MOE: Okay so I am depressed and I hope everyone dies. Especially the commenter who thought I was saying the artists that helped revive Philadelphia on an aesthetic level came from PENN.
MOE: FUCK ALL OF YOU.
MEGAN: Yeah, you should've seen the Obama party last night, it was on the river in a nice location and people didn't even stay to watch the concession but damn were the bartenders pouring with a strong hand,
MEGAN: Also, it was a pain to catch a cab back from.
MOE: And then my train was held over an hour in Trenton, so I not only missed watching the returns, I missed Jenna Bush at the 92nd Street Y. And that's when I got a call from an old friend at the Wall Street Journal, which is rapidly being dismantled by Rupert Murdoch.
MEGAN: Oh, God, Trenton blows.
MOE: The world knows.
MEGAN: Like, of the many things I celebrated about leaving the lobbying profession, the fact that I would never again have to be in Trenton was on the list.
MEGAN: Of course, now that I've said that, I'll get stuck going there some time. Fuck you, Trenton.
MOE: Yeah if you take the regional rail between Philly and New York at night you cannot avoid getting stuck at the train station.

MEGAN: Also, by the way, she raised $2.5 million last night.
MEGAN: Hopefully her next round of commercials will be less lame.
MOE: Okay, you know who gets a special "Fuck you"? The New York Times. I have plenty of dear friends who have taken longer to get disillusioned by Hillary (still waiting on Sinister!) but none of them work for the NYT op-ed page. Drudge is calling it an "un-endorsement" I guess. Ugh. Anyway, I'm annoyed. Because I knew this was going to happen, and I was truthfully worried about much worse margins, but the stupid media set expectations artificially high again, which they keep doing.
MEGAN: I fucking love this quote:

The Pennsylvania campaign, which produced yet another inconclusive result on Tuesday, was even meaner, more vacuous, more desperate, and more filled with pandering than the mean, vacuous, desperate, pander-filled contests that preceded it.

Perhaps the sheer fact of having to get out there day after day to meet Americans, has humanized her, and helped her learn how to relate to citizens from different demographic swathes than her own narrow one. She may have learned a thing or two from them along the way, about their deeper values. (Barak surely has learned nothing of that.)

MOE: Jenna and Barbara are getting fellated on Fox & Friends right now.
MEGAN: Oh, gross imagery. Thanks for helping my hangover with that.
MEGAN: Also, aren't you supposed to be allowed to vote on a provisional ballot? And Obama took Philly anyway, it's just he lost everywhere else.
MOE: Yeah, I was supposed to be, but I was going to try and figure out where my actual polling place was, near another house I used to live in, and then time ran out. I will state that the folks at my polling place were absolutely totally unhelpful, although very friendly in their unhelpfulness. They knew I was there to vote for my Marxist. Hey, now, I know this is sort of a change of subject, but on the "total obliteration" front does it seem like North Korea and Syria have more going for them mass destruction-wise than the Iraq ever did? Not that that's really saying much.
MOE: So, where was the Obama party last night? What did you do?
MEGAN: The Obama party was at some place I forget the name of, because I'm like that, but the address was 1 Boathouse Road, and it was very nice. The DJ was pretty awesome, but no one was dancing despite the fact that I guarantee you his crowd had way more rhythm than Hillary's, if the crowd I had to push through to get out of my hotel (where her party was) was any indication.

MEGAN: I went, I took pictures for Glamocracy and I drank.
MEGAN: And then I came back to the hotel and went to bed because yesterday was an exhaustingly bloggy day, between writing all the female voter profiles for them. I didn't even finish the glass of wine I had, and that's saying something.
MOE: And while you summon the ability to let me in on that, allow me to clarify my BlackBerry dispatch from yesterday — and to answer commenter B_boy who wondered what I need with a blackberry, the answer is I got sort of dependent on it after September 11 when I was working as a newspaper reporter, and I've never been able to give it up, and at this point it's kind of cheap anyway — but with regard to the artists. There is a real, humble, awesome politically-active, socially aware, iconoclastic, big-hearted, entrepreneurial idealistic group of artsy carpenter types who gentrified Philly for the better. A lot of them are from the area, some of them went to RISD and just needed a cheap place to live, but what you have to understand is that when you gentrify a city like Philadelphia you're not driving anyone away from their houses. The remaining residents do not resent you; quite the opposite. And they're fucking cool. It's hard to explain how it worked down there, but I was always amazed by the willingness of some of those kids to look at bona fide ruins and see the potential for a super functional community.
MOE: And zero percent of them came from Penn, thank you v. much. Although one of them, noted Mummer Sonja Trauss, is getting some sort of graduate degree in economics there now.
MEGAN: Yeah, my editor and I drove along the Baltimore Ave/Pike/Ave the whole way from Penn campus to Media, PA and saw a ton of that kind of respectful gentrification, as opposed to the DC kind where they kick everyone out, tear everything down and put up a condo tower with a Starbucks or a Cosi on the ground floor.
MOE: No one wants to build a fucking condo tower on Baltimore Avenue. I mean, on Baltimore — I used to live on 43rd and Baltimore — it's a little different. There wasn't the block after block of 2/3 bombed out rowhouses. Though there was an controversial crackhouse-cum-anarchist squat that was always an interesting point of controversy for the neighborhood. Like, did they like it more when crackheads ate from their dumpsters? Or the smelly dreadlocked white kids?
MOE: Oooooh, voter disenfranchisement from my friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan Creed.
MOE: Ryantastic: well, it's not all that salacious.
Ryantastic: I voted green in 2000, and I found out I never reaffiliated last year when I went to vote for mayor
Ryantastic: I thought I changed it there
Ryantastic: but apparently it didn't go through
Ryantastic: This is the second damn time in a year that it's happened
MEGAN: Apparently, there's a brew pub now on 50th and Baltimore, so the edges of the gentrification is spreading outwards, according to one of our panelists.
MOE: This happened with a few people actually...they thought they changed their registration, and then they showed up and were told they didn't.
MEGAN: That sounds shady to me, but, then, so does street money and ward captains and shit.
MOE: Ah, the brew pubs. Incidentally, Philadelphia is where Yards beer is brewed, and Yards beer is the best beer in the universe, although I think they might have closed because doing business in Philadelphia is a pain in the ass if you aren't part of the machine. Also there's a near 5% wage tax and some sort of business privilege tax that keeps people away apparently. I dunno. It is an awesome place to live if you aren't the type of person who never looks at your ATM receipt.
MEGAN: I am, personally, physically incapable of not looking at my balance, it's part of an overall level of analness.
MOE: Dana Milbank was good today.
MEGAN: Also, I just have to ask, how exactly did Obama "play the race card" on Bill Clinton again? By pointing out the shit that Bill had already said?
MEGAN: I mean, unless Bill was part of their strategic planning, they couldn't've known-known that Bill would shove most of his right leg into his mouth and give them an opening, right?
MOE: So we have to discuss the nexus of my favorite two subjects, Barry Hussein and Abercrombie & Fitch, happening once again.
MEGAN: Dude, fucking everyone was talking about that shit last night.
MOE: We discussed this yesterday. He played the race card the same way Geraldine Ferrarro was the victim of racism; in his own deluded compartmentalizing triangulating victory-deranged mind.
MEGAN: Oh, right, sorry. I forgot, BUT STILL, why hasn't he shut up about it yet. Obama's all like, dude, I have no idea what he meant by that, I'm sorry.

MEGAN: Also, that's really poor advance work on Obama's staff's part, because don't they know they're supposed to have, like, white middle-aged people in the background to show their support for him? Which reminds me of the thing I'm still really mad I couldn't take pictures of: little old ladies for Obama. There was one on the median outside the hotel in a wheelchair, a little old white lady, with a sign that said "Obama Granny" waving and getting people to honk. Then, at the party last night, there was a little old African-American lady with a cane shaking her groove thing to Mary J and I had to give her a hug but that might've been the wine or the rum.
MEGAN: But on the 'crombie boys, one of them is kind of rocking the gay-face, and they don't look like they're from Indiana to me.
MOE: Well yeah, I wanted to punch them out. I was at a bar talking about the death of journalism, but apparently one of them was talking on his cell phone. I can't tell if it is more sick or absurd. Knowing what I know about Abercrombie, I am sort of torn. And following the biggest race-discrimination payout in...well I have no idea, but I imagine that Abercrombie now has diversity training and maybe those guys were moved by the race speech. I was always fascinated to find that the very employees who enforced Abercrombie's institutional racism were ...not unaware of it. They were sort of tormented by it I guess. Also gays are supposed to vote for Hillary. Yeah, the whole thing is really weird.
MEGAN: Actually, I don't understand the near-universal gay men's love of Hillary, unless it's some sort of diva worship? None of my gay friends who are Hillary fans can really explain it to me particularly well, but it annoys the crap out of my gay friends who support Obama.
MOE: It's totally diva worship. I mean, you know, I get it. I get people who like Hillary. I think she's great! In any other election I'd be so stoked to vote for her! You guys all know this! I'm just super impressed by Barry and I'm amazed how well he's done. And truly, does last night matter?

Under party rules, congressional districts that voted most heavily Democratic in recent general elections get more delegates to the party's national convention in Denver in August. In Pennsylvania, districts that went most heavily for Democrats in the 2004 presidential and 2006 gubernatorial races got the most seats.
All states use a similar formula, which dates to the 1970s and was intended to reward constituencies and voters most loyal to the party, said Democratic strategist Tad Devine. But the effect is most pronounced in states with large and concentrated African-American populations, which tend to be most loyal to the party.

In Texas, African-American votes for Sen. Obama in delegate-rich Houston and Dallas largely offset Hispanic votes for Sen. Clinton in the delegate-poor Rio Grande Valley. Sen. Clinton netted just four more delegates in the primary than Sen. Obama did, despite winning the popular vote by 101,000 votes and 3.5 percentage points.
Pennsylvania posed a similar opportunity. Philadelphia's 2nd Congressional District, where Sen. Obama long has had his strongest support, will send nine people to the national convention. Two nearby districts with similarly large African-American populations will send seven delegates each.

MEGAN: Hey, you know what's fucked up? One of our Glamocracy panelists said she'd definitely heard of Republicans switching to vote for Hillary to keep this going, the way Republicans voted for Hillary in Texas.
MOE: Yeah but Pennsylvanians don't listen to Rush the same way Texans do.
MEGAN: Thankfully.

Anyway, the artists stayed. While I was away trying to have a career, they bought long-abandoned real estate and painted murals and taught school and built bars and occasionally joined civic associations and marched in parades and became committeemen. They masked their wonder and idealism and hope in gratuitous tattoos and beards and funny little slacker-rituals like bringing their kids to bars, but damn if they didn't sort of spruce up the place. If you think I am romanticizing common Richard Florida shit, fuck you, it isn't like I hadn't thought of that; it isn't like they didn't think of that.

All of which is a long way of getting back to the original point: that, despite its waning relevance insofar as broad macroeconomic and demographic trends are concerned, I always drew inspiration from Philly's trajectory. It was a place that very slowly and quietly kept getting prettier and nicer and cleaner and less disrepaired, fueled in large part by a bunch of artists seeking a working-class existence in a community untainted by all those pollutants that flow through places with delusions of being at the Center of the Universe.

But yeah, today it was muggy and overcast and slow and cluttered and on my walk to my polling place at 12th and Federal in South Philadelphia, I stopped to think how orderly and businesslike and prosperous it made my new corner at Rivington and Allen in New York look by comparison. And when I walked inside the little Italian social club and they couldn't find my name on their damn roster I couldn't get mad: I hadn't, after all, even lived on the block the last time I'd voted there. (I'd abandoned it for a job or a career or a piece of the action or whatever, a chance to double my rent for half the space, etc.) I simply asked my committeeman — a hefty, silver-haired Italian I didn't recognize who was munching on a paper plate of penne and kidney beans — how he figured our block had voted today.

"I don't know and I don't care!" he roared jovially.

"You don't care?"

"The turnout has been great, that's all that matters. I'm happy either way. It's when people don't vote that you've got a problem."

I smiled and thanked him and ran out to catch the train home. A cab driver on call picked me up on Broad Street. He said he'd take me part of the way. As we approached City Hall, a flock of Obama people standing on the median wove signs and those Styrofoam things they sell at Sixers games. The cabbie started honking wildly and laughing.

"Did you vote for Obama?" I asked.

"I'm a crazy Republican, I voted for McCain," he said. "But I like Obama. Look at him, he is smart and came from nowhere to Harvard and he has dark skin, it is time for someone with a little dark skin. Why have the same people over and over in charge? So one person can lead and then their son and their wife and their daughter can lead as well? I come from Pakistan and I never liked Bhutto. Her grandfather was a politician, her father was a politician, now her son is a politician. Let someone else do it for a change. Obama is a great speaker because black people are great speakers. Even black people who are not educated or have nothing, they have great voices, they can sing, they can make you feel inspiration. And look, not all black men are in jail, look at this one!"

He let me off at 17th and I walked the rest of the way to the station. And yeah, that's pretty much all I got for you guys from the real world: a Pakistani cab driver, like the Tom Friedman style guide taught me. But whatever. I'm almost home and will be back blogging imminently. In the meantime: go Barry!

—Moe

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

MOE: Looks like we're not the only ones who find this anti-climactic.

After the docs droned on awhile about the nuances of the candidates' health care plans, they asked for questions, and it was clear no reporters had any. I suspect nobody cared much about the stale back-and-forth on who's plan does what, and had learned that if you ask a real question about the campaign, you don't get anything like a remotely candid response.
So after a pause, the campaign took a caller who asked if Hillary had any more muffin-tops. Wolfson quickly cut that off and took a caller who identified himself as Steve from the Reading media, and asked something about "moose-knuckles."

MEGAN: I know, it kind of makes a blogger nervous!
MEGAN: But I've decided to pretend like it won't freak me out, and I can get some more Philly flavor, although I got plenty of that yesterday while driving around getting lost going to our interviews.
MOE: Today is a really special day because Bill Clinton said something completely false and inflammatory and Hillary said something completely obvious but inflammatory sounding and Obama said something about "fuck you I'm eating my waffle" about something and ethanol subsidies are still a terrible idea and none of the candidates are ready to say anything about that and —- oooh oooooh — there is some media speculation as to the likelihood of an Obama-Cinton dream ticket but basically no one is really dreaming about that.
MEGAN: I think people that don't actually like confrontation are still dreaming about it actually.
MEGAN: But, you know, fuck those people. And, um, where can I get a waffle? I haven't had a waffle in a year at least.
MEGAN: Sometimes, I think I might want to consider eating breakfast.
MOE: Oh and then there's that story in the Times about John McCain. You see, he is a man of great principle, but he is also a man of immense loyalty. Why do their attempts to undermine him always kind of make him look better? And curious.... is that you chatting me on G-chat whilst simultaneously chatting me on AIM? Because I'm one of those Luddites who likes to stick with a window. But I'm checking it now...
MEGAN: My question is why the FUCK did they drop that story on the day of the Pennsylvania primaries? Talk about dropping something into a black hole.

MOE: Because it's not...that...interesting? Well actually, fuck if I know. It did manage to employ the word "flotilla" and the developer's name is something rather akin to Dustin Diamond, which is funny.
MEGAN: I mean, he made the guy like $20 million on one transaction that he weighed in on. He got him extra water rights.
MEGAN: For someone that holds himself above all that, it's sketch to me.

MEGAN: OMG, a poll shows that 15% of people actually believe that Obama is Muslim. And 8 percent will admit they don't want to vote for a black person. What the fuck is wrong with people?
MEGAN: Also, those people will be screwed if McCain does get Condi to agree to be a running mate. And we'll get another 4 years (at least) of White House lesbian rumors if they win.
MEGAN: Oh, fuck, keep reading. Apparently, people in Scranton heckled his (white) campaign staff on. St. Pat's with racial slurs. I'll bet they ended in -lover. I've been called that. It's so fucked up.
MOE: I think the problem with the McCain thing is that I'm just not that impressed with $20 million made on a real estate deal through the boom years. I mean, it's just not that big a deal to me. And why does anyone think Condi is a good idea for a running mate, beyond the fact that she is prettier and younger and not as pale as the old guy? Really, she should run for third wife actually.

MEGAN: Well, except for the lesbian rumors. I actually hope he does pick her. They'll be the foreign policy ticket in an election that's becoming increasingly about domestic affairs.
MEGAN: And you rarely win races on foreign policy.
MOE: Oh a very depressing thing: the Journal ousted its managing editor, my friend Marcus Brauchli. Marcus is a hilarious and awesome guy, and this is especially distressing coming on the heels of what I thought was such an awesome development i.e. the addition of Thomas Frank to the payroll. So I emailed Marcus asking if maybe he'd like to switch places and revive The Baffler.
MEGAN: If it was a real comic book, that would be fucking cool.
MOE: Another weighty endorsement: Nixon's daughter is supporting Obama. But is Julie Nixon Eisenhower registered as a Dem? Because if not she will not be able to have the same kind of impact as all those Kennedys....

MEGAN: No kidding, if she can't vote for him, what does it matter?
MOE: Sorry, you know, I am letting the ennui get the better of me. Under normal circumstances I might get riled up somehow about Bill Clinton accusing the Obama campaign of "playing the race card" against him. Are these "memos" that prove the Obama campaign was going to use Bill Clinton's whiteness against Hillary all along going to be on TheSmokingGun later you think?
MOE: Related: who's showing early signs of dementia? Because it sounds sort of like Clinton is, but it could easily be me.

MEGAN: No, there's a memo but it's basically a round-up of racially-charged stuff the Clinton's said. I don't know how that's playing the race card.

MOE: Thomas Frank: What exactly is he doing on the WSJ op-ed page? Does Rupert Murdoch have a soft spot for his eviscerations of late capitalism or is he friends with Peggy Noonan? Anyway, I want to have his babies etc. A long time ago I was dating a dude who not only remembered Valentine's Day, he bought me Commodify Your Dissent as a present. He is now married. (Let it be a lesson!) Anyway as presents go it was nice to see Thomas Frank in the papers and Bob Novak glowering in the corner.
MEGAN: Really, really working, If I'm ignoring you, it's because you're not talking about work and thus I am ignoring you.
MOE: Why is Novak always number one on the "Most Viewed List"?
MEGAN: I think Bob Novak lacks the ability to do anything but glower.
MOE: No dude he rules the most emailed list!
MEGAN: I think he hires those Chinese services that will click over and over to drive up your page views. They're really cheap, apparently.
MOE: Hey can you explain to me what Jimmy Carter is doing with Hamas?
MOE: I mean, I guess he is trying to broker some sort of piece but I haven't been able to click any of the links, mostly because of laziness.
MEGAN: Trying to maintain a sense of political relevancy? Fucking with Bush? Helping McCain win the election? Umm, overestimating his own diplomatic prowess?
MOE: Rick Santorum is on Fox News incidentally.
MOE: Warning America that Barack Obama is not a uniter.
MEGAN: Charlie Wilson was on MSNBC.
MEGAN: Like, the real guy, not Tom Hanks. But Rick Santorum is smarmy.
MOE: WHOA holy shit.
MEGAN: Also, I guarantee he's got dentures. And I would not hit that.
MOE: I just scrolled down on the Thomas Frank thing.

He will begin a weekly column each Wednesday in the Journal on May 14.

MEGAN: Wait, so, like, he'll have a weekly column starting in a month? I don't understand newspapers really.
MEGAN: Also, it is apparently a Tom Petty morning on MSBNC.
MOE: Yeah I guess but Thomas Frank? In the Wall Street Journal? Fuck...
MEGAN: Well, it makes more since then Bill "The Joker" Kristol in the motherfucking New York Times/
MOE: Ooooh, quick quiz! How many times since he won the nomination has John McCain been photographed wearing a flag pin on his lapel?

MOE: No takers?
MEGAN: But he doesn't have to because he's a war hero! And he's not a Muslim! And his middle name isn't Hussein! And he's not a Democrat, which means he is, by his very political affiliation, a patriot (if not a nationalist). Being a Republican is like having the American flag tattooed on your soul which is singing along to Proud to Be An American while your heart beats a military tattoo.
MOE: And being Barack Obama is a kitchen sink full of Yellow Peril!

MEGAN: Ooh! Ooh! Did you see? One of her foreign policy advisors, Richard Baum (who I'm gonna guess your dad intellectually opposes) resigned from Clinton's campaign because of her China-bashing?
MOE: Do you understand the subtle subliminal message Obama was trying to summon when he used that esoteric kitchen sink metapor? Because I think all the elitism made it fly over my head
MOE: Yeah Dad? I dare you to economically oppose this:

"Our reasoning was that while China certainly bears a share of responsibility for these (and other) problems, much (if not most) of the blame, at least on the economic issues, lies elsewhere," Baum wrote in an e-mail. He attributed the problems, at least in part, to America's high level of consumption, deficit spending and selective trade protectionism.

On the question of human rights, Baum said he and others in the advisory group believe the Chinese leaders respond better to persistent advice than "self-righteous finger-pointing aimed at publicly shaming and humiliating them."

MOE: So wait, the Pope...the spin seems to be that he's made all those pedophiles the centerpiece of a PR coup! But is it "just words" so to speak?

Anne Barrett Doyle, a founder of BishopAccountability.org, an online archive of the scandal, said that by condemning only pedophiles and not those who kept them in ministry, "it was a signal to us he will take no action. He came here to achieve a public-relations triumph and he did it."

MEGAN: Actually, that's what totally struck me about everything he said about the pervs. Unless I missed it, and I'll admit that I sort of stopped paying that much attention at some point, I didn't hear him say anything about the pedo-enablers, which were as much a part of the problem as everything. The fact that the Catholics has pervs among their ranks? Forgivable, presumably. The fact that Church leaders decided to fight the slow decline of men entering the priesthood (with the exception of my grad school friend Marcos, which, congrats!) by keeping pervs in the priesthood and moving them around every time they get caught molesting yet another young kid is the problem that strikes at the heart of the Church's relationship with the faithful, IMHO.
MEGAN: It's just another example of the kind of hypocritical, bad-stuff-enabling blind, overly-hierarchical patriarchy that drove me from the Church in the first place.
MOE: Why am I seeing so few quotes from the pope himself? What does he sound like? What did he say actually? Am I the only one who did not know Frank Bruni is a foremost chronicler of the abuse scandal?

MEGAN: I did not know that about Frank Bruni. I mean, I didn't hear a ton of him talking (I skipped listening to the Mass, obviously) but he has a very, very soft voice. Kind of high-pitched. German-mixed-with-Italian accent. Not a great public speaking voice, but perhaps he's more forceful-sounding in German or Italian.
MEGAN: And on the abuse, he said something along the lines of "it was really bad" and then he prayed with the survivors that stayed Catholic and met with him!
MOE: Why is it news that Obama thinks McCain would be better than Bush? Isn't that sort of like saying McCain knows more about foreign policy than Spencer Pratt?

MEGAN: Because, apparently, you can't acknowledge that some people in the other party are better than others or something.
MOE: Ugh did you read anything in the Times magazine? I just remembered it was the green issue. I am pretty sure green issues would do better if they made them some more synthetic color like neon orange. But anyway, the nation's railways are apparently expanding for the first time in ever. No way, right?! But it turns out their fuel efficiency for freight is 3x better than that of an 18-wheeler.
MEGAN: That's what the CSX commercial tells me, anyway.
MOE: Oh my god and file this under CNN reporters you could actually totally see walking through Central Park in a crystal meth haze.
MEGAN: I am sooooo sad about Richard Quest. Meth is bad, people, bad! Its use is correlated in the LGBT community with a rise in the incidences of STIs including HIV.
MEGAN: Also, it's nasty on the teeth. Oh, Richard. Please don't! Who else will I get my breathless Royals coverage from?
MOE: Well aren't we just all PSA today. Yeah, an increase in dumb behavior results in an increase in things that you get from engaging in dumb behavior. And yeah, if your teeth weren't British before...speaking of I have a case of Adderall mouth I should attend to.

MOE: Tomorrow's the primary. I think I'm voting in it. There's supposedly all sorts of horrible negative ads. Have you seen any of them?
MEGAN: You should totally vote in it. Are you going to Philly for it? Did you know I'm there covering it for Glamocracy?
MOE: Peggy Noonan thinks Hillary is finished and her campaign is officially in the red. Peggy loved a speech she gave but thinks she needs four more years to overcome the whole pants thign.

She'll need more than four years to shake off the impression she made in 2008. And this is how you'll know she's making another bid for the presidency. She will wear skirts. Gone will be the pantsuits that made her look like a small blond man with breasts. It's the new me, I wear skirts! Her first impulse is to think cosmetically. A long and weary life in politics has left her thinking this is the way to think.

MEGAN: I try not to watch political ads because I kill enough brain cells with drinking.
MOE: The Bush twins are apparently going to be at the 92nd St. Y tomorrow night, so I might come back up.
MEGAN: She looks like a small blonde man with breasts? Peggy, please.
MOE: I dunno

MOE: I kind of love how carried away she gets:

The other is elitism, a charge that clearly grates on him and unnerves his wife, who has a great deal that would be attractive in a first lady (intelligence, accomplishment, beauty) but lacks placidity, which is, actually, necessary. All first ladies, first spouses, should be like Denis Thatcher, slightly dazed, mildly inscrutable, utterly supportive. It is the only job in the world where "seems slightly drugged" is a positive job qualification.

MEGAN: Well, if you came down tonight, we could Crap on Philly tomorrow morning and you could be back in time for the Bush twins.
MOE: Hahaha you want to come to my polling place?
MEGAN: Wow, so Nooner's a Laura Bush fan? I prefer my political wives be actual humans.
MEGAN: That would be hilarious! Where's your polling place? I could take pictures of Democracy In Action!
MOE: It's at 12th and Federal, a South Philadelphia social club with a name that translates to "Home of the Crazy" I think...um...and speaking of, is all they're talking about on the non-Fox News the Weather Underground?
MEGAN: Sixties radicals play big with the still-think-we-coulda-won-Vietnam Fox News viewership. Pat Buchanan is yelling on MSNBC.
MOE: About the weather?
MOE: Michael Moore just endorsed.

I haven't spoken publicly 'til now as to who I would vote for, primarily for two reasons: 1) Who cares?; and 2) I (and most people I know) don't give a rat's ass whose name is on the ballot in November, as long as there's a picture of JFK and FDR riding a donkey at the top of the ballot, and the word "Democratic" next to the candidate's name.
Seriously, I know so many people who don't care if the name under the Big "D" is Dancer, Prancer, Clinton or Blitzen. It can be Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck, Barry Obama or the Dalai Lama.

[Classy imagery courtesy Shieldsnet.]

MEGAN: We should probably kick this off, but it's too close to Friday for me to care too much about pretty much anything.
MOE: The plot to kill the Dutch cartoonist for drawing Mohammed with a bomb in his turban and the ensuing saber-rattling — or you know, assault rifle-rattling — from Osama Bin Laden directed at Europe and the Pope (but not, curiously, Bush) doesn't interest you at all?
MOE: Because I have to say that is about the strangest fifth anniversary present you could give the Administration.
MOE: New OBL recording threatening Europe and calling the cartoons a worse offense than anything the good ol' US of A has ever done is kind of interested.
MEGAN: Insofar as it seems sort of batshit, but I did love his swipe at the Saudi king in there for being insufficiently pissed off about it.
MOE: Jesus Christ, fifty people died in the protests against the cartoons.
MEGAN: That's less than the last round of protests, though, right? So, like, progress?
MOE: I read something in Mike Huckabee looks positively fucking enlightened.
MEGAN: Wait, so they're gonna come here and start converting us? Good luck with us atheist types.
MOE: And speaking of which, it was met with some skepticism when I posted on this last night but Huck's Bin Laden video, if anyone's interested, annotated by someone who likes dissecting this sort of thing I suppose, and that person thinks it's a mashup using old audio. Which would make sense since the cartoon controversy is only like a million years old. I dunno. Now I can't find the Times story, but the best thing was how everyone had forgotten about it, and then the cartoonist was like, no seriously guys, they're really trying to kill me.
MOE: So, uh, onto more important issues! Hillary's schedule as First Lady. "Classic First Lady fare"? And maybe not such a great friend to Vince Foster? Can you believe that the first thing anyone in the media anyone bothered figuring out was where she was on Dia Del Dress??? Well yes, of course you can.
MEGAN: Nope, they're back protesting again. Who'd'a thunk that if you combine religion, grinding poverty, overarching patriarchy and the inability for men to achieve what they are told they ought that you'd get a bunch of mindless, repetitive violence aimed at forces beyond their control and directed by dudes who want power and prestige for themselves?
MEGAN: What I can't believe is that anyone ever thought that her schedule would be interesting!
MEGAN: Like, was there supposed to be an day where it was like "3:30: Illicit lesbian sex. 6:15: Shower 7:00: Dinner with illegal campaign donors 10:30: Kill Vince Foster 10:35: Initiate massive cover-up operation 10:45: Stop by Kathleen Willey's to kill cats."
MOE: Well, here's the thing. Just whyyyyyyy am I expected to believe she is so fucking experienced? Seriously? Tell me!
MEGAN: She is! She singlehandedly wrote all the good legislation ever passed in Congress during her husband's Administration AND negotiated all this really nice peacemaking stuff which is why she was totes to busy to notice things like NAFTA, the Defense of Marriage Act, welfare "reform" and the don't ask, don't tell policy. Plus the part where the government turned over all student loans to private lenders which is why that bloodsucking bitch Sallie Mae is riding your ass rather than the Department of Education (which is how it used to be).
MOE: I was about to say "you know what? Forget it. Don't answer that. Commenters will answer that." So anyway, we should probably address the issue of
MOE: sex and sex and sex... because that's what the readers want right?
MEGAN: Please, please, please, let us never again contemplate a photo shoot of Eliot Spitzer oiled, naked and with his erect cock in his hands. Please. I mean, I need to lose weight but I was always planning on being a drunkorexic and not a bulimic.
MOE: This is a pretty good story about Hillary's schedule, by the way.

And then, this note, and perhaps she was glad for the rare instance when the script left a line up to her discretion: "Upon conclusion of dinner, the President and First Lady have the first dance (optional)."

MEGAN: Dude, I do believe the dance is always optional, which sucks. My ex-bf and I danced a total of, like, 2 times in 4 years and I like to dance.
MOE: Yeah I don't think I really danced very much with my ex boyfriend but I like to dance by myself, on account of my very individualistic notion of "rhythm."
MEGAN: I'm not gonna pretend like I don't dance around my apartment singing along to crap that I drunkenly download from iTunes.

MOE: Clinton has apparently "doubled her lead" in Pennsylvania primary polls. You know what I love about stories like this? When they don't remind you what date the primary happens. Though they did take pains to say exactly when the polls were conducted, which was March 15 and 16, before the speech in Philadelphia. It is really hard for me to believe that speech did not help him in Pennsylvania. Perhaps because I am an irrational emotion-driven idealist, but whatevs.
MOE: Not sure if it helps or hurts Obama that Rev. Wright is a product of the Philadelphia public school system.
MOE: Hahaha Arlen Specter was on Stern yesterday. I have to fucking get Sirius. SRIUSLY!
MEGAN: I think she's taking PA, though. Other than the speech, it's drip drip drip on Obama all month. Today alone it that his campaign neglected to remove the blog of the New Black Panther Party from their site. The ADL identifies them as an extremist hate group because they're super Anti-Semetic. Plus, you know, it's being widely reported that he's standing between Michigan and a revote because he wants those people who voted in the Republican primary already (like, say, all those Dems that Kos told to vote for Romney) to be able to vote again which just completely fucks up his argument about fairness.
MEGAN: He was on Jon Stewart, too, all jowls and phlegmy laughs.
MOE: Yeah I haven't been paying attention to Michigan and/or Florida. I just want them to go away. It's like, oh Jesus Fuck, this is annoying. At this point I don't care who wins. I'm just glad he gave that speech. That's what a sucker I am. Plus I have to go now. So many things left undiscussed! Will we ever get into our debate re the future of the troop surge? Speaking of, interestingly, the Wash Post lead editorial today slams Obama and Clinton for their kind of delusion-heavy Iraq rhetoric, which is a pet peeve of mine.
MEGAN: I saw that, but decided to do Crappy Hour before reading it.
MOE: While David Broder calls McCain's Baghdad visit a "missed opportunity" — why I'm not totally sure. But I guess it all goes to show that even though we know our next president will not be a retard, he or she will not necessarily be able to solve anything. SIGH.
MEGAN: Hail to the motherfucking Chief.