Jezebel 
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New York, 12:17 AM
Tue Nov 24
65 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/23/09
Just don't do this to the people who love you. They will feel the shame and blame themselves for the rest of their lives.
Reach out to someone.
11/23/09
11/23/09
Coddling doesn't work. And suicide is the ultimate TANTRUM. From which no one recovers.
All bets are off however if said person is terminally ill.
11/23/09
Wow. I worked in mental health for many years and certainly there were some people for whom a suicide attempt was a cry for help or attention (e.g., cutting one's wrists but not nearly deep enough to actually bleed out). I also worked with a young woman who had thrown herself off of a highway overpass. I worked with a young man who took so much medication in an attempt to overdose that his liver was permanently damaged. I worked with a 47 year-old woman who'd been in and out of mental hospitals since she was 16. She was exhausted, hopeless, and in mental agony. These were not people throwing the "ultimate tantrum." These were people carrying an unbearable weight who truly saw death as the only way to find peace. If you had someone in your life who took his/her own life, I'm truly sorry and understand the pain that suicide foists on surviving loved ones. But categorically labeling suicide as the ultimate tantrum does no one any good.
11/23/09
It's infinitely creepy, how the Internet adds an element of voyeurism when there is a death. It was weird to see all the posts with 20 or so comments leading up her to last with 500+. It was heartbreaking to see the "comment removed by author" notes, knowing that someone close to her was likely monitoring her blog so soon after she died, and having to read even a small amount of people saying horrible things.
I ache to think of her loneliness, thinking of the times when I was pushed to the floor by a pressing fog of depression...the inability to connect and understand and find peace.
11/23/09
11/23/09
So sad for everyone involved.
(And I have to add that Le Parisien is not a gossip paper, it's a daily on Paris news. It's not the Washington Post, but still)
11/23/09
So yes, context is key, but using the context to trivialize comments when they do have such pertinent topics to what has just happened won't help the issue.
11/23/09
HOWEVER, anytime someone discusses taking their own life, regardless of whether or not it is in jest, it should be taken seriously. Joking about suicide is one of the first signs that someone is going to try it. Too many people sweep early warning signs under the rug because they are uncomfortable talking about suicide. The best thing you can do if someone you know or love bring it up (even in jest) is to say, "I know you are joking, but when it comes to suicide I don't feel I can ever be too careful. Do you ever really contemplate suicide?" The worst that can happen is that they say no.
11/23/09
11/23/09
11/23/09
The majority of people who complete suicide have said something to somebody at some point, and the response you suggested is elegant and empathic. The only thing I would add is about mobilizing resources - if someone you know or love talks about suicide, tell their doctor, their parents, their residence adviser or anyone else who can be helpful or reduce risk.
Confidentiality and trust is so important, but suicide is a devastating outcome of mental illness or distress and a huge public health issue. Not everyone who talks about suicide is going to attempt, and talking about it with them doesn't raise their risk of doing so.
11/23/09
Daul Kim did write other posts where she hinted at suicidal thoughts in a much more serious, and concerning way; if those were being quoted as evidence of her mental state, I wouldn't object. (For example, in August of this year, she wrote a post that read, in entirety, "dont people understand / last stages / are / more / calm? // do you really think / im happy ?" And in July of 2008, she wrote this, which is frankly alarming.)
If either of those posts were being circulated as possible warnings that were missed, that would be one thing. But they aren't, because those posts are buried deep in her blog, between re-posted Versace campaigns from the 80s and Madonna songs and ruminations on Klaus Kinski. To find them, you'd have to read.
Far easier for a lazy journo to skip back to the first page of her blog, find a post that references suicide notably un-seriously, and quote selectively.
11/23/09
It is only because of my personal experience (and blindness to early warning signs) that I fell it necessary to state that no matter how tongue in cheek, silly, overblown and jokily someone discusses suicide it is important to remember that they are, in fact, discussing suicide. I am sure (because I trust you) that her entire post was obviously a joke but the fact that she put so much time into crafting a post that was about suicide, suggests that she was at least giving it quite a bit of thought, and in this case, it seems as though it was a warning sign (one that perhaps she didn't even recognize.)
11/23/09
11/20/09
Whatever was eating away at her, may she have found peace.
11/19/09
Rest in peace, Daul.
11/19/09
11/19/09
[nymag.com]
11/19/09
You're missed Daul. So very missed.
11/19/09
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