• "She's certainly telling friends she's planning to write a book," says a source close to Sam Ronson. "It's supposed to be about her, allegedly. But come on, you know Lindsay will be all over that book. She's the only one people want to read about." But! Michael Lohan says: "She's using my daughter. People never even knew who Samantha Ronson was until she met Lindsay. She was just some L.A. DJ. And now she's writing a book? I am at wit's end with this stuff. This is not in Lindsay's best interest." Oh dear! (And for the record, the Ronsons were on the New York scene before Lindsay ever shot Parent Trap. So.) [Yahoo News, The Sun]
• Michael Lohan thinks LL is drinking again. "Samantha drinks and passes the drinks under the table to Lindsay, and behind the scenes it gets worse and worse." [MSNBC]
• Nicolette Sheridan and Michael Bolton: Splitsville! The couple has been engaged since 2006 and started dating in 1992. They broke up after five years but got back together in 2005. Tell me how am I supposed to live without you? [Yahoo News, People]
• Related: Headline of the day: "Desperately Airbrushed Housewives: Latest Publicity Pictures Contrast With Recent Real Life Shots Of Stars" [Daily Mail]
• Matthew McConaughey's mom reveals her husband, Matt's dad, died while she was having sex with him: "On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. One day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn't hear anything from him. Just nothing. But it was just the best way to go!" [Page Six]

• Ow, ow, Keith Urban has a slipped disc. Now who's gonna help Nicole with the baby? [People]
• Speaking of injuries, Kelly Osbourne's black eye was the result of a kitchen cabinet that fell on her face. Stupid Swedish box store. (Kidding!) [The Sun]
• Tom Brady spent $11 million on a plot of dirt in Brentwood, CA so he can build Gisele Bundchen a house. [TMZ]
• The ratings for the fourth-season premiere of The Hills were down. But! Lauren Conrad still gets $75,000 an episode! [Yahoo News]
• Madonna had a "meltdown" over technical problems that forced the screens to go out during several songs during her concert in Nice, France. I've got the moves baby, you got the motion. If we got together, we'd be causing a commotion. [Perez Hilton]
• Oooh, some love letters from the '90s Madonna sent to then-boyfriend James Albright might get released. Some are signed "Spanky" because she liked getting smacked on the ass during sex. [Mirror]
• Liz Hurley's in St. Tropez with husband Arun Nayar and best friend/ex boyfriend Hugh Grant. Amazing that Hugh and Liz dated for 13 years and stayed friends after breaking up in 2000. [Daily Mail]
• Please click and tell me wtf is up with Hayden Panettiere's birthday suit. [The.Life Files]
• DMX cursed at his judge while in court, which the judge didn't really like. And yeah, there is video. [The.Life Files]
• Jennifer Aniston won't be having plastic surgery, except for that deviated septum operation she had so she could breathe better. But everything else is yoga, cosmic energies and karma. [ONTD]
• Shannen Doherty and Jennie Garth went to a 90210 party and mingled on opposite sides of the room, which is supposed to mean there's tension and underlying drama happening. [E!]
• A South African lady who claimed to be raising funds for an R. Kelly concert in 2005 swindled $130,000 from investors. But! She deposited the money into a bank account, and the account belongs to R. Kelly. Kelly's camp says there is no truth to these reports. [E!]
• Rosario Dawson, Jessica Alba , Eva Longoria, Fat Joe, Wilmer Valderrama and Sofia Vergara will party at Voto Latino's DNC event in Denver tonight. [Page Six]
• Rihanna is looking for a condo in L.A. for she and Chris Brown to move into, but it needs to be soundproof because they like to play their music loud. [Star]
• Pete Doherty's new autobiographical film is playing in an Austrian porn theater? [The Sun]
• This story is sooooo ridiculous. It claims that since there were rumors that Paris and Benji broke up, she decked him out "in a T-shirt with 'Obey' emblazoned on the front and parade[d] him around in front of the paparazzi, of course!" [Mirror]
• Extras from that sure to be sucktastic Tom Cruise movie Valkyrie are claiming £6million in damages after suffering broken bones, cuts and bruises while filming. The studio had better pay up! [Mirror]
• Snoop Dogg has still not been granted a visa to enter Australia for a tour. Waiting. [News.com.au]
• Kelsey Grammer is back playing Dr, Frasier Crane… In a Dr. Pepper commercial. Maybe you drink it with tossed salads and scrambled eggs? [Perez Hilton]
• Haley Joel Osment will make his Broadway debut in David Mamet's American Buffalo. I see theater people! [USA Today]
• Barbra Streisand's goddaughter threatened to kill a woman? [TMZ]
• Vanessa Minnillo says that Nick Lachey was the one who said "I love you" first in their relationship, not that you care. [People]
• There's an opera based on the movie The Fly opening in L.A. "I didn't want to remake the movie. I didn't want to rewrite the screenplay again," David Cronenberg says. "This production has a power and charisma all its own." [Reuters]
• Ben Stiller is being honored by the Museum of the Moving Image. [Reuters]
• Kenny Rogers' new CD: Available at Cracker Barrel. [Perez Hilton]
• "The doctor said the tumour was so small, he wouldn't have even noticed it except for the fact that it wasn't there on previous X-rays. I've learned that if you catch breast cancer early, the chances are overwhelmingly good that you'll be cured. So my attitude, which very much mirrored my mother's, was this wasn't a big deal." — Cynthia Nixon, speaking about the moment she learned she had breast cancer. [Daily Mail]
• "It was a pile of shit, wasn't it? I wanted to get a job in the can before my daughter was born. It was actually very pleasant for me. I didn't have much to do with Sharon Stone. And thank God because I heard she was a fucking nightmare." — David Thewlis, on making Basic Instinct 2. [ONTD]
• "My job is to not pay attention to what Tom Cruise did with the role in a similar way that Adam's is not to pay attention to what Dustin did. Is it going to be better? I'm not even thinking about that. The film came out in '88, right? I was 10. I've seen it twice in the last 20 years." — Josh Hartnett, on his stage production of Rain Man. [Telegraph]
• "I stay at 165 pounds and cook everything out of Cooking Light magazine. I only eat irresponsibly on Saturdays, which means bacon and candy. I am against [nips and tucks]. If you have bad plastic surgery, it looks like you were brought up poor, moved to LA and didn't make it. If it's good, you just look like somebody else." — John Waters. [Page Six]

• Gwen Stefani gave birth yesterday! The baby boy, Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale, weighed 8 1/2 lbs. Yes, "Nesta" was Bob Marley's middle name. Gwen and Gavin's other kid, Kingston, is named after a town in Jamaica. See the trend? [People]
• Newly pregnant: Melanie "Sporty Spice" Chisholm. The dad is maybe probably property developer Thomas Starr, whom Mel has been seeing for six years. [The Sun]
• Makeup mogul Bobbi Brown has been named as a New Jersey delegate for the Democratic convention to support Barack Obama. She's done Michelle's makeup! She'll be giving delegates goody bags in Denver. [NY Mag]
• Teri Hatcher's former uncle through marriage, Richard Hayes Stone, had been serving a 14-year jail sentence for child molestation when he died Tuesday of colon cancer. Hatcher helped put Stone behind bars after she heard of a teen suicide involving a girl who knew Stone; Teri also revealed she'd been molested by Stone as a child as well. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Phelps was seen making out with Aussie swimmer Stephanie Rice. They "swapped spit" at a party and then posed together for Speedo, "laughing and groping" each other. Olympic heat! [Page Six]
• No one wants to see Katie Holmes on Broadway. [MSNBC]

• Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood, 61, is still torn between his wife, 53, and his Russian lover, 20, whom he calls a "slut." He's currently battling booze in rehab. [The Sun]
• Despite the unexpected deaths of three patients and the rape of a teenage girl, Dr. Drew insists that Aurora Las Encinas is "an excellent hospital." As for the deaths and the rape, he says, "My heart is broken about these cases." While Drew Pinsky is the co-medical director of the chemical dependency program, he says of Las Encinas: "It's not my hospital." [LA Times]
• The Gossip Girl girls wearing My Fair Lady costumes. [Just Jared]
• Rihanna is number one on the charts, keeping American Idol alum David Archuleta from taking the top spot. [Reuters]
• Haha, this story is ridiculous: "Presumably Rihanna hoped that donning a wacky pair of boots would divert attention away from her latest romantic outing with lover Chris Brown." [The Sun]
• 50 Cent has met with officials regarding the fire that destroyed the house his baby mama and son were living in. The case is under investigation; what do you think they will find? [Perez Hilton]
• Jay-Z's new track, "Jockin' Jay-Z," has lyrics about Noel Gallagher: "That bloke from Oasis said I couldn’t play guitar/ Someone shoulda told him I’m a muthafucking rock star/ Today is gonna be the day that I’m gonna throw it back to you/ I’m living life as a rocker…" So current! [The Sun]
• Casting scoops on fall TV shows: Blythe Danner will guest star on Medium; there are two new peeps on Lost; James Cromwell is joining My Own Worst Enemy, that Christian Slater thriller. [EW]
• So you know how Courtenay Semel, Lindsay Lohan's former "roommate" and Tila Tequila's girlfriend, went to jail in Vegas on Wednesday? She was trying to get into a club with a passport and a California I.D., one of which was not in her name. She was detained by security and ended up hitting a guard on the back of the head. She can pay a fine or go in front of a judge. She should probably just shell out the cash. [Yahoo News, via E!]
• Sharon Osbourne has been approached to publish a work of fiction loosely based on her dealings with reality TV contests. A source says: "She wants it to be a Jackie Collins-inspired romp, something shocking, saucy and witty - and a chick lit hit." [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof's first week of married life involved seeing her husband's band play a gig. [Mirror]
• A lady thought that Lily Tomlin was cutting down trees on her property and called the cops but it turned out she was wrong and Lily Tomlin was having trees cut on her own damn property and the lady was just an alarmist. [LA Times]
• A dig at Amy Winehouse won funniest joke of the Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Here is comedian Zoe Lyons' joke: "I can't believe Amy Winehouse self-harms. She's so irritating she must be able to find someone to do it for her." [The Star]
• Prepare yourself: Paris Hilton is coming out with something called The Bandit, which is "he first interchangeable hair extension headband." Act accordingly. [E!]
• Holy crap, this Jean-Claude Van Damme mockumentary sounds kind of awesome: JCVD plays himself in the midst of a hostage situation in his native Belgium. [Reuters]
• Pete Doherty has a new girlfriend. She's 18 and her name is Matilda. She says: "My mum made me attend alcohol counseling because I started drinking so much. Pete drinks a LOT and I feel like I have to keep up, but it's hard." [Mirror]
• Headline of the day: "Did Jackie Kennedy's Jealous Lover Order The Assassination Of Her Beloved Brother-In-Law Bobby?" [Daily Mail]
• Gary Glitter update: He's on his way to the UK, where he'll be met by police and placed on the sex offenders' register. [Guardian]
• The California Supreme Court has refused to take up the case in a bitter legal dispute between the three surviving members of The Doors. This is the end. Beautiful friend. This is the end. [AP]
• "I've kissed just three people in my life, other than stuff I've done for TV or movies. I grew up with the mindset that after work you go to dinner and watch a movie. I don't want to go to a club and not wear panties." —20-year-old Blake Lively, star of Gossip Girl. [Independent]

• Ryan Gosling. Rachel McAdams. Back together. [Perez Hilton]
• Ellen blogs about her nuptials! "I had a big, big weekend. I got married to Portia de Rossi! Sorry, John Stamos… this one's taken. The wedding was everything we hoped it could be. I wish I could've invited all of you. But I have some pictures and video I can show you when Season 6 starts on September 8. I can't wait to see them too… it was all a blur. Blissfully yours, The just married Mrs. DeGeneres." [ET]
• LeRoi Moore, the sax player in the Dave Matthews Band, has died. He was injured in an ATV accident June 30 and suffered a punctured lung and broken ribs. Sudden complications from that accident sent him to the hospital yesterday, where he passed away unexpectedly. He was 46. [TMZ]
• Here's the latest on the Aniston/Mayer breakup: A source says, "She is so intent on getting married and having children, he felt hemmed in. After a 20-minute phone conversation, he just said, 'I can't take it any more,' and hung up. Then he texted, 'That's it - the end.'" Pretty please, can this be THE END of reports about these two? [Mirror]

• Madonna drank "Crack Baby" shots on her birthday, which are made with vodka and champagne. Blech. [Page Six]
• Elizabeth Taylor is back home and doing well after being hospitalized. She's planning trips to Europe and Hawaii and weighing in on holiday packaging for her perfume line White Diamonds. Be well, Liz! [Yahoo News]
• What you didn't see on The Hills: Heidi and Spencer running their mouths. Oh, and apparently Lauren went out with Doug Reinhardt back when she was in high school. [E!]
• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham is preparing to sue a U.K. magazine over an article claiming she's "hooked on sex and diet pills." Apparently she doesn't take diet pills. No word on the sex. [Yahoo News]
• Michael Phelps' Saturday night race pulled a hell of a lot of viewers for NBC, but The Golden Girls is still the most-watched Saturday night show of the last 18 years. Thank you for being a friend! [Yahoo News]
• BTdubs, swimmer Amanda Beard is not dating Michael Phelps. "Ew, no!" she says. [MSNBC]
• Revealed! Jessica Alba's baby weight-loss plan! Low-fat, low-carb diet! Core exercises! Cardio and circuit training! Working out with a girlfriend! Kill me now! [People]
• Sharon Stone, 50, is dating a dude named Chase who is 24. That is all. [Perez Hilton]
• This report says that Balthazar Getty's wife Rosetta is convinced he started hooking up with Sienna when he and Rosetta were still together. Sick of this story yet? [Mirror]
• Chris Martin says he'll never trash a hotel room — because he used to clean them. "When you’re a cleaner and you walk into a trashed room, it’s truly annoying… Spare a thought for the poor schmuck cleaning the room." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse has booked into a rehab clinic just a short drive from Blake Incarcerated's jail. [The Sun]
• The Australian men's sailing team won a gold medal yesterday after getting a good luck call from Nicole Kidman. The guy didn't pick up at first: True story! [People]
• Theyyyyy're here! Poltergeist remake, in the works. Stay away from the light, Carole Anne! [Variety]
• Leona Lewis, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus and Rihanna have teamed up for a charity track, "Just Stand Up." There will be a Just Stand Up To Cancer TV special on September 5; the song should hit iTunes a few days earlier. [The Sun]
• Apparently Sir Bob Geldof has been dealing with the stress from daughter Peaches' antics by going dancing. Sometimes what they call "gossip" isn't. [The Sun]
• A sneak peek of Sanjaya's Nationwide Mutual Insurance commercial, in which he has lots of different hairstyles. [People]
• Luke Wilson might be dating a Yale-educated lawyer named Meg Simpson. Stay Tuned. [Village Voice]
• James Hetfield of Metallica erected a fence on his California property which blocks access to a fire road used by hikers and equestrians. Kill 'em all! [UPI]
• Jessica Simpson is doing beer ads for Dallas' Stampede Brewing Co. Classy. [Yahoo News]
• Spotted: Al Pacino wearing blue nail polish. [Mirror]
• Paris Hilton is taking that crappy best friend show idea to London. Sorry, Brits! [Guardian]
• A leading Italian medial group doesn't want ER or Grey's Anatomy to air on Italian television: "These programs are teaching viewers inaccurate views on medicine," says Annalisa Silvestro, president of the National Federation of Medical College. "They are spreading misinformation." It's called entertainment, no? [Yahoo News]
• Roger Moore has a book coming out in November; a memoir called My Word Is Bond. He recalls crashing a boat while filming Live And Let Die, cracking his front teeth and twisting his knee. "There I was, as a fearless 007, hobbling on a cane to my boat and then pretending to be indestructible for the cameras. Who says I can't act?" [AP]
• Pete Doherty's band is banned from the Moonfest festival in Westbury, Wiltshire, next week. The police say: "We carried out an analysis of what Pete Doherty and his band does. What he does as part of his routine is to gee up the crowd. They speed up and then slow down the music and create a whirlpool effect in the crowd. They [the crowd] all get geed up and then they start fighting." Um, ok. [Guardian]
• Gossip straight outta 1992: Kurt Cobain vs. Axl Rose; Stephanie Seymour vs. Courtney Love. [Rush & Molloy]
• Headline of the day: "I Want An IVF Baby With My Fifth Husband After I've Posed For Playboy, Says Surgically Remodelled Brigitte Nielsen." [This Is London]
• Gary Glitter was supposed to be deported to the UK, but he conveniently collapsed in a Thai airport hotel room complaining about his heart. [Guardian]
• "It's very difficult to be a career person and have a relationship. I didn't succeed at doing it at all. It's incredibly hard… I empowered myself by not staying in the thing with Russell [Crowe]. I felt it was going to be repeating some similar patterns that I'd just gotten out of and it was a drag because I was crazy about him." — Meg Ryan. [Daily Mail]
• "It was my first nude scene and it wasn’t supposed to be me. I had a body double and we had some complicating factors with her. It was sort of a last minute thing, where I said, 'I’ll just go ahead and do this.' I was really uncomfortable. This crew that I’d been working with, that knows me when I put on my producer hat, suddenly sees me naked. It was really humiliating." — Anna Faris, on The House Bunny. [ONTD]
• "It's fatal when actresses use Botox. I remember seeing Cold Mountain, and it really looked to me like Nicole Kidman had been using it. Her face was neither sad nor glad — nor anything, she was just like a painted doll. I thought: 'Why would she do that?'" — Britt Ekland, the Bond girl once married to Peter Sellers. [Page Six]

• Ellen and Portia will wed this weekend! Don't you wish they'd interrupt Olympic coverage to bring us love, LIVE? [Perez Hilton]
• Portia will wear a "flowing, form-fitting dress by Zac Posen." [Page Six]
• Christian Bale has been cleared of assault charges, you can go back to your regularly scheduled lust. [NY Post]
• Trump to the rescue! The Donald has saved Ed McMahon from foreclosure. He's buying Ed's house and "leasing" it to Ed so he can live in it. Dear Donald, I have my eye on a Tribeca penthouse… [Yahoo News]
• Sonya Dakar, an aesthetician with clients like Fergie, Drew Barrymore and Gwyneth Paltrow, was arrested after allegedly assaulting and trying to bite an inspector who was checking out her cosmetology license. WTF. [TMZ]
• Uh, Actress LisaRaye and her husband, the prime minister of Turks & Caicos, Michael Misick, were both treated for bite wounds Wednesday night in the Caribbean. Not mosquito, not shark, but HUMAN BITE WOUNDS. Scenes of a deteriorating marriage. [Rush & Molloy]
• Amy Winehouse slapped another member of the public. Oh, and there's video. The woman did grab Amy's arm and try to pull her. Not that Amy handled it properly. [The Sun]

• Despite reports in this week's In Touch, Casey Aldridge denies he had sex with 28-year-old Kelli Dawson while Jamie Lynn Spears was pregnant. [The Superficial]
• Gwen Stefani: Still pregnant. [The.Life Files]
• Did Jennifer Love Hewitt slim down for the publicity? (Is there any other reason to do it?) [MSNBC]
• Gossip Girl gossip: Season two begins in the Hamptons and Blake Lively says: "There's a lot of juicy stuff in all of our lives." [ET]
• 90210 promo! With Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty! [Perez Hilton]
• Matthew Fox has resigned his Lost deal with ABC and is getting a salary raise: $225,000 per episode, up from $150,000. But can you put a price on brooding Dr. Shephard? [Reuters]
• Miley Cyrus has been hanging out with Adam Sevani of Step Up 2: The Streets. I saw that movie and I promise you he was the best thing in it. Anyways, they look cute riding bikes together, but that doesn't meet he's her boyfriend, sheesh. [Perez Hilton]
• Chris Brown's new track is floating around online but he is not happy. "I'm mad that it's leaked," he says. "The record's not finished. It's supposed to be me and Rihanna's duet." [USA Today]
• Say it with me now: DMX has been arrested. Again. Miami this time! [USA Today]
• Quentin Tarantino's flick Inglorious Bastards is already stirring up controversy: "The film depicts scalpings, disembowelment and swastikas being engraved in foreheads as a group of American Jewish soldiers are airdropped into Nazi-occupied Europe to wreak revenge on the Germans." [Guardian]
• If you're Mariah Carey you don't have to dry yourself off after a swim. That's what towel boys are for. [ONTD]
• Lily Allen has has written a new song wich imagines what God’s life would be like. Lily "attempts to answer questions like who God would date, what job he’d have and what music he would listen to." Dunno about God, but Jesus definitely listens to Kanye West. [The Sun]
• Apparently Bono was blasting his own new songs out of a villa in the South of France, loud enough for passersby to hear and try to upload on YouTube. [The Sun]
• Peaches Geldof arrived back in London after her quickie Vegas wedding and promptly rung up her ex, Faris Badwan of rock band The Horrors. [The Sun]
• Except this report says she snubbed Faris and he had to read about her getting married in the paper. [Mirror]
• This purposely misleading headline: "Doherty's 8hr Visit To Dealer" is on a story about how Pete Doherty went shopping for antiques at 10 am and didn't leave until 6pm. Scandalous! [The Sun]
• Sir Paul McCartney cut a vacation short because his eldest daughter Mary gave birth to her third child. [Mirror]
• Noel Gallagher was drunk on Radio 1? What is this, 1995? [The Sun]
• Busy Philipps, of Dawson's Creek and Freaks And Geeks, gave birth to a baby girl on Wednesday. Birdie Leigh Silverstein's daddy is Busy's screenwriter husband Marc Silverstein. [Star]
• Rumer Willis says when she was 12, she realized she "got screwed" in the name department. "My sisters, Scout and Talullah, had cute nicknames. When I was 12 and had crushes on guys, I'd put my first name with their last name, but it never sounded right. Rumer Depp? Nope. In school, kids would sing, 'Rumer, Rumer with a big hairy tumor.'" [Page Six]
• "Jessica was well-developed, and every guy in high school wanted her and practically every girl hated her. Jessica put on a brave face, but it was a campaign of terror that just devastated her." — A source speaking about Jessica Simpson's new song, with lyrics about abuse. [MSNBC]
• Jerry Lewis says the gun found in his carry-on was a gift that he'd forgotten was in his luggage. [AP]
• RIP, grandma of Catherine Zeta-Jones. [Daily Express]
• Oh, and Cathy Z, who turns 40 next year, says: "I haven’t actually reached my sexiest point yet." [Mirror]
• "I still love her. I’m not really over her yet. We still hang. She was just out with me a couple days ago and we were having a great time. She’s really got it. I think she’s great." — Bret Michaels on Ambre Lake. [People]
• "We are very close. We see each other as much as we can, but we’re usually in different parts of the world. When we have time off, I like to go and hang out with her. She has the cutest children – Finn [three years old] is just the funniest." — Emma Roberts on Aunt Julia. [Mirror]
• "He kissed me on the lips, and then he gave me a filterless cigarette. I came off all lightheaded and had to go sit on his dressing room steps. Maybe it was the cigarette and nothing to do with the legend." — Kate Moss, on meeting Frank Sinatra, in Interview magazine. [Rush & Molloy]

• French police say that paparazzi wearing camouflage (!) got on to the grounds of Angelina and Brad's chateau and scuffled with security guards on the property yesterday. Both sides filed legal complaints accusing the other of battery/injury (bruises, scratches, nothing serious.) Angie and Brad need guard dogs. So they can be all, "Smithers, release the hounds." [AP]
• "I won't hide for you that this kind of thing is really not the type of problem that interests us," says police captain Olivia Poupot. "There are, in my opinion, far more important things than paparazzi taking photos of a glamor couple." [Yahoo News]
• Christian Bale on his alleged assault against his mom and sister: "It’s a deeply personal matter." [The Sun]
• This was in Midweek Madness but seems like it actually might be true: Sean "Diddy" Combs, 38, is engaged to singer Cassie, 21. Good luck? [Star]
• Kirsten Dunst is directing a documentary about why Americans vote on Tuesday. Blame the farmers, people. Blame the farmers. [NY Magazine]

• Rachel Weiz is shooting a spread for Vogue and it could be Halloween-related, or she and this small child could be wearing copious amounts of feathers because chicken hawk is the new black. [The.Life Files]
• Samantha Morton is making her directorial debut with a drama for Channel 4 about a little girl growing up in a children's home. She says: "I was in care, but this film isn't about me." [Guardian]
• Danny Glover has had trouble raising funds for his movie about Haitian independence hero Toussaint-Louverture. "Producers said 'It's a nice project, a great project... where are the white heroes?'" Uh, seriously? [Breitbart]
• Justin Long remains "distraught" about his breakup with Drew Barrymore and has dropped out of the rollerderby comedy Whip It!, which is Drew's directorial debut. A source says: "He couldn't stand working with her and not being with her. He's too upset. She dumped him. She was hot and cold. One minute she was in love with him and the next she wanted to break up with him." [Yahoo News]
• Pete Doherty was in court yesterday, admitting to roughing up a paparazzo. Pete had to pay $2,000 in fees. (The incident happened last August.) [Yahoo News]
• "She sure knows how to milk publicity and create a publicity stunt." — Pharrell Williams on Madonna. [Mirror]
• Johnny Depp is turning his 40-acre getaway in the Bahamas into an eco-home. Solar hydrogen technology and whatnot. If you would gladly visit the location for an exhaustive investigative study to make sure all is well, raise your hand. [The Sun]
• Simon & Schuster is suing Foxy Brown and Lil' Kim, claiming the two rappers never delivered manuscripts for which they were paid book advances. Maybe because both ladies went to jail shortly after signing deals? [AP]
• It's official: The Brit papers are obsessed with Peaches Geldof. She was supposed to cover an iTunes festival on TV but the "bosses" are furious about reports that she OD'd recently. Also, Peaches has a new tattoo which this paper calls a noose but looks like a light bulb. [The Sun]
• "The original Klaatu was warm and fuzzy, more human than humans. I’m not that guy." — Keanu Reeves on his alien character in the December flick The Day The Earth Stood Still. [LA Times]
• James Iha and D'Arcy Wretzky-Brown, former Smashing Pumpkins members, are suing Virgin Records, claiming the label shut them out of profits after signing a deal with frontman Billy Corgan. All I have to say about this is that 1979 is a great song. [Yahoo News]
• Been seeing the posters around town: Pam Anderson is in a new reality show. Why? "I'm not worried about cleaning up my image," she says. "You know how you do things, and you don't really know why you're doing them until the end? I don't know why I'm doing this yet. I'm just know I'm an exhibitionist. Some people are afraid to be found. I'm afraid not to be found. It's one of those weird opportunities. And it was an incredible deal." [LA Times]
• Little Feud On The Prairie, hahaha. Nellie Olson in the news! [TMZ]
• The Kim Kardashian vs. Shanna Moakler showdown is really too boring to write about. [Yahoo News]
• Here's more on Shanna and Kim. Are they technically even celebrities? [Page Six]
• Kim Kardashian is buying wedding magazines and planning a ceremony not because she's engaged but so that "whenever I get asked there won’t be any drama." Wait, what? [People]
• Congrats to Marisa Jaret Winokur, who welcomed a son on Tuesday. Zev Isaac Miller, who was carried by a surrogate mother, weighed 8 pounds, 7 ounces and measured 21 inches long. Winokur is a cervical cancer survivor. [E!]
• Meg Ryan in a fat suit. For a movie, of course. She says: "I like a character who is all about transformation. She was enormous, and now she's foxy." [Daily Mail via ONTD]
• Producer Scott Storch is facing foreclosure on his $10 million Miami home. Tough times. [Page Six]
• Daisy Lowe is asking boyf Mark Ronson to help with the music for her mom's wedding. [Mirror]
• Elizabeth Berkley has an unscripted project for MTV: She does workshops around the country (called Ask-Elizabeth) with teen girls and gets them to open up about their issues, like self-esteem and body image; the show will be a documentary of sorts, featuring Elizabeth and the kids. Hopefully the girls won't Google Image Showgirls. [Reuters]
• "We met on the show. And we tried to keep it very professional on the show because we were both there for our careers, and we didn’t expect this to come out of it. But I’m really happy." Project Runway's Wesley, who is dating Project Runway's Daniel. [People]
• Leo DiCaprio's next project cold be a Twilight Zone movie. [Reuters]
• A Russian version of The Office! [Brietbart]
• John Cleese on his ex-wife. "Guess how much I'm paying her? £900,000 a year. And we had no children. It is astonishing." Bitter, party of one. [Mirror]
• Mick Jagger turns 65 on Saturday, making him eligible for state pension: $180 a week. Dude's fortune is estimated at $450 million, btw. [Reuters]
• "I think this one will be such a success, it will be difficult to do a sequel because we've done one and we've topped it, obviously, and now we've got to top this. That is difficult. That is difficult because we've already broken the box office (record) in American movie history. We've got to break our own record. It's hard." — Michael Caine on doing a Dark Knight sequel. [MSNBC]

• Christian Bale's "assault" against his mother is part of a long-simmering feud. Apparently Christian's been estranged from his mother and sister, Jenny and Sharon Bale, since he sided with his father when his parents divorced in the early '90s. Christian "reluctantly" agreed to meet with them at his London hotel right before the premiere of The Dark Knight but soon realized they were there to hit him up for money. An argument ensued; Christian demanded they leave his suite and allegedly pushed his mother out of the door. Snubbed, his mother went and told her "assault" story; she's trying to sell it to media outlets as well. [Chicago Sun Times]
• Christian Bale singed autographs and posed for photos at the Madrid premiere of Dark Knight last night but did not speak to reporters, duh. By the by, he has not been formally charged with anything. [People]
• Christian's relationship with his wife? Solid. [E!]
• P.S.: Aaron Eckhart has agreed to be in a third Batman film. [ONTD]

• Princess diaries? The FBI has seized Anne Hathaway's journals and will scour the pages looking for info about her ex, Raffaello Follieri. Anne's apparently cut off all contact with Follieri and changed her numbers; a source says, "Raffaello has been trying to call her all the time." He's not doing to well in prison — and wonders if Anne helped put him behind bars. This is going to make a great movie of the week! [Rush & Molloy]
• Brad Pitt's lawyers have sent cease-and-desist letters to photo agencies after paparazzi used "highly powerful telephoto lenses" to get pics — maybe of the twins? [Rush & Molloy]
• Sienna Miller is suing over those shots of her cavorting with Balthazar Getty. She's claiming breach of privacy — and since she won a judgment in December regarding nude pictures of her on the set of Hippie Hippie Shake — she might have a shot. [People]
• Apparently Sienna's pubic hair is being digitally enhanced for Hippie Hippie Shake, a source says, because "the film is set in the swinging '60s when fashion was wild and body hair even wilder… Unfortunately, Brazilians weren't common in the '60s… Sienna's private parts were digitally enhanced, giving her a rather unruly, loud and proud bush." [Mirror]
• Britney's mom ran over a bike-riding young boy with her car and killed him. In 1975. But a source says, "To this day, Lynne hasn't gotten over what she did. She gets that terrified look in her eye when she is thinking about it." Lynne was rushing her injured brother to the hospital when the accident happened. [National Enquirer]
• Singer, fashion designer, actress and mother of two Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathalon, because you don't aleady feel bad enough about yourself. [MSNBC]
• Madonna's brother says his book doesn't even contain everything he wanted to reveal about Madge. "There are plenty of things I left out of the book," he swears. "And things that the lawyers and editors took out." [MSNBC]
• 50 Cent is suing Taco Bell for using his image in an ad campaign without his permission. The ads suggested that Fiddy change his name to 79, 89 or 99 Cent to help promote The Bell's penny-saving deals. 50 doesn't do fast food deals. Who does Taco Bell they think they are, Vitamin Water? [E!]
• Um, Pete Doherty is trying to turn his dead cat into a ring for Kate Moss. Shelley was Kate's fave cat when Kate and Pete were together. Pete's supposedly using that company that turns ashes into gems but yeah. Ugh. [ONTD]
• Let's do the time warp again: MTV is developing a remake of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. A reader writes: "MTV has ruined EVERYTHING WE LOVED. I don't even know how to deal. Seriously, my emotions on this subject are majorly conflicted. I'm sad, which makes me want chocolate cake, but I'm also homicidal, which makes me want chicken fingers." [ONTD, Variety]
• Ethan Hawke and his wife Ryan Shawhughes welcomed a daughter, Clementine Jane Hawke, last Friday. [Us Magazine]
• Lindsay Lohan's cameo role on Ugly Betty is that of Kimberley, Betty's high school nemesis, who is now a fast food waitress. [Mirror]
• Angelina Jolie us the first choice of leading lady in The Thomas Crown Affair 2, which is too bad because no one can be as hot as Rene Russo was in the 1999 version, which, btw, was a remake. [Mirror]
• Peaches Geldof says all that matters is "love, art and music," because they are the only "pure things in life." Then she was spotted with a drug vial necklace. [The Sun]
• Kelsey Grammer nearly died after his heart attack last month. "They had to blast me twice and get me started all over again," he says. Insert something about tossed salads and scrambled eggs here. [Yahoo News]
• Nick Hogan is moving from the juvenile section into the general population of the Pinellas County Jail. He'll be one of 3,300 adult inmates, gulp. [E!]
• A nanny fired on Jordan's reality show is suing the "glamour model" also called Katie Price. The nanny says her privacy was infringed on. [Mirror]
• Here is a story from Pigeon Forge, TN: "Two 14-week-old American bald eagles named by Disney star Miley Cyrus and her country singer father, Billy Ray Cyrus, will be released into the wild Thursday at the foothills of the Great Smoky Mountains. The American Eagle Foundation has released more than 90 eagles from Dolly Parton's Dollywood theme park in East Tennessee since the 1990s." [Yahoo News]
• A man has been charged with stalking Lorne Michaels. The dude believes his thoughts were being stolen by Michaels and then used as SNL fodder. That's just good writing! [E!]
• Avril Lavigne "hates her fangs" and is planning on getting her teeth filed down by a cosmetic dentist. Her punk attitude will remain intact. [Star]
• Elton John has a Ben & Jerry's flavor named after him. Goodbye Yellow Brickle Road is a yummy blend of chocolate ice cream, peanut butter cookie dough, butter brickle and white chocolate chunks and it's only available for a limited time. [ET]
• Remember Jasmine Guy, Whitley from A Different World? She's having messy divorce problems. [Yahoo News]
• Mindy McCready is in rehab; her 2-year-old son is in the care of her mother. [Yahoo News]
• Matt LeBlanc's former manager is suing him and Matt says Camille Cerio has a "major depressive disorder." [TMZ]
• "I hope to be married in the next five years." — Derek Jeter. [Page Six]
• "She's at that point where she can call me and say, 'Hey Dad, what's up? What time are you going to get me?' It's really cool. We talk every day. It's hard for me to be the tough guy with my daughter. Maybe I should work on the discipline stuff, but I could leave her mother to do that!… Look at me and the way I live: I ride my bicycle, I walk, I don't have a driver. That's how I keep her grounded. Her mom does a good job too – she's not that person that everyone thinks. She's very laidback and cool." — Carlos Leon on his relationship with daughter Lourdes, aka Lola. [People]

• Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham was on a plane with kids Romeo and Cruz when a bird flew into one the of the aircraft's engines right before take-off. According to The Sun, "Passengers screamed as the pilot slammed on the brakes and the plane screeched to a halt. It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria — she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pyjamas and no make-up." [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse hit her own damn bodyguard. Get a grip, girl! [The Sun]
• And here's a man who says Amy Winehouse punched him in the face three times at a pub. Is this new news? It's so hard to tell. [The Sun]
• Jamie Lynn Spears and new baby! Picture! [ONTD, via OK!]
• Is Mary-Kate Olsen heading back to rehab? Midweek Madness will have more on this later. [Star]

• Madonna is pissed that lawyers are saying her relationship with Alex Rodriguez is "an affair of the heart." [The Sun]
• The New York Post points out: "Yesterday's Times reported, 'Madonna has denied having an affair with Rodriguez.' In actuality, the hair-splitting statement issued in her name said she is 'not romantically involved with [Alex] Rodriguez.' As many readers of this newspaper know, you don't have to be romantically involved to have an affair." [Page Six]
• When Lenny Kravitz learned he was being accused of having an extramarital affair with Alex Rodriguez's wife, Cynthia, he "looked like he was going to throw up," according to a witness. Apparently Lenny fired Guy Oseary, who then planted the Cynthia Rodriguez story in retaliation. Messy! [Page Six]
• Alex Rodriguez was seen having lunch with Rabbi Michael Berg, the director of the Kabbalah Centre. What does it all meeaaaaaaaaaaan? [People]
• The Britney/Madonna video will be "very deep." [ONTD]
• Matthew McConaughey's little surfer dude is named Levi Alves McConaughey. [DListed]
• Jessica Simpson is "deeply hurt" by Pam Anderson calling her a "bitch and a whore" for wearing a T-shirt that read "Real Girls Eat Meat." [MSNBC]
• The Christie Brinkley divorce case chugs along. A shrink thinks Christie and Peter Cook both need therapy. [Fox News]
• But! Between the two, the psychiatrist thinks Christie is the one who should get custody. Because Peter Cook is a narcissist with a bottomless ego, blah blah blah. [Yahoo News]
• Nashville, TN is having a moment: Nicole Kidman gave birth there, Miley Cyrus, who grew up there, is also filming a movie in town; Sheryl Crow, Jack White and Kid Rock all own homes in Nashville. [Yahoo News]
• There will not, repeat, NOT, be a Friends movie. You may return to your regularly scheduled ennui. [Perez Hilton]
• Nick Cannon proposed to Mariah Carey twice! First when they were hanging out on her rooftop, he hid a 17-carat diamond inside a candy ring pop. A few days later, "He sort of kidnapped me and took me on a helicopter ride," she says. "Then he re-proposed." She spills this in the new Elle magazine. She's on the cover next to a line that reads, "Feeling broke?" Compared to Mariah I am, thanks! [People]
• Oprah's show helped the DVD of the BBC show Planet Earth sell 3m copies worldwide. She should be in the dictionary under "juggernaut." [Financial Times]
• David Lee Roth almost died! He was in anaphylactic shock due to a nut allergy when cops pulled him over for speeding. Now I'm gonna have "Just A Gigolo" stuck in my head. Ayyyyy ain't got nooooo body… [Perez Hilton]
• Will Pete Doherty and Kate Moss get back together? Apparently they've been "swapping hot texts." [Mirror]
• The news that Chris Martin loves changing diapers is almost as boring as a Coldplay song. [The Sun]
• Twenty-year-old model Lily Cole: Went out with thirty-five year-old Jude Law recently; is now seeing rocker Bryan Ferry, 62. The Mail says, "He's old enough to be your granddad!" [Daily Mail]
• The Balthazar Getty/Sienna Miller affair continues, and now they're in Italy… as is Balthazar's wife. [Page Six]
• Kathie Lee Gifford: Seen using some sort of exercise device in the ladies room of a New York city restaurant. [Page Six]
• Russell Simmons is on the market! Porschia Coleman, the lady he was dating when his wife Kimora filed for divorce, is now out of the picture. Brown, leggy model? You could be next! [Page Six]
• Kirsten Dunst: Seen making out with a downtown DJ. [Page Six]
• The previously discussed Jimi Hendrix sex tape will hit very soon. Are you experienced? [Rush & Molloy]
• Kinda lame blind item: "Which chummy-seeming reality-show hosts can't stand each other off-camera?" [Rush & Molloy]
• Another beauty queen with "embarrassing" photos! This time it's Elyse Umemoto, Miss Washington 2007. She's just like, flipping off the camera, holding booze and making "suggestive oral sex gang signs." [TMZ]
• "George is a great guy, a wonderful person. I don't regret spending time with him, and he's a great person to get to know. We still remain friends and have kept in touch. In fact, we spoke over the phone a couple of days ago. He's fun to be around, down to earth, laid back, funny and smart. Most people know George has a great sense of humor and is an adept storyteller, but I will always miss his extraordinary dance moves." — Sarah Larson. [L.A. Times]
• "Who doesn't feel the pressure in this business? You can't be in it as a woman and not be mowed down by these things. You can either submit - or just get mad and defy it! I don't work out. I am fatter than any movie star you have ever met! But, you know, I don't care! My oldest daughter is an actress and the pressure on her to remain really, really, really thin, to be glamorous is intense. To be at openings and wearing couture and having people throw borrowed clothing and borrowed jewellery at her like she is a mannequin, just to sell other people's crap. It is too bad. It doesn't really enhance your ability to do the job." — Meryl Streep. [Mirror]

• Drew Barrymore and Justin Long: Dunzo. Sigh. They seemed so ridiculously happy, didn't they? They've been together since August 2007, though they knew each other for seven years before getting serious. Drew's been through so much… Sniff. [Us Magazine]
• Kate Moss and Jamie Hince: Also splitsville! Sob. Now Cher is stuck in my head. [People]
• Matthew McConaughey is a dad! Camilla Alves gave birth to a baby boy yesterday. Matt and Camilla are both "stoked." [Us Magazine]
• Lily Allen is back with Ed Simons from the Chemical Brothers. This is according to diligent reporting by checking their Facebook profiles. [The Sun]
• Oh! And Samantha Ronson bought Lindsay Lohan a $21,000 Cartier ring. It's not an engagement ring, it's a token of her commitment. But yeah. Ah, love. [Mirror]
• James Haven and Maddox Jolie-Pitt visited Angelina Jolie in the hospital over the weekend. Still no twins! [People]
• Amy Winehouse is addicted. To tanning beds. [The Sun]

• Wait! Amy Winehouse as Doctor Who? Seriously? [The Sun]
• Ashley Dupré, the high-class hooker of whom Eliot Spitzer was a client, is developing a cable reality series. Hmmm. Possible names: Hookin Ain't Easy, Girl Gone Mild, You, Me & Dupré. Meh. Got anything? [E!]
• Did Nicole Kidman name her new daughter Sunday because Keith Urban has a song called Sunday? Or is it because Nic's Catholic and still bitter about her Scientology experience? [MSNBC]
• Steve-O says that after 115 days of sobriety, he's "back in the looney bin." Uh-oh. [USA Today]
• Pete Doherty missed a £60,000 gig this weekend because his cat went into labor. Kittens! [The Sun]
• Serena Williams's maybe-boyfriend Common was in London where — what a coincidence! — Serena was kicking ass at Wimbeldon. She had a house, he had a hotel room, the whole thing is super hush-hush. [E!]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal checked in with Katie Holmes before she agreed to play the part of Rachel in the new Batman flick. "I wanted to be sure, first of all, that I had her blessing," Maggie says. "And I was assured that I did. I'm a big fan of hers, I think she was really great in the first movie. And yet I felt like it wouldn't have done anyone any good if I tried to imitate her. Really what I decided was that it had to be a whole new woman. If I'm going to do what I do well, I have to be free to do it." [Contact Music]
• Shaquille O'Neal is supposedly getting divorced, and yet he was all hugged up with the wife in the Cayman Islands over the weekend. [TMZ]
• Selma Blair was one of the only Hellboy II stars who didn't have to wear prosthetics or heavy makeup, so naturally, she teased her castmates relentlessly. "On the hottest days, when the other actors [couldn't] breathe in their makeup, I breeze in and say how sweaty I feel in my cotton tank top," she says. I plan to see this movie, and I'm not ashamed to say so. Anyone else? [Page Six]
• Are you interested in Kid Rock's "skanky panky"? Click here, no one will judge you. But it's not that interesting. [Rush & Molloy]
• Psyched about Mamma Mia!? Don't get your hopes up for an ABBA reunion tour. [Yahoo News]
• The Osbournes are coming back to TV! The family will host a prime-time variety hour kinda like Sonny and Cher had. Good idea? [Reuters]
• News you did not need to know: Flavor Flav lost his virginity at the age of six. [Perez Hilton]
• Keanu Reeves' court transcript regarding a paparazzo's negligence lawsuit will be sealed because it's none of your business. [E!]
• Kanye West may be taking anger management courses. [StereoHyped]
• "I thought innocent until proven guilty also applied in U.S. law. It seems sad when, as everybody who has had a drug problem knows, it takes supreme effort to get where I am today. I was really looking forward to doing my first live tour for a decade, and to be told that after all this hard work, I am not welcome in the U.S. for even six short weeks is heartbreaking. I am hardly a threat to national security. I am just a performer trying to do his job." — Boy George. [Newsweek]
• "My life is part humor, part roses, part thorns. I'll come off the stage at Texas Stadium (and) I'm a rock god. And then, an hour and a half later, I'm throwing a football and waiting for a cheeseburger from a truck stop at Carl's Corner, alongside a freeway. That is the balance in life." — Bret Michaels. [USA Today]
• "I don’t expect to ever get married again or have children. I am never at home and every woman gets sick of it… If I was them, I would never put up with me for long — and they don’t." — George Clooney. [MSNBC]
• Bette Midler answered Vanity Fair's Proust Questionnaire. Her life motto: "Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke." [Variety]

• First Class lounges aren't really exclusive enough for Jennifer Lopez anymore, but she's got a resourceful fix: she slips through a mysterious unmarked door in the lounge, giving the illusion she is entering some platinum VIP area, when really she's just hiding in a storage closet. Yeah, I couldn't have made that shit up either. [MSNBC]
• Oh shit, and this JUST HAPPENED: so maybe JLo was just avoiding getting served with the $5 million lawsuit filed by the flight attendant her guard dog attacked. [TMZ]
• But a subpoena in that 1999 nightclub shooting — shit, it sucks when you realize something that feels forever ago actually was forever ago — found her! [NY Post]
• Verne Troyer is suing TMZ for $20 million over that sex tape thing. Not because it's a sex tape, but for copyright reasons. Show of hands: did anyone actually watch the clip of this? I really don't think he lost too many otherwise paying customers. If amateur midget porn is what you're into is a little clip really going to sate you? [TMZ]
• Bill Clinton and Oprah Winfrey ran into each other at Nelson Mandela's 90th birthday party but sources say it didn't seem like they had much to say to one another. [Page Six]
• Will Anne Hathaway put aside the hurt she feels and save the poor puppy Raffaello Follieri can no longer afford to have walked? Well, Anne?? [Page Six]

• And speaking of our dashing Italian Vati-con, some socialite is pissed she invited him and Anne to some event and they paid for tickets and never showed up. Cry me a fucking river, Lauren Vernon. [NY Post]
• Babyshambles is pulling out of the Glastonbury Festival. [Guardian]
• Amy Winehouse is…still planning on performing! [Telegraph]
• "I do not speak to those two. First of all, he drinks too much. And is very insulting. And they are not invited to my July Fourth party in the Hamptons, which is very big and which is my fifth annual and which everybody wants to come to. She and I will keep doing the show, of course, but I will have nothing to do with her otherwise." Now, I know it's summer, when Cindy Adams devotes an entire column about a group of reality stars who actually fess up to making less than $1,000 a show, but this column is seriously kind of awesome. [NY Post]
• You can take Donda West's surgeon off your list of "Notorious Hollywood Plastic surgeons most likely to be nabbed on DUI charges" now. [AP]
• If you haven't already heard about this from that one guy you know who could die happy if only for another Phish Reunion tour, well…Phish might be reuniting. [Reuters]
• Will Smith's Fourth of July movie sounds reaaally promising. [Fox News]
• Jessica Biel is looking kind of gaunt and French these days, like she's taken up an unhealthy lifestyle or something, and I mean that in the best way possible. [People]
• Engaged: Uma Thurman, to some "financier." [He's Elle Macpherson's ex! -Ed.] [NY Daily News]
• Engaged and actually planning to wed: Portia to Ellen. [NY Daily News]
  Engaged and not actually planning to wed: Joel Madden to Nicole Richie. [People]

Earlier: Rolling Stone Writer Convinces Us That Amy Winehouse Is Going To Die

Conceptual Confrontations: Judge Judy Vs. Latarian Milton

• Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to kicking and spitting at police officers after screaming foul words at a British Airways employee. Naomi was heard on the phone saying: "They have lost my fucking bags, get me another flight, get the press, get me my lawyer." What? Like you don't say that all the time. Please. [The Sun]
• Didja hear? Jamie Lynn Spears squeezed out a daughter named Maddie Briann yesterday. Good luck, kid! Er, kids. [E!]
• Not that you needed to know this but: JLS didn't have a C-section. [ET]
• Casey Aldridge was so nervous the first time he held his new daughter — birthed by girlfriend Jamie Lynn Spears — that he said he was afraid he's drop her. Aw. [TMZ]
• "[Jamie Lynn] is awfully young to be a momma, but that's what they make [grandmothers] for. They have to help. That's the way it is with our circle of friends." —JLS's distant cousin Margie Busby. [People]
• Britney might move back to Louisiana. [Us]
• Snoop Dogg's new country video is out! "Country music is the most underrated music in the world," Snoop, who dedicates the song to Johnny Cash, says. "It always has the test of time, it's great, it's heartfelt, and it touches people no matter what color they are or where they're from." [People]

• Amy Winehouse is still in the hospital. [People]
• Tom Cruise is introducing David Beckham and Will Smith to fencing. Or, as this paper notes, they play with their swords together. [Mirror]
• Would you look at Will Smith's son, Jaden, 9, surrounded by blondes? [E!]
• Rhys Ifans is "heartbroken" after his split with Sienna Miller, which is why he got loaded and threw a beer bottle at photographers. Or maybe they were harassing him. [The Sun]
• Holy crap! After 14 years, is there a song from the Guns N Roses album, Chinese Democracy? [E!]
• OMG OMG Match Game is coming back? Seriously, I watch the old episodes on GSN and it is the best thing ever conceived. Drunk celebrities making sexual innuendos and double entendres. Bret Sommers, Richard Dawson, Charles Nelson Reilly. And that skinny mic Gene Rayburn rocks! It's corny, it's genius. Watch this. Or this. Oh! Anyway: Sarah Silverman, Norm MacDonald and Rashida Jones will be on the new version. [ONTD]
• Katie Holmes's Broadway play is bumping Mario Lopez's Broadway musical from its theater. Are we living in a parallel dimension where such a sentence makes sense? [ONTD]
• Janice Dickinson: Seen wearing an eyepatch and throwing water on a paparazzi. These TMZ dudes are jerks, huh? They just stalk and harass celebs till something happens and then post the video as "news." [TMZ]
• If you know who Charlotte Church is, you may care that she is pregnant with her second child. [The Sun]
• Oh no! The H, A, and N on this Hancock billboard in London were added last. Meaning, for a period of time, the sign read COCK. [The Sun]
• In Pete Doherty's new YouTube video, he films himself while taking a bath. What? At least he's clean. [The Sun]
• Molly Sims' dog ate so much sand it had to go to the hospital. [Page Six]
• Socialite Tinsley Mortimer is apparently too boring to get her own MTV show. [Page Six]
• Oprah Winfrey's bff Gayle King likes James Frey's new book, ha ha. [Page Six]
• Twin models walked off the set of Catherine Zeta-Jones's new movie The Rebound because they didn't want to wear skimpy bathing suits, yawn. [Page Six]
• Is there trouble in paradise for Ivana Trump and her new hubby? He didn't go with her to England's Royal Ascot races or to a slew of parties in Saint-Tropez. What the hell is wrong with him? Hanging with Ivana sounds fun. [Rush & Molloy]
• Jeremy Piven hit on Megan Fox at a party and promptly struck out. [Page Six]
• Jay-Z's new glasses are reminiscent of Raj from What's Happening!!. [The.Life Files]

[Glasgow, Scotland; May 19. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

[London, May 14. Image via Bauer-Griffin]

/

• Angelina Jolie confirms: She is having twins. You knew that, right? Anyway an exclusive interview scored by NBC's Today show was lifted by NBC's Access Hollywood and now NBC producers are pissed at each other. [Page Six]
  
• It was Jack Black who spilled the beans about Angie's twins, actually. [People]
  
• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo might still be together. Unfortunately, that's not as interesting as if they were broken up. [E!]
  
• Um, more Britney pregnancy rumors. I'm scared. Someone hold me. [Mirror]
  
• Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty kissing. This is one of those pictures where obviously the buss was on the cheek but it kind of looks like they were heading for the lips. In any case, the paper calls them a "gruesome twosome." [Mirror]
  
• To be honest, Pete's got something weird on his lip and face. It is kind of gruesome. [The Sun]
  
• Meanwhile, Blake Incarcerated says Amy Winehouse will die without him, but he doesn't want to go back to her when he gets out of jail because she is doing drugs. [News.com.au]

• Madonna's court adoption ruling has been delayed. The judge needs to review some paperwork. [Reuters]
• Mariah Carey's ex-boyfriend, producer Mark Sudack, whom she was with for almost four years, is "shattered" that MC is suddenly married to someone else. He and Mariah just broke up in the beginning of 2008. [MSNBC]
• Fantasia was a "trainwreck" on American Idol. [Perez Hilton]
• Sean "Diddy" Combs is looking for sponsors for his Cannes yacht party. Any takers? [Mirror]
• Actress Michelle Trachtenberg (Buffy, Gossip Girl) fainted in the middle of a downtown NYC party. But! Homegirl rallied and stayed out the rest of the night. That's how Georgina Sparks would do it! [Page Six]
• Rumor has it Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz will be getting married this weekend in a seven-figure ceremony. Friends and family were notified via Evites, haha. The good news is they were apparently made for each other; a source says: "Ashlee is so needy, she just hangs all over Pete. But he loves it. He's always had a thing for vulnerable girls...They complete each other." [Rush & Molloy]
• Blind item! "Which young actress may be a little too much like her TV character? At a wrap party for her show, the tween got totaled at the bar and had to crawl into a waiting taxi." [Rush & Molloy]
• Anne Heche's show, Men In Trees, was canceled and now she can't afford to pay child and spousal support. Unemployment sucks. [People]
• Halle Berry has a new diamond ring! On her ring finger. But it's not from her baby daddy. She bought it for herself. So very modern. [People]
• Star Jones is "sexy, single and heating up the Cannes Film Festival." Wait, what? [ET]
• The Season 3 finale of Flavor of Love is the show's finale episode. Ever. It's the end of the series. Well, we'll always have Under One Roof. Ugh. [UPI]
• A contestant on Australia's Next Top Model came close to a nervous breakdown from being bullied by the other girls in the house. [News.au.com]
• Hugh Grant, Liz Hurley and her husband Arun Nayar won £58,000 in damages for invasion of privacy over photographs taken of them on holiday. That's enough cash for another trip! [BBC News]
• Superbad star Jonah Hill in a modern-day 21 Jump Street? Dude is no Johnny Depp. Or Peter DeLuise, for that matter. [Variety]
• A hybrid car was flown from Japan to Paul McCartney in London and critics are saying that any environmental benefits from using the car would be undermined by its mode of delivery. Sigh. [Guardian]
• Sean Penn lit up two cigarettes at the Cannes Film Festival, in violation on French laws against smoking in public buildings. Badass! [USA Today]
• The ladies of Sex And The City are on the cover of Entertainment Weekly, because they have not had enough publicity lately. [Just Jared]
• Oprah's dead dogs, commemorated in sculpture and sitting on her head. [TMZ]
• PETA still hates Mary-Kate Olsen. [Peta2]
• James McAvoy in Mean magazine: Hot. [ONTD]
• "I put on 40 pounds with Moses. And I found it really hard to loose the last 20 pounds. I didn't mind having the big boobs. But it was the stomach roll, the back fat, and the post-pregnant butt. And it was so hard to get rid of." — Gwyneth Paltrow. [People]
• "Samantha, she's Aphrodite. She loves them and leaves them. She has no guilt about her desires. If I'm associated with sexuality until the day I die I'll be happy — because I intend to be sexual until the day I die." — Kim Cattrall on her Sex And The City character. [The Sun]
• "When I see pictures [of myself] I do sometimes think, 'You miserable cow!'" — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Mirror]

• Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo: Dunzo! [