Even ​Mark Sanford's Ex-Fiancée Was Surprised by That Facebook Post

I think it's safe to say that we were all sort of taken off guard by Mark Sanford's cry-me-a-river Facebook post announcing his break-up with fiancée Maria Belen Chapur. Mostly because he's an irrelevant politician whose claim to fame is his extramarital business. But apparently, we weren't the only one's surprised by… » 9/14/14 1:42pm Yesterday 1:42pm

Mark Sanford Calls It Quits with Argentinian Fiancée

It's a sad day for love, folks. Mark Sanford, the former governor of South Carolina and current congressman who notoriously *airquotes*went on a hiking trip in the Appalachians*end airquotes* only to find himself in Argentina carrying on an extramarital affair, has announced that he is ending his engagement to his… » 9/13/14 12:01pm Saturday 12:01pm

Male Senator Has Never Seen Sexism in the Senate, So It Must Not Exist

His name is Ron Johnson, he comes from Wisconsin, and he thinks that his Senate colleague Kirsten Gillibrand should either expose the identities of the men who harassed her about her body or shut up about sexism. After all, Senator Ron Johnson (a man) has never seen sexism during his time in the Senate. Therefore,… » 9/03/14 4:00pm 9/03/14 4:00pm

Todd Akin Went On TV To Talk About Rape Again. It Did Not Go Well.

Todd Akin has made several legitimate mistakes over the course of his flaccid political career. Appearing on MSNBC today to say more stupid shit about rape was among them, and judging by his apparent dogged wrongness in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, it won't be the last. » 7/17/14 2:00pm 7/17/14 2:00pm

Where AIDS Comes From, According to a Very Misinformed Republican

AIDS, AIDS, AIDS. Where does it come from? Why does it happen? What is it even? If you're ever taken a health-ed class, you know a little bit about this mystery disease that has stumped scientists for decades. Like the fact that it's not just for gay people or that it doesn't just come from anal sex. But a Minnesota… » 7/14/14 5:40pm 7/14/14 5:40pm

Surprise: GOP Candidate Preaches Abstinence, Teen Daughter Is Pregnant

A hearty Mazel Tov (a blessing on your head!) to Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, whose staunch support of abstinence-only education will soon bear delicious fruit from the tree of poetic justice: His 17-year-old unmarried daughter is pregnant and expecting a baby any day now! Good work, everyone! Let's all go home! » 7/10/14 6:45pm 7/10/14 6:45pm

Texas Republican Launches and Quickly Folds 'Boats N' Hoes' Super PAC

A high-level employee at a prominent Texas firm that has provided consulting services to some prominent Republicans in the Lone Star State will be closing his Boats N' Hoes Super PAC this week, after people found out about it. This is a dark day in both the world of boats and the world of hoes. And in the candidacy of… » 4/17/14 5:30pm 4/17/14 5:30pm

New 'Cool' Conservative Website Ads Are a Sexist Pile of Garbage

Breitbart, a #cool news outlet for #hip #conservatives who like to #chill with #friends on the #net, is in some hot water today, after ads hyping the launch of its West Coast-centric site Breitbart California featured Miley Cyrus on all fours with Nancy Pelosi's head 'shopped over and Mark Zuckerberg with breasts.… » 4/07/14 5:20pm 4/07/14 5:20pm

Virginia Republican Wants to Outlaw Oral Sex Between Teenagers

The Republicans of Virginia physically cannot stop thinking about what their constituents do with their genitals. You'd think that, after Ken Cuccinelli and his batshit insane "outlaw oral and anal sex" platform lost the governor's race, conservatives would have realized that any enemy of BJs, etc. is an enemy of… » 1/10/14 6:15pm 1/10/14 6:15pm

Republicans Offer Class on How to Talk to Women Without Being a Dick

The GOP has more problems than a math book with a distant father, but the problem that stings the worst, electorally speaking, is its problem with women. Now, party leaders are doing something about one aspect of that problem, designed especially with the hapless male conservative in mind: sensitivity training. I'm… » 12/05/13 4:30pm 12/05/13 4:30pm

Kids With Cancer Being Turned Away From Treatment--Thanks, Shutdown!

Conservatives can't seem to be able to get their story straight on the government shutdown — some are claiming it's No Big Deal, while others are wringing their hands and wailing that it's the Obamapocalypse and that soon we'll all be personally bludgeoned to a pulp by bureaucrats wielding death panels. Both groups… » 10/02/13 4:30pm 10/02/13 4:30pm

Anthony Weiner's Dick Wagging Might Cost Huma Abedin Her Career

Anthony Weiner concluded a disastrous New York City mayoral primary by being chased through a Midtown McDonald's pursued by a scorned 23-year-old sext partner in spike heels and then driving off flashing his middle finger like the Wiz Khalifa of losing elections, and I breathed a sigh of relief. Our long regional… » 9/23/13 2:25pm 9/23/13 2:25pm

Right-Wing Dumbass Calls Hillary 'Our First Lesbian President'

Looks like American Family Association spokesman Bryan Fischer is quite the busybody! You see, he heard from the Daily Mail who heard from Gennifer Flowers (who apparently is bored I guess?) who heard from Bill Clinton's whispering penis that Hillary Clinton is a totally giant bisexual lezbo in the sack!!! And that » 9/20/13 9:30am 9/20/13 9:30am

Sydney Leathers Chased Anthony Weiner Through a McDonald's Last Night

After netting only 5%(ish) of the vote in NYC's Democratic Mayoral primary yesterday, prolific sexter Anthony Weiner has little choice but to go limping off into the sunset. But it wouldn't be right if the Saga of Carlos Danger simply petered out. No, in order for this story to properly conclude, America needed Sydney… » 9/11/13 10:00am 9/11/13 10:00am

Fox Nation Twitter Feed A Celebration of Freedom, Boobs (Mostly Boobs)

Free college essay practice prompt: What does America mean to you? If you're the Constitution groping freedom huffers at Fox News viewer-generated Fox Nation, freedom means guns and stuff, sure, but it also means funbags. Sweater puppies. High octane gazongas. Breasts, that is. Texas T&A. » 8/20/13 6:10pm 8/20/13 6:10pm