[Buenos Aires, October 20. Image via Getty]

Argentinian pole dancer Alumine Fernandez performs during the 'Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009' competition in Buenos Aires, Argentina on October 20, 2009. AFP PHOTO / JUAN MABROMATA (Photo credit should read JUAN MABROMATA/AFP/Getty Images)

[Buenos Aires, October 20. Image via Getty]

Brazilian pole dancer Eduarda Ribeiro (L) waits backstage for the start of the 'Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009' and 'Miss Pole Dance South America 2009' competitions, in Buenos Aires, Argentina on October 20, 2009. Brazilian dancer Rafaela Montenero took first place in the 'Miss Pole Dance South America 2009' and Argentinian pole dancer Maria Luz Escalante took the 'Miss Pole Dance Argentina 2009' title. AFP PHOTO/JUAN MABROMATA (Photo credit should read JUAN MABROMATA/AFP/Getty Images)

[Buenos Aires, October 19. Image via Getty]

Venezuelan and Brazilian competitors of the first Miss Pole Dance Sudamerica 2009 competition perform in downtown Buenos Aires on October 19, 2009. The pole dance, born in the Night Clubs in London, gradually grew and developed outside the field of sexuality and eroticism, as one of the most effective and fun activities when choosing a physical training routine. AFP PHOTO / Daniel Garcia (Photo credit should read DANIEL GARCIA/AFP/Getty Images)

Pittman is being held without bail. The women were all African-American and believed to be prostitutes. Police are still investigating the murders of the other four women and three missing women who fit the profile. • The persistent rumors that Chelsea Clinton was getting married in August on Martha's Vineyard obviously weren't true, as it's September and she's not married. The rumors got so bad that at one point the Clintons offered a $1,000 bet to any journalist's source that there would be no wedding. Hillary Clinton's reps issued a statement saying that they were, "sick of this insane environment where nobody bothers to heed the denials of the actual individuals involved and where facts and truth are a distant afterthought... So, if we're all going to be stuck together in this endless unfounded rumor loop through at least 8/29, let's at least make it interesting." There were no takers. • The wife of Yukio Hatoyama, who is expected to be voted Japan's next prime minister later this month, claimed in a book published last year that she rode a UFO to Venus 20 years ago. "While my body was asleep, I think my soul rode on a triangular-shaped UFO and went to Venus," said Miyuki Hatoyama. "It was a very beautiful place and it was really green." • Six women have been awarded the $25,000 Jaffe award for emerging women authors including poets Vievee Fancis, Janice Harrington and Heidy Steidlymayer; fiction writers Lori Ostlund and Helen Philips; and nonfiction writer Krista Bremer. • French doctor Pierre Foldes has developed a simple reconstructive procedure for victims of female genital mutilation that removes the painful tissue and reconstructs the clitoris by cutting ligaments to expose the root. "The results are getting better and better," he said . "Seventy two to 75 percent [of patients] are back to normal sexuality after 18 months." He has operated on more than 3,000 women in his hospital in France and is developing a program that would follow up with the women for months, giving them psychological treatment as well. • Though many teen sections in newspapers have been cut for economic reasons, the Yakima Herald-Republic's "Unleashed" section will return this fall due to an agreement with the local school district in Washington State to provide $11,500 to pay a part-time coordinator and student contributors. • Christina Aguilera, Christina Applegate, Maria Bello, Anne Hathaway, January Jones, Sherry Lansing, Sigourney Weaver, and Laura Ziskin will be honored at Variety's Power of Women luncheon on September 24 for the contributions they have made to charitable causes. • A study of nearly 30,000 people in the former Soviet Union found that binge-drinkers, and particularly women, who consumed four or five pints of beer or a bottle of wine in one day were more likely to have a "beer belly" than those who drank the same amount in a week. • The publishers of the New International Version Bible will release a revised edition that will "undo the damage" of an earlier version that tried to be more inclusive by substituting words like "he," "father," and "son" with more gender-neutral terms. Many didn't like the version, which came out in 2005. Wayne Grudem, a Biblical scholar at Phoenix Seminary in Scottsdale, Arizona, says, "I'm delighted to see they have realized the TNIV was simply never going to be accepted by the Christian public who value accuracy in translating the word of God... I'm thankful for their honesty." • To promote the Ultimate Pole Dancing Competition, there are mobile pole-dancing units bicycling around Manhattan today. • On Sunday 71-year-old Dawn Fraser, who won swimming gold medals in three Olympics, fought off and helped capture a man who tried to rob her in her home near Brisbane, Australia. "This guy came out of the gate and grabbed me and I grabbed him by the ear and I kicked him in the groin," she said. "So he had to let me go. He threatened my life and I got really annoyed about that and just grabbed him by the ear and the hair." A male friend made him lie on his stomach until the police came. • Are men really more likely to brag online? MIT researcher Philip Greenspun theorizes that men are more likely than women to participate in behaviors associated with high social status but little practical return, such as bickering over details on Wikipedia or commanding raids in World of Warcraft. • We're not sure if the front page of this newspaper is a "fail" just because it runs a photo of a woman pole dancing under the phrase "Boob bitten, woman busted," or because it also labels pole dancing "fun for the whole family."

Before we get the proverbial knickers in a twist (by the way: how does one manage this?) don't worry: as the video shows, Noah Cyrus's activities backstage before the infamous Teen Choice Awards can be termed a "pole dance" in only the strictest sense: she and some little friends alternately run around it maypole-style, or flop about in a desultory fashion. As a number of viewers have pointed out, most kids her age don't even know what a stripper pole is.

Well, Noah might, if only for the reason that the same evening, her older sister went on to execute a controversial routine on one. Whether a 9-year-old would get the implication or not, she was gonna see it, if she hadn't already (kind of the issue with imitative behavior, after all.) And even if you can dismiss Noah's actions as innocent - and I do - it's rather hard to know why her parents would apparently sign off on a posed shot of Noah and said little friends around said pole, which they then distributed to the media.

Of course, it's been a while since we stopped trying to understand the workings of the Cyrus parents' hive mind: simply put, they seem to be terrible, and irresponsible, in the grand tradition of exploitative stage-parents. Like I said before, maybe we could look the other way on the weird Vanity Fair shot - big city lights and all that - but the adult-sanctioned Lolita stuff had us raising eyebrows, and this is just another nail in the coffin. Writes Cara Lisa Berg Powers on the Wimn blog,

I do, in fact, care what Tish and Billy Ray Cyrus think, because ultimately, it sets a social standard for parents all over the country, who, Spike TV's website speculates, will have their tween children begging them for stripper poles this Christmas...This isn't about girls getting in touch with and developing healthy pride in their own sexuality. This is about calculating adults and corporate entities who profit by shaping tween and teen girl icons into pop culture Lolitas.

Y'know, I think it's time we gave up on the Cyrus parents. Harsh? Maybe. But they're not suddenly going to turn into responsible disciplinarians who make good choices. The girls are kids, yes. As Powers says, it's the parents who are really going to dictate what happens here, and however Miley and Noah turn out, I think it's time to deliver verdict on their guardians: they're bad role models. And hey, no one's giving the House of Mouse a pass here, either: in either an act of colossal ostrich-imitation or a calculated attempt to cash in on the now-inevitable Lolit-ization of their cash cow, they've issued perhaps the most devastating salvo yet: Hanna Montana-brand cherries.

Noah Cyrus POLE DANCING? What? Teen Choice Awards PRE-PARTY [YouTube]
I Don't Care What Miley's Parents Think…[WIMN]
Miley Cyrus' 'Teen Choice' performance sparks debate [LAT]
Hannah Montana's Cherries: Available Everywhere! [DLIsted]
Miley Cyrus' Little Sister, Noah Cyrus, Stripper Pole Party - Photos [Insider]

Earlier: Strip Club Disapproves Of Miley's Crappy Pole-Dancing

• Celebrity hairdresser Andrew Barton says he has experienced a 67% surge in requests for blonde hair products compared to this time last year. Barton believes that women are dying their hair to counteract the gloom of the credit crunch. Which makes absolutely no sense, considering all the expensive touch ups necessary to maintain a blonde hue. • A new study has found that certain chemicals, commonly found in food packaging, upholstery and carpets may reduce women's fertility. • Scientists have begun to investigate a recent drop in the average age of puberty among girls. They believe that the increase in childhood obesity may be a factor, since fat can be a source of estrogen. • New research indicates that losing weight can significantly reduce urinary incontinence among women. • Further evidence that premature birth may be tied to autism: a U.S. study has found that children born more tan three months early are two to three times as likely to show signs of autism. • Front runner for the "most evil man alive" competition, Josef Fritzl, has invited the world's leading psychiatrists to examine him. He says they "should look into the deepest depths of my soul and learn from it for future cases." We find this deeply disturbing. • The so-called breast cancer gene may also indicate a man's likelihood for developing a particularly aggressive form of prostate cancer. • A new poll shows that more than half the respondents, while happy with their homes, would like to live elsewhere. • Here's the latest results from the seemingly endless pile of no-shit studies: circumcisions are twice as likely to be performed in states where Medicaid pays for them as in states where they are not covered. • Encouraged by security improvements throughout he country, thousands of Iraq women are running for local government. • According to the Ministry of Justice, the number of crimes committed in Britain by girls has soared 22% in the past few years. • At South Devon College, students as young as 14 watched a pole dancing demonstration as part of the school's Be Healthy Week. The video of the performance actually does not appear at all sexual, and looks incredibly challenging. • It turns out that UV light-enhanced tooth bleaching is not only ineffective, but is also terrible for your skin. A study also found that the procedure can damage teeth permanently. • Serena Williams has been named the all-time career prize money leader in women's sport, besting golfing legeand Annika Sorenstam. • 

Thanks to the reader who tipped us off to the Flirty Girl Fitness workout system, which allows you to join in the pole dancing workout trend right in your own home. Why waste your time doing unalluring exercises like running or lifting weights when you could be giving your body a makeover with workouts based on "the world’s sexiest dance moves, from music videos, club dancing, even exotic dancing?" Check out the commercial below to learn how you can liberate yourself from non-sexy workouts, or check out their website to order your own pole, feather boa, and lap dance-inspired workouts for just $259.94.

• A poll of British mothers reveals that 16 percent of respondents have a favorite child and 50 percent love both "equally but in different ways." • A claim that steroids may prevent a third of miscarriages raises questions about how normal early miscarriages are for women who are trying to conceive and if they need to be "cured." • A study of young girls and boys reports that boys with conduct and oppositional defiance disorders had lower heart rates and sweated less than boys without those conditions while playing a money-making computer game but girls showed no physiological differences while playing. • Concita de Gregorio appointment as editor-in-chief of one of Italy's most prestigious newspapers, L'Unita, signals the rise of women in the workplace in Italy. • The soccer players of FC de Rakt, an amateur Dutch women's soccer team, all play in short skirts (over hot-pants) because they feel that the look is both more "elegant" and comfortable. • Residents of San Francisco are split over a new proposition that would make prostitution legal in the city: The city's health department backs the proposal but the Mayor and DA say that it will ruin neighborhoods. • An internet advice site about divorces in the UK says that 10% of divorces happen during the second year of marriage and "online divorces" are contributing to a "throwaway" culture. • The "upscale bums" of Beverly Hills benefit from the neighborhood's rich residents but must "act respectful" and not be turned off by the wealthy in order to not get attention from cops. • A judge in Texas has ordered a woman to stop bearing children as part of her 10-year-probation after the woman admitted to not providing care for her 19-month-old daughter after the child was severely beaten by her father. • Computer models that are commonly used by doctors to determine if a woman would benefit from genetic testing for ovarian and breast cancer have underestimated the probability ofAsian women having a genetic mutation that could lead to cancer. • The various relationships between a Saudi woman and her driver all reveal a deep frustration with the inconvenience of not being able to drive themselves. • Why have Crayola crayons removed their old smell from their products? • A trading website for mothers in Australia called Mum Swap encourages free trading (instead of spending) of goods and services from clothes, babysitting, tips, and vacation homes. • High-class escorts in India are sharing in the country's booming economy but they are also evidence of the rising focus on materialism for women in the globalized economy. •

Actually, when searching Nexis for "pole dancing workout" and "men," one discovers that pole-dancing studios and classrooms have a "no men" policy. The women don't want to be gawked at or made to feel uncomfortable, because, you know, wrapping yourself around a metal pole is a totally natural female impulse but private, mmkay?

In the CNN story, a nurse named Cicely Rogers, who goes to PoleLaTeaz in Atlanta says: "I started last August and I've gone down two dress sizes. I've lost 20 pounds and I feel awesome." Learning pole tricks "made me feel better about my body. I used to be nervous about my body and try to hide it. Now I'm a lot more open and confident. I stand up straight and feel good about myself." Would she feel fit and confident if she'd been jogging for a year? Or rowing? Or playing tennis? Or doing yoga?

What is with the obsession with pole dancing? Does the media love an "edgy" story about a housewife getting all sweaty while wrapping her legs around a phallic column because we're all conditioned to love a lady in the street who's a freak in the bed? Or is this just good "reporting" on a "trend" ?

Pole Dancing Helps Strip Off Pounds [CNN]
Earlier: Kim Kardashian's 9-Year-Old Sister Works A Stripper Pole

The founder of the studio is a onetime actress who played a stripper in a movie and found that she not only lost the weight following the birth of her baby but a road map to self-actualization. Her "journey" began there, going from the installation of a pole in her home to setting up studios across the U.S. to instruct women to embrace their inner strippers and celebrate/exploit their sexuality for their own betterment. Pole-dancing as a means to self-discovery? I had my doubts. After the jump, my day as a pole-dancer.

The studio itself is nondescript, except for the boas hanging from the ceiling, and the corsets, stripper shoes, and thigh-highs on display and for sale. The other women look normal and seem nervous: browsing the racks, comparing garter belts, giggling excitedly. Our instructor, a petite African-American woman who looks to be in her 20's, guides us to a dimly-lit room with candles and a bordello-esque red lamp. Yoga mats are arranged in concentric circles. After choosing a place on which to sit, our instructor begins to tell us her story. NYU graduate and former head of a marketing consulting company whose crippling insecurity was solved by stripping, through which she learned to shed both her inhibitions and her clothes.

We learn a little about one another as well: In my class there is a young woman in her 30's going through a divorce who is hoping the class will help her rebuild her confidence; her friend who said she realized she had hit her 30's and wasn't in touch yet with her sexuality; several graduates of Mama Gina's School of Womanly Arts; a woman who says she simply always wanted to try stripping; and of course, me. I tell the class that I work from home and am looking for something to help get me going. "Oh, we'll get you going!" hollers the instructor. The other women join her in applause. This must be what AA feels like.

At last, class begins. We begin the warm-up, which is comprised of standard yoga/dance/Pilates moves... except for the one devoted to slapping our own asses and screaming. The moves are given sexy stripper names and we do a lot of them. One, meant to exercise the abdominals, includes the exhortation to "explore your curves". "Feel your breasts! Feel your neck! Feel your thighs! They are your curves! Love them! You look beautiful!" the instructor encourages. Clearly, the instructor has no idea that I am convinced I am moments from death as I furiously pedal my feet in the air while balanced on my ass only, groping myself all the while, praying I don't tear a hamstring, and wondering how badly I will be mocked on this site if I were to die right here and now. After we're done feeling ourselves up / working our abs, we are instructed to lounge seductively on our sides, our heads propped in our hands. "Every woman looks beautiful in this position," our instructor intones. "Let's take a moment to explore our bodies while in this position. Just close your eyes and focus on your body. She is beautiful. Listen to what she is telling you." I feel like I have stumbled, unwittingly, into The Vagina Monologues.

The instructor then talks us through the ever-important "stripper walk": Right foot over left, drag one foot to meet the other, weight shifting from one hip to the other. "You should look like you've had a few too many to drinkl!" we are told. Then comes the moment we've all been waiting for: The pole. Our instructor approaches it and effortlessly swings herself around it, then does it again, this time breaking down the motions. I break out in a cold sweat. I'm up first. I trip doing my stripper walk, take a preliminary strut around the pole, and then begin my swing. I have lift off! But then I freeze, plop my feet down on the ground, and land standing up dead-straight. "Stick your butt out!" the instructor encourages, "When you stick your butt out, you own it! When you stick your butt out, you always look good!" (A few minutes prior we'd been informed that our breasts should always arrive at the party a few minutes early and our butts a few minutes late.) Now it's time for me to give the pole a second shot. This time I succeed. The instructor gives me a big high five and tells me I will be even better if I only stick my butt out more.

The other women take their turns. The divorcee and her friend who wants to get in touch with her sexuality are naturals. I hate them immediately. This is no different from ballet class, it dawns on me, where your only option is to hate yourself because there are other women in the room and your performance can only be measured in comparison to the others. It all just makes me sad. When the girl who "always wanted to try stripping" takes her turn, for instance, she is less than graceful on the pole itself, but then finishes her trick with an over-exaggerated, RuPaul-esque finish, working her hands up all over her body, wiggling her butt out in a hyper-feminized moment of performance. And though she finishes with the biggest grin on her face and says how amazing it felt, I am not proud for her that she feels good even though she doesn't (none of us do) hold a candle to the divorcee's friend who is tall and blonde and looks like she was born to do this. No, I feel a strange empathetic hurting that she needed to grope herself up in front of strangers to feel beautiful, yet alone accomplished.

The final portion of the class — a cool-down, perhaps? — involves a "dancing" routine: We stripper-walk to a wall, press up against it, stick our butts out, roll our hips, turn around, and then slowly grind our way down the wall until we hit the floor, at which point we get on all fours and do our best "sexy crawl." We do this several times, to music of various tempos. In between sets, the other women start cooing about how liberated they feel. I can't help but feel kinda silly. Who would ever want to see me do this? Despite all the talk of loving my body and being proud for women everywhere, I think that anyone who has ever or would ever want to see me sexually sees me that way because I'm me: Clumsy, geeky and usually outfitted in giant sweaters and leggings. To pretend otherwise isn't empowering, it's just disingenuous. Nor would my female friends would think me a stronger woman. We already support one another, like when someone gets the raise she worked really hard for, or is willing to take a risk and put her heart out on the line, or drops everything to be there for her friends and family. These things make us feel good. And they take courage. Pole dancing? Well, that just takes a skimpier wardrobe.

Shortly after realizing he'd married not Nicole Kidman, but a plastic automaton womb-on-a-mission facsimile of the once oh-so-perky actress, he bolted off to rehab. Where he lay, shivering, his dreams invaded by that massive shiny forehead, those eyebrows that haven't moved since 1995 framing that demented rictus grin.

Oh the horror!

As Keith cowered in an underground bunker in a top secret location somewhere in the Arizona desert, what was left of Nicole paced the decks of her yacht screaming, "MUST. HAVE. SPERM! NEED SPERM! WHERE IS THE SPERM!"

A quick call to ex gay hubby Tom Cruise, and five minutes later, a crack team of gay scientologist commandos swooped on Keith's bunker and whisked him off to the the Yacht of Doom, where he was strapped to a chair and left to await his fate.

Moments later, as if from the depths of hell, the skeletal remains of Nicole Kidman rose jerkily from the deck and began to shambol demonically towards a terrified Keith. What did this evil wraith have in store for him? Eye-gouging? Neck-ripping? Full-blown decapitation?

No! It was worse! Much much worse!

Before his horrified eyes, the corpse that had once been that actress who wasn't all that bad in that film where she played the weather girl, began to......

....pole dance.

Her mouth agape spewing the green bile of Satan, her bony arms flailing with devilish abandon, The Kidman advanced. Slowly. Inexorably. Grasping a penis pump, menacingly.

Anyway, expect happy news any day now.

Nicole Kidman Pole Dances [Daily Mail]