Joey's intervention took place almost entirely over text messages, because he ran out of the hotel conference room where his family had been waiting with Ken Seeley, and would only communicate with them via text while at his friend Pizza's house. Pizza is Joey's drug buddy. When I first saw his name in the subtitles, I imagined him as a white guy in his early 20s who's maybe into reggae and wears dirty hippie junkie knit hats that look like giant old hacky sacks, and probably earned his nickname during the gateway phase of his current downward spiral, because he'd always be the first one in the room to get the munchies and suggest calling Domino's.



But it turns out he's a portly, creepy, middle-aged man with an injured nose, who probably earned his nickname from working in a pizza parlor.



He ended up being a central figure in this episode.









Pizza swore that Joey was not hiding in his house.






So it's OK, because it all worked out in the end. Joey is trying to learn the true meaning of "serenity" in rehab, but judging from his recent artwork, it seems like he's not quite there yet.

• Officials are confirming that Hillary Clinton met with Barack Obama in Chicago to talk about a potential Cabinet slot. Two "senior Democratic officials" confirmed to the Huffington Post that Clinton was offered Secretary of State and asked for time to consider it, but she didn't admit to anything at a press conference in Albany. [NY Times, Huffington Post]
• Barack Obama and John McCain are going to meet this weekend to talk about how they might be able to work together on something once Obama is President. It was arranged by Senator Lindsay Graham, McCain's Number One Fanboy. [Washington Post]
• Vermont Senator Pat Leahy became the one who broke the seal, announcing today that he's not going to support Connecticut Senator Joe "Turncoat" Lieberman's efforts to hold onto his committee chairmanship in the Democratic-controlled Senate since Lieberman isn't a Democrat, campaigned against the incoming Democratic President and endorsed a Republican. Glad someone has more of a spine than Harry Reid. [Washington Post]
• Speaking of backbones, thousands of people are expecting to protest the passage of Proposition 8 tomorrow, in California and around the country. [Huffington Post]

• Other things coming to Washington include: Barack Obama's favorite pizza in Chicago, which is not Chicago-style but is, I guarantee, better than all but about 5 pizza outlets in the D.C. Metro area. [Huffington Post]
• FDIC Chairwoman Sheila Bair (a contender for the Treasury Secretary slot in an Obama Administration, if the rumors are true) unveiled her $25 million plan to stop 1.5 million foreclosures next year by offering incentives to financial institutions to reduce homeowners' monthly payments. Current Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson reportedly hates the idea, preferring to spend the money buying stock in banks and encouraging addition lending, let alone that he doesn't want to have to cede 3.5 percent of his Congressional spending authority to a girl to, like, help struggling Real Americans instead of banks. [Washington Post]
• California Congressman Dan Lungen is planning on challenging Ohio Congressman John Boehner for House Minority Leader. I wonder if he knows the perma-tan isn't one of the perks? [CNN]
• Former Maryland Lt. Governor Michael Steele wants to take over the Republican National Committee. He faces a mass of other people that didn't have prime time speaking roles at the Republican National Convention. [Politico]
• McCain campaign manager Rick Davis took responsibility for not paying how much attention "a gal from New York" they hired to shop for Sarah Palin spent on her wardrobe since they didn't give her a budget or look at the bills. That only took until after your guy lost, dickwad. Nice timing. [CNN]
• Outgoing corrupt Republican Congressman Rick Renzi of Arizona (who will be replaced by Democrat Ann Kirkpatrick) will face racketeering and other new charges when he eventually goes to trial on being a corrupt bastard. [Huffington Post]
• Renzi's colleague-in-corruption Alaska Senator Ted Stevens has fallen behind in his bid to win re-election to the Senate seat he'd be forced from once he had to report to the clink. [LA Times]
• Joe The Motherfucking Plumber has a motherfucking book deal. I, on the other hand, do not. I can ask stupid questions! I swear! Call me, publishers? [Huffington Post]

Ellio’s pizza is a frozen “pizza” concoction that’s been on the market since 1963. Though “pizza” is clearly stated on the outside of the box, what you’re essentially buying when you buy a box of Ellio’s is a giant slab of bread with some sauce and something that I think is supposed to be cheese slapped on top. The crust is doughy and often cooks unevenly, giving you burned edges and a completely undercooked center. It may not be glamorous or fancy, but it is delicious, cheap, and the kind of food that will help us through these rough economic times.

The sauce on Ellio's pizza is a cross between ketchup and the sweet tomato sauce they used to put on elementary school pasta. The cheese is basically there for decoration, though I’ve just noticed that the words “100% real cheese!” are displayed prominently on the box, so that has to count for something, right? Nothing says, “You probably shouldn’t eat this” quite like a declaration of the ingredients on the packaging. “It’s really food! We swear, you guys! For real!”

Most people who have never seen Ellio’s Pizza before are immediately struck by its square and gross appearance. “There are perforation lines in it,” my boyfriend frowned.

“That’s where you break the pieces apart,” I explained.

“It looks like middle school pizza,” he replied, “or an art project from fourth grade.”

I have been eating Ellio’s Pizza since about 1987. I can not stop eating Ellio’s Pizza. As disgusting as it may be, there is something very comforting about the little square not-really-pizza that could. It’s got a leg up on every other frozen pizza out there, anyway, because unlike fancy pants DiGiornio or American Flatbread, Ellio’s isn’t trying to pretend that it’s just like eating delivery. Pizza, please. This mess has “screw it, let’s just eat something out of the freezer” written all over it.

I've noticed lately that Ellio's Pizza has been a hot seller at the grocery store. Maybe everyone is turning to this little pizza-esque wonder to get them through the dark times. So here’s to you, horrible and wonderful Ellio’s Pizza. Like my boyfriend says, you truly are a work of art.

On that note, I am going to break for a bit to walk my greyhound and get some dinner. I'll be back later tonight with an open thread for SNL fans, unless something major happens in the meantime. Until then, feel free to discuss your favorite cheap eats and Saturday night plans in the comments. I've had a lot of fun so far today, and I hope you have too!

• It's fashion week y'all! Jennifer dutifully live blogged the Project Runway fashion shows at Bryant Park, and then spoiler-scared readers freaked the fuck out.
  
• Perhaps our model/columnist, Tatiana, was one of the bitches on the catwalk (or behind the scenes).
  
• Tracie went to the party for Chloë Sevigny's new fashion line, and the idiot assholes there made her hate life.
  
• But no one there was probably as big an idiot asshole as the one Dodai went on an online date with.
  
• This week we also cried, cuddled inanimate objects and reminisced about our gay high school prom dates.
  
• But you know, it's Friday. So go purchase some painfully expensive makeup, fuck a pizza, and indulge in some cocktails and dreams with fellow Jezzies.

• Britney should be worried about her liver, and not just because of her coke snorting and purple drank-ing — because of her Taco Bell-laden diet. A recent study showed that mice on a high fat diet were much more susceptible to liver injury. [Science Daily]
  
• The World Toilet Summit is currently getting "down to business" in New Delhi, but they're not talking bidets: They're working on getting third world denizens clean water and hygienic potties. [AP via MSNBC]
  
• Note to germ fearing gym-goers — a new vaccine against super Staph Infections is looking promising. Don't fear the elliptical! [Science Daily]

• Always remember to be nice to Fido because he might save your life. Toby the golden retriever and Winnie the American shorthair were named dog and cat of the year by the ASPCA for saving their masters from peril. [MSNBC]
  
• Whoa, a new reason to take Tylenol PM. Apparently an over-the-counter sleep aid, Zolpidem, helped a British woman come out of a 6-year coma. [Daily Mail]
  
• Attention Tinsley and other mass-produced pizza lovers! Five million frozen pizzas from the Totino's and Jeno's brands have been recalled due to possible E. coli contamination. [CBS News]
  
• Senators Joe Biden and Richard Lugar have introduced the International Violence Against Women Act. The bill seeks to organize policies that will help end violence against women, send over $170 million each year to support new programs, and a system for dealing with victims of anti-female crime.
  [Feminist Daily News]
  
• A new study shows that a healthy diet and lifestyle may increase fertility in women with ovulatory disorders. Scientists never let us eat anything fun! [Science Daily]