Says - obviously - the Daily Mail,

My friends sometimes lament the fact that their perfectly lovely, long-term boyfriends won't pop the question. Others are disheartened that they can't find a bloke who will commit to a cinema date next week, never mind a lifetime together. But I find it hard to empathise. As a woman who has been proposed to nine times, my problem is the exact opposite: men always want to settle down with me.These numerous proposals are not a source of pride or excitement. They haven't guaranteed a life full of romance and jewels. Far from it.

Adele Parks, now 40, got her first proposal at 17 and they kept coming from there. "I tried to figure out what on earth was going on. Some of these men didn't even know how many siblings I have, but believed I was their ideal woman. Why? Then, suddenly, it hit me: I was very good at being whoever these men wanted me to be." Lacking in self-assurance, Parks realized she was "happy to pursue their pastimes, agree with their politics, even wear clothes they liked." Now happily married to her second husband, she says she doesn't regret her bizarre man-magnet youth, but doesn't regard it as a badge of honor, either.

The truth is, a lot of men still have a very definite Madonna-whore thing going on, and to the kind of guy who's prone to random proposals, being considered "the girl you marry" can be anything but a compliment - it denotes domesticity, parental approval, security, rather than excitement or sexiness. (If it sounds like I'm speaking from experience, I am.) Anyone who regards marriage as some kind of "should" or "must do by X age" is already practically swathed in red flags anyway. But what's weird about this story is that people don't realize this, that there's a Charlotte York-style assumption that people would regard nine proposals as a feather in the author's cap rather than a bizarre cause for comment. (Although, yes, this is the Daily Mail.) What's wrong with these guys? was my immediate thought, not "let me learn from her!" This isn't a Jane Austen novel: no one should be valued based on the number of arbitrary proposals she receives. Yes, the authors of The Rules would doubtless regard her as a model pupil, but for the rest of us? More of a cautionary tale than not. As one of the tipsters who directed us to this story put it, "This will get made into a Reese Witherspoon movie about 30 seconds from now." Which, really, says it all.

Meet The Marriage Magnet: Author Adele Parks Has Been Proposed To By Nine Men - So What's Her Secret? [Daily Mail]

Take the tale of one poor sap who slipped a ring into a creme brulee:

Smash went the crust. In went the spoon. And before Lopes could say, “Um, I have something to ask you,” his brilliant-cut one-carat surprise went sliding down his intended’s throat. “Our first hug was the Heimlich maneuver,” he recalls. “My advice to a man about to propose is: Use creativity only up to a point. You don’t want your girlfriend to end up in the hospital on her engagement night.”

Beyond the health hazards (and one restaurant has devised "a special plate with a trapdoor and a secret compartment" to avoid these scenarios) there are the less dramatic drawbacks: someone not finishing a dish, so that a ring has to be anticlimactically fished out of the food, or the cases when a woman doesn't feel like ordering her "favorite" dessert, so that an unfortunate waiter is in the position of pressuring her.

Gourmet offers a series of tips to avoid proposal mishaps, several of which are kind of depressing: sit in the center of the room (since presumably anyone making such a public proposal "wants to be seen") and tell your mother-in-law in advance so she'll pick up the tab. Romantic! Oh, and in case you were getting too sentimental, apparently restaurants are just as used to seeing "divorce dinners" as proposals. Fun fact: February 13th is when guys take their mistresses out; they have to save the real thing for their wives. Happy Valentine's Day! Remind me to eat in. [Lovin’ Spoonfuls]

The Sun has a video of "duh" tips on how to ask your man to propose: Be sure he'll say yes by finding out how he feels about marriage; judge his character: "Some men may take proposal as the ultimate assault on their masculinity"; choose somewhere special; instead of a ring, give him a well-thought out gift; "be brave." All well and good in theory. But it's just one of those things! Even the most girl-power girl could find it romantic to see her man on one knee. Still. If we're modern women with partner-in-crime relationships built on equality, why shouldn't a woman do the proposing? Would you do it?

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What Happens When The Woman Proposes [Times]
Wedded To Old Times [Guardian]
Leap Proposal Tips For Girls [The Sun]

They say: Want to really surprise your sweetheart? Cut out the bottom of a big box, wrap it with pretty paper and ribbon, and attach a card that says, "What's inside the box is a gift to last a lifetime." "Deliver" yourself to his or her office or front door.
We say: Didn't Timberlake already do this on SNL?

They say: Freeze the ring in a homemade Popsicle, and give your sweet two treats in one!
We say: Hope you know the Heimlich!

They say: Write your proposal in sunscreen on your tummy, so that your tan will "stencil in" the words. She will be so touched you've taken such an, um, interesting approach, she will accept immediately.
We say: Loser.

They say: Draw a hopscotch board on the sidewalk and invite your honey out for a game. Once he or she has succumbed to a little childhood play, replace the pebble you're using with the real rock!
We say: Don't fucking throw jewelry at us.

They say: Steal from that famous Say Anything scene — park yourself outside her house with a stereo blaring your favorite tune and propose on the front lawn
We say: Restraining order.

They say: Play Hangman and have the phrase be "Marry Me."
We say: Noose... marriage. We get it already.

100 Ways To Pop The Question [TheKnot.com]