The Good:
Stanley Tucci needn't be so glum, he looks lovely! The pop of color in his shirt stripe is great.

Lorraine Bracco looks sleek and chic. Love her.

Christy Turlington's dress might be better with delicate shoes instead of boots, but she looks beautiful and comfortable.

Helena Christensen's dress is super sweet.

The Bad:
Petra Nemcova: Beautiful woman; ugly, cheap-looking dress.

Susie Essman plays Susie Greene, wife of Larry David's manager on HBO's Curb Your Enthusiasm. She's funny! But this ensemble isn't flattering or vibrant enough for her.

Crossing Jordan star Jill Hennessy's shapeless dress is almost saved by her cool necklace. Almost, but not quite.

Ed Burns seems uncomfortable, perhaps because his suit is ill-fitting?

The Ugly:
Gah, Rachael Ray. The hose! The shiny, absurd, freakin' hideous pantyhose. Terrible.

Mario Batali can rock his signature orange Crocs all he wants, but I don't have to like them.

[Images via Getty.]

• Zac Posen for Target Australia?! I would be super excited if I weren't super depressed that he's not designing for Target U.S.A. [Sassybella]
  
• Parisian rock band Rock & Roll has written a new song about their experience attending Milan Fashion Week. The song's name? "Coke Freaks and Fashion Whores." Of course. [WWD, 1st item]
  
• Claudia Schiffer's favorite image of herself in the upcoming "Metamorphosis" campaign she shot with Karl Lagerfeld? "The one where I look like a man. It reminds me of my brother." [Vogue UK]
  
• The latest limited edition Marc Jacobs fragrances are supposed to smell like sorbet. So, y'know, you can smell like food instead of eating it. [Nylon]

• Roberto Cavalli on Elton John's Oscar party: "I think it was one of the best parties I've ever been to. And, my dear, I've been to a lot of parties." [Fashion Week Daily]
• Carla Bruni: Not attending Paris Fashion Week. [WWD, 2nd item]
• Petra Nemcova: Sex kitten or philanthropist? [Chic Report]
• Tod's just got a little cooler: It's having a party. In March. And Neil Tennant from the Pet Shop Boys is performing. [Vogue UK]
• Another big crackdown on NYC's Canal Street counterfeit bag sellers. Sigh. We'll be sad if never again can we take a walk without being offered a Fundi or Preda bag. [WWD, sub req'd]
• $20 million in jewels, missing from a Milan showroom. [Fashion Week Daily]
• Everything you ever wanted to know but were afraid to ask about hair extensions. [BellaSugar]
• Theodora (daughter of Keith) Richards is the new creative director of 4 Stroke Jeans. Which sounds like the dumbest poser name for a denim line ever. [Page Six]
• Puma now partnering with Hussein Chayalan. Which is definitely one of the wackier fashion world pairings we've heard of in a while. [WSJ]

• Amy Winehouse is in talks to do fashion and cosmetics lines? Amy-branded eyeliner and hairspray? What kind of fuckery is this? [The Sun]
  
• Jennifer Lopez' nursery is filled with $279 cashmere cardigans, two sleigh cribs costing $1,390 each and a $1250 snakeskin diaper bag. You know, understated. [People]
  
• Of her newborn twins, J. Lo says, "I can't take my eyes off of them." Awww, especially since they look so cute in cashmere! [MSNBC]
  
• As previously reported, Joe Francis' Girls Gone Wild magazine hits stands April 15. Guess who will have a photo shoot inside? Kim, Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian. Klassy! [Page Six]
  
• George Clooney is super into his girlfriend, lalalala I can't hear you. [People]

• Britney Spears saw her sons again on Monday; they came to her house for a three-hour visit. [People]
• Three American Idol finalists have "links" to Britney Spears. [USA Today]
• The New York lawyer who claims he represents Britney claims Brit has "never been and is not now on comfortable terms with her live-in father conservator." [TMZ]
• When Ivana Trump marries her fiancé, Rossano Rubicondi, he'll be known as Rossano Trump. Unless that's a joke. [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which gossipeuse is about to get the ax? She probably should have told her bosses she was shooting a reality show before just going out and doing it on the sly." [Page Six]
• Blind item! "Which recently single actor, who may or may not be mentioned on this page, was celebrating Oscar night by grabbing any woman who walked by and enjoying a big old joint in the corner of the party?" (You may have to go to page one of the column to get this, but then it will be obvs!) [Gatecrasher]
• Orlando Bloom and Rumer Willis arrived at Prince's party together? Hmm. [Page Six]
• Apparently nothing can stop Olivier Martinez from flirting with the ladies, even a car crashing into his friend's Bentley. [Page Six]
• Brittany Murphy is behaving like a "diva" on the set of her new film: She requires a diagonally cut peanut butter and jelly sandwich with the crusts cut off every hour. Mmm, good idea. [Page Six]
• Sean Penn and Petra Nemcova: Definitely on. [Rush & Molloy]
• According to his divorce papers, David Hasselhoff has an African Room in his house. And there's crap he wants in there, like an ivory tusk, an elephant foot and two elephant stools. A judge has granted him permission to go and pick it up. [TMZ]
• Madonna showed up for jury duty in Beverly Hills yesterday, but was dismissed. She'd be so good in a 12 Angry Men-type scenario. [TMZ]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt is still talking about those shots of her in a bikini. "When those pictures were taken... I had just been asked to marry," she says, referring to her fiancé, Scottish actor Ross McCall. "So he loves me just the way I am. If I do work out more it will be for my health. It won't be because I am worried about how I look." [People]
• Kate Hudson says "I work out all the time." [People]
• But, Kate says, those boobs on the Fool's Gold poster? "They are totally not my boobs. My boobs aren't that big." [The Sun]
• A publicist from The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences says there was no intention to slight or ignore Brad Renfro in their montage of dead people. "In any given year, we are not able to include everyone who has passed away, and because we very much want to include people who worked in all aspects of filmmaking, not just actors and actresses, this means that sometimes well-known individuals are not included," Leslie Unger claims. [E!]
• Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are totes in love and shopped together at Fred Segal yesterday. [ONTD]
• Calista Flockhart to paramour Harrison Ford at Elton John's Oscar party: Slow down, don't drink so much. Harrison to Calista: "It's a special night. I may even swing from a chandelier." No one tells Han Solo to slow down. No one! [The Sun]
• Sarah Jessica Parker will say ciao! to New York for a while: She's set to play an Italian flight attendant on stage in a London West End comedy hit called Boeing Boeing in April. [Daily Express]
• Whoopi Goldberg was choked up on The View when her cohosts discussed how she was not included in an Oscar-host montage. "Undoubtedly I pissed somebody off yet again," she said. [Yahoo News]
• Cate Blanchett will head an arts panel at a summit in Australia, joining "100 of the country's best minds" in a brain-storming session on the subject "Towards a Creative Australia" in April — the same month her third child is due. [Reuters]
• Jerry Seinfeld's lawyers are asking a judge to throw out a lawsuit filed by Missy Chase Lapine, the author of The Sneaky Chef, who made slander and defamation claims after Seinfeld suggested she was a crackpot and compared her to the killers of John Lennon and Martin Luther King Jr. "for comic effect." [Yahoo News]
• Mariah Carey's new video features that dude who plays Kenneth on 30 Rock! Watch a snippet! [The.Life Files]

[Los Angeles, February 24. Image via x17]

[LAX, July 18. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

Coincidentally, here's a pic of Petra Nemcova with her new boyfriend James Blunt at the Global Green pre-Oscar party last night. Let's see what they have in common:

Ratty hair: CHECK
Bad posture: CHECK
No bra: CHECK
Ill-fitting clothes: CHECK
Inability to locate an iron in the house: CHECK

Now we know that love is a many spendoured thing, Petra, but we have our limits. Take a bath, at least.