I was too young for Hughes' teenage-centric films when they hit theaters; I fell in love with them via syndication, where they endlessly played on Saturday afternoons, the swears beeped out in favor of words like "butthead" and "jackal." My friends and I had "Molly Ringwald Trilogy" nights in high school, watching Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Pretty In Pink until the wee hours of the morning and sighing over the all-too-relatable characters. It didn't matter that the clothing and the music were dated: the stories still rang true, and we saw ourselves sitting in that library, or showing up to the dance in that (hideous) dress, or standing in front of the mirror, wishing for "4 inches of bod and a great birthday." But which Hughes heroine really stands the test of time? Let's find out.

• Samantha Baker: Sixteen Candles
• Pros: Able to stay sane in a relatively insane household, forgives her parents for forgetting her birthday, wins over Jake Ryan by seeming like the type of girl who would be "a serious girlfriend," is the type of girl who would give her underwear away under non-sexual circumstances to help a geek in need; wears a hat, which, as Farmer Ted notes, is just so Vogue, you know?
• Cons: Cries a lot, has a bit of a Jan Brady complex when it comes to her dippy older sister, bases much of her happiness on if Jake Ryan likes her or not, actually thinks carrots will increase the size of her breasts at the age of 16.
• Final Analysis: Samantha embodies much of the hormonal insanity that comes along with being sixteen years old: she's impossibly in love with a boy she barely knows, she feels like her family doesn't understand her at all, and she's willing to unload her "bullshit" on anyone who is "human" enough to listen, like good ol' Farmer Ted. However, we don't see Samantha for much of the film; after she's humiliated at the dance, she takes a backseat to the film's other (and honestly, more interesting) stars. Her role is merely to be crushed by a guy, and then saved by a guy.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: C
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• Allison Reynolds, The Breakfast Club
• Pros: Can make art with her own dandruff, finds interesting ways of amusing herself, keeps plenty of tampons on hand in case she ever has to "jam," clearly an excellent dancer, appreciates the finer things in life, like a Capn' Crunch/Pixy Stix sandwich.
• Cons: Has a tendency to withdraw completely in order to avoid socialization/confrontation, allows herself to be madeover, even though she likes the "black shit" under her eyes.
• Final Analysis The makeover. The makeover! It kills Allison's character completely, transforming her from the weird girl who won the heart of the jock simply by connecting with him emotionally to a Molly Ringwald-clone who is now deemed acceptable to be seen in public with. Allison never seemed to have a problem with her appearance; it was the other students who judged her. Every other member of the Breakfast Club goes through an internal change—why does Allison have to go through a makeover, too?
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: D
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• Andie Walsh, Pretty In Pink
• Pros: Quirky dresser, not afraid to cross class lines to date the boy she likes, works at a pretty rad record store, makes her own clothes, quickly dismisses skeevy lothario Stef whenever he tries to pick her up.
• Cons: Oblivious to her best friend Duckie's romantic attachment, creator of the ugliest dress ever made in the history of fashion, takes Blaine back after he treats her like complete crap, ignoring her calls and dumping her as a prom date.
• Final Analysis: Andie isn't afraid of confrontation, standing up to Stef, her father, and Blaine in order to make her voice heard and let them know exactly how she feels. However, she totally crumbles at the end and makes up with Blaine, even though he's treated her like dirt for much of the last third of the film. The original ending had Andie ending up with super-clingy slightly obsessive bff Duckie; one wonders if she would have been better off alone. And honestly? Ruining two perfectly lovely dresses to make a Pepto-Bismol trapezoid nightmare frock is pretty unforgivable, even for 1986.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: C+
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• Amanda Jones, Some Kind Of Wonderful
• Pros Amanda Jones was one in a line of many Hughesian characters drawn to depict the class divide in the 1980s—she's the Andie Walsh of this film, dealing with the humiliations of being the poor girl dating the rich guy. Only in Amanda's case, she's dating douchebag Harley not for love, like Andie and Blaine, but for status and security, as his money makes her a "richie" by default. Eventually she sees the error of her ways and rejects both Harley and poor suitor Keith, finding that it's "going to feel good to stand on my own."
• Cons: The aforementioned dating a douchebag for status, the way she allows herself to be humiliated by men in order to fit in, the way she uses Keith to hurt her dumbass ex-boyfriend, the way she allows Keith to use her, her general bitchiness throughout the film.
• Final Analysis: In many ways, one feels sorry for Amanda Jones, as she's a product of the times, a material girl living in a material world who is only trying to keep up with her popular friends. She eventually gets her priorities straight and tells her cruel ex-boyfriend where to stick it, but it takes her a while to get there—for most of the film, she's a doormat, a tool through which teenage boys can get what they want.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: D
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• Jeannie Bueller, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• Pros: Not to be messed with, knows how to destroy a high school principal, stands up for her brother when necessary, even though she pretty much hates him.
• Cons: Goes out of her way to destroy her brother until a more suitable enemy captures her wrath, changes her name to Shawna in order to impress a wasted Charlie Sheen at the police department.
• Final Analysis: I love Jeannie Bueller. She is the best and the worst big sister anyone could ask for. Yes, she spends most of her time trying to ruin Ferris' life, but when it comes down to it, she's a loyal family member and her heart is in the right place. Just don't cross her, or you'll be faced with a "scorching case of herpes."
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: B
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• Claire Standish, The Breakfast Club
• Pros: Also an excellent dancer, can put lipstick on without using her hands, shows kindness to geek Brian upon learning he's a virgin, is very proud of her family name.
• Cons:Defends her shallow pursuits as a means to stay popular and respected, admits she won't acknowledge the rest of the Breakfast Club once school resumes, is the direct cause of Allison's dumb makeover, ends up with Bender even though he's spent most of their time together sexually harassing and humiliating her.
• Final Analysis: Claire doesn't seem to grow too much throughout the film. She admits that she's shallow, but doesn't seem to do much about it, other than makeout with the bad boy and give the weird girl a makeover.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: C
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• Sloane Peterson, Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• Pros: You have to be pretty damn awesome to date Ferris Bueller, and Sloane Peterson was. She was effortlessly cool, able to play along with Ferris' insane schemes with ease, staying detached and calm, even in the wackiest of circumstances. She seemed fearless yet romantic, noting at one point that Ferris was "going to marry" her, but still seeming to live in the moment, most of the time anyway.
• Cons: However, it seemed like Sloane was more fascinated by Ferris' future than her own, noting that she wasn't interested in anything, but dreamily asking Cameron what he thought would happen to Ferris as the years went on. She appears to have hitched her wagon to Ferris' star: one wishes she had more of a star of her own, you know?
• Final Analysis: Sloane, like Cameron's house, was very beautiful and very cold, and though her cool factor was off the charts, she often seemed to have little personality outside of being Ferris Bueller's girlfriend.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: C+
  
  
  
• Watts, Some Kind Of Wonderful
• Pros: Watts is tough as nails, but has a soft spot for her best friend Keith, who is completely oblivious, of course, as he's too busy making googly eyes at popularity queen Amanda Jones. The scenes where Watts chauffeurs Keith and Amanda around on their fancy-pants date are heartbreaking, as her pride and her clearly hurt feelings combine to paint a portrait of how many of us felt as teenage girls: a bit lost, a bit sad, and a bit pissed off at the universe in general. The scene where's she's mocked for wearing boys' underpants is painful as well; the way she looks at herself in the mirror with a mix of confusion and disdain pretty much sums up that awkward phase between being a girl and being a woman: you don't know what the hell is going on, and you're not sure if you like it or not. She also has some of the best lines in the Hughes canon, including "Don't go mistaking paradise for a pair of long legs."
• Cons: Watts never has a problem saying what she thinks, until it comes to expressing her feelings towards Keith. She's also quick to cut down Amanda Jones, even though she barely knows her, simply because she's stealing Keith's attention away, calling her shallow and "a skag."
• Final Analysis: Watts embodies the tough girl with a heart of gold; she's the poster girl for unrequited love for most of the film, dropping such lines as "You break his heart, I break your face," about the boy she loves so dearly. One gets the sense that her relationship won't change too much with Keith once they get together; they've always treated each other as equals, something that's often missing from many teen romances.
• John Hughes Heroine Grade: A

Agree? Disagree? Anyone you'd like to add? Feel free to add your suggestions in the comments.

Earlier: The Ups And Downs Of Having A John Hughes Boyfriend
5 Movies John Hughes Will Be Remembered For
John Hughes, 1950-2009

5.) Ferris Bueller's Day Off
Written and directed by Hughes, he said that he based the character of Cameron on himself, and based Ferris on what he always wished he could be. But it was Ferris' jealous, cynical sister Jeanie (Jennifer Grey) that perhaps provided some of the biggest laughs.

4.) The Breakfast Club
Written and directed by Hughes, this is the quintessential Brat Pack film.

Hughes made a cameo, playing Anthony Michael Hall's father.

3.) Pretty in Pink
This movie always confused me as child, because '80s style guides implied that redheads should always avoid wearing pink, and instead, stick to green. But who doesn't love Duckie?

2.) Weird Science
While the whole computer geeks creating their own model magical dream girlfriend plays into male fantasies, there's something about the themes of Weird Science—underdogs coming out on top with the help of supernatural powers—that hold universal appeal.

1.) Sixteen Candles
John Hughes' directorial debut still stands as an absolute classic, and as such, warranted two clips.

I couldn't help but add this one, because while I was only about 5 years old when I first saw it, somehow, a quarter of a century later, the behavior of these two drunk chicks still rings true.

There is, perhaps, no one more important to the teen comedy genre than John Hughes, who, after producing a string of classic films in the 1980s, has now faded into the background, choosing to live a slightly reclusive life away from the film world and the adoration of the fans who grew up with his movies. Hughes' films, while loved by many, are not without their flaws: notably racist stereotypes, which are explored in Gene Luen Yang's brilliant graphic novel American Born Chinese.

And what of the boyfriends of the John Hughes world? For many of us, they were straight up Tiger Beat material. But how do they hold up now? Let's break it down, shall we?

• Jake Ryan: Sixteen Candles
• Pros:Handsome, wants "a serious girlfriend, somebody I can love who's gonna love me back," thinks it's kind of cool, the way you're always looking at him.
• Cons:Wasn't interested in Samantha Baker until he saw a quiz she answered in which she admitted she'd sleep with him, pretty much handed his drunk girlfriend over to Farmer Ted as long as "she gets home. You can't leave her in a parking lot somewhere." Oh, and he handed his drunk girlfriend over for a pair of Samantha's underwear.
• Final Analysis: Jake Ryan is easy on the eyes and seems to really want to be loved. But his interest in Samantha seems to spring from the fact that she's pretty obsessively in love with him already. That being said, I probably wouldn't turn him down if he showed up in his car outside of my sister's wedding to whisk me away. She's getting married in May, 2010, Jake. Just sayin'.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: B-
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• Blaine McDonnagh: Pretty In Pink
• Pros: Sweet, charming, clearly wants to break way from his insulated elitist world, willing to embarrass himself at the record store with a lame purchase just to talk to Andie.
• Cons:Still has trouble breaking free of his class, his privilege is often showing, insults Andie's outfit, easily influenced by rich jackass Steff, "Blaine? That's a major appliance, not a name!", asks Andie to prom and then totally blows her off. What about prom, Blaine?! What about prom?!?
• Final Analysis: Blaine is a bit of a tool. He makes a big dramatic "I always believed in you, you just never believed in me" speech at the end of the movie, which is total bullshit, because Andie wasn't the one to hide the relationship, break off the prom date, or give up due to pressure from her friends. Blaine was the one without the faith. The original ending of the film had Andie ending up with her best friend, Duckie Dale. That would have been better for everyone, as evidenced by Andie and Blaine's makeup kiss at the end of the film, which is probably the most awkward kiss in screen history.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: C-
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• Duckie Dale: Pretty In Pink
• Pros: Excellent dancer, good taste in music, snappy dresser, sweet, quirky, extremely loyal, willing to stand up to anyone on Andie's behalf.
• Cons: Needy, calls about 200 times per day, a bit stalkerish, extremely emo, filthy shoes, can go from sweet to annoying in 2.5 seconds, is already in "The Friend Zone."
• Final Analysis: I actually had a Duckie Dale in high school, and he is still a very dear friend of mine. Duckie could go either way here: he could be a really great boyfriend, or just a really great boy friend. Either way, you'd want him in your corner.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: B+
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• John Bender:The Breakfast Club
• Pros: Rebellious, handsome in a kind of badass way, hard exterior covers emotional interior, could hook you up with illegal substances if that's your kind of thing.
• Cons: Serious temper issues, family problems, can be quite cruel, sexist, and obnoxious, might not actually get out of high school, due to detention issues, until he's about 29 or so.
• Final Analysis: The only reason to date John Bender would be the reason John Bender himself gives: "Remember how you said your parents use you to get back at each other? Wouldn't I be OUTSTANDING in that capacity?"
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade:D
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• Ferris Bueller:Ferris Bueller's Day Off
• Pros: Clearly a genius, could basically get you out of everything, would be a blast to hang out with, loved by nearly everyone, could take you to many fine dining establishments with his friend Cameron, thanks to their Abe Froman scheme.
• Cons: Could get exhausting trying to keep up with Ferris, might not be able to trust such an accomplished pathological liar, you'd have to spend a lot of time with Cameron, who isn't always sunshine and lollipops.
• Final Analysis:: Ferris Bueller is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking him up.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: A
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• Farmer Ted: Sixteen Candles
• Pros: Really likes to dance, will drive you home if you've had too much to drink, respects a girl who will help out a geek, doesn't spill the details of your night together to his nerdy friends, thinks a girl in a hat is "just so Vogue," admits that he's "King of the Dipshits," which at least shows some level of self-awareness.
• Cons:Will ask to borrow your underpants for 10 minutes and then proceed to show them to the entire geek population of the school, the headgear shown above, may pass gas on the dance floor, goes by "Farmer Ted."
• Final Analysis: He's young and he's learning. Once he gets past his awkward headgear-King-of-the-Dipshits phase, he might actually be a decent boyfriend. Just don't take him dancing. It's better for everyone that way.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: B
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• Keith Nelson: Some Kind Of Wonderful
• Pros: Artistic, thoughtful, romantic, wants Amanda Jones not to feel trapped by her economic status, which he shares, liked by a variety of people in his high school, including the toughest bullies and his best friend, a female drummer named Watts.
• Cons: Oblivious that Watts loves him, only seems to "love" Amanda because she's beautiful, spends his entire college education fund on a pair of diamond earrings, feeds into classist pressures by organizing a fancy date (also financed by his college fund) in order to impress a girl.
• Final Analysis: Here's another example of a tacked on Hughes romance: Watts and Keith end up together, as he suddenly realizes he's loved her all along, but for most of the film he's concerned with appearances, notably Amanda's and his own ability to appear upper class and able to impress her.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: C
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• Andrew Clark: The Breakfast Club
• Pros: Athletic, likes to eat, likes dancing while high, will open up to the right girl, even if she makes snow scenes with her own dandruff.
• Cons: Daddy issues, tapes other boys' buns together, falls for the ol' "You got a makeover, now we can date," BS.
• Final Analysis: Andrew Clark is a bit hard to read. It will be interesting to see who he becomes once he's not the high school jock anymore. Could be a great boyfriend, but seems to fall too easily to peer pressure.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: C+
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• Steff: Pretty In Pink
• Pros: Gorgeous, attractive in that asshole Chuck Bass kind of way, can wear a white suit to high school like nobody else.
• Cons:Elitist, classist, doesn't handle rejection well, treats his girlfriend Betty like "trash," clearly hates himself, as pointed out by Blaine, says things like, "I wouldn't be too jazzed if I were you."
• Final Analysis:Steff is the guy you make out with, but don't actually date, which, I'm pretty sure, he's kind of "jazzed" about.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: C-
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• Brian Johnson:The Breakfast Club
• Pros: Smart, excellent writer, very sweet, member of the Math Club and the Physics Club.
• Cons:Filled with anxiety, perfectionist, awkward at times, embarrassed about his lack of sexual experience, likes to stick pens up his nose.
• Final Analysis: This kid was way ahead of his time. Though he played the nerd in this film, this character laid down the template for every character Michael Cera has played since, and Michael Cera happens to be one of the reigning dreamboats of the teen comedy world. Sweet geeks rule the world now; Brian was just 20 years too early.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: A-
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• Beethoven:Beethoven
• Pros:Likes to cuddle, loyal, sleeps a lot, enjoys eating, clearly has a taste for classical music, when he's around, hilarity will ensue.
• Cons:Slobber problem, destructive, sheds a lot, is actually a dog.
• Final Analysis: He's a DOG, you guys.
• John Hughes Boyfriend Grade: F
• John Hughes Hilarious Family Pet With A Destructive Streak But A Heart Of Gold Grade:A++

Pretty In Pink [Radar]

Clip above; the comments are for arguing over your fave John Hughes film (A toss-up between Weird Science and Sixteen Candles, although next week I'll change my mind to The Breakfast Club or European Vacation.)

John Hughes' Imprint Remains [LA Times]
Long Duk Dong: Last of the Hollywood Stereotypes? [NPR]
What's With the John Hughes Nostalgia? [GalleyCat]
Pretty In Pink [YouTube]
Earlier: Sixteen Candles Or Pretty In Pink: Which Is Better?

Hall is flat-out genius in Sixteen Candles playing the self-proclaimed ''King of the Dipshits.'' He's responsible for no less than a hundred classic moments: from charging admission to see Molly Ringwald's underwear, to making a post-party cocktail in Jake's kitchen, to getting his dorky friends to take a picture of him and a passed out hottie in the Rolls Royce. Honestly, it is no contest.

Ross also compares soundtracks and father characters — he feels that SC's Thompson Twins trump PIP's OMD. Harry Dean Stanton as Andie's deadbeat dad in PIP is delightfully pathetic (Hughes should have written a plotline where Andie's dad finally gets a job — as a janitor at her school!); Paul Dooley as Samantha's dad in SC is wildly hilarious.

But what this really comes down to is romance, and a teen movie's depiction of it: Pretty In Pink is basically Cinderella — a lowly, common girl's life is changed by a Prince in pleated pants; Sixteen Candles is slightly more realistic: Sam thinks Jake is hot, period. And he's bored with his girlfriend and looking for something new. That's what high school is all about! SC may have been emotionally flat, but the comedy was first-rate. PIP tried to get emotional (when, exactly did Andie and Blane fall for each other? Do you ever see them truly enjoying each other's company? Except for the making out in the barn?) and never really succeeded. Christina Kelly — and maybe some other women — think Pretty In Pink is romantic. But does the warm feeling it gives you make it a better movie? Or can you accept that, while you may have a soft spot for a yuppie love story, Sixteen Candles is actually better?

Why ''Sixteen Candles'' Rules [EW]