• Ian Halperin, who is pushing his book, Brangelina : The Untold Story, claims that Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston had a "heated confrontation" at a deserted Hollywood restaurant after Brad and Jen's 2006 divorce. Halperin says:

"Jen was upset and shouted at Angelina . . . There was an altercation, it got pretty heated . . . It reduced Jen to tears." Um, he also claims that before meeting Brad, Angelina was "interested" in other married men: "She said she wanted to go after either Bill Clinton or Johnny Depp." But for business reasons, no? Anyway: Grain of salt. [Page Six]

• Dumb/untrue headline of the day: "Only Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Would Take An Eight-Year-Old To See A Film About Nelson Mandela." [Daily Mail]
• Roman Polanski began his house arrest in an Alpine chalet in the luxury resort of Gstaad today. [AP]
• Miley Cyrus's tattoo allegedly says "Just Breathe," but the rumor that she got her boyfriend's name inked probably started since she dated a dude named Justin. Just, Justin. Just saying. [Daily Mail]
• Jude Law and Sienna Miller: So back on? Or just friends? [Page Six]
• "Sources" say that the reason Rachel Uchitel canceled her press conference about Tiger Woods is because Tiger gave her $1 million. [MSNBC]
• TMZ says Tiger didn't pay Rachel, but that she canceled her press conference because she was "scared for her safety" and fears"all the other people caught in what is becoming a very large net." What the hell does that mean? [TMZ]
• According to a report, Tiger Woods' mom and mother-in-law were at his house the night of the incident and came outside after the cops showed up, with Tiger's mom asking, "What happened?" [USA Today}
• "Sources say Bryon Bell, a childhood friend and President of Tiger Woods Design, bought a plane ticket for Rachel Uchitel to go to Australia in mid-November to secretly spend time with Tiger. The ticket was purchased by Bell using a credit card. He also booked a room for Uchitel at the Crown Towers Hotel in Melbourne." The trip, of course, was booked to coincide with the Australian Masters, which Tiger won. [TMZ]
• TMZ has emails between Byron Bell and Rachel Uchitel. [TMZ]
• Tiger Woods is allegedly offering his wife Elin $80 million to stay for seven years in a revised prenup. Worth it? [NY Daily News]
• Destiny's Child is reuniting — in court for a lawsuit over the song "Cater 2 U." A source says: "Matthew [Knowles] has a long history of trying to get songwriters to add Beyoncé's name to songs she didn't compose, just so she gets publishing royalties." Kelly Rowland is pissed, apparently, that she is even involved. [Gatecrasher]
• The usually conservatively dressed Taylor Swift wears a bikini in a new video clip. [NY Daily News]
• WTF headline of the day: "Kim Kardashian: I'm Back to My Ninth-Grade Weight." Next goal: 3rd grade! Then sexy as a fetus! [E!]
• This picture of some of the kids from Glee about to sing in Bryant Park = awesome. [Gatecrasher]
• Hollywood kids in love! Patrick Schwarzenegger is seeing Tallulah Willis. [Page Six]
• Naomi Campbell went to Art Basel in Miami and a source says: "She was pretty rude, didn't bid on anything, and spent the whole time clinging to her boyfriend. Who shows up to a charity event with a bodyguard?" Is she obligated to bid on anything? What if the bodyguard was for her wealthy Russian beau? This story reeks of sour grapes. [Page Six]
• Rihanna told some radio station DJs that she likes a tall guy with a big dick. Audio at the link. [TMZ]
• In an unrelated incident, Rihanna was the subject of a random search at LAX. [NY Post]
• The other Real Housewives of NYC don't like new housewife Sonja Morgan. "I had never watched the show before I joined, " she says. "If I had, I probably wouldn't be on it." [Gatecrasher]
• It's Britney's birthday! Celebrate with this "28 Years In 28 Pictures" column. [Pop Wrap]
• Busta Rhymes was fined $75,000 because a man claims he was assaulted by the rapper at a concert. [NY Post]
• Steve-O has been clean and sober and criminal violation-free for 18 months, earning him dismissal of a cocaine-possession charge. [E!]
• "There's 16 different licenses that I do; I do acting, music and TV. It's a lot of fun, so right now we're creating some different TV shows which I'm going to star in as well as produce and I'm just finishing up my new album." — Paris Hilton has a new perfume and a bunch of other projects and she is not going away. [Mirror]
• "It's hard for me. My wife passed away seven months ago and I don't want to think about the afterlife. I don't believe in that sort of thing. It'd be nice, if it were there. Woody Allen has that great quote where he says he doesn't believe in an afterlife, although he's bringing a change of underwear. That's how I feel." — Stanley Tucci, who plays a pedophile in The Lovely Bones, which deals with life after death, in a way. He shot Julie & Julia afterward, and says: "That film was the antidote to this one, and was exactly what I needed to do. I stayed at home, worked with Meryl, laughed a ton and made martinis every night. We're like two children together and laugh all the time, which is why we get along so well." [WSJ]
• "Of course, we feel like for us to put out an album titled Greatest Hits would maybe insinuate that we've got nothing left. I look at it as the end of Chapter 1—the first 15 years. I never thought we would last more than two albums. It wasn't meant to be a band. I would've called it something else if it were meant to be a band. Something other than Foo Fighters, I swear." — More great quotes from Dave Grohl at the link. [Time]
• "I'm getting my child a mortgage. She split time between New York and L.A. growing up, but she's a New Yorker. It's a house in the West Village, which is all she wants in life." — Courtney Love is giving Frances Bean property for Christmas. [Style.com]
• "There were a ton of paparazzi in the café with their huge cameras and laptops. I was like, 'Peter, oh my god, they are so into us. They're swarming us. We are so important.' It turns out Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise were living on that street. It was the winter, so the photographers would go into the café to download their pictures."— earlier this year, Maggie Gyllenhaal thought she and Peter Sarsgaard were the toast of New York. [E!]
• "I feel the consequences of that every day. I was going to put the hose in the most noxious of the cars I own, a Jeep, take some sleeping pills and take a nice nap in the front seat of my car in the garage." — Alec Baldwin, on calling his daughter a "rude, thoughtless little pig" in a voicemail. [Daily Express via Men's Journal]
• "It's been amazing [to have twin daughters] but complicated because of my current work schedule, which I have enormous regrets about… One would prefer to be held 24 hours a day, and the other is already suffering from type A issues. It is the eternal conflict of every working woman. I've done this to myself. And I have a wonderful, wonderful nanny who allows me to be a working person. The great challenge for me is to be all things to all people; I want to be a great mother, and I want to feel good when I'm at work. But it is hard." — Sarah Jessica Parker regrets filming Sex And The City Part Deux. [NY Daily News via Glamour]

• The new single from a singer named Lola is actually a track by Jennifer Lopez.

The song, titled "Fresh out the Oven," features Pitbull and is something La Lopez did "for the streets." [NY Daily News]

• Mary-Kate Olsen could have played a socialite teen vampire on TV, except the CW failed to pick up the show Blue Bloods, based on the book by Melissa de la Cruz. [Gatecrasher]
• Ellen Page will produce and write an HBO comedy called Stitch N' Bitch with Alia Shawkat and Sean Tillman. "The show follows two painfully cool hipster girls as they relocate from Brooklyn's Williamsburg neighborhood to Los Angeles' Silver Lake enclave in hopes of becoming artists — of any kind." [Reuters]
• The Russell Brand/Katy Perry romance is heating up: He texted her a love poem; she replied with a topless photo of herself. [Page Six]
• An Australian variety show has apologized for a skit involving singers parodying the Jackson Five and performing in blackface. Harry Connick Jr., who was a judge on the show, called the skit "disgusting." [AP]
• Carla Bruni claims she is in a never-ending "beauty contest" with the spouses of other world leaders; and considers Michelle Obama and Princess Letizia of Spain her rivals. [NY Daily News]
• All Hail Barbra Streisand, who beat Mariah Carey on the Billboard chart. [Ny Daily News]
• An "insider" tells the National Enquirer that Mackenzie Phillips worked as a "jet-setting call girl" in her late 20s — when she was pregnant with her son Shane. [Daily Express]
• Madonna's buying Jesus Luz a £1.7 million apartment; she's not ready to move him into the house with her four kids, but she's looking for something in walking distance of her Upper East Side townhouse. [Telegraph]
• Conan O'Brien and Newark Mayor Cory Booker have been feuding over the last two weeks, but Booker is ready to "bury the hatchet." In a written statement, O'Brien said he may not be ready to abandon Newark as a joke topic: "I want to again reiterate, I have only the highest respect for Mayor Cory Booker and the city of Newark, New Jersey — one of America's oldest, greatest, and most enduring punchlines." [CNN]
• R. Kelly has revealed that he suffers from illiteracy. "When I was trying to make it out here, I already knew, and I was stubborn about it," he says. "I don't even read really and I'm not afraid to say that. My cousins and brothers used to tease me 'you can't even read right. How you think you're going to come up?' The only reason I graduated from grammar school is because I had a great jump shot. I went to high school and [my teacher] told me 'you will one of the greatest writers of all time.' I believed. You [have to] believe it. You can't believe [anything] if you're hating. You can't achieve [anything] if you're hating." [AOL Music]
• Gloria Allred is accusing David Letterman of "sexual favoritism." [MSNBC]
• Remember when Joe Francis attacked Jayde Nicole in a club? Apparently the incident was caught on a security cam video. You definitely see him drag her off of a barstool by the hair. [Radar Online]
• Michael Vick is getting his own show on BET. It's a "docu-series" spotlighting his comeback in football and also his difficult childhood and dog-fighting ring bust. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kate Gosselin made fun of her mommy image in a skit on Jay Leno's show last night, telling photographers, "Leave me alone. Hey, what did Mommy say? I asked you to stop taking pictures and you continued… Go to your room," [ET]
• "Jon Gosselin: Kate is 'trying to prevent me from seeing my kids on their birthday.'" Eyeroll. [NY Daily News]
• Sponsors don't seem to give a shit that David Letterman hooked up with employees — there was a Disney commercial during his Tuesday show. [NY Times]
• Beastie Boy Adam Yauch had a cancerous tumor removed from his left parotid gland and says, "I'm taking Tibetan medicine and at the recommendation of the Tibetan doctors I've been eating a vegan/organic diet. I'm feeling healthy, strong and hopeful that I've beaten this thing, but of course time will tell." [TMZ]
• Julia Stiles and Bill Pullman are in the Broadway production of David Mamet's Oleanna. Stiles says: "I feel like Carol is one of the more well developed female parts he's written. There's something so interesting to me about how relentless and confrontational Carol is. For better or worse she's a force to be reckoned with. David Mamet is really good at writing characters that are flawed. There's something so fascinating about them in their bluntness." [NY Times]
• LisaRaye's new reality show will tell unflattering stories about Star Jones, Vivica A. Fox, and more. [Gatecrasher]
• "Prosecutors have declined to press charges against the sheriff's deputy who arrested Mel Gibson three years ago, citing a lack of proof he leaked details about the case." [AP]
• Alicia Keys is starting a new company, featuring a range of products; first up is The Barber's Daughters, handcrafted jewelry engraved with messages of hope. [Mirror]
• Stephanie Seymour's going through a divorce, and husband Peter Brant says she spent $50,000 a month on new clothes alone. [Gatecrasher]
• Matt Lucas's ex, Kevin McGee, who hanged himself Monday, had recently confessed his suicidal thoughts to a stranger at a gay bar. [The Sun]
• In the entertaining piece at the link, Phyllida Law — Emma Thompson's mother — talks about her daughter's struggle to have children, her adopted son from Rwanda, and her hoarding habit. [Daily Mail]
• Is Antonia Kidman getting married at her sister Nicole Kidman's estate in Sutton Forest, New South Wales, Australia? [News.com.au]
• Michael Sheen (The Queen, Frost Nixon, Underworld) plays legendary self-destructive soccer manager Brian Clough in a film called The Damned United, which is being called Sheen's "best performance of his big-screen career." [USA Today]
• Oh, yeah, and Michael Sheen also plays an Italian vampire in New Moon. But you already knew that. Twihard. [USA Today]
• Whatshername, the cagefighter, crossdressing, etc. [The Sun]
• "I love Susie Greene - she is so freeing. I analyze things from every which way. She just reacts without any kind of censor. Everything is an indignity, and she is absolutely sure of herself in every single response. All those doubts held me back for years: I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, is this the right dress to wear? Susie Greene thinks she is drop-dead gorgeous and everything she chooses to put on is drop-dead gorgeous. Imagine being like that." — Susie Essman on her Curb Your Enthusiasm character. [NY Times]
• Q: What's your take on the Letterman sex scandal? Many people feel it's hypocrisy for him to throw darts at other's sexual misconduct when he's apparently been no better.
  A: "Here's the difference. A — it's his job to do that. And B — it just shows people don't really know what the story's about, which is the extortion. It has nothing to do with sex. And we're idiots when it comes to sexuality. We still think if you're single, you're a slut, you're awful! You should get married. People have sex! That's it. It's not the end of the world. It's really no big deal." — comedian Lewis Black. [Reuters]
• "Heath was just so full of ideas and fresh dialogue and so unbelievably fast and inventive. He was still, in some sense, speeding from playing The Joker, which had liberated him in a way that he had never experienced before. He was always telling me 'I am doing things in scenes that I didn't know was inside me. I cannot believe it.'" director Terry Gilliam, who cast Heath Ledger in The Imaginarium Of Dr. Parnassus. [Mirror]
• Check out Heath in a trailer at the link. [NY Daily News]
• "We gave our blessing. We decided that it was so touching and that it should go on the air. It was a wonderful testament to the work Adam did. I only wish he were here to help so many more." — DJ AM's mother, Andrea Gross, who decided that his show should go on the air on MTV. [TMZ]
• "I don't know how to swim. So, I never spent any time on a beach. That's the good news. The bad news is that if you are drowning, I cannot rescue you." — Bernadette Peters, at a skin cancer event. [Page Six]
• "I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. I was on my way out. I might have been 24 hours away from dying." — Robbie Williams. [The Sun]
• "She's a manifester, if there ever was one. First-rate manifester. Madonna makes things happen. Put Madonna up against any 23-year-old, she'll outwork them, outdance them, outperform them. The woman is broad. And, of course, here you go: I still love her. But she's retarded, too." — Guy Ritchie, to Esquire. [MSNBC Scoop]

• In the teaser footage from Larry King Live, it seemed like Chris Brown didn't remember assaulting Rihanna. But Chris has released a statement which reads:

"There have been reports on the Internet that I didn't remember what happened that night with Rihanna. I want to try and set things straight. That 30 seconds of the interview they used of me was taken from a one hour interview during which that same question was asked something like four or five times – and when you look at the entire interview you will see it is not representative of what I said. The first four times – or however many times it was – I gave the same answer – which was that I didn't think it was appropriate for me to talk about what happened that night. I said it was not right for me and it really wasn't fair to Rihanna. The fifth time – or whatever it was – I just misspoke. I was asked, 'Do you remember doing it?' and I said, 'No.' Of course I remember what happened. Several times during the interview, my mother said that I came to her right afterwards and told her everything. But it was and still is a blur. And yes, I still can't believe it happened because it is not me or who I am, nor is what happened like anything I have ever done before." There's more, but it's similarly vague. He does say he wants to talk to a counselor about what happened and how to channel his anger. [People, TMZ]

• Madonna and Jesus Luz were at the Western Wall in Jerusalem's Old City, and caused a "frenzy" of onlookers and paparazzi. Madonna wore high heels, blue jeans and a black jacket; Jesus wore a black T-shirt and a blank expression. [Daily Mail]
• In an interview with TV Guide, Paula Abdul talks about her emotional farewell from American Idol. "You know, to say ‘no regrets' isn't easy," Paula said. "I feel like I have been such a big, huge part of the success of the show from day one. I loved being able to be the artist's artist; being there from my point of view of knowing what it feels like to be vulnerable and to be out there wanting to achieve the most magical moment in a minute and 30 seconds. To be able to do that was an amazing experience and the show was wonderful for me in that regard." But she will not be taken advantage of! "I stand on principle where many people stand on money," she explained. "I'm a hard-working artist. I've lasted in this business for 23 years. And you can't do that unless you are good at what you do. I believe in myself and you have to have your own self-respect." [MSNBC]
• Paula Abdul will be on TV — playing a judge on Drop Dead Diva and hosting VH1's Divas concert. [USA Today]
• While in Las Vegas, Jon Gosselin was seen jewelry shopping. He looked at a few pinky rings, but mostly checked out engagement rings. [Radar Online]
• Paris Jackson got her hair cut and her security collected the hair from the floor and put it in a bag so no one could take a strand and do some kind of DNA test. [MSNBC via Daily Mail]
• Michael Jackson had been requesting hospital-grade sedatives in order to sleep since 1994. [MSNBC]
• OMG: Soleil Moon Frye dressed up as Punky Brewster for her Twitter fans. Sunburst hair barrettes, stripey socks, a key around the neck. Holy macanoli. Video here. [TMZ, Ustream]
• Pete Wentz is working on a new comic book series, Fall Out Toy Works, and says: "I think after you have a kid, all of a sudden you want to do things that your kid can see." But the comic image at the link depicts robot girl with giant breasts and a mini-waist, which doesn't seem appropriate for 9-month-old Bronx. [USA Today]
• Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters were not even watching the Daytime Emmy Awards when The View won this year, after 11 years on the air. Joy Behar joked: "I always said that the key to success was showing up - this time I was wrong." [Gatecrasher]
• "Consider this year's slate of Emmy nominees for best actress in a drama: Sally Field, 62; Holly Hunter, 50; Glenn Close, 62; Mariska Hargitay, 45, and Kyra Sedgwick, 43. The single exception on the list is Elisabeth Moss, the ambitious, naive Peggy Olson in Mad Men, which recently returned for its third season. If Moss, who is 27, were to win, she would be the youngest winner in the category's history." [Philadelphia Inquirer]
• Kim Mathers did an interview with a Detroit radio station about her ex-husband, Eminem. She did not hold back, saying: "I can't stand him. He's an absolutely horrible person and he gets worse every day. I vomit in my mouth whenever I'm around him or I hear his name. There's nothing left in me for him. Nothing at all. He's not very well endowed. If you're going to have sex with Marshall, make sure you have a little blue pill, because otherwise it does not work." [The Sun]
• Real Housewives Of New York City is filming again; a crew was seen at Jill Zarin's fabric firm yesterday. But a source says there are two new women "waiting in the wings." [Page Six]
• Here's the reason Amy Winehouse was seen with magic marker freckles on her nose: Blake Fielder-Civil used to call her his "lioness." A source says: "She painted the orange marks on her nose and wore a tiger-print top so that Blake would notice." Uh, do lions have freckles? [The Sun]
• Jay-Z will mark the eighth anniversary of 9/11 with a concert to benefit the families of New York's Finest and Bravest who died that day. [Page Six]
• Interested in a story linking Sharon Osbourne, Ryan Jenkins, Jasmine Fiore, Michael Jackson, Tommy Lee Jones ... and Kevin Bacon? [TMZ]
• Keanu Reeves will star in and produce Henry's Crime, a romcom about a bighearted man who is falsely accused of robbing a bank in Buffalo. [Variety]
• Tia and Tamera Mowry will star in a Lifetime move called Double Wedding. Twin sisters begin dating the same man; cue hijinks. [Variety]
• In an interview to air on September 11, ESPN reporter Erin Andrews tells Oprah that having secretly taped nude footage of her on the internet was a "nightmare." [AP]
• "Stephen Fry: gorillas staring at my moobs inspired weight loss. Stephen Fry has said he was inspired to lose five-stone in weight when he noticed gorillas eyeing-up his ''man boobs'' with jealousy." [Telegraph]
• Shania Twain has been "moving on" since her marriage broke up last year: She is nnow with the husband of the woman her husband had an affair with and will be a guest judge on American Idol. [Reuters]
• Whatshername has spent £150,000 on a new dressage horse "which she is calling Cross Dresser." [The Sun]
• Whatshername met her new boyfriend's parents. [Mirror]
• "I was raped when I was younger, more than once." — Katie "Jordan" Price. [The Sun]
• "[When I first met him] he was wearing an EPMD T-shirt, which let me know he knew and loved classic hip-hop music and was a true fan of the culture. He was excited to meet me and told me what the show I used to host, Yo! MTV Raps, meant to his music development. He really wanted me to sign his DVD of my film Wild Style, which I sadly never got to do. I would later check him out in numerous clips on YouTube where I could see he was truly talented and was elevating the DJ game to new heights along with Travis Barker on the drums. DJ AM and I would exchange small messages on Twitter and I'd often notice him tweet about how he'd landed safely in whatever town he was in as a year ago he survived that tragic plane crash. His last tweet and looking at his @djam twitter page now looks like a monument to a fallen soldier in the culture war, which he was winning. R.I.P. DJ AM...and the BEAT GOES ON!!!!" — Fab Five Freddy. [The Daily Beast]
• "I try to [Twitter]. My parents are way better at it, obviously, than me. I keep trying to figure out, like, do people really care if I'm, like, 'hey, I'm doing my laundry!' [laughs] I keep trying to figure it out, but I'm working on it." — Rumer Willis. She also reveals that her middle sister, Scout, is fluent in French. [JustJared]
• "My early life from infancy to leaving home at 16 was spent in care. I had some wonderful social workers who supported me and helped me achieve my goals in life. That's why it's important to recruit more social workers. There are many people out there, whether they be children, families, vulnerable adults, even the aged, who need a social worker. I want to enable them to have the support they need. Help us to help them, and maybe one day they may help you." — Samantha Morton. [Guardian]
• "If you are old you're not going to play young leads any more, that's a fact. In the film world, the camera loves a young person, man or woman. That's a fact... None of these things are ever going to change. So absorb it, live with it, get over it. I'm not being unkind, but I'm just saying millions of crones like me shouldn't suddenly be given the lead in things, just because we're damn old and very ... sort of recalcitrant." — Joanna Lumley. [Telegraph]
• "There was a photo of me with weird sunglasses on and a green sweatshirt, some striped thing, with tights and cowboy boots. Something really random where in some sense it's me. To this day, I have never read the article. I just saw the photo and thought, 'God, I look crazy in that photograph!' " — Mary-Kate Olsen. [Page Six]

• Lindsay Lohan is being sued by a Florida chemist named Jennifer Sunday, who claims the actress stole the formula for Sevin Nyne tanning mist.

Lindsay says she co-created the formula with Lorit Simon, a Las Vegas businesswoman who air-brushes tans for celebrities. But Simon had signed a confidentiality agreement in January with Sunday's company. By the way, Sevin Nyne is named after Lindsay's lucky numbers. [St. Petersburg Times]

• The Real Housewives Of New York want more cash before they'll return to the show next season. We're talking six figures, a clothing allowance and money for hair and makeup. Bravo is responding by interviewing replacements, haha. [Gatecrasher]
• Are Countess LuAnn de Lesseps and Count Alex on the verge of a reconciliation? [Page Six]
• "Rihanna's Risqué Fashion Choice Of Pasties Ensures No One Looks At Her Hairstyle." [NY Daily News]
• In a ceremony yesterday, Prince William was made an honorary barrister. He says: "I play football, rugby and water polo, not very well, but particularly pride myself in being a quite magnificent armchair centre-back at football and flanker at rugby... and now you have made me a barrister — I promise not to practise, except for the odd speeding ticket." [Telegraph]
• Barack Obama on Michael Jackson: "There are certain figures in our popular culture that just capture peoples' imagination, and in death they become even larger. I have to admit that it's also fed by a 24/7 media that is insatiable." [CBS News]
• The Michael Jackson memorial is today, and Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher and Lionel Richie will be taking part. [Reuters]
• Debbie Rowe, biological mother of Michael's children, will not attend. [NY Post]
• Will Michael Jackson's son, Prince Michael Jackson, perform today?!?!?! [MSNBC Scoop]
• The Jackson family was at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Los Angeles last night, viewing the body. [TMZ, People]
• Michael Jackson's mother, Katherine, has turned his bedroom into a shrine, with life-size wax models from Madame Tussauds and his old report cards. [The Sun]
• Word on Michael Jackson's kids — who have not been seen since his death — is that they are with their grandmother, Katherine, and are "doing as OK as can be expected." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Uh-oh: A Liz Taylor-Michael Jackson drug link? This piece details "How Taylor's pill habit fed Jackon's addiction, how the two shared the same doctor, and the warnings they both received." [The Daily Beast]
• In this interview, Brooke Shields — who first met Michael Jackson when she was 13 — says as Michael grew up, "the more asexual he became to me." She also says: "He was like a little kid who talked about the bases - what first base was, what second base was," Shields said. "It sounded very odd to the outside, I can imagine, but to the inside, to someone who's never really left his bubble, you can understand how he would be curious." [AP via Rolling Stone]
• Robin Leach has a blog (!?!) where he writes: "Just 48 hours before his death, Michael Jackson was 'in a high state of stress and emotional drama, fearing that he would never be able to complete the 50-concert run in London, and it would kill him.'" [Vegas Deluxe]
• Ugh, every funny or crazy thing the poor man said is now coming out as a headline. For instance: "Michael Jackson Wanted To Clone Himself." [Mirror]
• In a police report from 2004, five doctors are named as continually prescribing drugs for Michael Jackson. [The Wrap]
• Congressman Peter King — who ranted about MJ over the weekend — has more to say. He calls the coverage of the singer's death an "orgy of glorification." [TMZ]
• Michael Jackson news = huge traffic for TMZ. [AP]
• When Megan Fox went to Michael Bay's house to audition for Transformers, "He made her wash his Ferrari while he filmed her." Apparently this footage is now missing. [Page Six]
• Madonna is in talks to perform on Simon Cowell's X Factor show; Lady GaGa and Rihanna may also make appearances. [The Sun]
• By the by: Madonna has plans to do a concert in Warsaw, Poland on a day celebrating the Virgin Mary; Lech Walesa calls this "Satanic provocation." [Reuters]
• The Office's Jenna Fischer: Engaged! [People]
• A Brit paper claims Kelly Osbourne called Lady GaGa a "butterface": Kelly responds, "I have a big mouth and that's no secret… BUT when words are being put into my mouth and things are being printed that I did not say it really makes me really mad. I am a huge fan of Lady GaGa. If anything i'm slightly jealous of her wardrobe and I am definitely in no position to be calling anyone a butter face." [Perez]
• Diddy's White Party is being called "B-list" because Tila Tequila, Tara Reid and Tom Green were there, but what about Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Russell Brand, Jonah Hill and Lindsay Lohan? [Page Six]
• Twilight star Kellan Lutz and 90210's AnnaLynne McCord are so totally on, but don't want people to know. Luckily, you don't even care, do you? [Page Six]
• Scores, a "gentleman's club" in New York City, has offered Heidi Montag $25,000 to strip. [PopCrunch]
• Paula Abdul calls the American Idol panel a dysfunctional family of sorts." To wit: "I'm the nurturing mom, Simon's the disapproving dad, and Randy's the cool brother." Oh, and forgotten stepsister, whatshername? [AP]
• Here is a sentence from a story about Agyness Deyn's love life: "Agyness Deyn is now all loved up with cheeky Scouse musician Miles Kane from The Rascals, who is also one half of The Last Shadow Puppets." Got it? [The Sun]
• Well, this should be insane: Kathy Griffin will host Comedy Central's roast on Joan Rivers. "I will be roasting Joan with more gentleness and tenderness than her latest chemical peel," quips Kath. [Variety]
• Bruce Willis' Idaho ski lodge burned down earlier this year, and the actor is planning on rebuilding bigger and better. [USA Today]
• Ooh la la: Kristin Scott Thomas will star in a production of A Little Night Music on the stage in Paris. [Variety]
• My übercrush Benicio Del Toro visited a prison in Puerto Rico Monday, telling inmates in a theater group: "I believe everyone needs a second chance… I am here to help reaffirm that as long as there is life, you can still help society in some way, you can improve yourself." [AP]
• Even though Winona Ryder has said a Heathers sequel was "in the works," the film's director, Michael Lehmann, says: "Winona brings it up every once in a while and [writer] Dan Waters and I will joke about it but as far as I know there's no script and no plans to do the sequel. I never thought it made sense to see a sequel to a movie which took place in a specific time and specific place and in which many of the characters got killed off." Well. Fuck me gently with a chain saw. [Daily Express]
• Anna Kournikova was seen with a huge diamond ring on THAT finger but tried to hide it and refused to elaborate. [AP, Page Six]
• Blind item! "Damage control! Which hard-partying actor rushed back to his local AA chapter when he was caught drinking, but is actually still on the sauce?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Quidditch is right up there with the least fun things I've done in Harry Potter. It's not a pleasant experience, it does hurt quite a lot and it's not something I would rush back to." — Daniel Radcliffe. [Telegraph]
• "I've had a cross tattooed over the tattoo I got of his name. I won't get his name removed because he was part of my life but I just want to get on with the divorce now." — Katie "Jordan" Price on estranged hubs Peter Andre. [The Sun]
• "I would like to think I haven't been influenced by him too much just by playing him for so long. I am thrilled to have this in my life, but it is separate from my life, you know? It's nice to be called Dan. And actually I started correcting people now. You do feel like a bit of an idiot doing that, but at the same time, in the long run it is better for us. I know it's better for me." — Daniel Radcliffe, who would like to remind you that he is not actually Harry Potter. [LA Times]

• As you'll recall, Shia LaBeouf injured his hand in a car crash in July 2008. He says: "I'll never be back to 100 percent or have full recovery." And:

"I can't zipper my zipper or button my shirt without extreme pain. But I chalk it up as my own s—-. These things had to happen. This accident is what I needed in my life. I'm not in control. For the first time, I can admit that and know that. I'm a fallible individual, and the hand is like a tattoo that says MISTAKE. It's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life." [People via Playboy]

• "When I first started the role of Wolverine, back for the first X-Men movie, I watched a lot of Mike Tyson videos in my trailer," says Hugh Jackman."The way he just goes straight in. I kept saying to the writers, 'Don't give me long, choreographed fights for the sake of it. Don't make the fights pretty.' Like Tyson, if Wolverine wants to take your . . . head off, he's going to do it." [LA Times]
• Even though Tyra Banks' stalker was found guilty, he won't go to jail: He'll "get help" for his "unhealthy obsession." [NY Daily News, NY Post]
• Madonna is not leaving her kids with Guy Ritchie while she tours this summer in Europe. She Twittered: "They go where I go." [Perez, The Star]
• Michael Jackson is afraid to fly to the UK because he's terrified of SWINE FLU. [Telegraph]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: When Chris Brown calls her producer looking for her, Rihanna says, "Tell him I'm not here." [OK!]
• Lindsay Lohan is being painted as "desperate" and "crafty": She has arranged to be in London next month at the same time as Samantha Ronson. LL will be doing a shoot for British Vogue; Sam is headed to do a series of DJ gigs. [Daily Mail]
• This report claims that Lindsay Lohan is such a train wreck, Harry Morton, who dated her 3 years ago about bought her an engagement ring, now sorta denies it: "I didn't really date her . . . I really didn't," the Hard Rock Café heir says. "It's embarrassing being known for that. I'd like to be known for stuff I've created or things I've done. I don't want to be known for that. No way." [Page Six]
• Andy Samberg once found $5,000 extra in his bank account. He assumed it was an error. After four months, nothing happened, so he kept it. [Gatecrasher]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, is adding to her posse of little mouths to feed: She's getting a shih tzu. [MSNBC]
• Sandra Bullock is being inducted into the Warren Easton High School hall of fame later this month. She's donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to the Louisiana school since Katrina ravaged the area in 2005. A spokesman from the school says: "Sandra did not attend Warren Easton High School, but we proudly claim her as one of our own." [Daily Express]
• Sad face: Singer Kelis, who is 7 months pregnant, has filed for divorce from her husband, the rapper Nas. [TMZ, People, NY Daily News]
• Q.You play the villain Nero in Star Trek. How would he fare against another bad guy you've played, Chopper? In a steel cage match, who wins? Eric Bana: Ohhh, goodness. Well...I'll say Chopper. [Laughs] But who knows? [EW]
• Hayden Panettiere has auditioned to be Chace Crawford's leading lady in the Footloose remake. They're both so large eyed and pretty, it's gonna be tough to focus on the singing and dancing. Oh, yeah, the movie is a full-blown musical. [E!]
• It's hard to even read this story without bursting into laughter at the picture of Robert Pattinson in his Dali moustache. And then the headline has the words "gay sex scenes." LOL. [LA Times]
• Kanye West's new book, Thank You And You're Welcome, is out now. Here is a snippet: "Love your haters. They're your biggest fans!" And: "Never complain without offering a solution! I'm often seen as complaining in situations when I lose. I see it more as an explanation of why I should have won." [Men.Style.com]
• Ousted ANTM contestant Fo (my fave!) is pissed that she was sent home: "Honestly, I don't want to sound too bitchy or catty, but I do think Celia [Ammerman] should've gone home before me, or instead of me, because I can put on a pair of six-inch heels and be tall, [but she] can't change. Age isn't something you can drastically change." [E!]
• Roman Polanski has not taken any steps to surrender next week: He's due in US court if he wants his case examined, but if he sets foot on US soil, he faces immediate arrest as a fugitive. He has not contacted the court or the LA County Sheriff's Dept. [LA Times]
• "Rebecca Romijn Lost 60 Lbs. after Twins – Without Exercise!" [People]
• Jada Pinkett returns to TV for the first time since the '90s with a TNT show HawthoRNe, in which she plays a hospital nursing director. [USA Today]
• Real Housewives gossip: Jill Zarin was "acting like a total nightmare" in a high-end boutique. [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate Olsen's boyfriend, Nate Lowman, has created a piece of art which mocks Lizze Grubman's SUV accident, an its in the MOMA. Grubman says: "I don't understand how a picture of me during a tragic time in my life can be considered art." [Page Six]
• Jim Carrey is in talks to star in The Beaver, a flick which "enters on the relationship between a man and a beaver puppet he wears on his arm, which he talks to and treats as a companion." [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's video of Johnny Knoxville discussing the documentary he produced, The Wild And Wonderful Whites Of West Virginia. The Whites are a family known for wreaking havoc. [NY Times]
• A newspaper in NJ is mad that Jay Leno made fun of their headlines: Page on claimed "School taxes going up" and page two's headline was "School Taxes Going Down." A spokesperson for the paper said: "Apparently Jay and the NBC folks didn't bother to read the actual stories, and instead got a great laugh out of what they thought was some kind of hilarious blunder on our part. Two different school districts. Two different tax situations. Is it really that complicated?" [Poynter]
• Miranda Kerr is not engaged to Orlando Bloom or publicly trying to get pregnant, but she was pestered by a reporter into saying that she eventually wants kids. Then she was asked about Heidi Klum's pregnancy. [E!]
• "It looks like Linda Hogan isn't the only thing her 19-year-old boyfriend is allowed to ride — a judge just blocked the Hulkster's attempt to keep the youngster from driving his cars too." You stay classy, TMZ. [TMZ]
• Farrah Fawcett's son Redmond O'Neal will enter rehab instead of going to jail. [People]
• Leonard Nimoy will receive a "special gong" at this year's Saturn Awards, given out by the Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films. [Mirror]
• Trivia! Elliott Gould is the only non-Muppet actor to be in two separate Muppet movies. [BlackBook]
• Blind item! "Which closeted TV icon should be more careful about whom he dates? He has been squiring an infamous gay bartender around town, and everyone's noticing." [Gatecrasher]
• "Everybody has a little mischief in them - I do. I like to live on the edge a little bit, and other times I think I'm boring and passive like everybody else. I've been working 15 months straight, so these days I feel like all I can do is have a day at work and then go to bed." — Ryan Reynolds. [Mirror]
• "I've been very fortunate to get to know both Schreiber brothers very well." — Carla Gugino, who has done nude scenes with both Pablo and Liev Schreiber. [NY Mag]
• "If you ever catch your present girlfriend at a sex shop with her two ex-boyfriends and they're examining dildos, she's not the right one for you." — Breckin Meyer. [GQ]
• "All these random little stories become someway, somehow newsworthy, so you have to be very secretive about everything." — Robert Pattinson. [E!]
• "I think that my song selections are a little more hip. I know they're more uptempo. They're funky, they're sassy, they've got attitude." — Reba McEntire, who says last year's tour with Kelly Clarkson changed her perspective. [USA Today]
• "I loved rock'n'roll but there's got to be something behind the rock'n'roll. There had to be. We found, of course, that it was the blues. And, therefore, if you really want to learn the basics, then you've got to do some homework. We all felt there was a certain gap in our education, so we all scrambled back to the 20s and 30s to figure out how Charlie Patton did this, or Robert Johnson, who, after all, was and still probably is the supremo. Blues didn't just mean doing one thing or another — there was a lot of room to manoeuvre around the blues." — Keith Richards. [Guardian]
• "It's been two years since I washed my hair." — Prince Harry. [The Sun]
• From Heidi Montag's Twitter: "im so sad to leave mexico! im ready to get out of the pig flue country though… We landed!! Now I am just praying for health!" Also, she thanks God for her "soul mate," Spencer. [People, HeidiMontag's Twitter]
• "When I was four, my dad was performing with Aretha Franklin and, even though he made sure I was backstage with the nanny, I wanted to get up there and dance so much that I ran on to the stage. I was passed around all these great artists and Aretha held on to me so tight. All I wanted to do was entertain." — Miley Cyrus. [Daily Mail]
• "It's interesting, the older I get the younger they get. When I was younger they were all 50 and 60. I'm going to stop there though. I'm heading into dangerous territory if I get any younger." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on her costars. [Daily Express]
• "I'm trying to get [two-year-old son] Kingston to listen to the No Doubt records. He didn't know the No Doubt records, so now I'm forcing him to listen to them, and I think he's going to get into it if I can get him to stop listening to Miley Cyrus. He's listening to the Disney Channel a lot. But I think [nine-month-old son] Zuma is more of a No Doubt fan than King is." — Gwen Stefani. [Mirror via MTV]

• Justin Timberlake will attempt to finish what Ann Curry started: He'll head to Tanzania and climb Mount Kilimanjaro.

Timberlake's goal is to raise awareness of the global water crisis. Rapper Lupe Fiasco and singer Kenna are going with him (?!). He says: "I've been training four times a week to get my VO2 (oxygen consumption) levels up to expand my lungs. We'll climb a week straight, carrying 30 pounds on our backs. It's going to be intense, but it's going to be so rewarding. We're going to be ready for it." [Mirror via GQ]

• High times: Amy Winehouse and Snoop Dogg collaborated last year, but were too stoned to finish the tracks! [The Sun]
• But Amy has been getting all detoxed in St. Lucia — she does a lot of mud treatments to draw out impurities. [TMZ]
• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are mentioned as a cheap ploy for attention in this beyond stoopid press release. [Breitbart]
• Mel Gibson has "fled" to Costa Rica with his "mystery blonde." [Daily Express]
• Why hasn't Eminem been on the scene for three years? He's been on drugs. He says: "I wasn't ready mentally. I wasn't ready to give up the drugs. I didn't think that I had a problem. Basically, I went in, and I came out. I relapsed, and I spent the next three years struggling with it. Also, at that time, I felt like I wanted to pull back, because my drug problem had got so bad." He was also impacted by the death of his friend Proof: "I think it kind of hit me so hard. It just blindsided me. I just went into such a dark place that, with everything, the drugs, my thoughts, everything. And the more drugs I consumed, and it was all depressants I was taking, the more depressed I became, the more self-loathing I became." [XXL via The Sun]
• ZOMG Lindsay and Sam ran into each other. [Page Six]
• This report insinuates that Justin Long is super into Drew Barrymore, while she's all, we're just friends. [Gatecrasher]
• Kate Moss had to cut short a vacay in the Maldives because her boyfriend and her gal pal weren't getting along. [Daily Mail]
• Jennifer Aniston and Steve Zahn have a sex scene in the new movie Management. But poor Jen still can't escape being compared to Angelina; this column notes: "While it's no Mr. & Mrs. Smith, let's just say Mike (Zahn) ends up with his shirt off and his pants down to his ankles and Sue (Aniston) on her back on top of a table." [E!]
• The producers of Slumdog Millionaire have donated $740,000 to children living in Indian slums. [People]
• Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia has renewed Martha Stewart's contract and will pay Martha Stewart at least $2 million for the next three years so she can continue living as Martha Stewart. [WSJ]
• Even though In Touch reported that Kate Hudson would be on , she apparently doesn't "do" TV. The rumor is "not true," says her rep. [E!]
• Matthew Perry on Lost? "It is not true," says Perry. "I really don't know why those rumors have been floating about. I have admitted I am a Lost junkie. And at the press junket for [17 Again] I was asked what my favorite TV show was and I said [Lost], so maybe that's how they started." [EW]
• Mandy Moore got help for her new acoustic rock album Amanda Leigh from her "in-home teacher," husband Ryan Adams. [Mirror]
• Lady GaGa rocked the gay bash known as the Palm Springs White Party. She has said: "I love the gay community. Like bleeding heart love the gay community…it's a genuine love I have for them." [NBC Bay Area]
• Audrina on her new reality show: "It's my life after The Hills, my journey. It's going to be a little spicier, edgier, older." We think this means drunken makeout sessions. [People]
• Keisha Knight Pulliam, aka Rudy from The Cosby Show, is getting her own reality show on Oxygen, which involves her live-in boyfriend and will "explore what it's like to be "young, rich, single and co-habitating." The show will be called "Keisha and Kaseem." [AP]
• Guess who else is getting a reality show? Fantasia Barrino. [Reuters]
• Which Idol judge should go: Kara or Paula? [MSNBC]
• It seems that Bruce Springsteen is the "victim" in that NJ divorce scandal where the wife was calling him the other man in her marriage. A source says: "The wife pestered Bruce, but he didn't have an affair with her. He's freaked out that he was named in her divorce because he barely knows her." [National Enquirer]
• Daniel Radcliffe says the kissing scene between Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley is awkward: "Harry's got a real thing for her, and that is slightly odd because when we met I was 11 and she was nine." [Telegraph]
• Speaking of Harry Potter, the Half Blood Prince flick will open two days sooner. [NY Daily News]
• Uh, they are really squeezing the life out of this franchise: There will be a 5th Fast and Furious film. [NY Daily News]
• Miss USA contestants will wear swimsuits from the Jessica Simpson Collection Sunday night. [NY Daily News]
• Real Housewife Jill Zarin had a breast reduction and "feels 20 lbs lighter." [Page Six]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs has just been cast in a Judd Apatow flick, along with Elisabeth Moss and Rose Byrne. Get Him To The Greek stars Jonah Hill and Russell Brand, and the gist of it is that a record label intern (Hill) is hired to get an out-of-control rock star (Brand) from London to a gig at the Greek Theater in L.A. While it might have been interesting if things were shaken up a bit, Diddy plays the record label boss while Moss and Byrne play girlfriends. Of course. [Hollywood Reporter]
• David Duchovny and Tea Leoni are so back on they have matching tattoos now. [Daily Express]
• Catherine Keener has been cast in a fantasy/adventure flick called Percy Jackson, in which she will play a mom whose son is half human (his father is Poseidon). [Hollywood Reporter]
• Here's a profile on legendary producer Jon Peters, whose memoir is "filled with outrageous tales of Jack Nicholson and hookers, and Barbara Walters in her undies." he may have told a room of people that Baba Wawa had "a great rack and nice ass." [The Daily Beast]
• After saying that he "totally understands OJ" Simpson, Hulk Hogan has issued a statement, claiming he "in no way condones the OJ situation. As part of a larger conversation, he referred to it to exemplify his frustration with his own situation." [ET]
• Meanwhile Linda Hogan says she is "taking these recent comments seriously." [ET]
• "Electroclash godmother Peaches and voodoo loving rave producer Drums of Death get together in the latest issue of Dazed & Confused to talk about drugs, power ballads, performance art, their favourite fancy dress costumes, and working together on her new album I Feel Cream." [Dazed Digital]
• Former "pin-up" Heather Thomas has written a novel called Trophies, about Hollywood wives and fundraising. She says: "I researched this and found these wives are responsible for directing about 80 percent of the foundation monies in America. It is the wives who have the time and can draw things to their husband's attention. Trophy wives are seen as charms on a man's arm, but I have come in contact with a lot of billionaires and their wives are busy and often have PhDs and are brilliant businesswomen. I've yet to meet a bimbo trophy wife." [Reuters]
• A former publicist for James Brown is suing for control of his estate. [USA Today]
• Actress Tawny Kitaen has settled a fraud suit against her ex, so you can go back to not thinking about her. [AP]
• Blind item! "Which funnyman doesn't even bother to hide his drug habit? When pals come to visit his pad, they're just as likely to see baggies of cocaine lying around as they are to see throw pillows." [Gatecrasher]
• "Your blob [sic] is very funny and clever. You have so much fun with it. No wonder everyone loves it." — Diablo Cody's mom. [Page Six]
• "When the show started it was such a different beast. It was exciting and dangerous and funny and edgy and bizarre. [Then] it started feeling a little complacent, and that was very frustrating… When you have a jewel, why not polish it and put it out there for all to see?" — Nicolette Sheridan on Desperate Housewives, which she felt never gave her character enough attention. (Her last episode airs Sunday.) [LA Times]
• "Edie's already slept with most of the guys on the street and has caused about as many problems as she could. We will find a new kind of sexiness coming through Wisteria Lane. What I won't do is cast another fortysomething sexy blonde. [Sheridan] performed the aging neighborhood tramp better than anyone has ever done before." — Desperate Housewives creator Marc Chery. [LA Times]
• "I think a wedding is about love, friends, family and fun. I think spending millions of dollars on a wedding is ridiculous and it has never been my dream. I would never do that." — Salma Hayek, denying she is planning an extravagant $2 million ceremony to follow her City Hall nuptials in February. [People]
• "I think this movie presents the relationship between the media and the government - and it's kind of interesting because it says that the institutions are both a little bit corrupt." — Ben Affleck, on State Of Play. [LA Times]
• "I have a little blog that I do with some friends, but beyond that, I'm kind of clueless when it comes to the Internet. I just got e-mail down pat. So I've got to speed it up, I guess. But I tend to get my news from the radio. I don't know why, it's just the way I like it." — Rachel McAdams. [LA Times]
• "I kind of value having people not know where I am or what I'm doing." — Zac Efron, who avoids MySpace and Facebook. [Reuters]
• "I have never seen that (From Justin to Kelly), other than the time I had to sit through it at the premiere. I was contractually obligated to, and I fought that with tears - I did not want to do that movie." — Kelly Clarkson. [MSNBC Scoop via Rolling Stone]

• And then there were seven?!?! Angelina Jolie reportedly told one of the Slumdog kids that she is planning to adopt an Indian orphan. The papers will surely turn this into a race with Madonna. [Telegraph]

• So you know how Lindsay Lohan has a $115,000 Maserati but no job? Turns out a "porn king" loaned her the car, no strings attached. Uh-huh. Right. [TMZ]
• This UK paper is calling Madonna a "manipulator" who will "stop at nothing" to adopt a second child. They're saying she dressed conservatively for her court appointment, when she actually is way more wild, divorced and a Kabbalah enthusiast. Apparently Malawaians "take their Christianity seriously." Well, she did date Jesus! [Daily Mail]
• Hmm. Madonna wore a $2800 Chanel tracksuit while in Malawi. [Telegraph]
• The mark on Katie Holmes' back is indeed troubling. Scientology? Melanoma? [Perez]
• Countess Luann de Lesseps of Real Housewives has split with Count de Lesseps. He is "with an Ethiopian woman" now. Does this mean Luann is still a countess? Are any of the Housewives actual wives? So many questions. [Page Six]
• Meanwhile, Vicki Gunvalson of the California Real Housewives has been receiving death threats from an obsessed female fan who "takes the show way too seriously." [Yahoo via E!]
• The latest on Britney Spears is that while her dad was away, she hooked up with a backup dancer. His name is Glo, and she bought him some clothes and shoes. But now that her dad is back? "It's basically over," says a source. As you'll recall, the last time Brit picked up a backup dancer she got married and had two kids. [Gatecrasher]
• Halle Berry is "mentally ready" for more kids, FYI. [Mirror]
• "I'm not engaged. If she is engaged we have a problem." — Justin Timberlake on Jessica Biel. [The Star]
• Miley Cyrus says there won't be any more Hannah Montana movies. Also, she says if you're a young kid trying to decide between college or potential stardom: "Be a freak. Go to Hollywood." [Yahoo News via AP]
• The rumors that Rihanna is not cooperating with the D.A.'s office? Untrue. A rep for the D.A. says: "We have been in contact with her attorney, and he has always said she is a cooperating victim." [E!]
• Queen Latifah is being sued by a makeup artist and a fashion stylist, who claim she failed to pay them. At stake? $1 million. [Yahoo News via AP]
• ScarJo and RyRen went on a motorcycle ride. [Socialite Life]
• Drew Barrymore is back with Justin Long — in the movies, at least. He'll play her boyfriend in a romcom called Going The Distance, about what else? A long-distance relationship. [E!]
• Zac Efron dropped out of the Footloose remake, and now Gossip Girl's Chace Crawford is auditioning. Similarly pretty, but charismatic? Uh… [E!]
• Michelle Rodriguez will kick your ass if you try and snap her picture when she is not feeling well and sitting in a wheelchair at the Mexico City airport. [E!]
• Ben Affleck and Matt Damon are still friends, in case you were wondering. [People]
• When Jennifer Lopez arrived at LAX from Japan yesterday, Jenny from the block had 11 bags. [Daily Mail]
• Andie MacDowell, Mike Myers and Ed Westwick (!) took part in a kilt fashion show. Men in skirts! [The Star, Daily Mail]
• André 3000 was busted for going 109 mph in a 65 mph zone. He drives a Porshce? You'd think it would be a model T or something to match his plus-fours. [E!]
• Congrats to Alyson Hannigan, who had a baby girl — on her birthday. [ET]
• If instead of sparkly vampires, you like actual boodsuckers with fangs, take note: True Blood returns June 14. Season 2 photos at the link. [E!]
• Epic! Law & Order: SVU will be shooting at the U.N. [CNN]
• Star Trek hasn't yet hit theaters but they're already talking sequel. And Lost cocreator Damon Lindelof could be on board. [E!]
• The Karate Kid remake will be called Kung Fu Kid, says Jackie Chan. [EW]
• Friends, here is a picture of Sir Paul McCartney with his fly open. [Daily Mail]
• Friday Night Lights: Renewed for two more seasons. [EW]
• Blind item! "Which pretty young songbird is freaking out male paramours with her overly hairy tummy?" [Gatecrasher]
• "It doesn't mean no more musicals forever, but right now I had so much fun doing (new comedy film) 17 Again that I think that's the direction I want to head in." — Zac Efron, on why he pulled out of the Footloose remake. [The Star]
• "Max and I are really good friends. We were just too young. That's all it was. I still love the idea that we did it. I love the idea I can tell my kids one day about it and I know he does too. It just got really crazy. It was something that exploded. And then it ended. And now we're just back to being friends, which is so much better." — Peaches Geldof, 20, who doesn't regret her six-month marriage. [The Sun]
• "After this album and tour I have a brand new business I am setting up, but i can't say what it is yet. I am definitely considering quitting music." — Lily Allen. [This Is London]
• "If you've got a character, particularly on TV, you can watch him doing nothing if you like him. If you haven't got a great character, you could be delivering the greatest lines in the world, but who cares? There are stand-ups that just aren't likable. They can have the best lines in the world, but you go, (yawn) 'Yeah. Brilliant. Don't like you though.' Whereas, someone shambles out and they're a putz and they get their hands dirty and they tell you what a bad day they've had, you want to hug them. They don't say anything funny, they are funny." — Ricky Gervais. [Yahoo via AP]
• "I think they prerecord the backgrounds in the studio and maybe the backgrounds are a little lip-synced. But I think the solos are definitely live. Because these kids aren't dancers and they're trying to do choreography, that's why it happens … if it happens at all." — American Idol judge Randy Jackson, on the lip-sync controversy. [Gatecrasher]
• "Kissing him wasn't bad at all. Justin's a sweetheart, and the whole shoot felt very organic. It all flowed so well." — Ciara, on smooching Timberlake in her new video for "Sex Love Magic." [Gatecrasher]
• "We were going to a Mexican restaurant and he and I were the first ones in. We sat opposite each other. He looked at me. It was a look that wasn't sexual; it was almost evil. It was like rape except it wasn't sexual. I just burst into tears. I never forgave him for it. It was cruel. I think maybe he fell into what he does sometimes with women. He had no right to do that. I was helpless. I got mad at him, and I never talked to him again." — Cloris Leachman on Marlon Brando. [LA Times]

It all started when she had a play date with the disCountess to try on clothes and then refused to try on clothes, because she doesn't like that activity, as it reminds her of her harrowing days of being a model. Then the disCountess brought up Jill's charity event (for arthritic children), and how all the Housewives were expected to be involved. Kelly made this face.

She thought she'd dodged that bullet by dodging Jill's phone calls saying, "I'm not very good at answering my phone."

She said she wasn't happy being forced into helping kids with arthritis because she doesn't have time to work on her own charities, of which she has none. She also doesn't like to "lend her name" to anything (except, I suppose, when she was the face for Clarins) because she's a "private person." Uh, a private person who's voluntarily on a reality show with her children.

She eventually gave in and went to the charity meeting, showing up 30 minutes late, and leaving early. At the meeting, she said she didn't know that Jill's daughter had arthritis and that it's "cute." OK, first of all, that's a weird thing to say, but secondly, why doesn't she know that Jill's daughter has arthritis? I knew that Jill's daughter has arthritis. That, along with the fact that she didn't know that Ramona hates Simon because he showed up at the all-girls dinner made it obvious that Kelly did not watch season 1 of Real Housewives of New York City. If her name and privacy are so important to her, why wouldn't she do research on the reality show that would require that she relinquish both?

Furthermore, does she not read Page Six, which she writes for? Those fights were all over that shit.

Bethenny has her own theories on Kelly, saying that her reputation is someone who is really trying hard to be famous. Now, I love Bethenny, but her statement is like the skinny girl calling the ex-model thin. After an unsuccessful stab at being an actress (with nude scenes!), she was a finalist on The Apprentice. However, her story about how Kelly threw a party for Tommy Hilfiger's wife, and wasn't even awake when the party started, and then gave her number to Bethenny's boyfriend at the time (photographer Kevin Mazur), at least made Bethenny's beef with Kelly seem pretty valid.

My absolute favorite thing ever about last night's episode, though, was when Jill said that Kelly needed to put a "brarawn."

I've been talking about how I don't have a brarawn when I blog to Dodai and Jessica ever since we watched the best Judge Judy episode in the world, in which two women from the Bronx beat the shit out of each other, resulting in one of them biting the other's pinky finger off. (The biter told JJ that she "didn't even have a brarawn.")

Earlier: Judge Judy And The Lady Who Bit Off The Other Lady's Pinky Finger

• Too bad you missed Britney's Tampa concert: At the end of one number, she announced, "My pussy's hanging out." Why, yes, there is video. [TMZ]

• Britney's dad fired three dancers from her tour for suspected drug use. Keepin' it clean! [Daily Mail]
• WTF. Madonna dressed as a naughty schoolgirl for Purim? She seems to be wearing Lourdes' clothes. [The Sun]
• Madonna and Jesus Luz's mom are both bleach blondes who wear skimpy tops? [Gatecrasher]
• Miley Cyrus has tachycardia: her heart rate exceeds the range of a normal resting heart rate. She writes in her autobiography: "The type of tachycardia I have isn't dangerous. It won't hurt me, but it does bother me. There is never a time onstage when I'm not thinking about my heart." [Gatecrasher]
• Little Jakey Gyllenhaal looks like a brawny hunk in this picture from The Prince Of Persia. [The Life Files]
• So you know how Usher slammed Chris Brown, and then apologized for his comments? An insider says he was "forced" to do so. [Gatecrasher]
• This piece is about why couples reunite. It begins, "No one - not Oprah, not anyone - can figure out why Rihanna decided to get back together with an allegedly abusive Chris Brown." [NY Post]
• Usually we're talking about which team David Beckham is going to play for; this story is about which team he would like to own. "I have the right to own an MLS franchise, which I will action immediately after I have stopped playing," Beckham says. You also need about $40 million and a stadium. [BBC News]
• If you watched Dancing With The Stars last night you know that replacing Jewel and Nancy O'Dell, who were sidelined by injuries, are Holly Madison and Melissa Rycroft — the latter really stretching the definition of the word "star." She was dumped on The Bachelor. [AP]
• This story begins, "Should Dancing With the Stars be renamed Dancing With People You Might Have Heard Of? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Nadya Suleman, mother of 14, has a new house. Her father bought her a four-bedroom, three-bath place in Orange County, CA; the money probably came from the donations and from TV shows who pay her for interviews. Elizabeth Snead of the LA Times writes: "Tell us how you feel about this freaky freeloader — on food stamps, disability and lord knows what else — getting a new home when so many honest, hard-working people in the country are losing theirs." [LA Times]
• Whoa, Real Housewife of New York Kelly Killoren Bensimon was arrested for assault! Her boyfriend, Nicholas Stefanov, told cops she punched him… [NY Daily News]
• Gretchen Rossi of Real Housewives of Orange County denies cheating on her late fiancé. But what's this about calling some dude her boyfriend in a 911 call? [People]
• Uh-oh: TMZ is getting more involved in celebrities' lives: They saved Andy Dick from getting arrested. [TMZ]
• Lawyers for the late Anna Nicole Smith are asking the Supreme Court for help — the money dispute involving her dead husband and his dead son is crazy complicated. Everyone has passed away but the legal issues live on! [AP]
• Gossip Girl's Leighton Meester may star in a thriller called The Roommate. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Rebecca Romijn will star in Eastwick, the new ABC pilot based on John Updike's The Witches Of Eastwick. She'll be the blonde one? [Variety]
• Marcia Cross probably won't be on the new Melrose Place, even though that would be awesome. She says: "I'm really busy. I say never say never, but it's not the first thing on my mind." [Mirror]
• Anil Kapoor of Slumdog Millionaire will be on Fox TV show 24! [Hindustan Times]
• U2 used to be all over Apple products, but their new album has a partnership with Blackberry. What does it mean??? [AdAge]
• If you want to see Mel B modeling underwear — as she "prepares" for her Vegas burlesque show — click the link at the end of this sentence. The white corset is nice. [Daily Mail]
• Roger Friedman says Jane Fonda is "fantastic" in the Broadway play 33 Variations. OMG Dolly Parton was in the audience??? [Fox 411]
• Michael J. Fox is doing a special for ABC about optimism. [AP]
• Here's an interview with the chiseled Irishman Cillian Murphy. [MetroMix]
• The dude accused of stalking Saturday Night Live producer Lorne Michaels is a free man as his case was adjourned for six months. [USA Today, NY Daily News]
• Mischa Barton's been blogging about breaking up with the guy from the Kooks, yawn. [Perez]
• Anne Heche is officially single again, if you care. [E!]
• This picture of Reno 911's Niecy Nash celebrating her 39th birthday is awesomesauce. [Concrete Loop]
• Headline of the day: "Police Seize More Than $1 Million In Drugs From Phish Fans." [USA Today]
• Holy-crap blind item! "Which top model's plastic surgeon is in big trouble? He accidentally spilled acid on her chest while they were having sex in his office." [Gatecrasher]
• "Back up! Don't you ever touch me! You all make my life miserable." — Hayden Panettiere, to photographers and reporters on the red carpet at a hospital fundraising event. [MSNBC]
• "I have to brush my teeth before I go on stage, otherwise I don't feel smart enough." — Chris Martin. [The Sun]
• "I'm a very spiritual person and he's come to me many of times in my dreams… at the end of the day, he knows who's who and what's what. Believe that. And let me tell you something, the way he's feeling is going to come out. Like, trust me. Everything is going to come out later. You're going to see who he really loved and the ones that's standing up for him the right way is the ones representing him the right way. I'm going to tell you what my spiritual connection from Biggie is telling me, 'Don't look back, just do you' and that's why my success is right here for me… Biggie said 'Don't look back. Forget Cease, forget all of them because they going to be sorry. Cause what they did was wrong.'" — Lil Kim, who says the late Notorious B.I.G speaks to her from beyond the grave. [Perez]
• "I'm here and I'm doing it now and I'm working as hard as anybody. Life took me in a different direction, but I'm not here as a lark and I'm not whizzing in and stopping by for two weeks. I've done all kind of things in my career, but this feels like a big deal. Broadway has a mythic greatness — and an actual greatness. No one wanted me to be gone for a year and be unavailable for movies and stuff. They're right. It's a chunk of time. But I have learned from other times, mostly in terms of travel, when I said 'Oh, I'll do it next time.' There were many trips that I had a chance to take, and I'd say 'there's too much going on right now; I'm not going to do it' — and then I've never done it. Guys and Dolls felt like one of those things. In order to survive I will need to have a steady job again, like a television show, and so I don't know when this time will come again. But I fell in love with the play and I fell in love with the part. I thought it was a risk worth taking." — Lauren Graham, of Gilmore Girls, on her new stint as Adelaide in Guys and Dolls on Broadway. [WSJ]

• Amy Winehouse is househunting in St. Lucia!

She will be a Caribbean Queen. A source says: "Amy loves it over there and being away from it all has helped her hugely in her fight against drugs. She has been drinking and smoking cannabis but is still a million times better than she was in Camden." [The Sun]

• Brad Pitt took the boys — Maddox and Pax — to Las Vegas! They were spotted at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino last night. Meanwhile, Angelina and the girls (Shiloh and Zahara) are in New York. Donde esta los twins?? [People]
• Liev Schreiber might star opposite Angelina Jolie in the spy thriller Salt. Sounds like a good combo, no? [Variety]
• Rihanna is "torn" about helping the police charge Chris Brown with assault. [NY Daily News]
• Madonna may not be in the Twilight sequel after all. Sadness! She would make a very convincing bloodsucker. [ONTD via EW]
• The "intimate" details of Madonna and Guy Ritchie's divorce will be made public? Haven't we already heard everything? [Daily Mail]
• Studios are "lining up" to court Tom Cruise? Because Valkyrie did better than expected around the world, and because he promotes his flix so hard? [Variety]
• When Nadya Suleman, mother of octuplets, was on the cover of Life & Style, sales went "through the roof." Us is expected to have a good week, too, since it has exclusive photos of Suleman. The question is: Who is getting the money from the sale of these exclusive pix? [MSNBC Scoop]
• Kanye West's hair is evolving. "His ducktail seems to be growing nicely into the mullet-nub stage. Bravo." [NY Mag]
• Did you know that Kate Winslet was the fourth choice for her role in The Reader? It was first offered to Nicole Kidman, then Marion Cotillard was considered, then Naomi Watts. [Daily Mail]
• When Dita Von Teese said she went celibate for awhile after breaking up with Marilyn Manson, she was only joking. "I just thought it was funny to say at the time," she says. "I'm pretty sure it's safe for you to report that I've had sex by now." But there's no one dude in her life: "I'm just really enjoying being single, and having fun, global affairs. I'm enjoying being free, and enjoying different men...I'm enjoying being in the moment and enjoying everyone for what they have to offer." [E!]
• Dita is working on a second book: "It's a step-by-step guide to beauty for girls who don't want to look like every other girl." [E!]
• LOL at "Orlando Zoom." [The Sun]
• At the Brit awards, Bono joked that he wanted to be in Girls Aloud. Bass player Adam Clayton quipped, "Which one?" [The Sun]
• Duffy won three Brit awards and joked, "I don't mean to be greedy." [Daily Mail]
• Coldplay won zero, repeat, zero Brit awards. [Mirror]
• Amy Poehler's new show, Parks and Recreation, started filming today. Amy says: "I'm excited about settling in and doing a really specific character, respectfully written, and I think it's really funny and really small and low-stakes. And I enjoy small, specific, low-stakes humor." [E!]
• A drunk Josh Hartnett knocked over a bunch of glasses of Champagne at a Fashion Week after party and explained, "Sorry, I'm half-lit." [Perez]
• Mickey Rourke's agent, David Unger, says financiers preferred Nicolas Cage for the role in The Wrestler. But Unger explains how he helped Rourke make a comeback. And! When Unger's parents' dog died, he says, Rourke got them another. "He did it without telling me; my mother had tears in her eyes," he says. "Of course, they named the dog Mickey." [USA Today]
• Tupac is dead, but his legal battles live on: A production company is suing the company run by his mother, alleging they're "refus(ing) to honor and perform a contract of a production of the film based on the life of Tupac Shakur." Dear Mama: Keep ya head up! [Hollywood Reporter]
• Anna Wintour wants Katy Perry and Justin Timberlake in Vogue. Whatever Anna wants — Anna gets! [Page Six]
• Recessionista alert: Real Housewife Bethenny Frankel used a coupon when getting her hair done. [Page Six]
• Everything you need to know about Conan O'Brien's last shows is here. [NY Daily News]
• Eric Bana is working on a film called Love The Beast, about his obsession with cars and racing. But he's teamed up with an environmental group to offset the pollution caused during filming: "We love cars but love the planet more," a producer explains. [Reuters]
• Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to shoot a scene for a Sylvester Stallone flick, but he has a pesky budget crisis to deal with. [TMZ]
• American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee will make her TV acting debut in an April episode of CSI: NY. [Reuters]
• Sandra Bullock will star in a flick called The Blindside, in which a homeless black teen from a broken home is taken in by a well-to-d- family abd becomes one of the first players selected at the NFL draft. (It's based on a true story.) Bullock plays the rich mom. [Hollywood Reporter]
• E! host Debbie Matenopoulos is seeking $12,558 in temporary monthly support from her estranged husband. That's still a lot of money in this economy, right? [People]
• On that new show Confessions Of A Teen Idol, Eric Nies of The Real World and The Grind says he was almost going to be Batman instead of Val Kilmer. Stop laughing! [Videogum]
• Charlie Sheen's pregnant wife was hospitalized for premature contractions but she is already out. [E!]
• Charlie Sheen blabs about the nursery he and wife Brooke have set up for their twin boys, due in April. Yawn. [People]
• Slumdog Millionaire's Anil Kapoor says he identifies with the movie: "I also started from a very simple background. Bare feet. Running in the slums with my friends. Going through the rubbish." He grew up in "what they call a 'chawl,' a step up [from] a slum. You have these small cubicles, 100 or 200 sq ft, like holes, but they are made of concrete, and the ceilings are slightly different. For all of us there was a communal bathroom, so you have to stand in line. It's like two baths for about 10 families and two toilets for about 10, 15 families." [Guardian]
• What the world needs now: Little Fockers, the next flick coming down the line from the people who brought you Meet The Parents and Meet The Fockers. Ben Stiller will return; Robert De Niro and Owen Wilson are in negotiations. [Reuters]
• Calm down: The Rock is not returning to wrestling. He is, however, pushing his new flick, Race To Witch Mountain. Yay? [IHT]
• "I don't want to be known as just a pretty face. I loved Charlize Theron in Monster. I want to play parts that are challenging and inspiring." — Slumdog Millionaire's Freida Pinto. [Telegraph]
• "I thought, well maybe I'd like to get involved, but I was nervous about it and I thought, you know, I don't want to be a dilettante. People would say this guy's just an airhead celebrity and he doesn't know anything, and at the time of course, I didn't. So I thought: well I should learn about this and I travelled there." — Ben Affleck, on getting involved with humanitarian work in the Democratic Republic of Congo. [Mirror]
• "I can tell you that the guys have some standouts. That kid Danny Gokey is one of my favorites. Adam Lambert is pretty darn amazing. So are the guys who play the dueling pianos (Matt Giraud and Ricky Braddy). And Scott (MacIntyre) the blind kid, is fantastic. I love Megan (Corkrey). Oh, and Jackie Tohn - she's great." — Paula Abdul, on her American Idol faves. [MSNBC]
• "The difference now is for new bands. They are under so much pressure to release their material for free. It's different for us, we have a loyal fan base who buy our records. We can also make money from touring, thanks again to our fans, who go out and buy tickets. The danger in giving music away free is for writers. Where would Cole Porter be now? If you have to give away your work for free and you can't play live, where do you earn the money? It's an interesting time for music." — Bono. [The Sun]
• "I'm always looking for a man. But please, only princes should talk to me." — Nicollette Sheridan don't want no frogs. [People]
• "I think I won't [get naked in a movie] again. I can't keep getting away with it, and I don't want to become 'that actress who always gets her kit off.'" — Kate Winslet. [Page Six]
• "I hope Rhianna is getting counseling from a professional counselor who will tell her that there is no way for her to ever win, and that she will have to curtail her own penchant for escalating conflict by screaming at or hitting or humiliating her abuser. I hope he gets real counseling too, that is not from a minister or his mom or any other shame based bullshit method that will never work, and that is designed to avoid dealing directly with self-control issues. I hope that they both leave each other alone and get over their faults." — from a longish rant by Roseanne Barr. [DListed, MSNBC]
• "I can't pass judgment, but aren't fake breasts already looking really 1995?" — Jeanne Tripplehorn to More. [Page Six]

First of all, how ridiculous is it that they all take Cindy Adams seriously? The backstory: Jill talked smack about Simon to Cindy after she read some comments he made about her in a New York magazine article. The offensive quote was:

I've always loved to study people. I mean, for example, Jill's from Long Island, and boy, that shows. You can see these sorts of people from areas outside Sydney and London as well.

The thing is that such a statement is only really offensive if you think that being from Long Island is gross. What's weird is they're all talking about this shit while they're actually sitting in beautiful homes in the Hamptons - located on Long Island.

But seriously, Simon and Alex are weird. I thought it was particularly confusing when they were getting ready to go the Hamptons, Alex said to her son, "I have an idea. Francois, could you go into my closet and bring out some shoes you think I need to pack?"

Then he brought out these.

Patent leather, closed-toe, fuck-me pumps for the beach? He's straight.

Oh, and one last thing: How rich was it when LuAnn said that she hates when people think they're better than other people? What she meant is that she hates when people think they're better than Countesses who talk about themselves in the third person.

20.) Bobby Brown Farts On Carnie Wilson, Pees On Dee Snider
Bobby Brown took a half-hearted stab at earning a pay check and having a country music career via the reality show Gone Country, in which he lived with other out-of-work celebs down South and competed for a record contract. In this clip, he gets drunk, eats ribs, farts and pees.

19.) Teen Bathes, Then Bonds With Senior Citizen
Baby Borrowers was a social experiment in the form of a reality show that was supposed to teach teenagers how hard it is to raise a family and run a household. For some reason, one of the episodes called for the teens to care for senior citizens, maybe to scare them off of the burden of dealing with elderly parents later on down the road. In this clip, a teen has to bathe her senior ward, and then they have a touching conversation about the generational differences of filing nails square or rounded.

18.) Meet The Two Most Effective Forms Of Birth Control
Some episodes of Supernanny are scarier than horror movies. In this clip, two little terrors defiantly pick their noses and wipe the boogers on a wall, physically abuse their mother and say terrifying things like, "I have a dick and a weenie in my weenie," and "I'm gonna fuck you in your privates one day!"

17.) Vagina Insults Are The New "Ya Momma"
MTV's That's Amore — the spin-off of Shot at Love with Tila Tequila — featured women who incessantly talked about other women's vaginas.

16.) American Idol Contestant Who Looks Like Willem Dafoe With Face Glitter
Alexis Cohen was one of those "bad" auditions featured during the open-call leg of American Idol. They're always easy targets, but her working knowledge of the English language and her literal glittery attempt at polishing a turd made her the best of the worst.

15.) Stage Mom Has Violent, Psychotic Outburst
Rocky, stage mother to Haley, from VH1's I Know My Kid's a star first won our hearts when she asked her daughter if her tampon string was visibly hanging below her miniskirt. This freak out sealed the deal.

14.) Woman With A Half Wig Cries About It
Kim from Real Housewives of Atlanta attracted attention and confusion over her hair — an obvious wig that did not match the color of the natural bangs in the front. Her attempt at clearing the matter up (she had cancer!) only confused everyone more (wait, she only thought she had cancer!).

13.) Pussylicious
The reality show in which women compete for a spot (that's actually never given to them) in the the Pussycat Dolls lineup was called Pussycat Dolls Present: Girlicious, which obviously needed to be shortened to "pussylicious." Especially after one girl's introduction included her saying, "I'm Cassandra. I'm from Aurora, Illinois, I live in Chicago now, and I have a tattoo of cherries on my hoo-ha." Later, another girl gets injured and is forced to dance in her wheelchair.

12.) Women Past Their Prime Audition For Modeling Competition
She's Got the Look was supposed to be America's Next Top Model for the over-35 set. In this clip its obvious that there were reasons beyond their age that have kept these women from working the runway.

11.) Corey Haim Doesn't Understand Why Everyone He Knows Wants Him To Go To Rehab
It's always ridiculous/sad when addicts who can't fully open their eyes or articulate words think that they are fooling everyone. It's double ridiculous when it's someone like Corey Haim who has had a long public history of drug addiction.

10.) Is This Lady's Husband Gay?
Alex and her husband Simon were the breakout stars of Real Housewives of New York. They were attached at the hip, obsessed with teaching their uncooperative children French, and dropped $20k on opera tickets even though their Brooklyn brownstone was literally falling apart. But the question on everyone's mind was whether or not Speedo-wearing Simon is gay or just simply European.

9.) Women Get Wasted, Puke, Break Dishes, & Hock Loogies
This scene from Charm School: Rock of Love was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior since Bret took the girls to Vegas on season one.

8.) Stripper Mom And Porn Star Have Threesome With Dude, While Another Girl Mistakes Couch For Toilet
Scratch that! This is the was the most entertaining display of drunken behavior, brought to us by those classy roommates of Bad Girls Club.

7.) Flavor Flav Draws The Line At Herpes
As though he doesn't have the virus himself.

6.) The Matchmaker & The Mafia
Intervention is supposed to be a poignant, serious show about addiction, however, some of the characters — like this Italian woman who comes from a family who is part of "The Family" — make us smile.

5.) Denise Richards Calls A Celebrity Journalist A Cunt
As much as Denise Richards: It's Complicated sucked, it was fun to see the real reason behind why the tabloids are so hard on her.

4.) Brooke Hogan Is A Sexist Moron
The irony of her show being titled Brooke Knows Best escaped no one. In this clip, she reveals that her thoughts on politics, and how women's menstrual cycles makes them unfit to serve as President.

3.) America's Next Top Model Is A Menstrual Show
Per Tyra Banks' advice, women should bend over and wince in pain, as though they have menstrual cramps, in order to look "editorial."

2.) Terrifying Texas Mom Shows "Pansy" Husband Who's Boss
Wife Swap is a reliable source when looking to investigate the weirdos of America.

1.) Bikini Corie
The best elimination speech in competition-based reality TV programming ever, courtesy of Paris Hilton's My New BFF.

• First Class lounges aren't really exclusive enough for Jennifer Lopez anymore, but she's got a resourceful fix: she slips through a mysterious unmarked door in the lounge, giving the illusion she is entering some platinum VIP area, when really she's just hiding in a storage closet. Yeah, I couldn't have made that shit up either. [MSNBC]
• Oh shit, and this JUST HAPPENED: so maybe JLo was just avoiding getting served with the $5 million lawsuit filed by the flight attendant her guard dog attacked. [TMZ]
• But a subpoena in that 1999 nightclub shooting — shit, it sucks when you realize something that feels forever ago actually was forever ago — found her! [NY Post]
• Verne Troyer is suing TMZ for $20 million over that sex tape thing. Not because it's a sex tape, but for copyright reasons. Show of hands: did anyone actually watch the clip of this? I really don't think he lost too many otherwise paying customers. If amateur midget porn is what you're into is a little clip really going to sate you? [TMZ]
• Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey ran into each other at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party but sources say it didn't seem like they had much to say to one another. [Page Six]
• Will Anne Hathaway put aside the hurt she feels and save the poor puppy Raffaello Follieri can no longer afford to have walked? Well, Anne?? [Page Six]

• And speaking of our dashing Italian Vati-con, some socialite is pissed she invited him and Anne to some event and they paid for tickets and never showed up. Cry me a fucking river, Lauren Vernon. [NY Post]
• Babyshambles is pulling out of the Glastonbury Festival. [Guardian]
• Amy Winehouse is…still planning on performing! [Telegraph]
• "I do not speak to those two. First of all, he drinks too much. And is very insulting. And they are not invited to my July Fourth party in the Hamptons, which is very big and which is my fifth annual and which everybody wants to come to. She and I will keep doing the show, of course, but I will have nothing to do with her otherwise." Now, I know it's summer, when Cindy Adams devotes an entire column about a group of reality stars who actually fess up to making less than $1,000 a show, but this column is seriously kind of awesome. [NY Post]
• You can take Donda West's surgeon off your list of "Notorious Hollywood Plastic surgeons most likely to be nabbed on DUI charges" now. [AP]
• If you haven't already heard about this from that one guy you know who could die happy if only for another Phish Reunion tour, well…Phish might be reuniting. [Reuters]
• Will Smith's Fourth of July movie sounds reaaally promising. [Fox News]
• Jessica Biel is looking kind of gaunt and French these days, like she's taken up an unhealthy lifestyle or something, and I mean that in the best way possible. [People]
• Engaged: Uma Thurman, to some "financier." [He's Elle Macpherson's ex! -Ed.] [NY Daily News]
• Engaged and actually planning to wed: Portia to Ellen. [NY Daily News]
  Engaged and not actually planning to wed: Joel Madden to Nicole Richie. [People]

• If this whole Jezebel thing doesn't work out, we now know how to become an internet "escort."
  
• Lilly Ledbetter is a stand-up lady. Maybe someday women will get equal pay for equal work, but not today.
  
• But look! Babies and puppies!
  
• We became certified Tina Feynatics.
  
• We talked about moms! You can't live with them, can't shed their DNA.

• Spitzer? I don't even know 'er!
• We were not that into the Sex and the City-branded lingerie. Shudder.
• The Real Housewives of New York City reunion was possibly the best 60 minutes of television we've ever seen. Thank GOD it's been picked up for a second season! We can't wait to hang with Ramoarawn again.
• So throw on that muumuu, and remember: VD is for Everybody.

Earlier: Real Housewives Reunion: Alex McCord, Husband Can't Keep Story Straight On Nude Photos

Boyd explains that he is allowed to use the photos for promotion for his own site, but not if he uses McCord's name. And although he removed them from his site after someone found them, identified McCord and posted them elsewhere, McCord and her husband will not leave him alone. Says Boyd:

Simon emailed me again and stated that they may be interested in buying the rights to the photos from me. They keep telling me this and then say that if I post the photos anywhere then they won't want them. Then I never hear back from them so I don't really think they're interested in buying them, I think they just want to fool me into not using them. I think they're trying the carrot now versus the stick.

Related: Real Naked [Gawker]

Earlier: Larry King's Awesome Spazzy Spawn

Earlier: The Unmarried Real Housewife Is Definitely Our Favorite