Somehow i doubt that if said wife or girlfriend goes to a strip club, she can't figure out how her bf or husband behaves when she's not there. Just look at the other oafs treating women like rented meat, or use couples' telepathy to notice the slight change in behavior of her partner. Do you really think taking your man to a strip club won't teach you sometihng about him you'd rather not know?
I'm a little skeeved out by some of these comments from women who like strip clubs. So, you go there to appreciate beautiful women? You want the stripper to smile and look like they're having fun, have a conversation with you? These are the same things that men pay strippers to do. If they're good at their job, they know how to turn it on all the time, and give every customer, male and female, what they want.
I mean, if you're into the status quo, in which women in and out of the strip club are objects for male consumption, and in which female sexuality is synonymous with performance for the male gaze, go right ahead. Just don't kid yourself that they especially appreciate your patronage, or that you're something better than the men.
I have a friend from beauty school who used to dance, and she thought women were the worst. They were tight with their money, they laughed at her, and they were less likely to respect the rules of the club. Everyone who wanted to have a conversation with her, if they paid for it, she turned it on and acted like who they wanted her to be. I bet they all thought she was thrilled to do it.
@Hana Maru, used up old slutbag on the pole: Hi. Are we brain twins? You said everything I wanted to say, only better. And you know what? I'm tired of the current thinking that if you aren't pro-sex industry/sex work you are anti-sex worker/ a judgy prude.
@5ft of fury: I'm tired of that too. I hate how the term "sex-positive" means, basically "don't think too hard! don't look beyond individual choice to why women keep making certain choices or consider the effects!" I'm all about sex and about women not being shamed for being sexual. I just don't see how this fits into anyone's concept of authentic sexual empowerment.
My friend made the choice to dance, but her other choices were extremely limited considering she had a young kid without a father. As soon as she had another viable choice, she got out of it. It was an exceptionally shitty, exceptionally exploitative job, both in terms of what customers expected of her and in terms of the labor arrangement. It bugs me a lot that women here are only considering it in terms of their customer experience.
Fuck this shit! Women internalizing the male gaze, performing for male partners, and adopting their partners interests in an effort to be cool enough to be one of the boys is nothing new. Renting womens bodies like commodities is nothing new.
You know what's actually taboo? Men going with their female partners to a male revue, men owning their bisexuality(when they are), men saying things like "even though I'm straight, I like looking at pretty boys" or "I appreciate the art of what they do"
@Hana Maru: Yeah. I mean, I respect the women(and men!) who strip. I think that there are plenty of people who do it and who feel FINE with it, and can even be empowered or turned on by that. And that's cool. What I don't think is so cool? People, primarily men and women who like to "hang with the bros" telling me how I need to be cool with a rigid (heterosexual) male view of women's bodies and sex. And how if I'm not really ok with supporting strip clubs I'm somehow a prude or really a bad judgy woman. Uh, no. As a woman, and a bisexual one at that, my sexuality and my body are NOT up for public consumption. That is my right and I really don't care if you're gonna give me free shots if I make out with my sorority sister, bro dudes of the world, I'm not going to objectify myself (and the other woman) so you can get off (and no, I'm not going to sleep with you either). You know what I find to be hot and refreshing (and kind of kinky)? A man who is comfortable enough in his sexuality that if he feels attracted sometimes to other males, he can admit it. Who understands that while power play can be fun, the best "kinky" sex involves equal take and give-meaning, if I'm going to be making out with another woman in front of you, you need to be cool with allowing me to get off too, even if that means you might need to learn to be ok with watching another guy fuck "your" girl.
I went to a male strip club a few times, and the handful of straight men who were in the audience were there specifically to try and pick up the females in the club. In fact one guy said that to me, that a friend of his told him it was the best place ever to pick up women!
Didn't see any men there who were part of a hetero couple though~~ only gay couples.
Yeah, tried this once. Didn't go so well. Although, I will say, most of the blame has to be placed on my boyfriend's two friends who came with us, one of whom drove us there. This was last year, and yes, even at 20, I had a curfew, which I almost missed because they refused to take me back to my car that I then needed to drive on sheets of ice.
However, the fact that the two-drink minimum made me have to pay $15 for two bottles of water that I didn't even want, as well as the fact that, while my boyfriend's friends seemed suitably awkward about the whole think, he just stared, mouth agape, barely talking to me the whole time, made it even worse.
The one time I went to a strip club with a partner, I had a lot of fun having drinks and talking with the dancers, who were for the most part fun, sweet girls.
Of course, I was also rolling my ass off on ecstasy, so make of that what you will.
I would love to go a strip club as part of a couple- where the girls (guys?) are lovely, lively, happy, chatty, and put on a good show. I have no desire to go to and watch people who are depressed, sad, sluggish, what have you. And definitely not to "make myself look better by comparison".
@cand86: I make myself look better to potential lady friends by taking them to parks full of homeless people. That way she really appreciates the fact that I use a toliet and bathe.
@rmric0.wedding.photographer.and.manny: Oh my God, hearted for that. I'm sitting here laughing out loud at 2 in the morning when I should be finishing grad school aps.I needed that laugh.
Huh. I don't have much of an opinion on this. I've never been to one but the last guy I seriously dated was a frequenter. He'd get together a big group of our mutual female friends and take all of them. I was never invited. True story.
I couldn't afford to leave him because I couldn't afford rent on my own. Also true, and very sad.
I used to go to strip clubs with boyfriends/friends and it was always a good time, but I'll probably never go again. I'd like to be able to have some sort of sensible reason, or even just a strong moral conviction, to use as an excuse, but the truth is, the last time I went, one of the strippers sort of...puffed her asshole out? So it was kind of inside out? Like, she sort of pooped her own ass out, if that's even possible. Regardless, I puked, and now I'm terrified of strip clubs, and that will trump any number of reasons any sexpert says I should go. So there.
@Triphena: That sounds to my completely non-medical background like a prolapsed rectum, and that sounds exceedingly unpleasant for everyone involved. Eek!
@Triphena: I've seen porn clips on some guy's phones where the woman does this. I just kind of wonder - how did she discover she could do that? Did it happen by accident one day or what?
For an article that initially seemed like it would be stripper-positive, Fulbright's piece actually presents one of the nastiest views of stripping I've ever read.
Geee Fox News has a bad, stereotyped and superior view of strippers? Who'da thunk it?
Fox News is actually encouraging women to judge other women by their appearances, and then actually COMPARE themselves to other women as a way to build self-esteem? Isn't this a violation of every system of logic about building self-esteem? I'm so upset right now.
A reason NOT to go to strip clubs on a regular basis, if the Hustler Club in Baltimore is any indication: the women's bathrooms are naaarsty.
The men get big pictures of naked women and a royal experience, the women get nasty overflowing toilets, no towels, and the distinct possibility on walking in on strippers doing coke, as my friends did.
Of course, maybe that last one is a plus.
This was at a burlesque night that had booked the club, and watching the strippers versus the burlesque/go-go dancers was a fascinating experience. (Points to the Hustler girls: they WORKED that 2 floor pole, man, WOW.) It was also interesting seeing how the crowd changed from heavily women and couples - burlesque - and all men for the strippers at 10.
So is burlesque okay because it's fun and seems more female friendly? Hmmmmmm. Also, the hustler girls were pretty hot beneath all the makeup, and, up close, were obviously about 18 years old on average. I don't see going in with an eye to comparing yourself to that being good for a woman - fail, original article writer.
I think what disturbs me most about the article above is "Flexibility is key". It's not going for yourself or a fun, interesting experience... it's... sorta manipulative, somehow. Control issues, etc.
@NoelleBlue: Unless they've changed their policies in the last few years, the reason (well, one of the reasons, at least) the audience changed to all men after the show is because the Hustler Club - as with most of them on the block- generally frowns upon having ladies in the audience.
Whether that is because of the well known side activities that go on over there is up for debate...which is another reason that if you decide to go to a strip club with your partner, you ought to choose wisely. The experience can be vastly different depending on where you go. There are enough places that are welcoming to females/couples that the research is worth it.
But I hate the idea that watching strippers somehow replaces foreplay.
@cherry_blossom: I didn't know that... but it makes sense to me,; I've been to corner dive strip clubs that weren't like that whatsoever, it was certainly a different vibe.
I'm fairly confident in cities at night, especially with how crowded the Block was, but I have to say I hope almost never to be in that area again after dark. The vibe was so much not female-kind it took me by surprise! I kept my head down and skedaddled to my car.
The club itself reminded me of a book I read, can't remember the name, about a writer/stripper who stripped in every state, and her experiences. She said that she found the more expensive the club, the more demeaning the experience; less woman friendly, indeed. Strange and sad.
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
I mean, if you're into the status quo, in which women in and out of the strip club are objects for male consumption, and in which female sexuality is synonymous with performance for the male gaze, go right ahead. Just don't kid yourself that they especially appreciate your patronage, or that you're something better than the men.
I have a friend from beauty school who used to dance, and she thought women were the worst. They were tight with their money, they laughed at her, and they were less likely to respect the rules of the club. Everyone who wanted to have a conversation with her, if they paid for it, she turned it on and acted like who they wanted her to be. I bet they all thought she was thrilled to do it.
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/09/09
My friend made the choice to dance, but her other choices were extremely limited considering she had a young kid without a father. As soon as she had another viable choice, she got out of it. It was an exceptionally shitty, exceptionally exploitative job, both in terms of what customers expected of her and in terms of the labor arrangement. It bugs me a lot that women here are only considering it in terms of their customer experience.
12/08/09
12/08/09
You know what's actually taboo? Men going with their female partners to a male revue, men owning their bisexuality(when they are), men saying things like "even though I'm straight, I like looking at pretty boys" or "I appreciate the art of what they do"
12/08/09
12/08/09
I went to a male strip club a few times, and the handful of straight men who were in the audience were there specifically to try and pick up the females in the club. In fact one guy said that to me, that a friend of his told him it was the best place ever to pick up women!
Didn't see any men there who were part of a hetero couple though~~ only gay couples.
12/08/09
However, the fact that the two-drink minimum made me have to pay $15 for two bottles of water that I didn't even want, as well as the fact that, while my boyfriend's friends seemed suitably awkward about the whole think, he just stared, mouth agape, barely talking to me the whole time, made it even worse.
12/08/09
Of course, I was also rolling my ass off on ecstasy, so make of that what you will.
12/09/09
Awesome. Really.
12/10/09
12/08/09
I would love to go a strip club as part of a couple- where the girls (guys?) are lovely, lively, happy, chatty, and put on a good show. I have no desire to go to and watch people who are depressed, sad, sluggish, what have you. And definitely not to "make myself look better by comparison".
12/08/09
12/09/09
12/08/09
I couldn't afford to leave him because I couldn't afford rent on my own. Also true, and very sad.
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/09/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
That can't...be healthy. Perhaps she needs some Preparation H?
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
Geee Fox News has a bad, stereotyped and superior view of strippers? Who'da thunk it?
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
The men get big pictures of naked women and a royal experience, the women get nasty overflowing toilets, no towels, and the distinct possibility on walking in on strippers doing coke, as my friends did.
Of course, maybe that last one is a plus.
This was at a burlesque night that had booked the club, and watching the strippers versus the burlesque/go-go dancers was a fascinating experience. (Points to the Hustler girls: they WORKED that 2 floor pole, man, WOW.) It was also interesting seeing how the crowd changed from heavily women and couples - burlesque - and all men for the strippers at 10.
So is burlesque okay because it's fun and seems more female friendly? Hmmmmmm. Also, the hustler girls were pretty hot beneath all the makeup, and, up close, were obviously about 18 years old on average. I don't see going in with an eye to comparing yourself to that being good for a woman - fail, original article writer.
I think what disturbs me most about the article above is "Flexibility is key". It's not going for yourself or a fun, interesting experience... it's... sorta manipulative, somehow. Control issues, etc.
12/08/09
Whether that is because of the well known side activities that go on over there is up for debate...which is another reason that if you decide to go to a strip club with your partner, you ought to choose wisely. The experience can be vastly different depending on where you go. There are enough places that are welcoming to females/couples that the research is worth it.
But I hate the idea that watching strippers somehow replaces foreplay.
12/08/09
I'm fairly confident in cities at night, especially with how crowded the Block was, but I have to say I hope almost never to be in that area again after dark. The vibe was so much not female-kind it took me by surprise! I kept my head down and skedaddled to my car.
The club itself reminded me of a book I read, can't remember the name, about a writer/stripper who stripped in every state, and her experiences. She said that she found the more expensive the club, the more demeaning the experience; less woman friendly, indeed. Strange and sad.
12/08/09
12/08/09
12/08/09
Amateur night.