Jezebel
transamerica
Posts Tagged “
Pennsylvania
”
News from my alma mater! They're naming a building after the late gossip columnist Claudia Cohen, who a dropout has no business mocking for majoring in Communications. Anyway some students are pissed. "I, as an academic, am accustomed to seeing buildings with names like Newton, Copernicus, Darwin," says a chemistry major named Ponzy Lu, adding: "Then to see the name of this person, who is very fresh in our memory, who is not associated with a pursuit of knowledge — a gossip columnist: it strikes me as being totally idiotic." Um, babydoll, this feels redundant to be telling someone named after the inventor of the pyramid scheme, but did you notice Penn doesn't really like the names of its facilities to be associated with the pursuit of things other than money? (Or did you just assume the guys behind the Lehman Brothers Quandrangle were an early order of learned monks?) Anyway, I personally think the Claudia Cohen building represents a great stride, which is to say, one of their mogul graduates officially abstained from treating his ex-wife like shit! I eagerly await a Barkin dining hall. [NYT]
transamerica
crappy hour
Sure, Hillary Won Pennsylvania, But Barry Nabbed The Hateful Ignorant Fratboy Demographic!
They are known to let dead people come back to vote for ward leader in Philadelphia, but when I arrived at my polling place of the last two elections yesterday, I found my name mysteriously removed from the rolls. My friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan, meanwhile, got turned away for not being a Democrat, even though he changed his registration the last time he realized the Green Party was lame during last year's mayoral primary. Look: the last machine still running in Pennsylvania runs its voters. Hillary was going to win that. No one on Crappy Hour ever predicted Barack was going to carry this, or even get close, or if we did it was a joke or we were too hungover to know what we were doing, obvi. So I'm not really that mad about Barry's inability to "close the deal." I am, however, kind of baffled by the Abercrombie & Fitch thing. From blind gayvotion to NAFTA to centimillionaire executive pay packages to endemic racism to bland pointless predictability Abercrombie is the epitome of everything about the America that is not "ready" for a black Muslimy Marxist freethinking president. Were those the best white kids you could find, Axelrod? That and more minutiae with me and a very hungover Megan after the jump. More »
email from philadelphia
Oh, Yay! Hillary Wins!
Today was the first time in many years that I had the objectivity to see Philadelphia as crappy. One man's objectivity is another's spoiled upbringing, so you might also say I saw my old city with the contemptuous eyes of my old classmates at Penn, the ones who complained about panhandlers and run down buildings and all the other superficial symptoms of a plague they'd been so lucky to miss. I hated those fucks. I defined myself against them. I wanted to stay purely out of spite for them, but Philadelphia had no job for me. Philadelphia had no job for anyone who wasn't a barista or a bartender or a bike messenger or somehow a member of the entrenched, and I was sick of being a barista. The beauty of Philadelphia was that it had plenty of rotting houses for those wise enough to recognize that jobs are dumb and ephemeral and overrated and that that notion wasn't just some loser philosophy they should have left behind in art school.More »
crappy hour
Would It Kill These Candidates To Eat A Frickin Cheesesteak?
Readers, this campaign season we've borne witness to many things. The rebirth of the word "trollop" and Ann Coulter endorsing Hillary...Geraldine Ferrarro fell victim to racism, and now Bill Clinton telling us Obama used their vast race card conspiracy against him too; he's got memos to prove it. We've learned about Obama's brother in China and Hillary's brothers from Retardville. We've watched Hillary throw back shots like a drunk sorority girl and promise to totally obliterate Iran like a drunk frat guy. We've seen Barack Obama reference Faulkner, Marx and Jay-Z like some consciousness-raising enlightened hip-hop dude who gets laid way too often for you to trust him entirely. But readers, for six weeks we have been stuck in this state, a state so authentically lowbrow it gets away with calling its homeless shelters overnight cafes, and somehow we have yet to see a presidential candidate eat a fucking cheesesteak. So Megan and I are off to do that now (oh, yum) and vote, but not before gracing you with this morning's riveting IM exchange. More »
crappy hour
We're Headed To Philly Tonight!
Megan and I are convening in Murderdelphia tonight for tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary! This morning a seven-alarm fire reminded everyone once more there used to be an economy there. Now there are too many vacant buildings and not enough crackheads to fill them. Five murders happened over the weekend in Philly. Chelsea Clinton submitted her ass to a fag hag gang grope. Michael Moore endorsed Barack Obama. The railroad industry made a comeback. The Pope made some speeches. Jeremiah Wright is going on TV. Some Republican told other Republicans to forget Reagan. Jimmy Carter won't make it so easy on you! Obama said he thought John McCain would be better than Bush. (Maybe because the Walnuts' stubborn refusal to wear a flag pin dovetails with his own 1960s radicalism?) And number one Jezecrush Thomas Frank got a weekly column in the Wall Street Journal. "The landmark political fact of our time is the replacement of our middle-class republic by a plutocracy," he wrote. "If some candidate has a scheme to reverse this trend, they've got my vote, whether they prefer Courvoisier or beer bongs spiked with cough syrup." There's a thought to drank to! His new book is called The Wrecking Crew. More »
crappy hour
Cindy McCain Regrets Dissing Michelle Obama!
Why can't more rich people be like Cindy McCain? Not with the strumpet makeup, I mean, but with the white guilt? Today a LA Times profile made us officially decide to like Cindy, who grew up a rich spoiled rodeo queen cheerleader in Phoenix and then one day went on a scuba trip and came back a crying, caring compassionate woman who sometimes took pills to ease the psychic pain. Okay, so I like Cindy. I get her, I think. I also get Barry Marx Obama and Michelle and their "elitism and all of that." I get Pennsylvanians and why they are bitter. But here's what I don't get: what do the world's 50 top hedge fund managers need with the collected $29 billion they made last year? Are they saving up to buy the Great Wall or the Vatican or something? (Can you even securitize the Vatican?) And how is it they were so smart in a year that everyone at Merrill Lynch who didn't get demoted was soooo...goddamn...stupid. Just testosterone? Glamocracy Megan and I discuss why we can't just pass a law outlawing people from accumulating more than $50 million and, totally unrelated, the concept of "bitterness," after the jump. More »
girl talk
Would You Let This Man Call You "Sweetie"?
A couple of days ago, Barack Obama went on a textile factory tour in Allentown, Pennsylvania (where, more than 200 years after the Industrial Revolution, most of the low-level employees are still women). The Democratic presidential candidate shook hands and, by many accounts, nearly charmed the pants off of half the employees. One thing he also did: he called one of those female employees "sweetie."More »
crappy hour
John McCain's Speeches Suck; Samantha Power Is The Comeback Kid
This was one of those days where, a little hungover, I totally wanted to talk about important stuff like the teenage stripper or how the crappy Mark Penn might have finally done something that Hillary will be forced to fire him over or even racism in Pennsylvania, but Moe was away and I was all like, oh, dammit, I miss her! It's weird to talk about underage strippers with a dude, let alone racism in Pennsylvania when neither of us has ever lived there, so Spencer Ackerman of the Washington Independent and Too Hot for TNR and I talk about how McCain sucks, Samantha Power is making amends and, of course, tonight's Battlestar: Galactica. Watch as we continue to cheat on Moe after the jump. More »
news roundup
Mariah Carey Is More Important Than Elvis, Not Only In Her Mind This Time
- Mariah Carey has officially had more #1 hits than Elvis, not that the whole math of hitmaking is really what it used to be, and speaking of math she explains her whole theory of relativity thing thusly: "It's like emancipation of Mariah Carey to the second power and beyond." [WSJ]
- The man with the uterus is supposedly appearing on tomorrow's Oprah. I am so, so sad I'm taking the rest of the week off. [People]
- A bunch of new polls say Obama is gaining on Hillary in Pennsylvania. This is confusing, because just two hours ago I got an email from my friend, a Hillbot, claiming that the opposite was occurring, and I shot back that blah blah blah I don't believe polls ever, and that is particularly true right now. [Philly.com]
- A human-cow embryo was created in Britain and it survived for three days. Somehow this sort of advancement is supposed to actually make stem cell research less controversial with religious people and such, although I think the scientific community might be overestimating the religious community's capacity to understand how. [Reuters]
- You thought they couldn't find a new a twist on the power figure/prostitute scandal but! The spouse of Michigan's junior senator was fucking prostitutes. Yup, the spouse of (female) senator, Debbie Stabenow, was caught picking up a $150 hooker in the town of... Big Beaver. [Wonkette]
More »
news roundup
Will Michelle Obama Be The Next Member Oprah's Book Club?
- For some inexplicable reason publishers seem to think Michelle Obama could write a bestseller. Perhaps it was that college thesis? The admirable physique? Just hard up for cash in a challenging credit environment? [Observer]
- McCain: the "first real postmodernist candidate for the presidency." ? [NYT]
- Why would you assume our passports were made in U.S. America? [Washington Times]
- Sigh of relief for society! Jamie Lynn Spears is engaged. [US]
- Boycotting the Olympics: actually a pretty powerful condemnation of repression, when you think about it. Oh, well. [Slate]
- Some guy made up a story about how Diddy knew about Tupac's assassination plot and the LA Times totally bought it but the source turned out to be a "wildly impulsive, overweight white kid from Florida whose own father once described him in a letter to a federal judge as 'a disturbed young man who needed attention like a drug.'" [TheSmokingGun]
crappy hour
Hillary Was In The Next Room While Monica Blew Bill!
You knew the universe was absurd. But did you know Hillary was in the White House the whole time Monica was blowing Bill? (Well, by now, probably!) Or...that the appropriate response to a cartoon defiling your favorite prophet as a bloodthirsty murderer is to plot to murder the cartoonist? That linking Mohammed to violence in a cartoon is even more worthy of violence than linking him to a Teddy Bear? (Some opiate, that religion.) Osama Bin Laden has something to say about all this, and that something is: Fuck the Pope. And, oh yeah, by the way, it's the fifth anniversary of that war everyone (and the Pope!) has been ragging on to boost his poll numbers lately, but Bin Laden doesn't mention that, or the fact that a philandering sex-addicted governor who billed his sexytime to taxpayers was just replaced by a philandering sex addict governor who billed his sexytime to campaign contributors, only this time he'd blind. So you know, the Bin Laden message probably isn't new, although, honestly, I don't know and neither does Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier, so instead we mainly discuss whether we'd buy the Eliot Spitzer Playgirl after the jump. More »
crappy hour
Terror Strikes America's Beloved Times Square!
POW! A lone bicyclist woke up a lot of tourists with his improvised explosive device in Times Square early this morning. But he doesn't seem to have destroyed anything. Not the Quiksilver Board Riders Shop? Not Sephora? Not Planet Hollywood or the freaking headquarters of Vogue? Oh, well. Is this a big deal in the era of the weekly horrific school shooting? Is it a big enough deal even warrant a call on Hillary's famous red phone? Is it a big enough deal to spend the entirety of Crappy Hour discussing? Glamocracy's Megan Carpentier and I will discuss that! And Patrick Swayze, whether Pennsylvania is racist and how Raytheon finally figured out how to help the government spy effectively on us. 3/6/08 NEVER AGAIN KTHANXBAI! After the jump. More »
Weighty Issues
In the latest news about women hating their bodies, a study out of UPenn reports that women often bypass medical procedures from routine check-ups to mammograms for fear of having to step on a scale in front of others. The thought of having to be weighed in a hallway or under the potentially-judgmental eyes of a nurse is enough to make women not see a doctor, even if they need help. The heavier the woman, the study found, the more likely she is to avoid a medical office; not surprisingly,overweight women may be prone to greater health risks because they are less likely to get preventative care they need. [NYT]
In the latest news about women hating their bodies, a study out of UPenn reports that women often bypass medical procedures from routine check-ups to mammograms for fear of having to step on a scale in front of others. The thought of having to be weighed in a hallway or under the potentially-judgmental eyes of a nurse is enough to make women not see a doctor, even if they need help. The heavier the woman, the study found, the more likely she is to avoid a medical office; not surprisingly,overweight women may be prone to greater health risks because they are less likely to get preventative care they need. [NYT]
