Here's the chorus of Beyonce's new jam: "But you're just a boy/You don't understand…How it feels to love a girl someday…You don't listen to her/You don't care how it hurts/Until you lose the one you wanted/Cause you've taken her for granted."

Somehow, Britney's song manages to have even less depth: "Lollipop/Must mistake me as a sucker/ To think that I would be a victim not another/ Say it play it how you wanna/ But no way I'm never going to fall for you/ Womanizer."

Certainly, there are songs that have worse messages for women, and it's not really logical to expect pop songs to pack a whole lot of nuance or lyrical complexity, but it bugs me that a message of empowerment through pop is usually delivered through the denigration of men. What about Christina Aguliera's "Beautiful" or Pink's "So What" or even Destiny's Child "Independent Women"? Can't we all just get along!?

If I Were A Boy [Z100]
Britney Spears ‘Womanizer’ Video Details Emerge [Popdirt]

• Angelina was on the red carpet in New York over the weekend, talking about her family. "Everybody's great," she said. "The babies are getting big and healthy and developing personalities." She says she has been a "little bit" sleep deprived but she and Brad find relief: "We have some help a couple of nights a week, so on those nights we catch up on our sleep." [UPI]
• Brad Pitt was there too: They are obviously not broken up. [Daily News]
• More from Angie: "Even if we lock our door, the children come knocking. We often try to have a bath alone together at the end of the night and sit and talk, but they hear the water and want to jump in. But it’s fun and it’s lovely – the thing about having six is once you’ve passed three or four, it’s so crazy anyway that it’s just more chaos and it’s all OK." When asked if she feels if she has completed her family, Angie said, "No." [Mirror]
• Angie somehow found time for two new tattoos: She now has the map coordinates of Nice, France, where her twins were born. [LA Times]
• But! As for adopting more kids Angie says: "I think we're going to wait a little while." [People]

• Lindsay Lohan is also feeling brood-y. She says: "At some point, I want to adopt a kid… A child in need or a newborn from another country. I’m not sure yet." [Mirror]
• Samantha Ronson sent Perez Hilton a check for $86,832: The amount to cover his legal fees in her failed libel lawsuit. [E!]
• Lauren Conrad on the rumor that she hooked up with Justin Bobby: "These accusations are so crazy, it's difficult for me to take them seriously. While my usual taste in guys isn't always perfect, I do prefer they shower regularly." [E!]
• History was made Saturday night, when Tyler Perry became the first African-American ever to launch his own major TV and film studio. Oprah cried. [People]
• Speaking of Oprah, she is being sued by the former headmistress of the Big O's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa for defamation of character. [E!]
• Amy Winehouse supposedly received a "welcoming" phone call from the Church of Scientology, in which they offered her detox help. So crazy it just might work? [Mirror]
• Amy Winehouse has one thing going for her: She's not broke. [Mirror]
• Blake Incarcerated sent Amy's dad a "vile and abusive" letter filled with threats. Sigh. [The Sun]
• Holy crap, did Courtney Love have gastric band surgery to stay thin? [Perez Hilton]
• Eddie Van Halen: Engaged. [People]
• Elizabeth Taylor is "heartbroken" after the death of Paul Newman. They starred together in Cat On A Hot Tin Roof and were friends for years. [Daily Express]
• Gossip Girl is pulling in better ratings than it did a year ago, but the producer says "We try not to live and die by the ratings." [NY Daily News]
• David Letterman has a great Sarah Palin recap video. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Miss Jackson is still nasty: Janet has postponed 3 more shows our her tour due to illness. [AP]
• Bruno, aka Sacha Baron Cohen, was at the Stella McCartney show, being disruptive by clapping along to the music "way too loud." Paul McCartney was just a few seats away. [Daily Express]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham in yet another pair of ridiculous shoes. [The Sun]
• Johnny Depp wants to be in the Little Britain movie. Computer says yes? [Mirror]
• Madonna's Sticky & Sweet tour kicked off this weekend in New Jersey; there were "guest appearances" by Kanye West and Justin Timberlake and the performance was a "success." This review says: "The 50-year-old has toughened up, replacing some of the frothiness of her pure pop days with a bracing physicality." [Variety]
• Kylie Minogue was seen "looking cozy" with a "dark-haired mystery man" in Paris. Get it! [The Sun]
• Rachael Ray has a benign cyst on her vocal cord, which she'll have minor surgery to remove in early December. [UPI]
• So you know how we heard that Ali Lohan might work with Johnny Wright, who had produced Justin Timberlake and the Jonas Brothers? Johnny Wright says: "Johnny Wright has never met with Ali Lohan, has never been introduced to Ali Lohan, nor has he had a meeting with Ali or Dina Lohan regarding Ali's music career. While he wishes Ali Lohan the best in all her endeavors, Mr. Wright has never had any intention of speaking with Ali Lohan regarding her career. Any story that has surfaced about such a meeting holds no merit and is completely false." Haha wow. [Page Six]
• Salma Hayek wore a traditional Bavarian dress on German TV and her cups runneth over. [The Sun]
• Pam Anderson delivered Hugh Hefner's birthday cake — in the nude. [Mirror]
• Beyoncé's "wedding" ring is about 18 carats and worth about $4.3 million dollars. Don't drop it down the drain! [Daily Mail]
• Blind items! #1: "Which wife of a rock superstar has been punishing him for going to strip clubs without her? The spouse has spent about $30 million on a house they don't really need to get back at him for not including her in his adventures." #2: "Which boy-band member is going to shock his female fans when he comes out of the closet?" [Page Six]
• Emma Thompson says her her biggest accomplishment in life was "giving birth without painkillers" and her happiest moment was: "just after giving birth without painkillers." [Daily Express]
• David Hasselhoff's ex-wife blabs about the Hoff being a drunk: "He’s an alcoholic. He has a disease, just like cancer." [Daily Mail]
• Shakira's for Obama. [AP]
• Rumer Willis was named after the British writer Rumer Godden: "I don’t know whether my mom had read much of her stuff, I guess she may have just been in a bookshop and liked the sound of it. I used to get teased at school, Rumer Tumor, that kind of thing, but I’ve got used to it. You do." [Times Of London]
• David Spade has texted Heather Locklear to check in with her. He says: "I think there's no one that doesn't feel for her or have nice things to say about her in my experience." [People]
• Bond vs. Bond! Sean Connery's new book, Being A Scot, has sold only 5,000 copies since its release in August. Roger Moore's biography, My Word Is Bond, is doing much better. [Telegraph]
• Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton says The Spice Girls are over. "We're all in our 30s now and, let's face it, by then most people aren't doing the same thing they were when they were 18, which is how old I was when I first met the girls. I'm ready to move forward." [Daily Mail]
• A judge has ordered a Texas doctor and his wife not to distribute video footage of Anna Nicole Smith's breast augmentation surgery in 1994. Thanks, judge. [The Star UK]
• Joss Stone will make her small screen debut in The Tudors, playing Henry VIII's wife Anne of Cleves. [Daily Express]
• Andrew Lloyd Webber doesn't want his kids to inherit his £750million fortune. He says: "They aren’t bothered. They don’t think that way. It is about having a work ethic – I don’t believe in inherited money at all. I am not in favour of children suddenly finding a lot of money coming their way because then they have no incentive to work." [Mirror]
• Does Marilyn Manson owe his former bandmate $20 million in back pay? He'll be in court November 3 and we'll find out. [E!]
• Sad face: Carol Channing fell at her home and broke her leg and hip. Speedy recovery! [Modesto Bee]
• If you want to know all about John Lennon's adultery pact, when he left Yoko Ono for a year of "reckless debauchery" and told her, "You must take a lover too," then click here. [Daily Mail]
• Kevin Bacon will produce a Showtime series called The Booths about the man who would assassinate Abraham Lincoln. [Variety]
• Rod Stewart's son is in rehab. [The Sun]
• Jude Law picked up some dancer at a club in NYC and she stayed "holed up" in his hotel room for three days. [Page Six]
• There's Bull Durham sequel in the works. No, really. [Page Six]
• "I'm going to stop playing when I'm 67 and work on what I really want to do, which is to be a minister, like Little Richard." — Carlos Santana. [Reuters]
• "I've always admired her talent. She's somewhat hampered sometimes by having this gorgeous face, the most gorgeous face on the planet. She's on covers and all that stuff. But she is a great talent, and it would be easy to overlook that, except after seeing this you realize that she is this great, talented person." — Clint Eastwood on Angelina Jolie, who stars in The Changeling, which he directed. [People]
• "I really loved my husband's penis. It was really pretty." — Pink. [Mirror]

[Paris, October 1. Image via INF]

[London, September 29. Image via INF]

[Toronto, September 22. Image via Splash.]

• Barneys Creative Director Simon Doonan and designer Jonathan Adler were wed yesterday at City Hall in San Francisco! This article states that they "sealed the union with a spirited sprint down the glorious grand staircase." Mr. Doonan wore a Liberty print shirt, Barneys Co-op jeans, a Prada V-neck and a Thom Browne velvet jacket. Mr. Adler wore Barneys Co-op jeans, V-neck, a Fred Perry sweater, and Adidas sneakers. [SFGate, Photo by Thor Swift]
• If Prop. 8 passes in California, "it would be the first time in American history that an existing minority right would be taken away by the vote of a majority." The Christian conservatives are ahead, in terms of fundraising. Karen Ocamb's article indicates that Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O’Donnell, Sir Elton John and Melissa Etheridge have not donated to the cause to fight Prop 8, according to the California Secretary of State’s Campaign Finance website. Ocamb writes: "While their visibility as openly LGBT celebrities and entertainment power players is important, their financial absence from the specific fight to save the fundamental right of same-sex couples to marry is hurting." [In L.A. Magazine]
• Katie Holmes made her Broadway debut in All My Sons last night and Tom Cruise loved it. "It was extraordinary," he says. [Yahoo News]

• Heidi Klum is freaking out about hosting the Emmys on Sunday. She says: "I get nervous when so many people are looking at me. It’s live and you go on stage and no one asks questions. To go out and just talk is terrifying." Heidi, when it doubt, say "deezigners." Everyone loves that! [The Sun]
• BREAKING: Ivana Trump flew coach. [Page Six]
• Pink's song about heartbreak, "So What," is her first No.1 song on Billboard's Hot 100. She says the track is not entirely autobiographical, but the opening line is, "I guess I just lost my husband." (Watch the video!) [Yahoo News]
• Nicole Kidman speaks about her baby and her hubby! She says: "To be given the blessing of a child at this stage of my life was wonderful." She also claims she and Keith can't stand to be away from each other. "We start to hurt after seven days. I've never wanted to live my life apart from the person I love. If you're going to be with someone, you're with them, you’re committed to them. I'm not sort of flitting around. If I fall, I fall — that's it. We gently fell into each other. We were two lonely people who went, 'Ah, there you are.'" [The Sun]
• After shooting 30 Rock with Oprah, Tina Fey says: "I would like to announce that we are officially best friends." [Chicago Tribune]
• You know how Amy Poehler is getting her own show? Will Arnett will be on it! Her husband! [Onion AV Club]
• Justin Timberlake is planning on writing a song for his friend Ellen DeGeneres and her new bride Portia de Rossi. "I actually made them a promise and I'm gonna stick to it," he says. Let you whip me if I misbehave… [UPI]
• Simon Cowell uses so much Botox he can no longer scowl. He says: "To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It simply works. You do it once a year — who cares?" Um, Simon, do you only brush your teeth only once a year?? [The Sun]
• George Clooney's character in Burn After Reading uses a sex ramp; apparently sales of this item are suddenly up. [Daily Express]
• Katherine Heigl earns about 22 times what her Grey's Anatomy costar Ellen Pompeo makes, thanks to her film career. (Other Grey's salaries are compared here, too.) [Portƒolio]
• Val Kilmer as the governor of New Mexico? Bill Richardson says yes! "I like the idea. Val Kilmer is a New Mexican; he was Batman. You know there have been successful actors going into politics." [Shakesville]
• Last night, Audrina Patridge maybe moved out of the house that she shared with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth. Plus: Rumors are swirling that she's getting her own spin-off show. Please let JustinBobby be in it! [TMZ]
• Oooh the Jack White/Alicia Keys Bond theme! It's called "Another Way To Die." Listen here. [Concrete Loop]
• So you know how Robert Downey Jr. is going to play Sherlock Holmes in a flick directed by Guy Ritchie? Jude Law will play Watson. [Ain't It Cool]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and Mario Batali will do another 13 episodes of their cooking show; this time in Italy. [Perez Hilton]
• Contrary to reports, two of Paris Hilton's dogs were NOT eaten by a coyote. [Page Six, People]
• Pat O'Brien is leaving The Insider. [People]
• Ryan O'Neal's lawyer says: "Those were not Ryan's drugs, he doesn't use drugs." [People]
• Gary Coleman's lawyer says "he did nothing wrong." This comes after Coleman allegedly ran over a dude who tried to take his picture with a camera phone. [People]
• Janet Jackson's Rock Witchu tour: "Overloaded with blinding dazzle, pyrotechnics and gaudy style over substance. The myriad production numbers were reminiscent of a poor Vegas revue and emotionally distant, the band and backup singers bolstering her vocals hidden away, leaving one to wonder if some — or most — of it was prerecorded." [Reuters]
• Is Britney Spears getting special treatment for her driving without a valid license trial? [AP]
• Broke oil "heir" Brandon Davis owes money all over town. [Page Six]
• Is Kathy Griffin moving her Life On The D-List show from Bravo to some other network? [Page Six]
• Denise Richards' show: Getting canceled? [Page Six]
• Joan Prather of Eight Is Enough was arrested after dragging an L.A. County Sheriff's deputy down the Pacific Coast Highway with her car. [TMZ]
• China's Ugly Betty is not ugly enough. [Guardian]
• Speaking of Ugly Betty, America Ferrera says Henry and Gio will be back on Season 3. [EW]
• Alex and Cynthia Rodriguez: Officially divorced. That was quick! [TMZ]
• LL Cool J is pissed because Jessica Simpson's album beat his on the charts. [MSNBC]
• Ronnie Wood's estranged wife says: "I'm enjoying my new freedom." [The Sun]
• Ashton Kutcher doesn't know how to spell step-daughter Tallulah's name. [Perez Hilton]
• Does Playboy treat black women like crap? [TMZ]
• The Spice Girls have beaten Led Zeppelin for an award for the best music reunion. Girl powah! [BBC News]
• Tracy Chapman is releasing her first new album in years, and you can listen to a track here. [Perez Hilton]
• "I do believe in marriage… But I just think for me, it’s not a desperate kind of thing. In America it’s definitely something that seems to be a major goal with every woman – the big wedding day. I don’t need that. I want total commitment and spiritual connection, and I am lucky because that’s what I’ve got. One of the things that first attracted me to my boyfriend is his brain. He’s very well-read and really sexy to me. Brains are the most important thing to me, because I feel I lack them. I want them from the man I am with. I love a well-read man – that is such a turn-on." — Eva Mendes. [Mirror]

• "If I were writing a letter to Sarah Palin it would be a lot of whys and hows. Who are you? Do you know? Why do you hate animals? Please point out Iraq on a map… This woman hates women. She is not a feminist. She is not the woman that's going to come behind Hillary Clinton and do anything that Hillary Clinton would've been capable of … I can't imagine overturning Roe vs. Wade. She's not of this time. The woman terrifies me." — Pink. [Perez Hilton]
• Lindsay Lohan on Sarah Palin: "Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe? Oh, and...Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!" [TMZ]
• Lindsay and Samantha Ronson: Seen in an "intense liplock" for "at least half an hour" at NYC's trendy Beatrice Inn. [Page Six]
• Lindsay punched a paparazzo because she thought he tripped her, but actually, she tripped on a metal barricade. Whoops. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Lopez completed her first-ever triathlon on Sunday in Malibu and raised $127,000 for the Children's Hospital of L.A. in the process. A very quick "recovery" from the "foot injury" she had that prevented her from judging the Project Runway fashion show on Friday. Could it be that she wanted a part in a Harvey Weinstein film, and found out she wasn't getting it, so pulled out? [MSNBC]

• Has being Woody Allen's muse turned Scarlett Johansson into a bitch? [Page Six]
• Liz Taylor went to her favorite gay bar on Thursday night! She was out at The Abbey in West Hollywood. Says a witness: "She was lively. She was laughing and she was smiling." Apparently she "held court" in a back corner, holding a martini while a friend held her Maltese, Daisy. [People]
• Five Leaves, the Brooklyn bar owned in part by Heath Ledger's estate, has opened. The decor is '20s-era industrial steel. Mary-Kate Olsen and Michelle Williams maybe attended the unofficial opening. [Gothamist]
• Frances Bean Cobain's 16th birthday party was a "suicidal 16" bash in which guests were awarded prizes if they dressed the "most dead." Girl, where is your mother? Oh yeah. [E!]
• Producer Swizz Beatz is getting divorced and Alicia Keys could be "the other woman." [Rush & Molloy]
• Carla Bruni's ex, Jean-Paul Enthoven (she left him for his son, with whom she had a kid before marrying President Nicolas Sarkozy) is getting "revenge" with a novel. The main character is a cold, wealthy, shopping-obsessed woman. [Times of London]
• Amy Winehouse didn't show up to her own birthday party. She missed a guitar-shaped birthday cake! [The Sun, Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have made a $2 million donation to create a health center for AIDS and tuberculosis affected children in Ethiopia. The center will be named after daughter Zahara. [E!]
• Guinness World Records says that Brad and Angelina are the world's Most Powerful Actor and Actress. But we all know Maddox, Pax, Zahara, Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne are actually in control. [UPI]
• Daniel Dae Kim of Lost pleaded no contest to drunk driving charges (from Oct. 25) and paid a $500 fine. [Breitbart]
• The Promises Foundation received an autographed oil painting of Britney Spears from Britney Spears, which they're going to sell on eBay with a starting bid of $10,000. Good luck with that! [UPI]
• See the painting here. She's not wearing a top. [TMZ]
• Is manager Larry Rudolph to thank for Britney's epic turn around? [Daily Mail]
• Brit threw her boys a truck-themed birthday party on Saturday. Jamie Lynn brought daughter Maddie. The kids drove around in toy cars with personalized license plates. There were no DUIs. That we know of. [Yahoo News]
• Naomi Campbell is in love, and after having surgery on her ladyparts, thinks she would like to have a baby. [Daily Mail]
• George Takei and Brad Altman were married Sunday in a multicultural ceremony at the Japanese American National Museum that featured a Buddhist priest, Native American wedding bands, a Japanese Koto harp and a bagpipe procession. [Yahoo News]
• "I did not set out to make a controversial film or a social commentary. If Dakota Fanning is so shamed for telling that story, what message does that give victims? I did not set out to make a statement, but in the 12-year process of trying to get this film made I have been unable to avoid facing the politics of being a woman filmmaker and telling women stories…" — Deborah Kampmeier, director of Hounddog, the film often called the "Dakota Fanning rape movie." [NY Times]
• Maryline Blackburn, who won the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant — when Sarah Palin came in second — is now a singer living in Atlanta. Blackburn, who is African-American, says, "Sarah was kinda in my top five. You're kind of looking at all the girls and when I first saw her I thought, 'Oh my goodness, she's absolutely beautiful.' She's a gorgeous woman." But! On November 4? "It's all about Obama, Obama," Blackburn says. [WSBTV]
• Jennifer Hudson: Engaged to boyfriend David Otunga. [People]
• Peaches Geldof and husband Max Drummey now have matching tattoos. [Mirror]
• Spike Lee is ending his feud with Clint Eastwood and maybe starting one with Judd Apapoe [sic]. [Deadline Hollywood]
• Kylie Minogue will perform on the artificial Palm Island in Dubai at the opening ceremony of a 5-star hotel… Ending speculation that Madonna was gonna do the gig. [Mirror]
• John Mayer did a striptease for Heidi Klum. Yeah. [Rush & Molloy]
• Check out Beyoncé playing a hot cop in her new video. [Concrete Loop]
• Damon Dash indeed has sole custody of his son, Damon Jr. His ex girlfriend enrolled the 16-year-old in school in Long Island when he went to visit her, but a judge was like: No. [UPI]
• The only Sienna Miller fansite online might be shutting down! Says the webmistress: "I cannot get past the fact that to me she has completely changed from the Sienna I became a fan of back in 2004." [ONTD]
• This picture shows Sienna walking while Balthazar Getty drives alongside her, in an effort not to be photographed together. [The Sun]
• Contrary to earlier reports, Holly Madison did not dump Hef for Criss Angel! [E!]
• While accepting her award at the Creative Arts Emmys for the video "I'm Fucking Matt Damon," Sarah Silverman said: "Thanks to the person for whom this whole video was made: Jimmy Kimmel, who broke my heart – ohh, who'll always have a place in my heart." [People]
• Matt Damon and Wyclef Jean distributed rice, beans and oil to residents of Haiti, where hundreds of people are homeless and hungry after four devastating hurricanes have hit since mid-August. [Yahoo News]
• Shannen Doherty has shot four episodes of the new 90210, which is all she signed up for. Will she do more? Does the CW want her to? [Yahoo News]
• Shenae Grimes has been "tormenting everyone on set" of the new 90210. [Page Six]
• Mark Ronson and Daisy Lowe: Splitsville. [Mirror]
• A bunch of teachers spill about what stars Amy Winehouse, Jude Law, Simon Cowell and Lily Allen were like as kids. Guess who was an arrogant, "polished character" and popular with the girls? [Guardian]
• Short on cash, Pete Doherty paid for a taxi with paintings he'd done. [The Sun]
• Queen Latifah was going to call her new album The L Word "just for fun" to mess with people who think she is gay. (But, um, isn't she?) [Daily Express]
• Cyndi Lauper to mentor contestants on Australian Idol! [News.com.au]
• Sir Paul McCartney will be guarded by armed secret agents during his gig in Israel — he's apparently the "enemy of Muslims." [The Sun]
• Richard Gere and Debra Winger: Acting together again for the first time since An Officer and a Gentleman? [Fox 411]
• David Beckham: Booed, after his soccer football team lost. [Independent]
• Steve Irwin's 4-year-old son wants his own TV show. [Independent]
• "There is such a great lesson to learn in having your children in the kitchen with you. Children can smell the smells and watch all that goes into the preparation of the food. It’s a five-sense experience for them." — Rachael Ray. [NY Times]
• "I feel there must be an enormous amount of really talented songwriters out there who can't sing. So, please, send me your songs." — Roger Daltrey of The Who. [Daily Express]

[Los Angeles, September 8. Image via x17]

Cut between the shots of Pink acting out are shots of Pink singing to Carey. Sometimes he ignores her, sometimes he rolls his eyes, sometimes they're at each other's throats. And, for a moment, he embraces her.

Schaefer claims this adds an "element of 'no really, we're actually handling this in a freakishly mature way.'" I don't know what you call it, but I love Pink. Love her. Clip below.

P!nk’s New Video Shows You How To Deal With A Breakup In A Totally Mature Way [BWE]

[Los Angeles, August 6. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Many of the songs from MacNeil's Born A Woman, according to the artist, "would have been sung at rallies, demonstrations or meetings that we attended." Reading MacNeil's words made me wonder: what would be the feminist anthems of today?

One that comes to mind is Le Tigre's "Hot Topic", in which Kathleen Hanna and co. chant a litany of feminist icons including "Gertrude Stein, Marlon Riggs, Billie Jean King, Ut, DJ Cuttin Candy, David Wojnarowicz, Melissa York, Nina Simone." (Side note: the link to those lyrics includes an ad for Pink Cupid.com, where you can meet your lesbian match! I guess feminist = lesbian to advertisers). Also possibilities, Pink's "Stupid Girls" and Nellie McKay's ironic "Mother Of Pearl", which sends up feminist stereotypes. Any other suggestions for feminist anthems of the aughts?

Rita MacNeil Dumbfounded By RCMP File On Her And Other 1970s Feminists [Canadian Press]

[Malibu, August 3. Image via INFDaily]

[Los Angeles, July 22. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• As per her custody settlement, Britney Spears will get to see her sons 3 times a week, with two overnight visits and potential for more: It's basically like 40% of the time; not bad. [Yahoo News]
• Britney's new songs are, um, angry. The lyrics to one track: "You know they treat me like an ATM, but y'all know that I’m too good for ‘em." [Mirror]
• Britney made a rare public appearance on Saturday night: she attended Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey's fundraiser for Generation Rescue, an organization dedicated to researching autism. [People]
• Angelina Jolie left the hospital in Nice, France on Saturday, a week after giving birth to twins Knox and Vivienne. "Angelina left at 4 a.m. in a blacked-out ambulance," a source tells E! News. "And she's now back at Château Miraval with Brad, the kids, her brother, James Haven, and Bill and Jane Pitt, Brad's mom and dad." So many people. Full house! [Yahoo News, E!]
• Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones went to rehab after being on a "booze marathon," but instead of deciding to back to his wife, he's been pining for the 19-year-old model and cocktail waitress he'd been hooking up with. Maybe he hasn't fully sobered up yet? [Mirror]

• Khloe Kardashian's stint in jail sucked! On her way to the hoosegow, a woman on KK's bus had a seizure. The bus was rerouted to a different facility, but a bomb scare at the jail triggered a lockdown — KK had to go into solitary confinement. Then Khloe was cold, so she asked for a blanket — and was denied. She had to watch videos on how to be a good prisoner and was not allowed to change out of her street clothes. Khloe served 173 minutes. [TMZ]
• Not sure why we need to know this but here it is: Jerry O'Connell and Rebecca Romijn are trying to get pregnant. [People]
• Courtney Love wrote a long and rambling MySpace blog post to "Gawker people." [Gawker]
• Frances Bean Cobain is the summer aide at Rolling Stone, but a source says: "she doesn't get coffee for anyone… calls in sick all the time and wears funny outfits." [Page Six]
• Remember how Lindsay Lohan used to live with "close" friend and openly gay Courtenay Semel? Yeah. [Perez Hilton]
• You know how all of the tabloids are reporting on Lindsay and Sam just like any other celebrity couple? Michael Musto says, "I've read things in gossip columns that would never go there in the past and realized, 'Wow, they're going there now.' They don't consider gay a dirty thing anymore. And it's very cool." This is an interesting article about why LL and Sam's relationship is different than other same-sex celebrity relationships that get ignored by the tabloids. [LA Timmes]
• Dina Lohan got Lindsay's age wrong when she was on the CBS Early Show. [Full Disclosure]
• Lance Bass has a new man, a Brazilian personal trainer named Sebastian Leal. Except Sebastian is married. To a lesbian. For green card purposes. And she wants to get divorced so she can marry her girlfriend. Messy. [Perez Hilton]
• Heather Mills is on a £250,000 vacation with her new lover, 36-year-old Jamie Walker. [Mirror]
• Carey Hart on Pink: "We talk all the time and try to stay connected as much as possible. It's a tough situation to be in but I love her to death. I miss everything about her." Sigh. Sad face. [People]
• Jessica Simpson performed her first country show on Saturday night! She was booed. [Perez Hilton]
• Blake Incarcerated is to be sentenced today! Will he be let go? Will he and Amy be reunited? [Telegraph]
• Pharrell Williams is going to be a daddy. The lady in question is a "model type" who travels with him. Naturally. [Page Six]
• Here's a twisty take on the A-Rod story you haven't heard: Alex Rodriguez is "emotionally abused" by wife Cynthia. "Alex has always been into psychotherapy, making himself mentally stronger," a source spills. "He's had several therapists. Cynthia has a master's degree in psychology. Once she found out how vulnerable he was, she got into his head. Several of us begged him not to marry this woman, but he did it anyway." [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which newly married diva recently went bananas after reading flirty text messages from her new hubby's ex on his BlackBerry? She locked him out of their (her) house for two nights. Memo to ladies everywhere: If you don't want to know, don't start snooping." [Full Disclosure]
• You've gotta love this picture of Hugh Jackman being "held up" at "gunpoint." [TMZ]
• Pete Doherty has a new ladyfriend, a model named Robin Whitehead. How does he do it? [Mirror]
• Shannen Doherty: Looking forward to appearing on the new 90210. [UPI]
• Shannen will play the director of the West Beverly High's musical. Once more with feeling! [E!]
• DMX has been arrested. Again. That's the second time this month and the third time in three months, if you're keeping track. [UPI]
• You won't see any more of the Verne Troyer sex tape: The law suit's been settled. Small miracles! [AP]
• Darryl McDaniels of Run-DMC had two major blood clots removed from his left arm on Friday. Be well! [AP]
• Is Sean Connery refusing to give his son money to teach the young man to earn a living on his own? [UPI]
• There are "rumored lovers" on the new season of Project Runway and you can click here if you want to know who they are. [ONTD]
• Bravo has picked up Sarah Jessica Parker's art competition reality show. On American Artist, contestants produce a painting, sculpture or other artwork which is judged by a panel of experts. [Reuters]
• Joss Stone is dating Nelly? For real? [Mirror]
• Jimmy Fallon's Late Night will start on the web first. Interesting. [NY Times]
• Is Kelly Osbourne engaged? She's been wearing a ring on THAT finger. Boyfriend Luke Worrell is 18; Kelly is 23. [This Is London]
• Salman Rushdie dates beautiful young women; Brit paper asks, "Just how DOES he do it?" [Daily Mail]
• Three words: L Word spinoff. [UPI]
• Two dudes who are not her father debate whether Miley Cyrus is growing up too fast. [Newsweek]
• Kate Beckinsale's lips "fluctuate in size." [Awful Plastic Surgery]
• The new Gossip Girl ads revel in the show's scandalous reputation. Words like "very bad," "inappropriate," "nasty" and "nightmare" are plastered over the too-hot-for-their-own-good stars. [TVGasm]
• "Ohmygod. You're not going to do this to me, are you? Tell me you're not going to do this. Oh come on! It's been such a long time. Hire somebody that knows enough that we don't have to explain this again." — Gillian Anderson, after being asked why The X-Files is such a big deal. [Newsweek]
• "Lulu is very outgoing, so not like me at all. Max is nasty, mean. He came from two abused homes, so he has baggage. He has short legs and is chubby and hairy, like me before electrolysis. I've learnt a lot from Lulu. When her leg was amputated, she just got right on with her life. No self-pity. She just accepted that she was the Heather Mills of Boston terriers." — Joan Rivers on her dogs. [Daily Mail]

[New York, July 15. Image via INFDaily]

[New York, July 13. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

• More than 600 homes and businesses in Europe were raided for making "liquid ecstasy," a drug commonly used for date-rape. • Update on nude child art photo in Australia! The dad had apparently written some psychological blog posts about children's sensuality and now people think that proves his wife's photos are child porn. • In a recent study, controlling moms tended to be "verbally aggressive" moms. • An interesting study of medical student's empathy towards patients found that white students were less empathetic towards a virtual "black" patient. • A Kenyan waitress who was fired from her job for being HIV-positive was awarded $34,000 in a landmark ruling. • A straight man in The Purse Forum?! What very important lessons about conspicuous consumption will he teach these handbag obsessed ladies? • Miss Washington says she was just "clowning around" when some "racy" photos of her were leaked on the internet at the beacon of interesting news, TMZ. • Alpha Kappa Alpha, the oldest black Greek sorority celebrates their 100th anniversary. Members say there was no infamous "paper-bag test" and that the only bias was an "intelligence" bias.

[Malibu, May 18. Images via Splash.]

The Accused: TMZ
The Crime: Reducing women to body parts; comparing and contrasting those parts.
The Evidence: "Jammed into the public eye, female celebs are forced to grow, shrink and generally just change shape right in front of our eyes." It's a gallery of breast and cleavage images. So it's not about a woman as a whole, as a thinking and feeling human, huh. It's how well her tits are holding up. Is it any wonder women actually believe that cosmetic surgery is a necessary step toward self-esteem? That cutting yourself open and inserting silicone will make you feel better? Oh! And AOL owns TMZ, don't forget.
The Sentence: A 100-page essay on the Venus of Willendorf.

Reader-Submitted Accusation: Perez Hilton
The Crime: Mocking of weight.
The Evidence: "Unless we need to get our eyes checked, it totally looks like Kirstie Alley got fat again! It's a good thing she's no longer hawking Jenny Craig! Here is Alley flying out of LAX this past weekend. She probably needs to book two seats just for her these days." Reader Jen says: "I think it's pretty mean to bash celebrities over their weight, and I'm sure she knows she's not a skinny person and doesn't need the world poking fun at her. She is still an incredibly funny, beautiful (I'd kill for her hair), intelligent woman, and her weight is not all that defines her. How about sticking to gossip that doesn't always bash people's personal appearances; everyone gains and loses weight, but it doesn't change who they are, just the number on the scale." Well said!
The Sentence: A 100-page essay on Rubens

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna
The Crime: Mocking a fit woman.
The Evidence: "Well, this is an odd pairing: Pink with Bai Ling. Here they are both in their bikinis kayaking in Malibu, and guess what? I'm not turned on in the least. It's one lesbian fantasy that just doesn't work. I know I said earlier that I dig Bai Ling but that was in transfer of money kind of way, and Pink I definitely can't get it up for. The thought of both our rock hard bodies pressed against each other just made me wish I never even wrote that." Women are mocked for being too fat and for being too fit? As if Pink gives a shit about your erection. Just like her song, it's just you and your hand tonight, buddy.
The Sentence: A drop-kick and a paddle across the face from Pink herself.

The Accused: DListed
The Crime: Mocking a woman's weight.
The Evidence: The story is titled "Mimi's Wedding Pictures Coming Soon" and the image is a cow wearing a veil and holding a bouquet. Hilarious, right? The woman who writes her own songs and has had more hit singles than Elvis is a bovine, a heifer, a hooved farm animal. Yeah, I don't love MC but that is not funny.
The Sentence: Thou shalt be force-fed a cow pie covered in Hello Kitty sprinkles.

Special Drunken Stepfather Section:
So Guanabee conducted an interview with "Jesus Martinez" of Drunken Stepfather. Martinez says: "I was inspired to start the site because I was pissed off, knew I couldn't get a job working in any industry and figured I'd do it on my own. It wasn't a business and still isn't a business, it was just a place to take out my frustration kinda like my virtual punching bag. I am not and never was interested in celebrities. I guess I started my attack on them because they are the idols of popculture and I knew they were full of shit. I guess it was a combo of liking naked chicks and seeing these celebs not at their best or slippin' up on their contrived bullshit images that gave me enough content to continue tellin' my stories and spreading my irreverent word to about 5 people."

It's this ire that leads him to write things like this:

"So it's Lily Allen's birthday and she's wearing some kind of see through dress when she should really be wearing some kind of Mascot Costume because at least that way bitch would look cute. I can only assume that she forgot to wear a bra because she's so distraught that her baby will never see it's first birthday because it's living in a pair of bloody panties she just can't seem to bring herself to throw out. I guess that's the harsh reality of smoking and drinking' while knocked up and a miscarriage is just the small price you have to pay for being an irresponsible joke of an expecting mother.

Either way, here are her nipples that her baby will never get to suckle on for food, because her baby never made it out of her rotten vagina and I'd like to think that he's not the first one to feel the negative effect of her lady parts. In reality, I think every dude who's ever fucked her can relate to that miscarriage because as soon as they were done with her and looked into her face and realized what they did, they wanted to die too. "

"That's a tough call because I am the kind of guy who does take life a little too seriously at times and gets frustrated or pissed off at the world, but I wouldn't consider myself an angry or hateful person. I think I mock the norms of what is considered acceptable and say things that I think other people are thinking but are too pussy to say, but I am not an activist or really passionate about my ideals and in reality - pretty inconsistent.

I don't hate any gender, any race, any religion, any mindset other than people who choose to live the conventional suburban middle-class risk-free life. I can't grasp that shit and just see people who have given up on their dreams and passions for social acceptance.

I have Black, White, Jewish, Asian friends. I have devout Christian friends and Muslim friends. I have met all kinds of people and I would never say I hate people but I would say I hate how society represents people. And that's what I write."

• Mischa Barton claims she is a PhotoShop Of Horrors victim: A new batch of paparazzi beach shots showed her legs riddled with cellulite. "Those photos are doctored," Barton's rep, Lisa Perkins, says. "I'm not saying she's perfect, nobody is. But they've given a 22-year-old woman the legs and bottom of an 80-year-old." The pix were taken by the dude she's pissed at for snapping topless shots; the same one who ran Nicole Kidman off of the road. [Rush & Molloy]
  
• You can see the pictures here, with a regular paparazzi shot as well. Photoshop? [Daily Mail]
  
• Apparently Mariah Carey wanted a $3 million wedding with doves and orchids and Nick Cannon wanted to get married ASAP with no fuss. Mariah agreed because, as she has said, "We really do feel we are soulmates. I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me." Aww, that should be sweet but somehow it's fucking annoying. [Mirror]
  
• Lindsay Lohan: Seen doing shots of tequila with Lauren Conrad! LL turned her back so no one would see; unfortunately she was facing a window and the whole bar could see her reflection. Whoops! [Rush & Molloy]
  
• Meanwhile: You know how Lindsay had finally gotten a movie role? In that Manson Girls flick? Well she's been kicked off of the project. Producers "discovered that they couldn't find any name actresses who wanted to co-star with her," says Nikki Finke. [Deadline Hollywood via ONTD]

• It looks like officials in Malawi are all set to grant full adoption rights to Madonna. A document says: "Mr and Mrs Ritchie have shown a strong commitment in providing the infant with all essential needs like love, safe home environment, care, protection, material as well as emotional support." [Yahoo News]
• Jessica Simpson will be little sister Ashlee's maid of honor. At Ashlee's yet-to-be-scheduled wedding. [People]
• Jeremy Piven and Pink: Seen "all over each other" and "dancing really close." [Page Six]
• Alec Baldwin may want to switch careers. "In a matter of weeks, I'm going to be 50," he says. As long as he doesn't leave 30 Rock! [Page Six]
• Even though Tom Cruise told Oprah that he regrets his infamous argument on the Today show, Matt Lauer, Lauer says, "I don't think he needs to apologize. I don't feel there are any hard feelings. It was an interview. It was a good moment on television." Oh Matt. You're glib, Matt. Glib. [People]
• Jessica Alba challenges you to a staring contest. [People]
• Katie Holmes "has got the itch" to have another baby. Praise Xenu! [E!]
• Poor Uma Thurman may be in court again! Lancôme is suing Uma as a preemptive strike: Her contract as the face of the cosmetics company expired in 2005; yet her picture was seen in ads on Asian websites and on a Canadian billboard recently. [E!]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt get their locks lightened by the same colorist. News you can use. [E!]
• Josh Brolin as George W. Bush. [E!]
• Daisy Lowe, 19, is loving hanging out with new boyfriend Mark Ronson, 32. Sigh. [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Um, Chloe Lattanzi, daughter of Olivia Newton-John and contestant on Rock The Cradle, seems to have had quite a bit of collagen injected into her lips. And maybe a nose job. [ONTD]
• When Simon Cowell was a teenager, he hated school so much he was practically suicidal. He says, "I was so bored. I didn't like rules or discipline. So when someone said, 'These are the best days of your life' I actually thought about jumping off a bridge." [Mirror]
• Foxy Brown pleaded guilty to "menacing" a woman with her BlackBerry in 2007 and thereby avoided going on trial for assault. Time for a kinder, gentler Foxy! [Reuters]
• There is audio of the domestic violence 911 call involving Vanilla Ice, if you care to hear it. [The Superficial]
• Madonna is endorsing secondary ticket sales for her upcoming tour, which means if at first it seems like it's sold out, it might not be — if you have the cash. [Financial Times]
• Ashton Kutcher slept around before he met Demi Moore, surprise, surprise. [The Sun]
• Daniel Depp got his debut novel published, maybe because he is Johnny Depp's (half) brother? [Independent]
• Hot hottie Gary Dourdan of CSI has been charged with felony drug possession. Maybe I'm old but I remember him best as the gorgeous man in the Janet Jackson video. [Yahoo News]
• Rihanna kissing Chris Brown at KFC! LOL! [Concrete Loop]

There were a lot of nauseating elements of this show, what with all the shoe analogies and shit, which is perhaps why they made everything so pink, so as to simulate a giant spoonful of Pepto Bismol.

And speaking of pink:

Dude has on a pink shirt with floral cuffs, and he's FREAKING out about SJP. I think it's safe to say that this is the gayest this guy has acted since he started having anal sex with other men.

They actually made it a point to acknowledge the other gay men in the audience as well.

None of them are nearly as fun as Pinky though.

Earlier: Oprah's Favorite Things 2007: The Audience Freaks Out!

[Malibu, April 30. Image via x17]

• It's official: Nina Garcia is officially a has-been. The recently-fired Elle fashion director is now partnering with Bayer and Yaz to judge a contest in which people submit designs for a new little case to hold birth control pills. I don't know about you, but I like the purple faux-suede "wallet" that my Yasmin comes in just the way it is. [Fashionista]
  
• OMG sneak peek of Nina and Christian Siriano's performance on this week's Ugly Betty. [Sassybella]
  
• Radiohead: Fighting sweatshops. [Yahoo]
  
• Fergie is so P.C.: "I really love people who wear fashions of their own culture; they really touch me and inspire me. I'd like to call myself cultured and not just because I travel a lot and see various hotel rooms. I love driving around, seeing what people on the street are wearing, I would even ask my driver to take me to a cool, young part of town for inspiration. If I went to Africa I would come back with tons of different things, because I truly wouldn't find those things anywhere else." [Chic Report]

• Victoria's Secret is getting a taste of its own medicine: The retailer is being sued by Juicy Couture, which claims that the lingerie chain stole designs and marketing ideas. [WWD, sub req'd]
• A tentative agreement appears to have been reached between Bloomingdale's and the retail employees union. [WWD, sub req'd]
• It's hard to be Zoe Kravitz: "I commute on the Metro North from SUNY Purchase through Grand Central, so that takes most of my time. But I still get to wear Chanel tonight, which is always an upside." [Fashion Week Daily]
• The Versace vacation home in Italy has been sold to a Russian gajillionaire. [WWD, 1st item]
• Lanvin designer Alber Elbaz is designing a denim line for Acne Jeans. He promises it will offer silhouettes other than ubiquitous 'skinny jean.' Does that mean women over a size 10 can wear them? [Fashion Week Daily]
• Crotchity folks are claiming that the Ralph Lauren Ricky bag bears an uncanny resemblance to the Hermes Birkin bag. [Fashion Week Daily]
• At last: Service journalism you can actually use. Here's how to fix a broken nail. [BellaSugar]
• Wanna invest in Cavalli? Quick! Act now! [Reuters]
• Lord & Taylor is thinking about opening a store outside of the U.S, preferably in Canada or Mexico. Way to live dangerously, L&T. [NYT]
• How to dress like Madonna on the cheap. (Yes, go ahead and insert joke here.) [USA Today]
• Guys have body image issues; feel insecure shopping at Casual Male store. [WSJ]
• Since the economy sucks, outlets might be the only way for luxury retailers to make money. [WSJ]
• Bruce Willis' girlfriend Emma Harding: Now the face of La Senza lingerie. Glad things are working out for the girl based on her hard work and merit alone. [Daily Mail]

[Malibu, April 24. Image via x17]

The Accused: The Superficial
The Crime: Reducing a woman to her looks; criticizing said looks.
The Evidence: "Brooke Hogan causes bewilderment in my pants. 1. Don't ever, EVER stare directly into the camera again. I'm now deaf from the ear-shattering scream of my penis. 2. You're not Kim Kardashian. If I wanted to see a dude's butt, I'd watch football - with a room full of male strippers. I don't half-ass anything. Ha! Get it? Ba doom sha! But, seriously, no one needs to see that thing. 3. Be cognizant of what words you're standing under. Particularly the letters 'T, R, A, N, S.'" Hey, I don't love Brooke Hogan. I think it's weird that she bleaches her hair to look like her mom and dad and um, her dad's new girlfriend. But it's just not fair to call her a tranny. She can't help that she inherited genes from her 6 foot 4 and 238 pound father. And there's nothing she can do about it. And being tall and broad doesn't mean you're not a woman! Heh, "broad."
The Sentence: A Powerslam by Hulk Hogan himself.

The Accused: IDontLikeYouInThatWay
The Crime: Again, reducing a woman to her looks; criticizing said looks. And saying that a woman looks like a man.
The Evidence: "2001's international pop sensation, Pink, was in Malibu this weekend with some dude and an unfortunate bikini. Pink is the dude in the bikini. It's hard to tell how in love with yourself you have to be to look like Pink and tattoo bows on the backs of your thighs, but I'm guessing it's a lot. Considering I'd rather have sex with an electrical fence, I'd say it's way more than the agreed upon definition of 'a lot.'" Pink can sing. Pink loves to work out and is fucking strong. Once I was on a photoshoot with Pink and she did some gymnastics on the set, including walking on her hands, and everyone's jaw dropped. Pink can kick your ass. Don't fuck with Pink.
The Sentence: Asian mist, performed by Pink herself.

The Accused: DListed
The Crime: Talking about women in filthiest terms possible.
The Evidence: "Paris is fucking gross and disgusting. The inside of Paris' stomach probably looks like a trash bag filled with cottage cheese due to all the chunky jizz she's eaten. Stupid skank! [Paris and Kim Kardashian] hate each other. Now is our chance to finally rid the world of the two biggest whores. We should have a 'whore off.' We'll stick a hard 12-inch dick in front of them and watch as they suck to the death." As noted before, it's not about defending Paris or Kim — it's about the stigma women who are free and single and maybe enjoy sex have. It's not cool when any man calls any woman a whore, unless, of course, she does collect income from performing sexual acts, in which case "hooker" seems better somehow.
The Sentence: The Boston crab.

The Accused: What Would Tyler Durden Do?
The Crime: Rape joke.
The Evidence: (On an Ashlee Simpson post) "So she's pregnant. That's why the rushed wedding. Stuff like this is why you have to be careful. Always use protection, and if you're like me, always take a moment to lay the girls clothes out just as she had them on. That way you can re-dress her before she wakes up and no one is the wiser." Hahaha, fuck you.
The Sentence: Moonsault.

The Accused: Hollywood Tuna
The Crime: Mocking a pregnant woman's size. Always a knee-slapper.
The Evidence: "Seven months ago seeing Jessica Alba suck on a lollipop would have been considered hot, but the girl just had to go and get herself knocked up and ruin everything. Not even her milky tits can hide the fact that she's almost the size of a small minivan. Anyway, feels like she's been carrying that hot body-killer around forever. When is it going to drop?" It's just not even funny. Can you believe this site considers itself "for entertainment purposes"?
The Sentence: Piledriver.
Additional Crime: Cellulite-critique.
The Evidence: "Here's Katherine Heigl wearing panties on the set of her movie The Ugly Truth, but unfortunately the real ugly truth is that she needs to work on those legs. They're looking a little Mischa Barton-like. Now ladies, save your 'that's what a woman looks like' emails. It won't fly with me. The girl smokes like a chimney and I highly doubt she spends much time at the gym, so if she's going to prance around in her panties, she better have the goods." Actresses are not anatomical models to be inspected and stamped with your approval or disapproval. A woman is not a piece of meat. Fuck! This pisses me off.
The Sentence: Doomsday Device.

• Britney Spears was involved in a minor car accident Saturday night; no one was injured and no vehicles were damaged. [AP]
  
• Apparently Brit was in stop and go traffic, driving at about 10 m.p.h. and putting on her makeup before the accident. Brit passed a field sobriety test. [TMZ]
  
• Dr. Phil is so classy and generous! He allegedly posted bond for one of the cheerleaders arrested for beating a teenage girl on videotape because her grandmother told reporters she didn't have the money to bail her granddaughter out. Of course, that means that Dr. Phil would have "exclusive" rights to her story. [TMZ]
  
• But wait! It wasn't Dr. Phil but a production assistant from his show. Also known as a scapegoat. [TMZ]
  
• A source says "It's getting desperate" behind the scenes of Dr. Phil's show. Ya think? [MSNBC]

• "'Gangsta rap' was a ploy to convince black people to kill each other. 'Gangsta rap' didn't exist." — Alicia Keys. [Fox News]
• Cate Blanchett gave birth to her third son, Ignatius Martin, on Sunday. She and husband Andrew Upton already have two sons: Dashiell John, 5, and Roman Robert, 3. [People]
• Ivana Trump got married! Male guests wore white and female guests wore pastel; the wedding cake was 12 feet tall; Donald Trump Junior threatened to kill his new stepdad. In a speech, Don Jr. said to Rossano Rubicondi: "You better treat her right, because I have a .45 and a shovel." [Gatecrasher]
• BTW, you probably knew this but Ivana is 59 and Rossano is 36. [Yahoo News]
• Does Pink have a new man? She was seen frolicking on the beach in Malibu with Todd Morse, a punk guitarist who plays in Juliette Lewis'