• Stella McCartney's collection for GapKids is pretty damn adorable. [KanyeUniverseCity]

• Prince Charles toured the new Burberry headquarters yesterday. Designer Christopher Bailey and C.E.O. Angela Ahrendts showed him the 160,000 square foot building, and gave him a peek at the unreleased Burberry social-networking venture. [WWD]
• J. Crew creative director Jenna Lyons, whose salary is $1.9 million annually, received a hefty $1 million bonus this week — with strings attached. If she leaves the company within two years, she must repay it, and if she leaves during the following two years, she has to repay half. J. Crew has been cutting costs aggressively since the economic downturn began; in February, it instituted a wage freeze, fired 95 employees, and ceased matching 401(k) contributions. [WSJ]
• Kiwi model Rachel Hunter recommends see-to-be-seen spot The Standard Grill for dining in New York. She also recommends closing the curtains, should you rent a room at the hotel. [TDB]
• Demi Moore is a big supporter of designer Prabal Gurung. After she wore one of his dresses, his Twitter followship jumped from 50 to over 1,000. Why this story merits the tabloid header "Should Ashton Be Jealous of Prabal?" is inexplicable. [Style.com]
• Lara Stone may have missed out on the next Chanel campaign, but being the spring face of Louis Vuitton must be some consolation. Hopefully the brand won't Photoshop her into a waxy, corpselike likeness, à la Madonna fall 2009. [WWD]
• Sexy designer Yigal Azrouël is running the New York Marathon this weekend. Joining him — and nearly 40,000 other people — will be supermodel Veronica Webb. Model Anne Vyalitsyna has volunteered to guide a disabled runner along the course. [The Cut]
• There are paparazzi shots of Georgia May Jagger on the Leicester Square set of her new Rimmel ad. Yeah, she has her dad's mouth. [Daily Mail]
• Christian Dior, Chanel, and dozens of other French labels are collaborating on a Chinese website that will feature lavish, 3-D photographs of their products. And then not allow anyone to buy them online. Sounds like a counterfeiters' cookbook if ever we heard of one. [AP]
• Kenneth Cole cracked puns shared his sobering thoughts with students at FIT on Wednesday: "People say that things will get better in a few months, but to be honest, I don't think it will get better for years. The key is to go out in the world with a sense of contest....Find out where you can offer value as a designer and create something that people will desire." [WWD]
• Then at FIT on Thursday, fashion illustrator Ruben Toledo took to the stage to talk about his new Penguin Classics cover designs. And his day job. Toledo says despite having his work featured in a plethora of international editions of Vogue, he hasn't cracked American Vogue because "they're a bit too safe." [The Fashion Informer]
• Alexander Wang's fall collection includes $395 bike shorts. He defends them thusly: "People look at that and go 'Oh, those are biker shorts.' But the yarn we use is from Italy, the technique is digital weaving, there's a lot that goes into product development that the consumer doesn't necessarily always understand. And for the people that do understand it, they do get into it, they buy it, and those are the people I'm speaking to. And there will always be people that don't understand what you're doing, but I'm not here to satisfy everyone." Do you get that? Those are the people he's speaking to. He's selling $395 bike shorts to the $395 bike short-people. And only them. The rest of you peons can buy your non-Italian yarn, loomed bike shorts at Target. [The Cut]
• You could buy two styles from Tory Burch's new sunglass range for less than the cost of Wang's shorts. (And they're still overpriced!) Though there's one pair of folding aviators that's kinda nifty. [Style.com]
• Crystal Renn is in the latest campaign for Evans, the UK plus-size high street store. And she looks great. [Daily Mail]
• Pics are out of Nicole Richie's footwear for her House of Harlow brand. The shoes, which will go on sale in the spring, feature some Navajo-inspired embroidery. Sounds like Richie's been taking a leaf from the Navajo-Pocahontas-at-the-disco stylings of Kelly Bensimon. [FabSugar]
• Christian Siriano "designed" a Starbucks gift card for the holidays. It differs from the regular gift cards thus: it is smaller (which is noticeable) and "chic-er" (not really noticeable). [FWD]
• "There's nothing more American than a pair of blue jeans," says a worker at one of the last remaining denim mills in the U.S. Actually, blue jeans are a French product — serge de Nîmes dyed with indigo imported via Genoa, or bleu de Gênes — that was reinvented in the American West by Eastern European Jewish immigrants. But close enough! Boo to those Mexicans who are now making our products! [CNN]
• Michael Kors is doing a makeup collection for Estee Lauder. It'll go on sale in January, and it's named Very Hollywood, to match Estee Lauder's recently launched Very Hollywood perfume. [WWD]
• Estee Lauder's profits for the quarter ended in September rose to $140.7 million dollars. Last year during the same period, the company made a paltry $51.1 million. [AP]

• Jennifer Lopez "threw a fit" when guests were late to her 40th birthday bash:

"An Evening With Lola" was supposed to be perfect — Lola is Marc Anthony's nickname for Lopez, and she entered the party to the song "Whatever Lola Wants." Bu there were empty seats when the dinner started and Jennifer was "fuming." [Gatecrasher]

• Rihanna and Chris Brown: In the same NYC hotel for about two days. "It was just a coincidence" and they never saw each other. [NY Post]
• Jon Gosselin: "I care about Kate Major, she resigned from her job for me. Right now, my focus is on my relationship with my kids. My personal relationship is private." [E!]
• But! Jon says: "At this point ... I'm single – per se. I'm just a regular guy who just wants to have friendship and good times. And I like meeting people." Uh, what? What about Hailey Glassman? "She's always a good friend of mine. Her family is so good. They took me in and I lived there for a while. I love them to death." Okay, so are you together? "We are going to chill out for a while and see where it takes us. I'm not looking for anyone." And what about Kate 2.0? We are just friends." [People]
• Jon shopped Madison Avenue and spent $950 on one pair of shoes. [Page Six]
• Kate Hudson! Alex Rodriguez! Kissing! At Yankee Stadium! [NY Daily News]
• Were Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart forced to be apart at Comic-Con, since the focus was supposed to be on Kristen and Taylor Lautner instead? [E!]
• It's official: Nadya Suleman has signed a reality show deal and each of her 14 kids will earn $250 a day. Taping begins September 1. [Us Magazine]
• Kate Moss has signed up to be a judge on Simon Cowell's new battle of the bands show, which attempts to discover an unsigned group. [Mirror]
• Carly Simon was a surprise guest (via speakerphone) at Simon Cowell's 50th birthday on Saturday and joked that "You're So Vain" was about him. [The Sun]
• Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are still trying to wring more money out of American Idol. [LA Times]
• David Beckham had yet another confrontation with a fan during a Los Angeles Galaxy match; this time some dude allegedly dissed Victoria. "What he was saying about my wife was a disgrace," Bekcham says. [BBC News]
• Because he doesn't have more pressing things to worry about, Amy Winehouse's father Mitch has recorded an album with some Frank Sinatra covers and his own songs. [The Sun]
• Now that they're divorced, Blake Fielder-Civil is talking about the time Amy almost died in his arms from a drug overdose. [Daily Mail]
• LeAnn Rimes and husband Dean Sheremet are separated. This news comes right after last week's Midweek Madness revelation that LeAnn and Eddie Cibrian are still having an affair. Eddie's wife says she and her husband are "taking some time apart." So make of it what you will. [Us Magazine]
• Dean's Twitter reads: "Thanks to everyone for all the support through a very difficult time!" [People]
• If you want to read some "what went wrong?" speculation about LeAnn and Dean's relationship, go ahead. [People]
• Robert Plant was in a car crash but he's okay. [Telegraph
• Orlando Bloom has decided not to appear in the next Pirates of the Caribbean film; because everything "tied up nicely for his character Will Turner." [Daily Mail]
• Farrah Fawcett left her estate — a couple of million dollars — to her son, Redmond, but nothing to her "long-term lover" Ryan O'Neal. [Daily Mail]
• PETA hearts Hayden Panettiere. [Page Six]
• BREAKING: Adrian Grenier buys drinks for ladies. [Page Six]
• Candy Spelling is communicating with Tori Spelling via TMZ now. [TMZ]
• Leslie Mann says being married to Judd Apatow has its perks: "I haven't had to audition in a while. I'm the worst auditioner ever. And no, I didn't have to audition for [Funny People]." [USA Today]
• Michael Jackson's "secret Norwegian love child" claims his mom was employed at Neverland as a nanny; while his dad was a driver. Sing: The kid is not my son. [Daily Mail]
• "Michael Jackson's strenuous rehearsal schedule was causing him to lose 5-6 pounds a day, according to his nurse Cherilyn Lee." [MSNBC]
• Ugh: Seems like Dr. Conrad Murray gave Michael Jackson Propofol, left the room, and when he returned, Michael was dead. He did CPR, but it didn't work. Paramedics wanted to pronounce MJ dead at the house but Dr. Murray wanted him taken to the hospital, where even after doctors gave up, Dr. Murray continued CPR. Strange behavior for a doc. And if all this is true then OK! had a picture of a dead body on its cover. [TMZ, TMZ]
• Dr. Tohme Tohme has revealed that he has turned over "secret" money given to him by Michael Jackson for the purchase of a home in Las Vegas. [Mirror]
• Peter Jackson says he's about 3 or 4 weeks away from turning in a draft of a script for The Hobbit. [LA Times]
• Something about Katherine Heigl and her costar's penis, in that romcom that came in well below the guinea pig movie at the box office this weekend. [E!]
• True Blood season 3 teases at the link. [EW]
• Plus! True Blood video: Anna Paquin, Alexander Skarsgård, and Stephen Moyer speaking in their real accents. [EW]
• For next year, Lost is bringing back characters from season one. "Just trust us," executive producer Carlton Cuse asks. [Reuters]
• Meet the new Real Housewife Of Atlanta: Kandi Burruss. [CNN]
• Protect your ears: Carrie Prejean sings. [TMZ]
• Javier Bardem turned down the role in Oliver Stone's Wall Street sequel, and now Josh Brolin is being offered the part. [Deadline Hollywood]
• "Is John Travolta cracking up? It's not just grief - and guilt - over his dead son that are tearing the actor apart." [Daily Mail]
• Boy George was blocked from becoming a Hare Krishna because of his homosexuality… in the late '80s. [Daily Express]
• It's too early for a Joe Francis video about bribing and girls. [TMZ]
• "Rachel Hunter is leaving Los Angeles and returning home to New Zealand to get over being dumped just weeks before her wedding," [Daily Express]
• Billy Bob Thornton's estranged daughter: Free on bail. [UPI]
• An arrest has been made in connection to the death of American Idol contestant Alexis Cohen. [TMZ]
• Katie "Jordan" Price didn't get a role as a "naturally sexy" large-breasted Irish nanny in the Sex And The City movie sequel. [The Sun]
• Retro gossip: Bob Dylan wanted to make sure he got paid when he did a screen test for Andy Warhol. [Page Six]
• HBO scored highest among 15 networks for its representation of gay characters last season, according to a report released today. [AP]
• "I've hugged those breasts. There aren't many people who can say that." — Allison Janney on Dolly Parton. [Page Six]
• "It feels really good to be able to buy a place by myself. It is time for me to move. I have lived in a condo and it's just time. I've always wanted to buy a big house myself and it is so gratifying to be able to." — Kim Kardashian. [People]
• "Surgery was a success, now I just have to let it heal. I am totally jazzed that they found the problem, fixed it and in about four months my hand will feel like I am 18 again." — Eddie Van Halen. [UPI]
• "I didn't want to act. It wasn't like I was waiting in the wings, like All About Eve. It was a refuge, and I found to my surprise that I liked these people." — Hugh Dancy. [NY Times]
• "Years ago one of my mentors, Orson Welles, told me, 'A career is made not by what you do but by what you don't do.' But so much about these past few years has been about saying yes, and it's really paid off." — Cybill Shepherd, who will play a former witch on the new ABC series Eastwick, based on The Witches Of Eastwick. [NY Times]
• "I always look at a script and say, 'Can I do my thing? Can I pop?' If it's a small part, can I pop, can I make an impact with this part? . . . I don't want to be pegged as something definitive. I want to be chameleon-like." — Kyra Sedgwick. [LA Times]
• "She's so smart we wanted her to find a cure for AIDS or something. We were pretty firm about her finishing her education but when we saw how talented she was we finally said okay." — Blythe Danner on wanting daughter Gwyneth Paltrow to do something other than acting. [Daily Express]
• "I was student council president. I even had my own office. I was a cheerleader, too. I found out about cheerleader camp and heard that there were about six guys and 3,000 girls, so I signed up. It was a precursor for a rock-and-roll career." — what Chris Isaak was like in high school. [WaPo]
• "If we're going to do a Rescue Me movie, and I joked about this a couple of years ago when they brought it up … and I said, 'What if we do a Rescue Me movie, so it's the Rescue Me cast, but they're not firefighters and it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'What?' And I was like: 'How cool would that be? It's the Rescue Me cast, but it's a zombie movie.' And they were like, 'No.' And I was like, 'Well, that's the only way I'm doing it.' Like 'Shaun of the Dead, like a funny, real scary zombie movie. … They didn't go for it." — Denis Leary. [UPI]
• "No one in my family watches it. My wife, my mum, my sisters; they've never watched it. I don't think it even occurs to them." — Dominic West, on The Wire. [Telegraph]
• "The No. 1 demographic of high school dropouts are Latino women. I know there are economic factors for why young Latinos are so undereducated, but it also starts with what we place importance on as a culture. We have to empower the next generation to accept education as a way up, and I believe you have to start with the women so they can pass it on to their kids." — America Ferrara, at a commencement speech for Kaplan University. [UPI]
• "I kicked some major butt. It was many, many, hours, days, and months of stunt training and strength training, but it's fun because I had a goal. The goal was the Lycra catsuit." — Scarlett Johansson on preparing for her "unforgiving" Black Widow costume. [People]

• Kate Moss and Beth Ditto performed an "impromptu duet" at a club last night — singing "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. Guess who thought they did a great job? Simon Cowell. [The Sun]

• Simon Cowell is reportedly "exhausted" and "can't go on juggling three high-profile talent competitions." Will he quit American Idol, X Factor, or Britain's Got Talent? [MSNBC]
• Hayden Panettiere, 19, has a nude scene in new movie I Love You, Beth Cooper. She says: "If I can't flaunt it at 20, come on! I mean I might as well show it now." [NY Daily News]
• FYI: Hayden Panettiere is single and looking to mingle, after dumping her boyfriend, UK TV presenter Steve Jones. [Daily Mail]
• Teenage heartbreak! Kevin Jonas, 21, is engaged to girlfriend Danielle Deleasa. "She said yes, yes, yes like 500 times super fast in a row," the oldest Jonas Brother gushes. [Rolling Stone]
• Brüno was re-rated to R from NC-17 after cuts and revisions. Specifically: Black circles will appear over certain naked body parts in three scenes. [Page Six]
• Jennifer Aniston, master chef? Friends say is an "awesome" cook and "everyone says she should open her own restaurant." [Daily Express]
• Oh dear: Holly Madison and illusionist Criss Angel: Back on. Just when we thought he'd made himself disappear! [Star]
• OK! magazine paid $500,000 for that "last" picture of Michael Jackson on the cover, and this columnist calls it "a new low." [MSNBC Scoop]
• One of Michael Jackson's former bodyguards says that he used to "confiscate" drugs from Michael Jackson and that Michael's doctors "have blood on their hands." This man also claims that Michael Jackson had a "secret girlfriend" when he died: "I'm not going to name who she is but I think the family were aware that there was someone special in his life who he loved and adored and had his ups and downs with. I don't know how long they've been a couple. I know she's been with him for some time in different capacities but... it's up to her if she wants it to come out or the family to speak about this very private information." [CBS News, Independent]
• Sources are saying that Michael Jackson's body had numerous injection marks. [TMZ]
• The DEA will assist the LAPD in investigating the doctors who treated Michael Jackson. [TMZ]
• Did Michael Jackson use the names Omar Arnold and Jack London to get more drugs? [TMZ]
• Will there be a public Michael Jackson memorial at the Los Angeles Coliseum? [AP]
• One place there won't be a public memorial: Neverland. [AP]
• "Michael Jackson had a mountain of unreleased recordings in the vault when he died - music that is almost certain to be packaged and repackaged for his fans in the years to come." [AP]
• This report claims that a second Michael Jackson will does not exist. [TMZ]
• "[Michael Jackson] didn't like his children to stand staring into a mirror for too long when getting ready. 'I look great,' young Prince once said as he combed his hair. 'No, you look OK,' Michael corrected him." [Daily Mail]
• The promoter of Michael Jackson's O2 concerts is understandably confused: "We want answers. We have poured millions of cash into Michael's comeback. All the tests pointed to Jacko being in fine physical shape. It's a complete mystery. The insurance company had an independent physician fly out from New York and give him a five-hour exam. We were told that he passed with flying colours. Now I would like see the results. If he was taking that amount of prescription drugs and cocktails, wouldn't that have been picked up in the blood test?" [Uri Geller "found Michael Jackson so sedated on a trip to the UK he screamed at him to wake up." [The Sun]
• Uri Geller also claims that he once hypnotized Michael Jackson and asked: "Tell me with total honesty - did you ever touch a child in an inappropriate manner? He answered without hesitation. 'No. I would never do that.' ‘Then why did you pay Jordy Chandler's family off?' 'It was the easiest thing to do.' He appeared to be still under deep hypnosis and I believed he was quite incapable of lying." [Spectator]
• Will ABBA replace Michael Jackson, playing shows on the dates he would have? [The Sun]
• Marcia Clark weighs in on Michael Jackson here. [The Daily Beast]
• Jermaine Jackson says of brother Michael: "He went too soon. I don't know how people are going to take this, but I wish it was me." [Breitbart]
• 64% of Americans say news organizations have covered Michael Jackson's death too much. [AP]
• Mischa Barton tried to bring a friend into a stall in the ladies' room at a club in London, but was stopped by an attendant. So Mischa went in by herself, but took so long that people were knocking on the door and asking if she was okay. Unrelated: One of the commenters on this story takes issues with Mischa's scuffed shoes: "A bit of boot polish wouldn't go amiss, they are disgraceful! I was always brought up to believe that you could judge a person's character by the state of their shoes." [Daily Mail]
• Daryl Hannah's essay, "Why I Was Arrested in Coal River, West Virginia," is a tale of Mountain Top Removal and activism. [Huffington Post]
• Check our the Photoshopped, porcelain-smooth face of Nicole Kidman in these citrus-flavored Schweppes beverage ads. [JustJared]
• Watch for Paula Abdul to guest star on Lifetime's new series Drop Dead Diva. She'll be acting, you guys. [People]
• Ryan O'Neal banned son Griffin O'Neal from Farrah Fawcett's funeral. [Page Six]
• Why did Rachel Hunter's "millionaire toyboy" call of he wedding weeks before the ceremony? No concrete answers here, just speculation, like: "It seems - excuse the pun - that the ice hockey player got cold feet over the couple's 13-year age gap." [Daily Mail]
• The medical examiner who oversaw the private autopsy on David Carradine has said that the star died from asphyxiation, and it was not a suicide. [Reuters]
• RIP Mollie Sugden, who played Mrs. Slocombe on Are You Being Served? We'll miss that purple bouffant! [Guardian]
• "It can be difficult to fight the pressure to be thin but I've learned over the years to accept who I am. My children help enormously. They constantly tell me I'm beautiful, which makes it easier." — Andie MacDowell. [Daily Express]
• "If audiences had known my true feelings, they may have felt I wasn't right for the series." — Sarah Jessica Parker, who admits that she is shocked by Carrie Bradshaw's "racy" antics. [The Sun]
• "I just wrote an illustrated children's book. It's going to be launching in about a year, but I just finished the text." — Tori Spelling. [In Touch]
• "I was going to start a rumor that I'm sleeping with Jon Gosselin, but even I'm not willing to go there with his free Ed Hardy hoodie and his tiger pants. Clearly, Jon and Kate have gotten everything free, including their house, I think. They kicked my [butt] in the getting-free-[stuff] department." — Kathy Griffin. [Austin 360]
• "I needed that time away [from acting] to get re-energized. So when Nia [Vardalos] called and said, 'I wrote this script and I want you to read it,' I said, 'What is it?' She said, 'It's a romantic comedy.' I said, 'Send it over!' I was droolin.'" — John Corbett. [LA Times]
• "We're not thrilled with how [President Obama] is dealing with the issue [of gay rights] right now, but my guess is that polling is telling him that the American people by and large are more concerned about the economy. He probably doesn't want to take on a hot social issue like this, but I think the memorandum he signed is a baby step. Legalizing gay marriage is inevitable." — Kathy Griffin. [Austin 260]

• Though Kate Gosselin filed for divorce from Jon on Monday, the filing does not contain custody information at this time. Will Kate ask for primary custody? How much time will Jon get? [Star Magazine]

• By the by, those Crooked Houses Jon & Kate's 8 play in? $7,000 a piece. [ABC News]
• Kate Gosselin is on People magazine, with the cover line: "It feels like I failed." [People]
• New Jon & Kate episodes will include Jon's new girlfriend, 23-year-old Deanna Hummel. [Gatecrasher]
• "Reports this week claim Aniston has been sent text messages by Angelina Jolie demanding she 'back off'." Heh. Hahhaha. Ha. [Daily Mail]
• Is Britney Spears going to be in a Nazi movie? Brain… cannot… compute. [National Ledger]
• Rihanna didn't take the stand in Chris Brown's court case, so now Cover Girl has resumed its ad campaign featuring the singer. It's okay to think she's pretty again! [TMZ]
• Perez Hilton has released a new statement in which he says: "Words can hurt." And: "I wish none of it had happened. I can't take it back." And: "Who I am as a person and what I do for a living are two separate things." And: "Several television and radio shows over the past couple of days echoed the sentiment 'He had it coming'. Would they have said the same thing if I was a woman? Would I have 'deserved it' if I had been stabbed? Or shot? Or killed?" [Perez]
• Anne Hathaway loans her friends designer dresses out of her closet. [Gatecrasher]
• If you work for Oprah, you're going on a trip! She is taking 100 employees - and their families - on an all-expenses paid 10-day cruise around the Mediterranean. JEALOUS. [Gatecrasher via Pop Crunch]
• "Madonna is trying to recreate her beloved Wiltshire manor in the middle of Manhattan." [The Sun]
• "Fitness fanatic Madonna has banned smoking roadies from coming within 50ft of her…" [The Sun]
• Video of Zachary Quinto walking his dog with a friend who is dressed as a giant steak. Quinto falls, curses. The walking resumes. Inexplicable. [ONTD]
• LOL: Ellen's variety show will be called Bigger Longer & Wider. It debuts on TBS this Saturday at 9pm, with Kanye West, David Blaine and Nick Cannon among the performers. [USA Today]
• More drama involving Danielle Staub from the Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Smoking Gun has discovered that in 1986, she was charged with eight felonies, including extortion, cocaine possession, and narcotics conspiracy. And you know how Staub told People she was "never a prostitute. Never"? She told a federal agent she worked for an escort service. [MSNBC, The Smoking Gun]
• Great Q&A with Teresa from RHONJ at the link; she's asked if there's a little too much onyx and granite in her house abd says: "No, I don't think you can ever have too much. I coulda had more." [Newsweek]
• And! When asked, "On a scale of 1 to 10 how much does Danielle annoy you?" Teresa answers: "20." [Newsweek]
• The stuff dreams are made of: James Franco reading Proust. [Page Six]
• Were Megan Fox and Josh Brolin involved in a New Orleans fire? [Page Six]
• Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo: Over. But those hot tub pix live forever! [People]
• Liev Schreiber plays a cross-dresser in Ang Lee's film Taking Woodstock and says: "[Ang] really did like my legs. When I went to his office, the first thing he said to me was, 'Wow, you have really nice legs.' I thought, 'This part is mine.'" [NY Mag]
• Pardon my groan: The Jonas Brothers are on the cover of Rolling Stone (again) looking like they bought fake IDs and are headed to the local leather bar to watch some bear on cub wrestling. [JustJared]
• "Martina Navratilova sued for millions by 'wife' after being 'dumped without warning.'" [Daily Mail]
• Katherine Heigl will star in a romance flick called Life As We Know It, which she is producing with her mother. [Variety]
• Daniel Craig will star in Dream House, a psychological thriller about a man who moves his family to a small town only to find it haunted by the former inhabitants who were murdered there. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Craig Robinson, Heather Graham, Johnny Knoxville and Camilla Belle will join Kevin Spacey in the comedy Father Of Invention, which Spacey is producing. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Julianne Hough probably won't be in Footloose, as her acting is abominable. [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge of The Hills is getting her own reality show, creatively titled The Audrina Show. [EW]
• Epic Marilyn Manson interview! He talks about how he felt when he and Evan Rachel Wood broke up: "My walls were covered in scrawlings of the lyrics and cocaine bags nailed to the wall. And I did have an experience where I was struggling to deal with being alone and being forsaken and being betrayed by putting your trust in one person, and making the mistake of that being the wrong person. And that's a mistake that everyone can relate to. I made the mistake of trying to, desperately, grasp on and save that and own it. And every time I called her that day — I called 158 times — I took a razorblade and I cut myself on my face or on my hands." [Spin]
• Marilyn Manson also says of Evan Rachel Wood: "I have fantasies every day about smashing her skull in with a sledgehammer." [Spin]
• John Travolta is in South Africa, as a way to honor his late son who loved safaris. [TMZ]
• Is R. Kelly involved in a scam that robbed the elderly of £1million? [The Sun]
• Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai is involved with some kind of illegal purchase of land, uh-oh. [Times of India]
• Michael Madsen owes Pierce Brosnan and Quentin Tarantino money. Not ten bucks — like $25,000 to Brosnan and $1 million to QT. [TMZ]
• "Rachel Hunter devastated as ice hockey player fiancé calls off wedding SEVEN WEEKS before big day." [Daily Mail]
• Come on baby shake your pigskin: Gloria Estefan and her husband Emilio are buying a share in the NFL's Miami Dolphins. [UPI]
• Joan Rivers is moving to L.A. and selling her Upper East side condo and Connecticut cottage, which is "so filled to the brim with campy knickknackery that it almost looks découpaged" and where Joan keeps a photograph of herself next to the bed. [NY Mag]
• Phil Spector is now in the "sensitive needs" area of California state prison, which is separate from the "gen pop." [USA Today]
• Blind item! "Which TV star will absolutely scream when she discovers her husband was chasing girls at an L.A. nightclub over the weekend?" [Gatecrasher]
• Q. Was it fun flipping the table? A: "Fun? It was heat of the moment and it was something that came spontaneously. That was my anger coming out. I just had enough of her. I was just done. I've never done it before. Will I ever do it again? I don't think so because I don't think I'll let someone get to me like she does because in real life I probably would have stopped hanging out with her." — Teresa, of The Real Housewives Of New Jersey. [Newsweek]
• "I'd be a liar if I said it was easy. I think it's very different nowadays for working mothers. Before, a woman could take two years off - a year for her pregnancy and then the first year, but I don't think that's possible for women in showbusiness or in any industry any more. You just have to keep going - keep looking forward. If you stop, you're like, 'Oh God, it's too overwhelming.' And believe me, I've had my fair share of those moments." — Anna Friel. [Telegraph]
• "I really cannot tell you if there will ever be another Batman movie. Chris [Nolan, director] has obviously done an incredible job with it. He's devoted to the movie that he's on right now. I'm none the wiser about we'll ever be revisiting Gotham or not." — Christian Bale. Of another Terminator movie he says: "No conversation has been had about that at all." [Pop Wrap]
• "That song is about when someone said to me, 'Okay, I want to be with you until I die.' And then they gave up. I was at the point in my life where I was like, 'Okay, let's die, but I tell you what, I'm going to kill you first, because I don't trust you.' Honestly. It's hard to look back and see myself as the same person. I'm very objective now. I started to apply this really fantastic rule that they don't teach you in AA or AAA, or any other acronym: Do drugs and drink when you're happy, not when you're sad. It has a great effect. But I can't say that I did that the whole time." — Marilyn Manson, still talking about Evan Rachel Wood. [Spin]
• "She's a lot shorter than I thought she would be, but I was pleased by that. I'm happy there was a flaw. Having said that, I think Angelina is pretty talented. And a remarkable human being, and a great mom. She's definitely not like any other lady I know." — Six foot three Liev Schreiber, on his five foot eight Salt costar Angelina Jolie. [Gatecrasher]
• "I did teach Abby how to say the f-word. I taught her how to drop the f-bomb in every way possible. I said, 'You're a child in an adult's world. I can't be a child for you. When she didn't swear, I said, 'You're starting to offend me Abby. If you don't start swearing every three words then I will fine you.'" — Cameron Diaz, 36 on working with Abigail Breslin, 13 in My Sister's Keeper. [Mirror]
• "I am so often puzzled [by journalists]. Sometimes they go, 'So what's this all about? ... What do you look like when you go home? Do you dress like this all the time?' It's rude! It's not nice… [Lady Gaga] is who I am. Me and my hair bow, we go to bed together. She sleeps where I sleep." — Lady GaGa. [Yahoo News via AP]

• Oh, snap: Paulina Porizkova has been given the pink slip by Tyra and America's Next Top Model! The '80s supermodel told Craig Ferguson on the Late, Late Show:

"Listen, do you know why I am in Los Angeles? Because I am looking for a job. Because I was fired by America's Next Top Model on my birthday." (PP's birthday was April 9.) She continued: "The reason I was told I was fired was because, it seemed, that America's Next Top Model has gotten too fat and they needed to cut some fat and the fat was me. So I figured it was either that or my gigantic huge ego. Which I wasn't aware of until I was told by the producers that I have an ego problem." Will Twiggy come back? Or will the show just have Ms. J, Nigel and Tyra as judges? [E!]

• Did George Clooney get smashed and puke at a party in Miami? A snitch says "He was drinking vodka and Patron, but it looked like he'd had enough," then he hurled in the VIP area. George says: "That never happened, although I was sitting next to someone who did throw up." Right, right. [Gatecrasher]
• Did Brad Pitt get wasted and drunk dial Jennier Aniston? A source says he called and told her he misses her and that he's sorry for any hurt caused." Right, right. [Gatecrasher]
• Someone tried to break into Lindsay Lohan's house yesterday. Cops thought maybe the house was ransacked, but, no, it was just messy. Who among us has not had a bedroom that looked like it was hit by burglars? I have been there. [TMZ]
• Whoops: Rihanna accidentally sent Chris Brown birthday presents! "One of Rihanna's assistants accidentally gave him an expensive pair of sneakers and a watch that Rihanna had bought before they broke up," a source tells Us Weekly. "She no longer wanted to send them." [MSNBC]
• Kate Winslet wears a ring given to her by Leonardo DiCaprio, and it's engraved inside. But she won't reveal what the text reads. One guess: "I'm cold, Rose." [Mirror]
• More on this in Midweek Madness, but Kate from Jon & Kate Plus 8 maybe "drew up a secret contract that allows Jon to have girlfriends on the side - as long as he stays on the show." [Star]
• Former Idol runner-up Clay Aiken has reached out to Adam Lambert, but apparently the Idol producers don't want Gayken anywhere near Glambert. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Britney Spears' cousin and former assistant Alli Sims has a new single on iTunes, which she alerted her entire phone book about via text message. [Page Six]
• Since what every woman lives for is to be validated by men, Olivia Wilde must be thrilled that she is number one on the Maxim Hot 100 list. [USA Today]
• Wow! Jennifer Hudson looks gorgeous on the new cover of Essence. LOL at the number one sex secret: "Make Him Say Your Name." People! That is a Beyoncé song. [The Life files]
• Michael Jackson could take home more than $50 million from his 50-show stint at London's O2 Arena. [Reuters]
• Michael Jackson's tour is "shrouded in secrecy." A source says "here are some big things that will happen and amaze." [MSNBC]
• Nicole Kidman was supposed to star in a Woody Allen film with Josh Brolin and Naomi Watts, but has "bolted" from the project. [Variety]
• As seen in this 2008 video, Carrie Prejean was a lingerie model for E! [E!]
• Mark Ronson names his "essentials": Lagavulin whiskey; Duran Duran; the Sunday New York Times. Among others. [Men.Style.Com]
• Justin Timberlake's family adores Jessica Biel. [Page Six]
• A 50 Cent/Bette Midler duet would be epic. Amazing! In the meantime, you'll have to make do knowing that they garden together. Sorta. [E!]
• Drop everything and shed a single glistening tear: Chad Michael Murray is leaving One Tree Hill. Ditto Hilarie Burton. [E!]
• This Daily Fail story is about how Leona Lewis is lonely, homesick and gaining weight; based on a few photos. Charming. [Daily Mail]
• Depeche Mode's lead singer, Dave Gahan, is in the hospital in Athens, Greece for an undisclosed illness. Insert "Shake The Disease" or "Just Can't Get Enough" or "Personal Jesus" joke here. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre constantly sniped at each other and she called him her "punch bag," so maybe it's best that they have split. [The Sun]
• This report claims that Katie "Jordan" Price was training for a marathon (?!?!) and refusing to fornicate, which is why "sex-starved" hubs Peter Andre wanted out. [The Sun]
• I called this, but here it is: "Katie Price's mystery man is gay equestrian star." [News.com.au]
• Kylie Minogue and her hot hottie boyfriend went to a photobooth where they acted "like a pair of lovestruck teenagers." Whee! [Daily Mail]
• Kid Rock is making an alcohol product called Bad Ass Beer. "It just tastes like good American light beer…an everyday beer," he says. "It's creating jobs in Michigan at the brewing company. We know people are hurting here so we're trying to take that whole approach." [LA Times]
• New day, same story: Trudie Styler, Rainforest Foundation founder, hired a private jet for the White House Correspondents' Dinner. Won't someone think of the epiphytes?!?!?! [Daily Mail]
• Anna Kournikova had so many demands related to a recent speaking engagement — chauffeur, first class plane tickets — that she is being called Costly Kournikova. [Daily Mail]
• This guy who "contributed script ideas" to Guy Ritchie's flick, RocknRolla, is on the "most wanted" list in London; he was involved in a demonstration against Israel's presence in Gaza and his Facebook (?!?!) states, "Muslim first before anything. And InshAllah I will die one…" [The Sun]
• Three words: Goonies cast reunion. [USA Today]
• Blind item! "Which self-branded wanna-be celeb was caught doing the walk of shame at11 a.m. - in her ball gown - after a recent gala in D.C.? [Gatecrasher]
• "It's very exciting and very different than the first one, which is the luxury of getting to do another one. We did the first one, and those were our pent-up things that we hadn't finished in the show, so now we're just starting fresh in a way, which is really, really exciting. It's just a new adventure." — Kristin Davis, on the Sex And The City sequel. [Mirror]
• "I've changed the destination of my wedding seven times." — Rachel Hunter. [Page Six]
• "Somebody told me these people are using it. I hate politics. I just want people to serve the people. I want governments, whichever government comes in, to be unbiased and say there should be justice in the country and that's my purpose in life." — Composer AR Rahman, who is upset that Indian political campaigns are using the song "Jai Hao." [Times Of India]
• "This is what I told the guys: The plan was I wanted to do the dance record, go on the tour, come home and get pregnant — since I'm a pro at it now because I did it before. I'll write the record while I'm pregnant, then after I have the baby, we'll go on tour and we'll have a new No Doubt record. It'll be amazing… It totally didn't work. I don't know how other women feel, but I lose connection with myself because my body becomes this other vessel for this other human, even after a few months, you don't have your body back, you're not yourself. I was feeling not very modern, not very creative." — Gwen Stefani, on working with No Doubt. [LA Times]
• "Lindsay is a good person to have watch over Ali right now. Lindsay can show Ali the ropes. Ali's out there working on her record and singing career." — Dina Lohan. [MSNBC]
• "I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER... WHY WOULD I USE TWITTER??? I ONLY BLOG 5 PERCENT OF WHAT I'M UP TO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'M ACTUALLY SLOW DELIVERING CONTENT BECAUSE I'M TOO BUSY ACTUALLY BUSY BEING CREATIVE MOST OF THE TIME AND IF I'M NOT AND I'M JUST LAYING ON A BEACH I WOULDN'T TELL THE WORLD. EVERYTHING THAT TWITTER OFFERS I NEED LESS OF. THE PEOPLE AT TWITTER KNOW I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING TWITTER SO FOR THEM TO ALLOW SOMEONE TO POSE AS ME AND ACCUMULATE OVER A MILLION NAMES IS IRRESPONSIBLE AND DECEITFUL TO THERE FAITHFUL USERS. REPEAT... THE HEADS OF TWITTER KNEW I DIDN'T HAVE A TWITTER AND THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHICH ACCOUNTS HAVE HIGH ACTIVITY ON THEM. IT'S A FUCKING FARCE AND IT MAKES ME QUESTION WHAT OTHER SO CALLED CELEBRITY TWITTERS ARE ACTUALLY REAL OR FAKE. HEY TWITTER, TAKE THE SO CALLED KANYE WEST TWITTER DOWN NOW .... WHY? ... BECAUSE MY CAPS LOCK KEY IS LOUD!!!!!!!!!" — Your friend, Kanye West. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan ended a relationship with a woman a month ago and has been accused of being too thin... so clearly she's pregnant. She's also supposedly distraught because she doesn't know who the daddy is.

• When reporters asked Linds about her bun in the oven, she just laughed. We don't blame her. [E!]
• Billy Arnone, Carrie Prejean's brother, posted a video on YouTube today to defend his sister and promote his dirt bike racing career. He says they were "raised right" and adds, "I've never been a skinhead." Thanks for clearing that up. [TMZ]
• In this video, recorded from an Eminiem radio appearance, he says, "we're taking callers now, any women who want to be peed on." When the host says Mariah Carey is on the line, Eminem says he's already peed on her. [YouTube]
• Though Michael Jackson is being sued over his sold-out London comeback concerts, he has already started rehearsals with choreographer and director Kenny Ortega, who worked on Dirty Dancing, High School Musical and MJ's previous Dangerous and HIStory tours. [The L.A. Times]
• Just so you know, Vanessa Hudgens, "will show nudity in a film when the time is right," she said. "Right now, I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it, but like I said, when the time's right, if it's an amazing movie that I'm really passionate about and that's what it calls for, then we'll see." [E!]
• Megan Fox complained, "It pisses me when people fucking complain that I'm too beautiful to get a part. That's bullshit." She added, "And if I weren't attractive I wouldn't be working at all." [The Sun]
• Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate Plus 8 says she is horrified by claims that she had an affair with her bodyguard, Steve Neild. "Of course, [Neild and his family] travel with us at times, and we've spent holidays together, because, in this situation, your circle grows smaller and smaller, and it's very natural to become friends with your manager, your publicist, your security team ... they're the only people you have left. And now they're coming under fire." says Kate. "I'm totally panicking, and thinking, 'We are going to lose our last set of friends.' I keep calling them, begging, 'Seriously, I'm so sorry. Don't run away from us.' They keep saying, ‘We're fine, we're fine.' But they have paparazzi in front of their house. It's so upsetting." [People]
• Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard has revealed that she just got married and is 5 and a half months pregnant. She married photographer Sacha Brown in Indonesia. In keeping with local custom, she wore a black, long-sleeved tunic, a sarong and a white veil, and Brown wore a hat, a sword, and a sarong. "A long, manly sarong," said Beard. "He felt he looked like Aladdin!" [People]
• Rachel Hunter says her wedding to hockey player Jarrett Stole will take place in Northern California in mid-August, but her guests may want to wait to book tickets. "I am terrible" at wedding planning, Hunter says. "I need to be given less time than a year to plan, because I change my mind so often. It was going to be in Mexico, but we decided otherwise. I've made seven changes to the location." [People]
• Bob Barker may not come to the Game Show Awards this weekend because Betty White might be there. He and White are feuding over an elephant he wants relocated from the L.A. Zoo. [BuzzerBlog]
• When Matthew Reeve, son of Christopher Reeve, runs the New York City marathon to raise money for his late father's foundation, which supports people with spinal cord injuries, he will wear number 1275, the represent the 1.275 million people with spinal cord injuries. [People]
• In the trial over Brooke Astor's son allegedly changing her will, film producer John Hart testified that even though she'd met Matthew Broderick many times, at a dinner after The Producers she didn't recognize him. Hart says Broderick said to her, "Brooke, I'm Matthew. You love me. What did you think of the play?" [Gothamist]
• When asked if he would be in the Sex and the City sequel Jason Lewis said, "[There's] a good chance, yeah." He also congratulated Sarah Jessica Parker on her new twins and said, "She's a really neat lady. She's obviously prolific in what she's done - she's successful - but when she brought the kid to the set, mom would come on. She's very sweet with children, you can see that joy and innocence come out of her." [PopSugar]
• "We're very excited," said Kristin Davis of her Sex and the City co-star's new babies. "I [will] get to hold one, when Sarah is holding the other." [People]
• Joseph Fiennes is starring in a London production of Cyrano de Bergerac. He says of his character's signature feature, "Actually, we are just using my nose... No, I've had this extraordinary death mask cast done of my face in plaster to make this prosthetic nose, about four inches long." [The Telegraph]
• Prince Williams made a surprise visit to 109-year-old Catherine Masters because she wrote to the Queen politely pointing out that she had sent her the same birthday card for the past five years. The two had tea and talked, "He told me he liked making shepherd's pie and said he used a masher to mash the potatoes," she said, "but I told him he was doing it wrong - he should use a fork to fluff the potatoes." [The Daily Mail]
• Depeche Mode canceled an Athens concert Tuesday after lead singer David Gahan got sick and had to be taken to the hospital. [Yahoo]
• Ricky Gervais says of his Night At The Museum 2 co-star Ben Stiller, "The idea was to put him off and make him laugh... the best thing about working with Ben was putting him off. He takes it so seriously and he's such a professional." [The Star]
• Dave Gahan, who once overdosed on drugs, says of his Depeche Mode bandmate Martin Gore quitting drinking three years ago, "He is a changed man. There's a different side of Martin that has always been there, but sometimes it gets clouded when the drinking and stuff becomes more important than anything else. I think it got to that phase on the last tour, and Martin was the one that stood up and said, 'You know what? I've got to stop this.' It's sort of one of those cliches, one of those myths, that you have to be really messed up to do something cool artistically." [CNN]
• Nathan Lane and Bebe Neuwirth will star as the parents in the new Addams Family musical. [The Daily Express]
• French icon Isabelle Huppert has been named jury president of the Cannes Film Festival, replacing Sean Penn. "It was not easy to find someone after Sean Penn," festival director Thierry Fremaux said. "Sean was great as a president. We'll miss him this year." [Yahoo]
• Linda Fiorentino's ex-boyfriend, FBI agent Mark Rossini will be sentenced on Thursday. He is charged with illegally accessing confidential FBI information for a person described as Madame X, who turned out to be his girlfriend, Fiorentino. [Star]
• Oprah appears on the new cover of O Magazine with a pack of puppies, including her dog Sadie, who she adopted after the photo shoot. "Out of all the pups in that picture, Sadie was the one I felt an instant connection with." Eventually all the other puppies were adopted. Oprah adopted Sadie's brother too, but he died a few weeks later of the parvo virus. [People]
• Jessica Biel had to be filmed driving 1929 BMW roadster in her film Easy Virtue, but they didn't let her actually drive. "I don't drive stick well," she said. "They wouldn't let me do it! The guy who owned the car was like, 'Please don't mess up my baby.'" [Style.com]
• Ally Shapiro, the teenage daughter of the Real Housewives' Jill Zarin, did an email interview about what it's like to be on the show. She says, "My mom is 'exactly the same in her house as outside of it.' Have you read To Kill a Mockingbird? Atticus Finch, anyone? Well, this is the Jewish-momma version. She is loud, truthful, and loving, exactly as you would expect her. And even if I don't agree with her or find her annoying, she is definitely NOT a hypocrite, something she should be proud of." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kelly Bensimon says that even though she seemed obnoxious and slightly nuts on The Real Housewives of New York, that's not the real her. "I was so guarded, I came across as not being me," she said. "Everyone I know was like, ‘That's not you! That's the not the fun Kelly who's always on Kelly time!' I didn't know these women. I was treading in murky waters and I didn't know how to navigate... For next season, I want people to see the real Kelly." So far, "another season of New York is not locked for anybody yet," she explains, but "I would love to be a part of the brand." [People]
• "I'm happy to have people talk about all the craziness they want to talk about, whether it's things like every year we're getting divorced, or we're an open family or Will's gay, or I'm gay," says Jada Pinkett Smith. "You want people to talk about you, because once they stop talking about you, that's when you're really in trouble!" [E!]

• "Rumor has it" that Madonna-maybe-estranged-hubby Guy Ritchie is gifting the material 50-year-old with "a specially designed, bespoke diamond necklace from Bulgari worth, £250,000" for her Golden tomorrow. [ElleUK]
• Apparently Diddy's "I Am King" campaign will involve Bond-like shots of him in a dinner jacket hanging with models and getting out of a chopper. Yawn! We were so psyched for crowns and ermine-trimmed robes! [The Life Files]
• Designer Rachel Roy does good. "For Spring 2009, Roy is introducing green designs, which she will continue to selectively incorporate in seasons to come. She will donate 100% of the proceeds to OrphanAid Africa, an organization that aims to help orphans in Ghana to grow up in healthy environments that provide quality care and education." Um, she's also partnering with Grey Goose Vodka for Fashion Week. [Fashion Week Daily]

• The founder of western shirt company Rockmount Ranch Wear has died. Don't be sad, he was 107! Jack Weil "was the first to design Western shirts with snap buttons and also created pockets with jagged, sawtooth-pattern flaps. The snaps are often topped with real or synthetic mother of pearl. Weil's shirts have been worn in movies by Elvis Presley, Clark Gable and Heath Ledger (Brokeback Mountain)." Most recently, Rockmount designed shirts for Colorado's House delegation for the Democratic National Convention in Denver later this month. The company is still family-run; until his death, Weil was still CEO, now his grandson ihas taken over. [Houston Chronicle]
• Nanette Lepore is presenting one of her signature retro shapes, the 'Unfaithful Shift," in red to support cancer charity Gilda's Club International. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Model Erin O'Connor's auctioning 30 items from her wardrobe, including a bag that was a gift from Kaiser Karl himself and gowns by Mouret and Galliano. She's selling the garments to benefit the British Fashion Council, which "provides support for up-and-coming designers" and, incidentally, because they don't fit anymore. Which I'm guessing means they won't fit anyone else, either. [BlackBook]
• If we'd thought about it, we'd frankly have thought that Lilly Pulitzer already made the fragrance equivalent of her frumpy Palm Beach WASP togs, but apparently not: the pink and green doyenne is launching three scents, Beachy, Squeeze and Wink. Why hasn't she launched a perfume before? "“They all stunk!” she said with a laugh during an interview at her Palm Beach, Fla., home, Casa Loca." [WWD]
• Back to School doesn't seem to be helping Abercrombie and Fitch: "Teen clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch Co (ANF.N: Quote, Profile, Research, Stock Buzz) reported a lower quarterly profit on Friday and forecast full-year earnings below analysts' estimates, as the weak U.S. economy leads consumers to cut back on buying clothes." [Reuters]
• The return of Haltson! The ultimate 70s brand is back: check em out at Barneys or, more realistically, Net-a-Porter. [Fashionista]
• Brit label Sinha-Stanic gets backing from Cotton (the Fabric of Our Lives.) [VogueUK]
• Venerable British retailer Marks and Soencer courts teachers' wrath by trying to make kids like them. via latest school uniforms. 'The "Blazer for iPod", which is part of the shop's 2008 Back to School collection, has been branded irresponsible" by teacher's organizations, which are "concerned the new jacket, which has built in controls and hides the ear phone wire in the lapels, will encourage youngsters to flout school rules by listening to music in class." Gosh, in our day all they had to worry about was guys wearing caps in the classroom! [Telegraph]
• Penney's profits plummet. [WWD]
• "Wardrobe malfunction" has been added to the Chambers Dictionary. Under "anachronism" we hope. [Fashionista]
• Been dreaming of a custom Goyard trunk? Yeah, us neither, but if you're extremely rich, you can do this at Barneys for a limited time next month. [Fashion Week Daily]

• Hayden Panettiere's father, Alan, has been arrested for allegedly beating his wife. He allegedly struck Lesley Panettiere in the face this morning at 3 am. If it's true, the man is no hero. Maybe that's why Hayden wants to shack up with her older boyfriend? [TMZ]
• Britney Spears filmed a promo for the MTV Video Music Awards with Russell Brand and an elephant. Does that mean she'll be in the show again this year? Can you believe it has been a year since her "Gimme More" debacle? She could make a real comeback this time. [LA Times]
• George Clooney is helping Barack Obama on issues from body language to Iraq. They e-mail regularly, an insider says: "George has been giving him advice on things such as presentation, public speaking and body language and he also emails him constantly about policy, especially the Middle East. George is pushing him to be more 'balanced' on issues such as US relations with Israel." [Daily Mail]
• The woman who helped raise David Banda, adopted son of Madonna, has died. Asineti Mwale looked after infant David after his birth mother died, and recently was bedridden with pneumonia. [People]

• Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban in matching his-and-hers leather outfits: Ew. [Daily Mail]
• Whoa, there's an Olympic boxer in Beijing named Brad Pitt. Some suggested he go by "Bradley" just to avoid issues during check in and travel, but he says, "No way, I've always been Brad.'' He also says:"The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.'' [Times Of India]
• The New York Times obit of Isaac Hayes refers to his "lascivious bass-baritone and flamboyant wardrobe." He is survived by his wife, their son Nana and 11 other children. [NY Times]
• Did Jennifer Aniston have her lips done? Some random person says yes. [UPI]
• Johnny Depp might be moving to the English countryside. [Mirror]
• The news about the Sienna Miller/Balthazar Getty affair continues to contradict itself. Today, an insider says: "It’s nonsense that the marriage was already over. When Balthazar went away in May, Rosetta thought it was to see his sick mom in Germany. But she now knows that it was to cavort with Sienna in Prague.” [Perez Hilton]
• Model/actress Angie Everhart's boyfriend was arrested Thursday in West Hollywood for allegedly roughing her up. She had minor injuries, but they did not require medical attention. He was booked for misdemeanor spousal battery. [Yahoo News]
• Penelope Cruz was giving a phone interview when her driver almost wrecked the car; the reporter on the other line heard her screaming. [Washington Post]
• Guy Ritchie is taking martial arts in a padded dojo room and this Brit tab runs the headline: "Padded 'Cell' Helps Guy Chill." [The Sun]
• David Beckham says his son Cruz didn't learn breakdancing from him: "I have two left feet when it comes to dancing." Guess that works on the soccer field, though. [The Sun]
• Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones broke immigration and anti-terrorism laws by pulling their yacht into an Italian port and disembarking without paperwork or notifying authorities. Shady! [Variety]
• A woman is suing Splash News after ending up on a tape featuring Heath Ledger "in close proximity" to cocaine. "Jane Doe" says it's a privacy issue: Her face was blurred on the footage but is worried about her "conversations, her voice and likeness." One minute you're partying with celebs, the next you're on Entertainment Tonight. [Yahoo News]
• Rachel Hunter got ice from her hockey player boyfriend: They're engaged. [This Is London]
• UK What Not To Wear star Trinny Woodall has a crush on Keanu Reeves and has been "chasing" him. Take the red pill! [Daily Mail]
• Tori Spelling: Pissed that her role on the new 90210 pays less than what Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty are getting. What's up with that? Stop picking on Donna Martin! [Deadline Hollywood]
• People are still miffed about Beyoncé's L'Oréal ad, including the chairman of the National Association of Black Journalists. [Guardian]
• Matthew McConaughey saved the placenta from the July birth of his son and plans to plant it under a tree. "It's going to be in the orchards and it's going to bear some wonderful fruit," he says. "When I was in Australia, they had a placenta tree that was on the river ... and all the placentas of all that tribe, all that clan, whatever aboriginal tribe that was, all the placentas went under that one tree and it was this huge behemoth of just health and strength." Sounds delicious. [AP]
• Mark your calendars: Blake Fielder-Civil should be out of jail by December 30. [Perez Hilton]
• Another noteworthy date: Jennifer Hudson's CD finally drops on September 30. [Yahoo News]
• Lisa Marie Presley has been blogging on her MySpace page, and while she's happy about being pregnant, she's upset about the gossip machine. "In the past couple of years, high profile type people seem to have less and less rights. Less privacy and protection. The onslaught of Internet and tabloid sites mostly want only blood now. They have managed to make being a public figure a 24/7 public stoning and execution of various sorts. Some obviously more brutal than others." [People]
• The MGM Tower, where Tom Cruise and Salma Hayek have offices, has been the subject of an anonymous threat: Anthrax in the ventilation system. Scary! Last Tuesday there was a bomb threat in the building. WTF. [E!]
• Speaking of Salma, she is developing an hourlong reality show about weddings, just a few months after calling off her own. It will only be worth watching if Wilhelmina Slater is in it. [Variety]
• A picture of Prince William and Kate Middleton on a boat in the Caribbean, for your approval. [People]
• A photo of Rhys Ifans with a topless lady, also for your approval. [The Sun]
• Uh-oh. Miss Universe in nude photo scandal. But! Officials say: the shots for a jewelry company are "artistic in nature, and they don't have an ounce of pornographic content to them." Phew. [Times Of India]
• "Once a Hollywood legend, Doris Day is now an ageing recluse called Clara." [Daily Mail]
• Lil' Kim's nose is looking marginally better these days. [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's nose has been elegantly refined. [Good Plastic Surgery]
• Family drama: Richard Dreyfuss is suing his father and uncle over an $870,000 loan he claims was never repaid. The deal was made in 1984. [Yahoo News]
• "I've been celibate for a year and starting to think I may never have sex again. It’s not something I planned but I just don’t get asked out any more. Men seem to look at me and think, 'She went out with George Clooney, what chance have I got?'" — Lisa Snowdon. [The Sun]
• "My parents have been married more than 25 years, with all the glory and the pain you can imagine, but they've stayed together. I want a strong marriage like that… The worst thing that happens to you can be the best thing for you, if you don't let it get the best of you." — Anne Hathaway on dating. [People]
• Carey Hart's brother Anthony Hart died yesterday after wrecking his motorcycle in a practice session for a Supermoto Championship race. [TMZ]
• "I have not decided on a candidate. I am waiting to see the commitments they will make on issues like international justice, refugees and how to address the needs of children in crisis around the world." — Angelina Jolie on endorsing a presidential candidate. [Wilshire & Washington, via Time]
• "He's the first and last old man that I'll be attracted to." — American Idol's Katharine McPhee on her husband, who is 19 years her senior. [Newsweek]
• "I occasionally go out with musicians, I keep myself to myself, and I get followed by people with cameras. I feel like I should give some kind of public apology because I see this person in the papers, too. It’s like reading about a character in a Lewis Carroll novel, like Alice in Through the Looking Glass. I’d love to meet this person and tell her she’s a bitch – but she’s not me. The drug thing is something I can’t go into for legal reasons, but I will say that it was blown completely out of proportion. I never overdosed. Drugs for me are something I don’t normally meddle in." — Peaches Geldof. [Times of London]

[London, July 23. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

The Accused: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Blaming the victim.
The Evidence: Regarding the Christie Brinkley divorce, Peter Cook's affair and $3,000/month budget on internet porn, PH writes,

"Maybe Christie wasn't satisfying him??? Seems like that was DEFINITELY the case!"

Or! The dude is a cheating sex-addicted dirtbag! That could DEFINITELY be the case!
Additional crime: Reducing a woman to her orifices.
The Evidence: On a post about Sienna Miller dating two new men:

"Hey, she's got three holes - that's enough to keep three men happy easily."

Yeah, not funny.
The Sentence: 500-page essay on the objectification and dehumanization of women in our culture, with a 100-page well-researched addendum on the psychological state of children whose mothers have been cheated on by husbands who hooked up with teens not much older than the children themselves.

The Accused: Webster's Is My Bitch
The Crime: Bodysnarking an infant.
The Evidence: On a photo of Nicole and tiny, helpless Harlow Madden:

"Yikes. That's uh, some baby ya got there, Nicole. At any rate, if 'getting fat' isn't enough to dissuade Paris Hilton from procreating with Benji Madden, hopefully this oughta do it. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure the Madden brothers are perfectly nice and everything, but I don't know that "pasty, big head" are necessarily qualities I'd look for when choosing a sperm donor. Put a pair of ray bans and a fedora on that thing and I'd think that there was three of 'em."

The Sentence: A public apology and 60 hours community service in the neo-natal unit of your local hospital.

The Accused: Yeeeah
The Crime: Mocking a woman's weight, calling an average-sized woman "fat."
The Evidence: This description of Rachel Hunter:

"She looks like the East German hammer throwing team’s secret weapon, not a former swimsuit model turned reality star. It still doesn’t explain why her face got fatter, though. Maybe the folks at NBC made her maintain a strict circus diet of peanuts and cotton candy for her role as Bertha, the Lesbian Lumberjack Circus Clown. Rod Stewart sure dodged a bullet on this one!"

The ensemble is unfortunate, but she is on a circus show. And! Know what? She is 38 and makes way more money that you do. She doesn't have to put people down on the internet to feel better about herself. Shut yer trap.
The Sentence: A strict diet of peanuts and cotton candy for 90 days, followed by a bikini shoot to be plastered worldwide.

We interrupt this post to bring you…
The Drunken Stepfather Rant Of The Day:

"So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass nigger in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude."

…You may now return to your regularly scheduled ennui.

The Accused: I Don't Like You In That Way
The Crime: Nasty nitpicking of a woman's body.
The Evidence: A "upskirt" photograph of Britney Spears, which is, in and of itself, a gross invasion of privacy, though, unfortunately, legal, is accompanied with this text: "If you have a short gag reflex, you might not want to look at these pictures of Britney Spears at Sur in West Hollywood the other night. Mostly because it looks like Britney's ass is growing a beard. I don't know the level of self-esteem it would take to wear this dress with hair growing out of your ass, but needless to say, Britney Spears could teach the class. If Britney's ass was bent over in front of me, I would be pretty sure that I was gay."
The Sentence: Any suggestions?

Want to report a Crime Against Womanity? Send the link to tips@jezebel.com with "Missdemeanors" in the subject line.

You know the old saying, "I wish I knew what I had then."

[Beverly Hills, February 19. Image via Flynet]

• M.I.A. on playing the role of spokesmodel, DJ and popular celeb sighting during NY Fashion Week: "Last year I wasn't let into the Marc Jacobs party and this year I own it!" Ah, groundedness. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• International Herald Tribune fashion critic and former MJ nemesis Suzy Menkes really liked this season's (punctual!) (we're still getting over that!!) Marc Jacobs show: "It was such a good show, I would've waited three hours for it." Tell that to Robin Givhan's dog, Suze. [Fashion Week Daily]
  
• On a darker note, is Marc's mom in rehab? [NY Daily News]
  
• Spain is encouraging apparel manufacturers to start making clothing sizes for three distinct different body types: hourglass, pear, and cylinder. [NYT]

• Join the Rachel Hunter-faced "Style Your Slim" Slimfast program and automatically become part of the American Express fashion rewards program. Because a woman who commits to a lifetime of shakes for breakfast, lunch and a sensible dinner is definitely committing to a lifetime of clothing sizes that change every two months. Yay, money! [FabSugar]
• Loulou de la Falaise, onetime muse to Yves Saint Laurent, to shill costume jewelry for Home Shopping Network. [WWD, sub req'd]
• Comme des Garcons designer Rei Kawakubo has partnered with Speedo to design "the fastest swimsuit ever." [WWD, sub req'd]
• Showing her Red Label line in London clearly isn't activist enough for Vivienne Westwood, who has made encouraging English designers to show in their home country into a full-out political cause. Says Red Label managing director/Westwood mouthpiece Carlo D'Amario, "London has become the global reference point for creativity and never like now there is a need for a permanent platform for the promotion of dynamic British and European talent... I call on John Galliano, Alexander McQueen and Burberry among others to show their younger distribution lines here in London and unite to make London Fashion Week and London not only a centre for creativity but also for business." Talk about a rebel without a cause. [Vogue UK]
• Jezebel girl crush Tilda Swinton on her plans for Oscar fashion: "My pajamas! I'll be watching them from home." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Hush Puppies: Still around! [The Street]
• Revlon is reissuing its Kiss Me Coral lipstick after London-based designer Roksanda Ilinicic pulled the color from their archives to use in tomorrow's London fashion week show. Our grandmother will be so, um, "tickled"! [Vogue UK]
• How did unsigned unknown Argentinian singer-songwriter Lights nab a gig to do the soundtrack for all Old Navy's latest look-how-hip-we-are ads? Turns out some folks still use MySpace! [AdAge]

• David Beckham has a new endorsement deal: Armani underwear in the United States! And you were afraid he and Posh might go broke... [Vogue UK]
  
• Erin Fetherston for Target: Sorta secretly sorta available for purchase online. [Fashionista]
  
• Karl Lagerfeld: "I am a popular figure for Halloween. Last year friends of mine counted 19 copies [of me] they saw at their parties alone... Few [designers] have a very special way of dressing. They are 'classic' or jeans and T-shirt, so what can I take from them? [But] Ralph Lauren like a cowboy could be fun..." [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Were you dying to hear more news about Agent Provocateur? Says Maggie Gyllenhaal of posing for the secretive, unassuming lingerie brand: "It was a great experience. But my brother once called me from Heathrow [Airport] to tell me he had passed a giant picture of me in my underwear. I guess I forgot that would happen."[WWD, 3rd item]

• And! The lingerie line has changed its signature font, because the old one got "imitated to death," and so naturally this occasion calls for a $100 limited-edition coffee table book on the creation of the new font. [FabSugar]
• Capezio footwear is now the official sponsor of the Radio City Rockettes! It's better than the Spice Girls and Victoria's Secret. [WWD, 3rd item]
• Former model/former Mrs. Rod Stewart Rachel Hunter was attacked weirdly, though not injured, in a Melbourne, Australia hotel lobby. [News.com.au]
• New York Times fashion critic Cathy Horyn has a mouse problem in her country house. Thanks for sharing! [NY Times]

Apparently being a "Son of Hollywood" also means having no shame. A day after Randy Spelling admitted to deflowering Paris Hilton, his reality co-star Sean Stewart (son of Rod), has told Howard Stern that he jacked off to the sight of his nude, then-stepmother — model Rachel Hunter — as a teenager. "I used to stare at [her] when she was down by the pool sunbathing naked," Page Six reports Stewart as saying. "I was like 15 or 16 sitting in my pool with a bottle of lotion."

Of course, this scenario sounds suspiciously like a certain 2003 Fountains of Wayne music video, "Stacy's Mom", in which a young teen boy's fantasy of Rachel Hunter stepping out of a swimming pool gets him caught jacking off in a bathroom, Fast Times-style. And we don't quite buy Sean's assertion that Rachel might have responded favorably if he'd had the guts to hit on her. Then again, she did marry Rod Stewart.

Blindfold, Please [PageSix]
Stacy's Mom [YouTube]