According to WWD, In Touch's Bauer Publishing spent around $75,000 on the exclusive photos, which they also ran in sister publication Life & Style. The same week, People published its "Hottest Bachelor" issue, with Chace Crawford as the main image. It's fairly obvious that People's cover:

1. Is not "news" or gossip — what weekly readers are usually looking for.
2. Is not appealing to a wide segment of the population; many people have no idea who the decidedly B-list Chace Crawford is. While he may have films in the works, his show doesn't have great ratings and he's not a household name like former "Bachelor" picks Matthew McConaughey or even last year's pick, Mario Lopez.
3. Has questionable wording, as 23-year-old Crawford's hotness is debatable, and making a big deal of his status as a bachelor? At 23? Odd. (When McConaughey was on, the wording emphasized "Sexy And Single!")

In any case, Kate Gosselin has become something of a cash cow for the weeklies: Us has done seven Gosselin-related covers in a row, and when the editors deviated with Stephanie Pratt's "bulimia" issue, sales plummeted, reports the New York Post.

Of course, Jon and Kate are only a temporary replacement for those other tabloid staples, Brad and Angelina. But is the narrative for both the Gosselins and the Jolie-Pitts similar, in some ways? With both couples, there's a deep interest in the woman, and what kind of person she is. Kate is depicted either as a nag, an opportunist, or both; Angelina as impulsive or a saint, or a husband-stealer and seductress. Both women are mothers with a mess of kids, which supermarket shoppers — the target audience for these publications, which compete for real estate at checkout aisles nationwide — can often relate to. And with both couples, a storyline unfolded before the world's eyes, so that picking up a weekly magazine became a way to keep up with episodes on the soap opera.


The problem for the tabloids, of course, is that Angelina and Brad don't have a TV show about their personal lives. So the magazines are forced to create "episodes" — whether or not they are based in fact. As Oliver Burkeman writes in the Guardian:

The frenetic state of today's celebrity news industry stems from one inescapable fact: the lives of real people - even people as volatile and wealthy as A-list movie stars - simply don't unfold fast enough to meet the appetite for information about them. Weekly magazines need weekly scoops, and preferably scoops different enough to distinguish them from their rivals.

Editorial meetings at celebrity magazines, therefore, may not always resemble those elsewhere. "You build the story around an emotion," says a celebrity weekly editor, who spoke on condition of anonymity. "What's happening with poor Jen this week? Well, John Mayer's seeing someone else, and for a woman of her age, that must be awful ... So you construct a narrative of what a woman her age may be feeling." Stories may start with nothing more than a set of photographs: Aniston looking happy, or sad - or happy one moment and sad the next, since if you take multiple shots of anyone, with a fast shutter speed, you can capture a range of expressions. "The question is: how can we construct a story around a set of emotions that our readers are going to relate to? It can come from a genuine tip, or a photo. Or it can come out of our ass."

But do people know — or care — that the weekly tabloids repeatedly print false stories? Does the blurred line between "news" and entertainment bother anyone? How long can money be made off of Jon and Kate, Brad and Angie? And now that the Gosselins have taken over for Angelina and Brad as the tabloid darlings, who will replace the Gosselins when readers have had enough of that story?

And: Though In Touch bested People in sales, since In Touch has a history of "fake news" covers, can it really be declared a winner?

Kate Plus Cover: In Touch Beats People With Reality-Show Photo [NY Post]
The Brangelina Industry [Guardian]
Memo Pad: Kate Versus Chace [WWD]

There's no sign of a bandana under that tri-cornered hat, but we still have no desire to be one of the wenches on Bret Michaels' Rock of Love Pirate Ship.


Apparently Brody Jenner has set sail as well. Our fantasy: that he and Bret will strike up a bromance and spare the womenfolk on board.


There's really nothing wrong with this photo of NFL player Will Demps, but we can't stop thinking about Bret and Brody, and it's hard to see through the tears.


It's cool that the editors decided Lance Bass being gay doesn't disqualify him from being a one of the "Hottest Bachelors," but his pose clearly says, "sorry ladies, can not have!" We've never seen a man pulling away from a woman on the cover of a romance novel, but if female readers are snatching up novels about gay male romance, why not have a genre devoted to women lusting after homosexual former boy band members?


Earlier: What Women Want: Gay Male Sex

It's unclear why the term is used so frequently in the People article, especially since Michelle is never quoted using the word herself. The article says (emphasis added):

Just one month on the job, the First Lady takes a break to talk to PEOPLE about loving her family's new life in the White House, her juggling act as mom-in-chief and helpmate to leader of the free world-and, yes, when we'll get to meet the First Puppy.

She is, all at once, so many different things to so many different people: the first African-American First Lady; mom to two very young girls; Ivy League-educated lawyer on hiatus from her own career; fashion icon; traditional hostess and wifely helpmate.

She recognizes that "helpmate" has taken on a whole new meaning as she watches her husband getting grayer by the month.

For now, she's just focused on the job at hand, saying she wants to live up to being the helpmate and role model Americans are looking for in a First Lady.

According to The American Heritage Dictionary, the word means simply, "A helper and companion, especially a spouse" and comes from a translation of the Bible that refers to God promising Adam "a help meet suitable for him." Obviously, the word could be interpreted to mean that a wife is nothing more than a helper to her husband, but does the term always have a negative connotation? Melissa McEwan writes:

The most obvious word to use would be partner, which I'm guessing was not used for the very reason I like the word-its implicit suggestion of equality.

However, it's actually not the first time Michelle Obama has been described as Barack's "helpmate" rather than his "partner." In a Reader's Digest article on Michelle last year, author Melinda Henneberger wrote:

If Barack is elected, Michelle insists, she has no interest in a role beyond that of helpmate and mother.

And in a December USA Today article, Obama family friend Barbara Engel used the term, saying of Michelle:

She's a down-to-earth woman with consummate self-confidence and excellent judgment, complete integrity, and capable of keeping her kids grounded while being a helpmate and adviser to her husband ... I think Michelle is going to make history as first lady. ... She will keep it real.

In the same article, Ann Stock, White House social secretary under President Clinton says, "The first lady has always been a helpmate and sounding board for the president, his most trusted adviser, and that's always a given." It's likely the use of the word has more to do with Hillary Clinton than Michelle Obama. While it's true that "partner" seems like a more modern term for your spouse, Michelle sanctioning the frequent use of "helpmate" probably has less to do with her not being considered her husband's equal, and more to do with reassuring the American people that Barack's "partner" isn't going to be overhauling the health care system anytime soon.

Lovely Lady Helpmate [Shakesville]
Helpmate [Dictionary.com]
Michelle Obama Interview: Her Father's Daughter [Reader's Digest]
What Kind Of First Lady Will Michelle Obama Be? [USA Today]

The interview is full of details about Michelle's daily routine that underscore why we will never have a day half as productive as hers. In addition to getting up at 5:30am every day and keeping two BlackBerrys, Michelle says:

We don't have TiVo. For me, I think TiVo would be dangerous. The notion of, like, sitting and watching shows for hours, I could see getting caught up in that.

She says that instead of catching up on American Idol,

I read more magazines. The New Yorker is one of my big, sort of relaxing reads.

Michelle says she's aware that with all the loving fist bumps and romantic Inaugural dances, what People calls a "mythology" has grown up around her marriage. While Michelle explains that yes, she and Barack really do like and respect each other, she adds:

I don't want anybody to think that it's easy. It works because we really work at it ... We have a strong marriage, but it's not perfect.

But there's no evidence of any marital strife in her account of their family dinner ritual:

We do something called "roses and thorns," and we each share our rose and our thorn," Michelle Obama says. She pauses. "Malia has pointed out to Barack that, as she said, "Dad you seem to have a pretty thorny job." We looked at each other and laughed and said, "It's okay, you can say that."

Later Michelle remarks:

I have to say, I've had a lot of rosy days ... I think I have the good end of the deal.

One thing keeping her in high spirits is the comic stylings of Sasha and Malia:

Our girls are just complete comic relief," she says. "We're dealing with the age range where they're pretty funny in their observations and sort of lack of being impressed with any of this.

The girls have decided they're too old for mom and dad to read to them at bedtime, and Michelle says, "They're now independent readers." But they still enjoy running around the White House!

"I've tried to encourage them to feel like this whole place is their home," Mrs. Obama says. "We actually had this conversion - just let us know where you're going."

The girls have also been pestering her about the one topic on the minds of all Americans: the puppy.

Mrs. Obama says she favors Portuguese Water Dogs, the breed Sen. Ted Kennedy lobbied for. And the target date is April, after that spring break trip. "So Sasha says, "April 1st." I said, "April." She says, "April 1st. It's, like, April!"

But Michelle doesn't like the names the girls have suggested for the puppy:

"Frank was one of them. Moose was another," she says with a laugh and a roll of her eyes. "I'm like, no. Come on. Lets work with the names a little bit.

Finally, Michelle explains that she chose to pose for the cover of Vogue because she knows she's an inspiration for African Americans, especially young women like her daughters.

While I don't consider myself a fashionista," she says, "I thought it was good for my daughters and little girls just like them , who haven't seen themselves represented in these magazines, hopefully to talk more broadly about what beauty is, what intelligence is, what counts."

[Image via People]

The survey reports that 67% of pet owners said they can understand their animals' sounds (such as barks and meows) and 62% of owners said that their pets can understand them when they speak. One-fifth of pet owners said they and their pets understand each other's sounds completely.

Who are these people who say they can communicate with their pets? They are mostly female, living on a lower-income, older and cat-owners. Fewer than six in 10 males said they and their pets understand one another. Men!

AP Poll: Understanding Those Barks And Meows [AP]
Evan Rachel Wood Finds A New Love—A Cat! [People]

"She's scary smart. But smart only takes you so far. She also has an amazing knack, perhaps more than any other star, for knowing how to shape a public image." Times reporter Brooks Barnes points out that while Jennifer Lopez also sold pictures of her twins to People, she has a team of eight to assist her. "Ms. Jolie, 33, has her cellphone, a lawyer and [her manager] Mr. Kosinski (and, of course, the counsel of her partner, Mr. Pitt)."

Barnes insists that if a magazine wants Angelina's cooperation with a story, they're going to have to highlight her humanitarian work. He writes:

Shifting the focus is one of Ms. Jolie’s best maneuvers, magazine editors and publicity executives say. When she became romantically involved with Mr. Pitt, for instance, she faced a public relations crisis — being portrayed in the tabloid press as a predator who stole Mr. Pitt from his wife, Jennifer Aniston.

What did Angie do? She appeared in Pakistan, Afghanistan, and Kashmir, focusing on international crises. "Presto, they come out looking like serious people who have transformed a silly press obsession into a sincere attempt to help the needy," says celebrity publicist Michael Levine. Of course, Angelina's philanthropic adviser, Trevor Neilson, who is a former executive at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, says: "People don’t realize the complexity of what Angie is doing. A lot of her charity work is done quietly and not in front of the media."

Meanwhile, numbers at magazines like In Touch and Life & Style — which do not have exclusive deals with A-list celebrities like Angelina — are down. Does this mean people are buying exactly what Angelina wants them to?

Angelina Jolie’s Carefully Orchestrated Image [NY Times]
For Two Celebrity Mags, a Reality Check on Readers [WSJ]

From the People interview with Hugh:
Q: How do you keep the passion alive?

It's easy with my wife. She loves the idea of me coming home in costume because it makes her feel like she's having an affair in a good way. When we met, I was cast as a prisoner with tattoos and she'd say, "Don't take your tattoos off tonight!" and I'd be like, "All right!" But what works best with her is the stockbroker look. She also says, "Do your sexy dance for me," [an '80s-like, hip-swiveling number] and that works for me.

Q: What do you wear to bed?

I didn't wear anything until my daughter was born and we had a night nanny because I was working. I walked out stark naked, and she was reading a book. Now I like boxer briefs.

• Sean Penn: Lousy gay lover! Diego Luna was asked about kissing Sean for Milk and said, "It was...dry." He added: "I guess he was thinking about Franco." But costar James Franco claims kissing Sean was "fine." Not hot, steamy, fun. Fine. [E!]
• Britney's youngest son, Jayden, has been released from the hospital. He was rushed to the emergency room on Sunday is because he had an allergic reaction to something he ate. The 2-year-old had hives, was itchy and irritable. The family is "just not sure" what triggered the reaction. [Page Six, TMZ]
• Madonna had a dinner party at her apartment and invited her non-Kabbalah friends, so they could meet her "friend" Alex Rodriguez. [Mirror]
• Madonna let Guy see his sons! There's a picture of Rocco and David at the airport, hugging Guy. Apparently Madonna has a list of demands that Guy must meet while the kids are with him in London. It includes a ban on TV, non-organic food and clothes not sent by her. For some reason, can't you picture Guy getting the kids hopped up on sugar and Disney cartoons? [Daily Mail]
• People and Us Weekly put Barack Obama on their covers, and those issues sold extremely well. America wasn't interested in Jennifer Aniston or Suri Cruise last week? Really? [MSNBC]

• Will a Barack Obama documentary sweep the Emmys? It's co-produced by Ed Norton… [LA Times]
• Malia and Sasha Obama might get to visit the set of Hannah Montana! "The invitation is there," Billy Ray Cyrus says. "The Hannah Montana film comes out in April. Maybe something might happen around then. Maybe not. I don’t know… I have got to keep a secret." Uh, too late! [Access Hollywood]
• Michelle Williams' dad, Larry Williams, a prominent stock market trader, has agreed to return to the U.S. to face tax evasion charges. He's been in Australia, though he's actually a resident of the Virgin Islands. He possibly owes $1.5 million in unpaid taxes. [Yahoo News]
• Here's a snippet from the Blake Lively interview in W magazine: "Lively doesn’t even attempt to hide her glee at all the freebies foisted upon her, from designer dresses and diamond bangles to an utterly insane number of pricey purses. 'I probably have, like, 60 gorgeous bags,' she says. 'I have a closet with my really sharp, fancy, nice ones—the ones that go with my Valentino pumps, for example. And then I have a closet with the ones that are a little more rugged-feeling, the kind that go with my Belstaff motorcycle boots.'" [W]
• Juliette Lewis met Ed Westwick and said, "Who is this guy?" Someone's not watching Gossip Girl. He's Chuck Bass! [Rush & Molloy]
• The creators of Gossip Girl say the show is like "a chess game." See, "Chuck and Blair are the king and queen. Everyone else, except Serena, is a pawn.” Hmm, isn't the show more like Trouble, what with the pop-o-matic dice and the moving in circles? Wait, what was the question again? [People]
• Amy Winehouse "lost it" after finding out Blake Fielder-Civil contacted the "other woman" when he got out of jail. Blake Formerly Incarcerated says, "She hasn’t dumped me. We both love each other and will be together for ever. We have spoken on the phone and I’m expecting a visit from her any time now. We can’t wait to be back together." Keep hope alive! [The Sun]
• When asked about the rumors linking him to Evan Rachel Wood, Mickey Rourke said, "She's a good friend, that's it. Tell that faggot who wrote all that shit in the paper I'd like to break his fucking legs." Whoops! Mickey's sorry! Rourke has released a statement which reads, "I want to sincerely apologize for the derogatory word I used. It was insensitive and inappropriate of me and I am deeply sorry that I may have offended anyone." [Yahoo News via E!]
• Nicole Kidman was on Oprah yesterday, and at O's urging, she pulled out a picture of her baby, Sunday Rose. [Perez Hilton]
• Speaking of Nicole, something is up with her new flick, Australia. The studio forced director Baz Luhrmann to change the ending, but don't click unless you want to know, this entire article is a spoiler alert. [LA Times]
• Mariah Carey's demands for the World Music Awards: A £100,000 private jet transport to the ceremony in Monte Carlo and a £10,000-a-night penthouse suite at the exclusive Hotel de Paris for two nights. Plus! VIP treatment for her 15-member entourage. [Daily Mail]
• Mariah was on Simon Cowell's X Factor over the weekend, and some people are saying it was one of her worst performances ever. Click for video and judge for yourself. (My 2¢: Her voice is not what it used to be.) [The.Life Files]
• Blind item! "Which proud new papa isn't much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender." [Rush & Molloy]
• Evan Rachel Wood claims the Obama camp wanted Marilyn Manson to play for Barack. A spokesperson says, "That it not true." [Yahoo News]
• Isaiah Washington is speaking out about Brooke Smith being fired from Grey's Anatomy: "I looked at a brilliant actress, whom I have adored since I first saw her in Silence of the Lambs. For her to be treated this way, I find very interesting. The fact is that, just before the holidays, you have a mother, a wonderful actress removed from a steady income without the proper reasoning behind it…You look at the way another consummate professional [is] being treated because her character, her story line [has] potentially made producers uncomfortable. Now that I see what they're doing to a show that I love and I care about, I think it's disgusting. The fact that Shonda has been put in this position is extremely unfair. It's unfortunate because it was probably, at the time, the most progressive show on television. Now I see it [being] systematically torn apart. Bring Burke back!" Yeah, that's right, Burke. Not Brooke. He's talking about himself, you see. [Perez Hilton
• Oh dear: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt will guest star on How I Met Your Mother. Well, at least Heidi's psuedo-employed after losing her fake job. [E!, People]
• America Ferrera will star and executive produce a drama called American Tragic, about a young war vet who sets off across the country with a buddy to find redemption. Ferrera will play his wife. [Variety]
• Queen Latifah will host the People's Choice Awards on January 7. [Variety]
• Are Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel getting married or not? (Seems like "not.") [MSNBC]
• Tim Robbins is still battling the New York City board of elections. Did he show up to the wrong polling place? Or did they change his location without him knowing? [Page Six, NY Times]
• Regis Philbin gave his old elementary school $1.5 million in 2005; it's since been shut down. Think he wishes he had the cash back? [Page Six]
• Will Eminem's new CD come out on time? There was a December due date, but a source says, "He is being a perfectionist and is completely obsessive-compulsive about this album. There's a 50-50 chance it will be done by the end of this year - but most likely it'll be the first quarter of next year." After this long, why rush? [Page Six]
• NBC's Medium returns in January with new castmember Tracy Pollan, aka Mrs. Michael J. Fox. [EW]
• In Roger Moore's memoir, you learn that that during the filming of Live and Let Die, his first Bond flick, he had kidney stones, so he took a painkiller, methylene, that both knocked him out and turned his urine blue. He woke up in the middle of the night, mistook his closet for a bathroom and peed all over his clothes, "dying them a delightful azure." [Time]
• Kelsey Grammer on Sarah Palin: "I don't know that she doesn't know that Africa is a continent… And if I read it in the New York Times, I have to get a second source." Damn librul media! [TMZ]
• The Dallas reunion was a Texas-sized mess! Hundreds more people than expected showed up for Saturday night's barbecue and cast reunion at Southfork Ranch; angry fans complained they didn't get the access to cast members they'd paid $500 to see; while others got close to the stars without paying. [Yahoo News]
• By the by, Mayim Bialik, the star of '90s sit com Blossom, had a baby about a month or two ago. Her second child, a boy named Fred. [TMZ]
• Former boy band mogul, Lou Perlman, is discussed in a new book, and the consensus is the dude is "creepy" and tried to "wrestle" with the boys he managed. Perlman's currently serving a 25-year jail sentence for conspiracy, money laundering, etc. [Rush & Molloy]
• Actress Gong Li: Being called a traitor, because she's decided to become a Singaporean citizen. (She was born and raised in China.) [Breitbart]
• Tony Dow, who played Wally on Leave It To Beaver, will have one of his abstract sculptures on display at the Louvre. Upgrade! [Yahoo News]
• Headline of the day: "Fleetwood Mac's Lindsey Buckingham wants to play a song for President George W Bush called 'Treason.'" [Telegraph]
• WTF. Another William Shatner video, in which he talks shit about George Takei. [Perez Hilton]
• James Cromwell, who starred in the Babe movies, is recovering from a broken collarbone and partially deflated lung after falling off of his bicycle in an L.A.-area canyon on Sunday. He should be out of the hospital now. That'll do! [AP]
• Geri Halliwell has dumped her "toyboy" lover, dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez. He's devastated. Maybe his new middle name will be "Mopez." [Mirror]
• Here's a rare photograph of Marilyn Monroe in stockings and garters. [Telegraph]
• Chris March of Project Runway was interviewed by a snarky New York magazine editor and wasn't really amused. The writer was mocking Seal's facial scars, though, so: Team March. [NY Mag]
• Beyoncé says offers have come in from magazines wanting wedding pictures and it's "crazy money that's just ridiculous." Don't worry, B is classier than that: "It's so not worth it. If anything, if you wanna put something out, then put it out, not for (money). We worked really hard at keeping it private. I've always been this way, and he's always been this way, so that's why we complement each other. We always knew that it would be private and quiet, for all the right reasons." [AP]
• Here's a lovely poem Chuck Norris has written about Barack Obama's "political stink." It rhymes! [E&P Pub]
• "He’s never let himself become a lost cause. He’s hardcore and very strong. Off-duty he flies his own plane and helicopter and he insists on doing as many of his own stunts as possible. It’s him riding the bikes and throwing the punches — he doesn’t palm it off to a stunt man." — Jamie Milnes, Harrison Ford's personal trainer, on working with him for Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. [Telegraph]
• "I thought it would be easy to cast a Bond girl, because there are so many beautiful women in this world. But not many of them can act. Their acting needed to be really strong and three-dimensional. Historically, the role of women in the world has changed. You can't have someone in a Bond film just as a sex object. [But] they have to be sexy and beautiful. That's what people expect, and that's what Bond is about." — Quantum Of Solace director Marc Forster. [Esquire]
• "I call her 'The Mouse.' And The Mouse holds on to the edge of a chair now and is gaining the confidence to think, 'Maybe these legs belong to me.' I keep telling Nicole that it's a bad sign, because once those legs gain confidence, then they're out of here!" — Lionel Richie on 10-month-old granddaughter Harlow. [People]
• "She taught me the importance of looking good and feeling good but also that beauty comes from within, because it fades. I looked at her like a therapist and a makeover queen –- the perfect glamorous smart woman. People would walk in, talk to her and tell her their issues and they'd walk out feeling and looking like a new woman." — Beyoncé, on her mother, who owned a hair salon when B was a kid. [People]
• "It's cool when you have a movie where you can show another side of yourself, like this one does. The movie is not going to be successful, I don't think. It's not the usual Van Damme action movie, so I'm not really kicking butt. People who know me, they know my story, that I came with nothing and because famous with martial arts. I did the movie because it felt good to do something like that. [I won't do a reality show because] I don't want to expose my family or even my animals to the cameras all the time. You can't even go to the toilet because they shove a camera up your butt. I would probably throw the camera out the window. They did approach me once, though — the channel with the guy with the long hair. Gene Simmons? [Checks with son.] No, it was Ozzy Osbourne, who's a big teddy bear. A letter came to my desk and he wanted to know if I'd do a reality show. Bad or good, only God should know what you're doing at all times." — Jean-Claude Van Damme. [WSJ]
• "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women." — Mark Wahlberg on posing with Kate Moss in those 1992 Calvin Klein ads. [The Sun]
• "I'm running a business. And sometimes being the boss of your own empire and creation, you have to be assertive. Being a female, that comes with being labeled a 'bitch' and given titles that men wouldn’t receive. But if that’s what I’m going to be called by being assertive and knowing who I am and what I want out of life, so be it. I wear that label proudly." — Christina Aguilera in Rolling Stone. [MSNBC]
• "I apparently offended some animal lovers. Um, really people? I love animals as much as anyone, I don't eat pork – so for those of you fighting that good fight against me ... shut up! I was just pointing out the fact that people in California seem to care more about animal rights than human rights … I'm not running around killing chickens for fun or firing a slingshot at a squirrel." — Samantha Ronson, resonding to people who were offended by her Prop 2 vs. Prop 8 post. [People]
• "[I said] 'Sen. Obama, when you were in school in Boston, did you encounter any racism?' And he said something really interesting. He said, um. He said, 'I'm Kanye West.'" — Sarah Silverman. [Page Six]

• Christina Applegate, 36, is undergoing treatment for breast cancer. The disease was caught early and she is expected to fully recover. [Yahoo News]
• Early detection came through a doctor-ordered MRI. There are no further details. [People]
• Bernie Mac is in a Chicago hospital, suffering from pneumonia. Saturday he was in "very, very critical" condition but now he seems to be recovering. [Yahoo News]
• Knox and Vivienne Jolie-Pitt have been unveiled. Something between ten or $15 million will go to charity; People and Hello! will get "huge tax breaks." [Fox News]
• In order to get their money's worth, People is running 30 pages of kiddie pix. Lay your wounds on the images of the twin deities and be healed! [E!]
• Mary-Kate Olsen wants immunity from the Feds before she'll talk to them about Heath Ledger's death. Could it be that she was his OxyContin hookup? [NY Post]

• Uh-oh, Balthazar Getty has gone back to L.A. to attempt to reconcile with his wife Rosetta. Erstwhile lover Sienna Miller is said to be "devastated." Balthazar sez: "I can’t comment. When I’m ready, I’ll issue a statement. It’s because of the children." His youngest daughter was born in October, making her 10 months old. [Daily Mail]
• Sienna has decided to take her miserable self to the Caribbean. Her dad has a "sprawling mansion" in the Virgin Islands. A fruity drink and some sun should make things better. [Daily Mail]
• Then there's this photo captioned "Balthazar's Wife has Her Hands Full, Too." [TMZ]
• FYI: Reese and Jake are not, repeat, not engaged. [People]
• Apparently Nikki Blonsky's mom is in this video at the Turks and Caicos airport where Nikki and America's Next Top Model's Bianca Golden got into a kerfluffle. Nikki was saving five seats for her fam, and Bianca's family wanted to sit. So Bianca allegedly hit Nikki in the head. Damn small airports with no first class lounge. [TMZ]
• Madonna screened her documentary, I Am Because We Are, at the Traverse City Film Festival in Michigan. The event was co-founded by filmmaker, author and fellow Michigan native Michael Moore. Madonna said: "There aren't a lot of role models for us in the world, or people we can look up to. People who are not afraid to stick their neck out, people who are not afraid to stand up for things and be unpopular, to go against the grain, think outside the box. And we need, and I need, Michael Moore in my life." [AP]
• Nicole Kidman has already shed the baby weight, blah blah blah dance rehearsals for the movie musical Nine blah blah blah. [Daily Mail]
• The paps want a picture of Nicole's baby, Sunday Rose. [Sydney Morning Herald]
• Robert De Niro is joining Mel Gibson on a flick called Edge Of Darkness. Something about a homicide detective and a single father. [Variety]
• Lily Allen and Ed Simons have broken up again. This news comes to us via Facebook, naturally. [The Sun]
• Amy Winehouse is looking for a new flat near Blake Incarcerated's prison. Maybe she's got a plan to dig a tunnel? Is there a shovel hidden in the beehive? [The Sun]
• Does Amy's new album have a cooking theme? Apparently a new track goes, "I can cook, chicken soup, meatballs, a good chicken - jerk and fried." And one song is about her upbringing as a nice Jewish girl. [Mirror]
• On a radio show, Rhys Ifans was asked if he liked a track by the Gutter Twins. Rhys joked, "It’s kind of like being date raped, which I liked." The radio show host asked if date rape was a good thing. Rhys replied, "Well, yeah, for guys." [The Sun]
• Pete Doherty and 5 friends tried to row to a VIP area after playing Scotland’s Live at Loch Lomond festival on Saturday. But they lost an oar and the boat sprang a leak and they had to be pulled to safety. [The Sun]
• Jessica Simpson uses a webcam to strip for Tony Romo, not that you care. [The Sun]
• Cher is selling her Malibu mansion to the tune of $45 million. That doesn't include the glittery gowns she may have left in the closets. [Perez Hilton]
• Michael Douglas nodded off during lunch in Portofino. Wine, food, blue sea, Cathy Z? Conditions sound perfect for a nap. Also, Mike is thisclose to being a senior citizen. [UPI]
• Are Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick moving to the East Village? Sources say maybe. For the love of Zeus do not take the video tour of the space, unless you are a masochist. [NY Mag]
• Gun shots rang out at an Atlanta party hosted by Jermaine Dupri and Sean "Diddy" Combs. The hosts were unharmed and continued to party. [E!]
• Justin Timberlake, Oscars host? Maybe? Hmmm. [ET]
• Diana Ross's daughter, Chudney, was in a traffic accident over the weekend. She pulled her Range Rover out of the lot and was hit by another vehicle. Everybody involved went to the hospital. [Newsweek]
• Adrienne Curry went off on a rant about abortion and being pro-choice: "There are thousands of babies that people don't want, get abused, and turn out to be the scum of the earth when they grow up. Why should we add to that?" She goes on to say: "I personally like McCain's view on things. He doesn't believe in birth control to keep women from wanting abortions. However, he does believe in keeping cocks hard everywhere to produce more children people don't want!" I have nothing to add. [ONTD]
• Annie Lennox is participating in the international AIDS conference in Mexico City this week as an ambassador for Oxfam. She urges artists, musicians, filmmakers and women to keep the issue at the forefront. This is the book I never read, these are the words I never said, this is the path I'll never tread… These are the dreams I'll dream instead. [USA Today]
• Audrina Patridge has been hanging out with Heidi and Spencer, if you care. [Perez Hilton]
• Is Lauren dating Kyle Howard? He's on that show My Boys. [People]
• Fake or real Miley Cyrus pictures in which she bares her belly are causing a stir. [Perez Hilton]
• Paul McCartney is planning on going on vacation in the Hamptons with his daughter Beatrice and his new gf Nancy Shevell. Heather Mills: Sure to be pissed. [Mirror]
• Kylie Minogue's on and off man, Alexander Dahm, flew 6,000 miles to see Kylie put on a "sizzling" show in London. [Mirror]
• Figure skater Oksana Baiul didn't know she was Jewish; her parents hid it from her as a kid. Surprise! Have some kugel. [Page Six]
• "She has no talent. I’m sure Paris [Hilton] would tell you that herself." — Sharon Osbourne. [The Sun]
• "I'll do anything to make my dog famous." Aubrey O'Day, the Danity Kane singer now in Hairspray on Broadway. Her Maltese, Ginger, has been dyed pink. [Page Six]
• Leo DiCaprio and buddy Lukas Haas: Shirtless, on a yacht off the coast of Ibiza. Gah. Vacation sounds so good right now. [ONTD]
• "Not going to university did give me an incredible driving force because it leaves you with a slight chip on your shoulder. It makes me feel I am going to read absolutely everything so I can prove I am not stupid." — Keira Knightley. [Daily Mail]
• "I've always been driven. I'm a worker. I've never been given anything on a plate. That's why I was different from some of the other footballers' wives. It never really interested me, that lifestyle of spending your husband's money." — Victoria "Posh Spice" Beckham. [Daily Mail]

The Times' Julie Bosman thinks it's amusing that the same magazines and televisions that cover the ins and outs of celebrity breeding, fighting, sexing and weight-loss are also covering (some) of the ins and outs of the campaign — and not just where it intersects with celebrity, as was the case in 2004. What's even more interesting is that the editors are all doing it not as a public-service but because its what readers actually want!

It is also because having a woman and a young, photogenic man in the race hits the right notes, demographically speaking — the vast majority of readers of magazines like US Weekly are women. Many of those readers are, for the first time, paying close attention to the presidential primaries, and turning politics into dinner-party conversation.

Anyway, as a woman who writes for two women's sites and almost exclusively about politics, I have to say, I'm not really surprised that women are interested in politics and I don't think it's just because Barack is cute or Hillary's a woman. (Maybe it has something to do with old adage about Washington, D.C. and the town being like Hollywood for ugly people.) I might have approached Anna when I was let go from a certain political website and asked to keep doing Crappy Hour and other stuff, but, interestingly Glamour also approached me talk about writing for Glamocracy. Both of these places pay me to write about politics because both Jezebel readers and Glamour readers want to read about politics and talk about issues and rally for candidates and generally act like responsible citizens of this democracy while they also talk about Rock of Love or Heidi Montag's bad attitude. Many women, in fact, enjoy walking, chewing gum and thoughtfully debating the merits of health care policy and the problems with race in America today while cooing over cute shoes. I just hope it continues after the election because I'll still have bills to pay come December.

Sex? Yawn. Politics? That's Hot! [New York Times]

• Photographs of Angelina Jolie's (now) unborn babies could be worth a whopping $10 million. An editor who remains anonymous actually says: "It's at the point now where some stars might decide to have more kids just to collect the money from their photos." Hahahahahaha. No. [Page Six]
  
• By the by, People's issue with La Lopez twins sold between 2 and 3 million copies; Nicole Richie's cover sold 1.8 million; Christina Aguilera's sold 1.3 million. [ONTD]
  
• Russell Simmons and wife Kimora have filed for divorce — again. He filed in March 2006, but the proceedings never um, proceeded. In any case, since they have such intertwined careers and businesses, this should be interesting. [TMZ]
  
• They secretly went out two years ago, and now Matthew Perry has rekindled his relationship with Mean Girls actress Lizzy Caplan (she played Janis Ian). She's 13 years younger than he is and it's a "friends with benefits" type thing. [Janet Charlton's Hollywood]
  
• Tina Fey wants Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, to be on 30 Rock. A skit involving Jack? Or Kenneth? [Page Six]
  
• Here's video of Ashley Dupre telling a Girls Gone Wild cameraman that she is over 18 and her name is Amber Arpalo. [TMZ]

• A jeweler says Jamie Lynn Spears' engagement ring is "very 1980s, with a yellow gold band." Aw, give the kid a break, she's 16! [E!]
• Ready, set, go: Patrick Dempsey will make an appearance Saturday at Gainsco Grand Prix of Miami at Homestead-Miami Speedway. [Miami Herald]
• Lily Allen introduced a clip on a BBC3 program: "It's my favourite. It's kegging, pulling someone's trousers down in public. Childish but very funny." Since the video showed a student pulling down a teacher's pants, the schoolboard people and Association of Teachers and so on are all apoplectic. [Mirror]
• The Diddy/Tupac kerfluffle that surfaced last week was an elaborate hoax cooked up by an "overweight white kid from Florida." LOL. [Page Six]
• The L.A. Times has apologized for using the forged documents in a story implicating Diddy in the Tupac assault. Their bad! [Yahoo News]
• Tommy Lee received a tattoo on a flight to Miami, helping the tattoo artist set a Guinness World Record. Uh, ink+needle+turbulence=disaster! [Page Six]
• There is a load of fake Heath Ledger memorabilia on the market, buyer beware. [News.com.au]
• Richie Sambora could face charges of child endangerment after being busted on a DUI charge Tuesday with his 10-year-old daughter Ava in the car. Cops say the vehicle was "weaving within lanes" before it was stopped and that Sambora had alcohol on his breath and failed all the field sobriety tests. [Rush & Molloy]
• One day after Dita Von Teese sued an adult-oriented trade show, claiming they owed her $50,000, they have paid up. Justice! [TMZ]
• An inquest has begun into the death of Corinne Bailey Rae's husband, who died Saturday of an apparent drug overdose. Jason Rae, 31, was a Scottish-born sax player whom Corinne (now 29) met in a jazz club where she worked as a coat-check girl. They got married in 2001. [People]
• David Beckham played a historic soccer, ahem, football match last night: He represented the England national team for the 100th time, becoming only the 5th player to ever reach the triple figure. Score! [People]
• Boxing champ and Dancing With The Stars alum Laila Ali is preggers! Her hubs is former NFL star Curtis Conway; he has three kids already but this is her first. Congrats! [People]
• Olivia Newton-John will walk the Great Wall of China for 21 days, in an effort to raise funds for cancer research. Good luck! [E!]
• Jessica Lange denies she had plastic surgery, despite a report in the National Enquirer. Well, now we need to see pictures. [Star Tribune]
• Artist Jeff Koons is being sued for overdue child support; he's failed to pay about $2.3 million, according to his ex-wife, La Cicciolina, an Italian porn star. [Reuters]
• Brooke Shields is having surgery on her foot — an old dance injury. Ow. [Page Six]
• How do we feel about Josh Brolin playing George W. Bush in the biopic directed by Oliver Stone? [Rush & Molloy]

Ms. Nomani has also told her editor at People that she will no longer write for the magazine. Bercovici talked to Larry Hackett, the managing editor of the weekly magazine, who says not covering something is not what the press does: "I don't know of any examples where the media unilaterally says 'We will not cover this because we feel it's invasive.' I just don't know of any case where that's happened and where it's worked out."

He continues: "I think the story she's going through is something we can cover responsibly, at least at this stage, without knowingly and unquestionably contributing to her mental illness." And today, People.com has a story called "The Britney Effect: The Impact a Year After Her Buzz Cut," which revisits the salon where the pop star shaved her head, as well as the tattoo parlor she visited after her buzz cut. Invasive? Maybe not. But newsworthy?

Britney Spears, Mental Illness and the Tabloids [Portƒolio]
The Britney Effect: The Impact a Year After Her Buzz Cut [People]

We never thought we'd say this, but we have to agree with the New York Post's resident Candace Bushnell impersonator Mandy Stadtmiller, who rails on People's choice of Matt Damon as 2007's Sexiest Man. "Sexy is nasty, dirty, rough," Stadtmiller says. "Sometimes you just want someone you can feel terrible about in the morning."

Sexiest Man Living 2007 [Salon]
Bring Sexy Back [NY Post]
Related: Sexiest Man Alive 2007 [People]