Kaz Hosaka spent six hours prepping miniature poodle Champion Surrey Sweet Spice before entering the ring; the New York Times says Hosaka is "an artist who tends his poodles' poufs as if they were bonsai trees from his native Japan." Think about the wacky excess as you check out the latest images from the Westminster Dog Show:

"I can has economic stimulus package?"

"So I says to her, I says, Ethel. If you don't get yourself a box you ain't gonna be able to watch Ellen. Somethin' about digital teevee. She doesn't get it, though, you know?"

"If my lo mein doesn't get here in 30 seconds I am going to have to cut a bitch."

"Cleans up messes quicker than a Swiffer."

"Do I have broccoli in my teeth?"

"Dude, does this thing go any faster? I saw a hot little Yorkie over by the snack bar."

Insert your own "No Woman No Cry" joke here.

Awwwwwwwww, who's a good boy?

"It's not you… It's me. I can't do this anymore."

Message received, loud and clear.

"Is that sirloin? That doesn't smell like sirloin. I'm not even going to bother if that's not sirloin."

El oh el.

The best "Bish, plz," ever.

"I just want to be like, a champagne blonde? Like a honey blonde. Not a frosty blonde. Too trashy. A classy blonde, like one of those Real Housewives."

"Worried about my performance? No… what makes you think so? Do I look worried?"

"We're just sick of spending so much on Pantene Pro-V." "You can't underestimate the importance of a good conditioner."

"Friends, it's a dog eat dog world."

"I know. I'm funny, but looks aren't everything. I've heard 'em all before."

One of the Best of the Dog-Handling Breed [WSJ]
The Poodle Can't Talk Now; She's in With Her Stylist [NY Times]
Earlier: Day 1 Of The Westminster Dog Show

Empasis ours, but still. Brynin continues: "In an ideal world, you would wake up already in your second relationship."

Brynin has edited a book called Changing Relationships, a collection of new research papers by Britain's leading sociologists. As part of his research, Brynin found that intense first loves come with a euphoria that becomes an unrealistic benchmark for all other relationships. "More adult partnerships will seem boring and a disappointment," he explains. In other words: When you first fall in love, restrain yourself and just walk away.

With all due respect, Dr. Brynin, I disagree! I'm no scientist, but: While your first love may haunt you, the things you learn and take with you into your next relationship are valuable. There may be an innocence in first love; a tender, romantic gauze that hangs over the experience, but usually, you've fallen in love before you really know who you are. Before you really know what you want! You change, your desires change, the world changes. And the things you want when you're 15 (or 12, or six!) are not the same things you want — or need — when you are 25 or 30. That said, I would never want to skip "puppy love" — the next-door neighbor I had a crush on when I was five, the kid with freckles from first grade, or my high school boyfriend I made out with by the lockers. Nothing but fond memories! I wouldn't want to skip any of those and "wake up" in an adult relationship. Maybe the doctor didn't find falling in love as much fun as I did?

Why We Can Never Recover From First Love [Guardian]
Why You SHOULD Forget Your First Love: The Memories 'Can Ruin All Your Future Relationships' [Daily Mail]
Puppy Love Should Be Avoided 'To Make Later Relationships Easier', Says Sociologist [Telegraph]

But look! Puppies! Apparently Button hasn't been getting a lot of sleep — you know new moms — and Button's owners, Nicola and Adam Morely, are working around the clock to keep the puppies, who all have Christmas names, happy. Clip above!

Greyhounds have a long and noble history; before greyhound racing became what they were best known for, greyhounds were actually protected by law during the Middle Ages, were the only dogs mentioned in the Bible, and were mentioned by Chaucer and Shakespeare, among others. America's favorite animated family, The Simpsons, adopted their greyhound, Santa's Little Helper, at the very start of the beloved series, and J.K. Rowling adopted a grey last year, which means, of course, that greyhounds are Gryffindor approved.

The Obamas are looking for two things: a rescue dog and a hypoallergenic dog. A greyhound fits both of these criteria. Greyhounds are also notoriously lazy, preferring to spend their days curled up in a ball, fast asleep. They're incredibly gentle, they don't shed, they very rarely bark, and they don't secrete the same oil as other dogs, which means they don't give off that "doggy smell" that other breeds seem to.

Even if the Obamas decide to go with a poodle or a doodle (which they will, most likely), greyhounds have already won one victory this week: voters in the State of Massachusetts voted to ban greyhound racing, a move that will close down the tracks that my retired racer used to run on. Thousands of dogs will now be placed in rescue shelters to await real homes. With 5,000-8,500 greyhounds being killed each year simply because they can't race anymore, the need for good homes and greyhound rescue awareness is higher than ever, and a Presidential adoption would do wonders for greyhound rescue efforts across the country.

When we first got Liffey, he was three years old and had never set foot in a home before. He didn't know how to climb stairs. He didn't understand that the face looking back at him in the mirror was his own, and not another dog's. He walked into the plate glass door twice, not knowing what windows were. He had spent his entire life in a crate, leaving only to pee, eat, or run.

A year and a half later, he's a bit of a rock star in our very small town. Kids will stop us every three feet when we go for walks, and he stands patiently as they pet him and tell him how neat they think he is. Sometimes when I watch him curled up in a ball on the couch, I think about the first three years of his life, when he was just a number on a track, locked in a cage at night, and I can't help but worry about the other greys out there who are still in need. A greyhound in the White House would be the best thing that ever happened to the Greyhound Rescue movement; but even if that doesn't happen, the steps being made in states like Massachusetts are definite signs that the country is beginning to realize that these animals deserve loving families, good homes, and a chance to live a cage-free life.

[Grey2kUsa]
Mass. Voters Approve Dog Racing Ban [Boston Globe]
J.K. Rowling Adopts An Abandoned Greyhound [Daily Record]
Who Should Be The First Dog? Here Are The Candidates [AP]

Earlier: First Things First: What Kind Of Dog Should The First Puppy Be?

Dr. Wensley adds: "Cats and dogs, like young children, are sensitive to adult human emotions, and when these become tense or unpredictable this can cause stress-related health problems in our pets." So, depending on the situation, you should probably heed the doc's advice: "We would urge owners to make arrangements for their pets that minimize disruption to their pets' routines and allow their pets' lives to remain as stable as possible."

Of course, each scenario is different, just like each pet is different. Especially since a new mathematical model shows how and why animal personalities develop. Just like humans, some animals are routine and rigid, while others are curious, flexible and interested in change. For some reason, the idea that an animal has a personality seems new to science, which seems bizarre. But back to custody battles: My ex and I had a cat together, but when we broke up, I knew I was leaving them both. Have you ever had to have a custody agreement for a pet?

Pets Suffer From Stress Of Marriage Break-Ups [Telegraph]
Animals Have Personalities, Too [MSNBC]

(Click on any image to enlarge and begin gallery)

[Images: New York, February 11. Via Getty and AP.]

[Image via AP.]