Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are skipping the Oscars this year because Anne Hathaway's hosting. Like a humorless Wu Tang Clan for the next generation, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes ain't nothin' to fuck with.

• Ladies and gentlemen, Swiftenhaal is no more.

Los Angeles, December 25: Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem watch the Lakers lose to the Miami Heat. Perhaps the two would have been better off taking their talents to South Beach. (Image via AP)

• Krazy Kaiser Karl, on Kate Middleton and Prince William: "For the royals, apparently the royal blood is not in demand any longer." But no matter, because Middleton is "beautiful and elegant," and "chic in a way the position needs." [WWD]

• In a segment that aired this morning on Today, but was taped while sitting in a dark, candlelit room, Mariah Carey confessed that she is pregnant and expecting in the spring.

• Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher are in the Holy Land!

• Randy Quaid and his wife, Evi were arrested yesterday and charged with felony residential burglary after breaking into their former home and living there without the current owner's consent. Evi was also charged with resisting arrest. [TMZ]

• According to this report, Jennifer Lopez's "diva demands" have delayed her American Idol deal.

• Unsolicited Uterus Update! Penelope Cruz is filming the new Pirates Of The Caribbean movie, and this paper claims that she seems to have "a bump beneath her rigging."

• Donald Trump has offered to buy the site where a Muslim group wants to build a mosque so he can move it further from ground zero and "end a very serious, inflammatory, and highly divisive situation."

• American Apparel has received yet another delisting warning from the New York Stock Exchange. The troubled company has been late filing its first two quarterly reports, and recently had its auditors quit. Its stock is currently trading at 0.71 [WWD]

• Zac Efron and his fellow High School Musical star Corbin Bleu dropped roughly $2,000 "on lap dancers and vodka" a strip club in New York and stayed there until 3 A.M.; Efron's new film premiered the next day. [PageSix]

• Kate Winslet has reportedly been spending time with model Louis Dowler. According to a source: "They've been on lots of dates and get on really well. It's early days for them but they enjoy each other's company." [NewsOfTheWorld]

• Katy Perry and Russell Brand "fight and make-up constantly," says a source.

• This morning, Radar posted a photo which was purportedly taken hours after Mel Gibson punched Oksana Grigorieva in the mouth. However, her dentist says the photo has been doctored, casting doubt onto her abuse claims.

• In the crazed Mel Gibson phone rant du jour, he berates Oksana Grigorieva for falling asleep before having sex with him, saying, "I'll burn the goddamn house up, but blow me first! How dare you?"

• Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem — who played a volatile couple in Vicky Cristina Barcelona — had an intimate wedding earlier this month that we're only hearing about just now.

• Jessica Biel reportedly wants to start having kids with boyfriend Justin Timberlake:

[LAX, June 1. Image via Splash.]