Sure, Hillary Won Pennsylvania, But Barry Nabbed The Hateful Ignorant…

They are known to let dead people come back to vote for ward leader in Philadelphia, but when I arrived at my polling place of the last two elections yesterday, I found my name mysteriously removed from the rolls. My friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan, meanwhile, got turned away for not being a Democrat,… » 4/23/08 10:00am 4/23/08 10:00am

Oh, Yay! Hillary Wins!

Today was the first time in many years that I had the objectivity to see Philadelphia as crappy. One man's objectivity is another's spoiled upbringing, so you might also say I saw my old city with the contemptuous eyes of my old classmates at Penn, the ones who complained about panhandlers and run down buildings and… » 4/22/08 8:00pm 4/22/08 8:00pm

Would It Kill These Candidates To Eat A Frickin Cheesesteak?

Readers, this campaign season we've borne witness to many things. The rebirth of the word "trollop" and Ann Coulter endorsing Hillary...Geraldine Ferrarro fell victim to racism, and now Bill Clinton telling us Obama used their vast race card conspiracy against him too; he's got memos to prove it. We've learned about… » 4/22/08 10:00am 4/22/08 10:00am

We're Headed To Philly Tonight!

Megan and I are convening in Murderdelphia tonight for tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary! This morning a seven-alarm fire reminded everyone once more there used to be an economy there. Now there are too many vacant buildings and not enough crackheads to fill them. Five murders happened over the weekend in Philly.… » 4/21/08 10:00am 4/21/08 10:00am

Hillary Was In The Next Room While Monica Blew Bill!

You knew the universe was absurd. But did you know Hillary was in the White House the whole time Monica was blowing Bill? (Well, by now, probably!) Or...that the appropriate response to a cartoon defiling your favorite prophet as a bloodthirsty murderer is to plot to murder the cartoonist? That linking Mohammed to… » 3/20/08 10:00am 3/20/08 10:00am