Edward Wyatt of The New York Times writes that Ryan Benson, who lost 122 pounds to win The Biggest Loser's first season, has gained the weight back and "thinks he has been shunned by the show because he publicly admitted that he dropped some of the weight by fasting and dehydrating himself to the point that he was urinating blood." Indeed, show officials have tried to keep other former contestants from talking to the press, and trainer Jillian Michaels says, "Contestants can get a little too crazy and they can get too thin. [...] It's just part of the nature of reality TV." However, Dr. Charles Burant of the University of Michigan says "the nature of reality TV" may not be compatible with the nature of, you know, health:

I have had some patients who want to do the same thing, and I counsel them against it. [...] I think the show is so exploitative. They are taking poor people who have severe weight problems whose real focus is trying to win the quarter-million dollars.

The gimmick of many reality shows is to take something that usually happens slowly — like finding a spouse or losing a large amount of weight — and speed it up for the benefit of the audience. Producers shoehorn whole periods of people's lives into a handful of TV hours, and it's no wonder that they squeeze out a little blood in the process. Gawker's Hamilton Nolan says that rather than watching The Biggest Loser, overweight people should "eat a few hundred calories less than you burn every day; exercise for no more than an hour five days a week, with a sensible mix of interval cardio workouts and basic weight training; lose a couple pounds a week; continue until satisfied." But for a lot of people, it isn't really that simple, and it would be kind of nice to see a TV show that promoted Health At Every Size. Jill at Feministe says, "a real show about health - where in the end there would still be some healthy fat people and some healthy thin people and some healthy in-between people - would make really boring TV," and she may be right. The truth is, what entertains us is rarely what's good for us, and the subtext of Jillian Michaels's statement is that the nature of reality TV is to exploit suffering and pain.

I don't want to be all get-off-my-lawn-y — really, criticizing reality television is so passé it's almost retro — but I will say that back in the days of scripted programming people only pretended to do things that were bad for them. Now we get to watch real people — people who, in the case of The Biggest Loser, probably feel marginalized by society — abuse themselves for free. It's probably too late to turn back the clock on this phenomenon, but it's not too late to call it what it is: a cheap way of exploiting the vulnerable. Not to mention a shitty way to lose weight.

On ‘The Biggest Loser,' Health Can Take Back Seat [NYT]
Shocker: "The Biggest Loser" Promotes Unhealthy Weight Loss Practices [Feministe]
Biggest Loser: Basically Killing Fat People For Your Amusement [Gawker]

I felt bad for her, I really did. But the thrill is gone! You done me wrong, PR. And it's not me: It's you.

Anyway: Here's what happened last night. Carol Hannah cried. She was comforted by the Aryan arms of Logan.

Carol Hannah cried some more, and was comforted by Christopher.

Later Carol Hannah bucked up and put on some mascara.

Tim Gunn had a mothertrucking meltdown. Don't make Snagglepuss angry! Or he will exit! Stage left!

Here's Althea's show. She said that she was inspired by sci-fi movies of the '50s and '60s.

I thought her show was more '80s.

Or '90s.

Carol Hannah's show was basically just stuff she wanted to wear. Here are the notes I took last night:
yawn
baggy satin
preggo top
bottle brush dress
cleopatra sea anemone

Irina was inspired by New York, and the armor a woman needs to protect herself in this city. Although I found her distasteful as a "character" on the show, her collection had some really nice coats and was more cohesive than the other two. Still, was it as good as collections by Kenley, Leanimal or Christian Siriano?

In the end, judges Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, Nina Garcia and Suzy Menkes agreed that Carol Hannah's collection had "impeccable tailoring" but was not cohesive and had too many ideas. The panel thought that Althea's collection was "plugged in to the street" and that she "knows what's cool," but Irina's "edgy" "armor" made her the winner. I was watching with a friend who declared, "this is terrible television." I sighed and agreed, but felt the need to point out: It didn't used to be like this!
So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen. Adieu.

(Except the show returns in January!)

Those of us who are — or used to be — fans feel like we are being tortured as producers drag this shit out as long as possible. All of this happened so long ago, the fashion show pictures went up online in February, and it feels like this whole thing has taken FOREVER. Since there were three finalists instead of four, they could have condensed the finale into ONE show, but no, they are forcing us (ME) to watch two sloooow-ass episodes of this crap. Gah.

Rant over.

So, Tim Gunn went to visit each designer as she worked on her collection. Carol Hannah — living on Long Island — was first; she'd been inspired by the architecture of Duke University. Tim's "Can I be blunt?" was much-needed.

Tim saying, "I love a kitchen" made me realize that the reason I'm obsessed with him is because Snagglepuss was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid. Alright already. Heavens to Mergatroid. Exit. Stage left.

Tim Gunn in an apron!

Tim visited Irina in Manhattan next, and her floofy, snippy dog Princess basically snubbed him. How dare you snub Tim Gunn?!?! Something is not right in this house.

When I saw this, even though I was watching TV by myself, I said out loud: "Are you kidding me? Project Runway is NOT ABOUT screenprinted T-shirts!" I wrote in the notes I was keeping: "WTF."

Do you think the fact that her parents gave their little princess "free rein" is maybe why Irina is so bitchy? Or do you think it's because her mother tells her she "has" to win it and she has "no choice."

Tim visited Althea in Ohio next, and we learned a lesson: People in sci-fi movies wear handknit sweaters.

Also, when Tim critiqued Althea's Edwardian wild west coat, Althea couldn't stop saying, "Yeah. Yeah." Even as Tim was saying, "This can't walk down that Bryant Park runway."

The only mildly dramatic moment was when Irina was informed that she could not use the Coney Island images since she did not create them. Duh. Also: Go away.

My favorite part about Nina and Michael visiting the designers was Carol Hannah saying, "I did not expect them to be here." Of course not! They have been missing all season. They don't even really recognize you guys.

My second favorite part about the Nina/MK visit was Irina initially saying, "Advice is always great." And then later, deciding to ignore Nina's extremely specific advice just for Irina.

The "surprise" was a surprise to absolutely NO ONE. Of course the designers had to make another look — it happens every season.

It was also not a surprise to see these kids, because former contestants always return. It was a surprise that Althea picked Logan, stealing sick-to-her-stomach Carol Hannah's man right from under her nose.

So even though Lifetime is, for some reason, making us wait another week to see the runway shows, the pictures have been up on line for months. if you're interested, you can see all the final collections here. Otherwise? See you next week for more of this bullshit, and we can finally say goodbye to the worst season ever.

Project Runway 6.13 Finale Pt. I + Final Collections [ONTD]

Writes Newsweek's Dahlia Lithwick,

The impulse to remove innocent children from their stupid parents simply because their parents are stupid is a strong one. But it sweeps broadly and often irrevocably. Was the Octomom showing good judgment when she had herself implanted with eight embryos she had neither the financial nor emotional resources to support? Do the preposterous Jon and Kate Gosselin really believe their children have thrived as a consequence of having their every burp and sniffle broadcast to millions of viewers? A clutch of children's-rights advocates and many outraged Americans argue that any parent who agrees to put a small child on a reality show should be, by definition, a child abuser. But our legal system doesn't agree. Despite data that show what happens to child stars, current laws are concerned only with protecting young celebrities' finances and making sure they stay on the right side of child-labor rules. Being willing to do virtually anything for fame and money isn't a crime in America. It's a vocation.

And so is judging the parents. The spate of shows showcasing stage and pageant moms, multiple kids and trainwreck starlets doesn't just cast a light on these parents (who, one can safely assume, wouldn't, in the absence of cameras, suddenly be parenting paragons) it also allows us to judge them - surely at least as much the point, from a commercial point of view.

The point has been made, and often, that none of this could exist for our censure without an unjudgmental network framework ready to exploit in turn, even if they can make the disingenuous argument that they're merely letting appalling folks hoist themselves on their own petards. In the case of Disney's child-star factory (sausage'd in appalling detail in the new issue of Time) the complicity is literal, and it's not as though the fate of Disney's prior products (Lohan, anyone?) is a secret to the House of Mouse.

As Lithwick points out, though, tossing "abuse" around gets dicey. In Colorado, at least (the Heenes loom large in her piece) to qualify as "abused" a minor must exhibit "evidence of skin bruising, bleeding, malnutrition…burns, fracture of any bone…soft tissue swelling, or death," and emotional abuse is defines as "an identifiable and substantial impairment of the child's intellectual or psychological functioning or development." Kids on TV is not in itself "abuse" - I doubt anyone's calling for child services to intervene on Little People, Big World 's Roloff family- and the truth is the Gosselins would probably have had their issues anyway. But it frequently draws attention to the more unpleasant side of parenting. In a way, it's not our fault: American Idol, Project Runway, various dance shows, have made us all experts on everything - and often literal judge and jury, too. We may want legal recourse, but bad parenting isn't a crime, and that's a very slippery slope. I think it's good - if good there is - that it starts conversations and makes us consider where interest stops and voyeurism ends. Because as Lithwick says, "whether and when to remove a child from the care of his completely nutty parents is a complicated legal question, not one that should be hashed out via online polls. State laws properly recognize that tearing apart a family is an extreme step to be taken when a child faces imminent danger, not when his parents make terrible choices." But we can moderate our own behavior, think about why we watch, and whether we secretly enjoy the superiority a little too much. That's legal.

What Makes A Bad Parent? [Newsweek]
Making New Mileys: Disney's Teen-Star Factory [Time]

While Richard and Mayumi Heene await charges — which could include up to six years in prison and a $500,000 fine — Larimer County Sheriff Jim Alderden says he's considering ""the possibility that . . . some of the media outlets may have had some knowledge about this." He adds, "Let's call it [my statement], short of speculation, that a media outlet was in on the hoax, but let's not discount the possibility." He wouldn't be specific about the outlet, saying only that it was a show that blurs "the line between entertainment and news." The AP asked Gawker (notably not a "show") if it had been involved in the hoax, presumably because of Gawker's exclusive interview with Heene employee Robert Thomas. Gawker editor-in-chief Gabriel Snyder said, "No, that wasn't us."

It's still not clear — and may never be — what "entertainment/news" organization was involved in the Heene's plan, or whether they got involved before or after the hoax was in motion. But Alderden's comments suggest that Falcon Heene may have been at the center, not only of his parents' craving for reality-show fame, but of the media's desire for new weirdos to put on TV. Sadly, both could still be satisfied.

The Heenes are unlikely to go to jail, according to the LA Times, because this is their first offense and because Colorado prisons are suffering from budget cuts. And, according to TV experts (whose very existence seems like sort of a sign of the end-times), their willingness to waste tens of thousands of taxpayer dollars and force small children to lie on Larry King will be no obstacle to their continued fame. Tim Brooks, co-author of "The Complete Directory to Prime Time Network and Cable TV Shows," says,

In terms of what TV will exploit, there are few barriers - and I don't think this crossed any of them. I wouldn't be at all surprised if we see them again.

And Robert Thompson of the Center for Television and Popular Culture at Syracuse reminds us (like we need to be reminded) that reality TV is about "entertainment value," not moral fiber. He says, "'Real Housewives of New Jersey' is incredibly trashy. But it's a trash masterpiece." He does point out, however, that Richard Heene's weird, halting demeanor could stand in the way of his stardom. Thompson says,

On camera [Heene] was so inarticulate you had to wonder if he could put on much of a show. He'd get a question and there were these long pauses. Would we watch 13 episodes of that?

And would we watch 13 episodes of Falcon Heene vomiting? The kid was clearly put through the wringer by being made into his parents' ticket to fame and fortune, and (one would hope) some viewers might turn away out of compassion for a kid who wasn't really old enough to decide whether he wanted to be "balloon boy" forever. It's also debatable whether parents who would put a kid in that position deserve to continue raising him, and earlier domestic violence calls from the Heene household further complicate matters. Child Protective Services is investigating, but the family's lawyer says,

These are, by all appearance, well-loved, well-taken care of, well-adjusted ... little boys. I think unless they have good solid evidence of some sort of child abuse, these children need to stay with parents who love them.

No doubt the Heenes do love their kids, and it's good news that Robert Thomas says the boys weren't afraid of their father. All the same, it's pretty troubling that Heene so readily fed his kids to the reality TV beast, and that this beast was — and may remain — more than willing to gobble them up.

News Money Eyed In Balloon 'Hoax' [NY Post]
In A Jon And Kate World, Richard Heene, 'Balloon Boy,' And Family Have Future On Reality TV [NY Daily News]
Sheriff: Balloon Boy Hoax May Have Conspirators [AP]
'Balloon Boy's' Parents Could Be Charged With Felonies [LA Times]
Lawyer: Balloon Boy Parents To Surrender To Authorities [People]
Lawyer: Balloon Boy's Family Preparing For Arrest In Alleged Hoax Saga [ABC]
Exclusive: I Helped Richard Heene Plan A Balloon Hoax [Gawker]

Richard Heene has a history of posting odd videos on YouTube, capturing his far-out views on everything from Richard Gere to Wilt Chamberlain's sex life, but what I found most interesting was the anger displayed in the videos he films that pertain to women, an attitude that backs up the behavior shown on ABC's WifeSwap. It's not a surprise that ABC aired this, as this type of scene is the bread and butter of the reality show industry, filled with drama and "crazy characters." The trouble is, these aren't "characters" at all; they are real people who are either displaying truly upsetting behaviors or filling a role they think they need to fill in order to become famous, which is a disturbing behavior in and of itself:



Here, Heene discusses Hillary Clinton's potential secret life as a "Reptilian," or a shape-shifting alien who has access to the United States government. Interesting that he singled Clinton out above any other politician, no?:



To women wearing makeup, and how "good looking women" don't need it, and how women take SO long to get ready, and how angry it makes him when makeup gets on his face when he's making out with women. "How can they leave that stuff on man?" he asks about makeup, "It makes me sick!":



Here, he talks about Britney Spears and her breasts, and declares that too many women get "fake boobs," which he doesn't find attractive. He puts on a bra to demonstrate how "unnatural" it is for women to get breast implants:



"Fake Or Real" is a bit of a theme for Heene; it's almost like he's pitching a bizarre Mythbusters wherein he screams his opinions about popular urban legends before asking, "Let me know! Fake or real!?" and waiting for viewer input. I find these videos to be fairly disturbing, as Heene manically spurts out an opinion and grows angrier as he gets deeper into his own thoughts. I can't say, of course, if this is a "character" Heene plays, or if this is the real Richard Heene, but I do think that Heene's behavior goes beyond your typical "fame-whore" parent, seeking the spotlight.

I think it's a bit dangerous to lump Richard Heene in with the Jon Gosselins and Michael Lohans of the world; yes, there appears to be a pattern of manipulation, ego, and a desire for fame that these men all share, as well as a seeming lack of awareness or interest as to how their behaviors are truly affecting their children, but Gosselin and Lohan's behavior seems to be out of a desperation to retain some type of fame, at all costs, while Heene appears to want a platform that goes beyond getting into the Ivy and sitting down with Access Hollywood. Of course, this is all speculation on my part, and the online identity that Heene has created for himself is something, I'm sure, that will be studied for some time, until the police, and the public, get the answers they are looking for.

Maybe Richard Heene really is just another fame-obsessed man who will do whatever it takes to make it big, and maybe I'm reading a bit too much into what Heene expresses in his videos, but I think this case will force the country to re-evaluate our willingness to elevate the Gosselins and Lohans of the world to celebrity status, as well as the system currently in place, via instant fame channels like YouTube and reality television, that allow for people such as Richard Heene to get a taste of fame and find a way to manipulate the media into giving him more.

Heene's hoax may have backfired, but it was a success on several levels; here we are, listening to what he has to say, though not in the context he might have hoped. I'd like to say I'm not interested in seeing what happens next, but that would be a lie, and Heene's name is in papers across the globe, so I suppose his goal to be famous has been accomplished, as well. His stunt was a hoax, but his motivations, not only to get famous at any cost, but, I'd argue, to be important at any cost, to be the kind of person who is listened to and respected and followed, are pretty much the basis of the entire reality show industry at this point, which is no longer based in any sort of reality but in a world where everyone is already a star and a Someone with a capital S in their own minds. In that way, I suppose Heene's favorite question will ultimately be his legacy: "Fake or real?" Or, more accurately, how easy it is to blur the line between the two.

When I refer to the challenge, I don't mean getting the residents of Huntington to adopt better habits. I mean penetrating the "reshapping & remaking" genre of reality television, which is already full of contenders like The Biggest Loser, Dance Your Ass Off, DietTribe, and Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp.

Still, it appears the producers are pressing on:

Oliver came to Huntington last month and the show is taping in West Virginia's second-largest city throughout the fall. Months before it airs, though, the show has opened still-fresh wounds from an Associated Press story last year that used federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention data to proclaim the five-county Huntington metropolitan area the country's fattest and unhealthiest.

The town, for its part has fretted a bit about it's image in the world, noting that "the world's fattest town" isn't quite a label that anyone wants to adopt.

"All the years of statistics don't strike home as much as the threat of a national TV audience getting this perception about Huntington," said [Don] Perdue, who is chairman of the House of Delegates Health and Human Resources committee.

Even so, Perdue is worried about the show.

"If it's accurate and not positive, that's our fault," the Wayne County Democrat said. "If it's inaccurate and negative, that's their fault."

However, this fluffy article isn't sharing with us the full story. In the New York Times Magazine, a six-page feature on Oliver shows what he's really trying to accomplish. Oliver didn't come to the states to find the fattest people to put on display - he is coming to help expand his people first food revolution.

The article opens:

On his first day in Huntington, W. Va., Jamie Oliver spent the afternoon at Hillbilly Hot Dogs, pitching in to cook its signature 15-pound burger. That's 10 pounds of meat, 5 pounds of custom-made bun, American cheese, tomatoes, onions, pickles, ketchup, mustard and mayo. Then he learned how to perfect the Home Wrecker, the eatery's famous 15-inch, one-pound hot dog (boil first, then grill in butter). For the Home Wrecker Challenge, the dog gets 11 toppings, including chili sauce, jalapeños, liquid nacho cheese and coleslaw. Finish it in 12 minutes or less and you get a T-shirt.

So much for local color. Earlier that day, Oliver met with a pediatrician, James Bailes, and a pastor, Steve Willis. Bailes told him about an 8-year-old patient who was 80 pounds overweight and had developed Type 2 diabetes. If the child's diet didn't change, the doctor said, he wouldn't live to see 30. Willis told Oliver that he visits patients in local hospitals several days a week and sees the effects of long-term obesity firsthand. Since he can't write a prescription for their resulting illnesses, he said, all he can do is pray with them.

Last year, an Associated Press article designated the Huntington-Ashland metropolitan area as the unhealthiest in America, based on its analysis of data collected in 2006 by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Nearly half the adults in these five counties (two in West Virginia, two in Kentucky and one in Ohio) were obese, and the area led the nation in the incidence of heart disease and diabetes. The poverty rate was 19 percent, much higher than the national average. It also had the highest percentage of people 65 and older who had lost their teeth - nearly 50 percent.

In the midst of a town battling various ailments, Oliver arrives dispensing more than just solid food advice - he deeply appreciates the transformative power that the ideas of simple food and home have made in his life:

Oliver got personal with his series "Jamie's Kitchen," based on the Fifteen Foundation, which he created in 2002. Each year it sponsors 15 (give or take a few) young adults from disadvantaged backgrounds, including those with criminal records or a history of drug abuse, and trains them in the restaurant business. To kick-start the program and to finance Fifteen, the upscale London restaurant that would employ them, he put up his own house as collateral - without telling his wife. [...]

If he were just a professional do-gooder, Oliver, who is 34, would be a bore. But food has given his life focus and meaning since childhood, and he has honored it ever since. [...]

In last year's U.K. series, "Jamie's Ministry of Food," Oliver expanded his reach past the school system into people's homes. He chose Rotherham, an industrial town in northern England with a high rate of obesity and related illnesses, where 20 percent of the working-age population was on public assistance. He built a community center where residents could learn to cook inexpensively for their families while instilling the idea that healthful eating is not a luxury. "They thought that cooking a meal and feeding it to your family was for posh people," he said. Some participants in the show had never even had a kitchen table. They ate takeout food on their floors.

That project has proved a success and the perfect model for Oliver's mission in Huntington. The community center here will be called Jamie's Kitchen and will teach both adults and children the basic skills for cooking healthful, economical meals at home. Oliver will also work with local schools on eliminating junk food in vending machines and in cafeterias, replacing reheated processed foods with meals cooked from scratch with fresh ingredients. But there is no guarantee of success.

The reporter Alex Witchel, points out that Jamie's enthusiasm for food does not always translate to success. Witchel finds out from Oliver that only half of the schools from the flagship program are functioning properly - there are issues with getting school staff properly trained and willing to stick with the program. In addition, the children, once exposed to the wonders of eating fresh, unprocessed food, still revert back to many of their old ways once the pressure is off. Near the end of the piece, Witchel skeptically points out the residents of Huntington don't seem to be interested in being healthier as much as they want to be on television.

However, I think that Oliver has it exactly right. When he speaks to the people of Huntington, he's polite and hopeful, explaining that the problem they face has a solution. Changing food culture from one of convenience to one of health will not happen overnight. People need time to acclimate to cooking, to the taste of food that isn't injected with salt/fat/sugar/hormones, that change in lifestyle. One of my larger critiques with the current food movement is that is is concerned with ideals and absolutes, and doesn't take into consideration the role food plays in people's lives and cultures. However, Oliver, with his less than stellar beginnings, and commitment to people, does get it. And it shows he speaks:

Oliver picked up the mike. "Hi, guys," he began. "Some say this is the most unhealthy town in America. We're going to spend the next few days getting under the skin of the problem, and we're asking families, individuals, schools and churches to spread the word. Here, the odds are against you, you live an unhealthy life and die young. That's what the report said. So, this is not a sparkly, pretty show. It's about finding local ambassadors for change."

He asked people to raise their hands if friends or family were affected by obesity and bad health. Almost every hand went up. Oliver nodded. "What do you think the problems are?" Among the answers were: too much processed food in school cafeterias; a need for better prenatal nutrition; a call to stop putting Kool-Aid in toddlers' sippy cups (earlier, Oliver heard about infants' bottles filled with Coca-Cola); suggestions that restaurants offer smaller portions and that children's menus offer alternatives to burgers and fries.

Oliver took it in. "This isn't a freak show here," he said. "You're only a few percent away from the national average. Every child should be taught to cook in school, not just talk about nutrition all day. Good food can be made in 15 minutes. This could be the first generation where the kids teach the parents." That earned a round of applause.

"I got a billion dollars out of the British government and put it into the school system," he went on. "But it's still in transition, it's not all glossy yet. When parents get angry anything can happen. So I'll need your help. Hopefully over the next few months, we'll do some really good things together."

‘Fattest city' in U.S. braces for reality TV show [AP/MSNBC]
The Biggest Loser [NBC
Dance Your Ass Off [Oxygen]
DietTribe [Lifetime]
Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp [VH1]
Putting America's Diet on a Diet [NY Times]

"I come to America with nothing… At least I have my health." LOVE. HER.

So yeah, the challenge involved wedding gowns. Specifically: Taking divorced ladies' bridal gowns and turning them into something new for the "new chapter" of their lives.

Did you get a good look at Gordana's face when she saw the divorcées in white coming down the runway?

She has an awesome WTF face.

Leah: "I've been divorced for three months."
Gordana: "Congratulations."

Shirin's divorcée had a slender column dress, with not a lot of material to work with, and she had dreams of looking like Cher — a la "Half Breed." Shrin whined, "I can't do it," blah blah blah. Which was total bullshit. Have you seen Cher's "Half Breed" costume?

You don't need very much fabric at all!

Anyway, Shirin was frustrated, so she cried.

And sniffled.

And so on. The tender touch of Tim Gunn saved her from disaster.

OMG TIM GUNN SAID COUGAR. LOL.

Later, on the runway, Michael Kors tore into Christopher's dress, calling it "tin foil."

Highlights from the runway:


Shirin's dress turned out to be just fine. See what a hug from Tim Gunn can do?

Irina whipped up something lovely. But then again, she picked a dress with lots of fabric and lace.

Carol Hannah's dress: SPECTACULAR.

Yay! Gordana won with a punk rock edgy strapless number Taylor Momsen wishes she had. And Gordana won! America, where all your dreams come true. And if not, at least you have your health.

Lowlights from the runway:

Logan's pants and ruffle vest: Good idea, bad clothes.

Epperson's kimono wasn't terrible, but the competition was stiff. And we had to say auf Wiedersehen.

Don't worry, Epperson — you can still play along, with the Project Runway video game for Nintendo Wii!!!!

Press Start to Work It: ‘Project Runway' Video Game Is Planned [NY Times]

Earlier: Project Runway: Shower Loofas & Disco Pumpkins
Michael Kors Returns To Runway, Makes People Cry
Project Runway: Ra'mon Gets Robbed
Project Runway: Is Making A Dress Harder Than Kicking Meth?
Project Runway: Sewing & Sobbing
Project Runway: "I Didn't Try Hard Enough"Project Runway: No One Wants Chicken Thighs
Project Runway: Tender Tim Makes Everything Better

Ra'mon, a self-admitted sci-fi fan, was supposed to make a sci-fi garment. He had an idea about a reptilian princess or something, and started to make a jumpsuit — unitard, really, and when his model tried it on, she looked like a turtle without a shell. Sad! Ra'mon had to scramble, with two hours left, to come up with something else.

Meanwhile, in the workroom, there was a little crush forming: Carol Hannah was looking at Logan like she wanted to make out with him SO BADLY.

Oh yeah: LOGAN WINKED AT HER.

Carol Hannah on Logan: "He's really hot!"

Let's just objectify Logan a little more, shall we?

Okay then.

Ra'mon came up with a pretty cool lizard queen dress, but the judges tore him apart on the runway, calling it a "shambles." Guest judge Arianne Phillips, who did the costumes for Walk The Line, said it was "risky and ambitious," but he would get "no banana."

Highlights from the runway:

Epperson's genre was "Western," and his frontier woman dress was fierce.

Christopher's "Period Piece" garment was supposed to be for a Vampire Bride. The judges pretty much creamed their pants over it.

Nicolas had "Sci Fi," and made an ice queen confection, which won the challenge.

Did you see Epperson's face after Nicolas won?
He did not look thrilled.

Louise was in the bottom two, and, frankly, her '40s take on a flapper dress was not Film Noir. It showed very little imagination and even the judges admitted that Ra'mon seemed to have more vision.

Heidi called Ra'mon's snakelady ensemble "a home sewn mess."

"Your character may have been out of this world, but what planet was she from?" HELLO? THAT IS THE POINT. She is an alien lifeform. Jesus! Anyway: Ra'mon heard those two horrible words: "You're out." I don't understand how he could make gorgeous dresses week after week and get kicked off. He won a challenge a few weeks ago! It was Louise's first time in front of the judges, but she really failed the challenge, in that she didn't really create a character or something film-worthy. I'm mad.

[Ra'mon Lawrence Official Site]

[Runway images via MyLifetime.com]

But they dragged that shit OUT. So. First Tali had a little chat with Luke's devout Christian grandma, who, upon hearing that Tali was from Israel, was like O RLY? But turned out to be cool, because she is cool like that. (Clip above.)

Then Tali had to endure conversation with Luke's dad, who wanted to talk about Jews and Christians and "conflict." All of his body language said, You mean to tell me my son is thinking of marrying a durn furriner and a JEW for cryin out loud? Dad: Let the kids be!

Luke's dog Max did not get enough screen time.

Next Luke's family met Malissa. You could almost see the relief in their faces: She's blonde, all-American, probably not Jewish, yay!

For Luke's dad, it was love at first sight.

When Luke's dad found out Malissa likes beer, he was all, WOW. Then he proclaimed that she had "Irish eyes," which I guess is a huge compliment? Or maybe she smiles with her eyes? Smeyes?

Next the ladies met Luke's mom, who is sharp as a tack and can smell bullshit a mile away. She talked to both ladies about why they would even be on a show called More To Love, and while Tali said it was because she wanted to prove something about big girls and size doesn't matter and so on, Malissa said "on a whim." Malissa also told Luke's mom that she wasn't a chubby kid growing up and had only recently gained weight.

Luke's mom's diagnosis: Tali = awesome. Malissa? Silence.

Later Luke went for his last dinner with Tali and they got a little boozy and so forth and she was like, "I love you. I love you so much. I wanted to wait, but I couldn't." Luke said, "I love you too."

They made out.

Then Luke went for his last dinner with Malissa, who was all, "If you ask me to marry you, yes, yes, a thousand times yes." Luke was like, "You're such an amazing woman, yadda yadda." Then she said: "I love you." And he said: "I love you too, Malissa." SCANDAL!

Next Luke went ring shopping, and because the producers wanted to fill two hours, he looked at TWO RINGS…

…And described TWO women to the sales clerk who was just excited to be on tee vee.

Finally, in one last ring ceremony, Luke said to Malissa — and I'm paraphrasing here — you're a great gal, but see ya.

He asked Tali: "Will you marry me?" She said "Yes." The moral of the story is that a 300 pound Christian dude can date a whole bunch of fatties and end up with a hot stacked Israeli Jew. The end.

Oh wait: Tali would like to shout-out "the big girls out there."

Stay tuned for More To Love Too: There's Enough Of Me To Go Around — Malissa's Journey or whatever crap Fox will almost definitely cook up next.

The women were filmed at all hours of the day, in various states of undress. They were encouraged to wear bathing suits and dance provocatively for the cameras. Although they were told that they were part of a reality show to be aired on Turkish television, competing for a cash prize, the company instead sold naked pictures of the women on their website and asked users to vote for their favorites. For a subscription fee, viewers could watch videos of the women online, but despite what they told the girls, the footage was never intended for television.

The nine victims were all models from the Mediterranean resort of Antalya and the Aegean port city of Izmir. They reportedly responded to an ad seeking contestants for a competition-based reality show, and following a short interview, all nine women were asked to sign a contract. According to a Turkish newspaper, one of the "contestants" was a teenager, who may have been as young as 15. All of the women were told that they could not leave the villa unless they paid a fine of 50,000 Turkish lira (approximately $33,000). They were prohibited from speaking with their families, or from having any contact with the outside world.

"We were not after the money but we thought our daughter could have the chance of becoming famous if she took part in the contest," said the mother of one of the "contestants." "But they have duped us all." She says that while the women were not physically abused, they were told to fight each other and wear bikinis.

There are conflicting reports of how the women were rescued from the house. One Turkish paper claims that a girl got "bored" and called her mother for help, the Guardian reports. Another source says that the police stormed the villa after family members complained about being unable to contact the women. The HaberTurk newspaper said the women realized they were being duped soon after they arrived and quickly asked to leave the villa. A lawyer for the company that organized the fake show said that although eight out of the nine women had formerly complained that they were being held against their will, they were never actually held captive.

The men found in the villa were arrested on Monday, but have since been released.

Nine Women Rescued From Fake Big Brother House In Turkey [Guardian]
Turkish Police Say Women Held Captive On Show Set [AP]

Image via Cameron Self's Flickr

But duh, of course it was. Luke and chunky dudes like Jack Black, Kevin James and Seth Rogen always get the ladies, where as women are supposed to be THIN THIN THIN! Anyway: Malissa doesn't care how much Luke weighs. So Luke took her back to his hotel room…

…Where his bed was strewn with flowers.

And they made out.

I really enjoyed this Frankensoundbite of Malissa saying that she was shocked that a dolphin could support their weight. Kudos to someone in the editing room for cobbling those sounds together, because those words may have come out of Malissa's mouth, but not in that order.

The next day, Luke had a date with Tali, who, can I just note, is STUNNING?

Hot. Period.

Luke informed Tali that they'd be going snorkeling, and Tali, though she'd been in the Israeli Navy, informed him that she had a fear of water.

So Tali was scared.

And sad.

But she went snorkeling anyway!

And somehow Luke talking her through getting in the ocean made Tali fall in love with Luke and so on. And even though he's dating two other women, which Tali finds "annoying and disturbing"…

Luke took Tali back to his hotel room, where the bed was strewn with flowers.

And they made out.

Lastly, Luke went out with Mandy.

He told her he could picture himself being married to her. Then they made out on a bed strewn with flowers.

The next day, he eliminated her from the show.

Only two ladies left: Who will Luke propose to?

If You Answered Mostly A's: You Are The Party Girl
You are the mess of the series: you're always drunk, and when you're not drunk, you're crying on the phone to the boyfriend you are currently cheating on on national television, all while acting like he's not going to find out. You like to dance, drink, and party, but when the fun is over, you typically collapse into a ball of low self-esteem. You're a tragic character, as you will ride your wave of notoriety to many bar openings and Girls Gone Wild hosting gigs across the nation. Eventually, you'll either go through a very public rehabilitation phase or you'll sign up to win Bret Michaels' heart on Rock of Love 87: Roses And Thorns.

If You Answered Mostly B's: You Are The Bitch
Somewhere along the way, you realized that being the villain was more interesting than being the hero, so here you are, the biggest bitch in town. You're the kind of person who lives to make other people feel small and stupid; you don't always come right out and insult them, but you have a manipulative way of making people feel as though they'd better get on your good side, or else. The bonus? The audience loves you. Or they love to hate you. Either way, you're one of the most popular—or at least one of the most notorious—characters on the show.


If You Answered Mostly Cs: You're The Airhead
You're the Kelly Kapowski of the show: you're very pretty, and you're usually very nice, and you mean well, but you are often edited to appear to be as dumb as a box of rocks. This is not to say that you are dumb, but the editing room certainly makes it seem that way. You're often shown gazing at the ceiling for no reason whatsoever, and you start most of your conversations with "Um," or "What?" as if you've just been snapped out of a daze. Your plotlines are always boring and forced, and nobody really cares what happens to you on the show unless the Party Girl or the Bitch swoops in to add some excitement here or there. It doesn't really matter, though, because you're beautiful and famous and rich, and everything will work out just fine.


If You Answered Mostly Ds: You Are An Ear Of Corn
You are an ear of corn. How did you even take this quiz? You're pretty damn special! Someone should get you a reality show of your own! We could call it, "It's Amaizing!" Get it? Where are you going? Oh, you're too good for this now? Fine. You know what? You're the bitch, ear of corn. Yeah, I heard what you just said. Whatever! Whatever!


If You Answered Mostly Es: You Are The Famewhore
This little reality show gig is just a stop on the express train to super stardom, bro. You can't help it if everyone wants to see how you live your awesome life! You're so famous that eventually the show will revolve around how famous you are, and everyone will be talking about the greatness that is you. Your face will be everywhere, and people around the world will wonder how they ever lived without you. You know that when your 15 minutes will be up, nobody will care anymore. But you're determined to stretch that 15 minutes for as long as you can, and you will be as obnoxious as possible to keep your fame alive, even if it means turning the entire world against you. All publicity is good publicity, right?


If You Answered Mostly Fs: You Are The Voice Of Reason
Often enough, you supply the only "reality" on the show. You call you friends out on their bs, and stay out of the fights when things get too intense. You love your friends and your family and you try to keep a low profile. Unfortunately, you are too boring for reality television, and eventually you will either fade away or be forced to start taking on the qualities of The Bitch or The Party Girl in order to keep up with your friends (and their paychecks). You have to ask yourself: which reality do I prefer? If it's television, get ready to sacrifice a bit of yourself in order to play, well, yourself.

Thanks for taking our quiz! It's always nice when people stop being polite and start getting real.

Earlier: Which Reality Show Stereotype Are You?

• Question 1: What's Your Idea Of The Perfect First Date?
• a. You, baby! Let's get it started! Is my boyfriend Devin going to see this, though? Devin! I love you! This means nothing, I swear! NOTHING!
• b. Anyone lucky enough to date me is going to have a perfect first date, period.
• c. Well, he would have to be like, really cute? And like, we would go to somewhere like, nice? Um, and like, it would be romantic?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Whatever, you know? I just go with things, man. If love happens, it happens, but I can't force it, you know? It's just whatever the energy of the universe wants, bro, you know? Whatever the vibe happens to be. You can read more about it in next month's Playboy magazine.
• f. Something really simple and sweet. I don't ask for much. Just good times with good people.

• Question 2: What Is Your Best Quality?
• a. I can drink anyone under the table! Want to see?
• b. Why don't you ask your boyfriend? He seemed to enjoy several of my qualities last night.
• c. Um...I like a lot of different things? Like, um...I like unicorns? And once, I saw Lindsay Lohan at a party and I was like, "Oh my god, you're Lindsay Lohan!" and she was like, "Yeah, I am." And so like...I can identify people, you know? Like, that's pretty good, I think?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I mean, you know, what can I say? I know how to get shit done, bro. I haven't had any complaints, in any areas, if you know what I'm saying. That was a sexual innuendo. Just wanted to make sure you picked that up. Are you filming on the left? Film on the right, bro. You know my right is my better side. Although both sides look good in my upcoming photo shoot for People magazine.
• f. I'm a good friend, or at least I try to be. I could always improve, I guess.

• Question 3: Who Is Your Role Model?
• a. Megan Fox!! She is so hot and crazy!!! I am too! SPRING BREAK! OWW!
• b. Get me a mirror and I'll show you, asshole.
• c. Rolls? Like...for bread? You can be a model for bread?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. Jesus, who put me on this earth to be great. I actually discuss this in next week's issue of Star. You should buy a copy, bro. Buy one for your friends, too. It's gonna change your life, man.
• f. My parents. They have a really great marriage and they've always taught me that it's love and laughter that are important, not material things.

• Question 4: What Is Your Typical Saturday Night Like?
• a. If I remember it, it wasn't any good!
• b. You have to ask because you'll never be invited. That's so sad for you! Maybe you should go back to Nebraska or wherever it is you came from. I hear the cows on the farm are always looking for new friends.
• c. Um...Saturday is the day that comes after the day you stop working but only at night because like, you work during the day, but then like, the weekend technically starts at night, right? Why is it called Saturday? Did someone get sat on? Satted on? How do you say it?
• d. I am an ear of corn.
• e. I'd walk you through it bro, but it's too much for you to handle. Usually it just involves me and my beautiful girl being the most famous people alive, trying to get the haters out of our way. We can't help it if everyone wants to be like us. I mean, we're perfect, you know?
• f. I typically go out to dinner with some good friends and then maybe out dancing or for a few drinks. Sometimes if there's a good band in town, we'll go to a show. No big deal.

• Question 5: Where Do You See Yourself In 10 Years?
• a. Famous, gorgeous, and loving life! And I want to give a shout out to my fellow Coyotes, my man Devin who I love so so much, no matter what they say, baby! Now who wants to do some shots?!
• b. Somewhere you'll never be. I'd say something like, "But I'll never forget you," except, well, I totally will.
• c. Ten is five plus five!
• d. I hope to be the head of an international research company. Also, I will still be an ear of corn.
• e. Just turn on your television, baby, and I'll be there, no doubt!
• f. Happy. That's the most important thing, right?

Stay tuned for the results!

Take Malissa, seen in the clip above. When Puke Luke took her out on a one-on-one date in last night's episode, he gushed, "we'd have some good-looking kids." My theory is that he will end up with Malissa at the end of the show, because all of the other women have jobs like stylist/model/fitness instructor, and Malissa is a waitress. He says he wants someone who has her own dreams, but it seems like he really wants a woman to be a kid-producing housewife.

And seriously, in which universe is this woman Malissa fat, unattractive, or someone who finds it tough to meet a man?

Let's face it: She knows that she is hot.

Here are the other ladies in the final four:

Mandy, who is not fat and is, in fact, a fitness instructor.

Anna, who is not fat, and makes her living as a plus-size model.

Tali, the simply gorgeous Israeli stylis/decorator who is not fat.

There's still some drama left in the show:Malissa also seems to have (or has been edited to have) an evil streak.

She let loose a barrage of questions on sensitive Mandy, which made Mandy cry and say, "I'm an emotional wreck."

Then again, when Luke met Mandy's parents, her mom called Mandy "crazy."

Actually, Luke went on four dates, and met with some family members with each of the four ladies, and came up with four things "wrong" with each. Malissa never babysat for her sister; Mandy might not be ready for marriage; Tali is Israeli; Anna travels a lot as a model. (Anna was eliminated last night. Awesome career? You're not for Luke!)

But the real problem is that the show that was supposed to be about the "real" or "overweight" people finding love is really about one guy with 3 gorgeous, busty women to choose from. Decisions, decisions!

Tim Gunn was worried when Malvin described his jodhpurs as "chicken thighs," but he should have been more worried about the "egg" part of Malvin's top, which was not flattering. At all.

Here's the side view:

My boyfriend saw this and made a comment about dumping/placenta, and if you throw in "Ace bandage," that seems fairly accurate. Malvin is the perfect example of a designer who is into design but not fashion that women can wear. Or would want to.

Just a note: Rebecca's belly did not look anything like those pillows the models were wearing.

Mitchell made some giant shorts, which he found simply hilarious. Clothing in big sizes is always knee-slappingly funny. FAT IS SO FUNNY.

Heidi, Nina, Rebecca and guest judge Monique Lhuillier (filling in for Michael Kors) did not find the jumbo shorts amusing. Nina scolded Mitchell, saying his model was "a mess." MItchell's excuse: "I had some difficulties with the shorts." Right, it was so difficult to laugh about them and have your fellow contestants each stand in one leg.

The judges were also not impressed by Malvin's egg/chicken ensemble. "I don't think any pregnant woman wants to be thought of as a chicken," Heidi said, quite rightly. "I don't want to look like an egg," Rebecca agreed. Nina declared the design "bizarre."

Of all the dresses on the runway, I really liked Shirin's, and she was declared the winner.

But! I also really liked what Louise Brooks Black created.
Flirty retro-chic, in a sophisticated color, with lots of well-thought-out details.

Even though Mitchell's FAIL shorts FAILED, he was safe for another week.

But Malvin? His egg was cooked.
Auf Wiedersehen, Malvin! Oh, what's that? You have some last words you'd like to share with us? Okay.

[Sketch and runway images via MyLifetime.com]

But first: did anyone notice that this episode began with a close-up shot of waffles?
Just in case you forgot that fatties EAT.

There have been signs all along that Kristian is a bit cuckoo for cocoa puffs, but when she got an invitation to go dancing with Luke and Mandy and said, "Hopefully, Mandy falls and breaks an ankle…" that was more than a hint. I mean, the producers can edit footage to make you look kooky, or you can just talk to them and say wacko stuff. Your choice!

In addition, when Malissa got a one-on one date with Luke, Anna jokingly did a little "headdesk" move. Kristian took her "headdesk" a little farther, right down the path of self-abuse.

Malissa's date with Luke involved a helicopter ride to a vineyard, and then a ride on a bicycle built for two, which busted. Luke took responsibility for that, saying, "The fat kid broke the bike. I wish I could say it was the first time."

When Malissa came back from her date, she announced that she was in love with Luke. But Kristian wanted everyone to know that SHE was ALSO in love in Luke.

Luke invited Anna, Heather and Tali on a beach date, which annoyed Tali. She was like, great, "Another date in a bathing suit."

Of course, Luke had this to say: "I'm taking Heather, Tali and Anna to the beach. I feel anytime they can show off their bodies it's awesome; it kind of shows me how confident they are and that's a real turn-on for me." Yeah, it's awesome for you. When they got to the beach, none of the ladies took off their dresses, preferring to remain covered. But Luke went ahead and took off his shirt. And then asked the women to slather him with sunscreen.

At the mixer at the end of the episode, krazy Kristian did a krazy thing and told Luke that she loved him. In 3 languages. His response? "I'm flattered." Never a good sign. Then, as seen in the first clip, she was eliminated from the show. And she cried. A lot. And she also mentioned that she was "the biggest girl in the house," as if that had anything to do with it, and not the fact that she was delusional about her "love" with Luke.

Heather, who was also eliminated, also cried. But she had a better attitude about he experience on the show: she said she wore a bathing suit in front of people and didn't even care. And: "It's made me realize who I am despite what size I am."

On last night's premiere of Project Runway, we met many new characters. Like Johnny The Recovering Meth Addict, who was feeling hopeless and ready to quit. Tim Gunn fixed him up right quick!

We also met Ari, who's a little loopy.

Here's Ari doing a handstand:

When the contestants were given 30 minutes to sketch, Ari said, "What if we don't sketch?" Here's the look Epperson gave her at that moment:

While watching the episode last night (and furiously typing, for the liveblog), I was just enjoying being back in the PR world. Tim Gunn! Heidi Klum! Mood! But now, in the cold light of day (and now that the beer buzz has worn off) I realize that this first episode was actually very disjointed. Why take the contestants to the Emmys red carpet? Just because they could? It doesn't seem to have the WOW factor of taking them to the supermarket or the paper factory or whatever, as in previous challenges. And what does Lindsay Lohan have to do with the Emmys? Not a damn thing. In addition, LL didn't really add much as a guest judge.

Here's what Lindsay looked like when she liked something:

Here's what Lindsay looked liked when she didn't like something:

Here's what Lindsay looked like when she was unsure:

Here's Nina Garcia's face when that see-through toga nightie went by:

Here's what Heidi looked like through the whole runway show:
She's just happy to be there!

Of all the dresses on the runway, I really liked Irina's, even if it was a little safe, a little Carolina Herrera, a little Oscar de la Renta. It was gorgeous!

I also really liked Chrisopher's dress — a mix of girly and edgy, romantic and tough. Christopher won the first challenge, so this was the winning dress.

The losing dress? The "space suit from outer space" "disco soccerball" "halter diaper" made by loopy — but clearly, uh, creative! — Ari.
Bye Ari!

[Images via MyLifetime.com]