Today's Cluster of Cells Outrage-Fest Boogaloo is a real doozie.

It's great to live in America, a place where our two-party system allows you to align yourself politically with someone who sort of agrees with you a lot of the time, and then voting them into office where they'll hopefully make decisions and laws that reflect what you believe is best for the country. If you live in…

Three new bills in Alabama would redefine "person" as "any human being from the moment of fertilization or the functional equivalent thereof" — and require that all uses of the word "person" in the state constitution be accompanied by "all humans from the moment of fertilization." In addition to no doubt upping the state's…