The President Has Officially Endorsed His Favorite Girl Scout Cookie

Everybody needs to immediately stop everything that they're doing and listen to this important bulletin: the President of North America's Enormous Mosaic Belt Buckle Barack Obama has finally endorsed a Girl Scout cookie as the official cookie of his administration. Okay, maybe it's not the official cookie, but it's…
Student Loan Interest Rates Aren't Going to Double, After All
Congress managed to get its act together enough today to pass a bill that will prevent interest rates on new student loans from doubling on Sunday. The fact that you're happy about this announcement, that Congress managed to successfully do a thing, is a testament to how few things Congress usually does. Hooray! Bare…
What the Hell Does 'The Women's Vote' Even Mean?
It's impossible to open a magazine or turn on the TV to a channel where haircuts with veneers talk about politics without hearing about Obama/Romney horse race for the Woman Vote. Women like Obama! No, they like Romney! Now Republican women like Romney! Now single women like Obama! How about the black women? Latina…
Condi Rice Supports Romney Because Obama Doesn't Think America Is Awesome Enough
Today, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice predictably announced that she'll be supporting Mitt Romney in this fall's Presidential election. Her reasoning? Mitt Romney thinks America is the greatest, bestest, most explodiest star spangliest country ever, and Barack Obama doesn't. Looks like all that time spent…
Republican Women Would Totally Hold Hands With Mitt Romney
Remember all that crappy crap about women that Mitt Romney kept saying during the socially conservative pissing contest that was the 2012 GOP primary season? Well, it looks like that's water under the bridge for women — the GOP Presidential nominee is getting more and more popular with the ladies by the day. He's so…
Obama Campaign Clarifies that Mitt Romney Did Not Rape any Companies
This week, it seems like everyone in a tie or smart business shirt has been jabbering on about how or if Mitt Romney's record as a Professional Millionaire at Bain Capital reflects poorly on his ability to be a job creating President. And while the Obama campaign has been sticking to the line that Romney's record as a…
Jackass Congressman Says Obama Is Not an American 'in His Heart'
Oh, Congress, it's a miracle that you even manage to conduct any business, given that you're filled with so many idiots who seem to spend every waking moment decided who is and is not American enough to meet their high patriotic standards. Case in point: Rep. Mike Coffman of Colorado. During a recent fundraiser he…
GOP Group Calls Obama 'Metrosexual Black Abe Lincoln,' Which Sounds Totally Awesome
A Super PAC hell-bent on unseating President Obama this fall has unveiled their genius plan for convincing America that its current Commander-in-Chief is unfit to lead. Get an "extremely literate" black Republican to appear on a commercial and refer to the President as a "black, metrosexual Abe Lincoln." That would be…
That Poll Saying Romney Leads Obama Among Women? Total Crap
Yesterday, a CBS/New York Times unveiled the results of a new poll. It appeared that even with President Obama's borderline pander-y "Ladies First!" campaign, even with his defense of the Affordable Care Act's provisions that would help women, even with his support of the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act and his Barnard…
Barack Obama Is a Reluctant Fan of the Kardashians
Barack Obama was on The View this morning where Joy Behar engaged the president in a pop culture quiz, you know, because if women should be concerning themselves with anything in the upcoming election it's how much the POTUS knows about 50 Shades of Grey. (Answer: he doesn't know anything, but will ask Michelle once…
President Obama Encourages Female College Grads to be 'Stylish and Powerful'
Your gay BFF President Barack Obama delivered the commencement address at the all-women's Barnard College today. During his speech, he encouraged the Class of 2012 to focus on their own personal improvement rather than the "beauty and fashion" obsessed pop culture that surrounds them, but added an important caveat:…
Barack Obama Really Wishes Hillary Clinton Would Stop Drunk Texting Him
Last night at the White House Correspondent's Dinner, aka Nerd Prom, a lot of jokes got thrown around, many of them from President Obama, who was his usual calm, cool, and collected self. One of his funniest moments came when he was discussing how much has changed in the last four years. Here he is cracking wise about…
Barack Obama Is the President of Friendly Gestures
WASHINGTON, DC - APRIL 28: (AFP OUT) U.S. President Barack Obama gives a high-five to Jimmy Kimmel at the 2012 White House Correspondents' Association Dinner held at the Washington Hilton on April 28, 2012 in Washington, DC. This was the 98th annual dinner and was hosted by Jimmy Kimmel. (Photo by Kristoffer…
Did the White House Correspondents’ Dinner Turn Into a Sloppy Caligula Orgy Last Night?
You bet it did! Figuratively, of course, not, like, literally or whatever, otherwise we'd be looking at pictures of Steven Spielberg polishing Paul Rudd's balls with steel wool. I know, wild, but this is the sort of crazy shit that indulgent empires like Rome and the United States do — they gather up all the notable…
Here Are the 10 Best Photos from the White House Easter Egg Roll
This morning, the annual White House Easter Egg Roll took place in Washington, DC. The sun was shining, the eggs were egg-y and everybody seemed to be having a great time. Just because you couldn't be there (or maybe you were — HEY, MO!) doesn't mean you shouldn't have a chance to experience the fun. Here are the…
Prez Cracks Some Lady Jokes as the Nation Fidgets in Polite Discomfort
It might only be because the GOP vomits uncontrollably all over itself like one of those flu victims in The Stand (I'm reading The Stand as we speak) whenever one of its itinerant preachers tries to talk about women that we haven't noticed Democratic miscues in ladyspeak. Take, for instance, President Obama's painful…
