This Week We Waged War On Terrible TV Hostesses

• The long-awaited "all black" issue of Italian Vogue hit newsstands, and we gave you a guided tour.
• Judy Blume taught us that having your dessert isn't all it's cracked up to be when you're a disgruntled 60s housefrau.
• We became your personal style guru.
• Three words: dolphin assisted birth.
• See little Emily walk. See little Emily run the fuck away from George Bush.
• We wanted to run screaming from Today Show bungler Ann Curry.
• Speaking of loathsome tv personalities, it was a big week for Elisabeth Hasselbeck! She told us she has never used a vibrator and cried during a discussion of the N-word.

Welcome To Vogue, The Reality Show

• Vogue is launching a reality TV show. Okay, online, but still. "The show, called Model.Live, tracks three models as they navigate casting calls, catwalks and airports for fashion weeks in New York, London, Milan and Paris" reports the Wall Street Journal. The three protagonists are described variously as "kooky", "polished and sophisticated," and "the sweet, new kid." All, presumably, are children and have BMIs in the single digits. For all their excitement about this brave new venture, apparently Vogue has concerns about exposing the seamier side of fashion: "controversial behavior like smoking or drinking." I'm guessing they'll be thrilled if that's as "controversial" as the behavior gets. [WSJ]
• Rachel Zoe is launching a perfume, along with her reality series. “This scent will really reflect her personal style and hopefully finally brand her" says a source. Eau de Raisin, anyone? [Fashion Week Daily]
• La Zoe is also rumored to be O-U-T out as creative consultant at Halston. [ElleUK]

Golddiggers! Kanye West Designs Shoe With Louis Vuitton

• Rapper and fashionisto Kanye West announced from the men's shows of Milan that he is, indeed, teaming up with LV to design some kind of shoe. To which we say: okay. [WWD via Perez Hilton]
• Personally, we'll hold out for the new Obama Air Nikes! [BlackBook]
• Now "Love Triangle" rumors are flying in the wake of model Ruslana Korshunova's suicide. Well, at least at the New York Post. [New York Post]
• Presses officially stopped. Anna Wintour wears same dress thrice in a week. [This Is London]
• Why do they persist in talking?! Brazilian model Isabela Fontana: "I wouldn't want one of my sons to be gay. It just a minimum amount of prejudice. I have many friends who are gay, and I love them to death, but I wouldn't want to have a son turn out to be gay." [Made in Brazil]

Watch Out Liv: Whereever There Is A Confident, Healthy Woman, Rachel Zoe Lurks In The Corner

Tim Gunn, Political Strategist?

• Project Runway's silver fox considers the difficult task of making John McCain work: "That’s a challenge," Tim Gunn says. "Give him some color. I'd give him better-fitting suits — Hugo Boss, John Varvatos. I mean, I will say, he's a man of a certain age, so at least he's cleaned up and polished." In other news, he hates L.A.'s car culture - though, as we all know, he enjoys tooling around the Cloisters in his Saturn Sky Roadster. [New York Magazine]
• "The Ass Crack is the go-to fashion ad allurement these days." —The Copyranter, on Joe's Jeans and American Apparel's latest NYC billboards. Isn't low-waist passé? The ass crack is a fickle mistress! [Fashionista]
• As mentioned earlier, serenity-challenged Naomi Campbell has pleaded guilty to assaulting British police officers in an incident her spokesman calls "regrettable." [MSNBC]
• Uh oh. War of words between fiery-haired doyennes Pat Field and Vivienne Westwood? "I thought Sex And The City was supposed to be about cutting-edge fashion and there was nothing remotely memorable or interesting about what I saw. I went to the premiere and left after ten minutes." — Vivienne Westwood, to WENN, via IMDB. [Fashionista]

Artsy-Fartsy: Trash Bags At Whitney Young Contemporaries Party

According to their website, "The Whitney Contemporaries is a dynamic group of art patrons between the ages of twenty-one and forty, committed to supporting the Whitney [Museum]'s mission of championing emerging voices and artistic innovation. Contemporaries are guaranteed exclusive access to the Whitney’s unparalleled resources and the New York art scene." Apparently this translates to the MisShapes and various women in trash bags. And no, it doesn't come cheap. Anyway, they congregated last night at Skylight in New York. Watch the usual suspects (Rachel Zoe, Rachel Bilson, Michelle Trachtenberg and Joy Bryant, among others) suffer for their art, after the jump!

Rachel Zoe? Or Olsen Twin?

Sarah Jessica Parker's Shoes Reveal That She's Fiercely Really Into Fashion

• After much consideration I have decided that I do not care at all what the personal footwear choices of the Sex and the City stars say about their personalities. [LA Times]
  
• Speaking of Sex and the City, Sarah Jessica Parker says that her son only wears his older cousin's hand-me-downs and has never been given new clothes, other than shoes. [US Weekly]
  
• Another day, more people fired from ELLE. This time, on the dot-com side. Maybe Nina will give them jobs over at Marie Claire? [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Rachel Zoe does not want to talk about being disinvited from the Met Costume Institute Gala thankyouverymuch. [US Weekly]
  
• In case you were wondering, Cindy Crawford will be celebrating Mother's Day with breakfast in bed. [Reuters]

Memo To Allure: Rachel Zoe Is Not Alluring

Anna Wintour: 1; Rachel Zoe: 0

• OMG: Rachel Zoe has been disinvited from the Anna Wintour-hosted Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute Gala, taking place Monday night in New York. This is what you get when you tempt the gods and proclaim yourself more important than Vogue. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Also, Wintour has instructed Vogue staffers that they may only wear white, silver, or other "pale shades." Just like the colors of faces that she likes to see on her magazine's cover! [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• French Vogue editor-in-chief Carine Roitfeld and designer/Chanel creative director "Krazy" Karl Lagerfeld were both named to the Time 100 List, as influential members of the fashion community. Something about the way they both made fashion about "the street" or something. [Vogue UK]
  
• Gisele Bundchen is still the top-paid model, according to Forbes. Heidi Klum is the second. Take that, Moss. [Sassybella]

New Yorkers For Children Know How To Dress Like Adults

Personal Style: 10 Ladies Who've Got It!

Rachel Zoe: Yeah, People Pay This Woman To Tell Them What To Wear

Marc Jacobs, The No Country For Old Men Of The CFDA?

• Who will win the Council of Fashion Designers of America's Womenswear Designer of the Year award, the "Best Picture" of fashion? The nominees are: Marc Jacobs, Francisco Costa of Calvin Klein, and Lazaro Hernandez and Jack McCollough of Proenza Schouler (who tied last year with Oscar de la Renta.) Bets? [WWD, sub req'd]
  
• Oooh and Fran Lebowitz will emcee the awards themselves on June 2. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Ok, so now Waris Dirie is saying she was abducted and assaulted while she was missing in Brussels. And treated like "prostitute" by police. She originally said she was just, like, lost. Her manager says she was in shock. [Telegraph, Yahoo]
  
• And what is Erin Fetherston's latest short film about? "Zooey [Deschanel] plays a tramp who eats a magic mushroom and finds herself with a group of fairies." Of course she does. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Whoah is Posh going to guest-design for Roland Mouret? Whoah. [Fashionista]

Diddy Is "The Only Reason" Roberto Cavalli Came To Fashion Week

• Who knew Roberto Cavalli was such a big Diddy fan? Said the Italian designer at the Sean John show: "The only reason I'm still in New York is for Puffy. He is an artist and always puts on a real show. Maybe someday he will come to my show." [WWD, 7th item]
  
• The British Fashion Council's demand that all models walking London Fashion Week show up with a "certificate of health" may lead to a model boycott because, duh, models do not get paid to be healthy. [Telegraph]
  
• Rachel Zoe threw a total shitfit upon being denied entrance to the fashionably punctual Marc Jacobs show Friday night. There is justice in the world! [NY Mag]

PETA: Now Targeting Donna Karan

• An incognito PETA operative posing as a style-maven turned up at Donna Karan's Manhattan home on Wednesday; the undercover "agent" was invited in, offered a beverage, and when Donna came home, shoved a portable DVD player with footage of animals being slaughtered alive for their pelts in the designer's face. Said Donna, "I've seen all these [videos], but for me it's just purses and accessories." [Page Six]
  
• OMG genius: In its March issue, Harper's Bazaar has recreated a minute-by-minute reenactment of the wait for the Spring 2008 Marc Jacobs show [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• Project Runway held its finale fashion show this morning. We were there. Pictures begin going up in ten minutes.

Madonna Makes The Stars Shine For Malawi