• Did Ellen DeGeneres try to trick Mariah Carey into admitting she's pregnant? Mariah was a guest on Ellen's show, and after Ellen asked and got a vague response, she busted out the champagne, saying, "You don't have to answer that. Let's just toast with champagne." Mariah got flustered and said, "I can't believe you did this to me, Ellen," and pretended to sip the bubbly. Knocked up? [Yahoo News via E!]
• Someone's not pregnant: Sarah Jessica Parker in the Sex And The City sequel. Carrie won't be having a kid. "It doesn't seem as if that's going to be a choice she'll make… Michael (Patrick King, director) and I never talk about it. That doesn't mean that won't be part of the story. We just haven't figured it out. It feels a little bit manipulative to toss that into the mix, because she seems so pointed in a different direction." [Daily Express]
• Kanye West and hot hot model Sessilee Lopez: Is it on? [The Sun]
• Madonna has hired a specialist to help her "exorcise the memories" of her ex-husband, Guy Ritchie, from her home. The technique seems to involve throwing shit away. [Mirror]
• Madonna and A-Rod are in Miami together right now, having just landed in a private jet. [TMZ]

• What's this? Even though his ex, Cynthia, claimed Rodriguez would be spending Thanksgiving with Madonna, a source says A-Rod "has been in Florida for days" and "always had every intention of spending the holiday" there with his ex-wife and daughters? [People]
• In other news, Madonna's brother is going to direct a "teen thriller" called Twist. [Hollywood Reporter]
• Britney Spears wants to go back on the road again. She and her conservators have asked the court to allow her to go on a U.S. tour next year: She'd need to make deals with backup singers, roadies, venues, ticket brokers, etc., but legally can't make any of the deals herself. [TMZ]
• Britney will be in New York next week — her album drops Tuesday, so she's hitting Good Morning America, but it's also her 27th birthday. So she'll also have a "very private circus-themed" birthday party that night. Waiting for our invitation! [Page Six]
• The chick from The Rules is offering dating advice to Jennifer Aniston. Says Sherrie Schneider, who co-wrote the infamous dating manual with Ellen Fein: "Never mention Brad's or John Mayer's name in public. Also, don't say anything bad about John, like when you said he was missing a sensitivity chip. Never talk about Angelina or call her 'uncool', even if she was uncool. She does not exist in your world. You are going to be 40 soon. You have no time to waste if you want kids." What's that eyeroll emoticon again? [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Lily Allen and Agyness Deyn got strip searched when they went to Dubai. Lily says: "I knew I didn’t have anything on me so I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t paranoid, just terrified." Agyness agrees: "It was really traumatic. It wasn’t the best experience in the world, but it is their culture and you just have to respect it." [The Sun]
• Ivanka Trump sure is fueling those rumors she might get engaged to boyfriend Jared Kushner — she's guest blogging for Brides.com the first week of December, writing about her style and her jewelry line. [WWD]
• Model Jessica Stam is dating Austin Cregg, the son of '80s pop music icon Huey Lewis. He's facing jail time for marijuana possession and scrawling graffiti. [Page Six]
• An upcoming Law & Order episode will have a young male "supermodel" die in a way that is eerily similar to the way Heath Ledger did. [Page Six]
• Ricki Lake is on Match.com. Go Ricki! [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Oh no, Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem might be on the rocks: They'd agreed to take a break from movies for a year, then he took a part in a film. She wanted to adopt a baby from India because she "admires Angelina Jolie." [ONTD]
• Pete Wentz freaked out when his wife, Ashlee was about to give birth: "Right before she went into labor, I was like, 'Oh, my god, I think I'm having a heart attack,'" he says. "My heart started beating real fast. You see your wife is in all this pain. And I don't know what's happening right now. She took care of me and made sure I was okay and then went into labor. That's why she's a saint." [People]
• For the second day in a row, a story about how Reese Witherspoon totally got along with Vince Vaughn while shooting Four Christmases. "Vince is the funniest person I've ever worked with. It was a challenge for me to stay there and keep up with him." The lady doth protest too much? [Yahoo News]
• Natalie Portman doesn't understand celibacy. [Page Six]
• Roger Friedman on The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: "Innovative, creative, technologically advanced… [Brad Pitt] is Gollum from Lord of the Rings meeting Robert Redford, with a better wardrobe." [Fox 411]
• Rachael Ray's Christmas will be a silent night: "I'm having voice surgery on Dec. 16, so we're going to celebrate very quietly," she says. [People]
• Are Jake and Maggie Gyllenhaal's parents broke? [Page Six]
• Audrina Patridge on Heidi and Spencer's elopement: "I am surprised and not surprised at the same time." Haha, because you know that they're contractually obligated to make headlines for Us magazine? She also says: "I do think it's very romantic that they eloped." [People]
• Uh-oh, director John Waters is being sued for adding "Santa Claus is a Black Man" to his Christmas album without permission. [Daily Express]
• Tragic: You know how Kanye West's mom died after plastic surgery? Her nephew, a registered nurse, was supervising her post-surgery care and may have left her bedside to attend a baby shower — he's being investigated. [People]
• Village Voice reporter Michael Musto hit the Milk premiere party, where Marc Jacobs told him he cried and shook his leg emotionally through the whole movie. "I'm for anything gay," the designer said. "The world would be a better place if everyone was gay." "Look, around," Musto urged. "They are!" Meanwhile, Carson Kressley said: "I'm lactose-intolerant, but I loved Milk." [Village Voice]
• TMZ the TV show: Renewed. [Yahoo News]
• File under news you can't use: Katie "Jordan" Price and Peter Andre sunbathe naked; Peter has a "brown willy." [Perez Hilton]
• Carson Daly has a girlfriend? And she's pregnant? [ONTD]
• U2, Jay-Z, Coldplay and R.E.M. are among the bands contributing music to (RED)WIRE, a new download service aligned with Bono’s (PRODUCT)RED campaign. [Rolling Stone]
• Don't know much about country singer Chuck Wicks, but he is "very much in love" with Dancing With The Stars' Julianne Hough, so that's nice. [People]
• Mel Gibson, what hast thou done? A Superior Court Judge wants you to explain why a screenwriter claims he was screwed out of $10 million from the 2004 megahit The Passion Of The Christ [Yahoo News via E!]
• TV chef Gordon Ramsay has made a "groveling apology" to his wife after admitting to meeting his mistress four times. [Daily Mail]
• "There's always someone telling you not to make a movie. When I did Born on the Fourth of July, they said, 'This is going to ruin your career. What are you doing?' Suicide? I’ve committed it. There were people who didn’t want me to make Top Gun. [My character], Stauffenberg, went from saying, 'Someone should shoot that bastard' to realizing, I’m the only one who can do it. You can’t really know until you're under that kind of pressure. I'm not saying this in some chest-pounding way, but I do feel I'd have that kind of courage." — Tom Cruise, defending his Nazi movie, Valkyrie, in Details. [MSNBC Scoop]
• "We came up with the idea Bronx. We've been throwing [ideas] back and forth a while. It's kind of cool to just leave the narrative what it is. People are stoked or pissed or whatever. And you're like, you know what: I don't think anyone really has the real story." — Pete Wentz on why he named his kid Bronx Mowgli. [People]

• OMG. This may make you hyperventilate: Mad Men's Jon Hamm is in talks to do a multi-episode arc on 30 Rock. The man known as Don Draper could be Liz Lemon's neighbor and a potential love interest for Tina Fey's character. Breathe. Just breathe. [EW]
• Jennifer Lopez sued her first husband, former waiter Ojani Noa, for writing a tell-all book about their relationship; it violated a 2002 confidentiality agreement. Inside: details about her "multiple duplicitous sexual affairs" behind Noa's back (including a tryst with Marc Anthony while he was married to ex-Miss Universe Dayanara Torres). Anywhoozle, an L.A. judge has awarded Ms. Lopez $545,000, because she really needs the money. How Mr. Noa is gonna get it is another question. [E!]
• Today in Madonna/Guy Ritchie news: She "bombards him" with "weird" texts and says "you're going down." Meanie! [Mirror]
• Madonna had a "secret helicopter trip" to visit A-Rod less than a week after her split from Guy Ritchie, and they met at Jerry Seinfeld's mansion in the Hamptons. Yeah, I dunno. [The Sun, TMZ]
• Wait, apparently The Seinfelds have been friends with Madonna for years. [Page Six]

• Jennifer Hudson's family has announced a new organization: The Hudson-King Foundation for Families of Slain Victims is named in honor of the singer-actress's slain mother Darnell Hudson Donerson, brother Jason Hudson and nephew Julian King. "The specific purpose of the Foundation is to care for the needs of families who have lost relatives to a violent crime," the family says in a statement. "This encompasses their basic needs of food, clothing and shelter as well as grief counseling." The foundation is accepting donations, click for the address. [People]
• New details: Police believe Jennifer Hudson's nephew was shot in the SUV in which he was found. William Balfour, who is Julian's stepfather, has refused to take a lie-detector test and has stopped cooperating with detectives. [MSNBC]
• Jennifer Hudson was on vacation with fiancé David Otunga in Florida when her sister Julia called her with the news. Jennifer is on the cover of People this week. [USA Today]
• A source says Jennifer Hudson is "still in shock," "hasn't gone out much at all" and "has lots of security around her." She is holed up in a hotel in Chicago and has not been seen in public since identifying her nephew's body on Monday. [Yahoo News]
• Not only is Joaquin Phoenix retiring from Hollywood, he's moving away: He just put his Hollywood Hills home on the market. So long, burning hot bird. [TMZ]
• Uh-oh: Yesterday Jermaine Jackson said that there would be a Jackson 5 reunion with both Michael and Janet; today Michael says: "My brothers and sisters have my full love and support, and we’ve certainly shared many great experiences, but at this time I have no plans to record or tour with them. I am now in the studio developing new and exciting projects that I look forward to sharing with my fans in concert soon." Hey, Jermaine, before you announce that Michael is touring with you, you probably should check with Michael. [Perez Hilton, Reuters]
• Here's a profile of the two guys who are running the Brooklyn restaurant Heath Ledger had planned to open: "The actor truly lived the New York experience. He taught his daughter how to skateboard. He rode his bike over the Williamsburg Bridge. He visited farmer’s markets. He played chess in Washington Square Park, and he brought coffee for the paparazzi. 'He really just took New York and rolled with it,' Mr. Mongell said. 'He was just one of us, man.'" [NY Times]
• Photographer Timothy White has published a book called Hollywood Pinups, in which stars like Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen, Kate Hudson, Vanessa Williams and Susan Sarandon pose in classic vintage Vargas girl style. [LA Times]
• Brooke Shields is thinking about adopting, but she won't go outside the U.S.: "There are a lot of babies out there in our immediate back yard that need families." [Daily Express]
• Did you know that Wilmer Valderramma had an animated show on the Disney Channel? He speaks to JustJared "exclusively" about the show in a fairly boring interview. [Just Jared]
• Mick Jagger's daughter Elizabeth is being forced to move out of her New York apartment; the owner decided to put it on the market. Elizabeth will find a new place and paint it black. [Daily Express]
• It's the end of the road for Fox show King Of The Hill: It's not being renewed past its current 13th season. [UPI]
• If you want to see John Mayer sing Stevie Wonder's "Love's In Need Of Love Today" and dedicate it to Barack Obama, click here. [E!]
• In this interview, Quantum Of Solace Bond Girl Olga Kurylenko says stuff like: "I’m not a romantic person" and "Most of my life I’ve been alone" and, growing up in poverty in the little Ukrainian town of Berdyansk, "I ate cabbage my whole childhood. My mother said it was good for my breasts, but I think she lied." [Mirror]
• John McCain on Saturday Night Live this weekend? Maybe. [MSNBC]
• Margaret Cho's had to cancel shows because she is "unbelievably sick." Get well! [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which blockbuster director has only himself to blame for his recent burglary? After a hard day of filming, he decided to unwind with a couple of prostitutes who stole his valuables." [Page Six]
• Jennie Garth on the new Melrose Place: "I don't want to do it." Heh. Tell us how you really feel, Jen! [E!]
• Melissa Etheridge's 9-year-old son on California's Proposition 8, which would ban same sex marriage: "Wow, that's lame." From the mouths of babes! [People]
• Punky Brewster Soleil Moon Frye renewed her wedding vows. Damn, her kids are cute. [People]
• Rachael Ray's magazine is totally voting for Obama. [TMZ]
• Ryan Seacrest on Jennifer Hudson: "I always liked her spirit, her strength, her charm, her charisma. She's a strong girl and a special girl." [People]
• Look at this picture of 10-year-old Keira Knightley! She was in a cop show called The Bill. [The Sun]
• Some people are supporting Russell Brand after he was fired for making a nasty joke on his radio show; others are attacking him. [Daily Mail]
• Simon Cowell lost "Most Popular Talent Show Award" at the National Television Awards, so he went out and got drunk. But actually, everyone was drinking, it was an after party. Sheesh. [The Sun]
• Actress Michelle Yeoh and 1,000 Vietnamese children marched in Hanoi yesterday to promote motorcycle helmets. The weird thing is, she's not wearing one in the picture accompanying this story. Maybe so you know she's the star and not a schoolkid? [Yahoo News]
• Sean Connery denies that he's coming out of retirement for one last film. Maybe he could just do some voicemails? Love that Scottish burr! [Daily Express]
• Four ooky, spooky words: Addams Family, The Musical! [NY Mag]
• Financial markets may be down, but the prices of James Bond memorabilia? Up! "License to make a killing." [Reuters]
• "My health is great but there's a wind thing that blows there [in Las Vegas] at different months and I have an allergy to it. If I had cancer everyone would know it. I wouldn't tell them, but somebody would. When you have those kind of things happen if you're famous you can't keep them a secret. [The reports] don't make me angry. People have been saying the weirdest things since I was a teenager." — Cher, on the rumor that she canceled a Caesar's Palace show because she has cancer. [Daily Express]
• "She is very pregnant. I am on call permanently right now. She's at the very end, and it could happen at any point. She (feels) hot all the time. I think she wants to just be not pregnant anymore. It's a struggle to go up and down the stairs. Going out in public is insane." — Pete Wentz, on Ashlee Simpson. [People]
• "It used to be that when you got into the first team then the rewards would come, whereas young kids these days are earning so much money at such a young age. You want that hunger there, you want the hunger to be rewarded. Unfortunately, that's not the case these days. They can all afford to buy their own cars. That's the bad part - to have that at such a young age." — David Beckham, on overpaid young athletes. [Perez Hilton]
• "I'm sure these kids in bands think they're rock stars these days, and I'm sure they are to a certain extent. To me, there's a lot of people making music in bands and there's not so many rock stars around. And I don't know what it is, mate. I think they're trying too fucking hard and it's coming across really fake." — Liam Gallagher. [Rolling Stone]
• "[Marriage licences] should be like dog licences. I think you should have to renew marriage licences, unless you have children. And I think before you have children you should have to go and pass various tests and get a licence to have a child. Because it's the most transformative and difficult thing of your life." — John Cleese. [Telegraph]
• "I think giving birth to a child, as a woman, is what we're born to do. I don't mean that to sound sexist, because many women don't get to do it, and I thought I was one of them. But at the same time, if you are given that gift, it's an extraordinary thing. Bella and Connor are 15 and 13, so we've taken them, Tom and I, almost into their adult life. To then have a birth child that I have to take into adult life, give her her wings, it's a big purpose. I know my place. Put it that way." —Nicole Kidman, talking about Sunday Rose and her other kids, in Parade. [Perez Hilton]
• "I was taken aback when I met her. I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I'd seen. I thought: 'Wow! Whoever goes out with that girl is one lucky guy!' A month into our relationship, she told me she was pregnant, but was no longer with the father. I told her it didn't change the way I felt about her. Apart from being my wife, she's also my best friend." — Seal, on Heidi Klum. [Daily Mail]

McCain took his lumps on the View just like he did from Ellen, and Bill Clinton also faced the female firing squad of Whoopi, Joy, Elisabeth, Sherri and Babs. Though we all love to rag on Elisabeth, I think Sherri, whom Trasiter calls "increasingly radicalized," is perhaps the most interesting part of the View's particular alchemy. A Salon commenter articulates Sherri's growth during this election really well. "Although people over on the Huffington Post frequently deride Sherri Shepherd for some of her naive pronouncements, I find it fascinating to watch someone in the process of trying to work out a political worldview," writes a commenter named Benthead, "In particular, her attempt to negotiate her religious belief with a commitment to civil rights and pluralism."

Obviously, a huge part of the appeal of The View is that the women on the panel are much more accessible to the viewing public than a wonky news anchor on CNN or even the more partisan MSNBC and Fox News. The one danger — and this is a criticism I've heard aimed at satirical shows like The Colbert Report and The Daily Show — is the possibility that a show like The View is a person's only source of political news. However, I'd imagine that anyone who looks to Babs and the team for their sole political fix probably wouldn't be reading anything about the election otherwise, so perhaps it's better that they get information in a less than serious way than not at all.

How The Election Ate Daytime Television [Salon]

John McCain Goes Through A Gauntlet Of Tough Broads On The View
Sherri Shepherd Unleashes Rubber-Necking Rage On Elisabeth Hasselbeck

• So you know how Gerard Butler kicked a paparazzi's ass yesterday? He was definitely provoked. After Gerard allegedly got out of the limo and punched the dude in the face, the photog continued following Butler for more than an hour before going to the hospital. Plus, he called a lawyer before calling the cops. [TMZ]
• Oooh! Anna Wintour has a crush on Gerard Butler! Get in line, lady. Or put him on the cover of Vogue! [Page Six]
• Did you notice how Brad and Angelina stopped in New Orleans before heading back to France? Totally on purpose! An insider says: "Brad wanted to check on the progress of the houses being built in the Ninth Ward." And someone else says: "With just a handful of weeks before the presidential election, they wanted to subtly remind everyone that New Orleans is still in recovery mode." [E!]
• Um, Angelina is in a new glossy version of The Bible. [Drudge Retort]

• Britney's lawyer would not take a plea deal for her driving-without-a-license case. He wants a $10 fine. "We don't want a misdemeanor," he says. "This should be an infraction. No probation." So! There will be a trial on October 15. [E!]
• As for Jamie Lynn, as previously reported, even though the Enquirer says she is knocked up again, other sources say she is not pregnant. Phew. [Perez Hilton, TMZ]
• Oh yeah, and what's up with OK! saying that Jamie Lynn's baby daddy Casey never cheated on JLS, when In Touch had an exclusive interview with the other woman? Both mags stand by their stories. [MSNBC]
• Zac Efron was attacked by a a middle-aged man thought to be a deranged fan in London. The dude ran up to Zac and girlfriend Vanessa Hudgens and tried to grab Zac's hair. Apparently he wouldn't let go of the teen heartthrob and had to be tackled by a bodyguard. [Mirror
• Michael Phelps went to a party where ladies surrounded him and screamed, "Fish man! Fish man!" [Page Six]
• Wait, what's this? Michael Phelps has a girlfriend? Miss California runner-up Nicole Johnson? [Rush & Molloy]
• Nicole Richie and little Harlow are on the cover of People this week! [People]
• Diddy is pissed that John McCain called Barack Obama "that one." [Radar]
• On October 14, there will be a benefit concert thrown by DJ AM's friends — with performances from celebrity DJs, including Mark Ronson, Steve Aoki, Danny Masterson and Mixmaster Mike. Proceeds will go to the memorial funds established for crash victims. [People]
• Former America's Next Top Model competitors will now be on Modelville, a reality show within Tyra's talk show. Very meta. [E!]
• Joe Jonas and Taylor Swift have broken up. You know who they are, right? [Us Magazine]
• Hugh Hefner talks about his split with Holly Madison: "If Holly says it's over, I guess it's over. She's still here in the house. Until a few days ago, we were still sharing the same bed." He also says: "It's now apparent there will be some new faces in my personal life and on the show. There's been moments that I've been down in the dumps about all this… [But] there are girls lined up outside the front gate. At my age, that's hard to believe, but it seems to be true." He added: "It's a big house. And I'm not going to live alone. I'm definitely not going to live alone." [AP]
• Nikki Blonsky says that airport brawl with ANTM's Bianca left her "completely destroyed" and she lives "every day in pain." She and her father face assault charges. [People]
• Audrina was on Ellen's show and talked all about LC and Justin Bobby! Lauren and Justin flirted in the past; Audrina has tried to call LC but LC hangs up on her; and Audrina hasn't spoken to Justin Bobby. So basically nothing was confirmed. [Perez Hilton]
• Courteney Cox looks like a dazed zombie on the cover of the new Marie Claire. [ONTD]
• Michael Jackson took his kids to a comic book store in L.A. and they wore masks, prompting this paper to print the headline: "It's ALWAYS Halloween In Michael Jackson's Family." But the unmasked pix are cute! Blanket is getting so big. Here's a question: Do you really think MJ is the father of those kids? [The Sun]
• Oprah is leading an Obama fund-raising weekend in Chicago. [Chicago Sun-Times]
• Jason Priestley returning to 90210? Ah, to direct. Hmm. [People]
• Ricky Gervais has built a gym at his New York apartment — because he is too embarrassed to work out in public. [The Sun
• Katy Perry's mom dated Jimi Hendrix? And her dad was an LSD dealer, good friends with Timothy Leary? [The Sun]
• Hannah Montana is hazardous to your health: Some jewelry with the Disney star on it was found to have high levels of lead. [Perez Hilton]
• Lil' Kim is being sued for $2.5 million by a recording company, which says the rapper hasn't delivered all the recordings their contract requires. [USA Today]
• Rachael Ray wants to open a burger joint in New York. "I'm going for a '60s back-in-the-day Rat Pack-y kind of hangout, and I want the bar to be really central [and] the burgers to become a very social thing. I want people to come to the bar to see beautiful proper martinis being made and to enjoy some sliders." So. Hungry. [Gothamist]
• TV chef Jamie Oliver didn't want to kiss girls at his book signings for fear of communicable disease: I said, 'Look, you know, I'm very loyal to my wife and if I have to keep kissing these birds, right, it's only a numbers game before I get herpes. And once you've got it ... it never goes. And I'll be growing flapjack on me lip.'" [Daily Star]
• Paul McCartney is calling on his fans to boycott McDonald's after finding out his picture is in a Mickey Ds in Liverpool. He's been a vegetarian for decades. [People]
• American Idolcontestant Kelli Pickler battled a year-long depression and anti-depressants made her "crazy." [People]
• LOL: Boogie Nights, the musical. [The Star]
• Do what you must to prepare yourself: Katie Price, the "glamour model" known as Jordan, and her husband Peter Andre are moving to Hollywood in January. They have three kids: Harvey, 6, who is blind; Junior Savva Andreas Andre, 3, and one year old Princess Tiáamii Crystal Esther Andre. [Perez Hilton]
• Ozzy Osbourne's show on Fox will be "half scripted," so the Writers Guild of America is issuing a warning to writers about that. [NY Times]
• Following Peter Cook's interview with Barbara Walters, Christie Brinkley says: "It is a measure of [his] character that he has breached the confidentiality agreement that is in the divorce settlement and has sought to present this distorted one-side view of his marriage." Word. [ABC News]
• Here's a picture from Howard Stern's wedding, if you care. [People]
• Who shot the sheriff? Eric Clapton is auctioning 13 of his shotguns. [The Sun]
• Anna Deveare Smith will premiere a new solo piece in November, inspired by Arizona State University's law school, named for retired Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor - the first U.S. law school to be named for a woman. [Yahoo News]
• "All men have thought about her at least once in their lives. The great thing about Judi Dench is that she's the matriarch of British film. She has an innate power about her ... Bond needs a woman like M to contain his nonsense and say, 'Look, 007, you've been an idiot!' But they won't sleep together. Not unless the cupboard gets very bare in terms of storylines." — Daniel Craig. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "[The Beatles] were young capitalists who, far from developing a youth culture, were exploiting youth culture by promoting fan worship, mindless screaming and nothing more than a passive teenage consumer." — Historian David Fowler. [Guardian]
• "Last night i went to see Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist and it was so cute! I think the entire cast is so much fun to watch, and the storyline is great. I'm a big fan of Kat Dennings and Michael Cera. It would be nice to give them some support! Seeing movies like this is such a good feeling. It also shows you how important movies are in life – you can be in a horrible mood, and most of the time a movie that makes you laugh and enjoy life can change your mood by the time you walk out of the theatre." — Lindsay Lohan. [People]
• "Most heterosexual men do not find Renée Zellweger attractive. It’s true. Nice girl, and I have met Renée. She is the kind of girl who bakes really good muffins, you go out to dinner with her, but that’s it." — Denis Leary. [Vanity Fair]
• "What Jay and I have is real. It's not about interviews or getting the right photo op. It's real." — Beyoncé, sorta talking about her wedding in Essence. [ People]
• "But if you, out of nowhere, are going to grab a woman out of the woods and make her your vice presidential candidate, what can I do? [Sarah Palin] is like Jodie Foster in the movie Nell. They just found her, and she was speaking her own special language. Have you noticed how [Palin's] rallies have begun to take on the characteristics of the last days of the Weimar Republic? In Florida, she asked 'Who is Barack Obama?' Hey, lady, we just met YOU five fucking weeks ago." — Jon Stewart. [Rush & Molloy]

[New York, August 27. Image via Splash.]

• Paris Hilton, aka the rich man's Heidi Montag, premieres her line for Dollhouse. "Some pieces, like the tees with her face plastered on them, are quintessentially Paris, and others are a bit more rock 'n roll like her sister Nicky." Huh? [FabSugar]
• Meanwhile, in the world of the equally inexplicable, Jessica Simpson announces a dress line. "I'm extremely excited to be expanding into the dress market," Simpson tells WWD. "I plan on creating beautiful dresses in distinctive fabrics and silhouettes that are reflective of my personal style and offer something special to the marketplace." [VogueUK]
• Perennial charmer Naomi Campbell on upstart "supermodels": "Models need to earn their stripes – I just think the term is used a little too loosely. Kate Moss is obviously a supermodel but, after Gisele, I don’t think there’s been one." [The Sun]
• Um, if we're asking the pope to throw off antiquated traditions, I'm not sure his fur cape should be our highest priority. [Times of India]

• Recessionistas get all DIY; add beads to stuff. [Telegraph]
• Tsubi, or Ksubi, jeans founder Gareth Moody is apparently not that interesting. [New York Magazine]
• Paging 1984. "Nantucket preppy style." [Style.com]
• Can a nation with as much grinding poverty as India's justify a couture market? [Hindustan Times]
• Retailers get antsy about holidays; hope to distract customers with elaborate decorations. [WWD]
• Former Etsy Knits CEO changes title to "chief creative officer," "a nice loose moniker that will allow me to focus on what I'm best at: product work and long-term, big-picture thinking." [Alley Insider]
• Thought Crocs were the nadir? Meet FitFlops. [New York Magazine]
• Golfer Ryuji Imada hooks up with Lacoste. [WWD]
• Style.com gets a makeover. [Fashionista]
• Alert your mother at once! Dockers launches women's separates, so she and dad can match. [WWD]
• For some reason, Hermes thriving. [Forbes]
• Menswear shows sound horrifying: "Baggy shirts, wrinkled T-shirts, campus-throwback sweaters and boat shoes ruled at New York's nascent Mens Runway." [Reuters]
• New Diesel swimwear mixes "bikinis with props like baseball helmets, boxing gloves, football pads and other sports gear to tie in with the "collegiate varsity" theme in the brand's sportswear collection." [WWD]
• Unlike some of us who work online, apparently the "ShopBop girls" are really chic. [FabSugar]
• If you wanna see Mischa Barton's photo shoot, you're in luck: Nylon's starting podcasts. [Fashionista]
• Random teens for Bongo jeans? At least Perez is happy. [Perez Hilton]
• More on the Diesel/Viktor and Rolf marriage of convenience. [Sassybella]
• We're guessing the 12-year-old fashion blogger Tavi would have had contempt for us in middle school. [New York Magazine]
• Rachael Ray's non-status bag. [Radar]
• Short hair? All the crack. "But instead of the asymmetric (typically 60s) ‘pob’ made famous by Posh last year, the new bob hair style is more fashion forward thanks to YSL who has made the glossy, pudding bowl cut the look of next season." [ElleUK]

The Good:
Stanley Tucci needn't be so glum, he looks lovely! The pop of color in his shirt stripe is great.

Lorraine Bracco looks sleek and chic. Love her.

Christy Turlington's dress might be better with delicate shoes instead of boots, but she looks beautiful and comfortable.

Helena Christensen's dress is super sweet.

The Bad:
Petra Nemcova: Beautiful woman; ugly, cheap-looking dress.

Susie Essman plays Susie Greene, wife of Larry David's manager on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. She's funny! But this ensemble isn't flattering or vibrant enough for her.

Crossing Jordan star Jill Hennessy's shapeless dress is almost saved by her cool necklace. Almost, but not quite.

Ed Burns seems uncomfortable, perhaps because his suit is ill-fitting?

The Ugly:
Gah, Rachael Ray. The hose! The shiny, absurd, freakin' hideous pantyhose. Terrible.

Mario Batali can rock his signature orange Crocs all he wants, but I don't have to like them.

[Images via Getty.]

• Tyra Banks is taken seriously enough by this country to host Presidential candidates.
  
• But Anna Wintour is not! Also, Tyra would totally win in a cage match.
  
• A photo agency posted pictures of Britney's menses, and we wondered if the paparazzi have gone too far.
  
• They've gone so far that non-celebrities like Heidi Montag grace the covers of multiple magazines, talking about her boob job.
  
• Then we got you to tell us about your implants, which were 10 times more interesting than Heidi's.
  
• But still not as entertaining as Slut Machine's queefs.
  
• Or her long weekend in Vegas!
  
• Or Judy Blume's awesome book containing a ton of embarrassing erections, Then Again, Maybe I Won't.
  
• You know what was also entertaining? When Diane Keaton said the F-word on national television.
  
• So grab some Rachael Ray endorsed Dunkin' Donuts coffee, crack open a bag of dainty 100 calorie snacks, and go watch the darling Katie Heigl in the resoundingly shitty 27 Dresses. You're worth it!

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Rachel Ray Doesn't Like Dunkin Donuts Coffee Any More Than We Do [New York Megazine]

[Torrance, CA; December 12. Image via Splash.]

[New York, December 6. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Martha, meanwhile, is sure to get the last laugh, because while Ray is clearly focused at present on solidfying her standing in print, Martha has moved on to conquering the Internet. Stewart is set to launch a site called Martha's Circle (which so sounds like a gang, right?) [Or a place to go and sew? — Ed], which will be a network of blogs on all things Martha-ish. In other words, many possible topics! The woman is capable of discussing potting soil, Hermes handbags, baby lions at the zoo, and how to create the perfect dry spice rub — all in the course of a single episode on her TV show. And eventually, Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia execs have suggested, Martha's presence on the Internet will evolve into a "MySpace-like social network for women." Just as we suspected, Martha shall soon rule the world! So maybe Rachael Ray stole a staffer. Martha rules the world.

Ray Raids Martha [NYP]
MSLO Draws Martha's Circle Blog, Lifestyle Site Network [MediaWeek]