• Despite mourning her family tragedy, Jennifer Hudson is in the Gap's holiday ad campaign, wearing a bright red sweater and smiling. Gap gave J.Hud the option to back out, but she wanted to go ahead and have the ads run. [Yahoo News via E!]
• Jennifer Hudson writes on her MySpace blog: "I want to thank each and every one of you for your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time. Thank You All." [People]
• Beyoncé is on the cover of Seventeen and she certainly appears to have her wits about her. She says she would never get married before the age of 25. "I feel like you have to get to know yourself, know what you want, spend some time by yourself, and be proud of who you are before you can share that with someone else." Plus! She's super critical of herself: "I have my YouTube days, when I watch every performance," she says. "I listen to my music, and I watch my videos to figure out what I need to do, what I need to fix, and how to become a better singer." [People]
• Kate Winslet on her Vanity Fair pix: "The whole shoot was about doing the character. I feel like I was playing the part and not me — it doesn't feel like me. It took six hours to set up the lighting and the hair and make-up, because I obviously don't look like that all the time." [Daily Mail]
• The brother of the American Idol reject who killed herself outside the star's L.A. home is blaming Abdul for crushing his sister's dreams. "[Abdul] didn't speak up for her. She let everyone take her down," Charles McIntyre says. [NY Post]

• Madonna to Gwyneth Paltrow: Shut up! Her Magdesty is sick of Gwynnie saying she's "helping Madonna through her divorce." Madge allegedly told G: "If you want to help me and be supportive of me, then keep your mouth SHUT! Say nothing about me or my divorce." [National Enquirer]
• Madonna needs your help: She's building a school for girls in Malawi. [ET]
• It's official: The Obamas are the new Brangelina. [Politico]
• Barbara Walters did something right in letting Whoopi, Joy, Sherri and Elisabeth quarrel: The View is now the most watched show in daytime, after 12 years on the air. [Variety]
• The "report" about Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson getting married is "not true," according to LL's rep. [MSNBC]
• And here's a story about Sam getting pissed at Lindsay for flirting with some guy in Vegas. "Lindsay says she loves Sam more than anything but she just can't help that she is attracted to the opposite sex," says a spy. [The Sun]
• Oh, and Lindsay and Sam have a bulldog named Cadillac, who is "like their child." [Daily Express]
• Hmm, who's on the list of "Hollywood's Most Overexposed Celebrities"? Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Pamela Anderson, for starters. [Forbes]
• Daniel Craig made a flick called Flashbacks of a Fool which opened October 17, played in two theaters and is already on DVD. It made barely any money, but he's NAKED in it, hello. But Bond's getting all the attention. PS: Bond opens today! [Fox 411]
• Amy Winehouse spotted "on a rampage" and holding a bottle of vodka. Business as usual. [Daily Mail]
• Yikes! Naomi Campbell, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon were on the same British Airways flight. Are there planes big enough for all that ego? [Page Six]
• There was a rumor that Blake Lively would be on the cover of Vogue, but it turned out she was on the cover of W instead; now comes word that she will indeed land the cover of the February issue of Vogue. Plus! Michelle Obama for the March issue?? [Fashionista]
• Beyoncé denies that she's the one who leaked a new track written for her by Justin Timberlake. There's audio of JT performing the song online. [Mirror]
• Elton John on Prop 8: "What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage. I don't want to be married. I'm very happy with a civil partnership. If gay people want to get married, or get together, they should have a civil partnership. The word 'marriage,' I think, puts a lot of people off. You get the same equal rights that we do when we have a civil partnership. Heterosexual people get married. We can have civil partnerships."
  [USA Today]
• Rachel Zoe and Nicole Richie: Totally seen talking! Do they no longer hate each other? [Page Six, Perez Hilton]
• Critics aren't sure if Britney Spears will actually be able to make a comeback. One music editor says: "Are they coming to see you because they think a train wreck is about to happen, or because they really like your music?" [Reuters]
• Hilary Duff is coming to NBC in a new, as yet to be determined show. Anyone ever see Material Girls? [Variety]
• Ed Norton plays twins in a comedic thriller; check out this picture of him talking to himself. [EW]
• 90210 spoiler alert: Highlight the hidden text if you want to know: Brenda's gonna die. [Perez Hilton]
• You guys: Russell Brand's flying his girlfriend to New York, because he misses her. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Real Housewives Of Atlanta: Off-camera catfights! Threatening voicemails! Drama! [TMZ]
• Hugh Jackman is a wounded soul, you guys. His mother deserted him and his four older siblings when he was a kid. "I do remember having terrible feelings, mainly of feeling really abnormal," he says. "Divorce wasn't common then and it was uncommon for the mother to leave, and I had a real feeling of embarrassment." [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Australia had better be a blockbuster: Hugh Jackman just bought a £14.2 million New York apartment. [Daily Express]
• That commercial Catherine Zeta-Jones was filming in Prague? It's for shampoo. [The Sun]
• Meryl Streep: Starring in LibertyLibrary Cat, a movie about a stray kitty's impact on a town in Iowa. Yeah, a cat. Destined to be awesome? Or awesomely bad? [EW]
• This is an article in praise of Julianne Moore: "Where would we be without her?" [Guardian]
• Eminem's album is being delayed because he's being "obsessive." [The Sun]
• Taylor Swift says she knew about Joe Jonas dating Camilla Belle: "They've been together since we broke up. That's why we broke up — because he met her." Ouch. [Perez Hilton]
• Joe Jonas says: "I never cheated on a girlfriend. Maybe there were reasons for a breakup. Maybe the heart moved on." Teen angst! [Yahoo News, People]
• Watch this: Yunjin Kim and Daniel Dae Kim on a beachy set, discussing their characters on Lost! [EW]
• Whoopi Goldberg will produce — but not star — in a London stage version of Sister Act. It's sort of a remake, with changes to update the story. [Yahoo News]
• Miley Cyrus's boyfriend still claims to be "just a family friend." Sure, sure. [Perez Hilton]
• Ben Stiller's daughter Ella has playdates with Suri Cruise. Ben's wife, Christine Taylor says: "It's like any other play date. I mean [Suri's] amazing and [Tom and Katie] are terrific. And when little kids get together you just let them do their thing, there's no outside elements. Ella likes being the older sister—and we haven't had many [play-dates] but whoever's children that they're playing with, it's always a great thing to see your kids connecting." [NY Observer]
• The CIA gives "advice" to many Hollywood films, and this story claims "no one is truly sure about the extent of its shadowy involvement." Dun dun dun! [Guardian]
• CSI fans are not happy about William Peterson leaving the show. 37% said they would not watch once Petersen, who plays night shift supervisor Gil Grissom, leaves midway through the season. He's being replaced by Laurence Fishburne. [Reuters]
• Linda Hogan says Hulk Hogan purposely handed over the rights to his Hulk Hogan brands to his best friend Eric Bischoff so she can't get any cash from the profits. Messy stuff. [TMZ]
• Sad face: Benicio del Toro's dad is super sick. BDT flew to Puerto Rico to be with him. [Rush & Molloy]
• A woman who claims Shaquille O'Neal stalked and threatened her has withdrawn her request for a restraining order. Change of heart? Secret settlement? [TMZ]
• Jodi Sweetin, aka Stephanie from Full House, just signed a six-figure deal to publish her addiction memoir. Did playing second banana to the Olsen twins drive her to drugs? [NY Observer]
• Speaking of book deals, Sarah Silverman is writing something and there's a bidding war going on. [Observer]
• Last season it was a tornado; the year before it was a "supermarket standoff" — this year, the Desperate Housewives stunt is a ravaging fire. [Yahoo News]
• Ryan O'Neal and his son have delayed entering pleas in their felony drug cases until after the new year. Attorneys asked the judge for more time to review evidence. [Yahoo News]
• Terrence Howard's mom died in September and he's trying to get back on track.
  "I know that I have been quiet but I had a lot going on," he wrote on his MySpace blog. "But I am slowly pulling it together." [People]
• Whoa: Annie Lennox has two teenage daughters? They went to the preview of the Comme Des Garcons collection for H&M. They's so pretty! [Daily Express]
• Porn legend Heather Hunter convinced a judge to toss out a plagiarism suit; another writer claimed Hunter's novel is a ripoff. The girl's-quest-for-stardom-leads-her-to-porn plot is maybe not that unusual. [NY Daily News]
• Why are people tracking down Elvis's 71-year-old ex-girlfriend? [Guardian]
• The Beatles' former road manager, Tony Bramwell, says: "I have no axe to grind against Yoko. I wanted to let Beatles fans know the real stories about what it was like when Yoko came into John’s life and the problems she caused for the Beatles, their fans, and the staff at Apple." [Daily Express]
• What recession? Lars Ulrich paid $14 million for sold a Jean Michel Basquiat painting yesterday. [Yahoo News]
• Got a tens of thousands of dollars to spend? Photographs of Angelina Jolie, Kate Moss and Britney Spears are up for auction at Christie's. [Telegraph]
• "Money is certainly going to dry up for a lot of people on a lot of fronts, especially in the giving area. But I believe art can survive, it's like grass growing through a crack in the sidewalk. No matter what the economic conditions, art will always survive. I'm hopeful that the more art gets realized as an important factor in the world we live in, more and more people will donate some money and maybe, more importantly, time to the quest." — Robert Redford. [Reuters]
• "I realize that my place and position in history is that I will go down as the voice of this generation, of this decade, I will be the loudest voice. It's me settling into that position of just really accepting that it's one thing to say you want to do it and it's another thing to really end up being like Michael Jordan." — ever-humble Kanye West. [USA Today]
• "I'll watch anything with Helen Mirren in it. Especially when she was young. I mean, come on! I love Helen. I watch The Cook, The Thief, His Wife & Her Lover at least four times a year." - -Samuel L. Jackson. [Daily Express]
• "You could say that being yelled at by Janis Joplin was one of the great honors of my life. […] Janis didn't dress like anyone else, and she definitely didn't sing like anyone else. Janis put herself out there completely, and her voice was not only strong and soulful, it was painfully and beautifully real." — Stevie Nicks. [Rolling Stone]
• "The baby comes wherever I go, and I just like looking at her, watching her breathe. I stand over her crib and watch her breathe. It's pathetic. My mum says I'm over-bonded. I don't care. I'm just very bonded right now." — Nicole Kidman. [USA Today]
• "All of the critics who gave me one star less than full marks should eat shit and die. It’s like your mother knitting you a sweater and you telling her it was only worth seven out of ten. Music is a gift — it shouldn’t get a rating." — Kanye West. [The Sun]
• "I guess I’m lucky. Genetically, I’m like my mum and she looked great right up until her death in 1989. But I think the real secret is that I am very, very happy. I have a wonderful new husband and we’re very compatible. I’m having the best time and I’m in a great place emotionally." — Olivia Newton-John, on why she looks so good. [Mirror]
• "I was inspired to become a citizen of the U.S. by Barack Obama and his vision of the future. Although I missed being able to vote for him on Tuesday, being sworn in as a citizen knowing he is the next president made me so proud. I am now an American. If McCain and [Sarah] Palin had won, I may have stayed in bed." — Alan Cumming, who became an American last week. [Page Six]
• "I'm just going through balancing [living without my mom]. And I always used to have that support system, you know. My mom would be there; no matter what, she was there before everything. We were together for like 30 years. And you know now when I'm on that stage and I look out and I say, 'What am I going to do with the rest of my life?' Like when does a real life start?' Because I have sacrificed real life to be a celebrity and to give this art to people, which is great. It is great that I was able to do that, I'm not trying to shun that in any way, but it's definitely a Catch-22 and it's bittersweet." — Kanye West. [USA Today]

[Hollywood, November 12. Image via Splash.]

[Los Angeles, November 4. Image via INF]

[Beverly Hills, October 30. Image via Splash.]

• In case Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle blog, Goop, wasn't quite irritating enough, now she brings us a breakdown of how to get her look. Apparently Roger Vivier bangles help. And don't think that one Uniqlo skirt fools anyone, Gwynnie; we've been wise to those tricks since Lucky hit newsstands! [Racked]
• Fashionologie claims it's "always a treat" to hear Kate Moss talk. We respectfully disagree. Draw yout own conclusions from this video of her "designing." [Fashionologie]
• Here are La Moss's "10 Style Rules": one of them's "Make It Look Effortless." Another is, "When In Doubt, Buy Diamonds." Oh, okay! Maybe this is Gwyneth's secret? [The Guardian]
• Karl Lagerfeld is now a proper noun in Le Petit Larousse Illustré. He also designed the cover. [WWD]

• Anya Hindmarch for Target sells out in 2 minutes! [VogueUK]
• PR's Jerrell comes off as a class act. "Who wants drama? That's not what we're there for. This isn't I Love New York; we're not sitting in a hot tub getting drunk. We're here to show the world what we do." [EW]
• Elle teams with Stardoll to make a tween/teen virtual mag. Kids can dress avatars in "high end virtual couture (such as apparel from DKNY). Users can also play virtual dress up with celebrity avatars such as Paris Hilton or Katie Holmes." I'm still holding out for a virtual thrift store! [Media Week]
• Recessions make strange bedfellows: Ann Taylor teams up with Proctor and Gamble to promote cleaning products that cut down on dry-cleaning. [NY Times]
• Zara succeeds by making fashion faster — and paying workers better. [Business Week]
• Bollywood star Kareena Kapoor launches a fashion web site. [UPI]
• We can't really improve upon Mollygood's description of Stylista, the new Devil Wears Prada reality ripoff: "Incompetent people who have no business being involved in the fashion industry? Check. Frightening dictator (fashion news director Anne Slowey)? Check. Inane tasks that have seemingly nothing to do with fashion? Check. The difference: We wanted Anne Hathaway to succeed in the movie; in the reality TV version, we kind of hope everyone fails miserably." [Mollygood]
• Mary McFadden: "When people look back at this period in our civilization, they'll say: This was the beginning of functional clothes ... I'm sorry, in a way people's lifestyles have become very utilitarian." Well, that explains sparkly leggings! [BlackBook]
• Not shockingly, discounters keeping their heads above retailers'. Does anyone else think those TJ Maxx ads where they explain how they keep their prices so low are completely genius? [NY Times]
• And, yes, LVMH is finally feeling the pinch. [WSJ]
• Louis Vuitton keeping them afloat. [WWD]
• That said, Armani is still really confident about opening shop in India. [Hindustan Times]
• Liz Hurley's Versace safety-pin dress has been named "The Greatest Red Carpet Gown of All Time." "Greatest" is apparently open to interpretation. [Mirror]
• Pixie Geldof takes on human trafficking. Via a tee shirt, obvs! [ElleUK]
• Ethical knitwear label Izzy Lane has won the RSPCA Good Business Award for its sheep-friendly practices. [Guardian]
• Leona Lewis snubs Harrods because of their continuing sales of fur. [Peta2]
• Someone's plastering Rachel Zoe's face all over New York. [Fashionista]
• Taylor Momsen's first modeling shots! Based on our newfound Top Model expertise, we'd say Little J is still looking for her signature pose. [Fabsugar]
• Balenciaga launches new frangrance, hopes to "renew Balenciaga's image as a serious fragrance contender." [ElleUK]

• A very interesting interview with Jennifer Lopez reveals that she does not breast-feed, had a nervous breakdown after the birth of her kids and she's sort of into Scientology. And she sounds like a control freak. Then there's this quote: "At the tenth day after giving birth all that chemical stuff did peak—that hormone thing—and I did cry a lot that day because I was having so much trouble moving. I couldn’t get up fast enough to feed the babies…Marc was helping out a lot and I was crying and crying and going, 'Oh, Papi...they’re going to know everybody more than me…They're going to love everybody more than me!'" [The Daily Beast]
• Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner: Splitsville. [TMZ]
• How much would you pay to hit Michael Lohan in the face? Get your chance at a charity boxing match in Long Island. [Yahoo News]
• Yay! Tina Fey has signed a $5 million book deal for a work of nonfiction humor. [Reuters]
• Sarah Palin. On Saturday Night Live. Maybe. [MSNBC]

• Nicole Kidman tells Elle magazine that she has no regrets and would marry Tom Cruise again: "[He] taught me an enormous amount — as a girl into a woman." How delightful…ly creepy. [LA Times]
• Nicole tells Elle that being a mom at a later age "is a more painful love. It's almost like my heart is stretching." Then again she could be talking about her face on that cover. [People]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince: Back on. [Mirror]
• Victoria Beckham's skin looks great because she gets facial treatments that use a paste made from nightingale droppings. David uses bird poo too. [Daily Mail]
• "Brooklyn just loves The Beatles. Can't get him to listen to any of my records, though!" — Posh. [Page Six]
• As mentioned before, David Duchovny is out of sex rehab and back home, where he can watch his TV show about a guy who has an insatiable appetite for chicks. [People]
• Amy Winehouse is considered suicidal and her friends and family are watching her 24 hours a day. This editor suggests that Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, should stay with Amy, since he was such a stabilizing force on Brit. [LA Times]
• Rachel Zoe, lying about her age? Ha! Jo Piazza of the NY Daily News says: "Zoe has been ranting on her new show that she's so anal (and annoying?) because she's a triple Virgo. In astrology terms, that means she was born in the sign of Virgo, her rising sign is a Virgo, and her moon sign is a Virgo. Well, our experts say that isn't possible if Zoe is 37 and was born on Sept. 1, 1971, as she claims. In fact, says our pro, she'd actually be five to 10 years older than that if she were indeed a Triple-V." [NY Daily News, Perez Hilton]
• See Britney pretend to be a waitress on the set of her new video! [Socialite Life]
• Jennifer Aniston's pup needs therapy, and gets Reiki and acupuncture treatments at $350 a week. A dog's life is ruff. [Perez Hilton]
• The fifth season of Project Runway ends October 15, but how long before season six? Filming is almost complete. It was supposed to air in January, but the court proceedings may cause it to be delayed. But being on the air in January means the finale can be at Fashion Week in February; otherwise the contestants would have to wait until next September. And what about fans? "I think they're going to be sad if they have to wait," says Heidi Klum. "And, of course, we will be sad too. But we're all sitting in the same boat. We don't really know what is going to happen." [LA Times]
• A while back, Charlize Theron did an interview with MTV and questioned why The Hills is so big, since "it's about nothing." Recently, Spencer and Heidi fired back: Spencer says, "Reindeer Games, that was about what? I think she’s about 65 or something. She’s been in the game for like 100 years." [ONTD]
• Oh, and the rumor that Lauren Conrad hooked up with Justin Bobby seems to have been started by Spencer Pratt, though he denies it and also says, "Why LC continues to bring me up whenever she gets into trouble is beyond me." [MollyGood]
• Get ready to hear more about this crap than you want to: Us is supposedly putting the feud between Lauren and Audrina on the cover. [Perez Hilton]
• Kylie Minogue's new man is HOT. He's a model named Andres Velencoso and you can see him shirtless on the runway in a swimsuit if you click. [The Sun]
• Khloe Kardashian says Kim is relieved to be off of Dancing With The Stars because the judges were "harsh" on her. She also says Kim is "brutally shy." LOL. [People]
• Anne Hathaway has landed a part in Tim Burton's Alice In Wonderland: She'll play the White Queen. Helena Bonham Carter is the Red Queen. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Pixie Geldof got a tattoo of her late mom's signature on her wrist. [Mirror]
• Matthew Broderick will return to Broadway in the spring in a revival called The Philanthropist. [AP]
• Dermot Mulroney is a dad again: Less than a year after his divorce from Catherine Keener, he and his new girlfriend, Thairta, baptized their seven-month-old daughter at San Pietro's Church in Roccascalegna, Italy. Dermot and Catherine have a son named Clyde, who was born in 1999. [Star]
• Mary Louise Parker wished her parents would adopt a sibling for her when she was growing up, and when she adopted her daughter from Africa last year, it was a dream come true. "I still think it's something everyone should do if they can and want to," she says. [People]
• Leo DiCaprio: Not getting married any time soon. [People]
• As previously reported, Bull Durham 2 is in the works. More info here. [UPI]
• Diddy and his twins are on the cover of Baby Couture magazine. You know, the one that says, "We put the 'coo' in couture." There appear to be 2 covers; one with Daddy Diddy and one with Baby Mama Kim Porter. Collect 'em both! [The.Life Files]
• Cher had to cancel shows in Vegas due to asthma-related bronchitis. Be well! [Perez Hilton]
• Breast cancer survivor Olivia Newton-John has a new CD, which helps raise money for a cancer wellness center in Australia. [CBS News]
• Rosetta Getty threw a giant birthday party at her L.A. home and Liv Tyler, Eva Mendes, Selma Blair and Rosanna and Patricia Arquette partied til the wee hours. Not there: Rosetta's husband Balthazar and his girlfriend Sienna Miller. [WWD]
• R. Kelly won a $3.4 million judgment against a former tour promoter. You can get really good lawyers with that kind of cash. [AP]
• Michael Douglas will get the American Film Institute's Lifetime Achievement Awards next summer, 18 years after his dad got one. Despite his youthful face, Michael Douglas is 64. [Daily Express]
• Was Evel Knievel involved in a series of beatings? The FBI alleged he was connected to a "crime syndicate." [Breitbart/AP]
• Meat Loaf was rushed to the hospital last night after a "vertigo attack." [Mirror]
• "Brenda was realistic. She was normal. Not many 16-year-olds are so morally correct, you know? She had her moments where she was a great girl, and her moments where she was a bitch and you wanted to kill her, times when she was completely peaceful and times where she would bitch-slap Dylan in the face and never talk to Kelly again. She had those extremes." — Shannen Doherty. [Radar]
• "Really wonderful things are happening now. It looks like things are looking up again." — Lynne Spears. [People]
• "Between my wife and myself, I'm the pushover as far as the kids are concerned. I wouldn't call myself strict." — Russell Crowe. [People]
• "My priorities have changed so much. I've been single for months now and I've turned my attention toward my passions, my friends, and the causes I believe in. It's been about learning who I am, not through a man, but for myself. I've had a couple fun, frolicky relationships, but really, I got out of a five-year relationship and I dated a few people here and there. I've been spending time with my friends and doing more traveling with the U.N. and challenging myself at work." — Drew Barrymore. [People]
• "I was at a function, and a bunch of political types were there. And John McCain was there. He came up to say hello, I said, 'Look, don't even ask it. I will not be your vice president. I have to be on the top of the ticket.' Most of the time - (from Bill Clinton's former vice president) Al Gore, going back - you saw the vice president very little. That would be the least appealing job, I think." — Clint Eastwood. [Daily Express]
• "Sarah Palin can't come to my party. Sarah Palin can't come to my show." — Madonna, during her concert. [TMZ]

• Would Rachel Zoe support Code Pink? Here's her response: "I’m embarking on a big initiative this year for ovarian cancer—that’s next. But if I lived in the ’70s, I would have been right in John Lennon’s bed with him and Yoko. God, I wish he were alive." We'll take that as a...maybe? [BlackBook]
• Anand Jon: Rapist, or simply a creep? [Radar]
• Despite rumors, Pixie Geldof isn't designing for New Look. She's modeling for them! [ElleUK]
• Finnish designer Ivana Helsinki based her knits line for Topshop on "the champagne state of drunkenness." Sign us up! [VogueUK]

• H&M feels the pinch. Don't we all. [WWD]
• Is Alessandra Facchinetti getting the pink slip at Valentino? [Fashion Week Daily]
• At the end of the day, fashion's a business. Albeit a ridiculous one. [Independent]
• Which is why Lanvin might be selling a stake to a Qatar investor. [IHT]
• Posh's new boots: ugly, of course, but are they equally uncomfortable?! [Guardian]
• Apparently Paris fashion week is sucking far less than did New York's. [Fashionista]
• This new hand-held scanner can tell if a garment's a fake -so you don't have to send your clothes to a lab, like you were doing before! [IHT]
• Foot Locker's buying skateboard apparel maker CCS. It's currently owned by Delia's. [WSJ]
• Model Sarah Murdoch says "In fashion ... there is an unhealthy body image for young women." No shit. [News.com.au]
• Balenciaga show apparently bites. [NYT]

• Aye, we told you how not t' get int' our pants. Aye, me parrot concurs.
• Ahoy, Project Runway contestant Joe's Dress: Becky Home Ecky!
• Aye, we started a culture war with Fox News' Ste'e Doocy. A pence for an old man o'de sea?

• Aye, Doocy is probably just mad that McCain and Palin have terrible policies for women and he's takin' it out on us, argh!
• Aye, McCain must think we're as dumb as McDonald's thinks we are.
• Aye, once upon a time in a land called New Jersey, Rachel Zoe was a blushin' bride.
• Ahoy, was that before, or after she started eatin' babies?
• Arrr, but tis' Friday, argh! Drink as much grog as possible and rock out on your peg leg. You deser'e it.

"In Exodus, Pharaoh refused to let the Hebrew people leave Egypt," About.com explains. "The 10 plagues were a divine demonstration of power and displeasure designed to persuade Pharaoh to "let my people go.'" Find out the ten plagues visited upon those who enter the house of Zoe below. Let my Lilo go!

1. Water to Blood : Ok, so Zoe never caused the Hudson to run red, but! There were rampant rumors circulating that Zoe was feeding her shrinking clientele clenbuterol, originally an equine asthma treatment — a charge Rachel has vehemently denied. "Clen" won't turn water into blood, but it could make your heart explode! And then there'd be lots of blood, well, everywhere.

2. Frogs: The signature Rachel Zoe style includes enormous, froggy-eyed sunglasses, which she refers to as "sunnies."

3. Gnats: Rachel Zoe's Jersey inflected Valley-Girl whine reaches gnat-like levels of annoying! You wish you could swat away her oft-repeated "Zoe-isms." "Kills it," "I die," "bananas," "loves it," and "shut it down," are the gnats of the grammatical kingdom.

4. Flies: Ok, I have nothing for this one. But ew! Flies!

5. Livestock Diseased: Rachel Zoe's penchant for enormous leather handbags has probably felled many, many cows and at least one or two crocodiles. From the Times review: At Decades, a well-known vintage store in Los Angeles, she picks up another Hermès Birkin bag. One of her assistants tries to dissuade her: 'You collect art. You don’t collect Birkin.'"

6. Boils: Another hallmark of the Zoe style: enormous cocktail rings and ridiculous looking layers of overwhelming necklaces. These are massively expensive boils on the clavicles of many a Zoe-bot!

7. Thunder and Hail: If you cross Zoe, she will rain down on you — though the storm will be more like a mist of "dissatisfaction" than a full out hailing down, says the New York Times. " Ms. Zoe replaces the fashion personality’s eccentricity with perpetual dissatisfaction. She gets upset at an underling when rain water threatens to seep into her storage closet. She wants new pieces of furniture for her stark, modern Los Angeles house, even though she decorated it just two years ago," the Times notes.

8. Locusts: In Exodus, God says, "If thou refuse to let my people go, behold, to morrow will I bring the locusts into thy coast." Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Cameron Diaz: could be considered locusts on either coast.

9. Darkness: Again with those giant sunglasses. Many of Zoe's clients wear their sunglasses at night, and are thus doomed to perpetual darkness. The horrors!

10. Death of the Firstborn: Rachel Zoe eats babies. Always the first born. Duh.

A Stylist Devoted to Making Idleness Look Chic [NY Times]
The Size Zero Pill [Daily Mail]
Being Rachel Zoe [NYT Mag]

Earlier: The Rachel Zoe Project: Zoe-isms
Rachel Zoe's Clavicle "Almost A Brand"

• Remember when Ellen came out and everyone was like, "yeah, we know, but thanks"? Her confirmation that she's the new Cover Girl is kinda like that. [People]
• Our unreasonable dislike of fame whore/hockey player/Vogue intern/fashionisto Sean Avery grows apace. He is now involved with a Bravo reality show. [NY Mag]
• Hey, remember how YA author Lauren Conrad's designing the gowns for the "trophy girls" at next Sunday's Emmy Awards? "'I did green because green [is the] theme for the Emmys this year,' said Conrad, who also mentions using a diamond brooch, signifying the Emmy's 60th anniversary, to accessorize the gown." [FabSugar]
• Model Erin Wasson: "The people with the best style for me are the people that are the poorest. Like, when I go down to Venice beach and I see the homeless, like, I'm like, 'Oh my God, they're pulling out, like, crazy looks and they, like, pulled shit out of like garbage cans." Indeed, moddle. Indeed. [Nylon TV via Fashionista]

• The Dow crisis is — surprise, surprise! — disastrous for retail stocks, too. [WWD]
• Apparently spoiled for models by having a bunch of dolls wear their creations earlier this year, Viktor & Rolf decide not to do a runway show. Speculation is they'll do something weird instead. [Style.com]
• Yup, it's all virtual. [VogueUK]
• Kate Moss was afraid the thief who broke into her car took this two hundred thousand pound diamond ring. But he didn't. He just took a chocolate bar. [The Mirror]
• The verdict is in: rompers and jumpsuits will once again be big for spring. [WWD]
• Also, sequins. [Fashionista]
• Weirdly, Gordon Brown hosts fashion week party. [ElleUK]
• Neighborhoodies is having personalities ("one blogger, writer, artist, or all-around cool person a week") do designs for them. Nerve's Erin Bradley kicks it off with a Dr. Ruth tee. [Neighborhoodies]
• Kicked to the curb by Liz Claiborne, designer Sigrid Olsen turns to art. [WSJ]
• Viv Westwood launches that album she compiled, reveals she's collaborating with robot rockers Queens of the Stone Age. Oh, and apparently she's nice, but we'd heard that.[The Mirror]
• Buyers (and us bloggers!) underwhelmed by NYC Fashion Week. [WWD]
• But! No fewer than five Top Model contestants spotted on the NYC runway. [NY Mag]
• Aww! Luella Bartley had pink and white meringue pigs at her pre-show breakfast! We'll assume no more sinister or insulting implication.[WWD]
• "Veronica Webb turned frosty at the Us Weekly 25 Most Stylish New Yorkers party at Hudson Terrace Friday night when she ran into Gretta Monahan - who replaced her as co-host on Tim Gunn's Guide to Style. A source said, 'They sat right next to each other but Veronica wouldn't even look at her. She's furious she was replaced on the show.'" [Page Six]

The Hollywood Reporter:

Obviously, the six-episode series (which moves to a regular time slot Sept. 16 at 10 p.m.) wants us to feel exhausted after sharing just one hour of Rachel's hectic lifestyle. Might we also add feeling empty? "Rachel Zoe" is pretty much built on nothing, except of course our continuing fascination with being voyeurs into the lives of others, especially those who look vital and exciting. The underlying message is that we should feel we lead lives of quiet desperation while Rachel is pulling her hair out having to make last-minute, earth-shattering fashions decisions.

What's wrong here? Probably nothing if viewers think the fashion world is the center of the universe. But to make celebs out of those who dress celebs gets us into a weird kind of meta world where lives that rely on image-making look crucial. They're crucial to the world of dollars and euros, but not to much else.

The Los Angeles Times:

Still, as Heidi Klum likes to say, "One day you're in, and the next you're out," and while Zoe's boho-retro '60s-'70s vintage chic has made its mark on Celebrityville, she seems to know that she can't afford to stand still. Styles change. And so there is a kind of undercurrent of desperation, at times verging on panic, that runs through the show and gives it what dramatic movement it has.

EDGE New England:

During the first episode, Zoe hires a new assistant to support her gal Friday Taylor, an impatient, unlikable hag who is apparently unable to run a comb through her rat’s nest hair. I’ll give her this - in less than 60 minutes, she instantly became the most unbearable, transparent shrew on television. She’s the kind of presence one simply hates - not loves to hate, just hate. She terrorizes the new assistant, Brad, by flip-flopping on, or simply, withholding proper direction. Terminally angry, she actually appears threatened by Brad and even if it weren’t for Zoe, I’ll stick around just hoping that someone puts this chick in her place.

Common Sense:

Parents need to know that, aside from some language that's occasionally strong enough to get bleeped, the biggest concern here is excessive commercialism. The show is a thinly veiled promotion for star Rachel Zoe's new line of clothing and accessories and basically serves as free advertising. Teens who watch could also end up coveting the glamorous clothing they see on the show, and most of it won't be age-appropriate — or affordable. The onslaught of expensive labels includes marquis brands like Chanel, Valentino, and Versace.

'The Rachel Zoe Project' airs tonight on Bravo at 11 p.m.

• Poor Rachel Zoe! "I thought: I've done blood, sweat and tears for 15 years — why am I the victim here? I have had the nastiest things said about me! I don't understand." [NY Post]
• Shockingly, the CFDA's "Health Booth" (which educates fashionistas about eating) is deserted. [NY Mag]
• You already knew Sean Lennon was an ass: Spotted at Fashion Week, the modelizer "wore a magisterial women's coat with gold buttons and a top hat decorated with Native American bands. His girlfriend, Charlotte Kemp Muhl, wore a coyote headdress." [NY Mag]
• Justin Timberlake brings pissy back at his William Rast show. [WWD]
• Punk legend Malcolm McLaren accuses son and Agent Provocateur founder Joe Corre of counterfeiting punk duds. "I think my son actually used – maybe – the original labels, because we didn't use them all up...There'd be a roll of ribbon around in the workroom and maybe my son got a hold of those. I think he did this before he set up Agent Provocateur. Or in order to set up Agent Provocateur and fund it, he made a number of these fake clothes and sold them to dealers in Japan." [Independent]

• Speaking of Agent Provocateur: there's a new ad campaign! "Chanelling the gothic decadence of Hogarth, Caravaggio, Rubens and Delaroche’s Execution of Lady Jane Grey, it is a seething orgiastic scene of girls on top, girls on girls and boys and beasts. Peaches (Geldof) and Daisy Lowe, the bad girls du jour, both star, as does the flame-haired American actress Paz de la Huerta, who holds court over a sacrifice of a topless virgin, accompanied by two male cohorts — David Bailey’s Byronesque son, Fenton, and a 21-year-old albino boy named Alex." [Times of London]
• Intrepid fashionistas weather the storm at Fashion Week; Tory Burch even went barefoot! [NY Mag]
• Um, ex-squeeze us? Lifetime, the Project Runway-stealer, is delaying the premiere of the show's sixth season until January 2009. Resentment mounting. [Yahoo]
• Are we the only ones who are totally sick of hockey player/budding fashionista Sean Avery? Now he's decorated some booth at hot spot Beatrice Inn with sunflowers. [Style.com]
• Apparently lacking creativity, designers start predicting trends via computer programs. [NY Times]
• Knockoff jeans even bigger than knockoff bags! [UPI]
• The political tee market is also booming. Yes, Obama's outselling Mac. [NPR]
• The Mulleavy sisters keep their Rodarte label personal and awesome. "In 2005, to introduce themselves to the fashion world, the Mulleavy sisters sent out 30 handmade paper dolls, each with a paper armoire containing seven paper dresses. 'I was inspired by Zelda Fitzgerald’s paper dolls,' explains Kate, who, like Fitzgerald, drew extensively accessorized wardrobes." [NY Times]
• Dolce and Gabbana take their inspiration from Queen Elizabeth: "In place of riotous floral and animal prints, hour-glass corsetry and itsy-bitsy skirts came Argyle knits, oversized kilts that fall to mid-calf, printed silk headscarves and sensible footwear." We are not amused. [The Independent]
• Almost all the shoes we wear are imported, "yet the U.S. still imposes a tax on imported shoes that can reach as high as 67%." [WSJ]
• More PR for Ivory Coast fashion, as Patricia De Medeiros reinvents traditional motifs in her line, Tradition Mode. [Reuters]
• Pat Field's collaboration with British frump-monger Marks and Spencer is a gamble. [Independent]
• Iconic model Veruschka releases coffee table tome: “'I can’t say that I have any favorite photographs,' she said. 'Though I do have some favorite memories of the days they were taken. Working with Avedon, for example, was always a joy. But then it was all joy because that was a joyous time.'” [Style.com]
• Scandal-plagued model Jodie Kidd comes by it naturally: her grandfather tried to bribe Winston Churchill. [This Is London]
• PETA crashes DKNY, does nothing. [NY Mag]
• Following a lackluster start, Halston feels the heat. [WSJ]
• YSL has reformulated (we're guessing this means butch packaging) its Touche Eclat concealer for the metrosexual set. Zac Efron rejoices! [Telegraph]
• The fashionistas heave a sigh of relief that both potential first ladies dig clothes. [Reuters]
• DKNY, CK, battle it out at their runway shows for "most New York" designer. Doesn't Karan automatically win by having "New York" in her name? [Guardian]
• Struggling to define itself, Old Navy shops ad agencies. Remember how cool it was when it opened? Can't they just rehire whoever did that? [AdWeek]

[New York, September 1. Image via INF]

[Hollywood, August 25. Image via X17.]

• Snoop Dogg takes cross-marketing to a whole new level: He's promoting his clothing line, Rich and Infamous, via his reality TV series Snoop Dogg's Father Hood, on his concert tour, through placement in movies and videos, on iTunes, through a Web series, and, natch, on the packaging of his new CD. [Variety]
• It's easy to believe Kate Moss is a crappy neighbor, but it does seem like this would be the least of the problems: "Neighbors at her Oxfordshire summer home have complained to the local planning authority about Moss’ two 15 feet teepees erected in her backyard. Their complaints are that the tents are an eye sore on the 17th Centrury home... and also obscure the view of the Cotswold hills." [Sassybella]
• Albert Hammond, Jr. is going into menswear. The Strokes guitarist, solo artist and Agyness Deyn fiance explains: “A lot of people hate suits, because when they fit terribly, they feel strange inside, like they’re going to a bar mitzvah and they’re 30,” [NY]
• Rememeber those Russian faux-lesbian school girl sorta-pop singers who were big for like two seconds five years ago, t.A.T.u ? Yeah. For some reason Marc Jacobs is featuring them in an ad. [Perez Hilton]

• Screw the conventions: it's official. Obama and McCain are now paper dolls. They've been drawn by renowned artist Tom Tierney, "who casts the candidates and their spouses as ready-to-dress paper people, each with about half a dozen wardrobe changes (oddly, Barack Obama's daughters Malia and Natasha are included — each with a single cold-weather outfit — but John McCain's brood of seven is absent)." And yes, they're in undies. [LAT]
• New Rachel Zoe line will, apparently, contain everything plus kitchen sink: "We're doing accessories, clothes, everything — we're going across the board. I always have a lot I want to say, and I think there's a gap in certain areas [of the fashion market]. I'm thinking it will launch sometime in 2009. It will be very accessible. I want people to have access to fashion fantasy all the time. I also want the person who's spending $500 on a purse to want to buy it. It will be a mix of lower-tier and midrange prices — maybe with some limited-edition items." [LAT]
• "Nike Sportswear" opens its first boutique. [WWD]
• Heidi Klum has designed a butterfly/tennis ball tee shirt that we wouldn't wear if our lives depended on it. [Sassybella]
• Why do celebs think hawking T-shirts is the answer to all the world's problems? Elettra Wiedemann. Isabella Rossellini's moddle daughter, "is more than just a pretty face - she's trying to save the world one T-shirt at a time. The Italian stunner is working with the Solar Electric Life Fund to equip a failing hospital in Kigutu, Burundi, with solar power. To raise $450,000, Wiedemann enlisted the help of fashion-industry friends to design limited-edition, Africa-inspired T-shirts to be sold via JOFD.org." [Page Six]
• New J. Crew accessories catalogue is ridiculously high-end. And no mittens! [WWD]
• You can thank this woman for Rachel Zoe: "Founder of the Margaret Maldonado Agency, one of a dozen or so offices that place stylists with high-profile clients, she's the image maker behind the image makers." [LAT]
• Honeymoon's over: more fast fashion condemnation. [Guardian]
• "Brazilian design and designers are spearheading a new look that is increasingly taking over in Europe and the US." The nature of "the look" is vague. [Independent]
• Is Madonna going to pioneer a "hosiery trend?" We're gonna go with "Winter" on that one. [The Sun]
• Rumor has it that American Apparel is extending its evil, vertically-integrated empire to shoes. [Fashionista]
• Tyra claims she was Kimora's modeling mentor: "She didn't have rhythm … I'd teach her how to roll her hips sexy," says the modeling mogul. [NY Mag]
• Horseshoe boots, anyone? The top five strangest Japanese fashion trends. Just look at it, okay? [Inventor Spot]

• W on toy maker Steiff's limited edition, $1,500 Lagerfeld bear. "Naturally it looks just like him, from the impenetrable black sunglasses and high shirt collar to the skinny lacquered jeans. But, plush alpaca head aside, is the resemblance more than skin-deep? 'Bears are very nice, as long as you are nice to them,' mused Lagerfeld, as self-aware as he is iconic." [W]
• If you or someone you know is interested in (cough) modeling for American Apparel, they're having an open call. Dov Charney takes this sort of thing seriously; chances are you'll get to meet him one-on-one! [American Apparel]
• Petite gymnast Shawn Johnson loves her high heels. "But true to her coach’s orders, she’s stayed off them in the lead-up to the Olympics. With the competition behind her, she wore a pair of 3-inch silver peep-toes to Thursday’s event, occasionally flicking them off when she got tired. 'It’s actually the first time I’ve worn heels in, like, five months, so it feels a little weird,' she laughed. 'But I love heels. They make me feel a little more confident.'” [WWD]

• WILL ZUMA NESTA ROCK ROSSDALE PREVENT GWEN STEFANI FROM ATTENDING FASHION WEEK?! For both their sakes, we're kind of hoping "yes." [ElleUK]
• Rachel Zoe talks vaguely about the films that inspire her; it's unclear whether she's actually watched them. Of Love Story, "when she thinks of the film, Ms. Zoe has "visions of wide leg pants and vests and blouses," she says." [WSJ]
• Agyness Deyn hops agency; now at Women. [Fashionista]
• Tim Gunn, what hath thou wrought? British woman crafts dress from phone book. [The Sun]
• Stylist Philip Bloch beats Rachel Zoe to the reality TV punch: '“Glam God With Vivica A. Fox,” in which Bloch judges aspiring stylists who compete for a $100,000 prize and a contract with Jed Root Inc., premiered Thursday night on VH1, well ahead of Zoe’s show, which begins airing on Bravo Sept. 8.' He's also getting into Recessionista fashion - yes, he said it! [WWD]
• Ann Taylor: profits down, but still better than expected. [NYT]
• "Yummie Tummy" shakes up fashion week with "pole-dancing extravaganza." [Page Six]
• Despite heading to jail for money laundering, "King of Bling" "Jacob the Jeweler" launches new ad campaign. "The ads with Natalia Vodianova were shot by Fabien Baron. Denise Scala, director of marketing, said the media buy has increased by 200 percent from the jeweler's last campaign with Helena Christensen, and this time will include Vogue, GQ, Architectural Digest, The Wall Street Journal, Vanity Fair, The Economist and Forbes." [WWD]
• One group of incredibly extravagant luxury-cosmetics junkies is single-handedly buoying the Japanese market: "Although their numbers are small, the women, dubbed the "winners group" by media, have boosted the sales of expensive creams, despite tough times in the world's second-biggest economy that have slowed down sales of more modest potions." [Reuters]
• Designer Adama Kai brings high fashion to her native Sierra Leone. '"Maybe I have more opportunities as a designer over there, but I'm making a bigger statement over here," said Kai. "In the same way that Ralph Lauren stands for America, Chanel for France, and Versace for Italy, I want Aschobi to stand for African fashion," she said.' [Reuters]
• Hype or no hype, sales are still down at The Gap - although cost-cutting helps profits. [Reuters]
• Unswayed by...well, anything, apparently, fashion promotes the fur vest for fall. [Style.com]
• Aeropostale optimistic for Q2. [Crains]
• CVS to get into high-end "prestige beauty" with new boutiques. "The first concept store is slated to open by year’s end in a major East Coast city" is all they will say... [WWD]
• Movado collabs with Alvin Ailey Dance Company for the second year in a row. Only this one's an anniversary watch. "The back features Alvin Ailey's 50th Anniversary logo. While the watch retails for $795, 10 percent of proceeds will go to Alvin Ailey Dance Theater for the month of December." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Issey Miyake is really behind a Japanese 2016 Olympics. "Not only has Miyake lent three knitted dresses from his A-POC collection - in the Olympic hues of green, yellow and red - to be displayed in the bid committee showroom, he has also created exclusive Pleats Please scarves and neckties for members of the committee to wear." [VogueUK]

• Obviously, all the models on the cover of Brazilian Vogue — only one of the most racially diverse countries in South America — are Caucasian. [Models.com]
• And speaking of models! The ones at the Emmys (you know, the ones who come out and hand people envelopes) will be sporting Lauren Conrad Collection. [Fashionista]
• Is it just me, or is Mary-Kate Olsen incredibly uninteresting? 'What I find odd though is that a weekly [magazine] will come out describing my outfit as a fashion disaster, while the fashion industry actually respects what I wear," muses the mini-mogul. [ElleUK]
• More from self-described "dirty fairy" and Gwen Stefani sorta-stepdaughter Daisy Lowe: "One of the best lessons my mother ever taught me was not to always rely on designers. Fashion at its best is when it is mixed up. If I had to name a favorite piece, it would probably be an all-in-one sailor striped jumpsuit by Marc by Marc – completely off-key!" Um, good for every under-20-year-old to keep in mind! [New York Magazine]
• Jovovich-Hawk is no more! Milla's non-explanation? 'It's like, When one door closes...I'm in a time of rediscovery, from my career to my personal style.' [Racked]

• Those douche-neck tee ads you see every time you log onto Facebook? Apparently paying dividends for American Apparel. "The clothing company, known for ads resembling 1980s porn and for the pervy antics of controversial founder Dov Charney, is seeing sales climb as it buys up more cheap ad space on sites such as MySpace and Facebook than any other U.S. apparel retailer." [Portfolio]
• Prada plans to make most boring, perfume-centric movie ever from the short ads it's airing on its site. "The Italian fashion house plans to combine the pics, which tie in with the launch of its men's fragrance Infusion d'Homme, into a feature-length pic that will be edited by Pietro Scalia ("American Gangster," "Black Hawk Down")." [Variety]
• Tommy Hilfiger's marriage, set for Friday, is off. [P6]
• Michael Kors empire growing by leaps and bounds! The tannest Project Runway judge "is embarking on an ambitious retail rollout that will mark his first European store in Milan, Collection boutiques in Palm Beach, Fla., and Chicago, an expanded store at the Americana in Manhasset, N.Y., and several shop-in-shops nationwide." [WWD]
• "Jordan" aka Katie Price is one of those British celebs who doesn't really do a lot; she's usually referred to as a "glamour model." Anyway, her one-year-old, Princess (who can't walk yet) has more than 100 pairs of shoes. [Daily Mail]
• Cartier sues Donna Karan for using their "Tank Watch" name in vain. "Lawyers for the French jeweler - which created the classic timepiece in 1917 - are blasting Karan for marketing timepieces with the word "Tank," which Cartier says it has copyrighted. "It is apparent that defendant's use of the Cartier 'Tank' trademark in connection with watches is willful and intentional and done in willful disregard of Cartier's rights," the jewelry maker claims in papers filed in Manhattan federal court." [P6]
• "Are you a fan of Woody Allen or action movies and want the world to know? Now you can have the images from your favorite film on a pair of trendy eyeglasses made by designer Zakarias Tipton." Um, no thanks. [Reuters]
• Alexander Wang's new shoe line: Each of the five style is a platform hybrid including a leather shoe boot and fringed high heels. He's even used fetish hardware to accessories the new shoes - which he says have been designed to completely contrast with his new collection." [ElleUK]
• Since Kimora Lee Simmons kinda resembles a Steve Madden ad, this makes sense: "Ms. Simmons and Steven Madden have entered into an exclusive licensing agreement for a new collection of footwear and accessories under the Fabulosity brand. The collection will feature shoes, bags, belts and small leather goods and will be distributed exclusively at J.C. Penney stores starting early next year." [Crains]
• Rachel Zoe's reality show previews. Says "The Cut," "Zoe utters platitudes like "Glamour is your state of mind. Glamour is fulfilling your dreams." Zoe attends Fashion Week. Zoe has to get "Kate" eight outfits for a press tour and there's no time! And, being a reality star now, Zoe reads about herself online. " [New York Magazine]
• Forever21 Hacker ring charged: "The Justice Department has charged 11 people with the theft of more than 40 million payment card numbers from retailers including TJX Cos., DSW Inc. and Forever 21. The department’s investigation revealed an international operation of enormous scope and complexity tying together data security breaches at nine U.S. retailers that were previously thought to be unrelated." [WWD<