• "I'm not a designer," says Emma Watson. "If someone asked me to do something that was beneficial to a cause, then maybe I'd consider it, but not just ‘Look at me! I've got my own line!'" And as for perfume:

• "[It's] gotten so ridiculous," continues the actress. "The idea of making my own perfume makes me want to vomit." There's a joke about Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans in here somewhere. [WWD]
• The Cut did this awesome thing where they analyzed couture week by the numbers. Ever wondered how many feathers Jean Paul Gaultier uses in his couture collection? (Approximately 10,000.) Or the length of the train on Lara Stone's Chanel couture wedding dress? (200 meters.) Or the number of false eyelashes used for the Maison Martin Margiela eyelash vest? (275.) Well, now you can know all that — and much more. [The Cut]
• Madonna's back-up dancers wear Brooks Brothers. Who knew? [WWD]
• Simon Cowell and Sir Philip Green are forming an entertainment company together that'll span music, television, and fashion and other merchandising — and rumor has it they've signed Kate Moss to be a figurehead for the fashion division, and to act as a talent scout for new musical artists. [Daily Mail]
• Karolina Kurkova and her documentarian ex-Marine boyfriend are expecting their first child together. Blahopřejeme! [P6]
• Anthropologie is collaborating with the estate of print designer Vera Neumann, who started her business just after WWII by using surplus parachute silk for fabric and whose stated goal was to make one new print design every day of her life (she died with some 7,000 to her name). In addition to reproducing plates, bedding, and other homewares with Neumann's distinctive designs, Anthropologie is doing a book about Neumann, out next March. [W]
• Now this is just weird. For her Fall '09 campaign, Donna Karan decided to use runway photographs — all fine and good. But her creative team obviously Photoshopped the head of her chosen campaign model, Toni Garrn, onto the bodies of Sasha Pivovarova and Anya Kazakova. Anya and Sasha were in the show, had their pictures taken on the runway, and as Fashionologie's side-by-side shots prove, they now have both been digitally replaced from the neck up by Toni Garrn. (From the looks of things, Karlie Kloss was also Photoshopped into the background of the campaign images.) If Karan hasn't paid Kazakova, Pivovarova and Kloss for being featured in the campaign, their agencies have an awfully good case to make. [Fashionologie]
• Vivienne Westwood: "Take the tablecloth if it's beautiful and even take a towel if it's good enough, or the curtains or anything, and put things together yourself. Take things from your husband or your boyfriend, like boxer shorts or whatever — and you can take a beautiful thing as well and put it with a bit of rubbish. Don't spend money, just take what you can find. Take your old things, keep on wearing them. Don't buy much fashion anymore, but if you do buy it, choose really well, wear it for a long time, till it sort of drops off your back, it'll get even more wonderful, maybe. Even if it's horrible, if you wear it for ages it'll probably look better. Forget all this business with the washing machine and buying all these clothes. Choose well, if it's dirty, don't bother. Dirt is patina. It's patina." "Dirt is patina" is totally our new catchphrase. [WoW]
• Christian Audigier has denied that he is working on a line of kids' clothing with Jon Gosselin. [UPI]
• Of course there would be a product tie-in. Kooba is producing bags named after the female characters in NYC Prep. They're brightly colored and have gold-toned hardware, which is to say that they look like Kooba bags — and they cost $595. [Luxist]
• Balmain is said to be starting a handbag business. Buyers in Paris are being shown pre-collection samples in a half-dozen styles. We imagine anything in studded, black fringed leather, done in Christophe Decarnin's hot-right-now style, would sell like the proverbial hot cakes. [WWD]
• Oh, Jesus. What is this? Lara Stone is not a U.S. Size 6. (And by no method of conversion is a U.K. Size 8 a U.S. Size 6!) Pull the other one. Have you ever seen Lara Stone? Don't be distracted by her (awesome) boobies: she has a small frame and strikingly narrow hips. Certain fashion writers may long for that brief early 90s interregnum when certain models could be a Size 6, but the way to get back there is not to seize upon a buxom Size 2 girl and insert her into your Procrustean narrative. [The Cut]
• If you speak Italian, maybe you might want to watch this Italian television segment about Terry Richardson's Pirelli Calendar shoot in Bahia, Brazil. Given the nature of the Pirelli Calendar, it is NSFW. [BlackBook]
• Come this September, for $39, you will be able to buy a "limited edition" biscuit tin, printed with an Erin Fetherston fashion sketch and filled with six packets of LU cookies. This was totally one of those partnerships finalized before the recession. [WWD]
• U.S. Customs and Border Protection seized over 800 items of counterfeit Izod, Old Navy, and Gap denim items at a port in Charleston, South Carolina. The haul had an estimated value of over $727,000. [WWD]
• After having to expensively back out of a Fifth Avenue lease for a planned flagship store, and after announcing the need to refinance some $170 million in debt this spring, Marc Ecko is putting his company's 275,000 sq. ft. 23rd St. headquarters on the market. If anyone needs an office with a half basketball court, now's your time — the price is "negotiable." [Crain's via CityFile, which has pictures]
• Gene McCarthy is leaving his position as co-president of Timberland, effective the end of this week. The company would not explain the departure. [WWD]

• John Malkovich has a clothing line. Who knew? His collection, branded Technobohemian, is actually the actor's second foray into fashion, he launched a line called Uncle Kimono in 2002. We hope his Milan show models all wear Malkovich masks. [WWD]

• Milan menswear week overall is on somewhat shaky ground. Although it's only three days long, there are 93 collections being presented — some 15% more than in January. Some organizers are talking like they've seen the bottom of the market, but on the totality of the evidence, that view seems premature. [Reuters]
• Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, Anna Wintour's event planner extraordinaire and the woman behind the annual Met Costume Institute Gala is leaving her position. She actually says it's to spend more time with her family. [P6]
• British designer Paul Smith designed some rather innovative trash cans for London's Covent Garden and Holland Park. Shaped like 5' bunnies holding out big plastic bags, the rabbits' ears light up when people throw in their litter. It's a little Donnie Darko but cool. [UnBeige]
• A new Dolce & Gabbana ad has Claudia Schiffer, Eva Herzigova, Naomi Campbell, Noah Mills, Fernando Fernandes, and Tyson Ballou all completely naked. And yet the mood of the picture isn't all Calvin Klein tawdry. [FWD]
• Those boots from Emma Hemming's W shoot with Bruce Willis, in case anyone was wondering, were Nina Ricci Fall 2009. We were, of course, already familiar. [W]
• Alexa Chung's wardrobe from It's On With Alexa Chung is viewable, purchasable, and fully archived via the MTV website. In case one should want to buy anything the host wears. [WWD]
• Coach is said to be developing a signature line for its creative director, Reed Krakoff. The company has recently trademarked "Reed," "Reed Krakoff," and "RK." Krakoff has led the company since 1996. [FWD]
• Karl Lagerfeld's costume for Elena Glurdjidze, of the English National Ballet, was not the toast of the dance critics on opening night. The Telegraph called it an "awful outfit that put Elena Glurdjidze's Dying Swan in a feathered neck brace, which did nothing to aid her performance of Anna Pavlova's favourite party piece" and the Guardian said the tutu was "conceived with cavalier disregard for the ballerina's working body - the line of the neck broken by an egregious, fluffy ruff, the waistline broken by a too-high skirt." [FP]
• There are some behind-the-scenes shots of Pirelli's notable nudie calendar in the making. Fashionologie has the best gallery; these are by Terry Richardson, so you should consider them unsafe for work (and life?) [Fashionologie]
• Escada is said to be on the verge of bankruptcy, and needs to raise cash now to survive. [Reuters]
• Mulberry's profits are up, on the back of same-store sales that grew 21% in the 10 weeks to June 9. [FT]

• Gwyneth Paltrow has tired of the cosmetics contract gravy train; no longer shall the actress concentrate on embodying the qualities of the Estée Lauder brand. Instead, she'll be the new, white Oprah! [Daily Mail]

• Nanette Lepore has added her voice to the save the garment center chorus. [HuffPo]
• According to Jesus Luz's Brazilian agent, Sergio Mattos, Luz was paid $100 for the two-day Steven Klein shoot with Madonna that ended up in W. Let me say this one more time: that kind of pay is entirely standard for an editorial shoot, no matter one's modeling experience or industry status. [NY Post]
• Christina Aguilera looks, um, Photoshopped to high hell in the new Stephen Webster jewelry campaign. [Sun]
• Jerry Hall got a $750,000 advance from HarperCollins to write a memoir that would include full details on her life with Mick Jagger. But the manuscript Hall rendered proved too tame and cagey on the subject of Jagger for the publisher's taste; the supermodel has agreed to return the advance. (Side note: how many times do you get to read a word like "priapic" in the Daily Mail?) [Daily Mail]
• Terry Richardson just shot next year's Pirelli calendar in Trancoso, Bahia, Brazil. Georgina Stojiljkovic, Catherine McNeil, Abbey Lee Kershaw, and Daisy Lowe are purported to be featured, along with actual Brazilians Gracie Carvalho and Ana Beatriz Barros. Glamurama got a NSFW snap of Richardson in action, shooting a topless McNeil on a white horse. [Glamurama via Fashionologie]
• Supposedly, Zac Posen is in the early stages of producing a scripted series for the CW network about the equestrian world. Might be a wise move to diversify, as we keep hearing wild rumors that his label is in trouble. [The Cut]
• Erin Fetherston is also shooting a short film this week, starring Juliette Lewis, and her fall collection. Music is by Damon Dash. Her husband also confirmed that the designer will launch a line for home-shopping giant QVC this fall, probably during fashion week. [WWD]
• Stacey Bendet Eisner — yes, last year she married the son of that Eisner — is the designer behind Alice + Olivia. And she says there are exciting things to come for the brand, including an expanded line of embellished t-shirts, a jewelry line with Erickson Beamon coming out this November, and a possible cosmetics deal. [Blackbook]
• Macy's says not to expect deep markdowns this season — but it does want a lower-priced outlet store bearing its name, since Saks and Nordstrom both have them. [WWD]
• Douglas Reker, one of the bracingly new designers I'm personally most excited about, has just been picked up for fall by Barneys Coop. [Crain's]
• Now that Lakshmi Menon — two-time Indian Vogue covergirl — has had her only-girl editorial debut in American Vogue, industry commentators wonder aloud: Why has it taken so long for a South Asian supermodel to emerge? Sarah Doukas of London mega-agency Storm says it's because Indians are culturally conservative and don't want their daughters modeling; Menon says agencies don't have scouting networks on the subcontinent, and if you don't look for something, of course you won't find it. [Independent]
• England's National Trust is in talks to buy the home of the late designer Laura Ashley. [Telegraph]
• Leigh Lezark, who is a member of this preposterous thing called the MisShapes, but who nonetheless finds time in her busy schedule to "model", might be Matthew Williamson's new muse. Because a perpetually black-clad stony-stared New Yorker would be the perfect match for his exuberant tastes. [Fashionista]
• Rosa Chá, which is just about the best-looking and best-fitting swimwear out there, barring perhaps Norma Kamali, and therefore heartbreaking for its extravagant price, is losing its founding designer, Amir Slama. Slama, who launched Rosa Chá over two decades ago, is going to start a namesake swim collection. Brazilian Alexandre Herchcovitz will take over at Rosa Chá. [WWD]
• Diego Della Valle, the head of Italian leather goods brand Tod's, has doubled his investment stake in Saks Fifth Avenue, to 5.9%. [WWD]
• Alberta Ferretti, Moschino, and Pollini are all lowering their prices. Their parent company, Italy's Aeffe SpA, experienced steep losses in the first quarter of this year, and has thus formulated a cost-cutting plan that is intended to save $13.6 million over the course of 2010. In addition to lowering prices, Aeffe is shrinking its collections and planning layoffs. [WWD]

While the tears are Photoshopped out in the final image on the calendar, it's clear in the behind-the-scenes footage from the shoot that Fontana is crying. Tearing up, maybe, but still. And this is no top model challenge: She's already posed for Victoria's Secret, Elle, Vogue, Bazaar, Versace and Valentino. Watching the photographer coerce the models into doing bizarre and offensive things (more footage here) — smoke next to an elephant, run topless with frizzed out hair and a leopard-print bikini (how "savage"!) — makes you wonder: Why? Why would the models subject themselves to such icky stuff? Why did the photographer choose these painful concepts for a "pin-up" calendar? (Naomi Campbell posed in 2005, and didn't look quite as uncomfortable.) And, of course: If it's not sexy, and it's not selling tires, what's the point?

Making Of Pirelli Calendar [Spiegel]
Behind The Scenes Of The 2009 Pirelli Calendar In Botswana [SassyBella]