I will admit to being afraid of almost everything; in some ways, I am a female version of Bob Wiley, taking baby steps to everything. I don't like the dark, don't like certain numbers, don't like horror films, don't like crowds, don't like heights- you name it, I'm probably afraid of it. Yet these are fears that can be conquered for the most part, through practice, exposure, medication, and a general outgrowing of things. The big fears in our lives are usually the easiest to work on, as they can be targeted and broken down into tiny pieces.

And then there are the smaller fears; the ridiculous things we hate to admit to anyone, because they seem so insane and embarrassing. I have a friend who is terrified of clowns, and quite embarrassed about it. "Because I know, logically," she says, "that it's just a dude with makeup on. But it's still so fucking creepy." My younger sister is afraid of "anything with wings" and dreads the springtime, as it signals the return of birds, bees, and moths. It's not a paralyzing fear, just a general sense of being creeped out that she can't seem to outrun.

The Onion piece brings up one of my ridiculous fears: audience participation. When I was in 6th grade, we took a class field trip to see CATS, and as soon as those giant costumed people started roaming up and down the aisle, I had the same reaction as one of the fictional audience members in the Onion piece: "Oh, man, are they? Shit," one audience member was overheard saying as the energetic ensemble began filing down previously unseen stairs and past the front row. "Shit, shit, shit."

I suppose it is a boundary issue: watching the show is one thing. Having the show sit next to you is quite another. I know some people LOVE shows like this, and rave about the interaction, but I still get freaked out, even though everyone teases me for it. This same wave of dread kicks in every time I find myself in a situation where someone suggests "icebreaker games" or when I have to go through the receiving line at a random wedding. Some of us just like to sit back and observe, and it's strange when you suddenly feel the tables being turned on you. Especially when those tables are being turned by performers dressed as giant cats.

So what are your ridiculous fears? And do you have a means of overcoming them?

Oh No, Performers Coming Into The Audience [The Onion]

• Many have expressed doubts about Jennifer Figge's 24-day swim across the Atlantic ocean. As several internet commenters have pointed out, in order for Figge to have crossed the Atlantic in such a short time, she would have needed to swim more than 80 miles a day. • For the third year in a row, a 26-year-old Canadian woman has taken to the streets of Toronto to offer free hugs. • An 8-year-old British girl with a dentist phobia recently starved to death. After undergoing traumatic dental surgery, Sophie Waller refused to open her mouth to speak or eat. • Mattel has created a new Barbie doll based on German Chancellor Angela Merkel. Mattel says they hope that the doll (which is "flattering" to Merkel) will be an inspiration for young girls. • Just in time for Valentines Day: for the low price of £29.95 you can purchase Sex Panther cologne, first seen in the movie Anchorman. Sex Panther works every time 60% of the time, so you really can't go wrong! • Recent high school graduate Katherine Evens is fighting back against charges of cyberbullying. Evens was suspended for cyberbullying two months after publishing a Facebook rant about her teacher, which invited other students to share their complaints. She is now suing her school to have the suspension removed from her record. • A new study shows that women who drink two or more cans of soda per day are almost twice as likely to develop kidney disease. Fortunately, diet soda did not appear to carry the same risks. • The World Boxing Council has reversed their approval of Kazumi Izaki's title shot due to health concerns. At 45, Izaki is Japan's oldest female boxer, and if she had been allowed to fight for the belt, she could have been the oldest world champion. • Farmers in Britain are abandoning cauliflower due to decreased demand, opting to grow broccoli instead. However, cauliflower-lovers are fighting back with an ad campaign designed to increase public awareness of the benefits of the pale brassica. • The first woman to receive a face transplant in the U.S. has been discharged from the hospital. The woman, whose name remains unknown, is only the fourth person in the world to undergo this surgery. • An Indevus Pharmaceuticals gel designed to protect women from contracting HIV/AIDS has been shown to be effective up to 30% of the time. • Researchers have identified neurochemical mechanisms which they believe may be the underlying cause for feelings of depression and increased anxiety that arise in men when they are separated from their female partners. • There is a fascinating profile in the Telegraph of Ruth Dee (not her real name), who suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder). Dee describes her traumatic childhood and the many personalities that sprung up as her way of coping with abuse. • A new study shows that our "gut instincts" may be more effective than we think. Researchers found that when making decisions, we sometimes access memories that we are unaware of having formed. • Eluana Englaro, the 38-year-old woman at the center of Italy's right-to-die debate, passed away today, much to the relief of her family and friends. •

• Megan got some airtime with feminist grand dame Gloria Steinem and we were all a little awestruck.
• We suspect that Ms. Steinem would not approve of John Edwards' wandering willie.
• You know what else she's probs over? The annoyingly quirky and underwritten Manic Pixie Dream Girls littering movies today.
• However, she might like Mad Men's sassy, gorgeous Joan Holloway.

• What would the gross sexist dudes in the Mad Men office think of Erin Andrews' controversial outfit? Nothing good. Ugh.
• Maury tortured some poor lady with cotton balls. So that happened.
• We hung out with admitted Mathlete Danica McKellar.
• The Prodge Run Olympics challenge was cray cray!!
• And speaking of the Olympics, they began today. So remember these lady Olympians to watch and tube out with some amazing athletes. It's Friday!

I have gelotophobia but only around large groups of teenagers. I have a deeply paranoid fear of those large, roving groups of 15 -year-olds sitting insouciantly on the stoop of the high school across the street from my apartment. I try not to make eye contact for fear that they will make fun of something on my person, and seriously, teenagers can smell the fear! I suspect this goes back to being an actual teenager, and seeing others like my former self triggers those latent insecurities. Am I alone in my post-adolescent neurosis? Or are there others out there who fear the giggling wrath of the masses?

Gelotophobia, No Laughing Matter [CBS News]