laughter when he says that "We need leaders that forego the earthly pleasures of now."

8:26 ET: "The other side says 'Yes We Can' and then votes 'No You Won't." John McCain says, "'Yes We Will.'" Well, it may be a stupid mockery of Obama's slogans like every other GOP slogan so far, it's fucking better than "drill, baby, drill." Hey, that's a rhyme!

8:24 ET: Americans live for something bigger than they are? HAHAHAHAHA!

8:23 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:23 ET: Sam "Snowflake Baby" Brownback is here. "You ready to rock, America?" It is hard to type while cringing that hard.

8:21 ET: This woman is determined that I will personally not ignore her, because she keeps repeating the word "Megan."

8:19 ET: Buh-bye, Bill. Going to ignore the military lady, since not even I know who she is.

8:18 ET: "We will make extreme poverty history." Think Bush already did that.

8:16 ET: He went to Rwanda. These are Republicans, hon, they don't care.

8:15 ET: No one else is paying attention to Brain-Dead Bill either.

8:13 ET: Reporter next to me says, "I can actually tell from watching him on that computer screen that he is brain dead." I vote for zombie.

8:12 ET: Bill Frist, "live" and in the flesh.

8:12 ET: Pawlenty, over and out.

8:10 ET: "Sam's Club voters"? I'm a Sam's Club member because I'm a cheap bitch not because I'm a Republican.

8:10 ET: He knows John McCain, just like Carly. Or maybe not just like Carly.

8:09 ET: Pawlenty went to Iraq? WTF does that have to do with governing Minnesota?

8:08 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

8:07 ET: "The best Sermons aren't preached, they're lived." Tell that to all the hypocritical sermonizers in D.C.

8:06 ET: Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty is glad we're here.

In fact, the most reliable applause line of the night — from Texas Railroad Commission Chairman Michael Williams to Sarah Palin — was any reference to abortion, or, in Republican terms, "respect for life." It is striking, in retrospect, how many times the speakers genuflected in the direction of embryos last night, as though there was any doubt that too many people in the room support reproductive rights.

Carly Fiorina has been stalking Hillary supporters for a while now trying to lure them with the false assertions that McCain is supportive of birth control coverage and not really all that opposed to abortion. In fact, one could even assert that she's the leading proponent in the McCainosphere pushing his "liberal" credentials on these issues, even as she's telling women they "aren't" — meaning, shouldn't be — one issue voters.

On the other hand, where is the women's agenda at the RNC? Pay equity is a Democratic issue, as is increased child care funding, as is universal health coverage. McCain's got increased child tax credits to go along with his insistence that he'll try to stop you from ever having an abortion and that your insurance company shouldn't have cover birth control, but I'd hardly say that's an agenda for women on a par with equal pay or equal rights. If I'm voting on more than "drill, baby, drill," the surge, McCain's torture-iffic past and letting businesses keep their tax breaks to keep prices low, what am I supposed to vote for when it comes to the daily issues in my life? The Dems may get my ear because of the Republican's insistence that abortion is as evil as "Islamic terrorism," but they keep it because they keep talking about things that I believe in. Women aren't one-issue voters, Carly, but John McCain is wrong on more than one issue.

Fiorina: Dems 'Hold Women Hostage' To Abortion Issue [The Hill]
Carly Fiorina's Fuzzy McCain-Speak [LA Times]

11:17 ET: When the lights come up and I can find my computer plug, I'm out. Because, really, "Raising McCain" is more than I can handle without booze. I'll catch y'all tomorrow in Crappy Hour.

11:15 ET: Apparently they bumped the "entertainment." Stupid prayer-haters making it out before I did.

11:13 ET: Vaguely military-esque music starts up, and they make for the offstage. The exodus before the prayer begins.

11:11 ET: "Don't you think we made the right choice? And what a beautiful family." Also known as "Fuck the haters." No end to the applause, but "USA! USA! has started up again.

11:10 ET: John McCain steals a page from Obama's playbook and arrives onstage, only he can't look like the epitome of cool doing it. The crowd goes wild. Todd's holding Trig, which means it was definitely not a surprise. They're standing too close ot the backdrop for me to get a good look at Todd's ass.

11:09 ET: Out comes the family, Trig included. He's sleepy but awake and not quite understanding what's going on, and very cute.

11:08 ET: She's done, God Bless America, roars from the crowd, fake flag waving on the screen in the background. Cheers, etc.

11:07 ET: John McCain is inspiring, damn it! She swears! Character, hope and change belong to him alone. BWAHAHAHAA

11:05 ET: Eeeeevil. Eeeevil. We don't want no stinking eeeevil. Also, real person reference.

11:04 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured?

11:03 ET: "The American Presidency is not supposed to be a journey of self-discovery." George Bush sure knows that. Also, what's all the hate for community organizing, for real? It's kind of incredibly nasty in an unexpected way, coming from the a stadium branded "country first" and a convention lauding the idea of service above self. I guess there's only one kind of service that counts, unless you're a Republican draft-dodger in the Vietnam era, in which case there are other kinds of service you can do without being mocked.

11:01 ET: Family box full again with Roberta and Meghan among others. Also, the crowd boos Harry Reid. I'm surprised anyone feels strongly enough about old Milquetoast Reid to bother.

11:00 ET: Another mocking reference to Obama. She should've stuck to clap lines more than boo lines, in my opinion. Also, we're officially out of prime time. Let's thank Rudy!

10:59 ET: Finally a good line: "There are some politicians that use change to promote there careers. John McCain has uses his career to promote change."

10:58 ET: T minus 2 minutes until the end of prime time. We're booing corporate tax increases. Except that there aren't any corporate tax increases in Obama's plan and he's talking about lowering the rate, but he's a Dem! He's going to increase taxes!

10:57 ET: We're booing Obama for thinking the rule of law is important even when the people subject to it are bad, and for not trying to convince Iran to give up nukes before they give up nukes.

10:56 ET: Makes fun of the stage at Invesco. The crowd applauds. Also, she mocks him as thinking he's Moses and Jesus combined. I don't think mockery is that cool. It's kind of childish.

10:55 ET: Obama has two memoirs but not legislation, including no reform legislation. Guess we're skipping that lobbying ethics reform bill

10:54 ET: More oil. "American ingenuity."

10:52 ET: The reporter next to me points out that since the Palin fam is making its way to the stage to be there when Sarah finishes speaking, Cindy McCain is now sitting alone, very alone, in the family box. Sarah's still talking about drilling.

10:51 ET: Drill here, drill now... Pipe there, pipe here.

10:48 ET: True reform is hard to achieve because interests are entrenched. That's why John McCain really hasn't accomplished that much in Washington in the last two decades, but he'll totes do it in 4 years in the White House. Also, Sarah Palin sold Frank Murkowski's luxury jet on eBay.

10:47 ET: She'll carry herself as a nice person when she's VP, she promises. Totally not the one that fired the head of the library for not banning books.

10:44 ET: She doesn't care what we think. Also, the acoustics kind of suck in here, with as loud as people are shouting, it's hurting my ears.

10:42 ET: Mayors are like community organizers with actual responsibilities. Weren't Republicans 4 and 8 years ago all like, community involvement can replace government for social services? Also, she brings up Bittergate.

10:41 ET: "The difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick." Somewhere in this stadium, someone is popping popcorn. It makes me hungry.

10:40 ET: "They're always proud of America," (i.e., beware that Michelle Obama person). Loud standing ovation, "USA! USA!"

10:39 ET: "Every woman can walk through every door of opportunity." You know, unless a dude is keeping it shut.

10:38 ET: Todd's still her guy. People applaud him for that.

10:37 ET: To the parents of special needs kids, she'll be your friend and advocate in the White House. Smart.

10:35 ET: Mentions and waves to her daughters. Everyone stands and applauds. Trig is beautiful, and asleep.

10:35 ET: Proud of our troops, "USA!" etc.

10:33 ET: Victory is in sigh in Iraq. Also, she has a son in Iraq, did you know?

10:32 ET: John McCain was right on the surge. Yes, yes, understand that's the belief.

10:30 ET: Cheering stops. She accepts the nomination. Cheering begins anew.

10:28 ET: She walks out. Deafening cheers, for real this time.

10:27 ET: And he's out.

10:26 ET: Rudy talks sexism. The crowd cheers.

10:23 ET: Obama is too cosmopolitan and flashy. Rudy ought to know. Also, he's gone on so long he's about to bump Palin out of prime time, for real.

10:22 ET: Picking an old guy as VP was a bad thing, says Rudy, ignoring obvious ironies.

10:21 ET: Obama should call McCain for foreign policy advice and people shout shout shout. Man, is Rudy ever gonna shut up?

10:20 ET: Rudy makes fun of Obama's many foreign policy advisers. Good think McCain only has one for us to mock.

10:19 ET: Biden should get the VP thing in writing? With all the Eagleton rumors swirling around, Sarah Palin really ought to.

10:16 ET: Giving up on Iraq = giving up on America because we're all in this together and America can't lose. Other than, like, in Vietnam maybe.

10:16 ET: 9/11 reference! Drink! Also, it's totes cool to insult a religion, if you didn't know.

10:13 ET: The crowd shouts "Drill, baby, drill." There are a lot of unfulfilled female and gay male delegates in the house, apparently. Also, Rudy's dentures are freaky looking.

10:12 ET: "Hope is not a strategy." Neither is the status quo. Just sayin'.

10:11 ET: Spencer IMs from home: "Cindy mouths 'he's good'" I reply: "Cindy probs mouths a lot of things." I'm 13, yes I am. Apparently, John McCain will make me feel safe. How's about I cuddle with both of them (I'll take that for the team) and then decide?

10:10 ET: Spencer Ackerman IM's: "He'th never had to lead people in crithith!"

10:09 ET: You can seeee him struggling not to say "9/11."

10:07 ET: Rudy Giuliani unfamiliar with Hoyle's rules of order. "As President of the United States, it's not good enough to be present." Someone probs should've mentioned that to Bush before now.

10:06 ET: Let's make fun of community organizing? Niiice. To Republicans, that's a "zero" as they keep shouting. They also boo Chicago.

10:04 ET: America comes first, unless there's money to be made, in which case it's totes cool to represent foreign governments the way Rudy Giuliani and McCain foreign policy adviser Randy Scheunemann do. That's the American way.

10:03 ET: Another torture reference. Did you know John McCain had been tortured? "Great American Hero! G.I. Joe is there!!!"

10:02 ET: Rudy sees nothing funny about telling celebrities they aren't citizens of America. We're back to "USA! USA!"

10:01 ET: He's still not running for President, by the way. This election is a turning point...

10:00 ET: Good thing I peed during Michael Steele, they are really stacked up together!

9:57 ET: She's out to the strains of country music, and so am I... at least until our Rudy thread. Bring your ferrets!

9:56 ET: Washington is broken and even though McCain's been in office in Washington for more than 20 years, he's not, like, at all part of the problem and choosing Palin shows it somehow.

9:54 ET: Alaska has the same electoral votes as Delaware. That's a slam on Biden? Also, by the way, Delaware is really small. Why is she shitting on Delaware?

9:52 ET: Palin's a great choice, people are standing, etc. I wonder if there are still people handing out free Coke Zero's outside of security.

9:51 ET: Apparently, Barack Obama and Joe Biden have any executive experience. Of course, neither does Senator John McCain, but shhhhhhh.

9:49 ET: Wasilla has 10,000 people, and Sarah Palin governed it. Of course, it didn't have that many people in 2003 when she left office, but whatevs.

9:48 ET: Governors deal with issues Congress members only talk about, like environmental policy and other things the federal government is in charge of.

9:44 ET: FACT CHECK TIME: Sarah Palin received 909 votes in her 1999 mayoral reelection race. Joe Biden got 2,328 votes in Iowa for his Presidential campaign in Iowa. It only took me this long to find because my internet connection is hella slow. Lingle's still going on about Palin's kids and ethics reforms. Not a great speaker, Linda Lingle. Second woman of the night to incorporate pink despite the red background.

9:42 ET: The crowd applauds for her beauty pageant days.

9:41 ET: She knows Sarah Palin. She's also ripping off Fiorina if she says it over and over again.

9:40 ET: Linda Lingle! It's ladies night again! She's gonna talk about Palin.

9:38 ET: John McCain sacrificed every single thing for all of us! Also elect him! He's out!

9:37 ET: Stupid long story about education and veterans and whatever blah blah blah lames but everyone applauds because the word "soldiers" inspires a Pavlovian response.

9:34 ET: Did you know John McCain was tortured? And that he didn't bend by renouncing his country or going home early? Definitely a night of new information over here.

9:33 ET: Sarah Palin got more votes for mayor in Wasila than Joe Biden got running for President. Gonna fact check that one.

9:32 ET: Abortion reference. Again. Before I started liveblogging, even the elected commissioner of the Texas railroads had an opinion on my uterus.

9:31 ET: Huckabee pretends he used to shower with Lava soap. If you don't get it, you're an elitist. If you do get it despite being an elitist, you roll your eyes. Also, he didn't sit around when he was poor and wait for the government to rescue him. What was the name of Reagan's fake welfare mom again?

9:29 ET: Barack Obama's "excellent adventure" to Europe. My, God, let's just put up a fence to keep us in, we wouldn't want to be polluted by strange and foreign ideas.

9:28 ET: Electing Obama is risky. Thanks, Mike Huckabee.

9:26 ET: He thanks us liberal elitist media for unifying to Republican party untied behind McCain-Palin. "The reporting of the last few days has been tackier than a costume change at a Madonna concert." Man, why does he gotta bash on my girl?

9:26 ET: Ha, ha, he wanted to be the nominee, but he's happy to be here to talk about John McCain. He's got character and "the stubborn kind of integrity" that we need or something.

9:25 ET: The Huckster is in the house! No sign of Chuck Norris, though.

9:21 ET: Funktastic wedding reception music plays. The only people apparently still dancing are those people trying to get on camera.

9:17 ET: Elitist media unable to identify the song. YouTube says: Rodney Atkins, "If You're Going Through Hell." Rodney doesn't explain what I'm supposed to do, though.

9:16 ET: American is the hope of the earth, and the Romneybot departs. Musical selection: something country. Some people are singing along.

9:15 ET: "Just like you, there's never been a day when I've not been proud to be an American." People cheer "U.S.A.!. U.S.A.!" again and we don't mention Michelle Obama by name.

9:13 ET: Republicans believe that there is good and evil in the world — Evil Empire, Axis of Evil and by the way, radical violent Islam is evil and John McCain will defeat it and everyone stand up and cheers and we're back to "U.S.A.!. U.S.A.!" just as the German reporter arrives again. Sigh. Also, it's cool to call Islam evil because that's "straight talk and not politically correct talk." Ugh.

9:12 ET: Government unions have "Tyranosaurus appetites." What? That was out of no where in the energy portion of his speech. Everyone stands up for grounding Al Gore's private jet. Romney oughta talk.

9:10 ET: "It's time for the party of Big Ideas, not the party of Big Brother." Umm, whose idea was the PATRIOT Act and the FISA bill? I think you meant "Big Government," only Bush expanded the size of our government too. I'm overthinking this, but I finally have an empty bladder so I have more intellectual energy.

9:09 ET: Umm, change comes from opportunity. I feel like there's always the opportunity to not be racist and sexist and plenty people choose not to change.

9:08 ET: Liberals don't have a clue. Also, he's quite shout-y tonight. Someone must've given the Romneybot some caffeine.

9:07 ET: Washington is liberal because of: Gitmo decision, limits on offshore drilling, government spending has doubled since 1980 (notably: 8 years of Dems in the White House in those 28 years)

9:06 ET: Screws up stupid rhyme scheme. Also, something about the sun will rise in the west because John is from Arizona and Sarah is from Alaska and it's a crap metaphor.

9:05 ET: With all the Mormon rumors and shit, he probably shouldn't start his speech with "Ann and I love you all." At least if he doesn't want me to snort.

9:04 ET: The first semi-deafening cheers of the night. Also, quite possibly the best ass of the night. Trying to find the boys in the crowd.

8:50 ET: Carly says "John McCain is the choice of the new generation." I happen to be reading this comment and snicker out loud by mistake. Three other reporters proceed to snicker. And then she's out. And so am I until Romney speaks in a few minutes: it's potty time! New thread 'round about 9:20 or whenever the Romnibot 3000 steps up to the mike.

8:49 ET: John McCain values the contributions of women in the following ordered ways: to our families, communities, the economy, and then in governing. Also, she said it AGAIN.

8:48 ET: How many fucking times is she going to say, "I know John McCain"? But does she know him Biblically? Otherwise, fuck it, I don't care.

8:47 ET: "Many people talk about changing Washington." Which is why it never, ever changes.

8:45 ET: John McCain will empower companies to make money. That's what Republicans do.

8:43 ET: We should all have an equal opportunity to achieve the American dream, according to John McCain, not that he plans on doing anything to guarantee said equality because that would be too much government interference, which he objects to.

8:42 ET: Maverick! Drink! People again realize by her pauses that they should applaud. Carly starts to realize the absurdity of talking when no one is actually listening.

8:41 ET: Obama is rhetoric and promises, McCain is service and reform. Some people realize by the way she pauses that they are supposed to clap. McCain's life is remarkable — oh, and BY THE WAY he was tortured.

8:40 ET: Long list of question... Getting bored. Crowd is getting louder, but no one else is paying attention either.

8:39 ET: Carly's turn. Time to be shallow: don't like the new haircut. Also, the magenta suit with the red backdrop? Bad call.

8:26 ET: Playing "Rock Around the Clock," Brian Setzer version, lots of old people actually dancing now that the recognize the song (even if they don't recognize the artist). There are way more old men here doing The Twist than I pretty much ever needed to see. The bass line makes me cross my legs more.

8:24 ET: Playing "Everyday People." There is unsurprisingly way less rhythm here.

8:32 ET: I look up at the movie screen only to see vid of brain surgery. Not nearly enough blood to be interesting. If I knew it would be this long, I would've gone to pee instead of doing the pee-pee dance during Fiorina's speech but it will make me motivated to blog fast.

8:30 ET: Choose John McCain, thanks, and it's video time.

8:27 ET: Applause line dies. Also, it's all about "individual freedom," except when it comes to your uterus.

8:26 ET: Meg says the tax code is "mind-numbing." So's this speech.

8:24 ET: "The real agents of change in this campaign." Wow, where did I hear that before? Oh, right, last night. Exciting. Or not. Drink, so maybe it'll get that way.

8:23 ET: "John McCain is more ready to lead than any person in America." Oooh, burn GWB, Meg, I might like you more.

8:21 ET: Meg's mom believed in America, and not in sexism. Uhh, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. Also, shout out to small government.

8:20 ET: She's here. She grew up on Long Island. I hate that place (sorry Long Island Jezzies) — it's like one long never ending suburb

MEGAN: How many conventions have you been to, and how are this year's different?

GRETA: I was at both in 2004 and in 2000, and I honestly can't remember if I went in 1996 — with all due respect, they all start to blur together for me with the big tent and the lights and the media section, the security. I've been around the block. These are different substantively — my experience has been that there's usually an obvious candidate coming into the conventions, an incumbent or whatever. But this time we have Senator McCain and Senator Obama, two people that most people a year ago would not have predicted would be the nominees. So that's different. And for the first time in twenty-four years there's a woman on the ticket. So that makes a difference. The thing that I'm not wild about is that the conventions are so scripted, we could almost put a camera up and talk about these back in the studio. Because of the level of security now, and increasingly over the years, we aren't really interviewing anyone on site. This isn't new gathering anymore, it's news management breaking any news. So I look around a see the expense, how much money the media how to lay out to cover these things and I wonder if I was running the operations if I would do it.

MEGAN: With Sarah Palin's nomination, it's been kind of a whirlwind of personal speculation about her and everyone's coming out on a different side about whether or not we "should" be talking about her family. How do you see that from a news perspective?

GRETA: Well, every time we have something new, a trailblazer, we tend to come out like scientists with our little microscopes. I think this is one of those times. It used to be that seeing a woman running for Congress it was a new thing and everyone ran around examining them. But now it's fairly commonplace except for on the the ticket. So when it's a woman running for Senate of Congress, it's kind of like, big whoop, we've seen it a million times. But the first one, the trailblazer, always gets dissected like a frog in the lab. Whether it's fair, I don't know. The issues she raises, the fact that she has number of children and a dual role, I think most women in this country would say that women have doing that for a long time, working and having children.

MEGAN: Some people have been comparing the way Hillary Clinton was treated in the primary, the sexism there, with how Sarah Palin has been treated. Do you see some kind of comparison there?

GRETA: I think it's different. Do I think there's sexism in media? Yes, I will tell you that. They are two completely different roles, so I don't know if you can compare the two. But, like, if a guy wears tight leather pants, we don't write about it. For a woman, we might write about the issues but there will always be a paragraph about what she was wearing.

MEGAN: Do you think the clothing discussion is a fair discussion to have and we're just not doing it with men? Or that it's not really a valid discussion?

GRETA: I think you will see the blue tie, red tie discussion but, regardless, the level of scrutiny will always be more on a woman.

MEGAN: Do you see that as a person in the media?

GRETA: I think Katie Couric is a good example. Now, I don't know Katie, I've met her maybe twice. She has the highest job in media, her and Charles Gibson and Brian Williams. And you know how she got that job? She earned it, the old fashioned way. She was an intern at CNN. But the level of scrutiny she got when she took that job, it just wasn't comparable to the level that either of the two men got. Whether you like Katie Couric or not, she's got 30 years of experience and she earned it and she just got hammered by the media. And the women were just as involved with hammering her as men. It's horrible, it's unbelievable.

MEGAN: Do you feel like you've been subjected to some of that as well?

GRETA: I think I pretty much dodged that bullet.

MEGAN: Do you think that's because of the kind of topics you cover?

GRETA: I think it's that... I have no idea. It's an issue for every single woman in the media. I'm sure you get it, everyone gets it, I just think maybe I get a little less of it.

MEGAN: Do you have any idea how you innoculated yourself?

GRETA: I have another career. I have a whole other career, and a career that I liked. I liked practicing law. I liked teaching law. And I'd be happy going back to that. I don't have to do this job. Not caring is very empowering. I like this job. I'm very lucky that I have another one that I like to. Another woman, a single woman, especially one with kids at home? She's in a very different position than I am because she needs that job, especially if she doesn't have anything to fall back on. Having something to fall back on is always a good idea.

MEGAN: Are you sad you aren't enjoying everything that Minnesota has to offer?

SPENCER: My knowledge of MPLS is limited to two things: the bands on Profane Existence and the account of the Hennepin County prison/detox system that I read about in The Night Of The Gun. One thing I wondered, though: did Joe Lieberman look worse on the closed-circuit feed you saw him on? Because he looked surprisingly good in HD.

MEGAN: I didn't see him on closed-circuit TV, I saw his ass from the media stands and his face on one of the really big screens. From what I could tell, he looked much less pale and tragic than normal, which I'm going to guess means he either secretly stood in line at Invesco or the GOP has better makeup artists than he normally uses. He sounded exactly the same. Like, he sounded like the imitation they did of him talking on the phone to Ron Klain in Recount.

SPENCER: On the drive to the Denver airport, me and some of the FDL dudes were PRAYING for Lieberman to get the VP nod so we could reprise Joe's greatest hits. But this guy defies parody. Do you remember the part where he called Obama an "eloquent young man"? Tell me that isn't racist euphemism.

MEGAN: It totally was, but I spent the whole time going, man, What Would Zell Miller Have Said. Zell knew how to bring a brand of GOP-inspiring crazy that Joementum will never be able to touch. And he wouldn't have gone with some mealy-mouthed encoded racial reference either. But that's so like Lieberman, to stick the shank so slowly in your back that you almost don't feel it.

SPENCER: I saw Hadassah sitting next to Cindy, and she probably knows something about not feeling it.

MEGAN: Please, let us vow here and now to work as many dick jokes as possible into today's Crappy Hour.

SPENCER: But did you notice how he used that line about how you'll always know where McCain stands? That was Bush's closing line against Kerry. If ever there was a milemarker on the road to Joe Lieberman's descent into embarrassing crank, it's that right there. Another question: who could possibly be inspired by that speech? Who even watched till the end? Who thought that the only man capable of following spit-hot-fire Fred Thompson was Joe Lieberman? Actually that's three questions, but you get the gist.

MEGAN: Why did we have to listen to all the various degrees of torture McCain underwent? To make us empathize more with him once we were tortured ourselves? I did think it really strange that they ended on Lieberman, though less so when I read this morning that Joe was really intended to be the nominee but everyone talked McCain out of it at the last minute.

SPENCER: That was the least self-aware moment of the convention. That crowd has spent four years cheering the torture of hundreds-if-not-thousands of detainees in the GWOT and bravely standing up for the constitutional principle that Bush can torture, like, whoever he wants. A convention with a sense of irony — or maybe just shame — would have soft-peddled that. I imagine that the 2020 nominating convention of the Neo-Baath Party will feature something similar

Some of Ahmed's fellow Abu Ghraib inmates are here tonight. Stand up! Stand up! We honor your service! Ya Iraq!
While they waterboarded Marwan at an undisclosed prison and asked him for names of the members of a terrorist group he didn't belong to, Marwan just recited the names of the Manchester United midfielders from 1970 on! (...and Bush had them all detained.)

MEGAN: Oh, God, yeah, I don't know if you could hear it on TV, but every time the crowd started chanting "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!" I cringed a little. The shouted it every time the surge came up. I was seated next to a German reporter and I cringed a little and hoped she'd been at the DNC because I didn't want that to be her impression of our jingoistic little nation.

SPENCER: It's like how Rick Davis said bluntly that "this election is not about issues." Well fucking obviously when your agenda has been decisively refuted by the cold hand of reality. All that's left is treacly videos about pledging allegiance to the flag and comparing "the angry left" to North Vietnamese torturers.

MEGAN: You should've seen the standing ovation that line got, by the way. Also, if you didn't see the Reagan tribute video, you really missed something. It was all about how much he loved his wife and shit. Also, he saved this country! I heard one reporter openly snort at that assertion. I love being in the press box sometimes. In Denver, everyone was super quiet (or maybe it was just the section I was in), but here people are sort of milling around and talking to one another and stuff. Possibly because they released the full texts of all the speeches relatively early.

SPENCER: Fucking liberal reporters. I wonder what would happen if the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan asked a room full of anti-gay Republicans for a blowjob. Which principle is the controlling one?

MEGAN: One blow job doesn't make you gay. Liking it makes you gay... Oh, wait, never mind.

SPENCER: OK I need to wrap this up fairly soon so I can go to Glover Park and beg the Afghan consulate for a same-day visa in order to make my flight tomorrow to Afghanistan.

MEGAN: I am so excited for you which is only slightly tinged with worry for my friend...

SPENCER: I'll be totally fine. Well, presuming my body armor arrives at my office later today. If not, then you can worry.

MEGAN: I will be keeping my fingers crossed for that then. I'm guessing it's not something I could pick up here at an Army-Navy story and overnight to you...

SPENCER: Yeah, if only. Also, do you know that I can't figure out how to make a satellite modem work? I've emailed some people and am a bit reassured, and I'll talk to the guy at Inmarsat customer service today, but Jesus I'd feel a lot more comfortable if I could make this alchemy happen. This shit is heavy as hell and I'll be at an elevation higher than Denver. And this time without alcohol.

MEGAN: Dude, I'll stockpile the bourbon for your triumphant return to Washington... and to Crappy Hour.

SPENCER: I now have something to live for.

10:34 ET: John McCain can't raise his arms, so we should raise ours... no, not just one of them! That looks bad. And, he strides off stage. No basking in the crowd for him, he has a hot wife to get to.

10:33 ET: Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do to elect John McCain

10:31 ET: John McCain is going to shake something by the scruff of its neck (Fred Thompson: lots of scruff). Also, another standing ovation for anti-abortion rhetoric — he mocks Obama's "above my pay grade" comments on abortion, because Republicans know everything about God and would never admit otherwise.

10:30 ET: Another standing ovation for how taxing businesses is really taxing people. No really.

10:28 ET: Another standing o. Congress is unpopular and hasn't done anything, which is historic. Fred Thompson might have wanted to pay more attention during his tenure. Also, Fred Thompson says the Democrats don't have new ideas. Not that the Republicans do, really, they've both been peddling this same old shit for years. Fred skipped that last part.

10:27 ET: "A man who never quits is never defeated?" Yes, he can be. One who doesn't play... Oh, now we're mocking Obama's speech in Berlin, I think.

10:26 ET: People in Washington are self-serving. Ummmmm, Fred? Pot, kettle, etc.

10:25 ET: "That is character you can believe in." Guess we're off hope. Does the GOP write their own lines anymore, or just parody Obama's?

10:24 ET: John McCain was right about the surge, Fred says. People start chanting "U.S.A.!" Fred shuts them up with a wave of his hand.

10:22 ET: "Strength, courage, humility, wisdom, honor." Can we trust John McCain? A convention hall filled with people fills with applause. I guess that means yes.

10:19 ET: Seriously, these Twizzlers are a Godsend. "We hear a lot about Hope these days. John McCain knows a lot about Hope." Sir, I met Hope. You, sir, are no hope. My GOD, does it really matter how he was tortured? Blah blah, yes we know. Does he have policy suggestions? Positions on issues of importance to our country?

10:18 ET: John McCain was captured by the Viet Cong. Did you know? They tortured him. Wow, guess he should be President, then.

10:15 ET: McCain may have rebelled, driven a fast car and fucked a stripper, but he never broke the honor code. Also, the woman next to me has an open bag of Twizzlers. Her name is Christie and she works for Politics magazine and she saw me staring with longing and gave me one.

10:14 ET: John's mother Roberta McCain is here. Mama Biden kicks more ass though.

10:12 ET: "They're going to drain the swap." Drink a half a shot for an old Washington cliché from an old Washington cliché

10:11 ET: Palin's drinking word: reformer! Slam 'em if you got 'em.

10:10 ET: Oh, wait, here comes the mention of Bristol. Somehow that turned into a slam on Joe Biden. People cheer.

10:09 ET: Just because the Dems say they suck and have problems doesn't mean they aren't Proud To Be An American. Oh, and everyone is screaming and shouting for Palin.

10:08 ET: Gulf Coast, needs help, blah blah.

10:07 ET: It's Thompson time. There are a lot of people shouting behind me.

MEGAN: You know, it's only Tuesday and already I am really, really tired.

ASMA: Hey. I was wondering where you were!

MEGAN: Curled up under the covers having fallen back asleep despite no less than 3 alarms because I was tired and had the AC on too high!

ASMA: Ha ha.

MEGAN: Anyway, so, the RNC: far more protest-licious.

ASMA: Yeah, cool! I heart protest.

MEGAN: I heart protests, as long as they don't gas me at the same time.

ASMA: Did you get gassed?

MEGAN: No, but a friend of mine was leaving the convention center yesterday and saw it, so he barely avoided it, too.

ASMA: Whoa!

MEGAN: Tear gas is not a smart weapon... Anyway, so, what's been your experience so far?

ASMA: Denver was definitely mild protest-wise. I was kind of of disappointed actually. I wondered if it meant that the protestors were actually somewhat content with Obama being the candidate and thought that he would do his best.

MEGAN: I think it probably had more to do with the fact that they all came here on Wednesday because the protest organizers and leaders were all, "Leave if you plan to commit violence." In fact, Jello Biafra told the crowd last week in the Iraq protest to leave if they were drunk.

strong>ASMA: Well, I only just reached here last night. I then rushed off to do an interview. The funny thing is that everyone is all spread out between Minneapolis and St. Paul and everywhere in between. It's a bifurcated convention, with the actual convention being in downtown St. Paul and many of the events being in downtown Minneapolis. I did have a ticket to the Smashmouth concert but had to take an interview instead. So I missed it. But I am already in the throes of convention scheduling madness, with a blog due yesterday (still trying to get to it) and also a full day of events all over the place.

MEGAN: Ooh, I made it to the concert, though! There was a lot of white man overbite! Also, I met the biggest and least gracious Republican of all time.

ASMA: Who was that? Hulk Hogan?

MEGAN: So, Bill Kristol: totally gracious about having his picture taken. Rudy Giuliani: completely nice to my friend in an Obama hat. But you know who is too good for all that? Randy Scheunemann, McCain's foreign policy adviser and a huge dickhead.

ASMA: Except for the Black Eyed Peas at the DNC, I am not really a fan of any of the bands performing at the Conventions. And the Black Eyed Peas were performing during Bill Clinton's speech. So I obviously went to Bill Clinton's speech over their concert.

MEGAN: He and his goontastic sidekick tried to get me booted for trying to take a picture of him. I was with a Republican lobbyist friend who recognized him, too, and he basically called us Obamabots and was like, we heard you Obama people got in. And I'm like, ummmm, I'm actually credentialed media. And he was like, I don't believe you, I'm called security. So, I am now making it my mission to tell everyone that he is an ungracious dick. It helps that we were in a public place at a party where I knew more people — including Fox News correspondents — than him.

ASMA: What? That's ridiculous! "Obamabots": kind of a funny term though. I give him credit for originality.

MEGAN: I would, only I've been using it since January.

ASMA: Oh! Okay, well never mind that. I do think there is some liberal media bias/bias towards Obama at play. But, all is fair in love and war. No need to kick people out of a public event! Also, he should be relaxed because, on foreign policy, his guy has more actual experience. Playing partisan distracts from that fact. Unless he is truly threatened by Obama's foreign policy theories, but he shouldn't be.

MEGAN: Also, I am who I said I was, so he couldn't get me "kicked out." And, even worse, so was my friend. He works for a company that doesn't even really support Democratic Congressional candidates. He was stunned. I know he's a huge McCain donor. I think Randy just assumed because I was a young woman and knew who he was because I follow foreign policy I couldn't be anything other than some rogue protester. Which is sad, because plenty of young woman follow foreign policy and vote Republican...

ASMA: He sounds like a goofball. I think he's paranoid that everyone is pro-Obama. The campaign needs to be more confident and focus on its own message, not trying to play catch up.

MEGAN: It's funny that he's paranoid about that... at the Republican convention.

ASMA: My big convention news is that I was so thrilled that, the week before the conventions, I had my inbox down to 150 e-mails. Now, guess what, 250.

MEGAN: Good luck with that. My Blackberry has 1,141 unread messages.

ASMA: Yes, he should just relax. This is their time to show what they stand for and not being paranoid. And if an Obamabot wants to come to an RNC event, that's great. I am a registered Republican and attending the DNC was good for me. It really exposed me to some of the good ideas the DNC has and, actually, more compelling, the community feeling that Obama supporters have. I liked that. The RNC should be open arms to Obamabots.

MEGAN: I think that he and his goon actually enjoyed being dicks to someone figuring there would be no consequences for them. I mean, really, if Bill Kristol can be gracious and shake my hand and pose for a picture...

ASMA: Well, Bill Kristol knows that he has to appear to be neutral, even though we know he is horribly biased too. But he at least tries to appear fair. So he had to shake your hand!
I am just reading a ticker saying that the President may speak at the Convention still. Bad news, kind of!

MEGAN: No way! Oh my God, the next 3 days are going to be so horribly long!

ASMA: Yes, it will be a busy convention. I think you are having Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the DNC! It'll be interesting to see that now that Gustav seems to be over, is the party going to be like, "Okay, it's over, not that many people died, so let's go CRAZY!!!!!!!

MEGAN: Oh, I totally am. I just want to hide in bed until this is all over. Too bad my hotel doesn't have wifi — it's hard line DSL only, so I have to sit at my desk! I don't know, the parties were already pretty wild last night. It's just the Red Cross hit everyone up for donations at the door.

ASMA: Ha ha. Mine has Wi-Fi, but it doesn't seem to be working so I had to plug in. But, yes, otherwise, I'd be doing this from bed.

MEGAN: I miss bed.

ASMA: I am not a big party person. I just think that political convention-goers + parties = going to bed too late for something not really worth it. If I thought I could get a good interview or see a celeb or politician I like, I might go, but, honestly, not really in to that scene. If that makes me less of a blogger, well, then so be it.

MEGAN: I went to 4.

ASMA: I know, I can't wait to go to bed tonight!

MEGAN: Hey, if we end this now, I can go back to bed really soon!

ASMA: That works for me!

MEGAN: Good morning, and thanks for waking up on a holiday-for-normal-people to do this...

KAY: Not a problem. I got in late last night, but oh man, so much to talk about this morning: Sarah Palin probably wasn't properly vetted, another hurricane is going to slam New Orleans (probably), and the Republicans went ahead and canceled the Bush/Cheny duo at the convention today because of it.

MEGAN: I have to say, I do find it ever-so-slightly ironic that a hurricane is fucking up the Republican convention in Minnesota, in no small part after that right-wing pastor for Focus on the Family called for torrential, once-in-a-lifetime rain to fuck up Obama's speech and prove who the God candidate really was. Guess we know who God is rooting for, after all, going and reminding everyone how Bush and Cheney fucked up in NOLA...

KAY: Oh yeah, careful though, this guy had to apologize for joking that God was on the Democrats' side.

MEGAN: As far as I'm concerned, they started it. Also, I don't actually believe that God probably gives a shit.

KAY: But this whole thing reminds me of the guy in your office, you know, the slacker who comes in late and doesn't do his job, but then when evaluations roll around suddenly he's on time and makes a big show of getting his stuff done early.

MEGAN: Like, if S/He did, S/He wouldn't punish the Gulf Coast for it, right? We are living in the post-Genesis world.

KAY: Wait, we are? Shit, I was scheduled to sacrifice a goat for having my period later ...

MEGAN: I mean, when was the last time you heard Phil Collins?

KAY: Possibly in the elevator.

MEGAN: Anyway, I also love how McCain is all, "this is no time to play politics!" but already did a campaign stop there. Oh, wait, "assessment tour."

KAY: Right, and his new VP pick has such an awesome record on the environment. Know what will fix this problem? More drilling in Alaska!

MEGAN: Wait! John McCain told me that drilling here and drilling now will fix everything! How dare you suggest it won't!

KAY: Totally. And she thinks the "jury's still out" on global warming. Tell that to Gustav.

MEGAN: Well, like, the jury is still out. Civilization as we know it hasn't ended due to catastrophic environmental degradation, making it look like something out of Mad Max or Tank Girl or Waterworld or The Postman. And perhaps if Hollywood keeps Kevin Costner from ever starring in a scifi movie again, it never will.

KAY: That's one of the many things we need to do to protect America.

MEGAN: The other thing I wanted to touch on was Carly Fiorina's statement that women are smarter than to vote on choice.

The Democratic party has done a disservice to women by trying to hold women hostage to the issue of Roe v. Wade. The truth is the most important issue to women, all the polls say this, is the economy. Women are not single issue voters.

Because this is something I feel marginally guilty about. I don't want to be a single-issue voter, but when the issue is control over my body, I'm afraid my uterus beats out my brain, like usual. So, really, it's the Republican Party that is holding me hostage with it's no-abortion-not-ever-you-dirty-slut platform.

KAY: So true. I mean, it's a good thing we have Carly Fiorina to remind us of that.

MEGAN: I'm glad she has such obvious faith in my reasoning and intellect.

KAY: Of course, women simply can't be trusted to make rational decisions. The Republicans obviously thought they'd trick women by picking a woman as VP nominee. That way our little lady brains would make us think she's the same as Hillary Clinton. And, you know, we always vote with our vaginas.

MEGAN: I mean, I don't want to deny here that I make bad choices with my vagina. My vagina has made several poor decisions in my lifetime. But one thing it is pretty darn good at is distinguishing between people. And so my vagina knows that Sarah Palin is not Hillary Clinton, and my brain knows that even better.

KAY: Right? Well, here's hoping that this poll is right and women will remain skeptical and not be deceived by her "hockey mom" status and accent (which I personally find adorable and you'll probably hear in St. Paul this week).

MEGAN: I like accents! I find it strange when people ask about mine because it's such a strange mish-mash of all the places I've lived — I'll bet you've heard me break out a "wicked" or two when I've been drinking. But we definitely shouldn't dismiss the idea that people will vote for McCain because he brought her on the ticket. Obama needs to make a compelling case that voting for a woman like Sarah Palin, given her politics, is not a vote for women like Hillary Clinton's young mother in Ohio (or was it Iowa?) dying in childbirth because she didn't have insurance. Points like that need to be hammered home again and again. Plus, more pictures of polar bears. Obama should've totally visited Knut when he was in Berlin.

KAY: Everybody loves polar bears!

MEGAN: Except, apparently, Sarah Palin, oil companies and Stephen Colbert.

KAY: Right, well, at least Stephen Colbert's excuse is that he loves nothing more than himself. What's Sarah Palin's excuse? (Man, we love to hate Sarah Palin today.)

MEGAN: I believe that would be the Alaskan Permanent Fund. You know, the checks every Alaskan resident receives from the Alaskan government for allowing the oil companies to drill here, drill now?

KAY: Someone should really make a youtube video staring Palin with "drill here, drill now, everywhere you gotta drill ..." Maybe Will.i.am will go negative.

MEGAN: I'm recommending Fatboy Slim's Right Here, Right Now.

KAY: Get to work, Internet minions!