It's funny though, as a product of lifelong Catholic education, I took solace in the abstinence thing during adolescence. Partially because I believed there was some value in that kind of "purity" but also, maybe on a subconscious level, because it meant I didn't have to buy into what seemed like the only other option at that age, the super sexualized existence. At the same time though, it was a source of embarrassment to be someone who hadn't had sex. Those "never have I ever" games would make me sweat profusely at a time that I hadn't done ANYTHING to be spoken of. It's like there was shaming on both ends of the spectrum.

Now, I consider myself a well-adjusted, sexually active, sexually communicative, and sexually satisfied young woman. And I'm totally fornicating outside the structure of marriage. But I think I have to credit the abstinence-only education I received for being like "Don't do this when you are 15."

Funny how that works. But, is there some balance to strike here? I always think about this when I imagine how I'll raise my own children at that age. And I'm torn.

Just curious what people's thoughts are.

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For all those who wonder why there's so much anti-religious and specifically anti-Christian talk on this site: this is why (or at least one reason). The way these girls are treated is despicable. They are their fathers' property. Their virginity equals their value. Boys are not given any responsibility here-- it's all about girls and their daddies (which is disgusting, by the way). How can a girl grow up to be strong and independent if she is married off by 19 because she just can't wait to have sex any longer? And that is exactly the outcome they want. Because we are easier to control if we are undereducated and dependent. This entire movement is inherently anti-feminist, and it grows directly out of faith.

I know this doesn't apply to all Christians. I was raised by some liberal Christians who, I'm sure, are just as disgusted by this as I am. But the virgin/whore complex is built right into the founding myths of that religion. I also know that these same criticisms can be applied to other major religions, but Christianity is the one that comes up around here most often.

If you are one of the liberal-type Christians like many I know and love, I hope I haven't offended you. If you are one of the crazy, anti-feminist, girls are property, female sexuality is inherently evil type, I don't really care if I have.

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I mostly chose not to have random hook-up sex because I wanted it to be special, with someone I was in love with. And I saw too many of my friends enter into sexual relationships at a young age and a.) not enjoy it and be too scared to tell their partner why and b.) friends enjoy it but also be ashamed to enjoy it and their bodies.

I waited till I was engaged to have sex, when I was mature enough to handle any consequences and physically and emotionally prepared to handle the pain of sex. And now I feel really positively about my body and my sex life, so I think it was the right choice for me.

Still, it feels weird that after this long I catch myself and say, "Oh that's right, I'm not a virgin anymore" and feel just a little diminished because it was one of my defining characteristics for so long.

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I got a similar lecture on the putative subject of hip-hop music when I was about 14.

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But at this point (mid-20s) when I'm encountering girls who have fiancees or serious adult relationships that will probably become marriages, and those girls are still a virgin, it seems as if they are literally just wanting to exchange their virginity for a ring and whatever else financial security comes with it.

I can see no other reason for a woman to be a virgin bride. Wouldn't you want to know if you were sexually compatible with the man you're committing to for the rest of your life?

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