• Two year old Nigel Mutemagau is currently being held in a maximum security prison in Zimbabwe. He was abducted with his parents, and is now reportedly in solitary confinement. • Chico, a love-sick parrot, has been put on Prozac to combat her possessive obsession with her owner. • According to government health officials, STD rates are on the rise for the first time in years, with reported cases of chlamydia at an all time high. • In attempts to widen its audience beyond the bride-to-be demographic and capture the elusive currently-breastfeeding-women group, The Knot Inc. has purchased Breastfeeding.com. • A Chicago salon formerly named "Ossama's" has just changed its name to "Obama's." Click through for a pointless slide show featuring pictures of Osama bin Laden and the back of Obama's head. • New research has found that oestrogen hormone therapy, a treatment for symptoms of menopause, causes the female brain to shrink. • Companies in Britain are now offering their employees "Botox leave." Seriously? • In an incredibly tasteless move, an Austrian theater company has announced that they plan to stage a satiric soap opera about Joseph Fritzl, titled "Fritzl's Bed and Breakfast." • An anti-litter campaign is asking McDonald's to help deliver the anti-litter message at the point of sale. • Is chocolate keeping you up at night? Maybe, says the National Sleep Foundation. • In other candy news, the famous Cadbury Dairy Milk chocolate bar will now feature the warning "CONTAINS: MILK" on its label for those customers confused by the misleading name. • One in four women report having unprotected sex after running out of the Pill. • Lucy Newmann, 22, was out with her friends at a bar in Scotland when she was punched in the face in an alleged anti-England attack. • The wife of Richard Batista, the man who sued for the return of his kidney, has spoken out against Batista, calling him "hyper-suspicious" and insanely jealous. • In a depressingly ironic twist of fate, Alec Ahsoak, a 53-year-old sex offender, recently won $350,000 in a lottery sponsored by an advocacy group for sex abuse victims. •

Sadie sadly got the short end of this particular stick, as I would suggest that platinum blonde is probably not her shade. But, she does get the most jewelry of any of us.

Actually, tangerine looks kind of good on Jessica, and the Hillary-do isn't completely terrible.

Dodai is much, much prettier than Palin and takes no photos of herself winking. She also doesn't need to tease up the back like that.

I'm just too fair to pull off the dark hair, I think, but I was about the right amount of happy to be up on stage next to Obama. [Hands off, lady. -Ed.]

Hollywood Hair Virtual Makeover [InStyle]