• The "celebrity stock indices" for famous females like Gisele Bundchen and Angelina Jolie outperform the Dow. • According to one Russian woman's English-language wholly unscientific Google search, post-Communist women from Russia and Ukraine all want foreign husbands. • The science behind common food-related aphrodisiacs reveals there is some truth behind the myths. • A baby whale who lost its mother off the coast of Sydney, Australia faces judgment today to asses if it should be put down by the National Parks authorities. • Don't read this account of tortures inflicted on Tennessee walking horses if you have a weak stomach. • The alleged 14-year-old wife of FLDS leader Warren Jeffs has been sent to foster care after a Judge order on Tuesday. • Today in history: Soviet pups made a safe landing after going on a journey in Space in 1960! • No, Olympic gold medalist Nastia Liukin did not get to meet Michael Phelps. But she will get a parade!

While Kinkade's egalitarian, Marxist, hippied-out community, Twin Oaks, was "as far from fundamentalist Mormonism as it could be without being lunar," she still felt a kinship with the FLDS children because "I grew up in a place where my 'normal' was far enough from the average American childhood to make Dick and Jane books read like cultural anthropology."

She also identified with the FLDS's unconventional kinship structure. While Kinkade didn't live with her biological mother, there was a woman who she considers her mother emotionally; a woman who was her "purveyor of mac and cheese, warmth, and safety." And though she thinks that marrying off 13-year-olds to gross old men is "indefensible," she does fear that the media is painting the FLDS with the freak brush a little too often for her liking. "I wonder what degree of empathy is possible in a social structure that persists in defining the lives of the children it is trying to help as bizarre," she muses.

Look, I'm no fan of the FLDS. I don't have evidence that every family within the church is sexually abusive or cruel to children — though clearly the structure of the religion makes it easy for abuse to happen. But Kinkade's plea for tolerance and compassion is something we should all consider. Though really, Warren Jeffs — what a sick fuck, right????

We Are (All) Family [Slate]
Judge's Orders Aimed To Protect Jeffs' Daughter From Sect Member [Dallas Morning News via Newser]

Earlier: Please Do Not Cry For Those Poor Polygamist Wives, Fox News

Three of the Texas Supreme court members wrote in a dissenting opinion that while the Department of Family and Protective Services was wrong to take all the children, there was proper evidence given in order to remove adolescent girls from "a pattern or practice of sexual abuse."

While the Department of Family and Protective Services clearly abused power, some of the evidence presented by the Department was incredibly damning. According to the Texas Supreme Court decision, "the Department presented 'Bishop’s Records'— documents seized from the Ranch — indicating the presence of several extremely young mothers or pregnant 'wives' on the Ranch: a sixteen-year-old 'wife' with a child, a sixteen-year-old pregnant 'wife,' two pregnant fifteen-year-old “wives,” and a thirteen-year-old who had conceived a child." The expert witness from the FLDS themselves "confirmed that the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints accepts the age of 'physical development' (that is, first menstruation) as the age of eligibility for 'marriage.'"

Texas Court Upholds Polygamist Removals Ruling [Reuters]
FLDS Ruling Upheld By Texas Supreme Court [Los Angeles Times]
FLDS Ruling [Texas Supreme Court]

The state is appealing the court's ruling, claiming that since DNA testing has not been completed, returning children to their parents could be exposing them to sexual predators within the community. Willie Jessop, who is the FLDS point man in dealings with Texas officials, says that what's happening to his brethren is "un-American," and that the idea that his religion condones sexual relationships between grown men and underage girls is "the biggest bunch of bull crap that's ever been sold to this nation." But what about the "bull crap" that's been sold to the young girls of the FLDS, trapped in their long-skirted, fertile prisons, too scared to speak out? It's pretty clear at this point that the state of Texas made major missteps in the YFZ raid, but the idea of subjecting women and girls to this continued treatment is untenable.

The YFZ Ranch [CBS News]
The Kiss Of Jeffs [The Smoking Gun]
Texas Officials Fear Polygamist Sect Might Flee [AP]

Louisa Bradshaw Jessop gave birth to a son — her third child — in Austin, Texas. Jessop says that she is 22, though state authorities believe her to be 17. Jessop's husband, Rulan Danial Jessop, 24, "filed a habeas corpus petition in Austin last Wednesday that argues his wife is being improperly detained by the state," according to the Salt Lake Tribune. For now, a Texas judge has allowed a temporary restraining order against the Department of Family and Protective services to prevent them from moving Louisa and her baby to San Antonio.

We don't know how big Louisa's baby is, but if it is a super wee one, the boy has a greater chance of growing into an angry young man. According to research from the University of Helsinki, low birth rate and slow growth in childhood lead to "increased levels of hostility in adults," and this hostility is a harbinger of health troubles like heart issues and type 2 diabetes. Maybe that woman who's still breastfeeding her eight-year-old is just doing it to prevent her child's ire!

28 Million Women At Risk Of Unwanted Pregnancy [Reuters]
Second FLDS Mother Gives Birth While In Texas Custody [Salt Lake Tribune]
Smaller Babies Become Hostile Adults: Study [Newser]

Earlier: At What Age Is A Kid Too Old To Breastfeed?

FDLS brass of course, deny that any sexual abuse has occurred. Church spokesman Rod Parker thinks that the Texas Child Protective Services is underestimating the ages of the pregnant girls. Parker told the AP, "I do have serious questions about how they are determining age in there."

Each of the 463 minors taken from the YFZ ranch by the state of Texas is supposed to have an individual hearing by June 5 in order to determine if they should be put into foster care. Civil Liberties groups are arguing alongside that FDLS that the initial accusations of abuse only focused on teen girls, yet the state of Texas took every child, no matter age or gender. But couldn't it be argued that a culture that condones — however tacitly — the abuse of teenage girls is no culture for any child to be raised in?

Most Teen Girls From Ranch Have Been Pregnant [AP via MSNBC]
CPS: Half of Sect's Teen Girls Have Been Pregnant [AP via CNN]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Texas Officials Keep Teen Moms From Polygamist Sect In State Custody

The ACLU's doubts about the constitutionality of Texas's actions have been bolstered by evidence that the original call that brought authorities to raid the YFZ ranch — from a 16-year-old named Sarah Jessop Barlow, who claimed to have been forced to marry a 50-year-old when she was 15 — was a hoax.

According to the right-leaning American Spectator, Texas and Arizona authorities believe that the call may have been placed by a 33-year-old pathological liar named Rozita Swinton. "Swinton came to the attention of Texas officials after anti-polygamy advocates with an Arizona-based organization said they also received similar calls from 'Sarah,' which police then traced to Swinton, who appears to have been obsessed with the FLDS sect," the Spectator reports. Police have since raided Swinton's home and found a trove of FLDS information — though the Spectator also gleefully points out that Swinton is an Obama supporter; they're not exactly unbiased.

To combat all the poor publicity the FDLS sect has received in recent weeks, many of the female fundies have appeared on TV in order to put a "human face" on polygamists. Reports the AP, "FLDS women are speaking publicly about the heartbreak of being separated from their children and sharing some details of their life." This PR push is particularly important in the wake of Friday's decision.

FDLS mothers will be allowed to stay with their children only until DNA testing on all 416 children is complete. After that, only mothers under the age of 18 — still arguably children themselves — will be allowed to stay with their biological offspring. The DNA testing will not only show which children belong to which parents, but will also give insight into the FDLS family tree, which some describe as a "wreath" because of all the incest that takes place in the FDLS community. (There is a very rare strain of extreme retardation called Fumarase Deficiency that is reasonably common in the FDLS community because of all the intermarriage and the massive DNA testing could isolate the gene that causes Fumarase.)

ACLU Weighs In On Texas Polygamist Custody Case [CNN]
Searching For "Sarah" [Spectator]
Polygamous Sect Unleashes PR Campaign [AP via MSNBC]
Tracing The Polygamists' Family Tree[Time]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Please Do Not Cry For Those Poor Polygamist Wives, Fox News

Three women claiming to be representing the group wrote a letter to Texas Governor Rick Perry, lamenting their plight. "You would be appalled," the FLDS mothers wrote. "Many of our children have become sick as a result of the conditions they have been placed in. Some have even had to be taken to the hospital. Our innocent children are continually being questioned on things they know nothing about. The physical examinations were horrifying to the children. The exposure to these conditions is traumatizing them."

The mothers have also been stripped of their cell phones, as Texas authorities fear that the custody case will be hampered by outside interference. If the treatment of the FLDS wives and children is anything like former sect member Carolyn Jessop claims it is, then the lack of cell phones is the least of these women's worries. Jessop was married to a man over 30 years her senior when she was 18, and though she had 8 children with her husband (who had five other wives), she lived in constant fear. "Some [women in the sect] had been beaten so badly they had suffered broken bones. Girls, some as young as 12 and 13, had been expected to have sex with much older men."

Mothers From Polygamous Sect Ask Texas For Help [CNN]
Sect Investigation Moving To Courtroom [AP]
Forced To Marry A 50-year-old With Six Wives When Just 18 ... One Woman's Harrowing Tale Of Escaping The Texas Polygamist Sect [Daily Mail]

Earlier: Authorities Take 400 More Kids From Polygamist Sect In Texas
Your Nagging Ancient Mormon Underage Sex Cult Questions, Answered At Last!
Polygamist Sect Raided On Charges Of Abuse Of Girls

• We were so into the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints and their Yearning For Zion Ranch, where girls in their early teens get married off to gross molesty old men with multiple other wives, none of whom are allowed to wear red because that's Jesus' color.
  
• Are those teens better, or worse off than the brave 8-year-old Yemeni girl name Nojoud Muhammed Nasser who was married off by her crazy homeless father, but has now successfully filed for divorce.
  
• A study in contrasts: the marriage of Nojoud Muhammed Nasser versus the insane Southern belles of MTV's True Life who call themselves "old maids" at age 24.

• OMG I almost forgot about that Australian father and daughter who fuck and have babies. Oh ew.
• Can't some people just have a nice, normal wedding that doesn't involve incest, polygamy, statutory rape, fake boobs or Botox?
• Mommablogger Dooce appears to be a fairly reasonable person whose wedding probably didn't involve any of those things.
• Karl Lagerfeld hates Dooce's kid, though. Actually he hates all children. And also fat people!
• You know who probably had kind of shitty moms? Those horrid teenage cheerleader bitches who beat the living hell out of their friend and may now face life in prison.
• So make a bonfire out of Cosmo's "Sexy" issue, and rip off that bandanna you've been wearing. Let it all hang out this weekend!

MOE: Okay, can I just say...these guys have been the subject of a fucking John Krakauer book, their fugitive leader was on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted List as of a year ago...how...just how is it that 412 girls are being rescued only now?
MEGAN: Well, I watched the presser two days ago and the prosecutor was like: we needed evidence, and we needed probable cause. We didn't have those things without a witness and we can't just harass people because of their religious beliefs and I was kinda of like, go Texas. Only then, you know, 412 girls. Civil liberties aren't always black and white.

MOE: Hm, okay, that sounds to me like some bullshit. If this shit were happening in Philadelphia the police woulda just gone and firebombed their asses. But seriously, being a church affords you certain protections from like, forensic accounting investigation, right? From the sounds of this Texas Monthly story about the construction of the Eldorado ranch — related question: where'd they put all those girls while they were constructing the thing? Tents? — these guys had to be committing some sort of basic financial fraud that might granted them a few search warrants. Is the FLDS actually recognized by the IRS as a church? Shouldn't it be a cult? Isn't polygamy banned...uh...everywhere in this country? So many questions
MOE:

What's more, said Jessop, Jeffs has taught his followers to "bleed the beast": to take advantage of any government assistance they can get, from food stamps and public welfare to medical care. Some reporters who follow FLDS activities say that tens of millions of dollars a year in welfare and other government funds go to the Colorado City-Hildale community. The very same thing was no doubt about to happen in Eldorado, Jessop said.

MEGAN: Well, only without the Man-Boy love aspect of NAMBLA. It's MANGLA
MEGAN: er, NAMGLA, but the other way is funnier.
MEGAN: Also, this part made me cross my legs in horror:

In fact, said an Arizona county official who came with Jessop to the press conference, the sole responsibility of females in the FLDS is to submit to their husbands and give birth to babies "until their insides drop out."

At city hall, Mankin ran across a compound resident named Ernie Jessop, who was trying to find out some information about water rights. "You know, things would be a lot better around here if you had a spokesman to speak to our community instead of acting so secretive," Mankin told him.
"Sir, we don't talk to outsiders," Jessop said. "That's the way my grandfather was, the way my father was, the way I was raised, and the way I will raise my children. It's a tradition. We congregate to ourselves."

MEGAN: That's been in some of the news reports. They expel some of the younger men so that the old ones can marry their classmates. Grody. Also, one would think, unsustainable in the long term.
MEGAN: And I'm sure Jeffs is segregated from the general population.
MEGAN: Or in a mental facility.
MOE: Here's a story about Krakauer trying to find Warren Jeffs in 2005.

"Krakauer is actively investigating a lot of things, including the whereabouts of Warren Jeffs," said Paul Murphy, spokesman for Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff.

"Boys are fined and harassed by the police, who are sworn to uphold the law but serve as minions of Warren Jeffs," Krakauer said. "Hundreds of these boys over the past four years have been cast out. Most of them end up on the streets of (Las) Vegas or St. George," where they turn to drugs or prostitution.

MEGAN: Yeah, there was this story last year in the New York Times. They're some fucked up kids.
MEGAN:

The problem of surplus males worsened in the 1990s when the late prophet Rulon Jeffs, Warren Jeffs's father, took on dozens of young wives — picking the prettiest, most talented girls, said DeLoy Bateman, a high school teacher who watched it happen. Warren Jeffs, taking the mantle after his father's death in 2002, adopted most of his father's wives and married others, and also began assigning more wives to his trusted church leaders, former members say. Forced departures increased.

MEGAN: Yeah, despite Big Love, people find polygamists creepy. Who'd'a thunk?
MOE: Well, apparently they didn't always find them as creepy. Check this 2002 story.It uncovered an internal Arizona AG memo detailing the accusations against the FLDS but not advocating...criminal prosecutions?

Colorado City was once called Short Creek. It became infamous in 1953 after Governor Howard Pyle ordered state police to arrest and jail all married men on charges of bigamy, adultery and rape. Pyle also ordered the National Guard to round up all the women and children and bring them to Phoenix, where they were held as wards of the state for two years.
Pyle's action proved disastrous to his political future. Photographs of police pulling babies from their fathers' arms inflamed public opposition to the raid. Prosecutors were unable to secure significant convictions because it was difficult to prove bigamy since most of the marriages were not legally recorded.
"You get killed quicker in government doing your duty than turning your back," Pyle was quoted as saying at the time, according to a March 4, 2001, article in the Denver Post.
Pyle was defeated in the next election.

The hands-off policy continued during former attorney general and governor Bruce Babbitt's era. In a 1986 Associated Press article, Babbitt defended the residents as hardworking, God-fearing people and said he did not want to delve into personal lives.

Mohave County Supervisor Buster Johnson says Napolitano told the group that her office was continuing to investigate activities in Colorado City.
"They don't have enough documentation to charge anybody with any crimes," Johnson says he was told by Napolitano.
Johnson says he's been investigating allegations of child abuse, sex crimes and welfare fraud in Colorado City since becoming a supervisor six years ago. The former Los Angeles County sheriff's deputy says he's interviewed more than 30 former church members who have fled Colorado City.
Johnson says he has been told of repeated instances of underage girls being forced into marriage, child abuse, child labor law violations, welfare fraud, rapes, assaults and mental cruelty. Young boys are also abused, he says. Boys who are deemed to be unruly and who will not follow church doctrine are dumped onto the streets of Salt Lake City to fend for themselves, he says.

MOE: Where does the natural foods diet come from?
MOE: Whoa, check this out from a Dallas Observer piece:

"They are not a threat to your children; they are a threat to their own children," she said of the polygamists, mentioning in passing child abuse, forced marriage of teenage girls, child labor, welfare fraud, tax fraud and other horrors. "They have a commune in Canada. They use it to mix up the blood. Birth defects are starting to become noticeable. If a young girl starts to get rebellious, wants to get out, they'll send her to a foreign country."

Marleigh Meisner, the spokeswoman for Texas child protective services, tells CNN that the agency is trying to keep siblings together in the event that they are taken from their parents, but that there is already a critical shortage of foster homes; she tells CBS News the FLDS kids would have a tough time acclimating to modern life.

The children who lived at the Yearning For Zion ranch had little or no contact with the outside world. According to former sect member Carolyn Jessop, who used to be married to the alleged leader of the YFZ compound, "Once you go into the compound, you don't ever leave it." She adds that the community focuses on self-sufficiency because they believe the end is neigh; women are under particular control, including a ban on cutting their hair or wearing red. (Cult leader Warren Jeffs, who is currently in jail on charges stemming from arranging a marriage between a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin and allegedly fathered 56 children by 40 wives, says that the color red belongs to Jesus and so no mortal should wear it.)

It's hard to argue that Texas authorities should just sit idly by if they can prove that children are regularly abused at the FDLS compound, but there does seem to be something cruel and illogical about separating over 400 children from their mothers and thrusting them into a modern world for which they are ill-equipped. The FDLS has a reputation for exiling young men — nicknamed "the lost boys" — so that it can maintain a gender imbalance necessary for polygamy, and, according to The Guardian, these lost boys floundered outside compound walls, with no experience dealing with modern life and nothing to live for. The situations are not analogous, as the children taken from the YFZ ranch will be placed with foster parents, but the consequences might end up being just as severe for these kids experiencing brutal culture shock.

Texas Takes Legal Custody Of 401 Sect Children [CNN]
400 Children Taken From Polygamist Sect [CBS News]
The Lost Boys, Thrown Out Of US Sect So That Older Men Can Marry More Wives [Guardian]

Earlier: Polygamist Sect Raided On Charges Of Abuse Of Girls

CPS spokeswoman Marleigh Meisner tells the AP: "We're always concerned anytime we have a victim and we can't find that victim. I am confident this girl does indeed exist." Dale Barlow, who was convicted last year of conspiracy to commit sexual conduct with a minor, is reportedly in Arizona at the Fundamentalist Church's other compound near the Utah border, and claims that he doesn't know the girl accusing him. According to his probation officer Bill Loader, Barlow has given a DNA sample and is cooperating with investigators.

This isn't the first time the Fundamentalist Church of Latter Day Saints, a splinter Mormon faction that allows polygamy, has made news. Its controversial leader Warren Jeffs is currently in a Utah jail for arranging a marriage between a 14-year-old girl and her 19-year-old cousin, and the church has a reputation for exiling young men so that there can be a gender imbalance that allows for polygamy to be the norm.

The town nearest to the YFZ Ranch, a tiny burg named Eldorado, has been housing the displaced women and children for the past few days, not without suspicion and a little fear — perhaps they envision another Waco. According to the Dallas Morning News, locals think that law enforcement has been waiting since Jeffs' arrest to raid the compound. Randy Mankin, the editor of the Eldorado Success newspaper, told the Morning News, Child Protective Services "got the tip they've been waiting for, and I think they had the plan in place for how they were going to deal with it." The 200 or so women and children remain at a historic fort in nearby San Angelo for now, as officials are still trying to find the 16-year-old victim.

Troopers Probe Texas Polygamist Compound [AP]
137 Children Removed From Polygamist Ranch [CNN]
Man Accused Of Impregnating Teenager In Connection With Texas Polygamy Raid Says He Doesn't Know His Accuser [Salt Lake Tribune]
State Still Searching For Children At Polygamist Sect's Ranch [Dallas Morning News]

• When it comes to choosing Mr. Right, women are more interested in a guy with good manners than good looks. Whatever, we like a hottie who can burp the alphabet. Can we get a 'true dat', Audrina? [Daily Express]
  
• Ninety-five percent of women have "issues" with their period. For women with more than the average "Ugh, you mean I have to run out and spend $6 on tampons again?" annoyance with their cycle — like severe cramps, diarrhea, and suicidal-PMS — CNN offers up the latest treatment methods. [CNN]
  
• The National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence wants water births to be an option for all expectant mothers since they are the safest form of pain-relief during labor. Sidebar! Is birthing a baby in a pool just as funny as farting in a hot tub? Doubt it. [The Independent]

• An increasing number of Asian women are committing suicide in the London neighborhood of Southall by jumping onto train tracks. A women's organization attributes the rise in suicide to domestic violence within the community. [Times of London]
• Two Saudi women told the religious police to talk to the hand when the officers said they were inappropriately-dressed. Of course they were arrested (because that's what happens in Saudi Arabia when women dare to talk back). We hope they threw in two snaps and a circle, for good measure. [BoingBoing]
• Feministing cuts America's Next Top Racist a break, which is nice of them. We still think Adrienne Curry is a useless, bigoted fucktard, though. [Feministing]
• We can't believe this is even up for debate, but the US Court of Appeals is currently hearing testimony as to whether the state of Missouri can deny incarcerated women the right to timely and safe abortions. Bitch robbed a bank, let's punish her with an unwanted baby. [Ms.]
• The Acting Surgeon General appointed by President Bush is a hard-core emergency contraception opponent. Big fucking shocker. [Ms.]
• Pervy Polygamist Warren Jeffs was convicted as an accomplice to rape. Guess we know what's going to happen on Big Love next season! [NY Times]
• A long-term study has found that women who take the breast cancer drug Herceptin triple their chances of survival. Hmm, what are the chances our shitty health care insurance companies cover this wonder drug? [Daily Mail]
• Researchers have discovered 350 genes linked to female fertility which may help them figure out the mysteries of infertility. Biggest head-scratcher: Why is it that so many women who really want babies have a hard time (like Nicole Kidman!) but women who are completely devoid of a natural inclination to parent (like Brit) turn 'em out like flapjacks? [Science Daily]

• Rumors are flying that Britney Spears might appear on Sunday's Emmy Awards to apologize for her performance at the VMAs. WTF? What does she have to apologize for? She gave a shitty performance, she didn't go on a racist tirade or run over a crowd of schoolchildren. Britney, babe, don't let those assholes convince you to humiliate yourself even more for their ratings pleasure. Go home, take a shower, and play with your kids. [US Weekly]
  
• A 16-year old buy trailed a group of girl runners from his high school and yelled, "Keep going, or I'll rape you." The girls showed the little fucker they weren't scared and took down his license plate number and called the cops. Take that, punk. [NBC5.com]
  
• Holy crap, Beth Ditto from The Gossip writes an advice column? Awesome! [Guardian UK]
  
• Teen girls who diet are more likely to become smokers. Well, duh. If there's anything Kate Moss ever taught us it's that smoking fights hunger pangs and looks super sexy. [Reuters]

• After our 72-year old grandpa had triple bypass surgery, the first thing he asked the doctor when he awoke was when he could "have relations" with his wife again. That's why the news that seniors are still into humping came as no surprise to us. [USA Today]
• African pop star Angelique Kidjo has launched a campaign in her native country of Benin to encourage girls to get an education. [Reuters]
• Is today Paris Hilton's birthday? Scientists are close to developing a vaccine for chlamydia. [ScienceDaily.com]
• Two badass female NASA commanders will make history next month as they become the first pair of women to lead their orbital missions at the same time. Punky Brewster would be so proud. [MSNBC]
• MSNBC calls out Myriad, a company which is marketing their breast and ovarian cancer tests in TV commercials, for using scare tactics to increase their stock price, alleging that these ads make more business sense for Myriad than for public health or for educating women. [MSNBC]
• The debate over how to teach sex education in India rages on. Bizarrely, the situation there is really no different than the sex education vs. abstinence debate in the US — except that we're a freaking first world country and should be beyond this shit. [Economist]
• Eighty-nine year old Sylvia Levin is awesome — for the last 34 years she's spent six days a week getting people to register to vote, for free. Government experts think the 46,700 voters that Levin has registered are a national record. Think how many scarves she could have knitted instead. [LA Times]