The evening seemed to focus on how we talk about feminism, perhaps because it's what all three panelists (that's not them in the pic) do in their jobs, but also because issues of language and rhetoric are a really important part of being a feminist in the larger world. The conversation touched on blog comments — which all three agreed were like a more public version of 1970s consciousness-raising groups — before zeroing in on the word "feminist" itself. Valenti said she embraced the word, and that there was no point in picking another, less loaded term because "I think any word you use to talk about women's rights is going to become a dirty word." Feldt concurred: "the first thing people do to you when they want to diminish you is they diminish you with language."

Unfortunately, the panelists seemed to feel that a successful diminution had occurred in the linguistic fight between words "pro-choice" and "pro-life." Harris said she had stopped using the term "pro-choice" in writing because "we lost that rhetorical war" — because anti-abortion advocates had successfully cast "life" as representing the moral high ground, and "choice" as somehow frivolous. I get what she was saying — I, in fact, stopped using "pro-life" in writing a while ago, in response to a consciousness-raising comment on this blog, no less. But I still use "pro-choice," because even though the opposition tries to frame the term as superficial — like choosing between different flavors of gum — I think it still stands powerfully for a woman's right to self-determination and autonomy. And I think that any substitute term — Harris mentioned "pro-abortion rights" and "pro-reproductive rights" — will be demonized just as "pro-choice" has been. To paraphrase Valenti, any word you use to talk about a woman's control over her own body is going to become, for some people, a dirty word.

In some ways, the highlight of the evening for me was when a college student asked how she could explain her views to her non-feminist friends without "coming off as a caricature of myself." I'm a lot older than her, and this is something I still struggle with. It's also something I feel a little bit guilty about — now that I'm a professional feminist, maybe I shouldn't be worrying about how I come off. But Valenti took her question seriously, saying it was actually one she was asked all the time. She told the young woman that "pop culture is a great entry point for these conversations," and she's right — as a shared language, movies and TV and even gossip can be a way not only for feminists to start a conversation with not-yet-feminists, but for young people still experimenting with feminism to hone their views. When I first started blogging, I wrote a lot about Kate Moss and the Olsen twins, and although most of what I wrote looks sophomoric now (and sometimes, unfortunately, mean), it was a way for me to get comfortable having opinions and making them public. I still don't like making a harsh distinction between "fluffy" and "serious" subjects, and I think Valenti's right that an ostensibly superficial conversation about some celebrity or movie can actually lead into a real discussion of values.

Harris, too, had a suggestion for the student — "be yourself." She apologized for the cheesiness of her tip, but she had a good point — teaching your friends about feminism can be as much about modeling behavior as it is about explicitly explaining your political views. Just by admitting that you're mad when you're mad, and not saying you agree when you don't, and refusing to body-snark on yourself and other women, and generally standing up for what you know is right, whether it involves women or not, you can show everyone you know that (to quote a T-shirt Valenti name-checks in Full Frontal Feminism) "this is what a feminist looks like" — and you'll make feminism look pretty good. In fact, even though I still have it from time to time, I do think the worry about looking like "a caricature" comes from feminism's enemies, from people who think a woman criticizing anything is cartoonish and shrill. For these people, just as "feminism" and "pro-choice" are dirty words, speaking up may be a dirty act, no matter how you do it. But for, I hope, a larger number of people, women and men, speaking up is just something they aren't familiar with yet, something they haven't quite learned to do. I hope the college student who so handily voiced my worries last night keeps on showing them how.

Planned Parenthood NYC Action Fund [Official Site]

The Daily Mail seems to think that the Wackibun, which is what I'm deeming this particular 'do, is the next big thing in hairstyles, as Posh Spice does tend to set off tress crazes every time she switches up her style. But is the Wackibun a do or a don't? Let's ask a few style mavens what they think.

Cathy: "I have to start wearing my hair in a bun!? Like I need another bun to worry about! I have two that are driving me crazy already, if you know what I mean!!! That was a joke about my insecurities!!!! Did my mother put you up to this? ACK! ACK! ACK!" [Ed. note- Cathy then left the room, came back with a cinnamon bun, and deadpanned: "Call me when we get back to the cinnamon bun fad." Oh, Cathy!]


Stacey McGill:"Her problem is that she's not New York Cool. She wants to be, but she's just not, I'm afraid. My friend Laine, well, my ex-friend Laine, she was wearing that bun years ago. Maybe if she accessorized with a hot pink headband and a pair of flamingo earrings, she'd be in better shape. Otherwise, this isn't a do. It's more like "doo-doo." Oh my gosh! Sorry! That was mean. I'll try to be kinder to the fashionably challenged in the future. Has she ever considered a perm? That would be great!"


Marge Simpson: "She never smiles, does she? Maybe she needs a little pizazz in her life! A blue perm has always done the trick for me. Well, that, and feeding my gambling and road rage addictions. Do you think she wants to borrow the Canyonero for a spin? I mean, come on! Live a little, lady!"


Minerva McGonagall: "Do I honestly look as if I have time to talk about such trivial things? A woman's hair should be the least of her concerns. I wear a bun for practical, not fashionable reasons. Perhaps you should read Hairus WhoCarus: A Comprehensive History Of Inane Questions before returning to my classroom."


Regina George: "That is the ugliest effing hairstyle I have ever seen."


Peggy Hill: "Well, as a fashionista—do you know that word, 'fashionista?' I believe it is Espanol. I'm a substitute Spanish teacher, you know. So I know these things. Anyway, as a fashionable modern woman, I've been wearing a bun for many years. As we say in Texas, "The higher the hair, the better a person you are overall." I call it the "Pegabun," though. You should update your definition accordingly. Hoo yeah!"


Maxine, Famous Greeting Card Curmudgeon: "You want to talk about buns? You can kiss my bun, lady!"


Little Red Riding Hood:"Oh, dude, don't ask me. I had a terrible haircut last week. Why do you think I wear this hood everywhere? It's not for fun!"


Princess Leia: "Needs more braids, I think. She should probably also move her buns to the side of her face, as that's the royal thing to do. It helps if they look like cinnamon buns. Cathy was right after all."


Cathy: "I'm right? I'm right!!! ACK ATTACK comin' atcha, Beckham!"


Victoria Beckham Unveils Posh New Hairstyle [DailyMail]

Broadsheet's Judy Berman calls Crosbie's column "a head-scratcher," and we have to agree. After quoting a bunch of song lyrics and an unfunny line from Two-and-a-Half Men, Crosbie says it's "the plumbing, not the chromosomes, that define and estrange us from the brothers." Ok, but what about women with androgen insensitivity syndrome? Or transgender women? Or women who have had hysterectomies? We get that it's hard to define womanhood, but surely Crosbie can do better than "plumbing."

She goes on to hail the 1990s as a time when "autobiographical sex and erotic writing were popular and manifest, as were women with electric guitars, as was the very image of a woman so fluid in her possibilities, she could never be captured, let alone compared to anyone but herself." At least one woman with an electric guitar was publicly pilloried in the 90s for supposedly derailing her husband's career, but according to Crosbie, these were the glory days of women in the media. Now it's all gone to shit. Her evidence: The Reader ("Kate Winslet plays a haggard pedophile and a bored Hollywood throws statuettes") and The Manny.

Of the latter, she writes, "I bought Holly Peterson's The Manny recently, highly recommended by two of the women who have worked very hard to degrade us all with their insipid, vulgar world views, Sophie Kinsella and Candace Bushnell." Apparently Crosbie purchased a book blurbed by two people she considers awful and anti-feminist, and was surprised to find it awful and anti-feminist. Maybe, just maybe, she's looking for feminism in the wrong places. Broadsheet suggests Tina Fey and Amy Sedaris, Pedro Almodovar, and (thanks!) us. We'd like to emphatically add Battlestar Galactica to that list.

Crosbie's analysis of contemporary pop culture is hampered not only by a weirdly blinkered view of that culture's offerings, but also by an overly generalized idea of what women want. She winds up with a mention of the upcoming film Obsessed. The film, she writes, "promises itchy, illicit sex and lots of it. Ladies, what would you rather do: Consider seducing your hot boss in a bathroom stall or watch Queen Latifah being chased by bees and talking about friendship?" Itchy sex sounds like a yeast infection, not a good time, and since when was sex with the boss in a bathroom stall the ultimate in feminist portrayals of women? Crosbie's piece reads like a plea for more movies and books that interest her, which is fine — but we degrade the word feminist if we only apply it to things we like, and withhold it from things we find boring.

In Pop Culture, Feminism Is Dead [Globe and Mail]
Is Feminism Dead In Pop Culture? [Broadsheet]

Because America is both a melting pot and a fairly young country, our shared culture is pop culture; we are influenced, informed, and ultimately reflected by television, movies, music, books, etc. And Bea Arthur's work on both stage and screen was defined by much more than her deep voice and deadpan delivery. It played an important part in our social change.

1.) Maude
The Tony and Emmy-winning actress worked in show business for most of her adult life, but it wasn't until she was 50 that she really made it big — in what she refers to as her "middle-aged Cinderella story" — starring in Maude (a spin-off of All in the Family) that ran from 1972 - 1978. In the title role of Maude Findlay, Arthur played an outspoken liberal feminist and civil rights activist, and the show was far ahead of its time, addressing topics of menopause, alcoholism, plastic surgery, and most notably, abortion.

During the first season, in a two-part episode titled "Maude's Dilemma," 47-year-old Maude discovers that she's pregnant. She and her husband and her adult daughter (Adrienne Barbeau) weigh her options, and ultimately, Maude terminates the pregnancy — a first for network TV. Although abortion was legalized in New York, where Maude was set, the episodes were broadcast in November 1972, two months before Roe v. Wade was decided. Two CBS affiliates refused to broadcast the program. Here's a clip:

Although Arthur enjoyed the role she played, she didn't enjoy another—that of a champion of the women's movement—thrust upon her, saying in a 2001 interview, "They just assumed I was the Joan of Arc of the women's movement. And I wasn't at all. It put a lot of unnecessary pressure on me."

Later in life, however, Arthur adopted some of the language of feminism when discussing the breakup of her second marriage, which she blamed on her dedication to her career. "I don't think I ever truly believed in marriage anyway. I guess marriage means that you're a woman and not a . . . person."

She elaborates on that — and the social importance of Maude — here, in this interview for The Archive of American Television.

2.) Sex and the Single Senior
Playing Dorothy Zbornak in the hit sitcom Golden Girls (which ran from 1985 - 1992), Arthur, and her costars Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty, and Betty White, achieved on prime time TV what seemed to be the impossible: Showcasing post-menopausal women as trendy, funny, and sexual. Way before Sex and the City was lauded for its portrayal of strong female friendships and the discussion of shopping-bag swinger lifestyles over brunch in NYC, Dorothy, Sophia, Blanche, and Rose talked about their very active sex lives over plates of cheesecake in Miami. In this clip, the girls go out to buy condoms to prepare for a romantic cruise they're about to embark on with their boyfriends:

All four actresses on the show won Emmys for their roles, making it the first time since All in the Family that a sitcom had an entirely award-winning cast. (You can read an oral history of Golden Girls here.)

Of her role on the show, Arthur said, "It's very nice to have women realize that women our age can be attractive and well groomed and wear fabulous clothes and earrings, and have a sex life." Interestingly, when GG first premiered, Dorothy was about the age of Kim Cattrall in the SATC movie.

3.) Breaking the Mold
Having reached the crest of her career in middle age, and being 5'9, with a baritone voice, Arthur was not exactly the ingenue. With her trademark, cutting one-liners, Arthur was way too salty for the sugar-and-spice female stereotype. Instead of fighting the aging process cosmetically, she used it to get a laugh and earn a buck, as seen in this Golden Girls clip.

She carried the same attitude later on in her career, as well, as seen in the TV Land show Back to the Grind in 2007. (Clip below.)

4.) Gay Icon
In addition to her work as an animal rights activist, Arthur involved herself in AIDS awareness, speaking at many events. (She once said, "Of course I have gay friends — doesn't everybody?" and when lesbian rumors surfaced, she responded, "I think it is because of the voice, but who cares?") Episodes of Golden Girls and Maude both addressed the subject of homosexuality, but this '70s performance, featuring Arthur singing about drugs with her friend Rock Hudson, stands out the most.

5.) Ribald and Refined
While a lot of the humor on Golden Girls was assuredly bawdy, Arthur pushed the envelope for a joke in real life, too. We leave you with her dramatic reading from Pamela Anderson's novel Star Struck, regarding anal sex.

Cheers To 'Maude' Bea Arthur [NPR]
Here's Looking At You, Bea Arthur [USA Today]
Beatrice Arthur: A Towering Comedic Talent From Another Era [LA Times]
'Golden Girls': A 20th Anniversary Oral History [EW]

Earlier: Bea Arthur: Golden Bitch
Bea Arthur Does Carrie Bradshaw In Old Lady Version Of Sex And The City

Last night, I had a dream wherein I was sitting in the front row of a Bret Michaels concert, waiting for him to perform and announce who he'd chosen to win Rock of Love Bus. But I screwed up his entire concert when I called him out for playing "Pour Some Sugar On Me."

"That's not even your song," I yelled. "That's not your song, Bret!"

Bret then had to take a thirty minute break to pull himself together. Apparently, my outburst, a fellow audience member informed me, had "set off his 'beetus."

To summarize: last night, I ruined a Bret Michaels concert by sending him into diabetic shock after yelling at him about singing a song about pouring sugar on himself. I am not making this up, which makes this even more embarrassing: my brain is putting together bits of Bret Michaels' life while I'm sleeping, which means I should probably stop watching Rock of Love Bus before bed. Or ever, really.

When I woke up, I was both amused and horrified. The dream also included a weird labyrinthine home of Bret's, which had doors that could only be opened via a secret combination, which I did not have. I was trapped in Bret's house, with no way out, which is how I often feel while watching Rock of Love Bus: I want to look away, but I can't.

Does pop culture ever work its way into your subconscious? And if so, does it produce dreams or nightmares?

The list is a bit of a mess: Batman lands at number 18, while Die Hard's John McClane comes in at number 6 (and nobody from Lord of the Rings makes the list at all, WTF). But perhaps more frustrating is the fact that only 5 women made the list, and the very first woman on the list, Jennifer Garner's Sydney Bristow, is listed as having "Any spandex clothing item, preferably red," as her best accessory. Blargh.

Alas, the ladies have been shafted again. Perhaps we should make our own list? Some suggestions: Veronica Sawyer, Xena, Lydia Deets, Coraline, Hermione Granger, Claire Huxtable, Veronica Mars, Wonder Woman, Harriet the Spy, Matilda, and, of course, Eowyn. Who are your pop culture heroines?

20 All Time Coolest Heroes In Pop Culture [EW]

• Sadie defended fashion from hateful Wintourish anti-heroes.
• We told Seventeen's constructive criticism and eyeshadow advice to suck it.
• Women's magazines "saved" Cathy Alter's life.
• But not ours.
• Dodai revealed her secret passion for juniors fashion..

• Tracie slayed the "emotional conquistador."
• Lamb cums all over Gwen Stefani's face!
• We were fondly embarrassed by our fathers.
• It's thankfully, oh so thankfully Friday! So enjoy your Cocktails n' Dreams and have a fantastic weekend

TV is Good For You, If You Are A Woman In Rural India, At Least [Slate]