• Chris Brown was supposed to be sentenced today for pleading guilty to felony assault, but the sentencing was postponed to August 27 so the judge could review his full community service schedule, which she wants to include hard labor. [TMZ]

• Rihanna's mom Monica Fenty said she's worried her daughter is "playing Russian roulette with her life" after hearing rumors that she secretly met up with Chris Brown at a Manhattan hotel last week. Fenty added, "I'm devastated. Chris has power over her. She still loves him." [The Mirror]
• Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer are engaged. The True Blood co-stars have been together since February. [People]
• For the first time Forbes has released a list of Hollywood's top earning women. The top five in order are Oprah Winfrey, Madonna, Celine Dion, Beyonce Knowles, and Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. Judge Judy and Britney Spears are tied for numbers 6 and 7. [Forbes]
• Marc McLeod, the 53-year-old man who claimed Miley Cyrus was sending him "secret messages" through her TV show has been arrested for a second time for stalking her. He was spotted hanging around the Georgia set of her new film. [TMZ]
• Ryan Seacrest said on his radio show this morning that he was shocked to find out Paula Abdul won't be returning to American Idol. "She's a dear friend. I love her to death and am really sad that it came to fruition," Seacrest said. "I'm just bummed because we've worked together for so many years. It's sad." [People]
• Paula Abdul may have been kicked off American Idol because of a passionate Tweet. She and the producers were still in the middle of negotiations when she Tweeted a goodbye, which the producers took as an official declaration that discussions were over. [TMZ]
• This article says by leaving Paula is acting out a "celebrity cliche," and is titled "Abdul turns back on show that kept her relevant." Ouch. [MSNBC]
• Here's People's "inside story" on why Paula left: she asked for a raise and got a much smaller offer than she expected. Also, an NBC executive says, "Paula is an exceptional piece of talent." [People]
• Adam Lambert says the tabloid story that he lashed out at a fan for smudging his nail polish isn't true. "That never happened," he says, "Oh my god, I love it! I love how they always go with a 'very reliable source,' 'a close friend of Adam.' I'm like, 'Who?' " [E!]
• Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith have fired the head of their private school The New Village Leadership Academy because she didn't agree with the school's practice of Study Tech, a curriculum devised by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard. [Radar Online]
• Timberbrit, a modern opera about Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, was written by a Yale doctoral student and is being adapted into a fully staged version. The songs were inspired by slowed down versions of Brit's songs, which tell, "a tragic tale that imagines Spears' last concert, in the final hours of her life. Timberlake returns after a long absence to win back Spears' love, but in the end she chooses the audience's love above all else." [NPR]
• Saturday Night Live head writer Seth Meyers says, "If Justin Timberlake was so stupid and hated money so much that he would work for us permanently, we would love to have him... But he would really have to hate money." [N.Y. Magazine]
• Kevin Federline has been offered $2.5 million to endorse a weight loss supplement called EP-2 (Extreme Physical Performance). [Radar Online]
• Brooke Hogan says of her singing career, "It's hard to crossover. First, I was doing the singing, and because I was Hulk Hogan's daughter, everyone was like, "Oh, it's handed to her. Oh, she looks like a wrestler herself." I mean they were hard on me from all angles, you just couldn't win. And then I started doing the TV show to kind of have a platform and get people to know me and stuff like that. But I did the TV show to help my singing, and people think that I'm a TV star that's trying to sing now, like Heidi Montag or something. I'm like, "No. It's different." The singing is the permanent thing, the TV show's what's going to come and go." [AP]
• 2.1 million viewers watched the episode of Kendra in which she married Hank Baskett, making it the high rated first season finale for E! since The Anna Nicole Show in 2002. [Broadcasting & Cable]
• Kourtney Kardashian says her sister Kim Kardashian is still house hunting even though she broke up with Reggie Bush. "You go see this amazing house that's, like, a family house," says Kourtney, "and she's like, 'Wait, where does Reggie fit into all of this?' That's what, I think, she's struggling with." [People]
• Have you seen the new T-Mobile ads which are basically about horney guys drooling over Catherine Zeta-Jones? You can check one out here: [AdWeek]
• Tony Griffin, is suing the people running his father Merv Griffin's companies, claiming they squandered much of Merv's fortune. But sources say Merv Griffin Productions was actually handled pretty well, but has suffered due to the recession. [TMZ]
• Rosie O'Donnell and partner Kelli Carpenter-O'Donnell haven't split, according to her rep. "This is ridiculous," she says. "I get this rumor every time Rosie travels for work. Right now she is on tour with Cyndi Lauper." [People]
• Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys, who recently announced that he has cancer sent an e-mail to fans thanking them for their support. He said he's recovering from surgery but, "no sooner am I on the mend from this first torture than are they lining up the next one." In a few weeks he will begin radiation treatment, which he said, "involves blasting you with some kind of beam for a few minutes a day, 5 days a week, for about 7 weeks." [N.Y. Times]
• Idina Menzel and Taye Diggs' baby boy is due on September 6, but they haven't picked out a name yet. "We have a couple [names] in the running," says Diggs. "But part of us wants to see what he hits us with when we see him. We'll see what he looks like." [People]
• Leighton Meester says of the allegations that she made a sex tape, "[The tape] is not real, so it makes me sort of sad. It's unfortunate that it got carried as far as it did.... I definitely understand the nature of people better now and that the mere allegation of something like that could be headline news. People think it's real because somebody says it is... I've never been crazy. I'm a very good girl, to be honest. I don't do anything to hurt anybody. Honestly, all I ever do is work." [People]
• "I have love in my life, a soul mate–absolutely. When someone asked me why Angie and I don't get married, I replied, ‘Maybe we'll get married when it's legal for everyone else.' I stand by that, although I took a lot of flak for saying it–hate mail from religious groups. I believe everyone should have the same rights. They say gay marriage ruins families and hurts kids. Well, I've had the privilege of seeing my gay friends being parents and watching their kids grow up in a loving environment." — Brad Pitt [Just Jared]
• "Would it bother me if a child of mine turns out to be gay? No, not one bit. Listen, I want my kids to live the lives they want to live. I want them to be fulfilled. I hope I teach my kids to be who they really are." — Brad Pitt [Parade]

• Is Ashley Olsen getting married? The National Enquirer thinks so. It'll happen on the French Riviera next summer; she wants Karl Lagerfeld to make the dress and Annie Leibovitz to take the pix. Oh, the hubs-to-be is boyfriend Justin Bartha. [Daily Express]
• Ryan Reynolds ran the NYC marathon! His time? 3 hours and 50 minutes, faster than he anticipated. "It was an incredible experience," he says. He was asked how he'd celebrate and claimed: "I'll probably celebrate by eating my own body weight in raw dough." [People]
• Heh, things were "frosty" between Tina Fey and John McCain on Saturday Night Live. [MSNBC]
• A "crazed" Madonna fan stormed on to the set of Guy Ritchie's new movie and threatened to kill him. The teenager had a knife and was shouting, "I love Madonna." He was arrested, though if he were cast in Guy Ritchie's movie, that would be believable. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt's kids went trick-or-treating in Malibu on Friday. Maddox was a Marine; Zahara was a Jolly Green Giant; Shiloh was a sheriff. Need pix!!! [Star Magazine]

• Ooh, check out Angelina's eyes on the cover of British Harper's Bazaar. [ONTD]
• The head of rap label Def Jam died Saturday: Shakir Stewart, who succeeded Jay-Z as VP in June, committed suicide. [Reuters]
• Daniel Craig talks about his arm: "I tore my shoulder when we were making Casino Royale and it started to ache during Quantum Of Solace. I went to see a surgeon and had reconstructive surgery - I had six pins put in. So now I can't really move my arm and it's a little painful, but I'm having physio every day, and it's healing well." [Daily Mail]
• Lindsay Lohan will have her deposition videotaped in Samantha Ronson's ongoing lawsuit against her former attorney. She has a lot of conditions, though, and wants the transcripts to be destroyed when the case is over. [E!]
• Lindsay was supposed to host the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend, but she's been replaced by, um, Denise Richards. Downgrade! [Mirror]
• Simon Cowell and girlfriend Terri Seymour: Dunzo. She ended it after 6 years. Want to guess who doesn't believe in marriage? [Newser.com]
• After Terri broke up with him, Simon allegedly said "Thank God! " [Daily Mail]
• Terri wanted kids, Simon did not. [Mirror]
• Simon also says: "You know, the most incredible thing I’ve seen on TV for absolutely ages was the Sarah Palin/Joe Biden debate. I watched it for an hour and there wasn’t one second I wasn’t completely riveted. I would love to bring the concept of the American presidential debate to Britain. I know I could engage the audience, get people involved." [Daily Mail]
• Peaches Geldof walked out of a London store with an item of clothing draped over her arm and didn't pay for it. A shopkeeper ran out and confronted Peaches, who said it was an accident. Apparently this is the fourth time she's walked out of a store without paying for clothes, although it seems like she always has a good excuse. [Mirror]
• Joaquin Phoenix, who is retiring from acting, might be back on drugs: He was "out of it" at a tribute to Paul Newman last week in San Francisco. Grief-stricken, maybe? [Page Six]
• Peaches' husband's band has a new single, "She Loves Everybody," about a controlling, insecure girl who craves affection. [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has gained weight and is trying to stop smoking. She's still hooked on sugar, however. [Mirror]
• Oh, wait, Amy Winehouse is back in the hospital. It seems to be related to the chest infection she had last week. Or her emphysema. [People]
• A New Zealand TV journalist is being investigated and might lose her job after a "trainwreck" interview with Pink; it seems the woman's sister used to be Pink's assistant and the reporter ambushed the pop star with questions about why she'd fired her sister. [News.com.au]
• More weird New Zealand news: A pizza chain used a Halloween ad which featured skeletal animations of the Queen Mother, Sir Edmund Hillary and Heath Ledger dancing on gravestones. The company has apologized. [Times of London]
• In case you couldn't already guess, Tyra is endorsing Barack Obama. [Yahoo News]
• Usher is taking a year off from music to travel the world and find "inspiration." Good luck! [Mirror]
• Jessica Simpson's BFF, stylist Ken Paves, had his face bloodied during a paparazzi crush outside of an L.A. restaurant. There were so many cameras swarming that some guy accidentally hit Ken near his eye with a camera. Jess and Ken made it to the car, and went directly to the hospital. [TMZ]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, crashed a rally banning gay marriage in California. [Yahoo New]
• There was a memorial for Jennifer Hudson's family members, including nephew Julian King, on Sunday. His second-grade teacher read from journals written by his classmates. [AP]
• Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is renewing her vows in Egypt, but Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham doesn't plan to attend. Snubby spice? [The Sun]
• It appears to be really and truly on between Criss Angel and Holly Madison. If you have a strong stomach, gaze upon this image of them kissing. [TMZ]
• Mindy McCready is out of jail. [E!]
• Here's a video in which Senator John McCain meets Anna Nicole Smith, one of her "biggest fans." [Politico]
• Brad Pitt and Leonardo DiCaprio have Oscar buzz for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and Revolutionary Road, but Oscar voters tend to like it when actors play real people. [Reuters]
• Nigella Lawson once made her kids give their Christmas gifts to charity. "I wanted them to think about how lucky they are," she explains. Hmm, could work, could make them harbor resentment. [The Sun]
• Bon Jovi's being sued for £250,000 after one of the rock group's entourage allegedly deliberately ran over a woman with a golf cart at a concert. [Telegraph]
• Viggo Mortensen is in a film adaptation of a play about about an ordinary man in 1930s Germany being slowly co-opted by the Nazis. He says the story has relevance today; "You don't need to be some kind of bookworm or political activist; little and big decisions that individuals make in society on a daily basis are what any country is." [LA Times]
• LL Cool J has been inducted into the Long Island, NY Music Hall Of Fame. Didn't know there was such a thing, but, congrats? [UPI]
• Natalie Portman and Rashida Jones have made a very important election-related video you simply must watch. [Funny Or Die]
• Is Sienna Miller's relationship with Balthazar Getty fizzling out? [Mirror, Daily Mail]
• In an op-ed about paparazzi and papers vs. celebrities — especially Sienna Miller, who's gone to court seeking damages for a "campaign of harassment" by photographers, this writer states: "We have no right to invade people's privacy, but we do have a time honoured journalistic tradition of doing so that I would hate to see disappear." [Independent]
• Kylie Minogue would love to be an actress: "I’d love to do a comedy." [The Sun]
• It's weird to think about Dakota Fanning as 14-year-old sophomore and varsity cheerleader in real life, but that is what she is. [USA Today]
• Elle UK asked Kelly Osbourne to be part of a photography portfolio celebrating friendship and love; she decided to do it with her boyfriend. "My boyfriend is my best friend," she says. "We always go shopping together, we like going to music festivals and we chat on the phone a thousand times a day." [Elle UK]
• Haven't heard about these two in a while, but Nelly says he and Ashanti are "serious." They've been on and off since 2003. [People]
• Here's a piece about how stars change shape for films. A former Royal Marine who has worked on the last five James Bond films, has also been training with Jake Gyllenhaal for Prince Of Persia. He says: "Most actors are athletes nowadays. Their fitness is a big factor in whether they get cast or not. Jake has to look like a warrior capable of sword-fighting, not like he's been hitting the gym. He is working out twice, sometimes three times a day, six days a week, for three to four months on top of stunt rehearsals before filming begins." Ready to go back to bed? [Times of London]
• Did Paris Hilton steal Benji Madden from Sophie Monk? This was 8 months ago, if you care. [News.com.au]
• Johnny Carson's former lawyer is calling the Tonight Show host a sad, depressed man who cheated on his wives and was tormented by his mother. Tears of a clown? [Page Six]
• Whoa: Mickey Rourke once planned to kill a man and then commit suicide, because the guy had raped a woman he knew. [The Sun]
• The Pet Shop Boys will be presented with an outstanding contribution to music award at next year's Brit Awards, which means Simon Cowell won't get it. What have I, what have I, what have I done to deserve this? [BBC News, Mirror]
• The Communist Party of St. Petersburg must not have much to do, because they're pissed at "Bond girl" Olga Kurylenko for "sleeping with the West." [UPI]
• Jean-Claude Van Damme canceled promotional appearances for a film because one of his dogs is in a coma. Tragic! [Page Six]
• "Kate Winslet is always naked, sitting on a toilet, running buck-naked. She's free. I want to be the kind of actress who can really be comfortable with my body like that" — Halle Berry in Elle. [Page Six]
• "I've kept in touch with William — he's really good looking. But I prefer Harry, he's more my type." — Paris Hilton on the Princes. [Mirrror]
• "I need you to make the best sub you have ever made because it's for Snoop Dogg," A "handler" to a Subway employee in Australia. [News.com.au]
• "I've always been a slow starter. My first date was with a girl called Cessi. We had a beautiful relationship over the phone all summer and then when we met I couldn't look her in the eye." — Leonardo DiCaprio. [Guardian]
• "I don't know if seniors like me at all. I think they're a little sick of me. I think they say, 'Get off! We just want to rest.' I thought I was wonderful. Then I saw a replay. I couldn't believe I was just one, two, three, turn. I didn't have the spunk I thought I had." — Cloris Leachman, on her final Dancing With The Stars performance. [Newsweek]
• "Owen Wilson is so divine in this film. I've never seen him play a part like this. He was a man; he was a husband; he was a father. And I feel like, how brave of him, to walk through the year that he walked through." — Jennifer Aniston on her Marley And Me costar. [LA Times]
• "It's a different part of my life. I try and look back on it with fondness but when I'm reminded of it I'm really embarrassed… Honestly, I really hoped my daughter wouldn't see it, otherwise she'd never listen to a thing I say again. I thought I was the coolest guy in the world but really I was just a jackass." — Mark Wahlberg on his "Marky Mark" music career. [Telegraph]
• "If someone starts talking to me negatively about something they've never actually studied that actual text of, I don't really admire them very much because it shows they don't have much integrity, so I just kind of ignore them. I'm not going to listen to gossip and hearsay about something that's affected my life so tremendously in such a tremendously positive way. It's a new religion. Historically every new religion has been [dismissed]. People were hanged, fed to the lions for their beliefs so this is just a modern day evolution of what happens when something new comes into our culture. It is not fully understood yet. I've seen drug addicts completely rehabilitated, I've seen the illiterate become literate, I've seen people that were so depressed and hopeless completely rehabilitate their goals in life, become happier, find partners. It's beautiful." — Jenna Elfman on Scientology. [Perez Hilton]
• "Every other guy I've been out with has used me for money or sex — but in most cases they just want fame. It made it hard to trust people… I loved this guy for three years but he betrayed me. Rick’s a scumbag and I hate him. It was just the most horrible thing that’s ever happened to me. So humiliating and embarrassing. But at the end of the day, I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve found someone who loves me for me. Benji’s my best friend and I know he’d never hurt me." — Paris Hilton. [News Of The World]
• "To go on about acting as art is ridiculous. You don’t have to be gifted just to hit a mark and a line. As far as I’m concerned, that’s 90 per cent of the job. Anyone who finds acting difficult just shouldn’t be doing it." — Kurt Russell. [Daily Express]
• "I'm thinking, 'If this guy (Jesus) can die for mankind, the least I can do is quit smoking. I really felt an epiphany was happening. I even thought I saw a light around me. Four hours later, I bought a packet of Marlboro Reds. Who am I kidding? I need a cigarette." — Gerard Butler, on his religious experience at the Church of the Holy Sepulcher in Jerusalem, Israel. [ONTD]
• "I shaved my back just in case. I went fully bare, like a two year old. I was ready. I didn't want to be too real for the world. I don't think the world is too ready for a hairy back in a love scene. Has there ever been a sex scene with Robin Williams? People don't want to see that. That would border on bestiality." — Seth Rogen, on preparing himself for Zack And Miri Make A Porno. [Daily Express]

• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson: On the rocks??? Apparently LL loves to party and Sam is shuns the spotlight; plus Sam's a thoughtful person and isn't sure how she comes across in this "celebrity romance." Gah. [Daily Mail]
• Wait a minute! Sam proposed?! While she and Lindsay were on vacay in Mexico! With a Cartier diamond ring! [ONTD]
• Holy crap: John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston were seen kissing on Monday in California. They flew in to L.A. together on a private plane; hugged and kissed and then went their separate ways. Then again, the source is The National Enquirer. Hmm. [Perez Hilton]
• Jen and Vince together again in a sequel to The Break-Up? This just seems false. [Daily Express]
• Actor Guillaume Depardieu, son of French movie star Gerard Depardieu, died yesterday of complications from pneumonia. He was 37. [USA Today]
• Maureen McCormick, aka Marcia Brady, is spilling all in her new memoir: depression, drug addiction, abortions, trading sex for drugs and engaging in full-on binges at the Playboy Mansion. Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! [E!]

• Prince performed in NYC over the weekend but told the audience to turn off their cellphones — which were interfering with the sound system — or "there may not be a show." Anderson Cooper was there. [Page Six]
• Russell Crowe has been cutting down on his drinking. "But tequila and I are still good friends, and vodka and I still get on. It’s just the dark drinks that don’t seem to bring out the best of my personality." [Daily Express]
• Is Kate Moss giving up drinking too? For Jamie Hince? [Mirror]
• If you haven't had enough Brad/Angelina/W magazine stuff, and you're curious how the photo shoot concept came about, click here. Hint: It has to do with Elizabeth Taylor, Bruce Weber, eBay and film that hasn't been manufactured for four years. [W]
• Simon Cowell's American Idol salary: $36 million a year. Paula Abdul's American Idol salary: $5 to $8 million a year. [MSNBC]
• Travis Barker, blogging from his hospital bed: "Despite any rumors you might have heard via my EX-wife Shanna Moakler, who I have not seen since the week I checked in, I've been treated amazingly well, both here in LA and in Georgia. The hospitals I've been treated at are THE BEST." [E!]
• A report, not a review, of Katie Holmes on Broadway: "She isn’t bad. She’s up against some real pro’s, and she holds her own. Like most movie and TV actors, her voice and projection need work. But she knows her lines, appears to understand the character, and does not embarrass herself at all." [Fox 411]
• Diddy sold his Rolls-Royce Phantom last week, but only because he's getting a new Rolls convertible. [Page Six]
• The person who wrote the lyrics and melody for Beyoncé's new song, "If I Were A Boy," is named BC Jean. But Beyoncé's father tried to get Beyonce’s name on the writing credits. [Fox 411]
• Nicole Richie filmed a guest spot on NBC's Chuck and played a bully with a "great fight scene." [People]
• Sharon Osbourne has a problem with Nicole Kidman — "she's got a forehead like a fucking flatscreen TV" — and other plastic surgery fans who pretend nothing has happened: "Oh my God! Those liars! I hate them! Those bitches! They are like, 'I didn't do anything.' Meanwhile, their eyebrows are here. Lying bitch!" [The Sun]
• Johnny Depp's ladyfriend, Vanessa Paradis, says, they are not getting married. "Each summer people say we're supposed to be getting married, but we don't talk about it that much. He's got me, and he knows he's got me." She also says she gets why women want to mob him: "I understand. I want to mob him all the time, I do. He's a very charming person." [People]
• David and Victoria Beckham's housekeepers deny stealing personal items from the house to sell on eBay. Guess who saw the stuff online and reported it to the cops? Vicky's parents. [Daily Mail]
• OMG. Kate Middleton caught talking on the phone while driving. The horror! [Telegraph]
• Rapper T.I. has a number one album and has to go to jail for weapons possession. He says he's "a little anxious" about prison. As for buying guns, he explains, "You know how many attempts have been made against my life? There are people out there that would rather kill you than to tell you, 'Good luck' or 'I am happy for you.' So, until you understand that, you wouldn't understand my train of thought. Not to say it was right. It's just my best explanation." [UPI]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is talking about her body again! "I'm getting ready to turn 30 and get married and all those things," she says. "This year was my year to try to glow from within and feel better." So: "I work out about four or five days a week." She's perfecting her pushup and she thinks the plank pose is "very cool." [People]
• Mark Wahlberg. Gonna marry the lady who gave birth to his three kids. Say hi to your mother for me. [E!]
• Boy George called Little Britain star Matt Lucas a "prissy, niggly diva" back in 2002. He later attempted to apologize but Lucas didn't respond. [Daily Express]
• Richard Gere says: "I stopped reading the press a long time ago. Lots of crazy things came up about me at first, especially from the tabloids. There is an infamous 'Gere stuck a hamster up his bum' urban myth." But! As Michael Musto points out, it was a gerbil rumor. Hmm. [Village Voice]
• Kenny Chesney on his new album: "It's no secret—there are about four or five songs that are about Renée [Zellweger]." [E!]
• Blake Incarcerated's mom says: "I don't think rehab is the answer." She thinks Blake needs to come home to her. Plus she says: "I don't speak to Amy. I feel all the media attention on Amy has probably had an impact on my son's release." Ya think? [People]
• Janet Jackson has canceled more concerts. She still has not made a statement about what kind of illness she has. [AP]
• Uh, was Jermaine Dupri told by Janet Jackson's people, "You're not her boyfriend anymore." ??? [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
• Clark Gable's granddaughter Kayley is a fucking mess. [TMZ]
• Shannen Doherty has agreed to do two additional episodes on 90210. But seriously, no one is watching anymore, right? [LA Times]
• Lethal Weapon 5: Not happening. "Mel turned it down," director Richard Donner says. [LA Times]
• Kevin Spacey: Visiting professor at Oxford University. Pish posh, pip pip, cheerio! [The Star]
• Wanna see Roseanne riff on John McCain and "a nation run by old men on Viagra" ? Click the link! [Guardian]
• Lisa Marie Presley's twin girls are named Finley and Harper. [People]
• Lance Bass's ex, Reichen Lehmkuhl, has been posting personal trainer ads on Craigslist. [Perez Hilton]
• George Michael is coming out of "retirement" to perform at an exclusive show in Abu Dhabi next month. [Mirror]
• "He's one of the funniest human beings alive." — Dick Van Dyke on Ricky Gervais. [The Star]
• "[Heath Ledger] never involved himself in Hollywood and he didn't want to be a celebrity. He wanted to be an actor. I love acting. I just don't like the current state of the movie business and what is released. The rest of the world makes movies that mean something some of the time. In America, we don't." — Billy Bob Thornton, who worked with Ledger in Monster's Ball. [Daily Express]
• "There's nothing wrong with Disney, but my benchmarks are more West Side Story meets Jesus Christ Superstar. I'm trying to write a musical that will be relevant to a 16-year-old today, a rite of passage for a young girl into womanhood." — Tori Amos, who is working on a feminist fairytale, to be completed by 2010. [Independent]
• "Breast cancer helped me put myself first in life. Once I stepped out of radiation, I had to remember that the only person who could take care of me was me. I'd better do that before I take care of everybody else, instead of everybody else first." — Sheryl Crow. [People]
• "One of the best things about America is that we are a melting pot, a mix of many, many different races and nations. Yes, they have their own nationalities and are very proud of them, but that certainly doesn't diminish the fact that they're American. To me, that is what being American is." — Angelina Jolie on her kids. [Perez Hilton]
• "[Barack Obama] is still so new. He seems like a strong leader. We'll see." — Lauren Bush. [Page Six]

• What kind of fuckery is this? Amy Winehouse borrowed some designer dresses. When she returned them, they were splattered with vomit. [Mirror]
• Some of the puke-stained dresses had developed furry mold on them. [Hey, I'm eating breakfast, lady! - Ed.] [CelebNewsWire]
• Meanwhile, Amy is trying to launch the singing career of her goddaughter, Dionne. [Mirror]
• Except at Dionne's gig, Amy was a total fucking mess. [Daily Mail]
• More "turmoil" for Brad and Angelina as Billy Bob Thornton says of Angie, "We're still close." Eh. [Daily Mail]

• Britney was seen wearing a black wig because she was shooting the video for her new song, "Womanizer," at a sushi lounge. She plays a waitress. [People]
• Julia Roberts was spotted covering up with a large pashmina so obviously she must be pregnant. [The Sun]
• Shia LaBeouf won't be charged with drunk driving in connection with his car accident in West Hollywood this summer. He refused a blood-alcohol test, though, so his license is going to be suspended. [LA Times]
• Clay Aiken's baby mama took pills for nausea during her pregnancy. Um, is that safe for the fetus? [Perez Hilton]
• Hayden Panettiere's dad has been charged with hitting her mom. It's a misdemeanor battery charge and he could face up to a year in jail if convicted. [Reuters]
• Chris Kattan and Sunshine Tutt were married for 59 days, but she'll get six figures in the divorce settlement. Which means being married to Kattan is worth at least $1,700 a day; a well-paying job. [TMZ]
• ANTM's Isis says she really wants to get the surgery to become biologically female but she doesn't have the cash: "I'm not working right now, but hopefully I get a lot of gigs from me being on the show. Once I save my money—hopefully within the next two years, that's my goal—I will have it done as soon as possible, so I can just get it out of the way." [E!]
• Megan Fox is so much more famous now that she has lost weight, gotten a nose job and plumped her lips. She was cute in this "before" picture though. [Socialite Life]
• The next time your phone rings, it could be Ellen DeGeneres, telling you to help yourself fight breast cancer. [AP]
• OMG no way: Melrose Place might be coming back. [UPI]
• Ricky Gervais to maybe host next year's Oscars? Are you having a laugh? [The Sun]
• Emma Watson looks AMAZING in this Italian Vogue photo shoot. [Daily Mail]
• Thanks to the presidential campaign, Saturday Night Live ratings are up 50%. [Variety]
• The Australians in Film Heath Ledger Scholarship has launched and Michelle Williams has stepped up as the first donor. [People]
• Mariska Hargitay blogs, very thoughtfully, about her character's rape storyline on SVU. [ONTD]
• Lauren Conrad and Chace Crawford "exchanged digits." They're "just friends." [E!]
• Mariah Carey will not appear on Oprah's show to announce that she is pregnant, because she is not, so if you heard that rumor, ignore it. [Perez Hilton]
• Kanye West is letting you remix his new single, "Love Lockdown," for free. Any takers? [Rolling Stone]
• Jay-Z and Norwegian production duo Stargate have announced the formation of StarRoc, a new New York-based music label. [UPI]
• Gwyneth Paltrow's mom says Gwyneth's marriage works "beautifully." All I can think is: GOOP. [People]
• Mackenzie Phillips is doing "great" in rehab. One day at a time! [People]
• A trash can designed by Bono sold for $30K. But it was a charity auction so it's not like someone was throwing their money away. [Mediabistro]
• Pete Doherty started playing a concert in Bournemouth, England and refused to stop. [Daily Express]
• Ladies and gentlemen, a message from Holly Madison: "Page 6 needs to check their 'facts.' Today Page 6 said that Bridget is married to a guy from Ohio??????????? Last time I checked, Bridget is divorced (after a 7 year seperation[sic]) from a guy from California…being that this is all a matter of public record, one would think you could check on that pretty easily." [Perez Hilton]
• Ed McMahon will appear in to viral rap videos for FreeCreditReport.com, and his "gangsta" outfit is so cringe-worthy it's basically like a minstrel show. [CNN, Portfolio]
• Helen Mirren will play an Israeli Massad agent in a new flick called The Debt. [Variety]
• Here's a first look at the poster for that probably crappy Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie — You know, where he plays a Nazi with an American accent? [Just Jared]
• Sarah Michelle Gellar may return to TV: An HBO show called The Wonderful Maladys. [Variety]
• Busta Rhymes was detained at an airport in London, then released. Woo-ha, got you all in check. [BBC News]
• Kid Rock says he's not really friends with Pam Anderson. "I touched stove, stove was hot, I think I not touch stove anymore." [People]
• Whoa: Robert Wagner once considered shooting Warren Beatty over Natalie Wood. [Reuters]
• The rare footage of Marilyn Monroe on the set of Some Like It Hot was sold Thursday for $14,700. [Reuters]
• Hmm, here's a lawsuit over nude pix of Marilyn. [AP]
• Terrence Howard's mother died after a long battle with cancer. [People]
• "I've been lucky to be able to make my own choices and not feel like I've been guided too much other than by my own instincts. I guess I get offered a certain type of role when it comes to mothers — they are generally not your predictable blonde on blonde mothers. They are spikier and more dangerous, and in this case, utterly self-delusional. Putting them together and finding the honest notes is always fun." — Angelica Huston, on her role in Choke. [Reuters]
• "'I'm a big fan of Jay-Z, but outside of the states and hip-hop circles, no one really knew who he was until he married Beyonce." — 50 Cent. [StereoHyped]
• "I believe that a woman should be paid the same amount as a man if she does the same job. I think that we're extraordinary creatures who can run a company and a house." — Natalie Cole. [Guardian]
• "I'm just a big believer in 'you must love yourself before you can love anybody else,' and I think for me that breeds the most inspired relationships. It's hard for me to have any proclamation about the right kind of love or how to love, because relationships are so complicated and there are so many ways to love. On one hand, there's obsessive love and committed love and the love that friends just have for one another." — Scarlett Johansson. [Perez Hilton]
• "Actors such as Daniel Day Lewis and Robert De Niro are often held up as ‘this is the way to act’ but I don’t go to bed dreaming and sleeping the character. There’s a lot of bullshit in acting. I’m not criticising those guys as actors but sometimes you just have to show up and deliver a speech. You don’t have to pretend to be somebody, I like to think I am enough. I’m not interested in ‘Oh he lost 30 pounds for this role’. I think that should stay private. I don’t wanna hear it." — Liam Neeson. [Daily Express]
• "I've been to talk at quite a few schools recently. It is essential to talk to 12- and 13-year-olds because they absorb what's thrown at them, whether it be homophobia or tolerance, and we have to make sure it's the positive stuff." — Sir Ian McKellen, who is working with Stonewall's Education Champion Programme, which addresses homophobia in schools. [Guardian]
• "I've never seen that (sex) tape of me and Tommy and I don't ever want to. I see more than enough of Tommy as it is. I can't get rid of him." — Pamela Anderson. [Daily Express]

OK!
"How I Got My Body Back!" A Britney exclusive. With new photos. How to lose 12 pounds in 30 days. There are "exclusive" shots of Brit on a treadmill and sitting on a horse. Here's how to lose weight: Don't eat sugar, including fruit, and only eat 1200 calories a day. Have grilled chicken breast with raw organic broccoli for lunch.
Grade: F- (nails on a chalkboard)

Life & Style
"Living Separate Lives." Actually, the whole story is on the cover: "Six days together, 15 days apart, Tom's in LA, Katie's in New York. Tense and tired, they're desperate to make it work!" Also inside: Rare photographs of Scarlett Johansson kissing fiancé Ryan Reynolds! (Fig 1.) Next: Britney has been sober for 201 days, can you believe it? It was January 3 when she was taken to the hospital in tears. How things have changed! Moving on: Joel Madden invited Mary-Kate Olsen back to his tour bus to show her pictures of Harlow. Then Joel told Nicole Richie about it on the phone and she freaked out. Lastly: A random quote from Calum Best re: Lindsay Lohan: "I hope I didn't turn her gay."
Grade: D (microphone feedback)


Us
"Tears, Joy & Scandal." Intern Margaret says that the info about Shawn Johnson and Nastia Liukin in this mag is only the "untold story" if you haven't been watching the Olympics on NBC. Plus! This story was written before the gymnastics ended (last night) so it's obviously not the full story. Moving on: Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer: "The Split Gets Nasty." Intern Margaret thinks Jennifer Aniston wrote this article. A "confidant" says: "This is not high school, but for some reason, John seems to think the whole world should know who ended the relationship." Another source says Jen dumped John because she thought he was tipping off the paparazzi to their location. Apparently things weren't totally dunzo until John made that long-ass video statement to the press. Now, a source says, "Consider the door slammed. Jennifer needs some time to herself. When she's ready, she needs to find a mature man, ready for a grown-up relationship." Noted. Us also points out that OK! repeatedly misled readers about Jen's love life (Fig. 2). Did you know that Lindsay Lohan is obsessed with Facebook? Next! Sharon Stone is dating a man half her age: She is 50, he is 25. Joel Madden was seen hanging out with Mary-Kate Olsen, whom he finds "amusing." Lastly: Verne Troyer is getting his own reality show. "It's about being a dwarf in Hollywood," he says. Imagine that!
Grade: D+ (dentist drill)


In Touch
"Brad Storms Out." Intern Margaret and I were sure that we had seen this cover before, but we could not find it. (We did find "Brad Walks Away", also on In Touch.) This time, they're fighting because Angelina's nerves are shattered and she might have post-partum depression. Brad goes out drinking and she yells at him when he comes home late smelling like smoke. She made him sleep in another bedroom. But! The day after their "fight" they were seen at a restaurant in the South of France holding hands through dinner and being very affectionate. So. Next: The Jennifer Aniston post-breakup status: "She wasn't hurt at all. She feels fine." Also, "Mohawks run in the family" for Joel and Harlow Madden (Fig. 3). Britney went to see Robin Thicke at the House of Blues in Hollywood and Justin was there with Jessica Biel! Britney wanted to get his attention but Justin never turned around, so they left without ever seeing each other, sigh. Okay, so The Hills castmates are fighting over money. Lauren Conrad gets $75,000 per episode, which comes to $1.4 million for the entire season, but she says, "I couldn't even tell you how much my friends make." Lastly: Jamie Lynn Spears has either "walked out" of her relationship with Casey Aldridge or just gone to her mom's house to visit.
Grade: C- (shrieking children)


Star
"Jen Turns To Brad." See, Jen was upset about her breakup with John Mayer, so she called Brad's mom, with whom she has maintained a friendship. Brad's mom was at Brad and Angie's chateau in France. Brad happened to walk into the room and his mom handed him the phone, so he ended up comforting Jen in her time of need. A source says,"He told her that John's probably not the right guy for her, he suggested that she stop trying so hard to meet someone before she turns 40. He told her there is no deadline, that she is a beautiful, wonderful person and the right guy is out there." At the end of the call, Brad said, "Of course we're still friends, call if you need me." Angelina was happy Brad was there for Jen and she's okay with them being friends. Hahaha! Moving on: Jamie Lynn, Runaway Bride! After hearing that Casey was cheating on her, JLS has decided to move to L.A. with baby Maddie. Britney's encouraging it! One of Casey's friends told the mag: "Casey's the kind of guy who will come to your party, drink all your beer, hit on your girlfriend and bounce." Eric "Dr. McSteamy" Dane and Rebecca Gayheart: Marriage on the rocks! She's checked into Chateau Marmont. Blind item! "Which actress is mulling over getting a nose job after another minor surgery went so well? Sources say she plans to get her schnoz fixed and is already shopping for docs in NYC." Next: Ashlee Simpson-Wentz went to the doctor and found out she's gained more weight than is considered healthy. She freaked out and bought six pairs of size zero jeans as weight-loss motivation. She's pregnant, btw. Here's a great caption on a picture of Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "Lindsay fell for Sam's protective nature, telling friends, 'She's the father I never had.'" Brad and Angelina sent blushing brides Ellen and Portia a present and an arrangement of white orchids and roses in a crystal vase — with one yellow rose, symbolizing friendship. Close friend Ryan Seacrest missed the ceremony but made the reception. Lastly, and random: While Ryan Cabrera was with Ashlee Simpson, he was banging Audrina Patridge! He was cheating on both of them. It was all over by the summer of 2006.
Grade: C (creaky door)


Fig. 1

Fig. 2

Fig. 3

• A month after being diagnosed with breast cancer, Christina Applegate is now cancer-free. "I'm clear," she told Robin Roberts of Good Morning America earlier today. "Absolutely 100 percent clear and clean. It did not spread — they got everything out, so I'm definitely not going to die from breast cancer." She went on to say: "My decision, after looking at all the treatment plans that were possibilities for me, the only one that seemed the most logical and the one that was going to work for me was to have a bilateral mastectomy." Apparently she had the surgery about three weeks ago. She'll have reconstructive surgery in the coming months. Be well! [ABC News]
• Madonna made a 40-minute speech on her birthday and admitted that she was "disappointed" that some of her celebrity BFFs, including Gwyneth Paltrow and Stella McCartney, didn't come to her party. But! Lourdes sang for her, and Guy told her she's beautiful. Is it enough for the woman who wants it all? (Do you think Madge gets depressed?) [MSNBC]
• Apparently Jennifer Aniston is not impressed that John "The Player" Mayer made that speech about her being the smartest most sophisticated person ever. A friend of Jen's says: "He is the biggest jerk ever. How dare he set up a p.r. stunt like that? He should be ashamed of himself and just shut his mouth." [Page Six]

• Now that she's broken up with Lance Armstrong, Kate Hudson has been calling old flame Owen Wilson! "He was frosty at first," says an insider. "He felt betrayed when she dumped him for his friend Lance. But after a while, he caved in and has been sweet to her." Déjà vu all over again. [Star]
• Three words: Beckham The Musical! [People]
• Shirtless pictures of Rafael Nadal. [ONTD via NY Mag]
• Jemaine Clement of Flight Of The Conchords got married! The lucky lady is his long-time girlfriend, Miranda Manasiadis; the ceremony took place in a Los Angeles registry office and costar Bret McKenzie was in attendance. Time to listen to that song Jemaine and Bret wrote for us. [Stuff.co.nz]
• Joshua Radin, the dude who sang at Ellen and Portia's wedding, says: "I cannot imagine topping that experience. I've never played a wedding before, and I probably won't again until it's my own.” Oh and what's this? Pictures in People on newsstands on Friday? Online today? Noted! [People]
• Post-Madonna and estranged wife Cynthia, Alex Rodriguez has been seeing women in Miami's South Beach as well as New York. Don't hate the player, hate the game. [Page Six]
• Britney's custody dispute has been resolved, but it certainly cost her: She owes lawyers over $700,000. [AP]
• Both Donnie Wahlberg and his wife filed for divorce from each other on the same day, within hours. The feeling is mutual. [TMZ]
• Joe Francis of Girls Gone Wild will be tried on federal charges in L.A. in September. Did he deduct $20 million in fraudulent expenses on corporate tax returns? He says his accountant set him up, but he also brought "contraband" (sleeping pills, prescription drugs and $700 in cash) into jail and is being sued by GGW ladies. [NY Times]
• Sadie Frost went over to Amy Winehouse's and "left in the early hours in tatters, wearing the singer’s ballerina pumps and showing off her bra strap through an unbuttoned dress." Also? Intoxicated. Obvs. [The Sun]
• Lily Allen's been airing her business on her MySpace: "Now, the album. It has been finished for a while now. I don't really know what's going on with it… I might go on another holiday as I don't have anything else to do." [Mirror]
• Lily Allen smacked a French woman in the street after the passerby called her a "fucking asshole." Amy and Lily need to get in the studio and off of the streets! [The Sun]
• Leonardo DiCaprio: "The worst dancer ever." [Page Six]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt want to have a "clan" like Brad and Angelina: adopted and biological kids. "We'd be so lucky to have a clan like that," says Heidi. She also says: "I used to want to be a missionary… Go to the U.N. for World Hunger and really, you know, not just go there for a safari, but go there to actually help." Lord help us all. [Yahoo News]
• Heidi and Spencer will get married: Heidi is just "waiting for that big ring." Also, she wants the wedding to air live on TV. She says she won't leave the show, because, "Where would I go?" How about "away"? [Pop Sugar]
• Oh, and by the way, Heidi and Spencer would love to take over The Hills. "I think that maybe Lauren is tired of [being on the show], but we’re just beginning," Heidi says. "We’re not even remotely sick of it." [People]
• Lauren Conrad on The Hills: "The show is definitely reaching its end. It's been so amazing and I've loved most of it, but I think there is going to come a time where I need to live my life for myself and not in front of viewers. I'm young and having fun with it now, but it's not something I am going to be able to do forever, obviously." [ET]
• In news older than your grandma, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears are being blamed for the popularity of small dogs. [Mirror]
• Tori Spelling's bad boob job will make your chest hurt. [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• Uma Thurman is on the cover of the new In Style and says she would maybe have more kids: "If it's meant to happen, it will. I love and adore being a mother." [People]
• Buckle your seatbelts: Peaches Geldof is moving to the U.S. [Mirror]
• Kelly Osbourne says of Peaches: "It’s a bit sad, to be honest. It’s a great big cry for help and people need to stop talking about her and, you know, maybe all she needs is a hug." [Daily Express]
• New couple alert: Bow Wow and Reverend Run's daughter Vanessa. [Page Six]
• Rhys Ifans and Kimberly Stewart wore leather ensembles on a date to famous sushi restaurant Nobu. [The Sun]
• Paris Hilton's boobs: Plastic or push-up bra? [Page Six]
• New Beyoncé album coming November 18. Title: Virtuoso Intellect. [The.Life Files]
• Critics will not be getting advance screeners of the new 90210, which could mean that it sucks. Stay tuned; the show premieres 9/02. [Perez Hilton]
• Brad Pitt is teaming up with Kiehl's but you won't be able to tell. [ET]
• As previously reported, Roseanne has written a post to Jon Voight on her Web site, and it reads thusly: "Your evil spawn Angelina Jolie and her vacuous hubby Brad Pitt make about $40 million a year in violent, psychopathic movies and give away three of it to starving children, trying to look as if they give a crap about humanity as they spit out more dunces that will consume more than their fair share and wreck the earth even more… Miss Jolie says she likes [John] McCain too and hasn't decided who to endorse....huh? Aren't you supposed to be somewhat enlightened, or do you not know that the African daughter you hold in every picture had parents who suffered and died because of the Republican party's worldwide economic assault on Africa over the last few decades since Reagan? It might be good for your Asian and African children's self-esteem to know you support [Barack Obama, a man of color] for the leader of the free world." [Us Magazine]