She ended up being featured in the entire calendar, and was initially embarrassed.


But then when she realized that her church congregation appreciated her charitable efforts, she gained a new confidence in her sexuality, which she tried to share with Homer.


The opening credits hinted at what was to come.


But of course, this wasn't the first time Marge bared all.


Her Playboy spread, which came out last month, actually featured some side boob.


And nipples!

•  According to an independent group in Britain, the number of abortions performed on fetuses with Down syndrome has been greatly underrepresented. They claim that doctors, in attempts to protect their patients from further pain, have been classifying abortions performed on fetuses with Down as "social abortions." • Excerpts of Anne Frank's diary were censored out of a school textbook in Lebanon after Hezbollah's Al-Manar television channel ran a report claiming the book promotes Zionism. MP Hussein Hajj Hassan said, "These respected, established schools are teaching the so-called tragedy this girl lived, and yet they are ashamed to teach the tragedy of the Lebanese people, the tragedy of the Palestinian people... the tragedy of the people of the south under the hands of Zionist occupation." • A new study has found that there is a significant gender-based pay gap among US faculty. "Our findings show that women who wish to challenge pay gaps at their own institution need to systematically and quantitatively approach the situation, especially during a time of economic downturn," said the author of the study. •  David Swain has been sentenced to 25 years in prison for the murder of his wife in 1999. Swain was scuba diving in the Caribbean with his wife Shelley Tyre when something went wrong and Tyre was killed. Although local authorities found no evidence of wrongdoing, a British Virgin Islands judge has ruled differently. • Female cancer or multiple sclerosis patients are six times more likely than male patients to be separated or divorced soon after their diagnosis. Researchers said men may leave a sick spouse because they're more hesitant than women to commit to being a caretaker. • Six years ago, Stephen Weston heard about a woman who had been prosecuted for not wearing her seat belt correctly while pregnant. For many women, the cross-body belt is uncomfortable, so Weston decided to solve the problem by developing an alternative belt for expecting mothers. The shoulder harness seat belt will hit the market in 2010. • The New York Times reports on the rising number of female officers in the Iraqi police force. While women were long discouraged from higher positions, many have come to realize that there are certain benefits to having female officers. "Everyone says men are able to do everything, but that's not true," said Lieutenant Farah Hameed. "In investigations, especially with women, women use their compassion with victims to get them to answer questions clearly." •  A recent study shows that yo-yo dieting may be more like drug addiction than previously believed. Researchers put a group of rats on "diet-cycles," and they found that after going without food, the rats suffered anxiety, and the deprivation effected the same stress symptom that kicks in during drug withdrawal. • Women are getting involved in Mexican drug trafficking in greater numbers and many are being jailed or killed. More women are becoming addicts, turning to dealing as a better alternative to prostitution, or being forced to smuggle drugs through military checkpoints by male family members. •  Prosecutors have offered former astronaut Lisa Nowak a plea deal. Nowak is accused of stalking and assaulting Air Force Capt. Colleen Shipman, who was dating Nowak's ex-boyfriend. •  Wanna be happy for the rest of your life? Move West, young woman. Apparently, people are happiest in the Mountain states and on the West Coast, due mainly to the high concentration of wealth, education, and tolerance. • While experts believe that postpartum depression is still severely under-reported, there are several new programs that offer support and aid to women suffering from PPD. UNC has a particularly good program, which features a small postpartum inpatient unit. • In the next 10 years women are expected to become the majority of unionized workers, according to a report from the Center for Economic and Policy Research. "When you have a majority of women in the labor movement, issues like work-family balance, paid sick days and paid parental leave become more important," said economist John Schmitt. • "Weight-watchers everywhere can breathe a sigh of relief. Contrary to their image as slim models of restraint, French women, it seems, really do get fat," begins this article, on rising obesity rates in France. It's a good thing Mireille Guilano has a new shtick. • Some are calling for the website celebrityaddressaerial.com to be shut down after it was revealed that the people who allegedly robbed Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Orlando Bloom, used the site to gather information on their targets. The site, which lists the addresses and aerial photos of hundreds of celebrity homes, contains information that could be found on sites like TMZ and Google Maps in a more easily searchable format. • A new fiction genre described as "Beatrix Potter meets the Kray Brothers" or "Pulp Fiction meets Wind in the Willows" involves animals, or even dinosaurs, in gritty detective stories. • In an interview with a British journalist who says she dreamed of being a Playboy Bunny as a child, Hugh Hefner says, "My younger brother and I were raised in a home in Chicago with no real affection; we knew we were loved, but there was no display of affection. I think that my quest for romantic love and the adventure of romantic love was filling the space that was left because I didn't get the affection when I was young." • In this security video a woman on a Boston subway platform who appears drunk falls onto the tracks. People wave at an oncoming train to stop, the driver breaks, and the car comes to a stop inches away from killing her. •

Lucy Davies of the Telegraph interviewed Hef in advance of the publication of his autobiography, and her article focuses heavily on his early life in Chicago. She describes a number of Rockwellesque scenes: "we see him haunting newsstands, devouring comics; lying on his bedroom floor scratching out his own versions of Jekyll & Hyde for his friends" and "he is charming on the subject of his childhood, sprinkling the story with a confection of period detail: soda fountains and hayrides; ping-pong in the basement; girls named Candy and Betty who he tried to impress by jitterbugging in his 'red flannel shirts, yellow corduroy pants and saddle shoes.'" But all was not sweetness and light! Hefner says he grew up in "a very typical, conservative, puritan home… [where he] wasn't getting many hugs and kisses." And indeed, he frames his creation of the Playboy brand as a reaction to a culture that wasn't hugging him enough. Of his early moviegoing experiences, he tells Davies,

In that darkened theatre all things were possible: I escaped into wonderful dreams of adventure and romance. But the Hays Code [strict censorship guidelines governing moral standards in film introduced by Will Hays in 1930] destroyed all that. Eventually even the married couples on screen slept in twin beds. I was very connected to that kind of repression early on.

And when he was thinking of creating Playboy, he says,

I looked back on the roaring Twenties, with its jazz, Great Gatsby and the pre-Code films as a party I had somehow managed to miss. After World War Two, I expected something similar; a return to the period after the first war, but when the skirt lengths went down instead of up I knew we were in big trouble. It turned out to be a very conservative, serious period – socially, sexually and politically.

Hefner's not without a point here — a culture of sexual repression is bad for everyone involved. But it's telling that he chooses to figure this repression in terms of skirt lengths. Brooks Barnes of the New York Times notes Hefner's commitment to the pro-choice cause and the Equal Rights Amendment, and these shouldn't be discounted. But sexual freedom for Hefner is still largely the freedom of men to look at women, and this is a pretty narrow view both of human sexuality and of how to combat repression. I'm firmly in favor of the right of women to wear short skirts, but the fact that dudes can see our legs doesn't necessarily mean we're sexually fulfilled, and the existence of a soft-core men's porn mag doesn't really do much for women.

Davies's inclusion of Hefner's first editor's letter in Playboy drives this point home, as well as reminding us of how poorly, in some ways, Playboy has aged. The letter reads, "If you're a man between the ages of 18 and 80, Playboy is meant for you" — Hefner himself now falls outside his original target audience. The letter continues through some hilarious use of the second person — "We like our apartment" — to the famous and now self-parodic-sounding statement, "We enjoy mixing up cocktails and an hors d'oeuvre or two, putting a little mood music on the phonograph and inviting in a female acquaintance for a quiet discussion on Picasso, Nietzsche, jazz, sex." Davies calls this bohemian act "delightfully hammy," until you get to this: "If you're somebody's sister, wife or mother-in-law and picked us up by mistake, please pass us along to the man in your life and get back to your Ladies Home Companion." Ouch — a "female acquaintance" may be good for a discussion of "Picasso, Nietzsche, jazz, sex," but she better not pick up the publication that aims to teach men how to talk about these things. Instead, she should stick to her ladymags.

It's tempting to say, especially after reading Barnes's Times article (with its unbeatable title, "The Loin in Winter"), that Hefner's reign is over. Barnes writes that Playboy Enterprises "said earlier this year that it would consider acquisition offers, something that was believed to be unthinkable while Mr. Hefner was still alive." He also points out that Hefner's ex-girlfriends have embarrassed him by publicly calling him a "control freak" — and while some will always take a "yeah, bra!" attitude to the 83-year-old's "relationships" with ever-younger women, to many these dalliances are beginning to seem ridiculous. Barnes's funniest criticism is of the Playboy Mansion itself, whose game room apparently "smell[s] musty," and whose grotto is now "like a fetid zoo exhibit."

But while Hefner-bashing offers some schadenfreude-y fun, the man did popularize a cultural attitude with disturbing staying power: the idea that a woman's sexual availability is the same as sexual liberation. Again, Hefner deserves praise for his support of actual feminist causes. But when he describes his magazine as a response to "repression," he conflates male desire with social freedom, a conflation that's now so totally ingrained that Ariel Levy wrote a book about it, and women everywhere live with it every day. I'm not against porn directed at men, as long as the women involved consent. But I am against pretending that making such porn and distributing it to a wide audience — as Barnes writes, Hefner "essentially did for sex what Ray Kroc did for roadside food: clean it up for a rising middle class" — is somehow empowering for everybody, and that pretense is Hefner's biggest "legacy." Hefner tells Barnes, "We just literally live in a very different world and I played a part in making it that way. Young people have no idea about that." Unfortunately, I do.

Hugh Hefner: Interview On Playboy [Telegraph]
The Loin In Winter: Hefner Reflects, And Grins [NYT]

According to Michael Winerip of the Times, Hefner fille is a mover and shaker among Illinois Democrats, having donated $201,000 to Democratic causes over the years. She apparently got Barack Obama to speak at the 2005 Magazine Publishers of America conference, and Gloria Steinem invited her to be on the board of Voters for Choice. Victor Navasky, the former Nation editor who recently tried to recruit Hefner as the publisher of the Columbia Journalism Review, says,

She's certainly a liberal feminist and a liberal Democrat. People would say, ‘so what's she doing putting out a magazine and running clubs catering to horny men?' But she found a way to make it work consistent with her values, to serve Playboy and her father and give them an opportunity to do socially useful things.

But it's hard not to see Christie Hefner's position at the head of her dad's sex empire as a little creepy. While he dated women half her age (she's 52), she rebuilt his business. It was in shambles when she asked to take over in 1982, and, she reports, "Hef said, ‘I felt like I had this incredible birthday party and you had to come in and clean up the day after.'" Cleaning up after your dad's birthday party — especially a dad whom you call "Hef" — doesn't seem like the most empowering career.

Then there's the issue of hard-core porn. Winerip writes, "while Hef bragged about not crossing the line into hard porn, she did, buying Spice TV and Club Jenna and defending the move as business." Ann Bartow of Feminist Law Professors questions whether Spice TV is really "consistent with Christie Hefner's values," and if so, how feminist those values can really be. The answer to this depends on what you think about porn, but it is worth noting that Playboy Enterprises represents a very corporate end of the porn spectrum. Annie Sprinkle they are not.

But Hefner's "values" may be a whole lot simpler than the can-porn-be-feminist debate implies. The words "networking" and "networker" appear over and over in Winerip's article, and it's clear that Hefner has been very successful in making powerful friends. Her job tidying up after her pajama-clad, twin-banging dad may not be particularly enviable, but she's leveraged it to create a high-profile political and entrepreneurial platform. She's appeared on CNN, Fox, and CNBC, she'll be working with Navasky to create a for-profit arm of the Columbia Journalism Review, and she's collaborating with Canyon Ranch on a line of health products. Whether or not she's a feminist, she's certainly doing well for herself.

Winerip's emphasis on this success makes his profile kind of depressing. Bartow goes a little far when she calls it "sycophantic," but it's certainly not critical, and Winerip takes claims of Hefner's feminism at pretty much face value. It's popular lately to claim that any woman who is very successful is somehow a feminist icon (The Onion skewered a similar sentiment in the classic "Women Now Empowered By Everything A Woman Does"). But doing well as a woman doesn't necessarily mean you're doing good for women. Hefner may support liberal causes in her personal life, but where her business is concerned, it seems like her most important "values" are monetary ones.

No Silk Jammies For Her [NYT]
The NYT Adulates Christie Hefner, Delicately Refrains From Substantively Mentioning The Hardcore Porn That Generates Most Of Playboy's Revenues [Feminist Law Professors]

• Oh Christ: Jennifer Aniston "burst into tears in her trailer" while filming in New York.

The "unlucky-in-love actress" was late coming out of her trailer while filming The Bounty a few weeks ago, and allegedly tearfully said to an assistant: "I need a moment. This scene reminds me of Brad and me." A source says: "While she enjoyed flirting with Gerard on set and put a brave face on every day, privately she is still very fragile." Eyeroll! (Note: Her rep says this story is "ridiculous… it never happened.") [Page Six]

• By the by, Jennifer Aniston went to see Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig in A Steady Rain on Broadway on Tuesday. [Gatecrasher]
• Samantha Burke, who had a dalliance with Jude Law, gave birth yesterday in Florida. [Page Six]
• What the what? Renée Zellweger is not going to gain a bunch of weight for the third Bridget Jones flick? A source says she will wear a fat suit, out of concern about the health effects of quickly putting and then losing 30 lbs. [MSNBC]
• Katherine Heigl made the news of her adoption public the same day Ellen Pompeo gave birth to a daughter of her own, and a source says: "It looks like they were trying to one-up one another." There's something very Penelope about this: "Well my kid was born earlier than yours, and is already at Harvard, so…" [Page Six]
• John Travolta took the stand yesterday, admitting that his son Jett was autistic and suffered from a seizure disorder — having seizures every five to 10 days. [MSNBC]
• Travolta also said that the ambulance took 40 minutes to reach his son, and by the time his son got to the emergency room, he was not alive. [NY Post]
• The alleged extortionists in the John Travolta case have been caught on video haggling over money; their lawyers will try to get the videotape thrown out of court on the grounds it was illegally recorded. [TMZ]
• Lily Allen: Quitting the music biz. She blogged: "Just so you know, I have not renegotiated my record contract and have no plans to make another record (applause). I do however remain a fan of new music, so this is not some selfish crusade. The days of me making money from recording music has been and gone as far as I'm concerned, so I don't (at this point) stand to profit from legislation… If you can't sell your music, you can't go on. It's that simple." [Digital Spy]
• Lily Allen will concentrate on acting; she will be in a production of Neil LaBute's play Reasons To Be Pretty in London's West End. [Daily Mail]
• Photos of Kelly Bensimon will be in Playboy. A source says: "Kelly is telling everyone that she might be on the cover." The snaps were taken years ago by Kelly's ex, Gilles Bensimon, but a source says: "They're sexy, but they won't set the world on fire." [Page Six]
• Mackenzie Phillips has revealed shocking details of her relationship with her father, and John Phillips' ex wife, Michelle Phillips (who was in the Mamas & The Papas), says: "Mackenzie has a lot of mental illness. She's had a needle stuck up her arm for 35 years. She was arrested for heroin and coke just recently… The whole thing is timed. Mackenzie is jealous of her siblings, who have accomplished a lot and did not become drug addicts." But Michelle Phillips daughter, Chynna Phillips, who is Mackenzie's half sister, says: "After long nights of heroin use, (Mackenzie is) claiming that she once woke up and that my father was on top of her having sex with her. Was he actually raping her? I don't know. Do I believe that they had an incestuous relationship and that it went on for 10 years? Yes." [MSNBC]
• Christina Aguilera recently traveled to Guatemala with the World Food Programme to see the impact of hunger; . Guatemala has the fourth highest child malnutrition rate in the world. Christina says: "WFP urgently needs donations to keep feeding some 150,000  women and undernourished children – I want to raise awareness and open people's eyes so they can get the funds they need to keep on working… One of the biggest lessons I'm taking away from this trip is the importance of healthy food. If a child under two doesn't get the nutrients they need, we can never fix the damage later on." [WFP]
• Kirsten Dunst will testify today against a man accused of burglarizing her hotel room. [NY Daily News]
• Kanye West is being prosecuted for breaking a paparazzi's camera at LAX last September; last Friday, his lawyer went to the judge and pushed back the hearing until late October. Is he still trying to keep a low profile? [TMZ]
• Hmm: Kanye West has posted a video promoting his "Fame Kills" tour with Lady Gaga. So maybe the tour is on after all. [KanyeUniverseCity]
• "First new Michael Jackson song set for release; posthumous single 'This Is It' to hit airwaves" [Gatecrasher]
• Macy Gray was eliminated from Dancing With The Stars and was too distraught to go on Jimmy Kimmel Live afterward, like most eliminated contestants do. Her partner, Jonathan Roberts says: "She put her whole heart into the show. She feels like she let her fans down." [ET]
• Real NYU students find Gossip Girl's version of NYU laughable. [NY Post]
• Robert Rodriguez and Rose McGowan: Still on. [Page Six]
• Eva Longoria Parker says she wants to go back to school and enroll in a master's program in Chicano studies and political science to learn more about her Mexican roots. She's a Texas native, but her family is originally from the northern Mexican city of Monterrey. [AP]
• In the Anna Nicole Smith case, search warrant affidavits suggest Howard K. Stern put his name on prescriptions for drugs that were given to Smith, and claim that a total of 44 different medications were prescribed for Smith under a number of other names, including Stern's. [NY Post]
• Remember how Suzanne Somers said that Patrick Swayze should have fought his cancer "nutritionally"? Whoopi Goldberg didn't like that, and says: "Patrick did everything and went everywhere to try and stay healthy as long as he could. That he's been gone a week and this statement came out is bad timing and bad taste and Suzanne, you should know better." Now Suzanne says: "In a casual conversation at a private party (with someone who never identified himself as a reporter) at the Toronto Film Festival last week, I was asked about this beloved actor. It was never my intention to make an official statement about his passing. I was not informed or aware I was being interviewed. I would never have been so insensitive as to offer a public statement so close to his untimely passing. I sincerely apologize if my comment has caused any additional pain to his family during this difficult time. I send my deepest condolences for their loss." [Perez]
• Unsolicited uterus update: Jennifer Jason Leigh is pregnant; she and director husband Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale) are expecting a baby in March. [ONTD via National Enquirer]
• Michael Moore stirred up trouble on Good Morning America yesterday, exposing the stripped rights of permalancers. [NY Post]
• Survivor winner Richard Hatch was denied his request to serve the remaining weeks of his sentence for tax evasion in home confinement. He'll have to stay in jail. [USA Today]
• "Phyllida Law, mother of the actress Emma Thompson, has had her stolen gargoyles returned two years after they were stolen after announcing she had put a curse on the thieves." [Telegraph]
• Q: How traumatic is it for you to not be wearing tights and poofy britches?
  A: "It's very easy. I do miss sliding off the back of a horse, but apart from that it's all good. It's actually rather wonderful running around, blazing a Glock on my hip." — Joseph Fiennes on his new show, FlashForward. [Washington Post]
• "I'm a bit scared of being single and scared of getting into another relationship, but I'm married to my work right now." — Natalie Imbruglia, who split from husband Daniel Johns in January 2008. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• "I took a couple years off and, during that time, I felt like I wanted to know what was important to me, what I really loved and what I was interested in. And if I even wanted to make films anymore. I felt I had done what I had to do. I contemplated being a hermit. I went to a distant mountain top that you could only walk to. No electricity. No water. I spent about five days there and thought, 'This is fantastic. Maybe I am a hermit.' " — Jane Campion, on life after her 2003 film In The Cut, which critics panned. [USA Today]
• "Once I got the part, I did some work with a coach. Everybody else in the show is doing a modern Southern accent and I wanted something old-fashioned. There are no contractions. Bill never says can't or won't. It's always, 'I did not want you to do that,' which is funny because you then find yourself doing it in everyday life, saying things like, 'I cannot stand pains aux raisins.'" — Stephen Moyer on his True Blood character. [Telegraph]
• "I am fine — happy and healthy. It's irresponsible when people obsess about my shape and size. I appreciate there are young girls and women who look at me as a role model and it is untrue to say I do not eat and I am unhealthy. 'I have a healthy diet, a healthy lifestyle and plenty of energy to run after my three energetic boys and travel the world managing my fashion business." — Victoria Beckham. [Daily Mail]
• "We did have a few moments of friction when we were tired or after a long day of shooting. [Jennifer Grey] seemed particularly emotional, sometimes bursting into tears if someone criticized her. Other times, she slipped into silly moods, forcing us to do scenes over and over again when she'd start laughing. I was on overdrive for the whole shoot - staying up all night to do rewrites, squeezing in dance rehearsals, shooting various scenes - and was exhausted a lot of the time. I didn't have a whole lot of patience for doing multiple retakes. It was horrifyingly, hypothermically cold in that lake, and we filmed that scene over and over. And despite the fact that Jennifer was very light, when you're lifting someone in water, even the skinniest little girl can feel like 500 pounds." — Memories of making Dirty Dancing, from Patrick Swayze's memoir. [Gatecrasher]

• Heidi Montag's Playboy shoot: Not that X-Rated. Sources say the mag had strict instructions when photographing her:

"No nipples, no vagina, no ass." Guess that's where she keeps her good Christian values? [TMZ]

• Madonna has signed on to appear as a mentor in the new season of UK reality show X Factor. Also guest starring: Robbie Williams, Whitney Houston and Rihanna. [Telegraph]
• Kate Hudson is dating Alex Rodriguez and Friday Night Lights actress Minka Kelly is dating A-Rod rival Derek Jeter. Word is: "Things between the two photogenic actresses are frostier than the new stadium's $9 beer." [Page Six]
• Mary-Kate and Ashley: Double-dating, chain smoking, tickling. [Page Six]
• Seth MacFarlane says Family Guy's Stewie is gay. "We had an episode that went all the way to the script phase in which Stewie does come out. It had to do with the harassment he took from other kids at school. He ends up going back in time to prevent a passage in Leviticus from being written: 'Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. It is an abomination.' But we decided it's better to keep it vague, which makes more sense because he's a 1-year-old. Ultimately, Stewie will be gay or a very unhappy repressed heterosexual. It also explains why he's so hellbent on killing [his mother, Lois] and taking over the world: He has a lot of aggression, which comes from confusion and uncertainty about his orientation." [Gatecrasher]
• When Kourtney Kardashian says she is "so shocked" by her pregnancy, you've got to wonder what she means: She knows how to get knocked up, right? Anyways, she says: We were in the Everglades and I kept feeling nauseous and sick. I just kept thinking something wasn't right. I went to the doctor and he confirmed the news. I was just so shocked." Kourtney has not revealed who impregnated her, but in the past she was linked to skateboarder Scott Disick, whose website notes: "As for girls, he was known as being able to manipulate them into anything." [People]
• Anna Faris and Chris Pratt: Married. And it happened it Bali on July 9. As you'll recall, they were seen on what was thought to be a wedding trip in Hawaii in late July, then her rep said it wasn't true that they'd gotten hitched in Hawaii. Which wasn't exactly a lie. [People]
• Kate Gosselin on Jon Gosselin's relationship(s): "It is hurtful. Very hurtful. To be very honest, the most hurtful part is when his decisions directly affect our children. That's the hardest part for me." [MSNBC Scoop]
• Michael Jackson's "Will You Be There" will be remade with John Mayer, Lionel Richie, Whitney Houston, Usher, Dionne Warwick, Wyclef and Jermaine Jackson. Larry King's wife Shawn is spearheading the tribute, which will either be awesome or awful. [TMZ]
• …And Shawn King has just pulled out of a duet with Jermaine Jackson she was supposed to do in Vienna. [Page Six]
• Jennie Garth basically confirms that Robert Pattinson is dating Kristen Stewart by saying, "I can't say [which New Moon costar] …but he is dating one of them!" Oh man, it's Buff Werewolf, isn't it? Remember when they held hands? [Gatecrasher]
• "David Beckham disappoints Chelsea and Tottenham by insisting AC Milan is most likely destination for England star." [Daily Mail]
• "Beckhams set to swap LA for Italy?" [Mirror]
• Is Denzel Washington — like so many other Hollywood types — looking to make a living in TV? He's considering an executive producer role on a cop drama called Billy Stiles, written by Virgil Williams, who has penned scripts for 24 and ER. [Reuters]
• Kendra Wilkinson and Hank Baskett: Expecting a boy.
  "Whether this little guy is a jock or not, he's definitely going to be a mama's boy," Kendra says. "And there's no doubt he's gonna be a handsome one … just look at his dad!" [People]
• Rebecca Romijn is giving husband Jerry O'Connell diaper duty while she works on new show Eastwick. This column calls him Mr. Mom, but shouldn't it just be "Dad"? [People]
• Glenn Close used to be in Up With People?!?!? [Page Six]
• Michael Douglas has released a statement regarding his son, Cameron, being busted for meth and thrown in jail for heroin: "The family is devastated and very disappointed in Cameron's recent behavior. Any family who has dealt with substance abuse knows how devastating it can be." [People, NY Daily News]
• "A New York City judge says a jury can decide whether the author of a best-selling book about the death of Playboy playmate Anna Nicole Smith defamed her lawyer by calling him a pimp." [USA Today]
• "Anna Nicole Smith pal Howard K. Stern wins OK to sue writer for libel over gay sex video tale" [NY Daily News]
• Mickey Rourke is not impressed when you "make it rain" in the club. [Page Six]
• "Jon Hamm and Jennifer Westfeldt are ready to take on Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell for the title of Longest Dating (and Unmarried) Couple." [Gatecrasher]
• Acting legend Charles Dance, whom you may have seen in Gosford Park, says Paris Hilton's British Best Friend series is "a show for airheads, starring an airhead." Her show is bumping his university drama, Trinity. [The Sun]
• Paul Giamatti will replace Sean Penn as Larry in the Three Stooges movie. Benecio Del Toro will play Moe, and Curly has yet to be cast. [NY Daily News]
• Kim Basinger may play Zac Efron's mom in The Death and Life of Charlie St. Cloud, a flick about a grieving family. [Variety]
• Bachelorette Jillian Harris stands by Ed Swiderski, but other continue to women talk about how shady he is, blah blah blah. [MSNBC]
• Blind item! "Which scorned reality star is in talks with a major R&B singer to have a faux relationship - just to improve her image?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Today some people in traffic tried to sell me a baby. A live human baby. I didn't know what to say. I said a little prayer for the kid. Wow. It all happend so fast. I was trying to figure out if they were serious, and i think when my reaction was not a good one, they just took off. I mean look. Chances are they were joking. The scary part is i really couldn't tell. Maybe i'm just one gullable fool (sic)." — Joel Madden, via Twitter. [News.com.au]
• "Ran into the people that tried to sell me their baby today on melrose.Told me to tell you all they were joking. I thought 10k was a bit high." — Joel Madden. [Twitter]
• "I learned 30 pages of dialogue in German and English and went to the audition dressed like the character. I killed it. I did everything except sleep with the director to get that part" — Diane Kruger, to Playboy on landing her role in Inglourious Basterds. [Page Six]
• "I got stuck being searched in Toronto, and she waited for me. I totally wasn't expecting to see her when I got through my Toronto search, and she was there, patiently waiting. Some people wouldn't have waited. That's all I'm saying." —Eric Bana on The Time Traveler's Wife costar Rachel McAdams. [USA Today]
• "What was I gonna do? I was worried about you. What if you'd been sent to jail or something and I had to alert the studio?" — Rachel McAdams to Eric Bana. [USA Today]
• "You know, in the old days it was very difficult to make movies 'cause you had to have 35 millimeter cameras, which were phenomenally expensive. Or you had to have rich parents that could send you to film school. Nowadays, anybody, any kid or young person with a desire to make films ... (has) access to this equipment. You have great video cameras and the quality's fantastic. You can make soundtracks and do visual effects. You can do very competent computer effects quite easily. There are no excuses anymore. If people really want to make movies, they can go out and do it. And I think we're going see in the next 20 or 30 years a real influx of creativity to the world of entertainment because I believe a lot in the young generation coming along ... the pop culture generation who now can grab these cameras and go make films with them." — director Peter Jackson. [Reuters]
• "I definitely got doughy. I started eating like crazy and drinking dark beer. Between meals on set, I'd eat a No. 1 Value Meal at McDonald's and then Doritos on top of it. It was absolute heaven." — Matt Damon, on gaining weight for his role in The Informant. [Gatecrasher]

• Spencer Pratt says that when he did the Today show, he thought that Al Roker was a "fan" "off the street." And! Heidi Montag's command for Al Roker?

"Please do not be rude to women in the future. Please do not be rude to me. Please watch your tone, especially if you have a mother or a wife or a daughter. I don't think that they would appreciate you talking to them like that." Ugh. Seriously? Anyway, Al Roker, Heidi forgives you. [Us Magazine]

• Al Roker's Twitter reads: "Heidi and Spencer are an interesting couple. famous for...being infamous. Bad and vacuous behavior. I think we're at minute 11 of their 15." And! "Amazed at the fact that Ann Curry had an terrific interview w/ Benjamin Netanyahu but what gets picked up is my goofy interview w/ Speidi." Good point. [Gatecrasher]
• Madonna calls her new adopted daughter on the phone every night. [The Sun]
• Remember that voicemail Alec Baldwin left for his daughter? The one in which he called her a "rude little pig" who needed to have her "ass straightened out"? After the message leaked, Baldwin considered killing himself, he tells Playboy: "I spoke to a lot of professionals, who helped me… If I committed suicide, [Kim Basinger's side] would have considered that a victory. Destroying me was their avowed goal." [People]
• A source says that when Lindsay Lohan was at a photo shoot in London, she "kept going on about the jewels, asking if she could have them." Later? They went missing. [MSNBC]
• Look! Lindsay Lohan with a pregnant belly. It's for that flick, Labor Pains, which will air on ABC Family July 19. [EW]
• Lindsay Lohan: Spotted at a club "not acting normal." [Page Six]
• Words you never really thought you would read: Katie Holmes is taping her guest appearance for So You Think You Can Dance today. [Us Magazine]
• Teyona Taylor, who was with Chris Brown at the Lakers/Magic game on Sunday, says Chris Brown did not use her for a PR stunt. As for looking like Rihanna, she says: "I've always dressed like that. I've always had style ... I've had that Mohawk now for months." [TMZ]
• Chris Brown being out and about — instead of keeping a low profile — is part of his "strategy." [TMZ]
• David Letterman apologized again for the joke that involved Sarah Palin and her daughters. [NY Times, TV Week]
• Oh, look: A Fire David Letterman campaign. And a protest. [NY Daily News]
• Jeff Foxworthy on David Letterman: "I don't think any kind of joke about someone having sex with a teenage girl is funny." [CNN]
• BREAKING: Sarah Palin has accepted David Letterman's apology. [AP]
• If you're still interested in Carrie Prejean, here's a story about how she's "considering legal action" against the Miss California USA pageant and how her book deal may have been one of the reasons she was fired. [Radar Online]
• This report claims that the pageant threatened to sue Carrie Prejean, for her "churlish insolent misbehavior." [TMZ]
• David and Victoria Beckham have received a High Court apology from their former nanny, who gave an interview to the News Of The World after she resigned and spilled all kind of private information. [BBC News]
• Bad news for Patrick Swayze: A&E's series The Beast has been canceled. [NY Times]
• Why hasn't Mischa Barton been at any of the promotional events for her new model show, The Beautiful Life? Weird, right? [Pop Wrap]
• Peaches Geldof is being linked to an L.A. stylist named Sandra S. This paper takes it as a sign "she may be off men for good." [The Sun]
• Adrien Grenier and Twilight's Ashley Greene: It's on. [Page Six]
• Gerard Butler and designer Rachel Roy? Getting cozy? [Page Six]
• Steven Spielberg and Noah Wyle are working on an alien-invasion TV series for TNT that sounds kinda like V. [EW]
• Natalie Portman is in talks to star in a supernatural thriller set in the world of New York City ballet (?!?!) directed by Darren Aronofsky, of The Wrestler and Requiem For A Dream. Intriguing! [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Leonardo DiCaprio will star in a flick about Costa Rica-based online casinos, written by the guys who did Ocean's Thirteen and Rounders. [The Hollywood Reporter]
• Wow. A documentary chronicling Tilda Swinton as she bikes along what used to be the Berlin Wall. Sign us up! [Reuters]
• What the world needs now: R. Kelly will make his first trip to Africa and perform at the Arise Africa Fashion Awards gala in Johannesburg, South Africa. [WWD]
• "Artie Lange won't be appearing on Conan O'Brien's Tonight Show anytime soon: Producers think Howard Stern's sidekick isn't sober enough to perform." [Gatecrasher]
• Ignore any rumors you may have heard about Stephen Baldwin's house being in foreclosure, says Stephen Baldwin's rep. [People]
• As previously mentioned, Scott Weiland's wife is writing a book about their marriage's ups and downs; Scott Weiland says: "My love for her will never end. We just forgot how to be friends. She has now chosen a public career and one that brings both accolades and public scrutiny. There will be more of this sort of thing to deal with as time goes by... both good and bad. Divorce is hell..." [ONTD via All Headline News]
• Hulk Hogan's accusing estranged wife Linda of spending her $40k a month alimony on drugs. Stay classy you guys. [TMZ]
• Michael Strahan and Nicole (ex wife of Eddie) Murphy: Engaged. [People]
• Chim chim-in-ey, chim chim-in-ey, chim chim cher-ee! Dick Van Dyke is writing a memoir. [Yahoo News via AP]
• Blind item! "Which male music diva kicked a billionaire out of his house - just because he put his dirty feet on a pristine white couch?" [Gatecrasher]
• "Even the people that were shovelling bodies into gas chambers would say 'we're just obeying orders'... you've got to accept responsibility for what you're doing. If your actions as an individual are directly having a negative effect on someone else's life then you can't say 'I'm just doing my job.'" — Pete Doherty on the paparazzi (yes, he's comparing them to Nazi concentration camp guards.) [Mirror]
• "There is a period once you finish a guy — a character — when you're looking to go back to yourself and sometimes it can manifest itself in illness. After I made The Libertine, I was in bed for two weeks. When you're working, you don't get sick, then suddenly it hits you like a two-by-four." — Johnny Depp. [MSNBC via Contact Music]
• "After I was cast and I realized my body would be exposed all the time, I went out and bought some shorts - I owned none - to help me get used to it. You stop thinking, Do I look weird at this angle? I've learned to feel comfortable wearing very little. It's liberating! …I love being barefoot. I'm not going to lie - I love my high heels, too, so I'm completely bipolar in that regard." — Anna Paquin, on exposing herself in True Blood. [Gatecrasher via Self Magazine]
• "When I read the script, I said to myself, ‘OK, well, you're turning 50 this year and you're really heading into the eye of the storm with this one. Then I was working too hard to really think about what was happening. [My birthday] kind of came and went and it wasn't a big deal. Honestly, it was a huge relief when it was over because you realize nothing changes." — Michelle Pfeiffer, on playing a french prostitute in Cheri. [WWD]
• "I had booby stickers on. If I'd been actually topless, I would have sued someone… I know who, and I never did anything about it. It's her karma to deal with, not mine." — Megan Fox, on leaked nude pix. [NY Daily News]

I can't tell if her idea of what's appropriate is so skewed from having to live at the Playboy Mansion, hanging out with Hef and James Caan and all his other aging perv friends, for so long, or if this is her way of testing the Basketts' acceptance of who she is. Actually, it's probably the former.

• Guess who is going to have to face her abuser and testify? Rihanna:

Prosecutors have subpoenaed the singer to appear in court in Chris Brown's assault case on June 22, and she is now legally required to answer questions about what happened. [People]

• Kanye West and Amber Rose may have broken up, but they are certainly still spending a lot of time together. Reunited and it feels so good? [Page Six]
• OMG: Judge Judy has beat Oprah as the highest rated show in daytime! It must have been the Comic Confrontations that pushed JJ over the edge. [Perez]
• After six months of bliss, Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt have split. [ET]
• This report claims that Paris dumped Doug, who later showed up at her house "distraught." [Perez]
• Paris Hilton's rep says they remain friends and please respect their privacy blah blah blah. We'll always have Cannes! [People]
• Britney Spears is gonna get $11,500 from ex-boyfriend Adnan Ghalib — to cover legal fees incurred by getting a restraining order against the photographer. [Radar Online]
• Meanwhile, Britney and K-Fed have reached a new custody agreement and Brit gets the kids more than 50% of the time while she is on tour. Progress! [TMZ]
• Click here for super-cute banter between Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock. Like this exchange on how fame changes you:
  Reynolds: Fame only amplifies a certain disposition.
  Bullock: I agree. Unless you're a child in the industry and that's all you know. That's a sad, sad thing.
  Reynolds: There's nothing worse than hearing a 6-year-old demand Voss water. I've seen it. [People]
• This was in Midweek Madness, but here it is again: Madonna will meet Jesus' family. And no, they are not named Mary and Joseph. [MSNBC Scoop]
• Speaking of all things holy, Madonna will hold two shows in Israel — September 1 and 2. [UPI]
• Katie Holmes has been attending dance studios in Hollywood lately. Why? She wants to make a special appearance on So You Think You Can Dance? [Perez]
• Hugh Hefner: "really happy" to learn that Kendra is pregnant. [People]
• Carrie Prejean claims that the Miss California USA people wanted her to do Playboy, but she wouldn't. They also wanted her to be on I'm A Celebrity…Get Me Out Of Here. Sigh. [TMZ]
• Contrary to the reports in all the weekly tabs, Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz deny that their marriage is on the rocks. [Mirror]
• "Secrets" about the cast of Twilight include the fact that Kristen Stewart can play guitar, Robert Pattinson and Kristen have chemistry on screen and off, and Rob and Kristen both play guitar and sing. [People]
• Whoa, Joy Behar is getting her own show on HLN (formerly Headline News). It will aire at 9 p.m. and start in September, as a "topical and fun" talk show: "It's not going to be dry, I hope, because I'm crazy," Joy says. [NY Times]
• BMW: The exclusive sponsor of the season three premiere of Mad Men, which will be aired with limited commercial interruption. Exciting! Not that we can afford Beemers! But we can look at a picture of a cute one, and think about Don Draper. [Brandweek]
• Lost rumors: Someone who could be lying says Charlie (Dominic Monaghan) returns for 4 episodes, Clarie (Emily De Ravin [sic]) for full-season, Shannon (Maggie Grace) for 6 episodes. [Yahoo News Via E!]
• Matthew Fox on the Lost ending: "I think it is going to be very satisfying and cathartic and redemptive and beautiful. I've talked to [creator] Damon [Lindelof] pretty extensively and every time I talk to him it's sort of surprising how moving it is just to talk about it." [E!]
• Patricia Clarkson's flight from LAX to JFK got canceled and she promptly burst into tears. [Page Six]
• Oof: Hugh Grant kicked a paparazzo in the groin outside of restaurant in NYC Tuesday. [Gatecrasher via TMZ]
• Jamie Foxx says that the first time he did his stand up act at the Apollo, as soon as the audience heard he was from L.A., they started booing. Foxx considers this his favorite memory of the theater, though, so, good for him. [AP]
• Oh lord. Jeremy Piven's mercury poisoning saga lives on: Producers from Speed-The-Plow will be in arbitration this week. [Gothamist]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson met through a real estate agent. Now? A-Rod is smitten: "He is so into her and doesn't even mind when his friends tease him about her." [Gatecrasher]
• Sophie Dahl is 5'11" and her fiancé Jamie Cullum is 5'4" and she says: "We happen to be two people who met, fell madly in love and will probably produce fairly average sized children, hopefully with his more elegant feet, not mine." And! "I find it weird [that people focus on our height difference] but when you're really happy you don't give a shit." [Daily Mail]
• Diane Lane will star in Secretariat, the Disney flick about the relationship between the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse and his owner, Penny Chenery. [Variety]
• Blind item! "Which up-and-coming film star was smoking an alien substance out in the open at a recent NYC party?" [Gatecrasher]
• Q: What do you like most about your character? A: "There's nothing cool about her. It's fun to play someone who's well-intentioned but doesn't know the game. I enjoy competent but misguided characters. She's an open-faced sandwich, and because of that, she doesn't have anything savvy about her." — Amy Poehler, on Parks and Recreation. [Variety]
• "I am not one who has ever taken well to fame and what that attracts. It's a drag. I just wanted to be a songwriter and a singer. I did not bargain for all the rest of it." — Van Morrison says he would have abandoned his music career 40 years ago if one of his early albums had made him a superstar. [Reuters]
• "Wesley Snipes is a wonderful actor. Before the karate movies and stuff, when Wesley first got into the movies, he did drama and comedy. He's got all the talent. He does everything but he turned into the action dude. But James Brown isn't just singing and splits, you've got to chase the car and the crack heads. You've got to do the stunts. I'm too old to do the splits. They should make that movie with Wesley Snipes tomorrow." — Eddie Murphy may have played James Brown on SNL but wouldn't do it in a biopic. [Daily Express]
• "Being a 48-year-old rebel is not cool… I wouldn't describe myself as a shy person. I'm an introvert. I play extroverts on the screen, but I'm an introvert." — Eddie Murphy. [Mirror]
  
• "If I could interview Dolly every week, I would." — Morley Safer, 77, has no plans to retire from 60 Minutes and hearts Dolly Parton. And! He is not into bloggers: "I would trust a citizen journalist as much as I would trust a citizen surgeon." [Page Six]
• "I invented something that we tested out on-camera on Scientific American Frontiers. It was a device I had figured out to eliminate red-eye, if you attached it to any camera. So we made it, and it worked. I was really excited. It's the first time one of my inventions was tested and worked! I gave it to posterity, though." — Alan Alda, who loves science and has been the host of PBS series Scientific American Frontiers for the last decade. [NY Mag]
• "I talk to Lorne [Michaels] a lot, and he knows where my heart is. And he knows he's got a real hold on me. And he knows my weakness. I always tell him, 'I'm an addict. I'm an SNL addict.' And I will use again. Oh, I will." — Maya Rudolph, on returning to SNL for guest spots after leaving the show in 2007. [Yahoo News via AP]
• "The Obama administration came out and said the No. 1 chemical problem in the world is mercury…there will be a lot of documentaries coming out showing what happens when you have too much mercury in your system." — Jeremy Piven. [Page Six]
• "Poor Rob is already a Beatle. His whole life is documented. If he picks his nose, it's all over the Internet. He's just done for. I think he's kinda freakin' out, like, ‘What the fuck is going on?'" — Robert Pattinson's New Moon costar Ashley Greene. [MSNBC]
• "I'm always really worried about ruining their lives, especially with people that aren't famous. it's such a massive change. I'm kind of a paranoid wreck." — Robert Pattinson, on dating. [MSNBC]
• "It's very tempting to have a nanny and live in a gated community and have a chef – I'd love to have a few dinners cooked for me. But I don't want that for my children." — Kate Winslet doesn't need help, okay?!?! [Telegraph]
• "I love seeing my name on a woman's butt. Ladies, if you want to impress me when you meet me, I need to see my name on your right cheek. Girls have had tattoos of my face. One girl went and got her ass tattooed on her right arm… It's important to keep things tasteful." — Tyrese, whom I have interviewed and found to be as charming as this quote. [Page Six]

Interestingly, the original Playboy article (cached, in part, here) has been removed; in its place, is an error page offering readers a free week in the company's "Cyber Club".

Earlier: Playboy On Conservative Women: "Castration Has Begun To Look Appealing"

• A mob of 50 young men in Kathmandu, Nepal stripped a woman naked, beat her, and paraded her through the streets. Although the victim's identity is unknown, it is believed that she may have been a sex worker, or they may have mistaken her for one. • Eight of Jacqueline Kennedy's drawings of her husband, John F Kennedy, from 1961 are going up for auction today. • In 1993, Richard Allen Davis was convicted of the kidnapping and murder of 12-year-old Polly Klaas. Today the California high court voted to uphold the original ruling and keep Davis on death row. • A recent report has found that although American women are fairly responsible about cutting back their drug and alcohol consumption during pregnancy, many return to their previous vices soon after giving birth. • "For someone with her sensitivity and her intellect — she was such a people person. To get a disease like this and become increasingly passive and out of touch, it breaks my heart," said Jeanne Phillips of her mother Pauline Philips, more commonly as Abigail Van Buren, aka "Abby" from the Dear Abby column. After Pauline was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, Jeanne took over the job of advice columnist and the "Dear Abby" title. • New research shows that breast cancer survivors who are taking the cancer prevention drug tamoxifen face a higher risk of having the disease return if they are also on certain anti-depressants, including Prozac, Zoloft, and Paxil. •  Although women now out number and outperform men in UK universities, they are still likely to earn a lower wage than men upon graduation. •  A report released Friday by the Human Rights Watch states that crimes committed against transgender people in Honduras often go ignored by the police. The group calls on the police to seriously investigate the crimes and punish all involved, which in some cases includes members of the Honduran police force. • Sterling Terrance Hospedales, a sergeant from Fort Lewis, has been charged with sex trafficking of a child and attempted sex trafficking of a child. He is accused of taking prostitution money from one juvenile and arranging to fly another girl in from Wyoming to work as a prostitute. • The U.S. Food and Drug Administration has approved a new regulation which will require companies that use insects in their food dyes to list them as an ingredient on the label. Leaders of a Washington watchdog group are pleased with the measure, but would still like to see the insect-based dyes banned. • Folic acid may be even better for babies than previously thought, new study says. Doctors believe that the supplements can be helpful in preventing premature birth and heart defects, among other things. • Lt. Col. Christopher Garver said Friday the Army is investigating allegations that eight male soldiers at Fort Dix took pictures and video of a group of female soldiers showering in their unit. So far no charges have been filed. • Iranian presidential candidate Mir-Hossein Mousavi announced recently his intention to "reform laws that are unfair to women." He also voiced his support for women's rights groups that are working to stop violence against women. Mousavi is one of four candidates approved to run in the elections, which will be held on June 12th. • A survey of 88 Darfuri women living in refugee camps found that a third reported or showed signs of rape while most reported fear of rape or sexual assault. The vast majority of the rapes occurred while the women were away from the camp gathering firewood. •

Because it's not as if Cimbalo does anything in his piece but slag on these women for having the audacity to be attractive, conservative, opinionated and loud about those opinions. In other words, if he didn't agree with us mouthy liberal broads, he wouldn't want to fuck us either, and apparently prefers his women quiet and agreeable. And that - no matter what your politics are - is just gross.

For instance, on Michelle Malkin, he opines:

Worse than fucking Eva Braun.

Which would, actually, be difficult as Braun was cremated and her ashes scattered. But who needs a man with any historical knowledge.

On Megyn Kelly, whose "y" he abhors:

You need to flagellate your genitals for wanting to fuck this woman.

Actually, I've met and interviewed Megyn Kelly, and I found her smart, gracious and extremely pretty.

On Mary Katherine Ham:

You get this one pregnant, she stays pregnant.

Apparently, Cimbalo prefers having unprotected sex with women who plan to abort.

On Amanda Carpenter:

This foul temptress is a walking, talking Faustian fuck bargain.

For one thing, Amanda was also a colleague of mine at Glamocracy where she and I once penned a column together. Politically, we'd be hard pressed to find anything on which we agree politically, I wouldn't call her foul or Faustian (but her husband might call her a temptress).

On Elizabeth Hasselbeck:

You're better served sucking off Regis Philbin.

I'd encourage Cimbalo to try, actually.

On Dana Perino:

The second she says "no comment," your testicles are going to retract back into your body.

Right, because who wants to fuck a strong woman?

On Laura Ingraham:

Vagina dentata would be an improvement.

He really does love the "ball-busting" stereotypes, no? Nothing sexist about that.

On Pamela Gellar:

This shrieking harpy...

Need I continue?

On Michelle Bachman:

Chemical castration has begun to look appealing.

Strong woman=ball buster. Caught that yet?

On Peggy Noonan:

Imagine fucking your grandmother.

Because older women are automatically unsexy.

So, liberal ladies, just make sure you keep your opinions to yourself, never get old, never get a high-powered career and goodness knows don't disagree with Guy Cimbalo or, like George H.W. Bush, he might not want to fuck you. And you wouldn't want that.

So Right It's Wrong [Playboy]

Related: Four Questions for Megyn Kelly [Glamocracy]
Political Time Machine: HBO's "Recount" [Glamocracy]

Earlier: Help Me Choose An Outfit To Keep George Bush Away From My Womb