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A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
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emilyanne
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
Mind you in the UK if you are overweight you are told to only gain 20lbs during pregnancy and between 30-40 if you are a healthy size. I know this because I was around 15lbs over my healthy weight when pregnant with my first daughter and the midwife in the UK was pretty firm about how much I should gain. It didn't actually affect my eating habits though as i figured the reason I was overweight in the first place was that I enjoyed food so I just ate what I always had and not more. I did only put on 20 pounds the entire pregnancy but i also think a large part of that was because not drinking alcohol caused me to lose weight first trimester.
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crazy_lady
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
This topic came up on one of the forums I visit.

I said this:

For some reason, I'm finding it hard to be mad at women like these.

Yes, what they did was wrong (not eating enough during pregnancy/losing weight too quickly after pregnancy).

But (especially) in celebrity culture, I can see how the "need" to be thin can override caring about the baby you just had.

And even when it's simply an ED person in a normal world, the calls for being thin unfortunately have a tendency to override logic.

I think instead of being mad at such individuals, we need to make support systems for these kind of vulnerable women stronger.

Especially in a society where we criticize mothers day in and out for their actions.

I don't know...being an eating disordered person myself, I can completely understand acting foolishly and stupidly, even when there are more important things at hand.

It makes me more sad, if anything.
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Beets.Go.On is the Fat Yogini
06/03/09

@crazy_lady: me, too. me, too.
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crazy_lady
06/03/09

@Beets.Go.On: :)

To be honest, I'm a little surprised by the lack of compassion on this board.

Just because you get pregnant doesn't mean you just make peace with your body (or your mind, for that matter), for the baby's sake. Pregnancy is something that ultimately, develops beyond your control. Eating is a surefire way to control it. No, it's not logical to cut calories/over-exercise, but I can understand where these women are coming from. Which feels really odd, seeing as I never want to have children.
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Lymed
06/03/09

@crazy_lady: I think the lack of compassion is coming from people looking at this through their own experience. They are imagining their own view of weight and body image, rather than imagining the view of a person with an eating disorder.
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kbath10100
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
Ugh. I gained about 40 lbs. with my first pregnancy, and still have about 15 of it to lose and now I'm pregnant again!! I'm worried about getting even bigger this time, but I can't control my cravings!! When I'm pregnant, I crave the foods of my childhood. I want Chef Boyardee and Froot Loops - not salad!!! Hoping I can stomach healthier foods once I'm safely in my second trimester...
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emilyanne
06/03/09

@kbath10100: I crave mcdonalds in my first and third trimester. They actually laughed at me in a mcdonalds on astor place yesterday. I know I shouldn't but I just want their fries during these months, it's odd because I never even notice them when not pregnant.
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HuckleberryFriend
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
Yikes, in thinking about potential future pregnancy these sorts of issues never even occurred to me.
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rednrowdy
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
i know of women who were pregnant close to 40 years ago and given diet pills while pregnant (!!!) to keep them from gaining weight, so this whole pregorexia thing/ don't gain too much weight thing is not new at all.
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georgina
06/03/09

@rednrowdy: I just posted above commenting on this. My grandmother was one of them. And I'm pretty sure that diet pills back then were speed.
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la_periodista
06/03/09

@rednrowdy: This blows my mind.

The body is an amazing thing, though. Think about how many mothers smoked before it was deemed a horrible idea, and I feel like it did not turn out to be a disaster for everyone.
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rednrowdy
06/03/09

@georgina: oh, those pills sure were speed. basic, pure speed. and they were given to women to keep them from gaining too much weight while pregnant. this was in the early 60's, so taking everything into account, that's not that long ago.

and here we are again. between this and the leeches, everything old is new again.
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rednrowdy
06/03/09

@la_periodista: smoked, drank, AND took speed! and there are millions of healthy people who were born during that time! so, what gives? yes, we know so much more about prenatal care now, but that's exactly what doctors said back then, too. curious....

i'm not saying that every pregnant woman should smoke, drink, and pop pills now...i mean, follow your doctors orders, but have common sense with regards to what your doctor is ordering for you, y'know?
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
I gained 30 when I was pregnant, nearly all during the second 20 weeks, since during most of the first 20, I was too sick to feel like eating, and I was living in the city without a car, so I walked everywhere. But I lost 20 when I had the baby right away, and the rest has been stubborn. Breastfeeding didn't help a whit, and I blame moving to the suburbs for everything else. Damn suburbs. I couldn't walk anywhere here if I wanted to--no sidewalks, and people drive everywhere like they're headed to a fire with the city's last bucket of water.

I'm glad I had a kinder, gentler OB than a lot of people here are reporting, even if I did hate them generally. They never hassled me about my weight. We're trying again now, and I'm resolved to just eat as well as I can, and not to think too much about it. When I'm through with this all, I'll have more than half my life left for self-loathing.
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BlondeGrlz
06/03/09

@TheFormerJuneBronson: I know this is super weird for an internet-only acquaintance to say but good luck with the baby-making!!
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/03/09

@BlondeGrlz: Thanks! I don't think it's weird at all. I hope it works out easily enough. The prospect of having to try-try takes some of the romance out of it for me.
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BlondeGrlz
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
I've had a few friends who actually lost weight during pregnancy due to a combination of morning sickness, eating healthier and starting off 30-40 lbs overweight. They called it their pregnancy diet and loooooved to tell people their net weight gain was -10 lbs.

All my morning sickness did was make me unable to stomach anything besides saltines and french fries. The crippling sciatic and round ligament pain that prevented me from real exercise were just the icing on the already chubby cake. Lets hope the rumor the breastfeeding burns 500 calories a day really is true.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/03/09

@BlondeGrlz: I'd lost 30 on Atkins before I got pregnant--I'd been off the diet for a year before, in graduate school--and it broke my heart a little when I realized during morning sickness that all I could stomach was exactly what I had avoided for three years before that--saltine crackers, pasta, and mashed potatoes. I've never been able to go back to that restrictive a diet again.

I know it's no real help that I can't tell you I lost weight during breastfeeding. I gained 20 that year. It doesn't work for everyone. But enjoy your baby and eat healthy foods and forget all this shit. It isn't worth it.
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emilyanne
06/03/09

@BlondeGrlz: this happened to me in my first trimester - not boozing every night meant I lost more weight than I gained orginally. But I was overweight when I got pregnant and as described below the UK midwives were very stern about how much I should gain.
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as.you.wish
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
First of all, I was offended for the mother that they implied that her daughter's seizures and ADD were a result of her diet. That's a lot of blame and unless one is certain, I don't think that it belongs on that woman's shoulders.

Second, I wonder if all of this focus on women's weight during pregnancy will only make the problem worse. I think that's it's a sign of our weight/eating obsessed culture that the only time a woman feels free to eat what she wants is when she's pregnant. Women should feel free to eat what they want ALL THE TIME.

Finally, those who are harsh on women who have gained weight or are eating more that an extra 300 - 500 calories while pregnant, as someone who has been pregnant and gained weight, I can say that the pregnant body is a very tricky thing. I have never put weight on that easily. Literally like a pound or two a day. And once it's on, you can't exactly go on a diet. You can't lose weight when you're pregnant - it's so hard. You're body will not let it go.

As others have said, I think that if woman are given proper information about prenatal health and are not shamed every time they go to the doctor - we'll all be healthier and happier.
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BlondeGrlz
06/03/09

@as.you.wish: Ditto to all of this. I'd like to subscribe to your newsletter.
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emilyanne
06/03/09

@as.you.wish: agreed I'd subscribe too.
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Brava97
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
My sister-in-law married a controlling man who told her that if she ever weighed 10 pounds more than she did on their wedding day, the marriage was over. She counted calories during her first pregnancy, followed a high-carb/low-fat/low-protein diet, exercised obsessively even when she experienced spotting, and bragged about gaining only 18 pounds. That child, now 17, is autistic. She'll never know for certain if her behavior caused his disorder.

Thankfully, by the second pregnancy, she knew the marriage was over -- she just wanted a second child before she left him. She ate and exercised sensibly and has a normal, healthy son.
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lalaland13
06/03/09

@Brava97: My god how awful. That marriage should have been over before the wedding day. Did that fucktard mean that about pregnancy, too? It sounds like she thought he did. My God. That's awful.
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saintbernadette
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
Fat-shaming aside, it makes me sick to read stories like this after reading the NYT article about women in Tanzania struggling to receive proper (or any) prenatal care.

I know that all of these issues are relative, and both are the result of the evils of society at large, but really, lady?

I have trouble feeling sorry for you or your two (mostly) healthy kids because you felt bad about gaining too much weight. Especially when there are women on the other side of the world who didn't mean to get pregnant in the first place and don't have enough to eat as it is.
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badmutha
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
It is a royal pain in the ass for everyone and their mother to be discussing your weight when you are preggers. Once I damn near slapped my OB when he made a weight comment, even though I was well within the guidelines. I say eat, drink lots of water, and walk alot to get your heart pumping all that blood through your system and to help keep your muscles strong. You'll be fine, your baby will be fine, and everyone else can suck it.
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hfree
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
My mother weighed less the day after I was born than she did when she first became pregnant. It had nothing to do with a negative body image but with the horrific food allergies that being pregnant triggered. She had to go on elimination diets throughout the pregnancy (the culprit ended up being bread). Being pregnany can do crazy things to your body and sometimes food can be the enemy in more than just psychological ways.
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
I'm really grateful that I told my OB about my fifteen-year struggle with anorexia when I became pregnant, and that my OB kept in contact with my regular doctor and cardiologist. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I had become pregnant a year earlier, when I was in a full-blown starvation episode. I kept myself pretty damn healthy and gained what was deemed to be the "right" amount of weight, but it honestly was torture. And now, almost 4 months postpartum, I am really struggling not to just starve away whatever may be left of the "baby weight". It's such a complicated web.
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nex0s
06/03/09

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): Wow, that must be really hard. I am so sorry :/

Have you seen the SHape of a Mother Blog? I found it's really helped me prep for my post-partum body. A lot of women who post to the site have found it profoundly healing and helpful.

[theshapeofamother.com]
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Majrhoulihan
06/03/09

@nex0s: That website scared the shit out of me. I come from a huge family of women who have showed me all of their post-pregnancy stretchmarks and "imperfections" but most of my family members went back to looking pretty much the way they did before they were pregnant. I had no idea pregnancy could do those things to my body.
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nex0s
06/03/09

@Majrhoulihan: Oh, see, I found that a lot of the women who were harshest on their bodies often had really nice looking bodies - I couldn't understand why they thought they looked bad!
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JerseyGrrrl
06/03/09

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): Have you found any support groups for women who have gone through what you did? I imagine a general postpartum group would be more painful... though obviously nex couldn't know that.
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
06/03/09

@nex0s: My pregnancy ended at 5 1/2 months, so I have bigger hips and some stretchmarks (which I actually love), but I think otherwise at this point I look similar to what I did pre-pregnancy. Then again, I finally junked my scale, so I don't really know!
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Majrhoulihan
06/03/09

@nex0s: Yeah, like every woman in my family. I didn't realize that my mom and her sisters were all CRAZY complaining about a couple of stretch marks or slightly wider hips.
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
06/03/09

@JerseyGrrrl: Yeah, I have a support group, although I stopped going to it last month. I've kind of given up on therapy, to be honest.
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nex0s
06/03/09

@JerseyGrrrl: Actually, I do know what happened (in a general way) to Sarah. :/ I still consider her to be a mother, and to have a post-partum body. There are women on that particular site who have lost children and babies, and talk about their bodies in that light as well. And there are a lot of women on that site who are recovering from EDs and are post-partum. So, whether her baby was still born or not, I think it's applicable. :(

Sarah - if I inadvertantly hurt your feelings, or made you feel uncomfortable - please accept my deepest apologies. That was not my intent.
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
06/03/09

@nex0s: No, you didn't hurt my feelings at all. No worries there, seriously.
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BrutallyHonestBabes (aka Mrs. Sarah.of.a.Lesser.Hobbit)
06/03/09

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit): Nothing insightful to add except ((HUGS))
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Endora
06/03/09

@sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit):

Well done on throwing out the scale.

It's strange how even though we know, logically, that certain things are ok--gaining weight during pregnancy, having wide hips (for whatever reason)--the ED still messes with your head.

I feel like I've got over mine, for the most part, but after a conversation with my mother where she called me "hippy" and indicated I should lose some weight--despite the fact that I am healthy--I am struggling not to slip back into disordered eating. There is a piece of pizza sitting next to the computer, and I honestly don't know if I should eat it to resist the ED voice or if I should leave it so that I can lose a bit of weight. *Sigh*. I can imagine that pregnancy makes all these issues a bit magnified.
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sarah.of.a.lesser.god (aka Mrs. BrutallyHonestHobbit)
06/03/09

@Endora: Ugh, my mother does that too, knowing full well my ED history. Getting rid of the scale was hard and part of me wants it back. The fact that this post is evoking such passionate comments on both sides kind of explains why this disorder is so hard to release.
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lalaland13
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
The abortion guilt makes me realize just how thorough a job the anti-abortion rights side does at making guilt feel like a normal part of a woman's life.

As for the weight gain-I fat-shame myself by saying I need to lose 20 lbs before having any potential babies (I am nowhere near the point of wanting/trying to get pregnant).

My mom says after she had my brother, she basically starved herself to lose the baby weight. When she was pregnant with me, she just wasn't eating and lost 16 pounds and had to go to the hospital, but this was not intentional. She was just sick and didn't' want to eat anything, from what I gather.
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JerseyGrrrl
06/03/09

In reply to A Mom's Struggle With "Pregorexia"
One of the major reasons I'm not interested in having children is the sense I get that no matter what you do as an expectant woman and eventual mother, it's just not good enough. And everything, everything comes down to blaming the mother and holding the child's welfare over the mother's head. Breast feed. Don't breast feed. Gain weight. Don't gain too much. Gain enough. Not that much. Don't work. Work. Preschool. No preschool. Blue. Yellow. Pink. Sports. Ballet.

I tell my husband this all the time. I'm not prepared to handle that kind of scrutiny and shaming.

That said, I think the intent here is clearly about better managing women's health and fetal health. But shaming women who feel the way this woman did does not help.
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TheFormerJuneBronson
06/03/09

@JerseyGrrrl: You have a point, but the truth is, if you can learn to ignore it all, having a kid is fairly awesome. If that doesn't develop your sense of self-confidence, having to mentally tell people to fuck off all the time, nothing will. And for the most part, unless you live in a community with the biggest assholes known to mankind, no one will come right out and bother you about it. I used to feel so conspicuous, certain that any second someone was going to tell me everything I was doing wrong with my kid, but that hardly ever happens, and when it does, it's just all so ridiculous that all you want to do is laugh.

In the end, it doesn't matter what anyone says. It's your kid, and your lifestyle, and there are many, many good ways to raise a child. Almost as many as there are ways to be a total asshole. But you can't live your life trying to appease assholes.
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rednrowdy
06/03/09

@JerseyGrrrl: i think the whole 'good enough' guilt trip is a fairly new phenomenon within our media in that now there are parenting magazines and what not basically help to shame parents into thinking that everything they do for their kids is never enough. every bloody new 'study' done by some medical team paid for by some company owning a product make me question all of it.

once upon a time, kids weren't accessories, y'know? instead, kids were people brought into a family by parents through love. all of the 'not good enough' talk has kind of blinded us to that truth.
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