ART IS TEARING THEM APART!!111!: "Angelina is always all, 'I like art,'" says a source who owns every season of Friends on DVD. "It totally bums Brad out. You'll notice that he's pulling away from her. That's because she stinks of art appreciation! And also because he never stopped loving Jen."


YIPES, STRIPES: BRAD CAN'T STOP MISSING JEN: "The stripes in this picture reminded Brad of Jen's highlights circa 2001," says some guy who watched a Brad Pitt movie once, "He misses having a mate who understands the importance of matching hair. Gwyneth and Jen were happy to go along with it, but Angelina refuses to grow a beard. It's no wonder he's about to leave her and whisk Jen away to the salon to relive old times."


JEN'S BROKEN HEART IS ANGIE'S FAVORITE ART: "This painting represents the inside of Jen's heart after Brad and Angelina destroyed it," says Sally Fever, who once watched Life Or Something Like It and really didn't like it very much. "I hear that Angelina is going to buy it and have it made into a dress, so she can wear it at every movie premiere just to shove it in Jen's face. True story."


BABY NUMBER 8 HAS ANGIE FEELING GREAT: "This painting turned into a baby two minutes after this picture was taken," says 11-year-old Alice Beans, "and then Angelina adopted it, named it Screwujen and sent its first dirty diaper to Jennifer Aniston in the mail. I don't even know who these people are but my Aunt Kathy swears it's true."


BRANGELINA'S DAY OFF: "Brad's a big Ferris Bueller fan," claims my dog, who is currently asleep on the couch. "He thought it would be fun to reenact the art museum scene. Naturally this means he's leaving Angelina for his ex-wife."


SOURCE OF ANGIE'S POWER: REVEALED!!!: "This is the picture Angelina performs witchcraft to when she's ready to steal someone's husband away," says fake Dr. Albert Quack, "as you can see, the picture represents a great divide, which symbolized Angelina's ability to separate loving couples like Brad and Jen. It also represents a powerful vagina, and I don't think I need to explain how that fits in here. Or do I? I'd rather not, to be honest with you."


Feel free to come up with your own headlines in the comments!

[All Images Via Getty.]

First Heat
The Champion: Vogue Moddle
Form: 8
Height: 7
Hair: 8
Expression: 5
Believability: 5
Fractured Ankle Factor: -5

Overall score: 28

First Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 7
Hair: 6
Expression: 7
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 39

FIRST HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: A strong showing by the Vogue Moddle, with excellent form and hair. But Ms. Obama pulled ahead with a higher believability factor, and by ditching her shoes. Even the German judge was impressed.

Second Heat
The Champion: Marie Claire Moddle
Form: 6
Height: 2
Hair: 4
Expression: 5
Believability: 4
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 21

Second Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 0
Hair: 8
Expression: 10
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 37

SECOND HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: Michelle Obama didn't seem to get off the ground, which you'd think would disqualify her from a Leaping contest. Yet the Moddle's poor form really set her back. In addition, Michelle really wowed the judges with a look that said: "I've got this." The representative from Japan actually shed a single tear of joy.

Third Heat
The Champion: Bazaar Moddle
Form: 9
Height: 6
Hair: 5
Expression: 6
Believability: 6
Fractured Ankle Factor: -2

Overall score: 30

Third Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 8
Height: 9
Hair: 7
Expression: 9
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: -1

Overall score: 42

THIRD HEAT RESULTS:
Advantage: Michelle Obama

Comments: The Moddles really have exquisite form, Bob. It's too bad their scores are being dragged down by the footwear choices. The thing is, when Michelle Obama jumps, she actually looks like she's jumping. The judges love that.

Fourth Heat
The Champion: Vogue Moddle
Form: 9
Height: 7
Hair: 9
Expression: 9
Believability: 8
Fractured Ankle Factor: -4

Overall score: 38

Fourth Heat
The Challenger: Michelle Obama
Form: 9
Height: 8
Hair: 8
Expression: 10
Believability: 10
Fractured Ankle Factor: 0

Overall score: 45

FINAL RESULTS:
WINNER: Michelle Obama

Comments: Bob, have you ever seen a victory this solid? The crowd is on its feet. We have a new World Champion in Lovely Leaping Ladies. You'll be telling your grandkids about this day, Bob. I think I just saw the judge from Israel hug the judge from Iran! People are that stoked.

Earlier:
Ladymags Love Leaping Layouts

[Obama Images via Getty.]

Lindsay Lohan Facing Jail Unless She Attends Alcohol Rehab, Judge Warns [Telegraph]

[Images via Getty.]

Okay, so you have two categories. "Dream" and "Reality." Your "dream" casting is who you would want to play you; your "reality" casting is who would end up playing you, because they actually look like you. Get it?

Anna North
Dream:

Charlotte Gainsbourg


Reality:
America's Next Top Model's Shandi Sullivan






Hortense
Dream:


Cate Blanchett


Reality:
Judy Greer




Margaret
Dream:

Tina Fey


Reality:

Danica McKellar

Sadie
Dream:


Fay Wray


Reality:

Carol Kane





Tracie
Dream:

Mariah Carey


Reality:

Zooey Deschanel





Anna
Dream:

Leona Lewis


Reality:
Gloria Reuben (Not really, but there aren't many choices for women with Anna's look)


Dodai
Dream:


Dorothy Dandridge (or Thandie Newton)


Reality:

Somewhere between Kelis and Sherri Shepard. Hopefully closer to Kelis :(




Your turn - with pics! - in the comments.

Prince Harry is looking aces these days.

He may never be king, but he's at ease in his royal role.

Here, the Prince greets a shy little one, who's surely the queen of hearts.

His Royal Highness is a jack of all trades!

Just one of the lucky dozens tens who got to shake hands with Henry Charles Albert David, aka Prince Henry of Wales.

[Images via Getty.]

Meet Tiara Dew Dots, our "expert." She knows exactly what Brad and Angie are thinking, solely based on the red carpet photos from Cannes that are all over the internet.

TDD: There is tension here. Brad is trying to "Walk Away," just like the magazines report. Angelina is physically restraining him. Her stance is closed up and powerful; his limbs are all over the place — scattered, like his feelings for her. His brow is riddled with lines; he's worried he won't be able to escape. The one hand raised up is a cry for help.

TDD: Despite the smiles, there is pain in their eyes. She is reaching out to him, and he is recoiling. He would like to pluck her hand from his waist — see how his hand hovers? But he's afraid. His won't let his heels touch the ground, in fear of being literally stuck somewhere with her.



TDD: Angelina turns her back on the cameras the way she turns her back on men, when she's done with them. She's pivoted away from Brad and scanning the crowd for a new victim. Although one of Brad's hands attempts to cling to her, his other hand makes the old comic gesture, "Take my wife. Please."

TDD: They are looking — and moving — in different directions. Need I say more?????

TDD: Hmm. Odd. Here it almost looks like they're in love.

TDD: Her eyes are heavy-lidded with contempt. She is looking at his mouth like she can't believe the bullshit coming out it. She's thinking, why don't the tabloids ever accuse me of walking away? I am the one putting up with the epic vapidity that is your brain. And I hate how I'm always willing to watch whatever you want, but you can't sit through ten seconds of "The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency." Oh, wait. Sorry. I'm talking about Mr. Dew Dots now. Where were we?

TTD: His eyebrows show that he is in the moment, enjoying the attention. Her smooth, calm face shows she has checked out, emotionally. In fact, a faraway gaze like that could mean she's remembering that time she had sex with Billy Bob in the back of a limo on the way to the Ocsars. Maybe.

TDD: She looks at him with the same weary bemusement one would offer a tap-dancing monkey. She's so over it. She lets him clasp her hand, but sends a message with her eyes: "You'll never control me." He may or may not be passing gas. One foot is pointed toward her; the other away: Should he stay or should he go? The lady behind them has never been so psyched to have a picture of someone's shoulder.

TTD: You'd think that his arm, placed over hers, means that he is the dominant one. But no! The fact that her arm is sneakily snaked under his proves that she is a back-stabbing husband stealer. Look closely and you'll see that while his hand is relaxed lightly on her back, her hand is spread like a claw across the back of his jacket — she will quickly snatch him away to a hut in a difficult-to-pronounce country should Megan Fox suddenly materialize.

TTD: You can almost hear her whispering, "You're not going anywhere, mister."

TTD: Um. Hmm. Strange. This looks like… Love. But it can't be! I read In Touch, I know what's up.

[Images via Getty.]