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Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
The Hand-On-Hip Pose: An Anthropological Study
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littlebunnyfoofoo
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
Ladies! You place your hand on your hip so that your arm doesn't squash up against your side and look twice its size! Come on! And don't stand with your feet together evenly or your thighs and hips will look *gasp* curved. Also, remember: Overhead lighting is not your friend!

I could do this all day...
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Stabby McStabberson
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers

amateurs.
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Plum-Pie
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
Yesterday I remembered an article from a few years ago, about the Half-Karen, a moddle pose in which your arms are folded across yourself for protection.

[www.hermenaut.com]
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Remedios Varo can't see no huevos.
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
It's okay, I have a default pose, too: Sitting down, leaning on the edge of my seat, big thumbs up and goofy grin. People make fun of me for it.
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♥AntiSocialSocialite♥
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
am I the only one who loved Miley's fractal dress???
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Sputnik_Sweetheart
02/23/09

@BeccaSaurus Rex: No, if loving Miley's dress is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.
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dianersb was bit by a zombie
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
In the picture on the right, some guy floofed out her dress and held her stuff. I would look like that too, if some guy followed me around floofing out my dress and holding my stuff. As it is, I looked like a slightly deflated bag lady.
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badmutha
02/23/09

@dianersb was bit by a zombie: Heh, heh, she got floofed. It sounds dirty.
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dirtybee
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
My personal favorite is where you have your back to the cameras, and then BAM! You turn your head a la Blue Steel.
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Lyesmith (Good joke. Everybody laugh. )
02/23/09

@dirtybee needs hugs.: Heehee, that reminds me of

Oh Dean.
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dirtybee
02/23/09

@Lyesmith: NO. NO. That is AWESOME!
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Fridge Hussy : Is finally heading back to uni!
02/23/09

@Lyesmith: Thank you!
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badmutha
02/23/09

@Lyesmith: I do love me some Winchester boys.
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funnyface
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
I always hated the "coy glance over my shoulder" pose, personally.
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Mmmmkay (gellin' and Jezebelin)
02/23/09

@funnyface: Ughh, me too! Its like "oh hi there, you surprised me, I just happened to be standing here all done up in a pretty dress making bedroom eyes, and you caught me in a private moment of sexiness with myself, prrrrr." LOATHE.
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Lyesmith (Good joke. Everybody laugh. )
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
"Those pictures will live forever." ... Come on. No one really gives a shit about those pictures. Or about the Academy Awards. Not really, at least. What real significance do they offer to the world, or, as it is implied, to the historians of the future?

Who cares?
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marshmallory
02/23/09

@Lyesmith: Now now, "forever" in Hollywood-speak clearly means "until next year when we have a new batch of photos to pick apart like vultures on a carcass".
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
Meanwhile all the menfolk just stand there in various degrees of tuxiness. The biggest variation I saw last night was between toes-out and toes-straight-ahead
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morninggloria
02/23/09

@Mkp-braaaains-NYC: I was hoping for the super-gay one leg kicked back pose.
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BeckySharper
02/23/09

@Mkp-braaaains-NYC: Except for Mickey Rourke in his white suit and unwashed hair and little picture of his dead chihuahua around his neck. Frankly, it was a refreshing change from the tuxiness.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@morninggloria: So few of today's gay actors really have the commitment to have their limbs deboned to achieve just that effect.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@BeckySharper: And the crazy wire-walker guy who had...the scarf that goes with a tux...but was wearing a leather jacket.
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livefreeordorota
02/23/09

@BeckySharper: Except I can't look at Mickey Rourke for any extended period of time without wanting to dump him in a tub of lysol. Sadly, this is the only reason why I still haven't seen the Wrestler.
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badmutha
02/23/09

@livefreeordorota: I will co-sign on the Rourke lysol dumping need. And I don't want to see Marisa Tomei topless, and I really detest wrestling, so I am not going to see the Wrestler.
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morninggloria
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
Why don't more of them do the "broken down doll"?
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tscheese
02/23/09

@morninggloria: They're not broken enough.

...Yet.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@morninggloria: Menstrual cramps! The Hunchback! Now give me Lemmings!
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BeckySharper
02/23/09

@morninggloria: Or the "No Neck Monster!"
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boxspelunker
02/23/09

@BeckySharper: This one is my favorite. I also do "Tyrannosaurus Arms" and "LOOK AT MY CHIN."
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marshmallory
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
Hey, the hands on hips pose is flattering. I started doing it when I saw a photo of myself in which my upper arm looked like an eight-pound kielbasa.
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badmutha
02/23/09

@marshmallory: I am often afflicted with kielbasa-ism myself, especially in sleeveless pictures. I have to say I prefer to raise both arms up in the air, doing more of a strong man pose, to make my arms look their best.
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marshmallory
02/23/09

@badmutha: I shall incorporate this into my pose repertoire. It shall be called "the badmutha".
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badmutha
02/23/09

@marshmallory: Why dear, I am flattered.
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tscheese
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
I actually learned that I have no idea how to walk "like a woman". For some reason, on a number of separate occasions, people who do not know each other, I am repeatedly told that I "walk like a guy."

How in fuck am I supposed to be walking, now? What exactly is gendered about my boorish swagger?
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@tscheese: You're supposed to sway your hips a la Jessica Rabbit, duh, instead of stomping around like a hobbit or something.
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tscheese
02/23/09

@Mkp-braaaains-NYC: I have hips out to HERE. I'm so hippy you can almost smell the patchouli. But I can't seem to make those suckers sway. I'd probably lose my center of balance if I were to throw this pelvis around.
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musicpup
02/23/09

@tscheese: Swaying can be induced by walking in a straight line, like one foot in front of the other at a rapid pace. Or wearing high heels. Or throwing your hips out. But, you know. I don't do it normally.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@musicpup rodstaff: @tscheese: But you only need to do it when you're trying to lure someone around a corner or through some long swaying curtains or something. The rest of the time, that's like walking around with a pistol without the safety on.
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pandorasmittens
02/23/09

@tscheese: Do you make eye contact with people as you pass, as if you possess some form of self-confidence? Do you walk comfortably, in shoes you enjoy, instead of teetering on 5 inch heels? Do you walk as if you have somewhere to go, as if the action of placing one foot in front of the other will somehow near you to your destination, instead of slowly and seductively, to impress the menfolk and make the ladies jealous?

If you do this, you walk like a guy, and it is clearly your fault.
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Rare Affinity
02/23/09

@tscheesetscheese: It means you have a natural unaffected gait, that has not been compromised by listening to some patronising gay guy on a catwalk reality show, who seems to think he knows how women should walk. Keep on walking tall, lady!

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boxspelunker
02/23/09

@tscheese: OMG ME TOO. My friend ran up behind me on campus a few years ago and was like, "boxspelunker!! I knew it was you!" I asked her how and she's like, "You have this weird, swaying walk that kinda looks like a drunk hobo. I mean... in like... a cute way." She later explained I do not really move my hips and instead I wobble back and forth at the shoulders. GO GO WOBBLEBODY.
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
i feel as though myspace has eliminated the need for any type of training in this regard...

because really, what have social networking sites taught us if not how to take ridiculously flattering self-portraits of our less than perfect selves?

or am i the only vain, hyper-feminine geek here? hmmm. i might be.
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tscheese
02/23/09

@argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?: Oh man, I have MASTERED the "hold the iSight way above my head! Stretch out my neck JUUUUST so while no wait hang on other side that side has a zit, okay, now, nose down, eyes toward the camera but SUBTLY LOOKING AWAY OMG, omg interesting fringe of emo hair DON'T MY EYES LOOK ENORMOUS AND TORMENTED! man I better take like 48 more of these" shot.
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saintbernadette
02/23/09

@argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?: I think digital cameras are to blame, too. I was looking back at some college pics (about 10 years old) the other day, and I looked at SO many and thought, "We would totally have deleted these if we could have seen them right away."
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
02/23/09

@tscheese: ha! you could give internet profile pic lessons...
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argle-bargle? or fou-ferraw?
02/23/09

@saintbernadette: couldn't agree more.

while i'm guilty of this too(i'm a serial de-tagger), i wonder what wonderfully embarrassing little moments we're denying future generations.
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Mkp-hearts-NYC
02/23/09

@tscheese: YES! slightly to the left, tilt down, peek to the side to highlight cheekbones and eye shape...BAM. This should last me until my next computer lab job lands me in front of an iMac.
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keep it under cover
02/23/09

@tscheese: Hahaha!!! Brilliant tutorial.

Btw, has anyone seen pics of the Korean ulzzang fad? Youtube has the most incredible tutorials to teach girls how to transform themselves into anime characters using makeup and contact lenses, and then how to pose for webcam pics to maximize cuteness. The emo kids have NOTHING on these ulzzang girls. It's sheer crazy.

If I knew how to post pictures, I would... *hint hint someone please tell me how*
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Cafezinha
02/23/09

@keep it under cover: Here's a link about it:

[members.asianbeautyblog.com]
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badmutha
02/23/09

In reply to Hollywood Actresses Are A Bunch Of Posers
I am tired of the teapot pose, but a few years ago there was the "ridiculously thrown back shoulders look while not breathing" thing done to perfection by Rene Zelwegger and Nicole Kidman. They all look crazy in real life.
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