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Positive Self-Talk Makes People Feel Worse
New York, 3:39 AM
Mon Nov 9
19 posts in the last 24 hours
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Positive Self-Talk Makes People Feel Worse |
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07/08/09
Actually, kind of shockingly effective.
07/08/09
Because let's be honest, we all know we're downright unlovable sometimes. For instance, whenever I have imbibed Jack Daniels.
07/08/09
In addition to what you fabulous ladies have mentioned, I think positive self-talk gets a bad rap because of the way it has been portrayed in the media (as do most things, huh?).
I really think it's less important to do affirmations than it is to learn about and be able to identify the NEGATIVE thought patterns and self-talk you use. Beck has a great list of cognitive distortions that are extremely common; here's a link (can we link?):
[panicdisorder.about.com]
For example, I know that I tend to be a catastrophizer. No matter what the likelihood, my mind tends to jump to the worst case scenario. It's not that my boyfriend forgot to text me back, it's that he must be dead on the street somewhere!
So in that situation, because I have identified my distorted thinking, I don't replace it with a positive BS affirmation that I know isn't true; instead I replace it with a dose of reality.
Positive self-talk alone does zilch for your self-esteem. But hey, no one aspect of therapy or mental health will work for everyone. It's a process.
/end soapboxy moment
07/08/09
07/08/09
I found that a lot of things got easier when I stopped wanting people to like me and instead started wanting them to respect me, particularly if I knew I'd done my best for them and was satisfied with the quality of my work. It enables me to walk away from certain situations if I know I've done my best and the other person refuses to be pleased or communicate better what they want or need. If I needed them to like me, it'd throw me into a funk for sure. I know someone who is constantly on the verge of suicide because of how much people around her do or don't love her. She seems to have no mechanism for loving herself based on what she does and how she feels about it. It is a terribly difficult and volatile way to live.
07/08/09
I feel for you, and hope you don't get entangled into enabling someone who has no core. They are "black holes" of need, and whatever yo give or provide for them will never be enough, because no human can exist functionally without be self-sustaining. I hope you referred your friend to a mental health care professional immediately, if they are not currently under a doctors' care.
07/08/09
Associating suicidality with dangerousness to others and psychotic symptoms is not only wrong, it's reinforcing of the stigma around mental health.
I get what you were getting at, but that's quite the strong wording.
07/08/09
I could give a hoot about being seen as politically correct. "Reinforcing a stigma" is code for "I don't agree so I will hurl an accusation at you to shut you down". It's up there with "You're judgemental!" It's ineffective and only serves to stop a dialogue or conversation.
Doesn't work on this old bird ;)
07/08/09
I'm glad you don't want me to get entangled, but bristle a little that you assume I'm that naive. Not everyone who knows someone unstable is either naive or an enabler. She just has not been sufficiently toxic to me to cut her off. I'm okay with her existing in my life. When I'm not, she'll go. I've done it before, with people who were closer to me. Don't fret; I'm fine.
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07/08/09
Yes, suicidality is extremely selfish. But for many people, it's the only option because of the extreme depression they experience on a daily basis. It's not something they can "snap out of", and they often feel intense guilt based on the pain they know they are causing their loved ones. You and I agree that it is a dangerous situation that should be acted upon immediately.
I wasn't calling you out for being politically incorrect in the slightest, nor would I want to shut you down, as I think it's a completely valid response to TheFormerJuneBronson. I just think it's worthwhile to also point out that, as someone working constantly to reduce the idea that mentally ill = crazy, psychotic, easily curable, intentionally selfish, etc., that it's a multifaceted issue and not every suicidal person will share the experience of every other.
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Count me in the manipulative bitch group.
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/Debbie Downer
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+ Watch video
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It's why I'm such a sympathetic person.
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07/08/09
Or at least that's what I tell my horrible-at-gym former self. I knew I wasn't the fastest runner, but sometimes it was nice to have someone notice that I was still doing my best. Yeah, it's supposed to be fun in and of itself, and it was--but sometimes getting that trophy was nice, and I always felt like I earned it.
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Netflix streaming through the Xbox is a beautiful, beautiful thing!