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more about #theonion more comments → Jack_Burton: This story is like a year old... Probably several. I have a feeling they just update it slightly every so often. more » Dictator for Life: This is like that show TLC aired last night, "The 650 Pound Virgin: The Weight is Over." The cameras followed around a kid who had lost 400 pounds a... more » Aesop's Foibles. YES.: This was awesome. I am still laughing. Also: The ticker at the bottom, detailing plans to include a warning label on the body of Mr. Potato Head after... more » prettycool: On behalf of the Girls with "Great Personality" Committee, I would like to make a hearty thank you to the Alliance of Hot Smart Guys for reaching out ... more » morninggloria: The Union of Average Dudes With Nothing Really Spectacular About Them held a similar press conference hours later where they outlined their response t... more » andBegorrah: The Onion is reporting true stories now? What's next - Jon Stewart being one of our only sources for honest political dialog? more » CherriSpryte: Ahhhhhh that guy looks like my ex. NOT COOL. more » RousseMacabre: Excuse me, if you feel the need to tell woman to lower their standards, only fair you lower yours... Which can be taken in a variety of ways. more » femme-bot: In other news, guys with nothing to offer feel entitled to fuck Harvard educated supermodels who cook/clean and are amazing in bed. more » BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit): A negotiation goes two ways - if Mr. Greenman would consider a razor, things might be different. But seeing that 67% of dudes with goatees have a 87%... more » colormeroutine: Ha! My roommates and I were actually discussing forming some sort of club the other day, with the mission of raising the bar of standard behavior for ... more » suzannelb: I cringed the whole way through that 30 Rock episode wherein Liz finds out that she was the one bullying the "mean girls" the whole time. TOO CLOSE, T... more » Dictator for Life: The mean girls weren't nearly as huge an issue for me in high school as they were in my super-small elementary and middle schools. I'm facebook frien... more » Rare Affinity: I recall in the sixth form taking to task a fellow student who had been particularly mean spirited to me a few years earlier. She laughed it off claim... more » 7states: When I think of high school, I think of the quote from Daria: "Why would I want to return to a place where I was flatteringly referred to as the weird... more » -
#bloominonion
Attractive Girls Ignore Regular Dude
Attractive girls have unionized, The Onion reports. And they are not interested in "nice guys" with goatees. "At this juncture we cannot negotiate with an individual who stares at us for a half an hour," says a rep. [Onion] More » -
#whatever
Mean Girls Make Nation Cry
The Onion has the story of three queen bees who have made construction workers, the entire Midwest, and even Barack Obama feel fat and "bo-ring." Of course, one of them's a Courtney. [Onion] -
#legends
In Our Defense, They're Way Cheaper Online. Okay, A Little.
The Onion takes on the legendary notebook of Hemingway, Matisse and Chatwin. [TheOnion] -
#datingadvice
Online Dating: Tips, Tricks, And Mockery
On Saturday, The Early Show ran a quick segment on online dating, in which they claim to reveal certain "insider secrets" about digital courtships. More » -
#bloominonion
She's Baaaack
"Hundreds of buffalo thundered across the Wyoming plains Thursday after news of actress Jenna Elfman's latest sitcom...The frightened herd had run itself off a nearby cliff, so blind was its desire to escape the hijinks and hilarity airing Mondays." [Onion] -
#boo
Onion Confirms What We Always Suspected About Backyard Camping
In the Onion, "Kathleen Sebelius" explains that 74% of camping kids fall victim to killer ghosts, wolves, or "Old Man Greenly, who lost his hand in a gruesome mill accident and now seeks his bloody revenge." [The Onion] -
#inaneinventions
Idiotic Product "Turns Eating Into Exercise"
This morning a publicist emailed us about this remarkably stupid item: a knife and fork attached to 2-pound dumbbells. More » -
#gallowshumor
Can A Rape Joke Be Funny (Redux)?
The Sexist's Amanda Hess is almost as obsessed with rape joke humor as we are, so she's compiled a strong list of The Onion's hits and misses in the rape joke genre. [Washington City Paper] -
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#onionrings
The Girl Detective
Nancy Drew's squeaky-clean image has finally been tarnished: it appears that Ms. Drew may have planted evidence, the Onion radio news reports. [Onion] -
#allsfair
The Princess Diaries
We may be misreading this - in fact, it's highly probable! - but wouldn't the joke work better if Anne Hathaway actually had a reputation as a boyfriend stealer? [ Onion] -
#tearjerkers
Truths About Cats & Dogs
Reason to love The Onion: The first sentence of this story. No, scratch that. Every sentence of this story. [The Onion] -
#leftovers
White House Gets Puppy-Proofed • Another Boy Commits Suicide After Homophobic Bullying
• The Obamas are facing the tough job of puppy-proofing the White House for new dog Bo. Also in presidential-pet news, artist Bob Staake's book, The First Pup, has yet to find a publisher. • More » -
#onionrings
Porn Misleading Kids About The True Nature Of Sex
Fresh from The Onion news channel: porn is (wrongly) teaching kids that sex can be enjoyable. Also, Grand Theft Auto fails to teach children about "the emotional side of killing whores." [The Onion] More » -
#fearfactor
When You Have A Ridiculous Fear
Once again, The Onion hits a bit too close to home with this hilarious article about a theater audience that completely freaks out when performers leave the stage and take their act into the aisles. More » -
#clips
"At Some Point, You Have To Be OK With Your Little Head"
Could Bratz be promoting unhealthy body image among young women? In this clip, The Onion investigates the possible link between unrealistic head size and low self esteem. [The Onion] More » -
#leftovers
Tattoo Parlors Offering Free Obama Tats • Alaska Teens Are Bearing Bushels Of Babies
• Want to remember this historic day forever? Get an Obama tattoo! They're all the rage in DC, with parlors offering discounts on Obama '08 ink. • More » -
#schoolofrock
Did You Pick Up That "Ogre Smash Death Boom" Album Yet?
The A.V. Club has posted their annual list of terrible (and real) band names. Such gems as "Chicken Noodle Funk," "Your Kisses Cause Crashes" and "Religious Vomit" have all made this year's list. [A.V. Club]
