Premsyn PMS, from the 1980s: "Now I'm my old, sweet self again!"



Midol, 1997: Another woman on a couch, promising a return to "being yourself."



Pamprin, 1994: "You're not yourself! Get yourself back together again!"



Here, however, a Pamprin IB commercial from the 80's breaks the "go back to being yourself" trend and promises us an escape from cramps...and what looks to be an inevitable transformation into a werewolf as soon as the clock strikes midnight.



Sadly, not much has changed in PMS advertising, and the "bring yourself back" theme has extended to yeast infection treatments as well. Because one can never really be oneself when one is slowly turning into a werewolf, I suppose.

"It is like living an out of body experience," said Seward, 38, "You just cry and cry, and nothing anyone can do will help. You feel ugly and fat and unattractive ... This hormone just takes over your life." Seward says she experienced irrational behavior, irrational thinking, and mood swings, but couldn't remember anything she'd said or done to her husband John, who eventually decided he had to leave. The separation caused Marie to get her PMS symptoms checked and her doctor prescribed anti-depressants. Six months later, the couple is now back together and planning to renew their vows. "I think a lot of professionals remain unaware of the impact that this condition can have on relationships - and I think that is one of the reasons it is not taken as seriously as it might be," said Nick Panay, chairman of the National Association for Premenstrual Syndrome. [BBC]

First up is a TV spot from the '80s for Always Plus Thin, that has one woman orgasmically exclaiming, "I love thin!"

This '80s Always commercial is advertising the latest innovation in menstruation: Wings.

This is actually a modern tampon ad that's probably one of the best things ever, if only because of the split the cheerleader does, with a full-on crotch shot right in front of the camera. It's for Playtex Sport. (BTW, what the fuck is a "sport" tampon?)

Here's some of that blue liquid for you, circa 1997.

Also from 1997, a Midol ad, in which we learn that "some men think strong opinions are a symptom of PMS."

About 11 years earlier, Midol's advertising was much more science-y.

Another one from the '80s, Premsyn PMS, "for the period before your period before your period."

Here's Courtney Cox in a Tampax in 1985.

From 1981, here's Tampax Plus, with "decorative packaging!"

From 1979, Playtex with deodorant.

This one might be the best of the oldies, since it features the triumvirate of feminine protection ads: Mother, Daughter, and Best Friend.

In this 1981 ad, Brenda Vaccaro managed to land herself a spokesperson deal.

And for shits and giggles, here's the SNL spoof on "Kotex Classic."

Check out this vintage Midol print ad:

From 1974, the copy reads, "Be the you he likes. Good to be around, any day of the month."

And lastly, wouldn't you kill for that futuristic Kotex outfit/box!?

Midol: So Your Boyfriend Won't Dump You [Feministing]
Kotex Gives You Wings [Vintage Ads]

It's only after females begin menstrual function that a gender differential in mood disorders manifests itself. This, coupled with the observation that women appear to be especially vulnerable to mood disturbances during times of hormonal flux, certainly lends support to the claim that a relationship exists between sex hormones and mood.

What Is The Link Between Women's Hormones And Mood Disorders? [Science Daily]

• A new study suggests that birth order does matter and that older sibs typically have a higher IQ than younger ones. This study was done on men, however. Hopefully when a similar study is done on women, the Simpson sisters won't be included and skew the results. [CNN]
  
• No shit! Women with bad PMS don't sleep well — this article is filled with a lot of medical mumbo-jumbo, but let's face it, toe-numbing cramps would keep even a narcoleptic wide awake. [Science Daily]
  
• Do women need their own Home Depot, called Her Depot? Does a fish need a bicycle? [Feministing]
  
• Women are still loath to call themselves feminists. But could the fourth-wave be gaining traction online? [Newsweek]

• Women who get vag nips and tucks to improve their sex lives disturb us. A gigantically exposed clit still is useless if your man can't find it! [MSNBC]
• Women are dying in childbirth at the same rate as they were in 1990, mostly in developing Third World countries. {MSNBC]
• Cancer treatments that save many a breast cancer patient's life may also cause heart disease. [Science Daily]
• Seed therapy, where a small pellet-sized implant is inserted into a suspicious mass, helps doctors pinpoint the location of tumors more exactly, resulting in more precise removals of breast cancer-causing tumors. [Science Daily]

• The current time limit for performing an abortion in the UK is 24 weeks into a pregnancy. A recent study has shown that a substantial number of infants can survive after a 24 week gestation. Pro-life advocates are using this new data to try to lower the limit to 20 weeks. [Telegraph]

• Contrary to what will undoubtedly be tomorrow's breaking health news report, pregnant women should eat fish, despite the mercury risk. [CBSNews]
  
• Police in the UK have turned their attention away from the city pubs where sex slaves are sold on the down low and are now focusing their efforts on suburbia. And people say us city folk are lacking in values... [The Independent]
  
• Talk about a major fuck up. A woman who was told she had breast cancer after a biopsy and then had a double mastectomy found out after the fact that her slide got mixed up with someone else's and she never had cancer to begin with. [ABC News]
  
• While the HPV-strain that causes cervical cancer is only a minor annoyance for men, a leading specialist says that they should still get the HPV-vaccine to help stop the spread of the virus. C'mon guys, they'll give you a lollipop! [Daily Mail]

• The Hummer is headed Down Under and a significant portion of its prospected buyers are women. What the fuck ladies? Just because your country already has a hole in the ozone layer directly above does not mean you should turn your SPF-50'd back on Mother Nature! [News.com.au]
• A new study says that obese women who become pregnant could actually lose a little weight instead of gaining — doing so helps lessen the likelihood of pregnancy related high-blood pressure or having to have a Caesarean. [MSNBC]
• Women are starting businesses at twice the rate of men, but those businesses are also doing, um, quite poorly. Whatever, we sold two dozen of our rhinestoned tampon holders last Christmas, and our mom said that was just awesome. [NY Times]
• The work of female filmmakers in Tunisia may not get many props at home, where women are expected to be in the kitchen and not the editing room, but they're getting loads of acclaim in European and American art houses. Slumber Party Double Feature: Can't Buy Me Love and Bedouin Hacker! We'll bring the popcorn. [Christian Science Monitor]
• Ugh. A 2003 Veterans Administration health care system survey reported that 28 percent of female soldiers experienced at least one sexual assault during military service which, combined with combat trauma, makes them more likely to suffer from PTSD. [NPR]
• On a somewhat related note, more women are entering West Point than ever. Don't say we didn't warn you. [ABC News]
• Scientists have made their first significant genetic discovery for why certain women suffer from severe PMS, otherwise known as premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Whatever, just get us a fucking cure already, you lazy bastards. Jesus! Fuck!!! [Science Daily]